


Forbidden

by MacManusChick



Category: Boondock Saints (Movies)
Genre: Accidental Orgasm, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Lust, M/M, Masturbation, Slash, Teen Angst, Twincest, conphy - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-23
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2017-12-15 22:31:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 66
Words: 268,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/854725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MacManusChick/pseuds/MacManusChick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Murphy discovers that what he's always wanted has been with him all along, his twin brother Connor.  But Connor has no idea.  Does he?  Murphy tries to hide his feelings, tries to be something he's not, tries to be just a brother.  But that doesn't work out too well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I hate her

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt at slash, please be kind. Conphy slash has always had a special place in my heart so I thought I'd give it a try.
> 
> I love all the wonderful feels of wanting someone so badly but knowing it's wrong. This story will be full of wants & feels, unrequited lust (at least at first), teases & misguided actions. But at the same time, this will also be a love story. Explicit subject matter will develop, but I like the story to take its time, to develop & grow. Slight M/F, some M/M involving a twin & OC, but mostly M/M twinsy slash down the road. I'll try not to move the story along TOO slowly, but I'm a sucker for all the preliminary games and the sweetness that goes along with it. I sincerely hope this is an enjoyable story.

Shit, not her again, not that fucking witch. 

Murphy couldn’t believe she was back in their lives. Well, back in Connor’s life anyway. He had been so excited when Connor broke up with her last week but it didn't last. Connor was too pussy whipped, at least that’s what Murphy thought anyway, and Connor went running back to the bitch with his dick tucked between his legs like a proverbial tail. 

Connor had asked if Murphy thought he was making a mistake by taking Katie back and as much as Murphy wanted to yell at him that _YES, it was a terrible mistake, the biggest mistake ever,_ Murphy just couldn’t do that to Connor.....he would have been too hurt, especially since he’d already taken her back by the time he asked. So Murphy bit his tongue and danced around the question with the answer, “It’s your decision, Conn. As long as you’re happy, then I’m happy.” That seemed to satisfy his twin, especially since Connor didn’t really want an answer, all he really wanted was validation. And he could get that from Katie. So Murphy bit his tongue. Again. 

Connor was sitting in the school cafeteria across from Murphy, joking and laughing, telling his twin all about how Steve O’Malley lost his swim trunks when he jumped in the school pool that morning while trying to show off in front of a group of girls. Connor was lively that day, he loved telling stories and making people laugh, especially his fraternal twin brother. Murphy had tears in his eyes from laughing at Connor’s description of the event; Connor could always make Murphy laugh until he cried, that was one of his natural gifts. 

Murphy wiped his eyes on his sleeve, shaking his head and holding his stomach. He could picture just what Connor described and it was just as funny as if he’d been there to see it himself. “Stop.....I can’t fuckin’ _breathe,_ Connor.” 

Of course, this only encouraged Connor more and he went on to describe how one of the girls fished Steve’s trunks from the pool and told him to _"come and get them."_ And Steve did, to the horrified squealing of the girls. 

“Aw, fuck me, Conn.....stop.”

Tears sprang from Murphy’s eyes as he convulsed in laughter and he tried to compose himself, wiping again at his eyes with his sleeve when his laughter finally calmed down. 

“You crying, Murphy? I told Connor you were a pussy,” the female voice came from over Connor’s shoulder. 

Murphy looked up past the person he loved most in this world and looked at the person he despised..... _her_.....Katie.....the fucking witch. Shit, he fucking hated her, he wanted to smash her face into Connor’s untouched lasagna. 

Connor could see the anger in his brother’s eyes and even if he hadn’t seen it, he’d know it was there without even looking at him. Some things he just knew about Murph. 

“Don’t be teasing Murph, Katie. That’s my job. Just leave him be, all right?” 

Katie smiled at Murphy, the sort of sickly fake smile she was best at. “Murphy knows I’m just kidding. Right?” 

Murphy slowly nodded, knowing Connor was watching him closely. “’Course.” It was difficult.....damn near impossible actually, but he was able to reign in his fury. For Connor, he pushed it down. 

Katie smiled wider, “See? I told you Connor.” As expected, she practically draped herself over Connor’s shoulder, her big tits practically falling out of her too tight blouse as she kissed Connor’s cheek with wet lips. Typical.....hanging all over his twin, just like always. 

She remained draped over Connor, leaning forward, and Murphy couldn’t help but look at her exposed cleavage as her top pulled open wide at the crest of her full breasts, her black bra peek-a-booing from the v-neck blouse. Katie’s tits were huge, Connor said they were double D’s and Murphy couldn’t help but stare. After all, they were practically right in front of his face. How could he not look at them? He only meant to take a quick glance and then look away but when he saw that black bra, he kept staring, watching her tits jiggle as she moved. 

“You like what you see, Murphy? You like my tits do ya?” 

Connor’s head jerked to look at his brother with accusing eyes before he looked over his shoulder at the huge, half-exposed tits of his girlfriend. His eyes returned to his brother’s eyes but Murphy had looked away, seemingly fascinated with the mac and cheese on his tray, his fork poking at the noodles and moving them around the plate. 

Connor reached across the table and smacked his brother’s hand, laughing quietly. “Don’t be staring, Murph. It’s not polite.” 

“I wasn’t staring,” Murphy quietly denied. 

“Oh no? Then what would you call it?” 

Murphy shifted in his seat before slowly answering, “I’d call it looking. That’s all I did was look.” 

Connor shook his head, “Nice try. A look is all of 3 seconds. A stare is what you were doing. Staring, Murph. With your tongue hanging out all bug eyed.” 

Murphy stabbed the noodles with his fork, pretending it was Katie’s face but still not looking up from his lunch. “It was a look, Connor, nothing more. Besides, it’s not like I could help it. Her tits were right fucking there.” 

“Yeah, well…..next time, don’t be looking so hard, aye?” 

“Maybe next time you should take a picture, Murphy,” Katie mumbled. She just had to add her lousy stinking two cents to the conversation. 

Murphy glanced at Connor before his eyes darted to the cleavage over his brother's shoulder. It was like an accident, he just had to look. He quickly dropped his eyes once again to his tray and with a shrug of his shoulders he dismissively said, “I’ve seen better.” 

“’Course ya have. Plenty of times, yeah?” Connor said with a smirk. 

“Yup. More than plenty.” 

Connor let his brother have his lie. He knew Murphy had only seen bare tits in a movie or in the dirty magazines their friends let them look at. Other than that, gawking at Katie’s cleavage was the closest Murphy came to actually seeing bare tits in person. Connor certainly knew this but he wasn’t about to let Katie know this, it would embarrass his brother. No way he’d do that to Murph, even if he stared at his girlfriend's rack. Besides, it wasn’t any of Katie’s business how far his brother got with a girl. Some things stayed between brothers. 

Much to Murphy’s relief, the bell rang loudly and signaled a much needed end to lunch. Katie pulled at Connor’s arm, effectively dragging him from his seat and trying to pull him away from Murphy like she always did.

“You coming, Murph?” Connor asked, stopping in his tracks and waiting for his brother. Katie continued to pull on Connor's arm but he stood his ground and waited for his twin.

But Murphy didn’t want to walk with her. He’d had his fill of that bitch.....he’d had all he could take. Besides, his next class wasn’t the same as Connor’s, it was in the other direction so leaving the cafeteria together wasn’t that big a deal. At least it wasn’t that big a deal as long as Katie was there. 

“Nah, I want to finish my milk. Go on ahead.” And Murphy lifted the carton of chocolate milk to his mouth, drinking as slowly as he could, wishing they would just leave. 

“You sure? I can wait.” 

Murphy nodded his head, waving him away with his hand, swallowing so fucking slow that he almost coughed. 

“All right.....I’ll see you later then. If you’re sure.” Connor's reluctance was obvious as was his confusion.....he always waited for Murph. Concern was etched across his face, what was wrong with his brother? But Murphy again nodded, drinking ever so slowly as he waited for Connor to just fucking leave. 

Katie smiled that same fake smile she always put on whenever she was around Murphy and she tugged on Connor's arm once more. “Come on Connor. I think Murphy needs a few minutes before he can stand up. At least without a book in front of him.” 

Understanding crossed Connor’s face and he smirked knowingly. “Oh, I get it. Just give it a minute, Murph. Think of old ladies in bikinis, that should do it.” Connor winked and wiggled his eyebrows as he let Katie pull him away. 

Katie smiled at Murphy from over Connor’s shoulder as they walked away, giggling at his ‘discomfort’ and thinking erroneously that it was her that made him hard, her tits that made him ache, her teasing that drove him crazy with desire. He wanted to stab her in the eye with a spork. 

She was wrong about _everything,_ completely and utterly wrong. Katie didn't excite him, not in the least. Murphy didn't stare at her tits with lust but with fascination. He wondered why Connor found them so attractive and why he wanted to touch and kiss them so badly. Murphy didn’t have those same desires; he didn’t give a shit about Katie’s tits.....or any tits, really. He knew he was different but didn’t understand why. 

All he knew was he wasn’t tempted by Katie or her body. He was tempted by something far more beautiful, far more perfect, far more.....dangerous. 

Murphy was tempted by Connor.


	2. Want

“It was s’posed to be just us, Connor.” 

“I know, Murph. But what can I do?” 

You can tell her no, you can make her stay behind, you can choose ME. That’s what he wanted to say but couldn’t without sounding like a bratty, jealous prick. 

Murphy sighed, staring in anger at his brother’s reflection in the mirror, his eyes glaring in that way only Murphy could do. Connor continued to fuss with his hair, pulling it up into little spikes, trying to get it just so, not paying attention to the Murphy death glare. 

“Why can’t it be just you & me? Like it used to be.” 

“’Cause now I got a girl, that’s why. And quit your whining, you sound like a baby when you do that.” 

Murphy gritted his teeth, it was one of his pet peeves to be called a baby & Connor fucking knew that, that’s why he did it, to irritate him. 

“I just don’t understand why you invited her along. On our day.” 

Connor turned his head, examining the sides of his hair, and satisfied with what he saw, he finally looked at his little brother’s reflection. “Our day? Really, Murph? What are ya, five?” 

Murphy turned away & left the bathroom, he’d had enough of his brother, enough of watching him primp & ‘pretty’ himself up for the witch. He didn’t understand why Connor did all that, he didn’t see the need, Connor was beautiful without doing all that, it oozed from his pores. 

Connor kicked the door shut behind him, effectively ending their brief argument with the slamming sound. Murphy stared at the shut door, hearing Connor moving around on the other side, spraying his hair, probably putting on that cologne that stunk to high heaven. Murphy thought about knocking on the door, but couldn’t figure out what he’d say when Connor opened it. He stood there for a moment debating, until he finally decided it was better to just leave him be. 

Murphy entered the kitchen & paused when he saw his Ma sitting at the table, an almost empty whiskey bottle sitting in front of her. She filled her glass & as she brought it to her lips, her eyes caught his over the glass. He slowly entered the room, he never knew what kind of mood his Ma was in when she was drinking, sometimes she was loving, sometimes she was eerily quiet and sometimes she was just plain mean. 

He took a glass from the cupboard & set it on the counter, feeling her eyes on the back of his head as he moved. He debated whether he should have water or milk, deciding on chocolate milk because it was his most favorite thing to drink, and he went to the icebox to look for the carton he had brought home yesterday. 

“I think your no good brother drank all your precious chocolate milk. You ain’t gonna have nothin’ to drink there, Murphy.” 

“Connor usually doesn’t drink it all.” 

She chuckled at him as he opened the icebox, “Oh, Connor wouldn’t do that….not to you, eh? He loves ya far too much to drink all your stupid chocolate milk, is that it?” 

Murphy tried his best to ignore her, he’d just get his glass of milk & leave as quick as possible. The carton was on the door, just where he left it, unopened just like he knew it would be. He quickly poured his glass of milk, returned the carton to the icebox door & quickly moved to the stairs, heading back up to his room with his glass of milk, the sound of his mother’s drunken words following him. 

“You better not waste any of that! You hear me, Murphy MacManus? And I expect you to bring that glass back to the kitchen when you’re done!” 

He reached the safety of his room, shutting the door behind him & noting that his twin was still in the bathroom, probably still trying to beautify himself. Murphy sat on the edge of his bed, trying not to think of anything, especially Connor, and he slowly drank half the glass of milk. 

From behind the door, he heard “Fuck!” loudly muttered, followed by a quiet mumbling he couldn’t quite make out. Murphy finished his milk, waiting for Connor to return so he could again try to convince him to spend the evening with just him. Like they’d originally planned. Like it was supposed to be.....just Connor and Murphy. 

The door flew open & out came Connor wearing only his jeans which were unbuttoned & partially unzipped, his shirt clutched in his fist. Shit….he looked incredible. “This is just fucking great. Thanks a lot, Murphy!” 

Murphy looked at him with his huge blue eyes, clueless as to what Connor was going on about. All he knew was, a mad Connor was a sexy Connor. The way his eyes flashed, the way he held his body, the way his chest muscles flexed. Murphy felt like he was losing his mind. 

Connor stood glaring at him & Murphy forced his eyes to remain on his brother’s face, not to wander like they wanted to. “What’s your fucking problem?” he questioned. 

“You. You’re my fucking problem. You’re always my fucking problem. You always fuck things up for me.” 

Then it hit Murphy, realization like a lightning bolt. He was in charge of the wash this week. The wash that he didn’t do, as evidenced by the dirty shirt Connor held out to him. 

“I wanted to wear this tonight, but nooooo, you couldn’t do the one chore you had for the week, could ya? You fucked me over again, Murphy. Just like always.” 

Murphy rolled his eyes at his brother, Connor could be such the diva when he wanted to be. “It’s just a shirt, Conn.” 

Connor shook his head & tossed his shirt against the wall, ignoring his twin. He moved to his dresser, rummaging through it, trying to find something clean to wear, something that would look half decent, something that didn’t smell like feet. 

Murphy stood up & went to his own dresser, placing the empty glass on top before pulling out his brand new, baby blue dress shirt, the shirt he hadn’t even worn yet. He only bought it because Connor told him it made his eyes look amazing & he liked the sound of that, Connor noticing his eyes and all. He looked at Connor’s bare back, seeing the outline of his hard muscles flexing, his skin tan & smooth, his shoulders broad. He remembered how his back felt under his hands just a couple months ago when he smeared sunscreen on his skin when they were at the beach. If he closed his eyes, he could almost feel Connor’s back muscles in his lotion slick hands. 

Shaking his head to free his mind of those thoughts, he took a few tentative steps toward his irate brother. “You can wear my shirt. If you want.” 

Connor looked over his shoulder, “What?” 

“Here, take it. It’ll look better on you anyway.” 

Connor’s eyes softened, glancing down at the shirt his brother held out to him. “You haven’t even worn it yet.” 

“Just take it, all right?” Murphy took a few more steps toward Connor, lifting the shirt closer to him. “I mean it, take it. It’s more your style anyway.” 

Connor slowly took it from his brother’s hand, holding it up, inspecting it. “It really is a nice shirt. You sure?” 

“Aye. You’ll look incredible in it.” 

Connor laughed at his brother, not really finding his compliment out of the ordinary. “Incredible? I don’t know about that. But I do need something to wear. If you’re sure.” 

“I’m sure. Go ahead, put it on.” 

Connor slid the soft shirt on his body & it fit like a glove, conforming to his upper body like a second skin, clinging where it should & emphasizing his physique perfectly. Connor buttoned the shirt & tucked it into his pants, fastening his belt on his narrow waist. He looked at his brother, holding his arms out & asking, “Well?” 

Murphy’s eyes ran over his brother’s body, happily appraising him at his twin’s invitation and finding nothing but absolute perfection. “You look incredible,” he softly said. "Really amazing." 

“Yeah, right. Whatever, Murph.” Then he smiled, one of his special smiles reserved only for Murphy. “Thanks. And.....I’m sorry, for yelling at you.” 

Murphy nodded in response, wishing he could see that smile every second of his life. 

Connor disappeared back into the bathroom & Murphy sighed, wondering what else Connor could groom, primp or pluck. But Connor was back within seconds, a damp washcloth in his hands. 

“C’mere, baby brother,” he said, motioning with his hand. 

Murphy scowled, “I’m not your baby brother, Connor, and you fucking know it.” 

Connor looked to the heavens, rolling his eyes. “Fine. You’re not my baby brother. Just c’mere, already.” 

Murphy moved to his brother, wondering what was going on. Connor took him by his chin, holding his head in place & he reached up with the washcloth in his other hand. “Let me clean ya up. You have quite the chocolate milk mustache.” 

Murphy felt himself begin to blush, not from embarrassment like Connor was assuming, but from nervousness at having Connor’s hand on his face, the gentle way he wiped his upper lip, the soft words he spoke as he focused on his mouth, the very mouth Murphy wanted him to kiss. 

“It really is kind of cute how you can’t drink milk without getting a milk mustache. It’s one of my favorite things about you. Did I ever tell you that?” 

Murphy shook his head, surprised that Connor had a favorite thing about him. He wondered what else about him that Connor liked. As if to answer his unspoken question, Connor smiled and said, “I like how I can make ya blush, too. Even your ears are red, Murph. It really is cute.” 

Murphy looked down, wanting this moment to last forever. He never wanted Connor to stop telling him all the things he liked about him, he wanted his hand to stay on his face, he wanted Connor to keep touching him. He wanted…….he wanted…..he wanted Connor. 

Connor took his thumb & wiped it across Murphy’s upper lip, not once but twice. “There. You’re back to being your handsome self again.” 

Murphy could only nod & smile, not trusting his voice to remain steady, and he felt his heart pounding faster in his chest. He was sure Connor could hear it too, it was so loud, but Connor just smiled again before moving away. That’s when Murphy realized he was holding his breath & as he tried to breathe, he began to hiccup. 

Connor laughed, “You were holding your breath, weren’t ya?” 

With a loud ‘Hic,’ Murphy nodded, turning redder this time from embarrassment. 

Connor shook his head in amusement at his brother who let out another loud ‘Hic.’ “Ya gotta stop holding your breath, Murph. Some day you’re gonna hiccup yourself to death & I don’t want that to happen, aye?” 

“Me—HIC—neither.” 

Connor laughed louder, “Well if ya can control your hiccups long enough, get changed. We gotta get going or we’ll be late for the movie.” 

“Why don’t ya just—HIC—go without me? I’d just be a third—HIC—wheel anyway.” 

“Now you listen to me. You’re never a third wheel, not ever.” 

Murphy shrugged, “I ain’t got nothin’ to—HIC—wear. Remember? I didn’t do the—HIC—wash.” 

Connor put his hands on his hips & gave him the look. The look that said he wasn’t in the mood for any of Murphy’s delays, he wasn’t in the mood for any of Murphy’s excuses, he wasn’t in the mood for any of Murphy’s shite. Period. 

Connor pushed past his brother & went to his dresser, pulling out a pair of jeans & throwing them on the bed. “Take your sweatpants off & put these on.” He shut the drawer with a thud & opened the next drawer, the one with all of Murphy’s shirts. He began to rifle through the shirts, pulling a couple out before shoving them back in. Finally, he pulled out a light blue shirt, holding it up & sniffing it. 

“Smells clean,” he mumbled as he turned to his twin. “You look really good in this. I want you to wear this one.” 

Murphy loved when Connor picked out his clothes, it was so personal & it made him feel kind of special, like it mattered to Connor what he wore. His hiccups had stopped & he moved to obey his brother, pulling his t-shirt & sweatpants off and dumping them in a pile on the floor. 

Connor bent to pick up the garments, he always seemed to be cleaning up after Murph, and he took the clothes & tossed them in the corner with the shirt from earlier. As Murphy pulled on the jeans, Connor stood watching & Murphy felt his hands start to shake as he buttoned his pants. As much as he loved it when his brother looked at him, it made him nervous when he watched him dress. Or worse, undress. He glanced up at his twin & smiled nervously before pulling the shirt over his head. 

Connor nodded as he scanned Murphy’s body & Murphy could swear he felt a weight in that look. He wished he wasn’t so skinny, he wished he was cut like Connor, then maybe Connor would have something more to look at. Connor suddenly moved closer, pulling at Murphy’s shirt to straighten it. “I told ya. Ya look really good, Murph.” 

Then Connor’s fingers were in his hair, straightening it, trying to push what was sticking up back into place, his fingers running through his thick locks. Murphy resisted the urge to close his eyes, instead he watched his brother's face with rapt attention. Connor looked so intense at this close distance & Murphy was fascinated. 

“Ya need a haircut,” Connor quietly observed, his fingers grazing Murphy’s ears & making him shiver. 

“I know.” 

“Ya gonna let me cut it for you?” 

Murphy locked eyes with his brother, he loved when Connor cut his hair, it was one of his favorite things to sit in front of his twin while Connor fussed over him. “If ya want.” 

“I want.” 

“Then ya can cut it for me.” 

Connor nodded, a smile spreading across his face. “Good. Tomorrow. It’s a date.” 

He wished.


	3. Movie

Hell. That’s what it was, pure hell. And Katie was the fucking devil, Murphy was sure of it. 

Connor had let her pick the movie, Murphy just knew it. It was actually Connor’s turn to pick and there’s no fucking way he’d pick this worthless movie, this chick flick, this pile of bile. Connor was just trying to appease her so she wouldn’t ruin Friday night completely, like she usually did. But at least Connor sat in the middle, that way Murphy didn’t have to even look at her stupid face for the next two hours. 

Two hours of fucking hell. And the movie hadn’t even started yet. 

Popcorn.....Murphy would need popcorn to get through this movie. 

“Connor.....” he whispered quietly.

But all he saw was the back of his twin’s head, Connor was busy listening to Satan talk about whatever bullshit she usually talked about, probably something stupid and meaningless, probably gossip of some sort.

“Connor.....” he tried again, a little louder this time. Katie glanced at him over Connor’s shoulder, a smirk on her face as she became even more animated, her screechy voice a little screechier. She just had to take all of Connor’s attention, every last bit. There was hardly anything left for Murphy. And the few times Connor paid him any attention at all, that’s when Katie started her theatrics. Like now.

“Conn!” Still, Connor didn’t look.

“Apparently, your brother has something urgent to tell you, Connor.” Then she smiled that smile that Murphy hated with all his heart, her icy smile laced with arsenic.

Connor turned angry eyes on Murphy, “What the fuck do ya want now, Murph?”

“I’m.....I’m going for popcorn. Do you want any?”

“You interrupted us to ask if I wanted any fucking popcorn? What the fuck’s wrong with you?”

“Nothin’. I just thought maybe you might want some.”

“Well I don’t. Now go away.” Then Connor turned back to the devil, forgetting all about his twin once again. Murphy sat for a moment longer before sighing & slowly getting up, Katie watching his every move as he slowly walked away.

The lobby was crowded, too many people to suit Murphy, but he would have liked to have had one more there, as long as it was Connor. He stood in line for popcorn, glancing around & seeing some girls from school who were giggling & smiling at him. He grinned & waved, hoping they wouldn’t come over but of course, his luck was for shit and one broke away, heading his way.

“Hi, Murphy,” a sickly sweet voice cooed.

“Hi.” He would have used her name but he had no fucking idea what it was. And he really didn’t care, either. He only recognized her from history class, she sat one row over & back a couple seats.

“What are ya doing here?” she again cooed, her voice full of honey.

“Seeing a movie.”

He practically jumped at her loud giggle & she reached out & touched his arm, “You’re so funny.” She kept her hand on his arm, stroking it with her nails and he resisted the urge to pull it away. He was surprised it actually felt kind of nice, kind of tickled even.

“Thanks.” He wished she’d leave, he really didn’t want to waste his time talking to this girl, even if she was giving him goosebumps.

“What movie are ya seeing?”

He pointed to the marquee above the entry way he had come from & the girl giggled. “Really? Doesn’t seem like your kind of movie.”

“S’not. Wasn’t my choice.”

“Oh. You’re not alone, then?”

He shook his head, “Nah.....I’m with Conn." He swallowed hard & added, "And Katie.” He practically choked on her name.

She nodded, a grin now on her face and she leaned a little closer to him. “Oh. Third wheel, huh?”

Murphy shrugged. “I guess.”

“Sir? Sir.....you’re next.”

“I guess I’m next,” he mumbled & moved to the counter, ordering a small popcorn with extra butter. He knew she was still behind him, he could feel her eyes on him. He glanced over his shoulder at her, “Did you want anything?”

“No, but thank you. You’re so sweet, Murphy.”

He nodded & turned back to the counter, reaching into his pocket & pulling out his money, paying for his popcorn. He moved to the side & sprinkled salt over the top & when he turned back around, she had rejoined her friends, still giggling & smiling at him.

He guessed he’d just go back & join Connor in hell but as he began to walk past her, she reached out & touched his arm gently, stopping him.

“You still have about 10 minutes before the movie starts.”

He shrugged, she was right about that.

“You could stay & talk a bit longer. If you wanted.”

He really didn’t want to try to make small talk, especially with a group of giggly girls, but the alternative wasn’t much better. At least out here, he didn’t feel so alone. At least out here, he wasn’t being ignored. At least out here, he wouldn’t have to watch Connor be with someone else while he slowly died inside.

“I guess that’d be okay,” he mumbled in response.

“Oh, oh good. Um.....these are my friends, Mags & Bryn.”

He nodded at them, they were all actually quite pretty, for girls, anyway. “I’m Murphy.”

Mags giggled, “Yeah, we know who you are.”

“Huh? What do ya mean? How do you know me?”

“Oh.....we don’t. Charlotte’s mentioned your name a few times to us, that’s all.” Charlotte, the girl he’d been talking to, that was her name. And she’d talked about him? Why?

He looked at Charlotte who had turned a bright red. “I wasn’t talking about you, not like you think,” she began to stammer. “I just, we were, we were talking about twins and I mentioned you & your brother. How you were twins. That’s all.”

Bryn mumbled, “Yeah. Twins. That’s all.”

Murphy nodded as Charlotte shot her friends a look. “I really wasn’t talking about you, Murphy.”

He grinned, “S’okay, I don’t mind. As long as you didn’t say anything bad, especially about Connor.”

She shook her head, “I would never say anything bad about you. Or your brother. Not ever.”

“Then it’s okay. I’m not mad.”

“Good,” she sighed loudly & gathered her courage, quickly glancing at her friends before turning her attention back to the boy in front of her. “You know, you could come with me.”

“And where exactly do ya want to take me?”

Charlotte’s eyes lit up & she smiled broadly as her friends gawked. “Ummm.....I.....ah.....”

Murphy noticed how nervous she was, how she was at a loss for words, how red she was. He liked being the object of someone’s desire, even if it was just Charlotte, and he was enjoying the effect he had on her. He wondered if he looked like she did when Connor was around.

Connor.....shit. He wondered if Connor missed him at all right now. Or if he even noticed he hadn’t yet returned.

“Murphy? Did you hear me?”

“Yeah.” He lied.

“Well?”

“Umm.....” He had no idea what she had said to him, how he should respond. Her friends were staring at him all wide-eyed, waiting for a response of some kind. “I guess so.”

“Oh.....good. Umm.....well the movie starts in a few minutes so if you want to tell Connor where you’ll be, we’ll go get seats & you can meet us inside.” She motioned to a marquee across the lobby. “It’s that one, in there. Just look for me, okay?”

He glanced at the marquee, smiling. The action movie he was dying to see, no fucking way. He nodded at Charlotte & she watched him as he hurried in to talk to his brother, her eyes on his tight little ass.

Mags & Bryn giggled as they quickly led Charlotte away, telling her she’d owe them for making them see this movie just so she could be with this guy. “He’d better be worth it.”

Charlotte had spent the better part of the past few weeks watching Murphy in history class, staring at the back of his head, studying his every move, she knew how he fidgeted, she knew how he doodled, she knew his nervous habits. Oh yeah, she thought he was definitely worth it. What she hadn’t noticed during all those hours of watching him however, was that Murphy was staring just as intently. But at someone else.

“Connor. Hey, Connor.” Murphy leaned forward & tapped Connor on the shoulder, pulling his brother from the mouth of the devil. Connor sighed & ran his hand through his hair, turning to look at his twin. Katie glared at Murphy as Connor mumbled, “You have shit timing, Murphy.”

“Sorry. I just wanted to let you know that I’ll meet you in the lobby after the movie, okay?”

Connor looked confused, his brow furrowed as he turned further in his seat to get a better look at his brother. “What are you talking about? And where the fuck have you been?”

Murphy held the popcorn out. “Getting popcorn. I told you.”

“How long does it take to get fucking popcorn?”

“There was a line.”

Katie mumbled, “Must have been a hell of a line.”

Murphy ignored her, mumbling back, “S’not like anyone even noticed, what with all the face sucking going on.”

“Hey.....I noticed, Murph. Me.....I noticed,” Connor stated adamantly, poking himself in the chest.

Murphy just stood there, chewing his lip, his eyes looking like a puppy, wide & full of hurt. He knew Connor hadn’t noticed he didn’t return, he wasn’t stupid, he knew.

Connor watched him, evaluated him with those eyes of his, those all seeing, see right through Murphy’s bullshit, eyes. Murphy shifted under his scrutiny.

“I have to go. I’ll meet you in the lobby afterward. Okay?” And Murphy waited for Connor to say it was all right. If Connor said no, he’d stay, they both knew he would, there was no doubt about that.

Connor felt himself soften, he hated the way Murphy was looking at him, with a mixture of something Connor hadn’t quite figured out yet, something that was bubbling just below Murph’s skin. “Murph. Stay, okay? I want you to stay, WE want you to stay. Right, Katie?”

“Oh, absolutely. Stay, Murphy.” Connor didn’t seem to notice the tone in her voice, but Murphy did. And he chose to ignore it, like always.

“But….she’s saving me a seat.”

Connor lit up, “She? Who’s she?”

Murphy shrugged, “No one. Just.....let’s just meet up later, okay? I really have to go.”

Connor smirked, winking as he said, “Well don’t keep the girl waiting, Murph. You go get her and I’ll see you in the lobby after the movie.”

Murphy knew Connor misunderstood, it was so obvious & written all over his face. Murphy wasn’t excited to be with Charlotte, he just really wanted to see the other movie. The bonus was, he wouldn’t have to watch Connor make out with the witch for the next two hours, he’d watch shit blow up instead.

Murphy hesitated, he didn’t want to leave Connor, not really. But Connor motioned with his hand, “Go! What are you doing? She’s waiting for you!”

With a quick nod, Murphy left his brother behind & went to find Charlotte. He entered the darkened room of the theater, thinking this might work out better than he thought, he’d never find her in the dark & then he could just enjoy the movie without having to sit with anyone. But as he walked a little further inside, his eyes adjusted & he saw her waiting for him just past the doorway, shifting nervously on her feet. She lit up with a smile the size of all outdoors when she spotted him.

“Oh, hey.....Sorry it took me so long,” he mumbled, trying to be polite, after all, she seemed like a nice enough person. And she had saved him from two hours of hell, that had to count for something. “I figured you’d be sitting with your friends.”

“I was.....but I was afraid you wouldn’t be able to find me. So anyway, come on.” She took ahold of his hand & led him down the aisle, practically dragging him to where her friends were sitting. He smiled at them & they giggled back as he took his seat on the end with Charlotte on his right.

He was pleasantly surprised Charlotte didn’t try to chit-chat at all during the movie, all she did was grab him a few times when something blew up, which he found to be kind of funny. He offered her popcorn a few times, which she politely refused with a whisper of ‘no thank you’ in his ear. So he ate his popcorn, watched a whole bunch of shit explode & let Charlotte grab his arm. Overall, not a terrible experience, all things considered.

When the movie ended, they filed out behind Charlotte’s friends who suddenly disappeared into the crowd. Murphy saw Connor waiting for him in the lobby, pacing, and he turned toward Charlotte to say a polite goodbye. “Well.....thanks for asking me to watch the movie with you & your friends. I had fun.”

She had a strange little smile on her face & she kept her eyes locked on his. “Me too. I’m glad you sat with me. I hope I didn’t bruise your arm.”

Murphy grinned, flexing his bicep in the air with a flourish. “Nah, I’m tougher than I look.”

Charlotte giggled & her hand went to his arm, squeezing his muscle. “I can tell.”

He suddenly dropped his arm & motioned over his shoulder, “There’s my brother over there, I better get going.”

Charlotte nodded, “I’d love to meet him.”

Murphy glanced at Connor & then back at Charlotte, his hand running through his hair. “Ummm.....maybe some other time, okay?”

“Okay, maybe next time.”

He nodded & mumbled another ‘thanks’ and slowly walked away while she watched him.

“Geez, Murph, I was wondering where you were,” Connor mumbled when Murphy finally joined him. Connor caught sight of Charlotte watching his twin & he smirked, motioning at the same time. “Is that the girl you were with? The one staring at you?”

Murphy nodded, staring at Connor as he checked out Charlotte. “She’s cute, Murph. ‘Course no one will ever be good enough for you. No one but me, that is.”

Murphy’s eyes lit up, what was Connor saying? There’s only one person Murphy wanted, only one. But he couldn’t have him, not in the way he wanted, not being brothers and all. But still.....what Connor just said.....Murphy felt a spark of hope deep in his heart, a surge of electricity that went through to his soul. Did he mean it the way it sounded? Is it possible?

Then Connor looked at him, square in the eyes and smiled one of his special smiles meant only for Murphy & the world faded away into a labyrinth of colors, time seemed to slow down. Before Murphy could even breathe and ask what he had meant, Connor wrapped his arm around his shoulders & pulled him out the door where Katie was waiting.


	4. Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains explicit content/masturbation.

Murphy woke up first that Saturday morning. He loved when he woke up first, it happened so infrequently, but when it did happen, it felt like a gift from the angels. Today when he opened his eyes, he was greeted with Connor’s sleeping face in the next bed and he felt a wave of pure bliss course through his body. He could gaze at his twin with unabashed love, he didn’t have to be careful, there was no one that would see, he could just look at the face that he loved more than life itself and not have to hide his feelings.

Murphy was lying on his stomach & as he stared at his brother he smiled, wondering what Connor was dreaming about. Murphy couldn’t help but hope that maybe, just maybe, Connor was dreaming about him right now. Connor’s face was completely relaxed but there was a slight smile on his lips & Murphy couldn’t help but think that Connor looked happy. Murphy ran his eyes over his features, taking inventory. Connor had the best face, and Murphy loved his lips the most, they were full & just perfect. He had felt those lips before, but not in the way he wanted. Those lips had pressed against his forehead and his cheek countless times but only rarely had they pressed against his mouth. And only for the briefest of moments, not even long enough for Murphy to taste Connor on his lips.

And Murphy wanted to know what Connor tasted like. He dreamt of it.

Murphy’s mind drifted to the night before, to what Connor had said to him, “‘No one will ever be good enough for you. No one but me, that is.” No one but HIM? He still didn’t know why Connor had said that, or what it meant. He knew what he wanted it to mean, what he hoped & prayed for every night at the foot of his bed, but he was completely baffled. He was afraid to ask what he meant, he had spent the night pretending that Connor wanted him, wanted him like a lover would want him. And he didn’t want that dream to end. Not yet, anyway.

Then Connor shifted, the sheet moving further down his bare chest & Murphy’s eyes traveled over his hard body, his hard nipples, his six pack abs. Murphy often slept in the same bed with Connor, they’d been doing that their whole lives, and he knew how those arms felt wrapped around his body. He knew how that chest felt against his cheek, under his hand, against his back. He knew how that body felt pressed against his.

Shit, stop it Murph, just fucking stop it.

Murphy shifted uncomfortably in his bed, he felt himself rapidly growing harder, his growing bulge pressing into the mattress almost painfully. He almost let his hand drift between his legs, he wanted to wank off more than anything but Connor could wake up at any moment & they had an understanding between them.....no wanking when the other one was either awake or could see. And if Connor woke, he’d see. Fuck.

He knew he could go into the bathroom & take care of the growing ache between his legs but then he’d have to stop looking at Connor. And he wasn’t ready to stop looking at Connor. Murphy almost chuckled at the irony. He was hard because of Connor but he couldn’t wank off because of Connor.

Another shift from the next bed & the sheet traveled further south & Murphy could see the patch of hair between Connor’s legs. His eyes widened, Connor didn’t usually sleep nude but he must have last night. The sheet clung between his legs & Murphy could just make out the outline of Connor’s fat prick.

Murphy shifted in his own bed, trying not to rut into the mattress, trying to find some sort of relief for his aching cock. But with every movement, even the tiniest shift, his cock rubbed harder against the mattress causing him to bite his lip to prevent a moan from escaping. FUCK, he wanted to wank. He forced his eyes back to Connor’s face, his hands fisting his sheets to prevent any form of pulling or stroking. He focused on Connor’s face, on Connor’s nose, on Connor’s mouth…..oh sweet Jesus, that mouth…..FUCK!

He took a deep breath, thinking he should close his eyes to clear his head but he knew that wouldn’t do the trick, Connor was imbedded in his mind, in his soul.

Murphy lifted his hips from the mattress, trying to find some sort of relief, but no relief was found, the growing ache between his legs seemed to amplify with every passing second. He lowered himself back to the mattress & he just couldn’t help himself, he didn’t mean to, it just sort of happened.

He rutted against the mattress a half dozen times, his hips jerking as he pushed his hardness along the mattress, his bed squeaking louder than he expected as his hips grinded. A few tiny panting sounds escaped from between his lips at the wave of pleasure he felt.....he wanted more, he needed more.

He froze, trying to regain some composure, his eyes still on Connor’s beautiful face as the sun began to hit his skin. Murphy’s eyes drifted back to his lips, imagining those lips on his lips, on his neck, on his cock. He began to grind his hips again, slowly at first, knowing he shouldn’t do this with Connor right there but as the pleasure began to take over, his rutting grew more frenzied & he just couldn’t stop, it felt so fucking good. He could feel himself beginning to sweat, his hair damp & sticking to his forehead & neck while tiny drops of sweat formed across his bare back, causing the sheet to stick to his body.

He kept his eyes on his brother as his hand moved to his cock, pulling it out of his boxers & fisting himself as his hips thrust his hardness in his own hand. The bed squeaked loudly with every hip thrust & he hoped it wouldn’t wake Connor, but the friction felt so amazing that he just couldn’t stop, no matter how loud the bed creaked. His breathing sounded loud in his own ears & he pushed his mouth into his pillow to stifle his moaning, biting into the material, as his eyes gazed at the beautiful image of his brother bathed in sunlight. Connor looked like an angel, a beautiful, perfect angel. Murphy’s angel.

After a few dozen pumps of his hips, Murphy came in his hand, thick strings of cum spurting beneath him, coating his hand, stomach & sheet. He had tried to keep his eyes open, tried to keep looking at the most perfect creature God had ever created, but his eyes had clamped shut of their own volition when his orgasm began.

He collapsed on the bed, not even caring that he was lying in his own cum, and he reopened his eyes as his breathing began to return to normal, smiling at what had made his orgasm so intense, his incredible Connor. He reached up & wiped his hand on the corner of the sheet just as Connor stretched & opened his eyes, searching for Murphy in the next bed.

Murphy jerked his hand from the edge of the sheet, hoping Connor didn’t notice the sticky mess he had just wiped there. Connor was eyeing him carefully, his gaze searching his face, his eyes darting to his hair & down his back. Murphy tried his best to look innocent, like he hadn’t just done what he had just done.

Suddenly Connor was on his feet and at Murphy’s bedside, apparently not caring that he was completely nude and standing directly in front of his brother, his cock practically in his face. He stood looking down at him & Murphy felt a wave of panic, his blood suddenly ran cold. Oh shit.....did Connor know he had just wanked off while staring at him?

Murphy looked up over his shoulder at his brother, being careful not to even look at the incredible prick dangling directly in front of him. “What?” he quietly asked, keeping his voice as steady as he could.

“Why’re you all sweaty?”

“Ummmm.”

“Ummm is not an answer, Murph. Why’re you so sweaty?”

“Dunno, I’m just hot I guess.”

Connor reached out & pushed Murphy’s damp hair off his forehead, pressing his palm to his skin. “Do you feel sick at all?”

“I’m fine, Conn, honest. I’m just a little hot, that’s all.”

Connor moved his hand from Murphy’s forehead to his cheek, pressing the back of his fingers against his skin before moving his hand slowly away. “I don’t think you have a fever but you’re so sweaty, even your back is wet, Murph. You sure you feel all right?”

“Aye, right as rain, Conn. I promise.”

Connor nodded his head slowly, not sure if he believed his twin or not, his eyes searching his brother’s baby blues for any deceit. Murphy shifted in his bed under his brother’s scrutiny, not daring to sit up or even roll over, lest Connor see the mess he was lying in, the mess he had pumped from his own body just a few minutes ago, the mess that was drying on his stomach & the front of his boxers.

Connor saw something in his brother’s eyes but wasn’t exactly sure what it was & he stared at him for a few more moments, trying to figure it out. Murphy hated when Connor looked at him like that, like he was only a heartbeat away from knowing his darkest secrets, the secrets he barely admitted to having.

“Are ya gonna stand there & stare at me all day, Conn?”

“No.....are ya gonna lay there in bed all day, Murph?”

“No.....maybe just a bit longer, s’all. I’m really comfortable right now. You can shower first, I’ll just lay here until you’re done.”

Murphy dropped his head back on his pillow, trying to appear as if he was comfortable when all he wanted was to roll off his sticky mess & clean himself. He felt dirty & gross but he’d lie there unmoving all day if he had to, just as long as Connor didn’t know.

“You sure you’re okay, Murph?”

“Fuck, Conn, you’re worse than Ma.”

Connor snorted at the slight insult, moving slowly away from his twin but keeping his eyes on him. Murphy closed his eyes, knowing Connor was watching him closely & he tried to appear as if he was falling back asleep. He heard Connor shifting around the room before feeling Connor’s presence next to his bed once again. After a moment, Murphy felt Connor’s fingers in his hair, gently petting his locks, his fingers lacing through his dark strands. “Don’t forget I’m cutting your hair today, Murph.”

“Mmm-hmm,” Murphy quietly moaned, he loved when Connor played with his hair, it was not only loving, it was sensual.....at least to Murphy.

Connor chuckled quietly, “Just don’t forget.”

“Mmm-mmmm,” another Murphy mumble.

Then the hair stroking stopped, much to Murphy’s dismay, but Connor didn’t move away, he stood there for another minute, unmoving. Murphy slowly opened his eyes & looked up at Connor who was smiling down at him.

Connor placed his hand on the back of Murphy’s head & leaned down, gently kissing his hair before quietly padding off to the bathroom, shutting the door with barely a peep. When Murphy heard the shower start, he finally sat up & began to clean himself with his sheet, his mind on what Connor had just done.

Murphy felt content, he felt happy, he felt loved. And he wouldn’t do anything to ruin that. He’d push down his feelings, he’d hide his desires, his lust. He had to. He just hoped he could actually do it.


	5. Tease

Murphy entered the kitchen to the intoxicating smell of bacon. Connor was at the stove, looking ridiculous in Ma’s apron, flipping eggs carefully so as not to break the yolks. Connor preferred scrambled eggs but Murphy liked his eggs fried, over easy, so that’s the way Connor made them.

“Get the plates, Murph,” he instructed without even looking up, “breakfast is almost ready.”

Murphy quickly obeyed his brother, pulling the chipped dishes from the cupboard. Connor turned off the stove & they began to work in tandem, each instinctively knowing where the other was, what the other was doing. Murphy held a plate out & Connor slid eggs & bacon onto it, not missing a beat. Their timing was perfect as they passed items without even looking.....butter, jam, salt, toast. Murphy got glasses from the cupboard, Connor got milk from the refrigerator, chocolate for Murph, plain for himself.

A soft prayer, a delicious meal and twenty minutes later, both boys were full. They were talking quietly about nothing in particular when their Ma finally stumbled from her bedroom, wearing her ratty housecoat, her hair in curlers, a scowl on her face from her obvious hangover. She glanced at the boys before moving into the living room, mumbling something about coffee.

Connor made the coffee & Murphy got the cup, putting a teaspoon of sugar into it before Connor poured the dark brew over the top. Connor stopped Murphy before he left, quickly wiping the milk from his upper lip and as Murphy moved to the living room, Connor began to clean the kitchen, trying to keep as quiet as possible.

“Ma?”

She opened her eyes, reaching for the cup. “About time. And you better make sure that kitchen is cleaned proper or it’ll be both your asses.”

“Yes, Ma.”

“Give me my cigarettes,” she commanded before he could walk away & he quickly passed them to his mother, watching as she lit one & inhaled deeply. “Connor tells me he’s cutting your hair today.”

“Yes, Ma.”

“’Bout time, you’re starting to look like a little girl,” she inhaled the cigarette smoke again, watching him for a reaction but when she got none, she leaned forward & pointed her finger at him. “Just make sure he cuts it short enough, I won’t have people thinking one of my twins is a girl. I won’t stand for that, Murphy.”

Murphy knew he didn’t look like a girl but he wasn’t about to argue with his mother, not in the mood she was in. So instead, he responded quietly, “Yes, Ma.”

She leaned back in her seat & lifted the cup to her lips, taking a long drink while she kept her eyes on her youngest child. Murphy shifted on his feet, feeling more nervous, more anxious under his mother’s evaluation. He practically jumped when Connor said over his shoulder, “Ma? I need Murphy to help me clean up.”

She nodded, “All right. Go help your brother.” And Murphy practically ran from the living room, almost knocking down his twin in the process.

“Connor?” she said & he paused. “Cut his hair outside, I don’t want a bunch of hair all over the kitchen.”

Connor nodded in response, “Of course, Ma.”

 

Connor dragged the kitchen chair out the door, not pausing at the porch, not pausing at the bottom of the stairs, not pausing until he was under the oak tree deep in the backyard. Murphy followed quietly behind his brother, his hands full of what Connor called ‘the tools of the hair trade,’ scissors, comb, brush, a large water bottle with a spray top & a towel. They only slowed when they crossed the gravel in the driveway, careful due to their bare feet which were now being tickled by the soft grass under the tree.

“Why’re we way out here? Why can’t ya cut my hair in the house?”

“’Cause Ma is home & she’ll be pissed at us if I cut it inside.”

“You mean she’ll be pissed at me,” Murphy quietly mumbled.

“She’s in a bad mood today so let’s not rile her up, aye? Besides, it’s a nice day & it’ll do you good to get some fresh air.”

“I guess.”

Connor patted the seat of the chair, “Park it, Murph.”

Without hesitation, Murphy sat in the seat and Connor took the items from his hands, placing them gently on the grass next to the chair. Connor leaned over his twin & began to pull at his t-shirt, yanking it up.

“What’re you doing?” Murphy grumbled, pulling away in surprise. 

“Taking your shirt off. I need to get your hair wet and you know your shirt always gets wet in the process. I don’t want you sitting in the shade in a wet shirt.”

“I can do it, Connor.”

Connor stepped back, crossing his arms across his chest & raising his eyebrow. “Fine. Strip for me, Murph.” 

Murphy froze, his shirt halfway up his chest, his stomach exposed. His eyes were wide & staring at Connor, unblinking.

Connor smirked, “Come on….you said you could do it. Strip.”

Murphy quickly recovered, rolled his eyes & pulled his shirt over his head, “You’re an ass,” he mumbled as he tossed his shirt at his brother.

Connor easily caught the shirt & tossed it onto the grass, leaning toward his twin with a shake of his finger. “You’re just lucky I don’t make ya take off your pants.”

“No, Connor, you’re lucky,” Murphy retorted, knowing Connor wouldn’t catch the double entendre.

“Don’t get sassy with me, Murph, or I really will make ya strip further. I might be wanting you naked when I cut your hair.”

“You first.”

Connor laughed out loud, “You think I won’t? My dear brother, you know I will.”

After a beat, Connor quickly pulled his shirt off & tossed it onto the grass next to Murphy’s. He followed this with a slow unfastening of his belt, pulling it slowly from the loops of his pants & tossing it onto his shirt. His eyes were glued to Murphy’s in a challenge as he undid the top button on his jeans and then slowly unzipped. Connor’s jeans were open, his green boxers on display as he stood before his twin with a smirk on his face.

“Big deal, Connor.”

“I’m waiting.”

Murphy’s eyes darted down to Connor’s jeans, he didn’t mean to do it, it just happened. His eyes froze, staring, he couldn’t look away.

“Yup, I’m unzipped Murph. Your turn.”

Murphy shifted in his seat, finally looking to the side, away from the bulge in Connor’s jeans. His eyes had remained glued to Connor’s crotch for too long, he shouldn’t have looked at all, Connor had to have noticed. He could feel the blush on his face deepening & spreading. 

“Come on, I’m waiting. Start with the belt, nice and slow.”

Murphy didn’t know what to do, he was afraid if he looked at his twin, he’d start to get hard again and he couldn’t let that happen, not here, not now, not right in front of Connor.

“Fine. I’ll take the next step.” And out of the corner of his eye, Murphy saw Connor drop his pants & kick them to the side. Connor placed his hands on his hips for a moment, “You said me first and I went first. It’s your turn, Murph. Don’t leave me hanging.”

Murphy stood up slowly, still not knowing what he was going to do. He started to chew his lip as he considered his options.

Maybe he’d tell Connor how he felt. No, he’d already promised himself that he’d push his feelings down, hide how he felt. He’d be a good brother, not some pervert lusting after his twin.

Maybe he’d walk away. No, he’d never be able to walk away from Connor, not ever.

Maybe he’d just suck it up & drop his pants. No, he didn’t have the guts to do that, not under these conditions.

“For Christ sake, Murph.” Then Connor’s fingers were on his belt, undoing it & pulling it from his waist. He tossed it on the grass & he grabbed the front waistband of Murphy’s jeans, roughly pulling him closer, causing Murphy’s eyes to shoot to Connor’s.

Connor smiled, whispering, “Show me what you got.” Then Murphy’s pants were unbuttoned, unzipped & sliding down his thighs, bunching at his ankles.

Murphy couldn’t believe what was happening, Connor was stripping him, he had to be dreaming, that was it, this was a dream.....a beautiful, perfect dream.

Then Connor dropped to his knees & took Murphy’s leg in his hand, lifting it & pushing his jeans away. He moved to the other leg & repeated this before tossing the pants onto his own.

Connor looked up at Murphy and Murphy felt his breath hitch. Connor was right there, directly in front of him, directly in front of IT, on his fucking knees with only Murphy’s thin boxers separating him from his brother. Murphy held his breath, waiting to see what Connor had in mind.....hoping he would do what Murphy had been wishing for, hoping for, praying for. God, please.

“Was that so fucking hard?” Connor loudly asked.

No, not yet, but there was certainly potential.

“Conn.....” Murphy breathed out, not able to look away from his kneeling twin. He could feel his breathing growing heavier, like his breath was hot, and his tongue slid across his suddenly dry lips. Connor looked beautiful on his knees gazing up at him with a slight smile, he wanted Connor to take him in his mouth, he wanted to see his prick slide between those perfect lips, he wanted Connor to make him cum. If only Connor would say something, if only Connor would do something, if only Connor would touch something. As he held Connor’s gaze, he could feel his erection start to grow between his legs and a moan began to build deep in his chest.

Connor stood up, smiling gently. “Relax, Murph, just take it easy. I won’t make ya get naked, we wouldn’t want to scare the neighbors with that white ass of yours.”

Murphy nodded slowly, his eyes dropping to the ground, his lip almost bleeding from where he had begun to bite it again. He could feel himself shaking & he felt like he was about to panic. He had come so close to moaning his brother’s name, he almost did it, he almost slipped. His mind was yelling at his dick to calm the fuck down, quit rising to attention, soften up, soften up, just fucking soften up.

“I didn’t upset you, did I Murph? Hey.....I was only teasing. Are you okay?”

Murphy grinned & nodded as he looked back at his brother. Connor was only teasing, he hadn’t meant any of it, not one bit. Murphy felt his eyes begin to water, he was such a fucking idiot, of course Connor was only teasing him, trying to have some fun, of course.

“Murph.....shit, I’m sorry. Honest, I was only playing around.”

“S’okay, Conn.” Murphy knew Connor was confused, he knew he didn’t understand why he was upset, he had no idea how tortured Murphy was.

“I didn’t mean to upset you. You know that, right?”

Another nod, “I know. It’s okay, I’m fine.” Murphy blinked away his tears, he didn’t like how Connor was looking at him, like he felt sorry for him or something. Murphy preferred how Connor looked at him when he was just ‘playing around,’ when he was on his knees in front of him, when Murphy could pretend that Connor wanted to please him, to be with him, maybe even fuck him. But to Connor, it had just been a game, nothing more.

Murphy took a deep breath, thankful that the tears hadn’t fallen while at the same time, hoping his dick would quickly soften. Connor hadn’t yet noticed that he had begun to pitch a tent in his boxers, Connor’s concerned eyes had remained glued to his brother’s face, seeking out assurance that he really was all right.

Connor placed his hand gently on Murphy’s shoulder & gave a hard squeeze.

“Sorry, Conn. I don’t know why I’m so upset.”

“I know why.”

“You—you know why?” Shit.

“Yeah, Murph, and it’s okay, I understand.....It’s your time of the month, aye?”

There was a pause & then Murphy laughed out loud, no matter what, Connor could make him laugh. No matter what. “Fuck you.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Yes, Murphy thought, I’d love that. But Murphy wouldn’t act on it. Connor didn’t want him in THAT way, not now & probably not ever. Murphy remembered his promise he made himself just a couple hours before, he’d be a good brother, he wouldn’t lust after Connor, he’d hide his feelings. This was going to be the hardest thing he’d ever done.

“Murphy MacManus!” Their Ma’s yell echoed across the yard as she stomped across the grass toward the twins, her eyes accusing.

Oh, Fuck.


	6. Busted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter but it seemed to naturally end where it did, so I let it be. The next chapter will continue with the haircut & be much longer.

Murphy took a step back from his charging mother, turning his body away, hoping she wouldn’t notice what was going on in his boxers. Connor hadn’t noticed, maybe Murphy would be lucky & she wouldn’t notice either.

As she reached the twins, she roared, “I was just in your room, young man!”

Their Ma rarely went in their room, she always said she wanted to respect their privacy, but in reality, she just couldn’t stand the mess that 2 boys made.

“What’d you do that for?” Murphy questioned with large eyes, fearful of what she might have seen, what she might have found. There were a lot of things he didn’t want her to see and any one of those things would get him in trouble.

“I told you to bring down the glass when you were done drinking that chocolate milk you love so much. I knew you’d leave it in your room & there it was, on your dresser, milk dried at the bottom.”

Murphy sighed in relief. His glass. She was mad about the glass in his room. “I forgot. I’m sorry.....I’ll wash it, Ma.”

She crossed her arms, glaring at him. “That’s not what I’m upset about. I won’t have you defiling yourself in my house, young man. I told you how I feel about you touching yourself and I won’t tolerate having a filthy little pervert for a son.”

Connor’s head turned to look at his brother, confusion spreading across his face. Murphy? A filthy little pervert? No way, not Murph. His brother was a lot of things.....stubborn, emotional, a pain in the ass.....but Murphy certainly wasn’t a pervert. Connor knew this for a fact.

Murphy hung his head & stared at the ground, wishing it would open up & swallow him then and there. He knew what she had seen, she saw his sheets. He hadn’t had time to change his bed before Connor was done in the shower and he couldn’t think of a reason to change his sheets that Connor would believe. So he had thrown a blanket over his bed, planning to change his sheets later when Connor was busy doing something else. Murphy still had to do the wash for the week so it would have been easy to sneak the linen in with the wash & no one would have known. Until his Ma had gone snooping.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you.”

He reluctantly lifted his eyes to hers, looking at her through his dark, shaggy hair as she hissed, “You go and get those sheets off your bed & you wash them right now.”

“Yes, Ma,” Murphy quietly mumbled & he began to move toward the house.

“Put your pants on first, Murphy,” she instructed & Murphy immediately turned & grabbed his pants off the grass, quickly pulling them on before making a beeline for the house.

His mother’s voice trailed after him, “If I so much as see any more of those stains on your linen, I’ll whip you six ways to Sunday, Murphy, so help me God, I’ll do it.”

Murphy stomped into the house, slamming the door. He wanted to fucking die. His ma had ruined everything, she just had to embarrass him in front of his twin. Now Connor knew he had wanked in bed, he probably even knew he had done it with Connor right there. Murphy was totally fucked. He had to think of a way to explain it to Connor so it didn’t sound so bad.

He quickly stripped his bed & stomped down the stairs to the wash room, throwing his sheets in the washer, quickly adding detergent & turning the machine on.

“Add bleach to the wash, Murphy,” Ma instructed from behind him. “And use hot water.”

Murphy didn’t look up, he grabbed the bleach container & poured some into the machine before readjusting the dial to ‘hot.’

He heard his mother sigh from behind him, her anger now dissipated. “We’ll talk more later about what you did. Go and get your hair cut. Connor is waiting for you.”

Murphy quickly moved past her, not looking up from the floor & he went outside, pausing on the porch & looking toward the oak tree for his twin. Connor had completely redressed & was sitting in the chair, picking at his fingernails while he waited.

He felt Murphy’s presence across the yard & looked up, meeting his eyes & smiling. Murphy dropped his eyes immediately, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to look Connor in the eye again, and he didn’t know why Connor was smiling, there was nothing to smile about, at least as far as Murphy was concerned.

Murphy thought about turning around & hiding in his room, but he’d have to walk past Ma to get there. He thought about leaving, just getting the fuck out of there, but he wasn’t wearing shoes & he wouldn’t get far on the gravel road in bare feet. Either way, Connor would follow him so what was the point.

He glanced back at Connor who was patiently waiting & Murphy slowly began to walk toward him. Might as well get it over with, he just wished he had thought of a way to explain things so that Connor wouldn’t think he was a pig.

They stood together, face to face, Connor staring at Murphy, Murphy staring at the grass. Neither boy said anything, each waiting for the other to begin and Murphy realized he needed to be the one to start.

“Look, Conn.....why don’t we forget the haircut, okay? I’m sure you really don’t feel like touching me right now.” In fact, he was certain Connor would never touch him again, least of all his hair.

“Knock it off, Murph. I’m cutting your hair & that’s all there is to it.”

Murphy still didn’t know what to say, how to explain, what he could do to make it better. He still wanted to die.

“Murph,” Connor began quietly, leaning forward. “Look at me. Come on, look at Connor.”

Murphy took a deep breath & lifted his eyes to the gentle gaze of his brother, seeing understanding & love reflected in those eyes. There was a warmth that practically flowed between them and it warmed Murphy to his core.

“You think you’re the only one to play with yourself? You’re not. Look.....you can’t be wiping it off on your sheets, Murph. If you do it in your bed, wipe it on your boxers, Ma expects it there, she’ll think you did it in your sleep. Or do it in the shower, like I do.”

Murphy furrowed his brow, “You’re not mad at me?”

Connor scoffed, “Why would I be mad? You wanked in your bed. Big fucking deal.”

“But—I—I just—I,” Murphy swallowed loudly, composing himself. “You’re really not mad? Or grossed out?”

“No, I’m really not mad. And I’m not grossed out. It’s not like you wiped your cum on my sheets, Murph. Wait.....you didn’t do that, did you?”

Before Murphy could answer, Connor quickly said, “Never mind, forget I asked. I know you wouldn’t do that.”

“Of course not, Connor.”

Connor nodded, continuing “Look, I don’t give a fuck what Ma says, s’not a big deal. I wank too. All the time. But you know Ma freaks out about that stuff so just be smart about it next time.....think before you pull it. All right?”

Murphy nodded, happy once again. Connor wasn’t mad, not in the least, he was actually pretty cool about the entire thing, cooler than Murphy would have ever dreamed possible. Murphy returned Connor’s smile, he never felt so relieved in his life.

Connor motioned to the chair, “I still want to get my hands on your hair, you know. I’m ready anytime you are. That is, if you still want me to cut your hair.”

Murphy nodded & moved to the chair, sitting down & looking up at his brother, his eyes wide & full of nothing but love. “I want,” he quietly said.

“Then I’ll cut it for you. You trust me, right?” Connor quietly asked.

“I trust you with my life, Conn.”

And he did.


	7. Haircut

“Okay, Murph. You ready for me?” Connor quietly said from behind Murphy, his breath tickling his ear as he spoke. Murphy couldn’t help the small shiver that ran up his spine, he tried to suppress it but with Connors mouth that close to his ear, his response was involuntary. “I’ve been dying to get my hands in your hair.”

“Go for it,” Murphy quietly responded, eager with anticipation, barely able to sit still. “Just be gentle with me, aye?”

“I make no promises.”

Connor picked up the brush from the grass & he began to run it through Murphy’s thick dark hair, his fingers carefully untangling any knots he found along the way. Murphy sat as still as he could as Connor worked to tame his wild locks, his only movement the gentle bouncing of his leg up & down as he concentrated on the feel of the fingers in his hair, the gentle way they moved, the way they practically played with his strands before the brush would replace his fingers.

“Ya know.....you have the best hair, Murph.”

Murphy scowled, what the fuck was Connor talking about? His hair stuck up all the time, it grew too fucking fast & it wasn’t blonde, like Connor’s. The only thing Murphy liked about his hair was that, right now, Connor’s fingers were in it.

Connor looked at his brother’s face from over his shoulder, smiling at the scowl he saw. “I know you don’t believe me but it’s true. The color is this deep, almost auburn shade, and it makes your eyes look so blue, just like the ocean. And you know how much I love the ocean.”

Murphy could feel a blush begin, he couldn’t believe it.....Connor noticed his eyes again.

Connor dropped the brush to the grass, his fingers running through Murphy’s hair, massaging his scalp. It was always the same routine with Connor, he’d brush Murph’s hair first to get all the tangles out before moving on to a scalp massage. Murphy loved how consistent his twin was, especially when he reaped the benefit.

Connor had amazing fingers, gentle but firm at the same time, his nails lightly scratching Murphy’s scalp as they raked through his hair. Murphy swore Connor’s fingers lingered in his hair longer than they should have, almost as if he lost himself in what he was doing as much as Murphy was lost himself. Murphy bit his lip.....shit, he fucking loved those fingers in his hair, he couldn’t get enough of the sensations that Connor was giving him, the warmth he felt in his stomach, the goose bumps that were forming on his skin, the shivers that ran up his spine when Conn’s fingers softly grazed the tips of his ears.

“Are those goose bumps I see?” Connor chuckled, his hands pausing at the base of Murphy’s neck before he pushed his fingers deep into his hair once again, moving his hands upward, gently pulling Murphy’s hair between his fingers.

“Can’t help it,” Murphy mumbled, becoming slightly self-conscious. What if Connor thought it was weird? Or stupid? Or worse, what if he stopped because of it?

But Connor didn’t stop. On the contrary, he intensified what he was doing to his brother, his fingers moving just a bit quicker, firmer, bolder. His nails scratched a bit deeper into his scalp before his fingers ran over Murphy’s ears once again, lingering a moment on his earlobes, tickling them. Murphy shivered again in response before Connor’s fingers again traveled through his hair, practically stroking it.

“Shit, Murph, your hair’s so fucking soft, it’s just like silk. I love how it feels.”

“You do?”

“Can’t you tell?”

“I guess.” Murphy shrugged in response, he thought he had just been fooling himself, thinking Connor liked something more than just his eyes. But Connor liked how his hair felt, he said so, maybe Murphy wasn’t crazy after all.

“Soft as silk, Murph.”

Murphy still thought he had stupid hair, no matter how soft Connor said it was. Stupid & practically uncontrollable. “Big deal, Conn. So it’s soft, s’not like it ever looks good though.”

Connor shook his head slightly at his twins response, he really didn’t understand why Murphy sometimes put himself down. It always bothered Connor when his brother couldn’t see himself through his eyes, he couldn’t see just how amazing he actually was.

Connor’s touch became gentle, soothing, his fingers slowing to a more leisurely pace & Murphy recognized that Connor was almost ready to move on. Murphy always felt a bit melancholy when this happened, knowing that too soon Connor’s fingers would leave his hair, and Murphy would be left wanting more. Just like always.

“Your hair looks good, Murph.”

“It sticks up, Connor.”

“Not all the time.”

Murphy again scoffed, “No, just most of the time.”

Then Connor’s hands were suddenly gone & Murphy sighed loudly without even realizing he did so. Connor heard though, not realizing that Murphy was sighing at the loss of Connor’s touch, not at how he thought his hair looked.

Connor picked up the brush & he quickly began to run it through Murphy’s hair in long strokes, his hand following the brush & smoothing the dark strands. “I think it’s cute the way it sometimes sticks up, especially in the morning. In fact, I like that about your hair, it does whatever the fuck it wants. Kind of like you, Murph.”

Murphy shook his head, if he did whatever the fuck he wanted, he’d be doing Connor.

A cold wet spray of water suddenly hit Murphy in the face, followed by the loud cackle of his asshole brother. Before Murphy could recover, a second spritz hit his cheeks, followed by a more subdued laugh.

“Sorry, Murph, the spray bottle got away from me a bit.”

Before Murphy could retaliate, Connor began to pump the spray bottle with his finger, now wetting Murphy’s hair, water dripping onto his shoulders. Connor dropped the bottle to the ground & picked up the towel, wiping Murphy’s shoulders & then his face before picking up the comb & scissors.

“All right now, my dear Murphy. I’m gonna cut your hair and make you so attractive that all the girls will go crazy for you. They’ll probably even push me aside just to get to you.”

“Pretty sure that won’t happen, Connor.” He smirked at his own private joke, he was more than sure that wouldn’t happen, girls just didn’t seem to like him much. It’s almost like they could tell he was different, like they knew instinctively that he wasn’t interested, maybe even on some level they somehow knew he liked boys. Well.....at least one boy in particular.

Connor had moved to stand in front of Murphy, reaching forward to comb his wet hair to the side out of his eyes. “With those eyes of yours Murph, combined with this great haircut you’re getting, you can’t lose. Trust me, any girl you want will be putty in your hands.”

That was just it, though. Murphy didn’t want a girl, not a single one. He knew who he wanted, he was looking right at him this very second. Murphy didn’t respond to Connor’s comment, he couldn’t, he was too busy thinking of putty in the form of Connor.....in his hands.

“Earth to Murph, come in Murph,” Connor had begun to snip at Murphy’s hair carefully in small amounts, not taking too much off at first, trying to keep it even. “You’re thinking of someone special, aren’t ya?”

Murphy looked carefully at his brother, watching him for any sign of realization, but Connor’s eyes were now on his task at hand, snipping away with the scissors, carefully working around his ear.

“Maybe,” Murphy said quietly, not saying what he really wanted to say, ‘Yes, I’m thinking of someone special. It’s you, Connor. Always you.’

“Charlotte, right?”

“Who?”

Connor straightened up & cocked his head, now looking directly at his brother. “Don’t jerk me around, Murph. I know her name is Charlotte.”

Murphy’s mind was still preoccupied with impure thoughts of his brother & when he was thinking of Connor, his mind didn’t seem to work at all. Murphy struggled to put the pieces together. Charlotte.....from the movies.....the girl who had been so nice to him. Oh yeah, Charlotte. Then Murphy chuckled, Connor thought he was thinking of Charlotte? Not even close.....not unless Connor changed his name to Charlotte, that is.

“What’s so fucking funny?”

“Nothin’, Connor. Just forget it.”

Connor moved to the back of his brother, working to trim the back and top of his hair, scissors moving in tandem with the comb that he was now running through his hair. Connor paused to rewet his twins hair, spritzing it just enough to continue, before the snipping began once again, Connor again trimming around Murphy’s ears.

“I don’t see why you’re all embarrassed, Murph. Charlotte is a pretty girl and I’m telling you, the way she was staring at you, she’d go out with you in a heartbeat.”

“Maybe I don’t want to go out with HER, didja ever think of that?”

“Why the fuck not?”  
Murphy shrugged, what could he say that would explain to Connor without giving away too much? “She’s just not my type, that’s all.” Lame answer, but one that Murphy hoped Connor would accept.

But of course, Connor didn’t buy it. “Not your type? She’s pretty, she’s breathing and she has the hots for you. That makes her your type, Murph.”

“I just don’t like her like that. She’s nice and all, but like I said, she’s just not my type.”

There was a pause before Connor quietly asked, “So who’s your type, then?”

Murphy shrugged, he knew Connor would continue to press him on this, he always pushed when he felt Murphy was holding back. And Murphy was holding back big time. He had to.

“Come on, Murph, tell me. What do you like?”

He bit his tongue so he wouldn’t say ‘I like you.’ It was right there on the tip of his tongue, ready to be said. He wanted to say it so badly but instead he mumbled, “I like blondes.”

Connor chuckled, starting to become amused by the situation, Murphy was turning redder by the minute. “Blondes, huh? What else?”

“Blue eyes.”

“I see. So.....blonde hair, blue eyes.....go on.”

Murphy shrugged, knowing Connor wouldn’t stop until he got more information. Connor could be like a dog with a bone, he wouldn’t let it go until he was done. And he wasn’t done. Murphy was trapped, Connor hadn’t finished with his hair yet, Murphy couldn’t just get up & leave.....he’d have to say more.

Murphy thought of Connor and the millions of things he found attractive in his brother. He could list them all, he knew them by heart, they were burned in his memory. But he also knew he had to be vague, he couldn’t let Connor know who he was thinking about. “I guess I like a nice mouth.”

“You guess?”

Murphy sighed, “Fine.....I like a nice mouth.”

“Me too. I like soft lips, makes me want to kiss them.”

Murphy nodded, hoping the conversation would move to something else, anything else. He needed to stop thinking of Connor and his mouth. And kissing that mouth. This conversation was getting far too dangerous.

But Connor wasn’t done yet. “Let’s see what we have so far. Blonde hair, blue eyes, a sexy mouth. Sounds pretty good so far. Do you like them short or tall?”

“Tall.”

Connor laughed, “You want to climb a sexy tall blonde, don’t cha?”

Murphy didn’t answer, Connor had hit the nail on the head but Murphy didn’t dare respond. Connor gently patted his shoulder, his touch so soft that Murphy barely felt it. “Don’t be embarrassed, Murph. I never saw you with anyone before & I guess I’m just curious about what you like. I’d really like to hear more.”

There was a silence as Connor waited for his brother to open up further. He really was curious about what Murphy found attractive, what got his motor running, he really did want to know. And ever since Murphy had discovered his love for Connor, Murphy had wanted to tell him about all the things that he found amazing in his twin but had never dared to utter out loud.

Connor opened his mouth to push a little further but before the words could leave his lips, Murphy blurted out, “I like someone who can make me laugh, someone who’s funny, you know? Someone who’s nice and really super smart, not like Einstein or anything, but just smart. A smile that’s meant for only me, and eyes that look at me in a way that makes me melt.”

Connor thought Murphy was done & he was about to comment but then Murphy quietly added, “Listening is important. And so is touching.....I like to be touched. I like someone that cooks for me too, I think that’s romantic. And I like someone that can just have fun & not give a shit what other people think.”

Then Murphy suddenly fell silent, afraid he’d said too much, he hadn’t meant to say much of anything at all but once he started talking about Connor, he couldn’t stop.

“Hmmm.....Sounds like you’re talking about someone in particular.”

Murphy almost shit himself. If he admitted he had someone specific in mind, Connor wouldn’t let up until he knew who. And Murphy certainly couldn’t tell him the truth. So he lied. “No, not really. You asked what I liked and I told you.”

“Aye. That you did.”

“So you see? Charlotte’s not my type.”

“I guess not but she’d be a fine way to spend your time until that tall, blue-eyed blonde shows up to cook you a romantic meal, don’t cha think?”

Murphy shrugged in relief, it sounded like Connor was dropping the subject. For now, at least.

Connor was quiet as he continued to work on Murphy’s hair & Murphy could practically feel him pondering the situation, evaluating it in the way only Connor’s mind worked. Murphy didn’t think he’d figure it out, he couldn’t, Murphy had been too careful. No, Connor had no idea who he’d been describing.

Connor had finished the back of Murphy’s hair & moved again to stand in front of him, pausing to inspect his twin. “It’s still too long.”

“You sure? It feels a lot shorter to me.”

Connor knelt in front of Murphy for the second time that day, causing Murphy to shift in his seat, what the fuck was Connor doing?

He looked so comfortable on his knees, like he belonged like that in front of Murphy. Connor tapped his finger on Murphy’s knee, “Spread your legs for me.”

Murphy froze. Those five words staggered him, he never, ever expected to hear Connor say that to him, not in a million years. For a split second, it crossed Murphy’s mind that Connor said that because he had figured out who Murphy was talking about and he wanted him. Murphy couldn’t move, his eyes full of longing that he couldn’t hide, so instead he looked away, he couldn’t let Connor see the desire that burned in his soul.

Murphy felt another gentle tap on his knee, “Open your legs, Murph.”

Shit, fucking shit, he said it again. But still, Murphy couldn’t move.

Connor’s hands were on his knees, pushing his thighs open gently but firmly, and Murphy didn’t fight him, he let it happen. Then Connor’s hands were under his knees, lifting his legs & opening them wider before placing his feet back on the grass in the gentle way Connor had. Connor scooted between Murphy’s thighs, leaning forward & resting his elbows on Murphy’s thighs, gazing up at him. All Murphy wanted to do was wrap his legs around Connor, he was right fucking there, it would be so easy. Maybe Connor wanted that, maybe that’s why he was kneeling between his legs, maybe that’s what he had in mind when he told Murphy to spread his legs.

Murphy was too scared to do what his heart told him to do. What if he was wrong? Again? What if he completely misunderstood the situation? Maybe Connor was just playing around like before, trying to have fun, teasing. Murphy couldn’t make a move unless he was sure that’s what Connor wanted. And he wasn’t sure, not at all. So instead, he sat completely still, completely unmoving, practically comatose while he waited to see what Connor did next.

Murphy could see out of the corner of his eye that Connor was staring at him and Murphy held his breath when Connor lifted his hand toward Murphy’s face. But instead of him stroking his cheek, or maybe his mouth, Connor pulled at the sides of Murphy’s hair.

“Told you.....still too long, Murph. I need to take a little more off, okay?”

Murphy nodded in response, his voice soft & barely heard over the chirping birds in the tree above them. “O-okay.”

“Unless you don’t want me to.”

“No, s’fine, Connor. Whatever you say.”

Connor remained between Murphy’s thighs & he ran the comb through his still wet hair, the scissors snipping softly as he cut more of the dark locks. Connor leaned forward, his body pressing between his thighs as he reached higher to cut Murphy’s bangs but Murphy didn’t dare look at him, he kept his eyes averted. Murphy could feel Connor’s hot breath on his bare chest, warming the areas which were cold from his dripping hair & he fought the urge to close his eyes.

Murphy felt weak, like he’d just run a marathon, and his legs were actually shaking even though he’d been sitting for awhile. He guessed that’s what lust did to a person, made them feel weak and shaky, needy and pathetic. But there was more to this situation than plain lust and Murphy knew it deep in his heart. There was love. Murphy was in love with Connor.

Murphy finally looked at his brother, smiling at the crease in his forehead, he loved that crease, he loved the way it deepened when he was concentrating on something. Connor was so close & Murphy was tempted to kiss him, just to see what Connor would do. But he knew better. As much as he liked to pretend that Connor would kiss him back, he was certain Connor would push him away. So he did nothing.

Maybe he should stop pretending.....stop pretending Connor wanted him but was too afraid to act on it. Stop pretending Connor dreamt of loving him in the same way Murphy dreamt about Connor. Stop pretending that one day Connor would tell him he was in love with him, take him in his arms and kiss him until he couldn’t think straight. Stop pretending period.

As Connor brushed the loose hair from his chest & thighs, Murphy knew he couldn’t stop pretending. Not with being this close to Connor every day and not with being so desperately in love with him.

Pretending was all he had.


	8. Punished

This was so fucking embarrassing. 

Murphy tried to tune his mother’s voice out for the past 10 minutes, tried to ignore her scolding, but every time his mind drifted, she’d either smack the back of his head or slam her hand on the table, jarring him back to the present. It was like she could sense when his mind was elsewhere. 

“I know teenage boys all want to be pulling on their willies, Murphy. I suppose you’re no different than any other boy your age. But I won’t be tolerating masturbation in this house, I’ve told you that before.” 

She poured more whiskey into her glass before taking a healthy pull from her cigarette, exhaling slowly as she stared at her youngest. Murphy wouldn’t look at her, he couldn’t, he’d rather die than look at his mother as she said the word ‘masturbation.’ 

“What do you have to say for yourself?” 

Murphy shrugged, “Nothin’.” 

“I expected an ‘I’m sorry’ from you. Or maybe a promise that you won’t be doing that again.” 

There was a silence that hung in the air between them, Murphy fidgeting while his mother waited. Finally, Murphy realized that until he said something, his mother wasn’t going to let him go. 

“I don’t wanna lie, Ma,” he quietly confessed. 

“So you’re not sorry then?” 

Murphy thought back to the morning, to what he did in his bed, to how hard he came to thoughts of Connor. No.....he wasn’t sorry, not at all. If Connor was involved, he’d never be sorry and he’d never lie & say he was. 

He shook his head ‘no’ and his mother slammed her hand on the table harder than he’d ever seen before. Whiskey spilled over the rim of the glass & puddled around the tumbler, the ice cubes rattling loudly from the impact. 

“Murphy!” she practically screamed his name & he cringed in response when she suddenly stood up & stormed from the room, retreating to her bedroom with a slam of the door. He didn’t know what to do, she’d just left him sitting there, was he excused? Or should he wait for her to come back & yell some more?

Minutes later, he was still sitting at the table, having decided it was better he wait, just in case. He heard the creaking of her door as it slowly opened & he didn’t dare look up as she walked back into the kitchen, her slippers loudly shuffling across the linoleum. She sat down at the table, quickly drinking the whiskey that hadn’t spilled from her glass before lighting another cigarette. They sat in silence as she smoked it down to the filter, finally butting it out in the overflowing ashtray. 

“Ma?” 

“What is it, Murphy?” She didn’t sound mad anymore, she sounded exhausted, maybe even a little sad. 

Suddenly he was nervous. He expected her to come in like a screaming banshee but she hadn’t done that, she was cool & calm instead. And that made him nervous. “Can I go back to my room now?” 

“Not yet.” Then she poured more whiskey in her glass & drank it down in one gulp, something Murphy had seen her do only on rare occasion. “Get your sheets from   
the dryer, they should be ready to be put back on your bed. And Murphy, I don’t want to find anything on your sheets again, understand?” 

“Yes, Ma.” He waited a moment before slowly standing up, relieved that this embarrassment was finally ending. He went to the washroom & took his sheets from the dryer, quickly moving to the stairs that led to his room and back to safety. Back to Connor. 

“Murphy, wait.” 

He turned toward his ma, hugging his sheets closer to his body as he waited for her to approach, relieved that there was no anger or disgust in her eyes. She surprised him by hugging him tightly & kissing his head and he leaned into her hug, relishing her closeness. 

“I love you, boy. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like I did. But I still have to punish you for the lust in your heart.” 

 

If she only knew.......

 

 

Connor was waiting for his twin to return to their room, pacing with nervous energy, hoping that Murphy wouldn’t be punished too severely. After all, all Murph did was wank in his bed, something every teenage boy did from time to time.....even Connor. So what if Murphy had wiped his jizz on his sheets, they’re his sheets. And he promised Connor he’d be smarter about it next time, he’d think before he pulled it, just like Connor told him. 

Murphy finally returned, his face so red that he was practically glowing, his arms overflowing with his clean sheets. He tossed his sheets onto his mattress & flopped down on his back on top of them, sighing loudly. 

“I swear, Connor. There’s nothin’ worse than Ma saying the word masturbation.” 

Connor smiled, flopping on his back next to his brother. “Aye, I s’pose you’re right about that. Did she punish you, then?”

“Aye.....she said I had to be punished for the lust in my heart. But it’s not like I can just fucking stop or anything.” Murphy shook his head & quietly complained, “She just doesn’t understand how hard it is.”

Connor broke into a fit of laughter, he was barely able to contain himself. “It’s hard again, eh, Murph?”

Murphy laughed with his brother, leave it to Connor to make an erection joke. “Shit, Conn.....I get hard if the fucking wind blows.”

“Well God help you if we get a tornado then, your dick might explode.”

“I think it already did. All over my fucking sheets, that’s what started the problem.”

They laughed together at their crude humor, Murphy reveling in how close Connor was, his shoulder was touching him and his leg brushed against his as Connor shifted, turning onto his side & supporting his head in his hand, looking at him with those eyes that made Murphy forget to think.

“So? What’s the punishment? Thirty days hard labor, scrubbing cum stains from your sheets?”

Murphy looked up at his twin, redness flaring over his features, his pale skin turning deeper crimson with embarrassment. Connor talking about cum stains could make him blush in record time. And the way he was looking down at him while talking about those cum stains wasn’t helping either.

“I can’t go anywhere for the next week, other than school or church. And every day she’s giving me a list of extra chores to do, she says she wants me so exhausted that I’ll have no energy left for my extracurricular activities.....pretty sure she’s not talking about football, either.”

“I s’pose not. What chores do you have to do today?” Connor asked quietly, he hated when Murphy was punished, their Ma always seemed to be a bit harsher with Murphy for some reason and Connor wished he could help him in some way.

“I have to mow the entire lawn, weed the garden and clean the barn.” Murphy shook his head, looking away from his brother. “I’ll be dead by the end of the day.”

Connor didn’t know what to say. It was already past 11 am & it would take Murphy all afternoon to do those chores.....their yard was huge, the garden overgrown & the barn disgusting. They both knew better than to let Connor help, even though their Ma would leave around noon & not be back until the pubs closed, she had an uncanny ability to tell when one of her twins didn’t do his own chores.

Connor flopped back down onto his back, wishing he could do something to help his twin, alleviate his suffering somehow, give him comfort.

As if Murphy could read his mind, he softly said, “I’ll be okay, Connor, don’t ya be worrying about me. You just go and have fun tonight for the both of us.”

They were supposed to go to a party tonight, a real blow out, one of those wild parties that only comes along once in a blue moon. It would have been a grand time full of drinking and carousing, two of Murphy’s favorite things. And even though Katie had invited herself along, Murphy still had been looking forward to going, he always had fun at a party with Connor.

“I could stay home with you, Murph.”

“And watch me do what? I won’t be done until almost dark, then I’ll be so fucking dirty that I’ll have to soak in the tub for an hour. Then I’ll be so exhausted that I’ll probably fall asleep in my tv dinner. Not quite the glamorous evening you deserve, Connor.”

“Still.....I could stay with you.”

Murphy sat up & twisted to look down at Connor, his freshly cut hair no longer blocking his gaze. “You’d really do that for me, wouldn’t ya?”

“I’d do anything for you, Murph. Anything at all.”

Murphy nodded, wishing that Connor really would do anything for him. He had a list in his head of all the dirty things he’d wish his twin would do, all the dirty things he’d do right back without hesitation, if only he could, if only Connor would let him.

Murphy glanced down at his brother’s lips, staring at them, marveling at how full & perfect they were, how truly kissable they seemed, especially this close. He wished he could bend down & kiss him right then and there, make Connor groan his name into his mouth, make Connor want him with just a kiss.

Connor smiled, the corners of his lips turning up gently, and Murphy pulled his eyes away, turning from his perfect Connor to look at the wall across the room, hoping that Connor hadn’t noticed his lingering desire.

“No, Connor. I don’t want ya to stay, I want ya to go & have fun.”

Connor sat up suddenly & sat dangerously close to his brother, tossing his arm over his shoulder, their thighs side by side & touching. His free hand reached to grab Murphy’s knee, squeezing it tightly as he leaned into him.

“It won’t be any fun without you, Murph. Let me stay with you, aye?”

Murphy shook his head, looking down at Connor’s hand on his knee, wishing it would move up just a little bit. He bit his lip, took a deep breath and lied to Connor. “No, I don’t want you home tonight. I kinda want to be alone. I mean, I never get a chance to have the house to myself, you know?”

Connor relented, releasing Murphy’s knee, “Okay, Murph, if you’re sure.”

 

 

It was almost three o’clock & Murphy had finished weeding the garden & was just about to start the lawn mower when Connor approached, holding a tall glass of lemonade.

“Is that for me?” Murphy asked, smiling and knowing full well it was.

“No, I thought I’d drink it right in front of my sweaty, dehydrated twin brother. Just to torture the fucker.” And then Connor took a sip.

“You do know how to torture me, Connor.”

Connor held the glass out to his brother & pulled it back with a laugh when Murphy reached for it. “Ask me nice, Murph, then maybe I’ll give it to you. But you gotta be sweet to me, you know I like it when you’re sweet.”

“Quit teasing, Connor. Give me the fucking drink.”

“That’s not my sweet Murphy I hear talking. My sweet Murphy doesn’t curse like that.”

Murphy cocked his head, he really wasn’t in the mood for Connor’s teasing right now, he had too much to do & he was too hot for games. “Come on, Connor, I don’t feel like playing around. Are you gonna give me the drink or not?”

“I told you......you have to ask me nice & sweet, Murph.”

“You're a jerk. Just fucking forget it, just go away, Connor.” Murphy turned back to the lawnmower, pulling on the cord to start the motor. It roared to life, drowning out Connor just as he had begun to apologize. Connor tried to yell over the roar of the engine but Murphy either couldn’t hear him or chose to ignore him, pushing the mower in the direction away from his brother, leaving Connor behind.

Connor knew better than to go after his fuming brother, when Murphy was like this, he would never listen to anything Connor had to say, not even an apology. So instead, Connor placed the glass next to the lawn supplies, hoping Murphy would drink it & not be so stubborn.

When Murphy turned the lawnmower around after completing the first long pass through the yard, he noticed the glass that Connor left for him. Well, he’d show him, he wouldn’t drink it, not for anything. He caught sight of his brother walking down the street, apparently heading out to the party earlier than usual, apparently not wanting to be home any longer. That was fine with Murphy, he’d be perfectly fine all alone tonight, he didn’t need Connor to be home bothering him and torturing him.

It took a couple hours, but finally Murphy finished mowing the lawn. He was drenched in sweat, his hair matted & dripping, his body exhausted. He sighed.....shit, he still had to clean the barn. He put the lawn mower away & went to gather the lawn supplies, pausing when he saw the still full glass of lemonade sitting in the grass.

Fuck you, Connor, he thought, vowing to drink horse piss before he’d drink that glass of lemonade. He left the full glass in the grass, just where Connor had placed it, hoping his brother would see it when he came home that night, plastered after a night of drinking, and he hoped Connor would feel bad. He put away the lawn supplies, pausing to drink from the garden hose before going to the barn.

It was almost seven o’clock when Murphy finally finished his assigned chores, his body aching, his mind numb with exhaustion. He was thirsty & hungry but even worse, he was pretty sure he smelled like a dying cow. He found his t-shirt that he had thrown on the grass hours earlier when he was weeding & he wiped his wet face & chest with it.

His mind drifted to Connor & he wondered if he was having fun at the party without him. He thought about the lie he told, about wanting to be alone tonight & have the house to himself. Truth be told, Murphy hated being without Connor, he missed him terribly when he wasn’t around & he was already lonely. But he had made the right decision, lying was the right thing to do if it meant that Connor wouldn’t be stuck home with him, bored and suffering with a smelly, moody twin.

Murphy headed to the house, knowing to go in through the front door when he was this dirty, that was closest to the stairs that led to his room & he’d track less dirt in the house. He entered the silent home, sighing with loneliness, wishing Connor was there to greet him instead of this hollow feeling in his gut.

He climbed the stairs & tossed his shirt on the floor before kicking off his sneakers. As he walked to the bathroom, he left a trail of clothes in his wake, socks, jeans & boxers, all dirty & wet with sweat. He shut the bathroom door, completely out of habit alone, and filled the tub with cool water.

He took a long drink of water from the sink, glancing at his reflection in the mirror, noting how tired he looked. He sighed in relief as he sunk into the water, the cool water refreshing him, and he closed his eyes & just let his body soak in the water.

After about 10 minutes, he started to feel chilled & he quickly scrubbed his body & hair, the water now a murky brown color from the dirt & sweat. He pulled the plug on the drain & watched the dirty water drain away. He still didn’t feel clean, so he replaced the plug & turned on the warm water, refilling the tub. He again closed his eyes & he thought about playing with himself, he could certainly use the release, but he was still too mad at Connor to jerk off to thoughts of him. Besides, he didn’t think he had the energy to reach any sort of satisfying climax anyway. He shook his head, Ma was right, he was too exhausted for even that.

His growling stomach is what prompted him to leave his warm bath, his muscles aching as soon as they left the water, but at least he was clean. He toweled himself off, drying his hair with the towel before opening the door to his room.

Murphy’s mouth hung open in shock at what he saw.


	9. I Saw You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter has graphic sexual content. And of course, graphic language. These are the MacManus twins, after all.

No……please God, no.

Murphy stood in place, just inside his bedroom, their bedroom. He was seeing things, that was it, he was exhausted & dehydrated and now he was hallucinating. It made sense, really.....who else would he hallucinate about? Of course he’d hallucinate about Connor. Of course.

Murphy closed his eyes as tight as he could, trying to make the hallucination stop, just please fucking go away. Connor wasn’t here, he was still at the party drinking & having fun, Murphy was alone in the house, Connor wasn’t here.....he wasn’t fucking here.

Murphy stood motionless, waiting for the sounds to stop so he could open his eyes. Did hallucinations come with sounds? They must, because this one had sounds.

Moans.....slurps.....grunts.....creaking of the bed.....

He couldn’t take it anymore, he had to look, he had to know if it was real or not. He opened his eyes & slowly looked across the room, past his own empty bed with the pile of sheets still on it, past the 2 empty beer bottles on the nightstand, past the lacy black bra on the floor.

His eyes stopped & returned to the discarded garment, staring at the bra. Katie’s bra.....lying next to Connor’s bed. Katie’s bra that Connor had unhooked & tossed to the floor. Katie’s bra that was now bringing tears to Murphy's eyes.

Connor wouldn’t.....Connor couldn’t.....

Murphy tore his eyes from the bra on the floor, his eyes moving to where the sounds were coming from, focusing on Connor’s bed. His knuckles were white as he held the towel that was wrapped around his waist and he felt his chest tighten at the sight before him, the sight that was no fucking hallucination.

Connor was on top of Katie, between her spread legs, his hips pumping furiously. He hadn’t even taken his clothes off, he was still wearing the same shirt he had left the house in and his boxers & jeans were pushed down, bunching at his knees, exposing his firm ass that was clenching with every pelvic thrust.

Katie was moaning beneath him, naked from the waist up, her huge tits bouncing wildly as Connor rode her. Her skirt was gathered at her waist & Connor hadn’t bothered to remove her panties, he merely pushed the crotch to the side to gain access.

Murphy wanted to scream, but he had no voice. He wanted to run, but his legs wouldn’t move. He wanted to fucking die.

He didn’t want to be hurt, he didn’t want his heart to break, but he couldn’t stop it. The tears ran from his eyes in long streaks down his cheeks as he watched the love of his life fuck someone else. His Connor was fucking that whore. Right in front of him. In the room they shared, it was theirs, Katie had no right to be in here.

“Fuck me harder, Connor,” Katie moaned, and the creaking of the bed grew faster & louder as Connor quickly obeyed. “Oh, fuck yes!”

And that’s when she saw him, her eyes locking with Murphy’s. To his surprise, she didn’t look away, she didn’t cover herself and she didn’t make Connor stop. She held his gaze & opened her legs wider, her hands moving to tightly clutch Connor’s ass to pull him in deeper, her red nails digging into his flesh.

Connor was making loud, animalistic sounds that Murphy had never heard before, his grunts mixed with his heavy breathing as he tried to fuck Katie as hard as he could, as deep as he could, as rough as he could.

During it all, Katie held Murphy’s eyes, her vision unwavering, a snide smile on her face as she moaned his twin’s name, telling Connor how good he was, how big he was, how incredible he made her feel.

And she watched Murphy cry.

It felt like he had been watching them forever, watching Connor love someone else. He didn’t know how to make the pain stop. He wanted to leave but couldn’t look away long enough to move.

Then Connor stopped, he froze mid pump, his dick halfway inside of Katie’s pussy, his eyes looking at her face. The bed stopped its loud squeaking, Katie’s tits stopped their forceful bouncing, and Connor followed Katie’s line of vision, looking over his shoulder toward the open bathroom door to where Murphy was watching. And crying.

Connor locked onto Murphy’s watery blue eyes.....blue eyes like the ocean, Connor had said just recently.....and then Connor glared at his brother, causing Murphy to hold his breath in shock.

“What the fuck are ya doin’, Murph? Are you fucking watching us?!” Connor yelled, his voice angrier than Murphy had ever heard previously.

Murphy shook his head no, although that’s exactly what he had been doing and everyone in the room knew it.

Connor pulled his dick out of Katie & he reached down to the floor, grabbing the shoe that Murphy had kicked off just before his bath, and Connor threw it across the room, connecting with Murphy’s stomach. Murphy hadn’t even reacted, he just stood there & let the shoe hit his body.

“What the fuck's wrong with you? Get the fuck out of here, Murph!” Connor bellowed.

Murphy’s legs finally worked, he finally was able to move. Murphy clutched tightly to his towel & ran from the room, heading for the stairs, his other shoe narrowly missing his head as Connor heaved it at his retreating form.

He flew down the stairs in a panic, far too fast for being barefoot, and he tripped over his feet, tumbling down the last six stairs, hitting his elbow on the railing before slamming his knees onto the landing. He muttered a quiet curse as he limped over to the couch, sitting & catching his breath. He took the ends of his towel & pressed it to his bloody knees, trying not to bleed on the furniture. That’s all he’d fucking need, Ma flipping out because he bled on the furniture.

Then he waited.....and he listened.

At first, there was no sound at all from upstairs, it was completely quiet and Murphy breathed a sigh of relief, maybe the torture was over. He sat back, his hands keeping pressure on his knees, and he closed his eyes, trying to calm himself.

Then it started again. The rhythmic creaking of the bed, slow at first, then the thumping of the headboard on the wall as the rhythm increased. Murphy’s tears had stopped but now they began anew as he sat & listened to the sounds of Connor fucking that girl.

Murphy wanted to leave but where could he go with only a towel to cover himself? All his clothes were upstairs, in the room, with them. And Connor would kill him if he went back up there.....it wouldn’t matter if he was naked, he couldn’t go up there with them still fucking. And that’s what they were doing.....still fucking.

He couldn’t not hear it, it was too loud. And he couldn’t stop himself from listening, either, wishing Connor was pounding into him, filling him with his sticky cum. He should be the one telling Connor how good he was, not Katie. It should be him moaning underneath Connor.....him.

There were a few more squeaks of the bed and then it stopped. Murphy waited, hoping they weren’t just switching positions, hoping that it really was over. He heard the creak of the floor as he recognized his brother’s footsteps, Connor had gone into the bathroom, alone. Murphy closed his eyes, hoping Connor hadn’t cum inside of the fucking witch. 

The door of their room opened & they quietly walked down the stairs. Murphy quickly wiped his face with his hands, sniffing as quietly as he could, his eyes on the floor, he didn’t want to see what Connor looked like post fuck. He’d only want to see that look if it was him who caused it.

The front door opened & before leaving, Katie called out to the dark haired boy bleeding on the couch. “I’m done with Connor for tonight. He’s all yours, Murphy.” 

Murphy pretended she didn’t exist.....she was dead to him.....a complete non-entity. He refused to respond in any way.

She paused, talking to Connor in a voice loud enough for Murphy to hear. “Tell your brother not to spy on us next time, Connor. He needs to grow up & not be such a baby.”

“Don’t you worry, I’ll be having a talk with him,” Connor quietly said, his eyes falling on his sullen twin.

“You better. It’s bad enough that he stares at us when we’re kissing. I don’t want him spying on us when we’re fucking, too.”

Connor led Katie out the door, walking her outside to say goodbye. As soon as the door shut, Murphy was on his feet, running up the stairs two at a time. He burst through the door of his bedroom, trying to ignore the scent of sex that hung in the air, his eyes purposefully avoiding the rumpled sheets on Connor’s bed. He went to his dresser & pulled out clean boxers & jeans, pulling them on as fast as he could. He was zipping his pants when Connor came in, his eyes blazing with anger.

“How long were you standing there watching us, Murph? Come on, I wanna know how long you watched.”

Connor was standing in the doorway, blocking the exit, so Murphy turned in the other direction, heading to their bathroom.

“Don’t you fucking walk away from me, you little fuck.”

“I have to go to the bathroom, Connor,” Murphy lied, pushing the door closed behind him. But Connor stopped the door with his foot before it latched and he pushed his way inside.

“You’re a shitty liar, Murph.”

Murphy glared at Connor’s feet, he couldn’t look him in the eyes, so he glared in his general direction, settling his gaze on his feet. “I’m not fucking lying. I have to take a shit.”

“You always look at my feet whenever you lie, Murph. And right now, you’re staring at my feet.”

“Whatever, Connor.” That was the best he could come up with. Connor was right, he was lying.

“Yeah, whatever, Murph. Now answer my fucking question before I beat that shit right out of you. How long were you watching?”

Murphy knew Connor wouldn’t let him get away with not answering, he had the look on his face that meant business. “Dunno. I wasn’t timing you, all right?”

“No, it’s not all right. What the fuck were you thinking? You get off on watching or something?”

Murphy finally looked Connor in the eyes and Connor took a step back at the pain he saw in his twin. He didn’t understand why Murphy was looking at him like he just killed a puppy with his bare hands.

“Look, Murph. It’s just a little weird, s’all. I didn’t expect you to be watching while I did.....that. I didn’t expect you to walk in on us, you know?”

Murphy narrowed his eyes, looking intently at Connor, remembering how he looked when he was fucking Katie. His heart skipped a beat at the image that crossed his mind. “Where the fuck did you think I was? You knew I was grounded, Connor, you knew I was home. It was dark so you knew I wouldn’t be outside working anymore. You knew I was in the bathroom, you knew.”

“I just wasn’t thinking about where you were.”

Murphy shifted on his feet, his lips in a thin line as he held back his tears. “Didja want me to see you, Connor? Is that what you planned? For me to walk in on you when you’re fucking that.....that.....that girl?”

Connor took a step toward his twin, he hated when Murphy had that hurt look on his face. He reached for his arm but Murphy pulled back, away from Connor’s touch. For the first time ever.

“Don’t touch me. I’m really fucking mad at you, Connor.” He couldn’t handle having Connor’s hand on him, not after it had touched Katie.

Connor’s mouth hung open, “What? You’re mad at me? I’m the one who should be mad, not you.”

“You just don’t get it, Connor. You were having sex.....in our room. You didn’t even warn me, you let me walk in and see you fucking that girl. Do you have any idea how that felt? Seeing you do that? And then.....” Murphy paused, wiping at his eye with the back of his hand, he could feel tears starting and he didn’t want to cry again. He took a deep breath, his voice soft & filled with pain. “And then I had to listen downstairs until you were done. I could hear you fucking her, Connor, I could hear. And the whole time you knew I was home. You knew I saw & you knew I heard. Just like you wanted.”

Connor was stunned by his brother’s words. He hated how he made Murphy feel, he hated that he had been so selfish, he hated that he made his brother cry.

“That’s not what I wanted, not at all. I just wasn’t thinking about you, Murph.”

“I know. You never think about me anymore, do ya?”

“I just meant I wasn’t thinking about where you were, I was only thinking about what I wanted to do with Katie. You can understand that, can’t you? Murph.....look.....I know you have some pretty strong feelings, okay? I know.”

Murphy felt a cold chill go through him, if Connor knew how he felt and he didn’t feel the same way, maybe letting Murphy walk in on them having sex was Connor’s way of making a point. Maybe Connor didn’t want to tell Murphy no, he wanted to show him instead.

Murphy couldn’t speak, he kept his eyes on Connor’s, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“I know you have a crush, Murph. It’s pretty obvious.”


	10. Denial

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Connor.” Deny, deny, deny.

Connor paused, trying to think of the kindest way to confront his brother, he’d already hurt him enough for one day, too many tears had already been shed because of him. He spoke gently, all traces of anger gone. “I’m not stupid, Murph. And I’m not blind, either. I see the way you stare. You’re always watching, not just tonight, but all the time.”

Murphy was at a loss for words, he thought he’d been covert, he thought no one would notice how he watched Connor, not even Connor. What had he done wrong, how had he slipped up so badly, what clues had he left? His mind desperately tried to think of something to say, some way to explain why his eyes were always on his twin, always following every move he made, always staring.

“I swear, Connor.....I have no idea what you’re talking about. Honest.” Murphy tried to keep the panic from his voice, he tried to sound sincere, believable. He wanted to run from the room, hide under his bed like he used to do when he was nine & felt overwhelmed or scared. If he wasn’t too big to fit, he’d probably be under his bed right now.

“Really, Murph? No idea?”

Murphy shook his head no, feeling guilty. Not only was he in love with his brother, now he was lying to him, too. His whole life felt like a lie, everything he did, everything he said, everything he felt.....a big fucking lie, told over and over to the one person who mattered most.

“It’s okay.....I’m not mad at you,” Connor said in an exceedingly soft voice. “I really do understand.”

Murphy shifted on his feet, his eyes drawn to the mirror on the wall, seeing Connor’s reflection. Connor’s eyes were on him, waiting for a response or reaction, not realizing that Murphy could see him in the mirror. It was surreal to watch Connor like this, to see the expression on his face as he looked at Murphy, the concern in his eyes. Murphy suddenly realized he was staring, just like Connor said, and he hadn’t even realized it. Reluctantly, he pulled his eyes from Connor’s reflection, looking down to the floor.

“Please talk to me, Murph. I’m your brother, you can tell me anything.”

With a shrug of his shoulders, Murphy mumbled, “There’s nothing to tell.”

“Don’t lie to me, we both know there’s plenty to tell.” Connor paused to allow his twin time to respond but when Murphy remained silent, Connor continued. “Why don’t you start by telling me how long you’ve had these feelings?”

Murphy debated whether he should again deny knowing what Connor was talking about. But what was the point? It was obvious that Connor knew he had feelings, he knew Murphy stared at him constantly. A million denials wouldn’t change anything.

“Awhile,” Murphy confessed, his voice almost too soft to be heard. He looked up at his twin, he needed to see if Connor made a face of disgust, and he was relieved when his expression hadn’t changed.

Murphy had realized his feelings for Connor were more than just brotherly about the time puberty hit. He remembered looking at Connor’s body & feeling a stirring between his legs, he’d get hard if Connor looked at him a certain way, he even came in his pants once just because Connor was whispering in his ear. The very first time Murphy wanked, he’d done it to a picture of Connor. And every time since, every dirty thought, every hard-on, every drop of cum that came from his body was because of Connor.

“I’m sorry. I know it’s wrong.....but I just.....I can’t help the way I feel,” Murphy added to his confession, his words in a rush. “I don’t want to have these feelings, I don’t. But I can’t turn it off, Connor.....I tried, I swear I tried. I just.....I just can’t help it.”

When Murphy finished, he took a deep breath & waited for Connor’s reaction. Murphy had paled considerably and he was shifting from foot to foot, wondering what Connor was thinking. Murphy hoped & prayed that he’d still have a brother after what he’d said.

Connor nodded, his eyes not leaving his twin. “It’s okay. It’ll be fine, I promise. I’m glad you finally told me, Murph. I knew there was something going on, I could tell by how you were acting. It really does explain a lot.”

“Please don’t hate me.”

Connor laughed out loud, rolling his eyes & shaking his head. “Quit being so dramatic, I’d never hate you, you know that. It’s not the end of the world, you just have a silly little crush, s’all.”

That’s where Connor was wrong. There was nothing silly about it, not to Murphy. To him, it was the most serious thing in the world, it held the most meaning in his life, it was his reason for existing. And it wasn’t little either, it was huge, holding all the love that Murphy had in his heart. He was in love with Connor, it wasn’t a crush, it was love.

“What are you thinking, Connor? About me?”

Connor’s face grew serious, more serious than Murphy had seen in a long time as he contemplated the question. “I’m thinking this crush is really getting to you, Murph. You’re not acting like yourself, you seem sad. I think these feelings you have are scaring you & you’re really confused right now. But Murph.....you have to move on, you have to. Katie just doesn’t feel the same way about you.”

KATIE?

Murphy was stunned, Connor could have knocked him over with a feather. How could Connor possibly think his crush was KATIE? She was the devil & Murphy was in love with an angel. What the fuck had he said that made Connor go insane?

As Murphy contemplated the loss of his brother’s sanity, Connor tried to be comforting. “I know it’s hard for you to see me with her, seeing as how you feel. But you have to accept that it’s never going to happen. She’s not the one for you, Murph. I know it hurts but you’ll find someone, I promise. It just won’t be Katie.”

As Connor’s words slowly sank in, Murphy made a decision then & there. Connor was with Katie, he’d never want to be with Murphy. He loved Murphy, but he wasn’t "in love" with him. Murphy had to find a way to not only accept that, but to have it be enough. Murphy had to move on, he had to stop pretending, and he had to find someone who’d love him back.

He made a silent vow, he’d let Connor think his crush was on Katie. He’d never tell him it was Connor who he loved, Connor who he adored, Connor who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, not as a brother but as a lover. If Connor knew, it would change everything, Connor would be hurt knowing he caused Murphy so much pain. And Murphy couldn’t let that happen. He’d protect Connor from himself.

So Murphy placated his brother, nodding that he understood when Connor told him he had to forget his feelings, telling him he’d try. He smiled when Connor told him he loved him & apologized for what Murphy saw. And he clung to his brother’s body when he hugged him, wishing it was for a different reason.

Murphy pushed his face into Connor’s neck, breathing in his scent & closing his eyes.....pretending one final time.


	11. Suffering

The next couple days were the worst in Murphy’s young life.

He went to church with Connor, praying by his side, their shoulders touching as he asked God for help. He ate his meals with Connor, their fingers touching slightly as they passed things across the table, Murphy pushing his food around his plate but barely eating. He walked to school with Connor and back home alone, Connor usually spending the afternoon with Katie while Murphy had chores to do, his punishment for staining his sheets not yet finished.

Murphy actually welcomed the chores now, he could focus on what he was doing instead of on what his twin was doing, he had a distraction from Connor, however brief it was. He worked as hard as he could, sweat pouring off his body as he tried to exhaust himself, vowing to work until he could no longer see straight. Maybe if he was completely exhausted, he’d be able to sleep for more than an hour a night, at least that’s what he hoped.

But sleep rarely came and when it did come, it rarely stayed for long. Night after night Murphy would lie in his bed, haunted by his thoughts, trying to stop any fantasies before they started. But night after night, his eyes would stare across the room, trying to see Connor in the moonlight.....Connor always looked so perfect & beautiful in the moonlight. Even though Murphy tried not to, he had to look, he couldn’t help himself. Murphy would only look away when he’d feel the thickness growing between his legs, his dick stiffening & straining against his boxers as it rose to attention. He hadn’t touched himself in days and his erections were killing him, his dick practically begging for release. But if he wanked, he’d think of Connor.....and he was trying not to think of Connor. 

He wondered if anyone ever died from blue balls.....

So while Murphy suffered with his throbbing cock, refusing to touch it no matter how much it begged, he’d listen to Connor breathe softly in his sleep from his nearby bed. And Murphy would lie to himself over & over. He was no longer in love with Connor, he really wasn’t, he was ready to move on. He wasn’t in love.....he wasn’t.

The very worst part of the night wasn’t the lack of sleep. It wasn’t the quiet in the house. It wasn’t even the painful hard-on that Murphy constantly had between his legs. It was the overwhelming feeling of loneliness that covered Murphy like his soft green blanket, enveloping him completely, making him ache for his twin.

He knew if he asked, Connor would let him crawl in bed with him, he never refused, not ever. He’d be safe & warm with Connor, he wouldn’t be lonely.....Connor would hold him tight in his arms, probably all night long. But as much as Murphy wanted to be close to Connor, as much as he needed his touch, as much as he ached to be held, Murphy wouldn’t let himself ask.....he had a vow to stick to.

So instead of asking his brother for comfort, instead of giving in & allowing himself to be held in Connor’s arms once again, Murphy stayed put, lonely in his bed. He closed his eyes, pressing his face into his pillow to muffle his crying.....he didn’t want to wake Connor. He drifted off to sleep with tears still leaking from his eyes.

Connor woke to the sound of his brother’s soft moan of his name, bolting upright in his bed. He looked to his right, trying to see Murphy in the next bed, trying to see if he was okay, but it was too dark to see much of anything. Connor paused, thinking maybe it had just been his imagination, or maybe a dream, but his instincts told him otherwise. Murphy had called out to him.....Murphy needed him, something was wrong.

“Murph? You awake?” Connor whispered, paused for a moment, and waited for a response.

“Murphy?”

What he heard next made him jump from his bed & quickly move to his brother’s side. Murphy sounded like a small child, his voice raspy as he whined in his sleep, the word he said indistinguishable but Connor knew his twin had said his name again. The sound of his twin whining his name in his sleep sent a wave of near panic through to Connor’s soul.

Connor looked down at his twin, now able to see Murphy’s face in the soft moonlight filtering in through the window. Murphy’s face was scrunched up, his features strained, his brow furrowed in his fitful sleep. Were those tears? Connor sat gently on the bed, his thumb carefully wiping the tears from his brother’s face. Connor shook his head, Murphy looked exhausted, he had dark circles under his eyes & Connor desperately wanted to ease his twin’s pain in some way but he didn’t know how.

He had expected Murphy to ask to sleep in his bed, Murph always asked when he was sad or upset, but this time, Murphy hadn’t said a word. His silence actually scared Connor, it wasn’t like Murphy to be so oddly quiet. And it wasn’t like Murphy to be this upset & not seek out his twin.

Murphy shifted in his sleep, instinctively moving closer to Connor, and Connor began to pet Murphy’s hair, running his fingers through the silk, trying to comfort his distraught brother. Connor knew Murphy loved to have his hair stroked, almost as much as Connor liked touching it, and he watched as Murphy’s face slowly began to relax under his caring touch.

“Hush, Murph.....it’s okay. Connor’s here with ya.”

Connor stared at his brother, his gaze running over his face, studying his features. Murphy had such a baby face, he looked so young when he slept, he looked.....innocent. But Murphy also looked exhausted, he needed a good nights sleep, desperately. Murphy wasn’t asking for help but Connor knew he needed it. And Connor knew what to do to make sure Murphy got what he needed.

Connor climbed into Murphy’s bed, wrapping his twin in his arms & pulling him close. He felt Murphy instantly relax & snuggle closer to his body, his legs intertwining with Connor’s. Connor lifted his head & looked at the boy in his arms, seeing Murphy’s face finally completely calm & at peace. Mission accomplished.

“Good, Murph.....you sleep now. I’ve got ya.....Connor’s here.” 

Connor kissed his brother’s forehead, holding his lips to his skin for a few moments before softly kissing him again a second time. Connor held Murphy in his arms, rocking him gently & rubbing his back as the boy slept soundly for the first time in days. Connor stayed awake, comforting his brother with his presence, until he was satisfied that Murphy wouldn’t wake until morning. Only then did he allow himself to sleep as well.

They slept the rest of the night wrapped around each other, arms & legs intertwined, bodies becoming one, each twin finding comfort in the other.

\--

Murphy woke slowly, he always woke slowly, and he was certain he was in the middle of a dream, a wonderfully intense dream full of Connor. His best dreams were always about Connor & this one was especially vivid, it felt like Connor was right there with him. Murphy didn’t want to open his eyes, he was afraid the dream would stop, so he kept his eyes closed & enjoyed the sensation as he lingered halfway between being asleep & being awake.

Every time he inhaled, he smelled Connor, it was like his scent was all over him, all over his bed. He adored the way Connor smelled, it was not only comforting and familiar, it was sexy & intoxicating. Murphy wondered if he could get high just by smelling Connor’s scent.

Murphy’s arms & legs were wrapped around his dream, his Connor, Murphy’s body conforming to the body that held him tightly. He shifted closer to the warmth next to him, not even realizing he did so, his movement was pure instinct.

Hard.....his dick was rock hard, swollen with need, pressing against a firm thigh. He shifted again, grinding his cock into that thigh, and he began to move his hips leisurely, rubbing & pressing his fat prick into the warmth he was wrapped around.

Murphy knew he shouldn’t be doing this, he had made a vow, he wasn’t supposed to be thinking of Connor at all in that way. But this dream felt so fucking amazing, so real, and his dick was so fucking hard, what would one more dream hurt? He needed to cum so bad, it’d been too long, the ache between his legs driving him on.

“Murph? What are ya doing?”

Murphy could swear he heard Connor’s voice but that was impossible. When Murphy had wet dreams of Connor, all Connor ever said was filthy things while he fucked Murphy, things that Murphy could only dream of hearing for real. So Murphy ignored the voice & grinded a little harder, his cock so fucking sensitive that it wouldn’t take much more for Murphy to cum in his pants.

He felt a hand on his bare shoulder, fingers gripping tightly, and Connor’s insistent voice cut through his sleep filled haze. “You need to stop, Murph. C’mon.....wake up.”

Murphy froze, only a heartbeat away from a body shaking orgasm, his dick practically twitching. Realization flooded his mind.....Connor’s voice, Connor’s smell, Connor’s body was right there.....this was no dream, he wasn’t still sleeping, this was fucking reality. He opened his eyes & lifted his head, looking up to see Connor’s shocked expression, his own expression matching his twin’s. Connor stared at his overheated brother with wide eyes, suddenly unsure of what to say.

“C-Conn?”

Murphy silently begged God to let this be a bad dream, like the one he used to have about being naked & hard in front of the entire school. He swallowed the lump in his throat, he knew this was no dream, he had been humping Connor.....and now Connor was staring at him.

Connor chuckled nervously, glancing down at his brother’s crotch that was still pressed firmly into his thigh. “What say we get out of bed, okay Murph?”

And then Connor shifted against his brother, inadvertently rubbing his thigh over Murphy’s still hard prick as he attempted to extricate himself from their position. He shifted a second and third time, his thigh pressing a little harder as he moved, and that was all Murphy needed.

Murphy clenched his eyes shut as hard as he could & bit his lip, trying not to let happen what he knew was happening. He felt the familiar tightening of his balls begin, he couldn’t stop it, he hadn’t wanked in days & his dick was oversensitive. He tried to hold his breath but as the tingling at the base of his dick turned into waves of hot pleasure, a moan from deep in his chest began, a moan he couldn’t stop, a moan that was loud & full of ecstasy. He tried to roll away from Connor and ended up on his back, he was trying to get away.....he didn’t want him to see.

But Connor saw. He saw Murphy’s back arch, he saw Murphy’s body shake, he saw Murphy’s face contort in pleasure.

He saw Murphy cum.

As Murphy’s body slumped on the bed, a wet stain formed across the front of his boxers, his cum soaking into the material. His chest was heaving & covered in sweat as he struggled to catch his breath, his dick softening slowly between his shaking legs.

There was silence in the room.....Murphy opened his eyes slowly.....he was terrified. Not only had he humped Connor, he had cum in front of him too.....because he had humped him. What would Connor think?

Connor was hovering over him, eyes scanning his face, a slight smirk on his lips. “You okay, Murph?”

Murphy nodded slowly, why was Connor smirking? Did he think this was funny? It wasn’t funny, not at all. He knew what just happened, he knew Murphy had just cum in his pants, he knew because he had watched. He fucking watched.

“Well that was.....interesting, Murph. Nice to know I have that effect on you,” Connor joked, trying to make light of the situation, his smirk turning into a smile. “I usually like a little sweet talk first, though. Maybe a nice dinner, some flowers are good. I need to be spoiled before I let someone dry hump my leg. Try to remember that for next time, aye?”

Murphy felt like crying, Connor was making jokes and it hurt. Murphy hadn’t meant for any of that to happen, he didn’t mean to rub one out against his brother, he didn’t know what he was doing, he thought it was a dream. He’d slept in the same bed with Connor a million times & he’d never humped him before, and he’d never cum in front of him either. And now Connor was making jokes about what happened, about what Murphy did, about what Connor saw.

“I-I’m sorry, Connor. I didn’t mean ta.....you know.....I-I really didn’t mean to do that,” Murphy quickly mumbled as he sat up, looking away from his brother’s amused expression, moving off the bed & heading to the bathroom to clean himself.

“What the fuck, Murph? You’re not even gonna hold me after all that? Just hump & dump me, is that it?” Connor’s voice followed Murphy into the bathroom, his brother’s badgering stopping only when the door slammed shut.

Twenty minutes later, Murphy entered the kitchen, he was clean but his face & neck were still crimson red and he couldn’t look at his twin. Connor was almost done with his cereal & he smiled at his brother, watching him gather his own bowl & spoon before sitting down.

“No kiss for me, Murph?” Connor giggled as Murphy tried to ignore him. “I feel so used.”

Murphy poured cereal into his bowl, followed by milk, and he began to eat his breakfast. He knew Connor was probably just as embarrassed as he was, maybe even more so seeing as it was his leg Murphy had been wrapped around. But still, the teasing hurt & he wished Connor would stop.

Connor noticed the look on his brother’s face. He hadn’t meant to hurt him, he was only trying to lighten the mood a little, trying to make jokes so that they didn’t have to talk about what Murphy did.....to Connor.....because of Connor.

“Look, Murph. I’m just kidding, all right? I don’t mean anything by it. It just shocked me to wake up & have you on me like that. You were really going at it.” Connor chuckled, he was nervous talking to Murphy about this. “S’not a big deal though, okay? You obviously didn’t know what you were doing.....sometimes your dick has a mind of its own, right?”

Murphy had stopped eating his cereal, he was pushing the corn flakes around his bowl instead of eating. “Why were you in my bed?”

“Because you weren’t in mine.”

A few days prior, Connor’s response would have sent Murphy into fits of happiness. But he refused to pretend anymore, no matter how much it hurt, he wouldn’t make believe that Connor said those things because he wanted him. His heart just couldn’t take it.

“You shouldn’t have watched me. You should have left, Connor. Or at least looked away.”

Connor slid to the chair next to Murphy, reaching out & covering his hand with his own. “I know. And I’m sorry that you’re embarrassed. But I just couldn’t look away. I’ve never seen you like that, you were so, so.....so wild. And out of control, like you couldn’t stop yourself for anything. I just couldn’t look away.”

“You should have tried.”

Connor nodded, Murphy was right, he didn’t even try to look away. He just sat there & watched Murphy cum in his pants, he had been fascinated by what his brother was doing.....he had watched it all with rapt attention.

Murphy pulled his hand away, Connor realizing that he should have said something else by now.

“Let’s just forget it happened, okay? Please, Murph? I won’t tease you anymore & I’ll never mention it again. Can we just pretend it never happened?”

Murphy made a snorting sound. If there was one thing he was good at, it was pretending. He had mastered the fine art of pretending a long time ago.

Murphy finally looked at his brother once again, a blush creeping over his face, and Connor relaxed. Murphy was looking at him again, that was a good sign.

“Aye.....I can pretend, Connor.” At least he could try.


	12. Avoidance

“Where’s your brother?”

Murphy’s body stiffened, he recognized the voice coming from behind him, and he hated the person that voice was attached to. Her.....the fucking hag. Couldn’t he just get through one fucking day without having to see that bitch?

Murphy was sitting at his usual table in the school lunchroom, only it was unusual in the sense that Connor wasn’t with him. Katie walked around the table & sat across from Murphy, in Connor’s seat. Murphy grit his teeth, he didn’t like anyone sitting in Connor’s seat, it was for Connor only, no one else. He tried to ignore her, focusing on the corn that was escaping his fork instead of her irritating presence.

“Are you deaf, Murphy?”

“Nope.”

She sighed, her irritation growing. “Did you hear me, then?”

“Yup.”

As he speared a piece of corn, he saw her shift in her seat, her glare obvious. He smiled, pleased with how he irritated her, he loved getting on her nerves.

“So where’s Connor?”

Murphy shrugged, “Dunno. S’not my turn to watch him.”

She laughed loudly, almost maniacally, and he looked up, confused at her response. “That’s actually pretty funny, Murphy.”

“Yeah? How so?”

She leaned forward, like she was telling him a secret, her eyebrow raised. “Because you always watch him. It’s what you do best. It’s like you’re obsessed with him or something.”

Murphy looked down at his lunch, grinding his teeth as he tried to stay calm, tried not give anything away. She smirked at his response, realizing she hit a nerve.

“Why do you stare all the time?”

Murphy took a deep breath & looked back at her. Shit.....he fucking hated her, he hated everything about her, especially that smug look on her face right now. “Don’t you have somewhere else to be? Why’re you even sitting here?”

“I enjoy your stellar conversation,” she responded, that same smug look not changing one bit.

“Fuck off. Is that stellar enough for you?”

She laughed again, finding Connor’s twin somewhat amusing. “Just tell Connor I’m looking for him. Oh.....and be a good little boy and make yourself scarce Saturday night. I don’t want you spying on us again.”

Murphy couldn’t stand the way she talked to him, especially when Connor wasn’t around. “I wasn’t spying.....you were the one in my room. Besides, s’not like it was all that fucking interesting.”

“Yeah, that’s why you watched us until your brother threw a shoe at you, right?” Katie loudly responded, drawing the attention of the next table, Murphy ducking his head as they looked at him. “Give it up, Murphy. I saw you staring, you couldn’t take your eyes off us.”

Murphy tossed his fork onto his plate, his appetite completely gone as the memory of Connor screwing Katie tore his heart out once again. He had tried so hard to forget what he saw, what he felt, he was trying to move on. But with Katie throwing it in his face, it was impossible.

All he could think about was them fucking, all he could picture was them fucking, all he could hear was them fucking. Connor’s hands on her, Connor’s lips on her.....Connor’s dick IN her.

He needed it to stop, the pain needed to end. It was almost too much for Murphy to stand, it took all his attention.....his pain was a festering wound, unhealing & unending. He wanted to tell her that he loved Connor more than she ever could, she needed to keep her dirty hands off of him.....Connor was his. But he wouldn’t say that, he couldn’t. He was done pretending.

“I thought you were leaving,” he mumbled, trying to keep his face neutral but knowing he was failing.

Katie sat back & he knew she was staring at him, he could feel the glare of her beady eyes as she waited for him to swear at her, to yell at her.....to break. He could feel his mouth twitching, he was dangerously close to either screaming or crying, it could go either way. He bit his lip to stop himself from reacting, he could hold it in if he had to, he could wait her out, she’d get bored & leave.

But instead of leaving like he thought she would, she just sat there, watching him. Fine, he’d stare her down if that’s what she wanted, he’d look her in the eye & tell her to go fuck herself, too. He raised his eyes to hers & she responded with that same fake smile she always had plastered on her face.

“I don’t know how Connor puts up with you. You’re so weird.” She was baiting him, trying to get him to lash out, hoping for some kind of extreme reaction. His hand was resting on his thigh & he gripped his leg tightly to prevent any other noticeable response, he wasn’t going to play her fucked up game. “Connor tells me everything, you know. I know all about what happened this morning.”

His eyes widened with the memory of humping Connor’s leg, of cumming in his pants, of Connor watching him. No, Connor wouldn’t tell anyone, especially not her.....he wouldn’t betray Murphy like that. He wouldn’t.

“You’re so weird, Murphy.”

As she stared at him, all he could think about was running, just getting the fuck away from her. And if she wouldn’t leave, then he would. He picked up his tray & moved as quickly as he could without actually running, dumping his nearly full tray in the bin & moving past the crowd gathered at the exit.

He wandered through the halls, looking for his twin, not paying attention to which direction he was going. Relying on pure gut instinct, Murphy moved down the far hall, feeling a strange pull toward the stairs that led to the second floor. No one used these stairs much, they were too far removed from the main part of the building, and he felt an overwhelming sense that Connor was nearby as he entered the stairwell. As Murphy reached the top of the first landing, he looked up the flight & saw his twin sitting on the top step, a book open in front of him, completely engrossed.

Murphy stood in place, watching Connor read what Murphy knew was some sort of historical novel, his eyes moving rapidly across the page. Connor would lose himself in whatever he was reading, his face lighting up when he read a particularly interesting part, totally oblivious to everything around him. Murphy loved Connor’s intensity, the fire he had when he was so focused on a book, the look of pure joy on his face. Other than when Connor was sleeping, it was the one time Murphy could watch him without fear of Connor noticing.

But now wasn’t the time to watch Connor. Murphy needed to talk to him, not watch him.

“Conn?” Connor didn’t react, Murphy’s voice too quiet to pull Connor from his book. Murphy cleared his throat & took a few shaky steps closer to his brother.

“Connor?”

Connor’s head jerked up from his book, instantly locking eyes with his younger twin who was standing toward the bottom of the stairs. “Oh.....hey, Murph.”

“Hey.”

Connor shut his book, his eyes narrowed as he studied Murphy, and he instinctively knew something was bothering his brother. “You okay? You look a little funny.”

Murphy shrugged, feeling sheepish, unsure.....stupid.

He had wanted to find Connor but now that he had, now that Connor was waiting for him to say something, Murphy was losing his nerve. Connor had avoided him all day, most noticeably at lunch, and it was obvious he didn’t want Murphy around, especially after what happened that morning. Murphy really couldn’t blame him either, he was lucky Connor was still talking to him.

The more Murphy thought about it, he realized Connor had been slowly pulling away from him ever since he saw Connor fucking the bitch. And after Murphy practically molested him this morning, Connor had pretty much disappeared from Murphy’s side. Murphy had been too wrapped up in his heartache to notice Connor withdrawing, it hadn’t even dawned on him until today that that’s what he was doing. But now it was so clear.

Connor was hiding from Murphy, he didn’t want to be around him anymore, Connor was through with his perverted fucked up twin.

“Murph?” Connor’s voice was gentle, laced with concern, just like always. But Murphy knew better.

Suddenly he felt like an intrusion on Connor’s privacy, he shouldn’t have tracked him down like a stupid lovesick puppy, he should have respected Connor’s wishes. Connor didn’t have to speak those words out loud for Murphy to hear them, Murphy just had to pay attention. He should have listened to Connor, he should have heard.

“I’m sorry, Connor. I didn’t mean to interrupt your reading.”

“You’re not interrupting,” Connor responded without hesitation, meaning what he said.

“Yeah.....I am. Sorry.” Murphy turned to go, he’d leave Connor to his book, like he should have done in the first place.

“Wait, Murph.” Then Connor was suddenly next to him, his hand on his bicep, turning him to look at his face. “You came looking for me for a reason. What’s wrong?”

Murphy looked away, he couldn’t look into those eyes, not after all that happened, not after he finally realized Connor didn’t want him around anymore. Connor’s fingers were tight on his arm, not relenting, not letting him escape.

“Nothin’s wrong, I’m just grand,” Murphy mumbled, his eyes dropping to the ground. “Never been better.”

“You’re staring at my feet, Murph,” Connor pointed out & Murphy quickly looked to the side, pulling away slightly. Connor’s fingers shifted, his grip almost intensifying as Murphy attempted to move away. “What happened?”

Murphy paused for a moment, he knew if he pulled away any further without saying a word, Connor would just drag him back. But he really didn’t want to have this conversation anymore, he didn’t think he could get the words out.

“Conn.....please. Just let me leave. Okay?”

And for a moment, Murphy thought Connor would let him go. But then the fingers on his bicep slid to his shoulder and squeezed gently while at the same time, holding him in place. Connor wasn’t willing to let Murphy run away from him, not when he had sought Connor out, not when he was so obviously worked up about something. Murphy needed him, and Connor would be there.

Connor’s voice was firm, encouraging, yet it still held a softness that was only for Murphy. “No fucking way, Murph, I’m not letting you run away. Now tell me.”

Connor waited for his brother to gather his courage, watching his eyes as they darted everywhere but at his face, watching his mouth twitch with nervousness. Connor was patient, allowing Murphy the time he needed to gather himself.

“Are you mad at me, Connor?” Finally, he spit it out, not quite the way he wanted to, but at least he said something. Then his eyes looked into Connor’s, waiting for a response, bracing himself for whatever Connor would say.

“’Course not. Why would you think I was mad at you?”

Murphy shrugged & looked down. Connor didn’t want him around, and if he wasn’t mad at him, then it had to be something even worse that kept him away.

Connor shook him by his shoulder, “Hey.....I’m not mad at you. I promise.”

“Then.....then why are you avoiding me?” He had to ask, he had to know why. He bit his lip, waiting for the words that would shred him to pieces, waiting for the words that would make him not want to live anymore, waiting for Connor to tell him to fuck off.

Connor released his shoulder & took a long, deep breath as he turned away. Murphy didn’t know what to do, should he leave? Should he say something? Should he tell Connor he was sorry again?

Connor turned back to look at his brother, his eyes soft & remorseful. “I didn’t think you’d notice.”

Murphy scoffed, his voice shaking as it echoed in the stairwell. “How could I not notice? If it’s because of what happened this morning, Connor.....I-I’m so fucking sorry, I really am.”

“It’s not because of what happened this morning. I told you, it’s fine, s’not a big deal.”

Now Murphy was really confused. “Then.....then why?” Connor didn’t respond, he actually looked uncomfortable, which was something Murphy rarely saw. “Connor?”

Connor leaned against the wall, propping himself against it, not wanting to hurt his brother any more. “I was trying to protect you, Murph. I know you hurt, I can see it in your eyes. I just thought it would be easier for you if you didn’t have to see me, knowing I was with Katie. I thought maybe it would help you for me to stay away.”

Murphy shook his head, he should have known, Connor was just trying to protect him.....he should have known. As much as it hurt to see Connor with Katie, knowing   
he’d never have Connor the way he wanted, it was far worse to be without him. “Staying away doesn’t help me, Connor. It only hurts me. A lot.”

“Aye, I can see that now. It was really hard on me too, Murph. I don’t like not being around you. I really missed you.”

Murphy smiled, “I missed you too. But please, Connor, don’t avoid me again, okay? I can’t take it if you do that.”

Connor nodded & moved away from the wall, standing tall once again. “Okay, Murph, okay.”

The boys stared at each other for a few moments, silent communication passing between them as they both silently apologized to the other, both instantly forgiving. Connor saw something else in Murphy’s eyes, something that was still bothering him. Murphy knew Connor saw it as well & even though Murphy knew for a fact Connor would never betray him, he still wanted to know what he had told Katie.

“I saw Katie.”

“Yeah?”

Murphy nodded slowly. “She said you tell her everything. She said you told her what happened this morning.”

Connor sat on the step, running his hand through his hair. “And what do you think I told her, Murph?”

Murphy’s eyes never strayed from his brother, redness quickly covering his face. “I know you didn’t tell her about.....about what.....about what I did, Connor. I know you wouldn’t do that.”

“I’d never do that to you, Murph. Never.”

“I know, Conn. Honest, I really do.” And he did, he didn’t doubt Connor for one minute.

Connor’s face broke into a smile as he motioned toward Murphy, “Your ears are turning red. I swear, sometimes you do that on purpose just because it’s so fucking cute.”

Murphy blushed even more & he decided he didn’t need to know what Connor told Katie, it didn’t matter because Connor would never do anything to hurt him, Connor loved him, and he knew this deep in his heart.


	13. Meeting Jonathan Part 1

The high pitched tinkling of the bell signaled Murphy’s entrance into the small grocery store. He tossed his backpack into the shopping cart & reached into his jeans pocket, retrieving the list his mother had given him this morning.

His eyes scanned the list.....could it be any fucking longer? He hated grocery shopping, especially when he had to go alone, and because this was part of his punishment, Connor wasn’t with him. His twin was probably home by now, probably already relaxing with his feet up, the fucker.

Murphy pushed the cart forward, he’d get everything as fast as he could, he’d get out the store & back home in record time. Even Connor would be surprised by how fast he’d be home. He smiled, thinking of how Connor would look when he walked in the door, the surprised but pleased look he’d have on his face when he’d see Murphy home so early.

“Well, hello there young Mr. MacManus,” the elderly man behind the counter yelled out with a large smile & a wave. “You doing the shopping for your Ma today?”

Murphy waved back with a smile & a nod, not wanting to slow down, not wanting to delay in any way. Connor was waiting at home for him, he had to hurry.

He moved down the first few aisles with no problem, tossing the items his Ma wanted haphazardly into the cart. He avoided all conversation with those he passed, keeping his focus, moving quickly. He checked the list, realizing he forgot carrots & he quickly turned around, heading to the produce section.

There was only one other person at the vegetable stand & when Murphy’s eyes fell on him, he stopped dead in his tracks. What was Connor doing here? He smiled & his heart warmed, Connor must have come looking for him.

Connor’s back was to Murphy, his head bowed as he examined a tomato. Connor didn’t even like tomatoes, what the fuck was he doing? He must be trying to hide from Murphy, that’s it, maybe to surprise him. Murphy watched him for a few moments, careful not to let his eyes wander, keeping his eyes on the back of his head just in case someone would see him looking.

Murphy wasn’t supposed to pretend anymore, he was trying to move on, but he couldn’t help himself, sometimes he just had to look. It didn’t really hurt anyone if he just looked, it’s not like he was fooling himself into thinking Connor would look back, so what harm did it do?

Connor picked up another tomato, turning it around in his hand, and Murphy couldn’t stand it anymore. He left his cart & quietly snuck up behind his brother, he’d be the one to do the surprising this time, not Connor.

Murphy wrapped his arms around Connor’s upper body, practically jumping on his back as he yelled, “I got you now, Connor!”

“Hey! What are you doing?”

Murphy lost his grip on his brother as he was pushed backwards, almost losing his balance. He looked back at a face he didn’t recognize. “Who the fuck are you?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

Holy shit, this guy wasn’t Connor. Murphy’s eyes widened as he looked closely at this.....this stranger. He was Connor’s height & build, maybe just a little heavier, his chest not as broad as Connor’s. He had nice arms, though, good biceps. His hair was the exact same color as Conn’s, styled just slightly different, not as messy as Connor kept it. His face was fuller & his eyes were a darker color, looking with amusement at the confounded boy in front of him who was standing with his mouth open.

This guy looked so much like Connor that Murphy couldn’t help but stare, he didn’t mean to, but he couldn’t look away.

Murphy could kick himself, he had just grabbed a complete stranger and now he was standing there staring at him like an idiot. Murphy should have known this guy wasn’t Connor, even from the back, he should have known. But he had Connor on his mind constantly, everywhere he looked he saw him, even when he looked at strangers he saw him.

“Sorry, I thought you were someone else,” Murphy quietly explained, still unable to look anywhere but at those eyes that were so similar to Connor’s, yet so completely different.

“Connor, right?”

Murphy nodded slowly, “Yeah. You look a lot like him. I really am sorry.”

“Not a problem,” the guy said as he began to smile. He had a nice smile, not as nice as Connor’s, but still, a nice smile. “I kind of wish I was this Connor. He seems to have quite an effect on you.”

Murphy felt his face warm, he could feel a blush begin as he continued to compare this stranger to his brother. He liked the sound of his voice, not quite as deep as Connor’s, but it was smooth, almost.....flirty.

He pushed that thought from his mind, feeling like a delusional jackass. Here he was, pretending some stranger who looked like Connor was flirting with him. He hadn’t even completely stopped pretending about Connor, and now he was pretending about a Connor look-a-like.

But still, Murphy wanted to talk to him, trying to think of something clever to say, maybe something funny. He wanted to hear his laugh, wondering if he would sound remotely like Connor, or maybe completely different.

But Murphy’s mind was blank. They stood looking at each other for a few awkward moments, Murphy not wanting to leave but not coming up with anything to say.

“Well.....um.....sorry again. I’ll let you get back to the.....ah.....tomatoes.”

Fuck, he sounded like an idiot.

“No need to apologize, I rather liked being grabbed. At least by you.” And there was that nice smile again. “Feel free anytime.”

Okay, so maybe he wasn’t a delusional jackass after all.

He was definitely flirting with Murphy, definitely, and Murphy wanted to flirt back. But Murphy wasn’t good at flirting, he hadn’t done it enough, he was lucky he even recognized it, let alone be able to do it. He’d never flirted with a guy, he’d only flirted a few times with a girl, just to see if he could do it. But flirting with girls wasn’t any fun because he wasn’t interested in any girls. But now, here was someone flirting with him.....someone he wanted to flirt back with.....but he didn’t know how.

Murphy shifted on his feet, “I’ll get back to you on that.” He wanted it to sound coy, maybe sexy even, but to him it sounded just plain stupid. He sighed in frustration, looking away from that smile.

The sound of a soft chuckle pulled Murphy’s eyes back to the Connor look-a-like. “I hope you do.”

Now Murphy really didn’t know what to say, he was completely clueless, he didn’t want to sound ridiculous so he just grinned & nodded.

This resulted in another soft chuckle but a much wider smile & Murphy couldn’t help but smile back. Murphy hadn’t smiled in a long time and it felt odd, but at the same time, it felt wonderful to have that natural smile cross his face.

A lady brushed past them, mumbling something about people leaving carts in the middle of the aisle, and Murphy glanced back at his cart, which the woman had moved to the side.

“I think she’s talking about you.”

“Probably.” Murphy looked back to the cart, realizing he still had a lot of shopping to do, and now he was running late. And on top of that, he still couldn’t think of anything interesting to say. “I should probably get going. It was nice talking to you, ah.....”

“Just call me Connor,” he said with a glint in his eye and a smirk on his face. It took a moment for Murphy to realize he was teasing him, not in a mean way, but in a somewhat flirty way. “Actually, it’s Jonathan.”

“Jonathan.” Murphy nodded, committing his name to memory. “See you later. Jonathan.”

Murphy turned & walked quickly to his cart before Jonathan could respond, steering it away from the produce section & down the aisle, away from Jonathan. Just before he rounded the aisle, Murphy glanced over his shoulder, back at the vegetable stand.

Murphy stopped. He froze in place.

Jonathan was watching him walk away with a small smile on his face, and Murphy had caught him watching. Murphy wasn’t used to being watched, he was the one always doing the watching, but this time, he was the one being stared at. It felt strange but at the same time, it felt kind of nice to be looked at like that. No one ever looked at him like that, and it felt fucking fantastic. Murphy dropped his head, smiling with happiness, before quickly lifting his eyes back to Jonathan’s.

Jonathan smiled & shrugged his shoulders, knowing he was caught but not really caring. He gave Murphy a small wave & when Murphy waved back, Jonathan released the breath he had been holding. He watched as Murphy walked away, glancing back at Jonathan one more time before disappearing around the corner.

Murphy was trying to make up for lost time, he was really late now & he was moving as quickly as he could through the aisles. He caught sight of Jonathan a few times across the store, too far away to talk, but close enough to make eye contact. Each time Murphy saw him, Jonathan was already looking at him, like he knew exactly where Murphy was. And each time their eyes connected, Murphy felt himself blush.

When Murphy reached the cashier, he looked around for Jonathan, wondering if he’d already left. Murphy hadn’t seen him for over five minutes, not even across the store, and he felt disappointed.

Snapping of fingers in front of his face pulled his attention back. “I said how’s your Ma, Murphy?”

“Oh, sorry. She’s good. She said to put this on our account.”

The man nodded & began to ring up the purchases. “And Connor? I usually don’t see just one of you. It’s usually the pair, not the single.”

Murphy nodded, glancing over his shoulder again. “Conn’s fine. He’s at home.”

“And school? You doing well?”

“Yup.” Murphy turned to look out the store window, trying to see if Jonathan was in the parking lot.

The man moved slower than molasses, his hands slowly placing the items in a bag. “Are you dating anyone?”

“Nah, not right now.”

The man placed a bag on the counter, moving on to pack the second bag. “You need to find yourself a nice girl, young man. Connor’s got himself a pretty one, you need to find one for yourself.”

Murphy nodded, he hated this type of conversation. He didn’t want a girl, not even a pretty one, no way. And Katie is a pretty one? Murphy certainly didn’t think so, the mere thought of Katie made him want to vomit. He looked one more time over his shoulder, his eyes scanning unsuccessfully.

“You looking for Jonathan?”

Murphy finally looked at the man, “Huh?”

“I said, are you looking for Jonathan? I saw the two of you talking over the tomatoes. Looked like you were hitting it off, at least from what I could see.”

Murphy wondered how good the old man’s eyesight was, he wondered if he saw the stares, if he could tell Jonathan was flirting with him. Murphy wondered if he saw them looking for each other across the store.

“I was just wondering if he left, s’all,” Murphy mumbled, trying to sound nonchalant, like he hadn’t just been looking for him so diligently.

“He left a few minutes ago. He was asking about you, though.”

Murphy’s heart skipped a beat, his heart jumping straight to his throat. “He-he asked about me? Really? What’d he ask?”

The man smiled, not understanding why Murphy suddenly seemed so excited. “Just how often you came in here, where you lived. I told him you didn’t come in too often and I didn’t tell him where you lived. I figured if you wanted him to know, you’d tell him yourself.”

Murphy left the store, feeling both sad & happy at the same time. He met someone who found him attractive, someone who had flirted with him, someone who made him feel good. And he liked Jonathan, he was nice, and there was something about him that made Murphy want to get to know him better.

But he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever see him again. Today was the first time he’d ever laid eyes on him, they’d never crossed paths before, all he knew was his first name. Jonathan. It was a nice name.....Jonathan. Murphy sat on the curb, looking up at the sky, asking God for his path to cross Jonathan’s again someday.

Today he’d actually felt happy, he had smiled a real smile, not a fake smile. Today he felt like maybe he could move on and stop pretending he would one day be with Connor. Today he felt like maybe he wouldn’t die from heartache.

Maybe, just maybe, he was finally getting over Connor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I'll say is, don't anyone panic. This is not a Murphy/Jonathan love story.


	14. Meeting Jonathan Part 2

Murphy unzipped his backpack & filled it with as many of the groceries that would fit, arranging & stuffing it as full as he could. Along with his backpack, he had a heavy bag of groceries to carry home, and he was dreading the long walk on such a hot day.

As he sat on the curb, his mind drifted to thoughts of the guy he just met in the store.....Jonathan. Murphy liked him, he liked him a lot, and he found himself smiling. Jonathan had been outright flirting with him, and even though it surprised him at first, Murphy ended up liking it more than he thought he would. He’d never had a guy flirt with him before, in fact, he’d never had a guy even look at him like Jonathan did. It made him nervous.....but he liked it.

“Hello.”

Murphy jumped at the quiet greeting, he’d been lost in his thoughts, he hadn’t even noticed someone approach. White tennis shoes were on his left side & he looked up the long legs, past the bulge in the jeans that he wanted to stop & admire, up the flat stomach to the smiling face of Jonathan.

“I didn’t mean to startle you. I just wanted to say hello again.”

“Hi.” Murphy looked at him with wide eyes & after a moment, he ducked his head. He was so fucking stupid, he couldn’t even say anything other than ‘hi.’

“Hi…..Can I sit with you for a minute?”

Murphy nodded, still not looking at him, he was too nervous to make eye contact. He had hoped to run into Jonathan again sometime but he’d never expected to see him so soon. He thought he’d have time to think of stuff to say, conversations he’d be able to run through in his mind, jokes he’d have ready to make him laugh. But all he could come up with was ‘hi.’ Fucking idiot. 

Jonathan sat next to him, not close enough that they were touching but closer than Murphy had expected. They sat in silence for a few moments until Jonathan leaned over & bumped his shoulder against Murphy’s.

“How come you didn’t get any vegetables?”

Murphy turned to look at him.....he was so fucking close. “I guess I forgot.” He knew his Ma would kill him for forgetting. He’d have to go back, just for a stupid vegetable.

Jonathan nodded, cocking his head, “Glad I’m not the only one who was distracted. What were you supposed to get?”

For the life of him, Murphy suddenly couldn’t remember, not with this guy staring at him like he was. Murphy didn’t want to reach into his pocket to check his list, he’d look like an idiot if he did that, but he just couldn’t remember.

Jonathan smiled, “It wasn’t tomatoes, was it?”

Murphy laughed, he liked having a little joke between them. When he laughed, he relaxed, and then he remembered. “Carrots.”

“Carrots.....well, I happen to have bought carrots today & I have some extra that I won’t need.” Jonathan reached into his bag, a bag that Murphy hadn’t even noticed, and he pulled out two large carrots, holding them out toward Murphy. “Do you need more than two?”

“No, two is perfect. But are you sure? I don’t want to cut you short and I could just go back to the store.”

“I have plenty.” Jonathan reached for Murphy’s bag & unceremoniously placed them inside. Before Murphy could thank him, Jonathan asked, “So, do I really look like this Connor guy?”

Murphy hadn’t expected that question, especially so out of the blue, but he couldn’t deny the similarity. “A bit.....especially from the back.”

“Same ass, huh?”

Again, Murphy laughed, “I didn’t look.” But he wished he had.

“You didn’t look at mine or Connor’s?”

“Yours,” Murphy softly admitted, feeling heat in his face again, his blush deepening. He was certain even his ears were turning red. If Connor was here, he’d be telling him how cute he was.

“Sorry to hear that. I was hoping you thought I had a nicer ass than Connor.”

Murphy couldn’t make eye contact, he liked this conversation but it embarrassed him. He’d never talked about a guy’s ass before, not to anyone, not even Connor. “I guess I’ll have to let you know.”

It was Jonathan’s turn to laugh this time. Murphy stole a quick glance, his laugh was nothing like Connor’s, it wasn’t as deep or as loud, but it was filled with the same enjoyment. “I think I’ll start doing butt exercises, I wouldn’t want to disappoint you.”

Murphy briefly laughed with him, shocked by how bold Jonathan was, how open he was, how suggestive. Murphy had always hidden his true nature, he’d kept his desires hidden for as long as he could remember, but Jonathan.....Jonathan didn’t seem to do that.

“Are you like this with everyone?” When Jonathan didn’t respond, when he just looked at him with a grin, Murphy continued. “Are you always so.....so flirty? With everyone?”

“No, not with everyone. Only with you.”

“But how’d you know I’d be interested? I mean.....why’d you think I liked b-boys?”

Jonathan wiggled his eyebrows, “Gaydar.” When Murphy looked puzzled, Jonathan explained. “You’ve heard of radar, right? Gaydar is like radar, only better. It told me you liked boys.”

“Oh.....gaydar, huh?”

Jonathan smirked, nodding slowly, and Murphy smiled at the play on words.

“So, are you over him?” Murphy’s smile faded, he wasn’t sure what Jonathan was asking. “Connor’s obviously your ex, or at the very least, a guy you fell in love with. Am I right?”

A sadness swept over Murphy’s face, his eyes reflecting deep pain, his mind again thinking of Connor and how much he still loved him, how much he still wanted him, even now. Murphy had been doing so good, he actually thought maybe he was finally getting over Connor, until Jonathan brought up Connor’s name. Then his emotions came roaring back to the surface & Murphy felt his heart tighten painfully.

“He’s not my ex.”

Jonathan nodded, his eyes trying to give Murphy some form of comfort. “But you fell in love with him.”

Murphy had never admitted to anyone that he was in love with Connor, but now that he was being asked, he didn’t want to deny it. Not anymore. He nodded, blinking away salty tears before they could fall down his cheeks. Being in love with someone who didn’t love him back hurt worse than anything, but at the same time, it felt liberating to finally acknowledge it.

“The best way to get over someone is to be with someone new, someone who makes you smile, someone named Jonathan.”

Murphy took a deep breath and he tried to smile. Maybe Jonathan was right.....Murphy was trying to move on, but how could he when he was with Connor all the fucking time? Maybe he needed to spend time with someone different, maybe he needed to let someone else into his heart.

Murphy gazed at Jonathan, trying to see his motivations behind his eyes. Jonathan smiled back, his eyes warm & inviting.....caring. A lot like Connor’s eyes, actually.

“You never did tell me your name. You ran off before I could ask.” Jonathan had a way of jumping from subject to subject, keeping Murphy on his toes. “And I’d really like to know what to call you.”

“Murphy.”

Jonathan’s eyes ran over Murphy’s face, pausing at his mouth before returning to his eyes. “Murphy. Are you busy Friday night?”

Murphy scoffed and rolled his eyes, looking down at the street with embarrassment. “I’m grounded until Saturday.”

Jonathan was amused by Murphy’s reaction, not understanding why he’d be embarrassed by being grounded. “What’d you do?”

“I think I’d rather not say.” He wasn’t about to admit to Jonathan that he had jerked off thinking of Connor & had left cum stains on his sheets. Jonathan would never understand, that much was certain.

“I do love a bad boy,” he teased, his voice lilting & suggestive, his eyes again scanning Murphy’s face. “What about Saturday night then?”

Murphy didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know what was happening, what exactly Jonathan was asking him. Was he asking him out? Like on a date? Jonathan was flirting with him, but was he actually serious?

Jonathan could see the confusion on the boy’s face, he found it endearing, refreshing. And he decided to be perfectly clear with him, he didn’t want any misunderstandings. “I’m asking you out on a date, Murphy. Saturday night, if you don’t already have plans.”

Murphy didn’t have plans, he’d even been told to make himself scarce, so Katie could fuck Connor again. He didn’t want to be anywhere near home Saturday night, that’s for sure. And going out with Jonathan would keep him away from home, it’d keep his mind from thinking of Connor, it might even be fun.

“I think I’d like that,” Murphy whispered so softly that Jonathan barely heard him.

Murphy’s first date with a guy, Saturday night.....Murphy nodded, this is called moving on & getting over Connor.


	15. Happiness and Anger

Murphy practically floated all the way home, not caring that he had a goofy smile plastered on his face. He couldn’t stop grinning, he had a date.....just the thought made him happy. He had a date.

Jonathan had wanted to drive him home, he’d been quite insistent actually, but Murphy wouldn’t let him. Connor was home, he would have heard Jonathan’s car, he might have seen Murphy get dropped off. Murphy wasn’t ready to answer his brother’s questions about who Jonathan was.....and Connor most certainly would have asked.

Murphy didn’t want to hurt Jonathan’s feelings, he really did like him, and he felt terrible being the cause of that injured look in his eye. But he just couldn’t take the chance that Connor would see, he couldn’t risk it.....not yet, anyway.

Jonathan listened quietly to Murphy’s fumbled explanation that “no one knew,” he’d pretended his whole life to be something he wasn’t.....he was afraid his family would find out. He was sorry, soooo sorry, but he couldn’t let Jonathan drive him home, he just couldn’t, no matter how much Murphy wanted him to.

Murphy lowered his eyes when he told him he’d understand if Jonathan wanted to take back his invitation, if he changed his mind, if he just walked away & didn’t look back. Murphy would understand, he really would, he wouldn’t blame him at all.

When Murphy was done speaking, when he finally whispered his last painful thought, he waited for Jonathan to leave, to stand up & walk away. Murphy braced himself for the words he was certain he would hear.....he waited for Jonathan to tell him to fuck off.

But Jonathan didn’t walk away, and to Murphy’s utter amazement, Jonathan didn’t tell him to fuck off either. Instead, Jonathan sat on the curb next to Murphy, silent & unmoving, watching the boy struggle with his emotions & doubts, until he finally gathered his courage & lifted his eyes toward Jonathan.

Murphy looked at him through his dark eyelashes, his gaze filled with trepidation & fear of rejection, and when his blue eyes finally met Jonathan’s steady gaze, Murphy sighed in relief. Jonathan’s eyes held an understanding & a warmth that Murphy found surprising, he couldn’t believe how tenderly Jonathan was looking at him. Murphy never would have expected this reaction, this acceptance, especially in someone he just met.

Jonathan smiled & told him he understood, he’d been afraid to tell people himself at one time. His words were as soft as Murphy’s had been, telling the nervous boy that he wasn’t going anywhere, he liked Murphy, and no.....he hadn’t changed his mind. With another push of his shoulder against Murphy’s, Jonathan whispered that he could be as discreet as Murphy needed him to be, he was good at keeping secrets.

He’d made it easy for Murphy, he took all the pressure off by offering to pick him up for their date wherever Murphy wanted, anywhere at all. Murphy picked the bus stop a mile down the road, it would be deserted on Saturday night & it was far enough away from his home that Connor wouldn’t see him. Jonathan knew where it was & Murphy told him he’d be there at seven.

Jonathan remained sitting on the curb as Murphy started toward home, Jonathan’s eyes glued to the dark haired boy as he moved with a grace that was beyond his years. Murphy knew he was watching him, and he prayed he wouldn’t trip & make a fucking ass of himself. He glanced over his shoulder a couple times, nervously smiling as Jonathan smiled back, before he sped up his pace, he was so fucking late.

Murphy thought of Jonathan all the way home, wondering what he’d be like on a date, where they’d go, what they’d do. He wondered if Jonathan wanted to kiss him. Murphy beamed.....there was no doubt, Jonathan wanted to kiss him, Murphy could tell by how he looked at him, how his gaze constantly drifted to his mouth. He felt that goofy smile on his face once again.....Jonathan wanted to kiss him.

He wondered how he’d explain to Jonathan who Connor was, how he’d tell him that Connor wasn’t just some guy he fell in love with, Connor was his twin brother. How could Murphy possible explain it when he himself didn’t really understand it? He pushed it from his mind, when the time was right, he’d tell him, he’d be able to figure it out by then.

He wondered how he got so fucking lucky, why he’d actually been in the right place at the right time. His luck was usually worth shit, but today.....today, he’d had the best luck ever. Today, he’d met Jonathan.

Jonathan. His Saturday night date.....Jonathan. The boy who wanted to kiss him.....Jonathan. His new favorite name.....Jonathan.

Murphy and Jonathan.....Jonathan and Murphy.....he liked the sound of that. The rest of the way home he kept repeating their names in his head, over and over, the same goofy smile on his face as he walked.

 

\--

 

“Where the fuck have ya been, Murphy?”

The goofy smile he’d had on his face disappeared in the blink of an eye, his mind clinging to the warm thoughts of Jonathan as he stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes immediately dropping to stare at the ground.

His Ma was standing on the back porch, her hands on her ample hips, her foot tapping loudly against the warped wooden floorboard. Murphy could smell the whiskey from where he was standing, the smell almost making him sick to his stomach as it mixed with her perfume and the stale cigarette she was smoking.

“I’m waiting for an answer. And it better be a fucking good one this time.” Her words were slurred & even from where he was standing, he could see her swaying.

“I was at the store, Ma. Remember? You gave me a list and everything.” He hoped she’d let it go, he knew he was very late and he wouldn’t be able to explain why, not without telling her about Jonathan.

“You want to tell me why it took you two hours to walk home?”

Murphy was perplexed, it didn’t take him two hours to walk home, even that time he’d twisted his ankle it hadn’t taken him two hours to walk home.

“I called the store. They told me you left at four and it’s now after six.”

Fuck, he was busted, he had to think quickly. “I stopped to play with Mr. O’Donnell’s dog, Ma. Guess I lost track of time.”

She scoffed & he knew she didn’t believe him, she could always tell when he was lying, but she was just drunk enough to have the slightest bit of doubt. “I was just about to send Connor out looking for you.”

This sent a wave of fear through him, he didn’t need Connor poking into what he was doing, it was no one’s business what he did. Especially now that he met Jonathan.

Annabelle motioned to the door, telling Murphy to put the groceries away before she grounded him for another week. This made Murphy move quicker than he had in a long time, he couldn’t get grounded, not when he had a date on Saturday, he’d be on his all- time best behavior.

He tried to duck her swatting hand but she connected to the back of his head as he passed, her ring smacking his head painfully. He hated when she drank too much, she hit harder when she drank, and he was certain she’d smack him again before she left for the pub.

Connor was leaning against the kitchen counter, his eyes on the door as Murphy entered, he’d obviously been listening while he waited. Murphy glanced at his twin before placing the heavy bag & backpack on the table, his hands moving to empty the groceries as quickly as he could.

“You’re not gonna say anything, Murph?”

“About what?”

Connor crossed his arms over his chest, shaking his head, and Murphy recognized Connor’s ‘pissed off’ look. He really didn’t want to deal with Connor’s attitude right now, he wanted to be happy again, he wanted to smile again, even if it was a goofy smile.

“About why you’re so fucking late.”

Murphy grabbed the cleaning items & moved to put them under the sink, “I know you were listening so you know why I was late. I shouldn’t have to say it again, not when you already heard.”

Connor began to tap his foot, knowing this irritated his brother, “What’s your fucking problem today, Murph? Huh? You tracked me down at school to make sure I wasn’t mad at you & now it’s like you’re trying to piss me off on purpose.”

Murphy sighed loudly, trying to make a point, although he wasn’t sure what point he was actually trying to make. “I’m not trying to piss you off. If I wanted to piss you off, I’d tell you to fuck off, Connor. But keep tapping your fucking foot & I just might tell you to fuck off anyway.”

Murphy didn’t know why he was so mad at his twin, he had no reason to be, nothing happened. He shouldn’t be mad at Connor, but he was.

“Did something happen that you’re not telling me?”

Murphy shook his head, pulling more items from his backpack & placing them on the table. “Why don’t you just go find something to do & stop bugging me?”

Connor watched his irate brother as Murphy began to slam down cans on the table. He couldn’t figure out why Murphy was so pissed off at him. When Murphy left for the store, everything was fine. Something had to have happened that Murphy wasn’t telling him.

“I was worried about you, Murph. Not that you fucking care.”

Murphy picked up the cans & put them in the cabinet, moving back to the final bag, his hands pulling out the carrots. Murphy couldn’t help but smile, the carrots reminded him of Jonathan, and he paused briefly before moving to the icebox.

“What the fuck, Murph? I tell you I was worried about you and you fucking smile?”

Murphy placed the carrots in the crisper, turning back to his brother as he kicked the refrigerator door shut. “That’s not why I was smiling, Connor. And why do you always have to be worrying about me?”

“I’m your brother, it’s my job. I’m supposed to worry about you.”

Murphy finally looked at his brother, his twin, no longer his Connor. He felt a sadness take the place of his anger, why did he still have to love Connor? He didn’t want to, not anymore, it hurt too much. He wanted to turn it off but he didn’t know how. Everytime he looked at Connor, his heart hurt.

Connor unfolded his arms, his own anger dissipating when he caught the look on Murphy’s face. He glanced to the porch, their Ma still outside smoking, and Connor lowered his voice. “Are you still worked up from this morning? Is that it?”

Murphy’s own voice was hushed as well, trying not to draw their mother’s attention. “You said you wouldn’t mention it again, Connor. I told you I was sorry.”

“And I told you it wasn’t a big deal. But you’ve been acting funny ever since you did.....that.”

Murphy couldn’t deny he’d been acting funny, but not since just this morning. He’d been acting funny since he fell in love with Connor. Only Connor hadn’t noticed it until Murphy had humped his leg. And now that Murphy was desperately trying to fall out of love, he didn’t know how to treat his brother anymore, he didn’t know how to act, what to feel.

“Well you’ve been acting funny ever since you watched me do.....that. Why don’t you just start making jokes again, Connor? Maybe you’ll actually come up with one that’s funny.”

Connor was baffled by his brother’s behavior, his face reflecting his bewilderment, “Why’re you so angry at me? What the fuck did I do?”

“That’s just it, Connor. You didn’t do anything, not one fucking thing.”


	16. Broken Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long chapter. I was going to break it into 2 separate chapters but there didn't seem to be a good place to do that so I figured what the heck, I'll post the whole thing. I also didn't want to cut it down just to make it a shorter entry, it felt important to have Murphy's entire memory represented. So.....here is the next installment.
> 
> Also, a shout out to everyone who has read & reviewed this. Your encouragement & support have touched my heart & I thank you most sincerely.

Dinner was quiet that evening, neither boy speaking much, Connor watching his twin carefully while Murphy stared at his plate, barely eating. Connor watched Murphy push his meatloaf into his mashed potatoes, trying to hide how little he was actually eating, getting away with it because their Ma was too far gone to notice. Ma always said he didn’t eat enough and in Connor’s opinion, Murphy was too skinny. He thought about saying something, but after their heated words barely an hour ago, he decided to save this argument for when Murphy would be more receptive.

Connor still didn’t understand why Murphy was so mad at him, he could feel the anger radiating off his brother and he didn’t like that shit one bit, especially when he didn’t do anything wrong. Their argument had continued up the stairs & into their room, Connor repeatedly asking what Murphy’s problem was & Murphy repeatedly telling Connor to go fuck himself. Finally, after what was probably the hundredth time of Connor asking what was wrong, Murphy stopped talking to Connor altogether. There was silence between them ever since.

Truth be told, Murphy himself didn’t understand why he was angry with Connor, he just was. Ever since he came home, Connor’s mere presence irritated Murphy, the fact that he was in the room breathing irritated him. Connor didn’t do or say anything wrong, nothing happened between them.....but maybe that was the problem. Nothing happened between them & Murphy felt hurt in some way, he felt a sense of loss for something he never had but desperately wanted. And he didn’t know how to deal with these emotions, other than anger.

Murphy’s fork scrapped his plate as he pushed his food around & Connor wondered why Murphy’s emotions were all over the place, why he was so quiet, why sadness seemed to permeate his very being. He missed his happy Murph and wanted him back.

“Can I be excused?” Murphy asked, his blue eyes still not leaving his plate, knowing full fucking well that Connor was watching him. Whenever they fought, Murphy would refuse to look at his brother, he just couldn’t look at him when he was mad. But Connor.....this was the one time when Connor would watch Murphy like a hawk, when his eyes wouldn’t leave his brother, not until they made up.

Annabelle mumbled something that Murphy took as an affirmation & he quickly rose from the table, dumping his remaining food in the garbage before practically tossing his plate into the sink with a resounding clank. Connor cringed, thinking Murphy broke the dish, and he was actually surprised it didn’t shatter.

“Don’t you want any pie, Murph?” Connor tried to sound casual, he knew Murphy loved pie and maybe something sweet would loosen him up.

“Nope” was the one word response, which Connor was lucky to even hear, seeing as Murphy mumbled it as he stalked from the room. The stomping of Murphy’s feet on the stairs, which Connor knew was on purpose, was followed by the slamming of their bedroom door.

Connor rolled his eyes, his little brother could be such a fucking baby sometimes, he hated when Murphy acted like this. He just wished he knew what was going on in his brother’s head, what was haunting him, why he was treating Connor different, especially lately.

As Connor finished eating, he could hear Murphy stomping around upstairs, and it sounded like Murphy was throwing things. He glanced at the ceiling as an especially loud thump came from above, almost as if by looking up he’d see what his brother was doing. Connor shook his head.....Murphy’s temper tantrums were somewhat notorious, at least in the MacManus household. But for some reason, this one seemed far worse than normal, this one felt more emotional, more intense, less about anger & more about pain.

Connor watched his mother stumble to the porch for her after dinner cigarette & he began clearing the table, thankful the banging upstairs had stopped. It was his turn to wash the dishes & he hoped that when he was done, Murphy would be calmer, then maybe Connor could talk to him.

\--

Another one of Connor’s shoes flew across the room, loudly smacking the wall before flopping to the floor. Murphy didn’t know why it felt so good to throw Connor’s stuff around, he hadn’t planned on doing that but when he got to their room & saw Connor’s shoes on his side of the room, he felt the need to throw them back to their rightful side. Connor always complained about Murphy leaving his stuff around, how he always had to clean up after him, but it was Connor’s shoes that weren’t where they belonged, not Murphy’s.

Having thrown all of Connor’s shoes that he could find, Murphy moved to his dresser, looking for one of Connor’s precious books. Connor always left whatever book he was reading on Murphy’s dresser, he’d done that ever since he learned to read. At first it had been fairy tales, then comic books, until finally Connor graduated to thick novels. When Murphy asked him why he didn’t leave his books on his own dresser, Connor laughingly told him Murphy’s dresser was closer to the bathroom, where he did his best reading.

Murphy found not one, but two thick books on his dresser, just where his fucking brother left them. Connor never asked if he could leave them there, he just did it, he never asked once. Murphy picked the books up, feeling the heavy weight in his hand but barely glancing at the actual titles, he didn’t give a shit whatever stupid book Connor was reading. Murphy took great delight in throwing the books against the wall as hard as he could, one after the other, the books finally joining the shoes in a pile on the floor.

Then Murphy turned to their desk, the desk they were supposed to share but Connor always hogged. Connor’s shit was everywhere, his jacket was over the back of the chair like he fucking owned it, his school books were strewn across the top of the desk, pencils & highlighters were everywhere. He thought about taking all of Connor’s shit & dumping it on his bed, that would show him. Murphy kicked at the chair as hard as he could, wanting it to crash to the floor along with Connor’s jacket. But as the chair began to topple, it banged into the desk, shaking it.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion. The chair fell to the floor with a loud thud, Connor’s jacket not cushioning the sound in the least. The desk shook, along with everything on it, including the one item that Murphy loved most in the world. That item tipped to the side, as if balancing on a cliff, it teetered and mocked Murphy before falling end over end to the floor.

Murphy reached out, trying to catch it, trying to stop it from hitting the floor, desperately trying to save it. His fingertips actually touched it before gravity yanked it away and he watched it land, cracking into four pieces. He stood staring for a moment, not believing what happened, before kneeling down & gingerly picking up the pieces. He held the pieces in his hand, walking away from the desk & sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the fractured bits. He remembered the day Connor gave it to him, it was the best day of his life, a day he’d never ever forget.

They had just turned fourteen & by then Murphy knew, he just knew, he was in love with Connor. They’d gone out to the field, Connor said he had a surprise for him, and he made Murphy close his eyes as he led him by the hand. Murphy could almost feel Connor’s hand even now, the warmth of his skin, his gentle grip, the way his thumb stroked the back of Murphy’s hand as they walked. When his hand was in Connor’s, Murphy felt like he was home.....Connor was his home.

The memory was so vivid, he remembered the sound of the birds, how they called to him as Connor led him to the middle of the field. He remembered the feeling of the grass & dirt under his feet, trusting that Connor wouldn’t let him trip & fall. He remembered the warm breeze as it blew through his hair, Connor whispering that his hair was too long. But what he remembered most was Connor. Connor’s voice.....Connor’s laugh.....Connor’s smell. And when he opened his eyes, Connor’s beautiful face.

Connor was smiling at him, the sunlight making his hair look like spun gold, his eyes watching Murphy’s face, waiting for him to see what he’d done. A blanket was on the ground, the one from Connor’s bed, and on top of the blanket was a large picnic basket. Connor pulled at Murphy’s hand, telling him that he was about to be spoiled, spoiled in a way that only Connor could do.

Murphy sat on the blanket & Connor knelt in front of him, his hands untying Murphy’s shoelaces. Murphy watched quietly as Connor removed his shoes, tossing both his shoes over his shoulder with a flourish. Murphy laughed out loud, Connor could put on quite a show, but he quieted down when Connor removed his socks & gently squeezed each foot. Murphy didn’t know what to say, he opened his mouth, thinking he should say something, but Connor hushed him as he removed his own shoes & socks. It was hot in the sun & their shirts quickly joined their shoes.

“Close your eyes, Murph,” Connor whispered as he reached for the basket, Murphy instantly obeying. “No peaking.”

“I’m not.”

Murphy could hear Connor removing items from the basket & he tried to be patient as he waited, listening to his brother rustle & move about. Patience was never one of Murphy’s strong points, and the excitement about whatever Connor was doing made Murphy fidget & squirm.

“Take it easy, I’m almost done. Only a few more minutes, Murph. Remember, patience is a virtue.”

“Patience fucking sucks. C’mon, Conn, I’m dying. Hurry up.”

Connor laughed, one of those soft, amused laughs that Murphy heard often. It was one of his most favorite sounds in all the world. “I should make you wait longer but I won’t, just because I love you.”

Murphy never got tired of hearing Connor say he loved him, he just wished Connor would say he was IN love with him. “I love you too, Conn. Now fucking hurry up.”

Another soft Connor laugh & a little more rustling before Murphy inhaled a sweet scent, a familiar scent, a scent that made him take a deep breath. Hyacinth.....Murphy smelled hyacinth. He couldn’t help but open his eyes, it was his favorite flower & he shouldn’t be able to smell it in the middle of this field.

A hyacinth bouquet was in front of him, bound together clumsily with a piece of rope, but it was the most beautiful bouquet Murphy had ever seen. The colors were varied & bright, Connor taking great effort in trying to make the bouquet as pretty as possible, as special as possible.

No one had ever given Murphy flowers before, not ever. And no one since. Murphy felt tears threatening.....Connor gave him flowers, and not only flowers, but his favorite flower, he’d made him the most beautiful, the most perfect bouquet he’d ever seen.

“What’s this for?” Murphy couldn’t help but ask.

“I told you. I’m spoiling you today.”

Murphy took the flowers from his brother, pulling them to his nose & inhaling deeply, looking at Connor from over the top of the flowers, still trying his best not to cry. Connor watched him with a smile on his face & Murphy mumbled a soft ‘thank you, Conn’ from behind the flowers.

Connor again laughed his little amused laugh, his eyes dancing with merriment. “Don’t get all shy on me, Murph. I’m not done yet.”

Connor began removing food from the basket, handing a sandwich to his brother, tossing a bag of chips on the blanket, all without making eye contact. “I’m sorry. This isn’t too fancy, Murph,” Connor quietly mumbled as if embarrassed. 

Connor wasn’t usually like this, nervous almost, and Murphy thought he was just adorable. Seeing a side of Connor he rarely saw felt like a rare gift. “I don’t need fancy, Connor. It’s really special what you did. And I think it’s just perfect.”

“You haven’t eaten your sandwich yet, you might change your mind,” Connor warned, smiling as he again made eye contact with his brother.

“Never.”

“We’ll just see about that. Now shut the fuck up & eat your sandwich. Fucking idiot.”

Sandwiches were unwrapped & Murphy laughed, peanut butter & jelly was certainly not fancy, but because Connor made it just for him, it was the best sandwich he’d ever tasted. They quietly chewed on their sandwiches & shared the chips, Murphy smiling widely every time he looked at Connor.

“You want something to drink?” Connor quietly asked, his voice holding a hint of something that Murphy didn’t understand, as if he had a secret.

“Sure. Whatever you packed is good.”

A subtle nod, followed by a smirk, followed by Connor reaching for the basket. Murphy was intrigued, his brother obviously had something planned, and Connor was like a  
little kid when his plan came together.

Two wine glasses were pulled out, Connor handing them to his brother before pulling out a dark bottle of wine, holding it up for Murphy’s inspection. Murphy’s eyes widened, where did Connor get a bottle of wine? Their Ma didn’t drink wine, there wasn’t even a bottle of wine in the house, so he couldn’t have gotten it from home.

“Want some, brother mine?”

“Conn. How’d you get a bottle of wine?”

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Want some?”

Murphy really didn’t like wine, not at all, not one little bit. He was surprised Connor didn’t know this, he thought Connor knew everything about him, everything except his true feelings, that is. But Connor had gone to so much effort, he’d done so much to make Murphy feel special, to spoil him. Murphy wasn’t about to ruin it, he’d drink whatever Connor gave him, no matter how terrible it was. If Connor served him horse piss, he’d drink it with a smile on his face.

“Sure.”

“Don’t be so enthusiastic,” Connor said, his face reflecting a mock hurt expression. He stuck his lip out in a pout, dropping his head at the same time as he gazed at his twin with sad puppy eyes. “My feelings are hurt, Murph. Real bad.”

Connor’s eyes got him every single time. They were so expressive, even when he was faking it, and they made Murphy melt & feel weak all over. If Murphy didn’t want to jump his bones before, he’d definitely want to jump his bones after seeing that look on his face. And if Connor didn’t stop looking at him in that way, with those huge fucking eyes, Murphy wouldn’t be able to control himself much longer.

“Stop, Connor. Please.....you need to stop.” Murphy practically whined, not wanting his dick to stiffen any further, it had grown half-hard in the last minute & he could feel it begin to pulse as it started to push against his zipper. He really didn’t need a stiffie right now, not with Connor right there.

Even though Murphy knew he was faking the hurt look, even though he knew Connor was only acting, it was still a relief when Connor lifted his head & smiled, “All right, you big baby, I’ll stop.”

Murphy sighed in relief, shifting in his seat to allow his cock more room in his pants that it suddenly needed. It was bad enough he got hard almost hourly, but now he was getting hard whenever Connor looked at him. His dick seemed to always spring to life whenever Connor was near.

“You wanna pull it or shall I do the honor?”

Murphy had to have heard wrong, there’s no way he just heard Connor asking who should pull on his dick, no fucking way. Murphy chewed his lip, not sure if he should answer his twin, not sure if he was ready for Connor to actually touch IT. But just in case, he didn’t want to turn him down either.

“You pull it, Conn.” Murphy’s voice sounded breathy, he could barely breathe, his eyes unblinking as he waited for Connor to reach for his pants, to unzip his fly, to take his now hard prick out.

“You sure?”

“Fucking pull it, Connor.”

Connor chuckled, looking at his brother with awe. “You sure are eager.”

Murphy nodded, he definitely was eager, without a doubt. Murphy watched Connor dip his hand into the basket, pulling out a corkscrew, and realization hit him. Connor was talking about pulling the cork, not the cock, the stupid fucking cork from the wine bottle.

Murphy was lucky Connor was concentrating on the bottle and not looking at his face, Murphy’s crestfallen look would have given him away. He quickly recovered before Connor noticed, although his dick hadn’t softened at all, and he watched as his twin worked on the cork. With seemingly great effort, Connor pulled the cork from the wine bottle, holding the cork out for his brother.

“What?”

“Sniff it.”

“What do you mean, sniff it? Why?” Murphy didn’t want to sniff it, what if it smelled funny.

Connor moved it closer to his face, his tone one of extreme patience. “You’re supposed to sniff it, Murph, like in the movies.”

Murphy shook his head, “You sniff it.”

“I brought this out here just for you, the least you can do is sniff the fucking cork. Now come on, you wanker, sniff it.” Connor shook his hand, twisting the cork in his fingers, “Come on.”

Connor was right, he’d done a lot, he’d been sweet & thoughtful. All he wanted was Murphy to sniff the cork, no big deal, it really was the least he could do. He held the wine glasses in one hand, by their stems, and reached for his brother’s hand, taking the cork from his fingers. He held Connor’s eyes as he moved it to his nose, sniffing lightly at first, but after smelling absolutely nothing, he took a deeper breath.

“Well?” Connor prompted.

“Well what?”

“After you sniff it, you’re supposed to say something about how it smells. Like, ‘it’s a good vintage,’ or how robust it smells. You know, shit like that.”

Murphy smelled it again. Nope, still didn’t smell like anything. “I guess it’s a good vintage.”

“You think so?”

Another sniff. “Yup, great fucking vintage, Conn. The best.”

Connor nodded at his brother’s appraisal. “Glad to hear you say that. This is from the finest hills in all of Ireland, Murph. You’re gonna love this, I promise.”

Murphy held the glasses & Connor tipped the bottle, liquid pouring into the first wine glass. Murphy was confused as he watched it pour out. It wasn’t white, it wasn’t red, it wasn’t even what they called blush, or rose. It was brown.

“Conn.....there’s something wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong, Murph.” He moved to pour the liquid into the second glass before recorking the bottle, putting it back in the basket. Murphy inspected the liquid a little closer, swirling it in the glass. It was thick, it was creamy, it looked a lot like.....

“Chocolate milk, Conn?”

Connor broke into a fit of laughter, his face lighting up with joy as he took a glass from Murphy’s hand. “Aye, Murph, chocolate milk just for you. From the finest cows in all of Ireland.”

Murphy laughed lightly, still confused, “But.....but why was chocolate milk in a wine bottle?”

Connor clinked his glass lightly against Murphy’s, stating the obvious. “For fun. Cheers, Murph.”

Murphy couldn’t help but laugh, he loved when Connor was playful, he was so adorable when he was like this, he was quirky, he was sweet.....he was downright sexy. “Cheers, Conn.”

They ate between their laughter, drank chocolate milk between their smiles, and Murphy felt his dick finally softening in his pants just before they relaxed on their backs next to each other, their bare shoulders lightly touching. Connor pointed to the clouds, telling Murphy what shapes he saw, Murphy laughing when Connor said one cloud in particular looked like what the girls at school stuffed into their bras.

“How the fuck would you know?” Murphy spit out between his laughs.

“Fuck you, I know shit.”

“Oh.....well that explains it.”

Connor smacked him in the stomach as Murphy laughed harder, his stomach hurting from both eating too much & laughing too much.

“Thanks for today, Conn. It was a grand day.”

Connor sat up, looking down at his reclining other half. Murphy looked tired but happy, and Connor liked seeing Murphy happy. “You think it’s over, do ya?”

“It’s not?”

Connor pursed his lips, his perfect full lips, his fucking kissable lips, and slowly shook his head.

“What else is there? Conn?”

Connor pulled the picnic basket to his side, grinning like a Cheshire cat, reaching inside but stopping before pulling his hand out. Murphy had begun to sit up, his eyes on the basket, wondering what Connor had up his sleeve.

“Who told you to sit up? Lay back down, Murph, and close your eyes.”

Murphy exhaled loudly, trying to sound annoyed, but this only made Connor smile more. Connor raised his eyebrows & waited, he could wait all fucking day if he had to. They stared at each other for a moment until Murphy finally relented, he knew he wouldn’t win this battle of wills, Connor had the upper hand & Murphy was eager to learn what else Connor had planned. Murphy laid down & closed his eyes, his lips turned up at the corners, feeling like a little kid on Christmas morning.

“That’s better. Now here’s the real reason I brought you out here.” And Murphy felt something cold & heavy on his bare chest, Connor placing it gently over his heart. 

Murphy opened his eyes & reached for whatever Connor had placed there, sitting up as he held it in his palm.

It was a heart, a beautiful ruby red heart, smooth & flawless.

“I made this for you,” Connor said in the quietest voice.

“You made this? For me?”

Connor nodded, he was taking an art class in school and he had to make something for the person he loved the most, something to show how much love he had in his heart.

“It’s beautiful, Connor.”

Murphy studied it, smiling as he realized the love & detail Connor put into the gift, just for him. It must have taken hours for Connor to mold it into shape, to make it so smooth & perfect, to paint coat after coat of deep red onto its surface. But the best part, the part Murphy knew took the longest, was the one detail that meant the most.

On one side of the heart Connor had delicately inscribed ‘Murphy’ and on the other, ‘Connor.’

“We’re two halves of a whole, Murph. One side is you & the other is me. Forever.”

The tears that had threatened to fall earlier now overflowed Murphy’s eyes, dripping onto the heart, one after the other. Connor made this, with his own hands, just for him.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry, Murph. Don’t be sad.”

Murphy lifted his head, tears running down his face but his mouth in a proud smile as he held the heart close to his chest. Murphy looked at his brother & felt his heart nearly burst, he felt warm all over, he just received the best gift anyone had ever given him, and it came from Connor. He felt a love for Connor that was beyond words.

“I’m just so happy, Connor. Thank you.....I’ll treasure it forever.”

Connor reached up & wiped the tears from Murphy’s cheeks, his touch gentle and loving. “Fuck, Murph. I hate when you cry.”

And now Murphy sat on the edge of his bed, his own heart shattered much like the broken heart he held in his palm, destroyed because of his carelessness, his lack of control.....destroyed because he was being a fucking jerk.

Instead of tears of joy, he shed bitter tears of regret. Instead of his heart overflowing with absolute happiness, he felt his heart break more with every pounding beat. He’d broken the most important gift he’d ever received, he’d broken the gift that Connor made just for him, he’d broken the one thing he promised to always treasure.

Murphy slid down to the floor, pulling his knees close to his body & wrapping his arms around them as he began to sob, his hand still clutching tightly to the broken heart, its sharp edges cutting into his skin. He never heard Connor come up the stairs, he never heard the door open, he never saw Connor’s shocked expression as he first noticed the mess Murphy had made and then he noticed the mess that was his brother.

But he felt Connor’s arm around his shoulder, pulling him into a tight embrace. He heard Connor’s soft voice asking what happened & when he got no response, he heard Connor whispering over & over that everything would be all right. And he felt Connor kissing his head as he shook in his arms.


	17. Aftermath

Connor tried to get Murphy to talk to him about what happened, about what he was feeling.....about anything. But Murphy would only frown & look away, shaking his head while tears ran from his eyes, refusing to talk to his twin about whatever was going on in his head.

Connor had been shocked beyond comprehension when he’d entered their bedroom, but not because Murphy had thrown Connor’s things angrily across the room. Connor fully expected his emotional other half to have done that, it was a very ‘Murphy’ type of reaction & he’d expect no less. Anger was the emotion Murphy dealt with the easiest, it was the emotion that would rear its ugly head whenever he was overwhelmed and unable to process how he felt.

What had shocked Connor was seeing his brother curled up on himself, his sobs loud, even though he tried to stifle them. Connor felt his mouth hang open at the sight, his own eyes filling with salty tears as he watched the person he loved most in this world break down. Connor forgot all about the anger he felt earlier, he forgot all about his stuff that Murphy had thrown around their room, all he could think about was Murph. He moved without hesitation to his brother’s side, crouching next to him & putting his arm around his shoulder, trying to ease his suffering but not knowing how, not realizing that his mere presence was more of a comfort than any words could ever be.

“Murph.....what happened?”

But Murphy didn’t respond, he just cried harder.....and louder. Connor was scared, he’d never seen Murphy like this before. His brother leaned into his body & Connor held him as tight as he could as Murphy’s body shook against him.

“It’s okay.....it’ll be all right, I promise. It’ll be all right.” Connor didn’t know what to do, he thought about getting their Ma but he didn’t want to leave Murph alone, not even for a few minutes. He felt Murphy’s fingers clutch his shirt tightly, pulling Connor even closer. “It’ll be fine, you’ll see, it’ll be just fine.”

Connor stroked Murphy’s back, his hand firm but gentle at the same time, his lips kissing his brother’s head over & over as his tears overflowed his eyes & wet Murphy’s hair. He tried not to cry, he tried to be strong for Murph, but he couldn’t stop his own tears from falling, not when his twin was so emotionally overwrought.

Connor held Murphy, gently rocking him, whispering soft words in his ear, still not knowing why his twin was so distraught. Connor felt Murphy’s shaking slow & then finally stop. He heard the sobs quiet down, the whimpers diminish, the grip on his shirt lessen. But still he held Murphy tight, waiting for Murphy to decide when to let go.

After what felt like a torturous eternity, Murphy finally let go of Connor, slowly leaning away from him with his head down, wiping at his face with his sleeve. Connor reluctantly let go, he didn’t want to, he wanted to hold Murphy a bit longer, but it was time to find out what happened. He quickly wiped at his own face with his sleeve, his eyes studying Murphy as his twin tried to hide his face.

That’s when Connor noticed the blood coming from Murphy’s hand, the hand that he’d kept clenched around something that was cutting his skin. Connor took Murphy’s wrist in his hand, surprised that his brother didn’t pull away. “Show me, Murph.”

Murphy shook his head, refusing to let Connor see but not pulling away either. Murphy’s fingers remained wrapped around something that fit in his hand, something with red bits poking between his bloody fingers, something that was familiar, something that meant the world to his twin.

The heart.....it was the heart he’d lovingly made for Murph years ago.....the one he’d given him that day in the field. The heart that Murphy said he’d always treasure.

“Oh, Murph,” Connor quietly said, knowing his brother must have broken it by mistake during his temper tantrum, that explained the extreme reaction he’d walked in on. “It’s okay.”

Murphy shook his head as he sniffed, his voice barely a whisper. “I broke it, Conn. I didn’t mean to, I swear I didn’t mean to.”

“I know.....it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not, it’s not okay. It’s not.”

Connor’s fingers moved to Murphy’s, gently prying them open & removing the broken bits from his hand. The heart was still the ruby red color it originally had once been but it was faded in places from Murphy rubbing his fingers over it through the years, most noticeably over Connor’s name. Other than the fact that it was freshly broken into four pieces, it had obviously been cared for & loved. Connor winced, the pieces had Murphy’s blood on them.

“Murph, listen to me. You don’t need this ceramic heart to know how much I love you. My heart belongs to you, it always has. Don’t you know that?”

Murphy stared at Connor, his eyes slowly blinking, and Connor wondered what exactly was going on behind those eyes, those eyes that held and hid so much.

Murphy looked down at Connor’s hand, at the broken heart his brother now held. How ironic.....Connor held Murphy’s broken heart in his hand. The symbolism wasn’t lost on Murphy, the irony cutting him like the pieces of that broken heart.

Murphy took a shuddering breath, maybe this was a sign of some kind. Maybe God was telling him it was time to let go, his heart was broken enough, it was time to accept the situation for what it was. Connor wasn’t his lover, he never would be, he wasn’t his beloved, he wasn’t ‘the one.’ Connor was his brother, his twin.....nothing more. And Murphy had to accept that, once and for all, enough was enough. Murphy closed his eyes, trying to convince himself to listen to God.

Connor pulled on his arm & he let Connor lead him to the bathroom, he let Connor wash the blood from his hand, he let Connor wash his blood from the ceramic heart. He sat on the edge of the tub, a towel held to his hand as he watched his brother dry the broken crockery.

Connor knelt in front of Murphy, between his legs, and took the towel from his hand. He smeared antibacterial cream over his palm before wrapping gauze around his hand, tucking the end underneath the gauze to secure it. Then Connor surprised his brother. He leaned down & gently kissed Murphy’s palm, not once, but twice.

When they were little kids, whenever Murphy got hurt, Connor always kissed his boo-boos.....always. Even if their Ma was the one to bandage him up, he still wanted Connor to kiss it & make it better. And if Connor wasn’t home, he’d wait at the window for him & rush to the door when he saw him approaching, Connor immediately kissing whatever injury Murphy had. Connor always made it better, Connor made everything better, this time being no exception.

Murphy tried to smile for his brother, Connor watching his face for a sign that he was okay, a sign that he could stop watching him so closely. Murphy nodded, satisfying Connor somewhat, and they stood together. Connor picked up the broken ceramic pieces & put them in his pocket before leading Murphy back to their room.

Together they began to clean up the mess & when they were done, Murphy noticed the books he had thrown across the room were now on Connor’s dresser. Murphy moved with a sense of determination, Connor wondering what he was doing, Murphy taking those heavy books & putting them in their rightful place, on his own dresser.

“That’s where they belong, Connor.”

Connor nodded in response, the room back to normal, looking like hurricane Murphy had never passed through. Murphy wanted to ask what Connor would do with the broken heart that was now in his pocket, afraid he’d throw it out.....even though it was broken, Murphy didn’t want it tossed into the garbage like it was nothing. But he was too afraid to bring the subject up, too afraid he’d cry again, so he said nothing, trusting Connor to do whatever he felt was right.

“You wanna talk about what has you so upset, Murph?”

Murphy didn’t want to talk about it, he wanted to forget how he felt, how he loved, who he loved. “I’m okay now, Connor. Honest.”

He really wasn’t, he was still a mess inside, but maybe if he said it enough, maybe he’d start to believe it.

\------

Friday was a normal day for the MacManus brothers.....school, home, dinner. All passing without incident, Murphy doing his best to act normal, Connor still watching him. Friday was Murphy’s last day of being grounded & he happily finished the last of his chores before watching tv quietly with his brother. Connor made popcorn that night, what he called ‘The Connor Special,’ Murphy finding it funny that Connor had a special name for what was essentially just buttered popcorn.

They sat side by side, Murphy not even noticing what was on tv, his mind preoccupied. Usually he would focus on Connor, on how their hands touched as they reached for popcorn at the same time, how Connor sounded when he laughed at the tv, how close Connor was sitting. But tonight Murphy was thinking of something else. Tonight he was thinking about what would happen Saturday night.....with Jonathan.

Murphy knew he wouldn’t be good company, he didn’t have anything to talk about, he didn’t even have anything decent to wear. He should just cancel, let Jonathan off the hook, Jonathan would be better off without him anyway. But then he realized he had no way of reaching Jonathan, they hadn’t exchanged phone numbers, Murphy didn’t even know where he lived. He couldn’t cancel if he couldn’t reach him.

And Murphy didn’t want to stand him up either, he’d been so nice, he didn’t deserve to be stood up.....Murphy couldn’t do that to him, he wouldn’t do that to him, he’d meet Jonathan like they’d planned.

He glanced at his brother, Connor oblivious to his twin as he focused on what he was watching, shoving popcorn into his mouth, licking butter from his fingers. Murphy watched Connor’s tongue dart out from between his perfect lips & he thought of licking Connor’s fingers, putting them in his mouth & just sucking on them. Murphy quickly looked away before all his blood rushed to his dick, he wasn’t about to let himself think of Connor like that anymore, he had to be strong.

Jonathan, he’d focus on Jonathan. Murphy felt himself smile, he really did like Jonathan and the more he thought about him, the more he wanted to see him again. He liked everything about him, how he talked, how funny he was, how he looked. Other than Connor, Jonathan was the best looking guy Murphy had ever seen.

He wished he could ask Connor for advice, he didn’t know how he should act, should he let Jonathan kiss him if he tried? Or worse, what if Jonathan didn’t try at all, what should he do then?

Murphy was scared, he was scared something would happen between him & Jonathan, he was scared he’d fall in love with someone other than Connor. Deep down he didn’t want to love anyone other than Connor.....but deep down he knew it might happen. He could actually fall in love with Jonathan.

\------

Connor’s soft chuckle woke Murphy from his sleep the next morning.

“You having a good dream there, Murph?”

Murphy slowly opened his eyes, he was on his back with a raging hard-on making its presence known between his legs, his dick lifting his sheet straight into the air. He had been dreaming of sucking Connor’s buttery fingers which quickly turned into dreaming of sucking Connor’s huge dick.

Murphy rolled away from the sound of another amused chuckle from his brother, trying to hide what he knew Connor had seen.

“Don’t cum in your bed, Murph.”

“Fuck off, Connor,” Murphy mumbled, getting out of bed & moving to the bathroom as quick as he could. He kicked the door shut & shoved his hand past the waistband of his boxers, taking a firm hold of his dick. It practically jerked in his hand, his fingers wrapping around it, causing it to throb even harder. He moved his hand in a fast rhythm, pulling & twisting, his thumb gliding across the precum at the tip of his dick.

His other hand pushed his boxers off his body & he kicked them to the side, his eyes closing as he stroked himself. He tried not to think of Connor, it was bad enough he’d dreamt of him, but all he could think about was sucking Connor off, Connor’s dick between his lips, Connor cumming in his mouth.

He tried to stay silent, he tried not to make a sound, but his moan could not be contained & his voice echoed in the bathroom. His balls felt heavy with the need to shoot his load, his free hand gripping the edge of the sink, his breaths in hard gasps.

Murphy fell apart with the thought of tasting Connor’s cum, his own cum shooting from his dick in thick streams, covering his hand. He leaned over the sink, his hand still clutching his prick as it began to soften, and he cursed himself.

He couldn’t help that he dreamt of Connor, he couldn’t help that he got hard from that dream, it was beyond his control. But he shouldn’t have thought about blowing Connor after he woke up.....that he could have controlled, that he shouldn’t have done. Next time he’d think of Jonathan, it would be Jonathan’s face he’d picture looking down at him, it would be Jonathan’s prick he’d imagine sucking, not Connor’s.....Jonathan’s hot cum spurting in his mouth.....definitely not Connor’s.

“You done yet, Murph? I gotta take a piss.” Connor began banging on the door, jarring Murphy from his thoughts, his limp dick flopping free from his sticky grip.

“Don’t come in, Connor.” Murphy hastily turned on the water, rinsing his hand in the sink, washing the cum from his fingers. “Just a minute.”

“Hurry the fuck up in there. Just rinse your fucking hand & let me in.”

Connor must have heard.....even though Murphy tried to be quiet, Connor still probably heard. Murphy felt a blush begin as he pulled his boxers back on, quickly inspecting the floor, the wall, the side of the sink for any cum stains. He gave his body a glance in the mirror before moving to the door & pulling it open, practically knocking Connor down as he moved past him.

Connor smacked his arm as he walked by, “You better not have left any sticky remnants in there, Murph.”

Murphy glared at his brother, Connor could be such a fucking jerk sometimes, he just had to say some smart ass comment about what Murphy had just done. Before he could think of a witty retort, Connor disappeared into the bathroom, the door thumping shut behind him.

\------

“I need to talk to you, Murph. About tonight.”

Murphy had expected this conversation, he had wondered when Connor would finally get the nerve to say something. It was almost noon, it took him longer than he thought it would.

“I know all about tonight, Connor.”

Connor’s expression was priceless, Murphy had shocked him. “What?”

Murphy took a deep breath & braced himself to say the words he hated to even think about. “Katie’s coming over. And you’re gonna fuck her again.” He almost choked on the word ‘fuck.’

Connor’s eyes widened, he struggled to put the pieces together, his face reflecting confusion.

“It’s okay, Conn. You can fuck her all you want tonight.....I won’t be home. Just let me know what time she’ll be gone so I don’t walk in on you.”

Connor spoke slower than Murphy usually heard, his words soft as if he was trying to spare his brother’s feelings somehow. “She should be gone by midnight. How’d you know she was coming over, Murph? I don’t remember telling you.”

“You didn’t.....Katie told me.” Murphy actually enjoyed the surprised look on his brother’s face, Connor obviously had no idea what Katie had said to him. But then again, Connor didn’t know most of the things Katie said to Murphy.

“Oh. When?”

“Remember the other day when I tracked you down at school? When you were avoiding me?” Connor nodded, his eyes pained at the memory of how he had avoided his twin. “She told me to make myself scarce. So I’ll be scarce.”

“She actually said that to you?”

Murphy nodded, seeing anger in his brother’s eyes, anger directed at Katie. “You can have the house to yourself all night. I’ll make sure I don’t come home before midnight.”

“Oh.....thanks.” The awkward silence was unusual between the brothers, Connor wasn’t usually shocked into silence and Murphy didn’t feel like making an effort at talking, he was too angry about Katie and too nervous about Jonathan.

“I was actually going to ask if you wanted to go to dinner with us, before Katie comes over. I’m leaving about five.”

Shit.....Murphy hadn’t thought about Connor being in a restaurant on Saturday night. What if Murphy was at the same restaurant with Jonathan? What if Connor saw him?

“So where are you going?” Murphy asked, holding his breath, hoping it wasn’t a place Jonathan would be interested in.

“The usual.”

Murphy exhaled, Connor was a creature of habit, of course he’d go to his usual restaurant. Murphy would just make sure he & Jonathan didn’t go to the same place, he couldn’t run into his brother with his date. “Thanks, but I can’t. I have to be somewhere by seven & I can’t be late. But thanks all the same.”

Murphy tried to walk away before Connor would ask, Murphy knowing the question would come from his brother’s mouth, and he only took one step before the inevitable question was posed. “So what are your plans?”

Murphy stopped & shrugged.

“Don’t you know?”

Actually, Murphy didn’t know, he just knew he had plans. He had no idea what they would do, where they would go.....he only knew who he’d be with.

“I’m kind of playing it by ear.”

“I see. But you said you have to be somewhere by seven.....and you couldn’t be late. Sounds like something specific, Murph.”

Connor was such a bloodhound when he sensed his twin was hiding something, he would dissect everything Murphy said, he’d dig until he found his answers. But Murphy wasn’t about to let Connor know about Jonathan.

“Not really. I-I’m just meeting someone at seven, s’all. No big deal.”

Connor’s eyes narrowed, he could always tell when his twin was being evasive, and Murphy was definitely being evasive. “Who are you meeting?”

Murphy just knew Connor wouldn’t stop, he had to know every little fucking thing about his life, but this was none of his business. Murphy didn’t have a lie ready, he hadn’t thought one up yet that his brother would believe, and now he was backed into a corner. But Murphy knew how to get Connor to stop.

“Back the fuck off, Connor. Just be happy I’m letting you have the house to yourself so you can fuck your stupid girlfriend tonight.” Murphy hadn’t meant to sound so irate, he didn’t mean for his voice to be so loud, it just happened. Connor’s eyebrows went skyward, his mouth opened to respond but Murphy cut him off. “I really don’t need the third fucking degree from you so just back the fuck off.”

“Okay, Murph, okay. Sorry.”

Connor quietly left his brother alone, just like Murphy knew he would. He hated having to yell at Connor but he had no choice, he had to do it or Connor would have kept asking questions. But at least he got his twin to back off.....now he could focus on tonight, on his date.....on Jonathan.


	18. Suspicion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those that commented, gave kudos, and bookmarked as well as those that just stopped by to read. I wish I could give each one of you the MacManus of your choice. THANK YOU.

Murphy kept his eye on the clock, it was almost five, almost time for Connor to leave. Murphy could hear his brother bumbling around upstairs in their room & he hoped Connor wasn’t running late.

Murphy was meeting Jonathan at the bus stop at seven. It was a half hour walk and he didn’t want to be late, he didn’t want Jonathan to think he wasn’t coming, so he planned on leaving the house no later than 6:15, that way he’d be sure to be on time. He still had to shower & figure out what to wear and he couldn’t do that with Connor home, he’d ask too many questions.....questions Murphy didn’t want to answer.

He tried to relax on the couch but it was impossible, he was too nervous thinking about seeing Jonathan again. He thought about going upstairs to see if his brother was almost ready to leave but that might actually delay him, Connor would be suspicious & he’d wonder why Murphy was in a hurry to get rid of him. He was just about to pace once again when Connor came thumping down the stairs.....about fucking time.

“You sure you won’t change your mind & tag along, Murph? You could eat with us & then go do whatever it is you have planned. You have two hours before you have to meet whoever it is you’re meeting.”

Murphy knew this was Connor’s not so subtle way of trying to find out Murphy’s plans without directly asking, Connor could be so transparent sometimes. “No thanks Conn, maybe next time.”

Murphy glanced at the clock, it was now almost ten after five, he had to get Connor to leave, he had to get ready for his date. Why the fuck was Connor still standing there, just looking at him, why wasn’t he leaving?

Connor caught Murphy’s glance & he wondered why his twin seemed eager to have him leave, why he kept glancing at the clock.....something was definitely going on. “You have a hot date or something, Murph?”

“Huh?”

Connor smirked, Murphy looked almost guilty, almost like Connor hit the nail on the head. But that couldn’t be it, if Murphy had a date, why would he hide it? “You seem pretty nervous, like you’re hiding something from your big brother.”

This made Murphy laugh, a nervous little giggle almost, and he glanced down to Connor’s feet. “I’m not hiding anything, Connor. Honest.”

And there it was, Murphy’s tell-tale “lying to Connor” sign.....he was staring at Connor’s feet, something he always did when he fibbed to his brother. Combine that with the fact Murphy didn’t argue about being older and it was an open & shut case.....Murphy was obviously guilty. Now all Connor had to do was figure out what Murphy was lying about, what he was hiding.....and why.

“You fucking liar, I know you’re hiding something. What are you doing tonight that you don’t want me to know?”

Murphy couldn’t figure out how Connor knew he was lying, his voice sounded sincere, his words didn’t falter, he didn’t even stutter, not once. “I’m not lying.”

Connor tapped his foot a couple times, the fucking bastard, he was making a point. Murphy had to remember not to stare at Connor’s feet when he lied.

“You’re delusional, Connor, you really are.”

“All right, Murph.....all right. You’re just lucky I have to leave or I’d pin you to the floor & tickle it out of you.”

Murphy wanted to say something sarcastic but Connor would take that as a challenge & he might try to wrestle with him, Connor never could resist a challenge. And as much as Murphy liked rolling around on the floor with Connor, he really couldn’t spare the time right now. Connor cocked his head when Murphy just stood there, he had expected a ‘fuck off’ at least, but Murphy remained uncharacteristically quiet. He just wanted Connor to fucking leave already.

Connor moved slowly toward the door, his eyes still on Murphy, those eyes that knew he was hiding something, those eyes that Murphy still got lost in. “Guess I’ll go now, seeing as you still won’t tell me what you’re up to. But I will find out, Murph, you know you can’t keep secrets from me.”

That’s where Connor was wrong. Murphy had kept the biggest, most damaging secret from his twin, he kept secret the one thing he was too afraid to utter out loud. He had kept his love for Connor secret for years.

\------

His clothes were all shit, complete fucking shit.

Murphy rummaged through his dresser one more time, as if by some miracle the perfect shirt would present itself. He wanted to look nice for Jonathan, but everything he had was either ugly or didn’t fit right.....he hated every fucking thing he owned.

He slammed the drawer shut, his eyes falling on Connor’s dresser. Maybe Connor had something he could wear, they sometimes wore each other’s clothes, Connor wouldn’t mind.

Murphy found the perfect shirt in the first drawer & he pulled it out with a smile, smoothing it with his hand. He didn’t know why Connor hardly ever wore it, Murphy thought it was nice but Connor said it was too dressy. He placed it on his bed, stepping back & examining it. The shirt may be dressy, but for a first date Murphy thought it would be just right, classy even.

It was a long-sleeve, light purple dress shirt that fit Murphy like a glove, almost as if it were made just for him. He quickly pulled on his black pants & freshly shined shoes before struggling with his tie, wishing Connor were here to help him, Murphy never could get his tie right. After one final & failed attempt to control his unruly hair, he rushed from the house, eager to get to the bus stop, eager to meet Jonathan.

\------

Murphy glanced at his watch. Seven o’clock.....finally. Jonathan should be here anytime now.

Murphy arrived at the bus stop 20 minutes earlier and he’d been pacing with nervous energy ever since. Every time a car drove by, he’d hold his breath, hoping it would slow down & he’d see Jonathan’s smiling face behind the wheel. He didn’t even know what Jonathan drove, he hadn’t thought to ask, so he didn’t know what to look for. He was such a fucking idiot, he should have asked what kind of car Jonathan had, or at least what color it was.

His hand ran nervously over his tie, straightening it for the millionth time, before he looked up the street, seeing a white car slowly approach. He watched as it got closer and he took a deep breath to calm himself, hoping this car held his date. But like all the other cars before it, this car drove by without stopping.

Murphy looked around, not seeing any other cars, and a thought struck him. What if Jonathan stood him up? He didn’t have Murphy’s phone number & maybe he changed his mind, like Murphy himself had almost done, maybe Jonathan decided he wasn’t worth his time but had no way of reaching him.

That’s when Murphy realized how interested in Jonathan he really was.....he’d be disappointed if Jonathan blew him off, he wanted to spend time with him, get to know him, maybe even kiss him. He wondered what he’d be like to kiss, Jonathan had a nice mouth, his lips were almost pouty. With a mouth like that, Murphy was certain he’d be a good kisser, probably lots of tongue.

He glanced at his watch again, it was a couple minutes after seven & Jonathan still wasn’t here. He needed to calm the fuck down, Jonathan might just be running late, he might not have changed his mind, he might be on his way. He just needed to be patient, that’s all.

Jonathan was stopped at a traffic light less than a block from the bus stop, his eyes watching Murphy while he waited for the light to change. Murphy was looking in the other direction & Jonathan was relieved Murphy was actually there, he thought the boy might scare easy, but there he was.....waiting for Jonathan.

He couldn’t help but smile at how nervous Murphy was, how he kept pacing & running his hand through his hair, how he kept looking at his watch. Even from this distance, it was obvious Murphy was anxious, and Jonathan couldn’t keep his eyes off his date. The light changed & he slowly inched forward.

“Do you know where I can get some nice tomatoes?”

Murphy’s smile was instantaneous & he turned around, locking eyes with the driver of the car stopped behind him. Jonathan. He was here.....he didn’t stand Murphy  
up.....Jonathan was here.

“Hi.” Murphy gave a small wave, wanting to kick himself for not saying more than just a stupid ‘hi.’

There was that nice smile Murphy found so attractive, the smile Murphy wanted to see more of, the smile Murphy hoped would be on Jonathan’s face all night long. Jonathan accompanied that smile with a small wave of his own. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Murphy mumbled with a slight nod and a quick blush. Now he really wanted to kick himself, he sounded like a fucking idiot saying ‘hi’ again. “Sorry.”

Jonathan chuckled softly, waving his hand for Murphy to get in the car. “Don’t be sorry, just get in.” He watched as Murphy walked in front of the car, transfixed by the beautiful boy who was his date, his smile returning when Murphy sat next to him in the car.

With a quick scan of his eyes, Murphy took in his date. Jonathan was dressed to impress, a white silk shirt with French cuffs, a dark gray tie, silver cuff links & matching tie clip.....he was perfectly put together, not even a hair was out of place. 

Murphy felt a bit underdressed, a bit sloppy when compared to Jonathan, and he suddenly was self-conscious. He wasn’t even wearing his own best shirt, he had to wear Connor’s best shirt, which wasn’t nearly as nice as Jonathan’s. His tie wasn’t done right & he was certain his hair was sticking up, and when Jonathan told him he “cleaned up real nice,” Murphy couldn’t help but blush. He was unsure of what to say other than a quiet “you too,” which seemed to amuse his date.

“I was afraid you weren’t going to come,” Jonathan quietly said after Murphy buckled his seatbelt. “I really thought you wouldn’t be here.”

“I almost wasn’t,” Murphy admitted with a slight shrug. He thought about lying to Jonathan, it would have been easier just to lie, but he wanted to be as open & honest with him as he could be.....at least about everything except Connor.

Murphy spent most of his life living a lie.....lies about his feelings, lies to Connor, lies about being in love with Connor.....lies to everyone he knew, even to himself at times. Connor always said he was a shit liar, and he usually was, except over the years he’d gotten really good at hiding how he felt, so good that even Connor had no idea.  
But he was tired of lying, he was tired of being miserable, he was tired of crying all the time.....he just wanted someone to love him. It really wasn’t too much to ask, just someone to love him. And if it couldn’t be Connor, then maybe it could be Jonathan.

Murphy looked at his date.....really looked at him. Maybe Jonathan was the one Murphy waited his whole life for, maybe Jonathan really could love him, maybe Jonathan could even help him get over Connor.

“I’m glad you decided to take a chance, Murphy. I think we could have something really special.”

Murphy felt his heart speed up, maybe Jonathan was right, maybe this was the beginning of something really grand, really special, something life altering. Murphy nodded, wanting to say something but he was suddenly too nervous, his words were stuck in his throat, he’d probably be better off just saying “hi” again.

\------

“What is it with you and your brother?”

Connor had been listening to Katie complain for what felt like five years, wishing he had cotton for his ears, or a muzzle for her fucking mouth. She just went on and on, each word grinding on his nerves, and he tried to focus on his pizza instead of her infernal bitching. As he took another bite of pizza he smirked, “bitch” was certainly the right word.

“There’s nothing to smile about, Connor. Murphy is ruining our night.”

“He’s not even here, Katie,” Connor couldn’t help the annoyed tone in his voice because that’s what he was, annoyed. “I’m getting tired of you blaming everything on Murph. He didn’t do anything so just leave him alone.”

She stared at him for a moment and he stared right back, just waiting for her to say something else about his twin, daring her with his eyes. He knew she wasn’t done, he knew she’d say more and he waited for the inevitable.

This all started when Connor told her he wasn’t in the mood to fool around, Murphy was on his mind & he wanted to look for him instead. Katie’s face turned redder with each word Connor spoke, her face almost contorting into a grimace as he explained that his brother was acting funny, he was hiding something & Connor needed to find out what was going on. He needed to find Murphy & make sure he was okay.

“Seriously Connor, I think you two are obsessed with each other. It’s really weird how he stares at you all the time, like he can’t stand to have you out of his sight. And whenever he’s not with you, all you do is talk about him.....it’s always Murphy this and Murphy that. I’m really sick of your fucked up relationship with your fucked up brother.”

Connor couldn’t take it any longer, he really couldn’t, she had just crossed the line. No one was allowed to say Murphy was fucked up, no one, not even his girlfriend. Connor practically tossed his slice of pizza on his plate, wiping his hands on his napkin before balling it up & tossing it on the table. He thought about what Murphy said earlier, how Katie told him to make himself scarce, and he couldn’t help but wonder what else she said to his twin when he wasn’t around, what else she said that he hadn’t noticed or ignored.

There was always tension between Katie & Murph, since the day he introduced them. They both seemed jealous of the other, both vying for his attention, both barely maintaining a semblance of peace. The last time he broke up with Katie, it had been over Murphy. She had insisted he pick either his brother or her.....so he chose Murph. Of course, Murphy thought it was over something else, Connor telling him he’d just gotten sick of her & all her shit, which in essence was true. But then she’d begged his forgiveness, she swore she wouldn’t be jealous anymore, and he had taken her back. He could still picture the shattered look on Murphy’s face when Connor told him.

“Are you done talking shit about my brother?” His eyes were stone cold as he looked at her, reaching for his cola & slowly taking a sip, hoping the cold drink would somehow cool his boiling inner core. He returned the glass to the table with a gentleness that belied his burning rage, his primal instinct to defend Murphy taking over his subconscious. He was beginning to see Katie through different eyes, he was beginning to see a glimpse of what Murphy had first seen long ago.

“Why is it so important for you to find Murphy when he obviously doesn’t want you around? Take a fucking hint, Connor.”

“Why is it so important for you to run down my brother at every fucking opportunity? Are you that threatened by him?”

The look on her face confirmed what he had begun to suspect. Yes.....Katie was threatened by Murphy, threatened by his presence in Connor’s life, threatened by their closeness, their bond, their love. Murphy held a place in Connor’s heart that was irreplaceable, a place that was meant only for Murph, a place that was sacred & special. A place Katie could never be.

“I don’t like Murphy,” she finally admitted, although if Connor had paid attention, he would have already known this. “I never have and I never will.”

This was unfathomable to Connor, how could he even associate with someone who didn’t like Murphy? One word was uttered by the confounded boy, one question that he wanted her to answer. “Why?”

She shook her head as she looked at him like he was the stupidest person in the world. “Because I think he’s in love with you.”


	19. The Date

“What are you thinking?”

It was a simple question, really, but one Murphy didn’t want to answer. He knew Jonathan was watching him, waiting for his response, hoping he would say “yes.” Murphy chewed on his lip as his eyes avoided looking at his date, he didn’t want to tell him no, he really didn’t.....but he was too scared to say yes.

Jonathan had driven them to the marina, a smile on his face the entire way, telling Murphy he had something special planned just for them. Murphy watched his face as he drove, fascinated with how his eyes lit up as he talked, how he smiled when he glanced at Murphy, how his eyebrow raised when he said Murphy was making him nervous.

Murphy was so accustomed to watching Connor that he hadn’t realized he was staring so intently at Jonathan, it was just second nature to him. He mumbled a quiet “sorry” as he looked away, wanting to study his date a little longer but not wanting to make him any more uncomfortable. As they stopped at a red light, Murphy found himself hoping Jonathan didn’t think his staring was creepy.

“Hey.....I said you made me nervous. I never said I didn’t like you watching me,” Jonathan quietly said, drawing Murphy’s attention back to the handsome man. Murphy’s eyes were greeted with the warm smile that made him melt & he felt his heart thumping in his chest as Jonathan reached for his hand, his touch hesitant, almost cautious.

Jonathan’s hand was warm and his fingers stroked Murphy’s skin, drawing little circles across the back of his hand with a feathery touch. He watched the boy’s reaction, waiting for either the go ahead or the pull back, knowing it could go either way. Murphy looked down at their hands, surprised Jonathan’s touch was so gentle, considering how large his hands were. He watched the man’s fingers dance across his skin, marveling at how masculine his hand was, wondering how bold those fingers could be. Jonathan squeezed his hand gently, his fingers not wanting to leave Murphy’s skin anytime soon, his lingering touch full of affection.

When Murphy didn’t respond, Jonathan took his reaction as a negative, thinking Murphy didn’t like his touch. He reluctantly began to pull his hand away but was astonished when Murphy gripped his hand tightly, pulling it back & interlacing his fingers with Jonathan’s.

“I like your hands,” Murphy said in his softest voice, his gaze not rising to meet Jonathan’s eyes.

“I like _you _,” Jonathan squeezed his hand when he said the word ‘you,’ making Murphy smile, Jonathan tilting his head to see Murphy’s face.__

Jonathan drove the rest of the way to the marina with his hand clasped tightly in Murphy’s grip, their thumbs taking turns teasing each other’s skin with gentle strokes, Murphy occasionally laughing when Jonathan would pin his thumb to his hand.

“Cheater,” Jonathan said in mock anger when Murphy used both hands to pin Jonathan’s thumb down.

“S’not cheating, Jonathan. It’s called ingeniuity.”

Jonathan shook his head, trying to hide his smile as he kept his eyes trained on the road. He threw caution to the wind and lifted Murphy’s hand to his lips & gently kissed his skin, hearing the boy’s sudden intake of breath, knowing he had surprised him. He lowered Murphy’s hand to the car seat & chanced a glance at his passenger, relieved when he saw Murphy still staring at him with wide eyes and a small grin.

When they arrived at the marina, Jonathan pointed to the large paddleboat docked there, announcing he wanted to do something romantic on their date, so he was taking Murphy on board. He felt the immediate shift in Murphy’s mood, his date going from playful to withdrawn, his fingers no longer teasing Jonathan’s skin, his eyes watching the groups of people boarding the boat.

“What are you thinking?”

Murphy was thinking he was scared, he was thinking he wasn’t ready for this, he was thinking he wanted to go home.

“I.....I don’t know,” Murphy quietly whispered.

Murphy was familiar with the paddleboat, he’d often watch it travel across the water, dreaming one day he’d be on board. It was an extravagant vessel with ornate designs across the side and two large decks decorated with soft gleaming lights, reminding Murphy of an old movie he saw years ago. He lost count of the number of people he watched boarding, there had to be at least fifty people on board already, and he felt his stomach tighten.

It was as if Jonathan could see Murphy pulling back, like he could feel him withdrawing, curling up on himself. Jonathan knew this would be hard on him, he didn’t forget what Murphy told him, how “no one knew.” But he also knew if they had any hope as a couple, Murphy had to let go & trust him, he had to open up, and he had to talk to him.

“What’s wrong?” Jonathan shook his hand, pulling Murphy from his thoughts. “Don’t shut down on me.”

Murphy turned toward his date, toward his kind eyes, his kind smile, thinking of his promise to himself.....he’d be as honest with Jonathan as he could be. Glancing back at the boat, Murphy shrugged, “It just doesn’t feel.....it’s not.....it’s not _discreet _.”__

Murphy dropped his head, not wanting to see disappointment in his eyes, or possibly anger. Jonathan understood why Murphy was so hesitant, why he was scared. He gently explained to Murphy that he really was being discreet, Murphy wouldn’t know anyone on board, he promised. When Murphy shook his head & scoffed, Jonathan told him that tonight was for gay couples only, every guest on that ship was on a same sex date.....just like they were.

“Take a chance, Murphy.”

Jonathan was right, he had to take a chance or he’d be miserable & lonely the rest of his life. He’d already spent too much time bathed in heartache and pain, it was time for happiness.....maybe it was even time for love.

Murphy had a paddleboat to get on, he had a date to enjoy and he had a gorgeous man who wanted to be with him.

\------

Jonathan wasn’t wrong, Murphy didn’t see anyone he knew, every face was a stranger. He breathed a sigh of relief when they were seated at a cozy table for two with a stunning view of the setting sun through the large glass windows.

Jonathan watched him as he looked around in awe at the grandeur, at the sparkling crystal chandeliers, at the champagne fountain. Murphy had never been anywhere so fancy in all his life and he was impressed by the sheer majesty of it all.

“I’ll be right back,” Jonathan whispered in his ear & Murphy nodded, suddenly uncomfortable with the idea of being left alone. “I’m not going far.”

Murphy kept his eyes on his well-dressed date, watching him weave past the people not yet seated. Jonathan didn’t pause for those who tried to stop him for conversation and he didn’t stop until he reached the champagne fountain across the room. Jonathan glanced over his shoulder at Murphy, catching his eyes for a brief moment before he focused on filling two glasses with the bubbly liquid.

“We need to celebrate you taking a chance,” Jonathan told him upon his return, handing Murphy a glass & gently touching them together, a small ‘ting’ making them both smile. “Thank you for taking a chance with _me, _Murphy.”__

\------

“We have to feed each other,” Jonathan announced with a sly grin, spearing a large piece of fried zucchini with a fork. “That’s the rule. You’re only allowed to eat what I put in your mouth.”

Murphy couldn’t help but be pleased, Jonathan was more romantic than he ever could have hoped for. Murphy glanced at the plate between them, at the appetizer for two, trying to choose something his date might like.

Jonathan lifted his fork, the long piece of zucchini aimed toward Murphy’s mouth. “Open up.”

Murphy instantly blushed, seeing the glint in Jonathan’s eyes & the smirk on his lips. “Phallic symbols are beneath you,” he quietly said as he glanced at the fork.

“You dirty boy, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Jonathan hissed, his smirk turning into a smile as Murphy’s blush deepened. Jonathan reached for the small cup of buttermilk dressing, dipping the end of the zucchini into the cup & again lifting the fork toward Murphy’s mouth. “Hungry?”

Murphy glanced at the fork, watching the creamy white dip run down the length of the zucchini. He couldn’t help his deepening blush, Jonathan called him a dirty boy but he wasn’t the one being so suggestive.

Murphy enjoyed this side of Jonathan, he enjoyed the flirtation, the teasing, the sexual innuendo. Murphy leaned forward, opening his mouth, waiting to be fed.

Murphy’s eyes never strayed from Jonathan’s face but Jonathan’s eyes dropped to his mouth as he moved the fork closer to the boy’s parted lips. Murphy expected him to put the end of the zucchini in his mouth but that’s not what Jonathan did. Instead, Jonathan ran the tip of the zucchini across Murphy’s bottom lip, smearing the dip over his mouth. Murphy leaned forward a bit more, trying to capture the food with his mouth, but Jonathan pulled it back too quickly.

“Oh no you don’t,” Jonathan laughed with a slight shake of his head. “Be patient. You have to wait for me to put it in your mouth.”

With quick swipes of his tongue, Murphy licked his bottom lip clean, causing Jonathan to pause briefly & watch. Murphy knew how it must have looked & he rather enjoyed giving as good as he was getting, smiling at how the tables were so easily turned without him really trying.

Jonathan quickly recovered, dipping the fork once more into the cup, gathering more dressing on the end of the zucchini. “I have to start all over now, seeing as you’re trying to cheat again like you did in the car.”

“Ingenuity, Jonathan.”

“Cheating, Murphy.”

The fork was again angled toward the boy’s lips & Murphy opened his mouth, waiting as patiently as he could.

“Behave,” Jonathan warned with a devilish smile, moving the zucchini toward Murphy, gently running it along his mouth before sliding it between his lips. “Eat.”

Murphy closed his mouth around the food & Jonathan withdrew the fork, watching Murphy chew slowly. Murphy licked his lips, tasting the richness of the buttermilk, and he smiled. “S’good,” he mumbled with a nod & raised eyebrows, reaching for his napkin to wipe the excessive dip from his mouth.

“Let me get that for you.”

Murphy froze as Jonathan used his thumb to wipe a streak of the dip from the corner of Murphy’s mouth. Jonathan looked at his thumb before licking it clean, with a slowness Murphy found incredibly erotic. “You’re right. It’s very good.”

“And you said I was the dirty boy.”

Jonathan’s thumb again stroked across Murphy’s mouth, removing more of the thick dip. “Was I wrong?”

Murphy hesitated, his words forgotten as he watched Jonathan’s tongue glide over his thumb, the whiteness of the dip a stark contrast with the redness of his tongue. Jonathan smiled, repeating the process a third time to Murphy’s great delight and growing discomfort.

“You need to stop that.” Murphy didn’t need much for an erection to begin and Jonathan’s antics were causing a torturous hardening in his pants. He shifted in his seat, feeling the thickness of his growing excitement pressing against his zipper, and he quickly wiped his mouth with his napkin to prevent Jonathan from teasing him further.

Jonathan was watching his face closely, unsure if he went too far too fast, not wanting to ruin something before it even began. He knew Murphy enjoyed the little teasing he had done, he could tell by how his eyes danced with excitement, how his smile never faded, how he eagerly joined in. But Jonathan was afraid he went a bit too far, maybe he was a bit too sexual for a first date.

Murphy noticed his concerned look & he shrugged with a slightly impish grin. “It’s okay. I just need to cool off, you know?”

Jonathan couldn’t help but nod.....he needed to cool off too.

\------

They walked along the upper deck, Jonathan taking Murphy by the hand as he led him to the railing, the cool night air blowing their hair. Jonathan began pointing out landmarks, the dock where they started, the lighthouse, the church tower. Murphy was fascinated, he’d never seen his hometown from this vantage point & he couldn’t help but think of how Connor would love to see this as well.

Shit.....he couldn’t believe he just thought of Connor, not with Jonathan right next to him, what the fuck was wrong with him? Connor was probably balls deep in Katie right now, fucking her brains out, and Murphy’s thinking about how much Connor would like the fucking view from the boat.

“You okay?”

Murphy nodded as he turned to look at Jonathan. He really did look a lot like Connor, especially in the moonlight. Murphy took a deep breath, banishing all thoughts of Connor from his mind, he wouldn’t think of his brother while he was on a date with another man, he wouldn’t.....Jonathan deserved better than that.

“So what do you think of the boat?” Jonathan asked, trying to distract Murphy from whatever thought had just invaded their time together. He wanted Murphy’s full attention, he didn’t want to settle for anything less.

Murphy glanced over his shoulder, his eyes quickly scanning the boat. “Impressive.”

“And what do you think of me?”

Murphy’s focus shifted back to Jonathan before his eyes shyly darted out to sea. “Even more impressive.”

\------

“It’s after one, Murphy, I’m not leaving you at a bus stop in the middle of the night. It’s not happening.”

Murphy rolled his eyes toward the heavens. At this moment Jonathan sounded just like Connor, right down to the way he said his name. “We agreed.”

“No, we only agreed I’d pick you up at the bus stop. We never discussed me not driving you home.”

Shit. Jonathan was right, they’d never discussed what would happen after their date. “I’m a big boy, Jonathan. I’m capable of walking home all by myself.”

Jonathan suddenly pulled over to the side of the road, putting the car in park & turning toward Murphy. He waited in silence for a good minute, his eyes glued to Murphy’s shadowed face, waiting for him to say something.

Murphy was shocked that Jonathan pulled over, they weren’t in town yet & it would be too far for Murphy to walk home if he got out of the car now. He angled his head away from Jonathan, knowing he was watching and waiting, and he stared out the window at nothing.....he could outlast Jonathan if he had to.

“Oh my God, Murphy.” It was like Connor was next to him in the car instead of Jonathan, their voices sounded exactly the same when they were annoyed with him. Murphy didn’t respond, he continued to stare out the window & Jonathan finally realized Murphy wasn’t going to look at him. “You’re so stubborn.”

Murphy shook his head, this was nothing, this wasn’t even close to being stubborn. If Jonathan wanted to see stubborn, Murphy could give him stubborn.

He heard Jonathan take a slow breath and when Jonathan spoke again, his voice was entirely different.....his voice was gentle, patient, pleading. His soft tone took Murphy by surprise & easily melted his stubborn facade.

“Murphy. I just don’t feel comfortable leaving you out here all alone. It’s late.....please let me drive you home.”

Murphy finally looked away from the dark nothingness, his eyes cast downward, his own voice as soft as Jonathan’s. “Can’t you just drop me off at the bus stop? I’ll be fine, I promise.”

“Please look at me.”

Murphy didn’t want to look at him but his desire to be stubborn disappeared when Jonathan spoke so gently to him.

“Come on, look at me.”

He tried to look annoyed, he tried to look angry but all he looked was scared. And Jonathan knew it.

“Are you afraid your family will see me and ask questions?”

Murphy nodded, Jonathan seeing how sad his eyes looked, even in the dim light from the dashboard. “They don’t know.”

“You could just say I’m a friend.”

Murphy shook his head, knowing Jonathan was only trying to help. “That wouldn’t work. My brother knows all my friends, he’d wonder why he didn’t know you too. He’d ask a lot of questions, I know he would. Plus he’d wonder why I was dressed up just to hang out with a friend.”

Jonathan wanted to ask Murphy about his brother, this was the first he mentioned having a sibling & Jonathan was curious about him & their relationship. He filed his questions away for a better time, a time when Murphy wasn’t so worked up.

“You should just leave me at the bus stop. I really will be fine.”

Jonathan had already decided he wasn’t about to do that, no matter what Murphy’s argument was. His mind raced to come up with a solution to this problem, a solution Murphy would accept & one they would both be comfortable with.

“How about this? I won’t leave you at the bus stop & I won’t take you home either.”

After a pause, Murphy mumbled, “Sounds fucked up.”

Jonathan couldn’t help but laugh, his tension completely gone when Murphy finally agreed to being dropped off down the street from his house. Twenty minutes later, Jonathan pulled over to the side of the road, parking next to a large tree.

Jonathan turned the engine off & Murphy didn’t know what to do next, the first awkward silence of the night filling the car. He thought Jonathan would have kissed him by now, or at least tried, but he never made a move. Murphy wondered if maybe Jonathan had no desire to kiss him, maybe he just didn’t want to.

Murphy pointed to a lit house in the distance, the only house they could see from where they were parked. “That’s where I live.”

Jonathan craned his neck to see where Murphy pointed. “Looks like someone is still up.”

“No, probably not. My Ma wouldn’t be home yet & my brother’s girlfriend is supposed to be long gone by now. He’s probably sleeping after all the fucking they did.”

Jonathan looked back at Murphy, surprised by his angry tone, wanting to ask why he was upset about what his brother did that evening. Moonlight was streaming through the windshield & he could see the expression on Murphy’s face but he wasn’t able to determine what that expression meant.

“I should go,” Murphy’s words were reluctant, his voice sounding disappointed.

Jonathan was out of the car before Murphy realized it, he didn’t expect him to leave the vehicle and he slowly opened his car door, wondering what Jonathan was doing.

Jonathan motioned for him to come closer & when Murphy reached his side, Jonathan took him by the hand & began to lead him toward his house. Murphy stopped, pulling back, “What are you doing?”

Jonathan took a step closer to the wide eyed young man, close enough that Murphy could smell his cologne, close enough that Murphy could feel his body heat. “Take a chance, Murphy.”

Murphy’s body relaxed, he’d taken a lot of chances since he first met Jonathan. Each chance had been difficult but each one made him happy, each one brought him closer to the man tenderly holding his hand, each one felt right.

“Okay.” That one word was barely heard over the sound of the crickets but Jonathan didn’t miss it. It was the best word he heard all night.

Jonathan pulled on his hand, leading Murphy away from the car & crossing the dirt road. They walked along the berm toward Murphy’s house before Jonathan led him off the road, moving between the trees & stopping under a large tree halfway between the car & the house.

Murphy glanced at his house before looking at the man standing in front of him, Jonathan moving closer, his spicy cologne filling Murphy’s nose. He could barely see Jonathan in the darkness, the trees creating shadows, but he didn’t need light to know Jonathan was there. Jonathan’s free hand moved to lightly touch Murphy’s face, his fingers barely making contact with his skin, and there in the dark, Murphy realized just how discreet Jonathan could be.

Jonathan slid his hand from Murphy’s face, resting his hand on Murphy’s chest, and Murphy felt like he would die if Jonathan didn’t kiss him soon. Jonathan stroked Murphy’s tie lazily before looping the silky garment around his hand, pulling Murphy closer by his tie.

“Come here.” He gave a strong yank on the tie & Murphy was pulled hard against Jonathan’s body, his body blazing hot against the strong man. Jonathan’s mouth was inches from Murphy’s and Jonathan paused, keeping their lips from touching, their heated breath mixing together. Just when Murphy was about to lose his mind, Jonathan finally pressed his lips to Murphy’s.

The kiss was nothing like Murphy expected. Murphy had never kissed a man before, Jonathan was his very first and it was so much better than he ever thought it could be.

Murphy had been kissed only twice before, and both by girls. The first was at school when he knew Connor would see and the second was at a party when Connor was making out with Katie right next to him. Neither kiss had been enjoyable, neither excited him and neither kiss was commented on by his brother.

But Jonathan’s kiss made him feel..... _hot, _like his blood was on fire, like his temperature rose a thousand degrees with the first brush of Jonathan’s lips across his mouth.__

Murphy wanted more.

Jonathan moved his mouth leisurely against Murphy’s lips, smiling when Murphy opened his mouth to him. His tongue teased Murphy’s lips before finally sliding into his mouth, Murphy’s tongue eagerly greeting it. Jonathan was not surprised in the least by the sweetness he found, thoroughly enjoying the sensual mouth he was finally tasting.

Jonathan held Murphy in place with a tight grip on his tie, not allowing the boy to lean away from him, not that Murphy would even entertain that notion. Murphy’s hand gripped Jonathan’s bicep tightly and just as Jonathan deepened the kiss, a tiny whimper of pleasure reached Jonathan’s ears.

Murphy couldn’t get enough, he wanted even more, his hunger for Jonathan’s mouth insatiable. He sucked on Jonathan’s tongue as every bit of blood in his body pumped toward his prick, stiffening it for the second time tonight. He knew Jonathan couldn’t miss the hardness pressed against him but he was too worked up, too overheated, too fucking turned on to be concerned.

Jonathan’s tongue left Murphy’s mouth just seconds before his lips were released, Murphy’s mouth clinging to Jonathan’s, not wanting him to pull away. Murphy was practically panting, his chest heaving and Jonathan relaxed his grip on his tie.

“You okay?”

Murphy was only capable of moaning a quiet affirmation, dropping his head slightly as he tried to compose himself & catch his breath. Jonathan released his tie, his hand smoothing it against Murphy’s damp shirt, feeling the boy’s pounding heart under his hand. Jonathan was surprised Murphy’s grip on his bicep never lessened, his fingers still digging into his skin even after the kiss ended.

“I want to see you again, Murphy.”

“When?” Murphy whispered in response, still not able to breathe normally.

Jonathan gently kissed his lips, “It’s already Sunday now, so later today. I want you to come to a cookout with me. It’ll be discreet, I promise.”

Murphy knew what that meant, it meant it would be safe for them to be together, they wouldn’t have to hide, they could even kiss if they wanted.

“Say yes.”

Murphy lifted his head, not wanting this night to end but eagerly looking forward to waking up and seeing Jonathan again. “Yes.”


	20. Where ya been?

“Where ya been, Murph?”

Murphy jumped at the soft sound of Connor’s voice, he thought his brother was asleep, not sitting in their room in the dark. Murphy turned toward Connor’s bed, barely able to see the shadowy figure of his twin as Connor reached for the lamp on the nightstand. A quiet click of the light illuminated their bedroom and Murphy wished he had thought to take his tie off, he would have hidden it in his pocket if he thought for one minute Connor would be waiting up for him.

“Fuck, Connor. You sacred the shit out of me,” Murphy mumbled quietly.

Murphy couldn’t help but wonder why Connor wasn’t sleeping, why he wasn’t exhausted after his extra-curricular activities with Katie, why he was sitting on his bed just staring at him.

Connor’s eyes focused on Murphy, widening when he noticed how his twin was dressed, his eyebrows lifting in surprise. Murphy hated dressing up, he rarely wore a tie and when he did, he had to be forced by their mother. Connor couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Murphy looking so nice, so put together, so _handsome._

__Murphy was suddenly nervous under his brother’s gaze, he wasn’t used to Connor looking at him so intently, studying him.....almost as if he were seeing him for the very first time. Connor had the most expressive eyes Murphy had ever seen, he could stare into those eyes for days & be perfectly happy, but this look in his brother’s eye was somehow different. It was a look Murphy had never seen before, it was a look he didn’t know how to interpret, it was a look that made him fidget in place._ _

__Murphy ran his hand through his hair as he pivoted from foot to foot, wondering what to do, wondering what was going on in Connor’s head, wondering why he was fucking staring at him. Usually by now Connor would have made a joke of some kind, a typical smart-ass comment accompanied by a raise of his eyebrow & a smirk on his face. But when Connor didn’t do that, when he merely sat watching Murphy with strangely emotional eyes, Murphy could only stare back in confusion._ _

__Connor’s eyes dropped to Murphy’s rumpled tie, his brow furrowing when he noticed how wrinkled it was in comparison with the rest of his twin’s clothes. Murphy followed Connor’s eyes & looked downward, noticing for the first time how bunched up his tie was, how creased & practically twisted it was from Jonathan’s tight grip. He quickly pulled on the knot at his throat, undoing his tie & pulling it from his neck as Connor lifted his eyes back to his younger brother’s face._ _

__“Where ya been?” Connor asked again, his voice as quiet as the first time he’d asked._ _

__Murphy turned away, placing his tie on his dresser as casually as he could, hoping Connor wouldn’t say anything about how he was dressed. “I was scarce, Connor, just like I was told to be.”_ _

__“Not by me.”_ _

__Murphy shook his head, sometimes Connor just didn’t get it. “Might as well have been you. S’not like you said any different, right?”_ _

__“No.....I guess I didn’t.” Connor stared at Murphy’s back for a moment before his eyes were drawn to the dresser where Murphy’s fingers fumbled with his tie. “You look really nice tonight, Murph. How come you’re all dressed up?”_ _

__Murphy should have known that question was coming, Connor was the most curious person Murphy knew, Connor just had to know everything. It was probably killing him not to know what Murphy was up to, what he’d been doing, who he’d been with._ _

__“Well, Murph?”_ _

__All Connor got was a shrug of Murphy’s shoulders, Murphy wasn’t prepared with any sort of fabrication and he certainly couldn’t tell Connor the truth. Murphy’s fingers kept fiddling with his tie as he tried to think of something to tell his curious brother, something believable, something to make him back off._ _

__“Is that my shirt?”_ _

__Murphy glanced down at the shirt before turning back to look at his brother, his curious brother, his dying to know what was going on brother. “I didn’t think you’d mind if I borrowed it.”_ _

__“’Course not. You can borrow anything you want, you know that.”_ _

__Murphy nodded, wishing Connor would stop looking at him in that weird way, it was making him uncomfortable. But Connor didn’t stop, he didn’t look away, he just continued to watch Murphy. It was a strange sensation to be examined so closely by someone who knew him so well yet knew nothing about how he really felt or what he was really all about._ _

__“I looked for you tonight, Murph. I looked everywhere. Where were you?”_ _

__Murphy was confused, Connor should have been busy fucking Katie, not looking for him. Murphy looked at Connor’s bed, remembering how it looked that time after Connor had been fucking, how messed up it was, how the blanket & sheets had looked. Connor’s bed didn’t look anything like that now, it wasn’t messed up in the least, it was still neat.....just like Connor had left it that morning._ _

__“Why were you looking for me? Didn’t you come back here? With Katie?”_ _

__Connor shook his head ‘no,’ surprising Murphy, he never expected Connor not to have fucked the witch. Murphy suppressed a smile, he couldn’t help but feel happy but he didn’t want Connor to see. _ _Connor didn’t fuck her._ _____

____“Oh…..why not? Did something happen?”_ _ _ _

____That strange look was back on Connor’s face, the intensity had returned, deep emotion reflected in his steady gaze. Murphy wanted to look away but he couldn’t, Connor’s eyes held him steadfast._ _ _ _

____“She said some really crazy shit tonight, Murph. About you.”_ _ _ _

____An icy cold chill went through Murphy, fear gripping his heart, ice forming in his veins. Murphy was afraid of what Katie might have said, what poison she might have told Connor, what possible truths she might have inadvertently exposed._ _ _ _

____“Yeah? Like what?”_ _ _ _

____Connor didn’t respond at first but Murphy could see in his eyes that he was debating with himself, trying to decide if he should tell Murphy what was said, trying to decide if he even believed it. “Doesn’t matter.....it was a bunch of fucking shit anyway.”_ _ _ _

____Murphy felt relieved, it couldn’t be that serious if Connor wouldn’t tell him what was said. It was meaningless, it was nothing, it was fucking shit.....just like Connor said._ _ _ _

____“Murph? Where were ya tonight? I really need to know.” Connor’s voice was pleading, it held a little desperation and a lot of anxiety. Murphy could see Connor holding his breath as he waited for a response, almost as if he were afraid of what Murphy might say._ _ _ _

____Murphy couldn’t come up with anything to explain why he was dressed up, why he was out on a Saturday night wearing a tie, so he settled on a piece of the truth._ _ _ _

____“I had a date tonight, Conn.”_ _ _ _

____Connor almost looked relieved, or maybe he was upset, it was hard to tell. A smile was on his lips but that smile didn’t reach his eyes.....instead, his eyes looked sad, at least to Murphy anyway. Connor’s reaction puzzled his brother even more. “Really? Who’d you go out with?”_ _ _ _

____Murphy wanted to say _‘Jonathan,’ _but bit his tongue to prevent his name from leaving his lips. Instead, Murphy muttered the only name he could think of, a name Connor would be happy with, the name of someone Connor had never spoken to.....a _ _safe_ _name._____ _ _ _

________“Charlotte.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________All Murphy could come up with was a variation of the truth, a twisting of reality, a partial lie. He told Connor he’d been on a date, he just wasn’t honest about who he was with.....was that so bad? He was actually proud of himself as well, he remembered not to look at Connor’s feet when he lied._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Charlotte? From the movies? That cute girl who couldn’t stop staring at you?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Murphy nodded, feeling guilty for lying about a girl that was nothing but nice to him, a girl he could tell had a crush on him, a girl he knew would say yes if he asked her out. But Charlotte was a good lie, Connor barely even knew who she was, he’d never spoken with her, he’d never find out Murphy had lied about taking her out._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Connor suddenly stood & moved quickly to his side, putting his arm around his shoulder & squeezing tight. “Good for you, Murph. I told you she’d be a fine way to spend your time until your tall sexy blonde showed up. I’m glad you listened to your wise older brother.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Connor was suddenly acting like his old self again, he was back to normal in the blink of an eye.....all because Murphy told him he took Charlotte out. Murphy never understood Connor, never understood his moods, why the weirdest things seemed to matter to him when in reality, they were nothing but falsehoods._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“When are you going to see her again?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________This couldn’t have worked out any better, it was an ideal situation, completely flawless. Charlotte was a great lie, she’d be Murphy’s excuse.....Murphy would say he was with Charlotte when in reality, he’d be with Jonathan. Connor would never know.....everyone would be happy. It was perfect._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Tomorrow. She invited me to a cookout.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________\------_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You’re not excused, Murphy. I don’t care if you have a million girls waiting for you, you’ll spend Sunday brunch with your family.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Connor had tried to plead his case, telling their Ma all about how Murphy had a girl to go out with, how she was waiting for him, how Murphy _really _had to leave. But Ma wouldn’t hear of it, she loudly told Connor to stop arguing with her on the Lord’s day because she wasn’t about to relent. Connor was about to continue, he wasn’t about to back down, until Murphy told him it was fine.....he’d stay.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________But it wasn’t fine. It was almost noon & Jonathan was already at the cookout, he’d be waiting for Murphy to arrive. Jonathan wanted to pick Murphy up at the bus stop like he had for their date the night before but Murphy wouldn’t let him, church wouldn’t be done in time, he wouldn’t be able to sneak away. So instead, Murphy got the address & planned to take the bus, telling Jonathan he would be there by one._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________But it was already noon & Murphy was completely fucked, he had no way of letting Jonathan know what was going on. Brunch hadn’t even begun yet and Ma wouldn’t let him leave. Murphy bit his lip, wondering how late he would actually be, hoping Jonathan would understand._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Uncle Sibeal had a nice family brunch for them every Sunday down at the Anvil and he’d often tell them stories while they ate. Normally, Murphy loved spending Sunday brunch at the pub, it was fun hanging out with Connor & sneaking beer. But not today.....today Murphy had a date, today he had Jonathan waiting for him across town. Today Murphy wanted to get the fuck out of there._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Connor brought him another beer after they ate, trying to lighten Murphy’s mood, trying to help time pass a little quicker for his twin._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Don’t worry, Charlotte’s got the hots for you. She’ll understand, Murph.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Murphy lifted his eyebrows, hearing his brother call Jonathan “Charlotte” would be funny if he weren’t trapped at the pub, he might actually laugh if he were on his way to meet Jonathan this very minute. Murphy hoped Connor was right, he hoped Jonathan really would understand, he didn’t know what he’d do if he didn’t._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Murphy glanced at the clock, it was past three, he was now officially two hours late. He quickly downed the beer, glancing at their mother who was doing shots with their uncle, wishing she’d take pity on him & let him leave. She wasn’t quite drunk enough to let him leave though, not yet anyway, and he looked back at his brother. Connor was watching him almost as intently as he had the night before, that strange look in his eye once again, his eyes focused on his brother in a way that made Murphy sweat._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“What, Connor? You’re staring at me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Connor quickly looked away, almost like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He took a quick drink of his dark ale before wiping his mouth on his sleeve. “I guess I was. Sorry, Murph, I didn’t mean to stare. I just have a lot to think about.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Murphy couldn’t help but wonder if Connor was referring to whatever Katie had said.....about him. He was dying to know why Connor’s demeanor was different, what made Connor’s eyes look different when they connected with his. But especially.....Murphy was desperate to know why Connor was now the one staring._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	21. Anger and Consequence

It was after five when Murphy was finally allowed to leave the pub but by that time, it didn’t fucking matter anymore. The last bus was long gone, it was too far to walk to where Jonathan was waiting and Murphy had no way of reaching him to explain.

Murphy had stood him up. Not intentionally, but Jonathan wouldn’t know that.....all he’d know is Murphy had promised to be there but never showed. He was certain Jonathan would be hurt, he would be confused, he probably would be angry as well. And Murphy wouldn’t blame him, not one bit.

It was all Murphy’s fault. Jonathan wanted to exchange phone numbers but Murphy was too scared. He was scared Connor would find Jonathan’s number and ask questions. He was scared Jonathan would call his house, even though he promised not to. He was scared somehow it would get fucked up. And that’s what happened, it got fucked up, just not in the way Murphy feared. If only he had listened to Jonathan, if he had just taken his number, he would have been able to reach him & explain.

But instead, he stood him up. Instead, he hurt him. Instead, he’d fucked it up.

Murphy had been forced to stay where he didn’t want to be so he sat angrily glaring at anyone within eyesight, everyone was fair game. Everyone except Connor. Connor alone was exempt.

Murphy could feel his mood dipping as his anger rose, his fingers digging at the wooden table while his family talked & laughed around him. Connor was the only thing preventing Murphy from going into a blind rage, his fury was growing for the past hour and he was now dangerously close to erupting. If Connor hadn’t been there watching him so closely, Murphy would surely have gone off by now.

Murphy could feel Connor’s eyes on him & whenever his gaze would roam in Connor’s direction, he’d see his twin silently looking back at him, smiling at him, staring at him. Connor’s eyes didn’t seem to stop watching, they stayed glued to his twin almost as if studying him for some reason. Connor had been acting strange all day and if they were alone, if they had any privacy at all, Murphy would have asked Connor what the fuck was going on.

But instead, Murphy stayed silent. Glaring at everyone except Connor.

Murphy watched his mother drink, he ignored her slurred admonishments to stop pouting, he did his best to not stare at the clock as time continued to slip away, as Jonathan slipped away. Each minute felt like an eternity, every tick of the clock made his heart ache, not just for himself but for the man across town who wouldn’t understand why Murphy wasn’t there. The later it got, the more agitated Murphy became, knowing all the while Jonathan would be waiting for him to arrive.

Connor wanted him to stay at the pub, he told Murphy he’d sneak him all the beer he wanted, he practically begged Murphy to stay. But as much as he loved Connor, as much as he wanted to be with him every minute of his life, he just couldn’t stand to be in the pub one minute longer than necessary, he had to get the fuck out of there.

As soon as his Ma told him he was free to go, Murphy practically vaulted from his chair & left in a huff, slamming the door on his way out. He heard Connor’s voice calling after him but he ignored his brother, storming down the street & away from the pub.

As he walked home, he could feel his anger building, it was growing & multiplying, and he was having trouble containing it. He kicked angrily at the stones in the dirt road, trying to send them flying through the air as if by doing this, his anger would be quashed. But his anger didn’t diminish, instead it blazed hotter, more intense.

All he wanted was to feel how he felt last night, with Jonathan.

Murphy was happy last night, he had a grand time with Jonathan, especially under the tree.....that was Murphy’s favorite part of the date. Everything under the tree was perfect.....a perfect touch, a perfect kiss, a perfect man.

He liked how Jonathan touched him, he was tender, like Murphy was something to treasure & keep safe. Their kiss had been amazing, Jonathan’s mouth was sweet but demanding, and his lips left Murphy wanting so much more. Jonathan made him feel special, he felt like Jonathan wanted him, _really wanted him,_ like a lover would want him.

When Murphy woke this morning, he’d been filled with optimism and hope, probably for the first time in years. He had something to look forward to, he was actually excited for the day to begin, he had a man who made him smile.

But now it was ruined. It was completely fucked up. He’d probably never see Jonathan’s face again, he’d never feel his hand on his body, he’d never again taste his lips.

Murphy broke into a run, as fast as he could, his legs pumping, his heart pounding, his body sweating. He ran until he was out of breath and then he ran harder, not knowing why he felt the need to do so. His vision blurred from the sweat running into his eyes, but still he ran. His leg muscles burned, but still he ran. He couldn’t breathe, but still he ran. He ran until the ground was suddenly meeting his knees, his hands, his face.

His body skidded across the gravel, his jeans ripping at the knees, his skin ripping at his palms. A dirt plume signaled the end of his motion but the beginning of his pain, physical pain at least, and he coughed quietly in the dirt as the dust cloud settled over his body.

After the initial pain relented and his coughing diminished, he sat up slowly, looking at his burning palms. Gravel and dirt were imbedded in his bloody skin & he resisted the urge to wipe his hands on his pants, knowing it wouldn’t help to do so. He felt the trickle of blood run from his knees and soak into his jeans, ruining what were his best pair.

He stood on shaky legs, feeling like he’d been kicked by a pissed off elephant, his muscles screaming. His fingers went to his cheek, relieved that he felt only a slight opening of his skin, and he began to head toward home, albeit much slower than before.

Murphy was almost home when he heard the car, the loud engine revving as it approached from behind, and he moved to the side of the road to let it pass. The car got dangerously close & he jumped back as it screeched to a stop in front of him, cutting across his path. As the dust cleared, the driver got out of the car & slowly moved toward the stunned boy.

“Jonathan?”

“Why’d you stand me up?”

Murphy’s mouth hung open, he never expected Jonathan to come looking for him, to practically run his car off the road right in front of him. Jonathan continued his approach as Murphy gawked, his mind trying to wrap around the situation, trying to figure out what the fuck Jonathan was doing here.

When Jonathan reached him, he planted his hands on Murphy’s shoulders with a firm squeeze. Murphy stared into his eyes, too shocked to say anything, too shocked to even move. After a moment, Jonathan’s hands slid to Murphy’s chest, grabbing a tight hold of his t-shirt, bunching the material between his fingers. He pulled Murphy close to his body and Murphy’s hands instinctively went to Jonathan’s forearms, gripping the man’s muscles tightly as Jonathan stared into his eyes.

Jonathan held him in that position for a few moments and Murphy didn’t resist, he didn’t struggle, he didn’t pull away. He just held on to Jonathan & stared back, seeing in his eyes pain, confusion.....desire. Murphy couldn’t look away, not from those eyes that reflected such need and hunger. His hands shifted over Jonathan’s taut muscles, his heart pounding in his chest, his mouth suddenly dry.

Jonathan’s voice was soft but his hands remained gruff, his fingers clenched, his eyes pained. “Why’d you stand me up, Murphy?”

Murphy swallowed the lump in his throat, feeling terrible for being the one to inflict that look in those eyes. “I didn’t want to but I just couldn’t leave.”

Murphy’s words hung in the air as Jonathan considered what he said, Murphy waiting for his grip to relax but instead, he felt Jonathan’s fingers tighten further. Jonathan swung Murphy around like he weighed nothing, pressing Murphy’s back against the car and flattening his body against the startled boy, easily pinning him, their faces inches apart.

It didn’t hurt what Jonathan did to him, there was no pain involved, only shock. Murphy wasn’t afraid of Jonathan, he wasn’t upset by the manhandling, he actually understood it. He could see the emotion in Jonathan’s eyes, he could hear it in his voice, he could feel it in his grip.

“Were you with Connor?”

How could he answer that and not lie? He couldn’t tell Jonathan he was with Connor, not without explaining that Connor was his brother.....his brother who he had been in love with.

“Answer me.” Jonathan’s eyes had widened imperceptibly when Murphy didn’t respond and he couldn’t help but shake Murphy slightly, not hurting him, just startling him back to the present. His next few words were disjointed, staccato, firm. “Were you. With..... _Connor?”_

“I was with my family, Jonathan.....my Ma & my brother.” Murphy was purposefully vague, he didn’t deny he was with Connor, he lied by omission.

“Anyone else?”

“My uncle. We were at his pub, The Anvil.”

Murphy felt the fingers against his chest slacken, his shirt loosening in Jonathan’s grip, the man relaxing against his body. “Why’d you stand me up?”

Murphy’s words practically sputtered as he tried to explain, feeling desperation in his gut, trying not to lose Jonathan to a misunderstanding. “My Ma.....she wouldn’t let me leave. I’m sorry, I tried. You have to believe me.....I didn’t want to stand you up, Jonathan, I swear. Please believe me.”

Jonathan didn’t respond, only his eyes moved, slowly scanning Murphy’s face for deceit.

Murphy bit his lip, fearing he was about to lose the first man he cared about since Connor, the first man he wanted to fall in love with, the first man he might actually have a future with.

But then Jonathan’s lips were on his, forcefully kissing him, smashing their mouths together almost painfully. Murphy inhaled sharply as the assault on his mouth began, the sweetness from the night before gone with the first deep thrust of Jonathan’s tongue into his mouth.

Jonathan wasn’t being gentle, he wasn’t being soft, he wasn’t being tender. Jonathan’s boldness shocked Murphy, but at the same time, it excited him as well. Jonathan was a man taking what a man wanted.....and that man wanted _him._

Murphy couldn’t move, his body remained trapped between Jonathan & the car, his hands clutching Jonathan’s forearms tightly as he kissed back with the same vigor & passion. Jonathan’s mouth didn’t slow, his tongue didn’t hesitate, his probing didn’t stop. Murphy forgot all about his burning hands, his aching face, his throbbing knees.....Jonathan’s mouth, Jonathan's tongue, made sure of that.

Just as a moan escaped Murphy’s throat, Jonathan pulled his mouth away, sucking on Murphy’s bottom lip one final time before dipping his head & attaching his mouth to the heated boy’s neck. He planted light kisses along his skin, making his way toward Murphy’s ear, pushing his face into his dark hair.

“I believe you,” Murphy heard whispered in his ear, Jonathan’s breath hot against his skin. Murphy shivered as Jonathan’s lips enveloped his earlobe, his teeth gently pulling on it before letting it go completely. Jonathan lifted his head & he smiled at Murphy, the pain and anger in his eyes gone, Murphy’s shirt loose in his grip.

“I really am sorry, Jonathan.”

“Shhhhh.”

Murphy shook his head, not wanting to be shushed, needing to explain further. “I should have taken your phone number. This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been such a stubborn jerk.”

Jonathan chuckled, his smile wider as he released Murphy’s shirt, his hands smoothing the wrinkles he had caused. “You’re not a jerk, Murphy. But you are the most stubborn person I’ve ever met.”

Murphy released Jonathan’s arms, dropping his hands to his side as he let Jonathan fuss over him. Jonathan raised his hand & gently brushed Murphy’s hair from his eyes.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Murphy shook his head, “No.....I’m okay.”

“Good. I wouldn’t want to hurt you.” His hand moved to stroke Murphy’s cheek, his fingers inadvertently gliding over the bruise that was forming, causing Murphy to wince slightly. He took Murphy by the chin, turning his head to get a better look at what caused that reaction, finally noticing the dark area on his cheekbone.

“How’d you get this bruise?”

Murphy pulled his head free, looking around, suddenly realizing anyone with eyes could see them, anyone could stumble upon them & Murphy would never be able to explain their position. Jonathan took him by his chin again, trying to look once more at Murphy’s bruise.

“Jonathan.....let me go.”

Jonathan released his chin & took a step back, watching as Murphy quickly looked around once again. He took another couple steps back, trying to give the boy even more room, his eyes noticing Murphy’s disheveled appearance for the first time. His eyes ran over Murphy’s dirt covered clothes, his ripped & bloody jeans, his gravel encrusted hands.

“It’s okay. I don’t think anyone saw us,” Murphy said with relief, his eyes returning to Jonathan’s.

“What happened?”

Murphy shrugged, trying to dismiss the concern, trying to diminish the injury. “Nothing.”

“That’s not nothing.” Jonathan looked exactly like Connor at that moment, he had the same “no bullshit” look in his eye, causing Murphy to pause & stare. “What happened?”

“I’m just clumsy.” When Jonathan raised his eyebrows & cocked his head, Murphy quickly added, “I’m fine, I just tripped s’all.”

Jonathan took a deep breath, trying to gather some patience, his eyes again dropping to Murphy’s body. His eyes quickly scanned, trying to see how severe the injuries were, trying to see if Murphy needed a doctor. He was fairly certain it looked worse than it was but until he got the injuries cleaned, he wouldn’t relax.

“I’m sorry. I got some dirt & blood on you.”

Jonathan glanced to where Murphy indicated, at his arms, seeing the bloody fingerprints from where Murphy held him. The amount of blood startled Jonathan and he glanced at Murphy’s hands, seeing how they were caked not only with dirt & dried blood, but with fresh blood as well. “Is your family home?”

“No. Why?”

“Because we need to clean you up, stop that bleeding.”

Murphy couldn’t let Jonathan in the house, he just couldn’t. It would be just his luck to have Connor come home with Jonathan there, he’d be screwed if that happened. Jonathan waited as patiently as he could, waiting for Murphy’s argument.

Murphy argued that he was fine, he wasn’t helpless, he could clean his own injuries.

Jonathan argued that he wanted to make sure Murphy was fine, he knew he wasn’t helpless but he wasn’t about to leave Murphy alone & bleeding.

When Murphy pointed out that his family could come home at any minute and he’d never be able to explain who Jonathan was & why he was in the house, Jonathan moved to his car & opened the passenger door. “Fine. I’ll take you to my place & clean you up there.”

“I’ll get blood in your car,” Murphy weakly argued, trying to dissuade Jonathan with an obvious fact.

“I’m not worried about my car. I’m worried about _you,”_ Jonathan said, motioning with his hand. “Get in.”

Murphy tried to come up with another argument, another reason for Jonathan to let him take care of his own injuries. He didn’t think he was hurt that badly but Jonathan wasn’t about to let him be alone, he wanted to take care of him, that much was obvious.

Jonathan sighed, annoyance filling his eyes, his voice sounding just like Connor once again. “This is non-negotiable, Murphy. Either get in the fucking car right now or I’m coming home with you. Your choice.”

As stubborn as he was, Murphy knew he had no choice, no matter what Jonathan said. He also knew Jonathan would follow him home if he didn’t get in the car & he couldn’t let that happen, not with Connor coming home soon. Murphy moved toward the car, pausing before getting inside, his eyes looking at Jonathan with a final plea.

“Don’t be so stubborn. Get in the car, Murphy. Please.”

Finally, Murphy got in the car & Jonathan sighed in relief, shutting the car door. He was just happy Murphy stopped fighting him on this.

When they arrived at Jonathan’s apartment, Murphy quietly followed him inside, trying not to be too obvious as he looked around. He wanted to see everything in the room, everything Jonathan owned, everything Jonathan loved. Jonathan shut the door behind him while Murphy took a few more steps into the living room, surprised at how spacious the room actually was.

“Your place is nice. It’s really big. Do you live alone?”

“Yes.” Jonathan hid his smirk, knowing Murphy was fishing for information.

Murphy nodded, relieved that he didn’t have to worry about a parent or roommate wondering who he was & why he was there. “How long have you lived here?”

“Oh.....a few years I guess.”

Murphy liked Jonathan’s style, it was simple but manly, not a lot of extraneous objects cluttering the space. He wanted to look through his things, to learn more about him, to learn what music he liked, what books he read.

Murphy took a few more steps into the room, glancing at the magazines on the coffee table, trying to sound nonchalant. “A few years, huh? You must really like it here.”

“I do.”

Murphy turned toward Jonathan, a small smile on his face. “I like it here, too.”

Jonathan smiled back as he took a step toward Murphy. “Good, I’m glad you like it. Now come on, I want to clean you up.”

Murphy followed him to the bathroom, surprised by how big the bathroom was. He stood in place looking around as Jonathan gathered a washcloth, towel & bandages. Jonathan placed the items on the toilet seat lid & motioned to Murphy. “Off with the shirt & pants.”

Murphy hesitated briefly before laughing, thinking Jonathan was joking. Jonathan raised his eyebrows, the serious look on his face causing Murphy’s smile to quickly fade. 

“I’m not kidding. Take the shirt & pants off.”

Murphy didn’t want to take his clothes off in front of Jonathan, not even his shirt but especially his pants. “I can just roll my pants up above my knees.”

Despite the situation, Jonathan chuckled, charmed by Murphy’s bashfulness. “I’m not going to ravage your body, Murphy. Not today, anyway.”

Murphy still didn’t begin to remove his clothing, his eyes darting as he shifted on his feet. He didn’t know how to get out of the situation, he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to.

“I’m not letting you stay in blood stained, dirty clothes. It’s not happening.”

Jonathan reached for the hem of Murphy’s shirt, pausing to make sure Murphy wouldn’t resist. When Murphy didn’t pull away, Jonathan lifted his shirt up & over Murphy’s head, dropping it to the floor. He was surprised Murphy let him take his shirt off, the boy was fidgeting like crazy, he was obviously very nervous.

Murphy crossed his arms over his chest, trying to hide how skinny he was, a blush starting on his face & neck. He braced himself for a reaction as he slowly lifted his eyes to Jonathan’s face, relaxing slightly when he saw Jonathan’s smile.

“I’m not much to look at,” Murphy quietly mumbled, looking to the side.

“Then why do I want to touch every inch of you?”

Murphy shrugged as his eyes returned to Jonathan. “Bad taste?”

“I’ll have you know my taste is exceptional, young man.” Jonathan’s eyes quickly ran over Murphy’s body. “Obviously.”

Murphy’s lips turned upward in the slightest smile, his voice barely above a whisper. “You’re such a flirt.”

“Only with you,” Jonathan said in a matching whisper, his hand motioning toward Murphy’s pants. “Off.”

Murphy toed off his sneakers & gathered his courage, reaching for his belt while Jonathan waited, his eyes closely watching Murphy’s hands. Jonathan was unable to look away as the boy fumbled with his belt, a quiet curse coming from Murphy’s mouth when his fingers failed to work properly.

“You need help?”

Murphy laughed nervously, finally able to get his belt undone, his hands moving to the button on his jeans. “I got it.”

Murphy slid his pants down his legs, his jeans sticking to his bloody knees momentarily before they finally dropped to his ankles. He stepped out of his pants, kicking them to the side, now standing before Jonathan dressed only in his boxers & socks, his self-confidence nonexistent.

If it hadn’t been for the blood running from Murphy’s knees, Jonathan would have paused to admire him further, he wouldn’t have been able to resist Murphy’s shyness, he would have taken him right there on the bathroom floor. Jonathan drove that thought from his mind, quickly composing himself and patting the counter for Murphy to sit before turning away to soap up the washcloth.

Murphy didn’t miss the look in Jonathan’s eyes, the hunger, the desire. He didn’t miss the way his eyes moved over his body, the way they lingered in certain places, the way they kept returning to his crotch. He liked the way Jonathan looked at him. He liked it a lot.

Murphy sat on the counter & Jonathan crouched in front of him, dabbing lightly at his knees with the soapy washcloth. He wiped the streaks of blood from Murphy’s shins, cleaning his legs with a tender touch. Jonathan commented on how much Murphy bled when he removed his socks, they too were bloodstained and he quickly tossed them aside.

Murphy watched as Jonathan took care of him, washed him, bandaged him. It felt strange having someone else do these things, someone other than Connor. He watched Jonathan’s face as he concentrated on what he was doing, noticing that same crease in his forehead that Connor got when he was reading. Murphy smiled, he loved that crease.

Jonathan ran his hand over Murphy’s clean leg, lightly teasing the hair on his calf with his fingers. Murphy quietly laughed as Jonathan beamed.

“You’re ticklish.”

“A bit,” Murphy admitted & Jonathan tucked that fact away for future reference, wanting to know just how ticklish Murphy was. And where.

“I’m sorry for kissing you on the road, Murphy. I promised you I would be discreet and that clearly wasn’t discreet.”

Jonathan’s words surprised Murphy, he hadn’t expected him to apologize. “It’s okay. No one saw.”

Jonathan nodded as he stood & turned on the faucet, adjusting the temperature to a comfortable level. He took the soap & created a thick lather in his hands as he added, “I’m sorry I grabbed you like that, too. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Before Murphy could respond, Jonathan took his hands & pulled them under the warm water, rinsing the surface dirt away. Murphy twisted his body toward the sink as Jonathan began rubbing his hands in his soapy grip, careful not to be too rough.

“I really hope I didn’t hurt you, Murphy,” Jonathan’s eyes remained on their hands, his fingers intertwining with Murphy’s briefly.

“You didn’t hurt me.”

Jonathan briefly glanced at Murphy before his hands again began to move, gently sliding their hands together through the soapy slickness before letting the water run over Murphy’s palms. Murphy watched Jonathan’s face closely, seeing a gamut of emotions in his eyes.

“Jonathan?”

“Hmmm?”

“I want your phone number.”

Jonathan smiled, not looking up, his hands pulling on Murphy’s fingers one by one. “About fucking time, Murphy.”

“What can I say? I’m stubborn.”

“Oh, I know,” Jonathan’s chuckle filled the room. “Believe me, I know.”

Jonathan reached for the towel, gently patting Murphy’s hands dry, placing bandages across the meaty parts of his palms.

Murphy’s mind drifted to thoughts of Connor. He couldn’t help but remember Connor wrapping gauze around his hands after he broke the ceramic heart. Connor being so loving, so gentle. Connor kissing his hands, trying to make everything better. Connor.....

“You okay?”

Murphy jumped before smiling nervously, a quick nod as his response.

“You looked like you were somewhere else.”

Jonathan began to wash Murphy’s face, his eyes now able to watch Murphy without distraction, to gauge his reaction. “I guess I was. I’m sorry, I was thinking about my brother.”

Jonathan wanted to hear more, he was intrigued, he wondered about the look on Murphy’s face. “What about him?”

Murphy lowered his eyes. “Just that he’ll have to kiss my boo-boos when I get home, s’all.”

“That’s very sweet.” Jonathan placed a bandage over Murphy’s cheekbone, pressing gently but still making Murphy wince.

“He’s always done that for me. I know it sounds completely nuts but he always makes me feel better, every single time. I’m just a baby, I guess.”

Jonathan tossed the washcloth in the sink, resting his hands on Murphy’s thighs and leaning toward him. “I want to be alone with you.”

Murphy smirked, looking around & motioning with his eyes. “You are alone with me. Unless you have someone else here I can’t see.”

“No.....I want to get you alone but not like this, not to patch you up. I want it to be just you & me, all alone. For an entire evening, Murphy, just us.”

Murphy’s eyes danced over Jonathan’s face, unable to stay focused on one place. “Okay.”

“Yeah?”

Murphy nodded, taking the initiative & leaning forward, capturing Jonathan’s mouth with his lips. Jonathan let Murphy take control, he closed his eyes as Murphy’s tongue gently pressed against his own, the sweetness from the night before returning to their kisses.

Jonathan kept his hands on Murphy’s bare thighs, his fingers gently stroking, his nails lightly scratching. He was rewarded with a shiver from the boy as goosebumps formed across Murphy’s body, their tongues delving deeper, their breathing heavier.

Murphy’s hands went to Jonathan’s biceps and he slid his fingers up into his sleeves, wanting bare skin. Jonathan flexed his muscles against Murphy’s fingers and he laughed at Jonathan’s antics, his mouth leaving Jonathan’s for the briefest moment before sliding his tongue back into his waiting mouth.

Jonathan let Murphy control the kiss, allowing him to work his tongue between his lips at his leisure, their tongues teasing & tasting each other. Murphy kissed passionately, his mouth eager & needy, soft kissing sounds echoing in the tiled room.

Murphy moaned softly in Jonathan’s mouth & it was all Jonathan could do to hold back. He wanted to slide his hands higher up Murphy’s thighs and explore the area between his legs & make him moan even louder. He wanted to make the boy shudder, he wanted Murphy to yell his name, he wanted to watch his face as he lost control.

Murphy pulled away from Jonathan with a soft sigh, dropping his head, not looking into his eyes. “I need to stop.”

Jonathan glanced down to Murphy’s boxers, smiling at the effect he had on him, seeing the hardness that had begun to develop so quickly. “It’s okay, I feel the exact same way.”

It was after ten by the time Jonathan dropped Murphy off down the street from his house. Murphy whispered a quiet “thank you” before surprising Jonathan with a quick kiss to his lips. Jonathan tried to pull him closer but Murphy slid from his grasp with a slight smirk on his face & a shake to his head.

“Someone might see.”

Jonathan leaned back in the driver’s seat, looking forward to the day when Murphy wouldn’t give a fuck if anyone saw.

“I have to go,” Murphy quietly mumbled. “I’ll see you on Wednesday night, right?”

“Unless you stand me up again.”

“I’ll be there,” came the whispered promise.

Murphy quietly left the car, pausing in the street & waving to Jonathan before moving toward his home in silence. A few minutes later, Murphy heard the car turn around and he stopped in his yard to watch the tail lights as Jonathan drove away. He stood watching, imagining he could still see the lights long after they were gone.

Murphy felt Connor’s presence before he actually saw him, he felt his approach as he grew near.

“Murph? Is that you?”

“It’s me.”

Connor stood next to Murphy in the dark yard, his eyes trying to see his twin’s face. “I was worried about you.”

“I’m fine, Connor.”

Murphy wondered how much Connor saw, how much he noticed, how much he pieced together. He quickly decided Connor didn’t see anything, it was too dark and he was too far away, there was no way he saw anything.

“Who was that guy you were with, Murph?”


	22. Who Was That Guy, Murph?

Murphy felt sick, he was gonna fucking puke, he just knew it.

How did Connor know? It was dark & Murphy had been dropped off down the street. How could Connor possibly know _anything?_

Maybe Connor saw Jonathan’s car pull up & he’d gone to investigate. Maybe he’d gotten close enough to see into the car. Holy fuck.....maybe he’d seen Murphy kiss Jonathan.

It was only a small kiss, hardly anything at all, not even any tongue. But it was still a kiss, a kiss on the lips, a kiss with a man. A kiss Murphy would never be able to explain to his brother.

Murphy had been so careful up to that point, he’d hidden everything so well, he’d never done anything in public before. But then he kissed Jonathan in the car, he initiated it, he _wanted_ it. And now he was completely fucked because of that kiss.

Murphy was lucky he was hidden in the shadows of a tree. Otherwise Connor might have seen his face pale, he might have seen his eyes widen, Connor would have seen the scared look on his face.

“What are you talking about Connor? What guy?” Murphy was never successful at playing dumb, he didn’t even know why he bothered to try. His voice sounded too shaky, it practically trembled, his words catching in his suddenly tight throat.

“The guy who just dropped you off. Who is he?”

“Nobody. Don’t worry about it.” Murphy tried to sound dismissive, knowing full fucking well Connor wouldn’t be satisfied with this answer. Murphy turned & began to walk as fast as he could toward the house, hearing Connor quicken his pace to catch up.

Connor followed him in silence, he didn’t say a word, he just followed. Connor followed him across the yard in silence. He followed him onto the porch in silence. He followed him into the kitchen in complete silence.

Murphy went straight to the icebox & rummaged around, moving cans of soda, opening & shutting the crisper, pushing containers of leftover food around. He wasn’t hungry in the least, he was trying to wait out his brother, he was trying to buy himself time to think.

It was dark in the kitchen, only a small light over the sink illuminating the quiet room, and Murphy didn’t dare look around. He kept rummaging, hoping the quiet meant Connor had left the room. After the tenth time of pushing containers back & forth, Murphy couldn’t fake it any longer. When he turned around, there was Connor. His twin was leaning against the counter, his arms crossed, shaking his head as he watched Murphy.

“What the fuck was all that?” Connor’s voice sounded amused, he was obviously holding back a laugh.

“Nothing looked good.”

“Oh.....well that explains it then.” Connor nodded, his voice still mocking, a slight laugh escaping his mouth. “I just figured after all that time moving stuff around you would have found something to tickle your fancy.”

“Yeah, well.....I didn’t. Is that okay with you?”

“Sure, Murph. It’s perfectly fine with me.”

Connor started to follow Murphy as he left the kitchen, he was practically on top of him, he was so close. Connor wasn’t about to let Murphy run away, he’d stick to him like glue if he had to. Murphy knew Connor wasn’t about to back off, that much was obvious, but he hadn’t figured out what to say about Jonathan so he had to get away. He hurried up the stairs, two at a time, Connor following suit.

When they reached their bedroom, Connor kicked the door shut as Murphy took off his shirt & dropped it on his bed, his back to his brother. Murphy expected Connor to start bugging him again about who Jonathan was but there was only silence from across the room. If Murphy hadn’t been so concerned about what Connor might have seen, if he hadn’t been so scared, he surely would have been annoyed by his brother’s silence. Murphy hated silence from Connor, it wasn’t normal for him to be this quiet, it was almost disturbing. Murphy walked into the bathroom & quietly shut the door, relieved Connor didn’t follow him. Connor never even moved.

Once inside the safety of the bathroom, Murphy removed the sweatpants he was wearing.....Jonathan’s sweatpants. After Jonathan cleaned him up, he wouldn’t let him put his own dirty clothes back on, he’d insisted Murphy wear what Jonathan gave him instead. They had laughed at how Jonathan’s clothes fit Murphy’s slender frame, or more precisely, how they didn’t fit. The pants wouldn’t stay up, the shirt looked like a tent.....the only thing that fit were Jonathan’s socks. They had finally settled on the sweatpants, which at least didn’t fall to the floor after Jonathan tightened the drawstring at the waist.

Murphy was surprised by the size difference, he didn’t think Jonathan was that much bigger than Connor, but he had worn the proof. Murphy was skinny when compared to his brother but he could still wear Connor’s clothes with no problem. Jonathan’s clothes were a different story. Murphy decided he liked the fact that Jonathan was bigger than his brother, he liked discovering a difference he hadn’t noticed before.

Murphy removed the bandage from the small cut on his face & carefully folded Jonathan’s sweatpants. He still didn’t know how to explain who Jonathan was when he wasn’t even sure how much Connor knew. How good of a lie would he have to come up with, how detailed? It all depended on what Connor saw. Connor was sharp, it’d have to be something believable otherwise Connor would know it was bullshit.

Murphy returned to the bedroom wearing only his boxers, sweatpants in hand. His footsteps faltered when he saw where Connor was & what he was doing.

Connor was sitting quietly on Murphy’s bed, his head tilted downward, looking at Jonathan’s shirt in his hands. Murphy hadn’t even thought about Connor noticing the different clothes, but of course he would, Connor knew everything Murphy owned.

The floor creaked as Murphy walked to his dresser, Connor’s head tilting slightly at the sound. Murphy set the sweatpants on top and turned to stare at his brother’s back, seeing Connor’s muscles flexing tightly with tension. Murphy studied how Connor’s muscles moved, how they relaxed for only a moment before they’d tense up once again.

“I suppose this shirt goes with those sweatpants,” Connor mumbled, holding the shirt out for Murphy to take.

Murphy took the few steps toward his brother, pausing for a moment before taking Jonathan’s shirt from his hand. Connor hadn’t turned around & as Murphy backed away, he stole a quick smell of the shirt, filling his nose with Jonathan’s scent.

“Who was that guy, Murph?”

Murphy lowered the shirt from his face, folding it & placing it on top of the sweatpants. “I said don’t worry about it Connor.”

Murphy couldn’t see Connor’s face, all he could see was the shake of his head, the clenching of his fists on his thighs, the muscles in his back turning rock solid. “Don’t worry about it? Really? You take off from the pub pissed as all fuck and disappear for hours. Some strange guy drops you off, _down the fucking street,_ and you won’t tell me who he is. I think I’m entitled to worry about it, Murphy.”

Murphy could feel the tension coming off his twin in waves, he could feel the worry emanating from Connor’s being, from his soul. There was no way around it, Murphy had to say something, he had to alleviate Connor’s anguish. “His name is Jonathan.”

“Jonathan. His name is Jonathan.” Connor took a deep breath before continuing, his annoyance building. “And are those Jonathan’s clothes you were wearing?”

“Yes.”

Connor unclenched his fists & began to run his palms over his thighs, his leg bouncing up & down with unspent energy. “You want to explain what the fuck happened to your own clothes?”

No, Murphy really didn’t want to explain, he’d rather eat shards of glass than explain, but Connor wouldn’t relent until he had answers. “They got covered in dirt.....”

“Dirt. So you put on someone else’s clothes because you got dirty?”

“No.....not just because I got dirty, Connor.” Murphy sighed, he hated when Connor got like this. When he didn’t listen, when he didn’t let him finish, when he jumped to conclusions.

Connor looked over his shoulder at him but Murphy was looking down, he didn’t see Connor turn. Murphy didn’t see Connor’s expression change when he noticed his brother’s injuries for the first time, he didn’t see the shock on his face, in his eyes. He didn’t see the concern take over, the near panic.

“Come here, Murphy.”

Without looking at his brother, Murphy knew Connor noticed his bandages, the tone of his voice told him. Murphy slowly walked to where his brother was seated, silently obeying Connor’s command. Connor pulled on his arm for Murphy to sit next to him & the bed dipped with the weight of both boys. Murphy sat in silence staring straight ahead as Connor’s eyes ran over his body & face, evaluating how badly he was hurt.

Connor took hold of Murphy’s wrist, turning his arm to examine his palm, his finger lightly running across the bandage, lingering a bit too long. Murphy watched Connor’s face as he reached for his other wrist, allowing his brother to hold his hands while he carefully inspected Jonathan’s handiwork.

Murphy couldn’t figure out what he saw in Connor’s eyes. Love & concern, of course, but there was something else as well. Something _different._

Connor glanced down to Murphy’s knees before his eyes settled momentarily on the fresh bruise on his cheekbone. Connor’s eyes again quickly scanned his twin, making sure he didn’t miss anything, before he locked onto his blue eyes.

“This guy you were with. _Jonathan._ Did he do this to you?”

Murphy smiled, shaking his head slowly, his eyes unwavering. “He’s the one who patched me up.”

“Oh.”

Connor felt a strange sensation.....he felt a pang of jealousy course through his body, a wave of resentment. Murphy had been patched up by someone else, someone else had taken care of his brother, someone else had touched Murphy. And Murphy had let him.

Connor knew he was possessive of Murphy, sometimes a little too possessive. But Connor was always the one Murphy ran to, he was the one Murphy cried out for, Connor was the one Murphy needed more than anyone else. Except for today. Today, someone else had taken his place. Today, Murphy needed someone else more.

“He did a good job.” Connor nodded, his eyes looking again at the hands he still held. They sat in silence for a few minutes, Connor holding Murphy’s hands, his fingers lightly tracing over & around the dressing. “What happened?”

Connor listened as Murphy told him how he’d been running and tripped over absolutely nothing, how he’d ripped his pants, how heavy he was bleeding. Murphy told him that Jonathan cleaned him up & made him put on clean clothes. He told Connor that Jonathan was the one who brought him home.

But Murphy didn’t tell Connor everything. He didn’t tell him about the kissing in the road, when Jonathan pinned him to the car. He didn’t tell Connor about the kissing in the bathroom, when Murphy was only in his boxers. And he didn’t tell Connor about the kiss in the car that he initiated, hoping maybe somehow Connor hadn’t seen.

Connor still didn’t look up, his eyebrows were drawn together, his eyes still staring at Murphy’s hands the entire time Murphy spoke. Murphy noticed Connor was shaking, his fingers almost vibrating against Murphy’s palms. “Are you okay, Murph? Do you need a doctor?”

Murphy’s words were soft, gentle, reassuring. “I’m fine, Conn. Honest. It’s not that bad.”

Connor always fussed over Murphy, he always worried about him, ever since they were little kids. When they were young and Murphy got hurt, and he got hurt often, Connor would panic. He’d shake, he’d clutch Murphy close to his body, he’d plead with him not to die. And if there was even the smallest amount of blood, Connor wanted to take him to the hospital immediately. As they got older, Connor learned not to panic, he learned to control his reaction. Connor could control everything except the shaking.....the shaking gave him away. And even though Murphy was fine, even though he wasn’t hurt that badly, Connor felt his biggest fear come roaring back. Connor was afraid of losing Murph.

“Connor?”

Connor closed his eyes for a moment, nodded and took a cleansing breath. He lifted his head & looked into his younger brother’s eyes, smiling for his Murph.

“How’d you know about Jonathan?”

Murphy held his breath, he had to know how much Connor saw, what he knew. And if Connor saw, he had to try to explain somehow.

“I saw you in his car.”

“You-you saw us?”

Murphy couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t fucking breathe.

_Connor saw them._

Connor nodded while Murphy felt the blood leave his body, he felt like he was dying. “You drove right by me, Murph. Of course, you were hurt so you probably didn’t notice much of anything. I got a good look at his car though so when I saw it down the street I knew it was him bringing you home.”

Murphy never felt so relieved in his life. Connor hadn’t seen him kissing Jonathan, he’d only seen him riding in Jonathan’s car earlier that day. Connor had no idea who Jonathan was or what Murphy was doing with him.

“How do you know this guy? This _Jonathan?”_ Connor asked, his sensitivity about Jonathan not diminishing. Connor never met the guy but already he knew he didn’t like him.

Now Murphy had to come up with a story, and quick. Connor was staring at him, waiting for an answer. The only thing Murphy could think to do was to somehow link Jonathan to his original lie.

“He’s Charlotte’s brother.”

Connor nodded, his eyes drifting to the side. “That makes sense.”

Murphy smiled, it did make sense. Connor barely knew Charlotte, so he’d never know who her brother was, or wasn’t. Murphy was proud of himself, another great lie under his belt, all without staring at Connor’s feet.

Connor released his hands & stood, looking down at his brother, confusing him.

“Conn? Aren’t you gonna.....you forgot to.....you didn’t.....” Murphy suddenly stopped talking, his eyes pleading as he stared up at Connor.

Connor didn’t mistake the look on his brother’s face & he knew what Murphy wanted, what he needed. Murphy needed him, it was in his eyes. Murphy needed Connor.

“Conn?”

With that one whisper of his name, Connor melted. He’d do anything for Murphy, starting with kissing his boo-boo’s.


	23. I Need to Explain

“You just missed your friend Jonathan, Murphy. He was in here asking about you again.”

There was that name. The name that annoyed the fucking piss out of Connor, the name that made him grind his teeth together..... _Jonathan_. Connor was beginning to hate that fucking name and the person attached to it. He didn’t know why he hated the man, it’s not like he ever met him, or even saw him before he had Murphy in his car. But something about seeing his twin in Jonathan’s car bothered Connor, something about knowing he had taken care of his brother, knowing he had _touched_ Murphy. Connor didn’t like that shit one bit, he was the only one who was supposed to touch Murph.

It really irked Connor that Murphy had come home dressed in the man’s clothes. What the fuck was that? It didn’t matter how dirty Murph’s clothes were, how ripped, how bloody. Connor had seen Murphy caked in mud and blood before and he’d still worn his own clothes home, he’d never changed into someone else’s clothes, not ever. But for some reason, this time was different. Murphy had come home clean, carefully bandaged & without his own clothes.

One thing Connor knew for certain.....if he ever did meet Jonathan, if he spent even one minute with the man, he wouldn’t like him. Not one bit.

Prior to last night, Jonathan was meaningless, he was nonexistent. At least to Connor. He’d never heard Murphy mention him before, not even in an inconsequential way. Connor thought he knew all of Murphy’s friends, they shared many of the same ones, but Jonathan was someone new. He seemed to be more than “just Charlotte’s brother,” as Murphy described him.

No.....Jonathan was somehow different.

Connor pondered the situation through most of the night, not sleeping, lying in his bed listening to Murphy breathe softly in his sleep. The more Connor thought about it, the more he was certain.....Murphy knew Jonathan better than he let on. Maybe it was the way Murphy smiled when he said Jonathan patched him up. Or maybe it was the look in his eye when he said Jonathan’s name, or how he blushed & looked away.

Whatever it was, Connor didn’t fucking like it.

And now Connor was watching his brother squirm as the elderly man rang up their groceries, telling the twins again how Jonathan asked all sorts of questions about Murphy.....questions about what he liked to eat, where he went to school, who he hung out with.

Murphy blushed more with each word he heard, his thumbnail between his teeth, his eyes not meeting Connor’s.

“I told him you boys were always together, I rarely see one of you without the other,” the old man said with a soft smile, his eyes crinkling as they honed in on Connor. “That’s when he started asking questions about Connor.”

That last sentence got Connor’s attention, it made his head turn toward the old man, it made his eyes narrow. “Me? He asked about _me?_ ”

With a nod, the old man leaned forward, his voice in a hushed tone. “I thought it was quite odd, actually. He wanted to know how close you boys were and how you both act when you’re together. It was all very strange, Connor.”

Connor turned to look at his twin, noticing how Murphy’s blush was no longer present. Instead, he was pale, his eyes were wide and he looked like he was about to be sick.

Murphy’s head spun. That’s it.....he was fucked. Murphy hadn’t told Jonathan that Connor was his brother, he’d only told him he was in love with Connor. He wanted to be the one to explain.....it needed to come from him, not from some old guy in a grocery store.

Connor’s eyes were on him, watching his reaction. Murphy tried to remain calm, he tried to keep his composure, he tried to look indifferent. But inside, he was shitting himself. Inside, he was shaking. Inside, Murphy felt like he was crumbling into a million pieces.

\------

It was dark by the time he arrived at Jonathan’s apartment.

He stood on the sidewalk, debating with himself, trying to decide if he’d made a mistake by coming over. Jonathan wasn’t expecting him, maybe he wouldn’t want to hear anything he had to say, maybe he should just leave.

No.....no, he had to talk to Jonathan. He had to try to explain.

Murphy glanced at his watch. Ten o’clock.....later than he thought. His eyes were drawn by movement at the window, a shadow moving behind the curtain, and he felt his heart speed up with a mixture of both excitement and fear.

He couldn’t put this off, he had to set things right. This couldn’t wait for another day, another time. Murphy walked to the door and he paused to listen, hearing Jonathan’s muffled voice followed by his quiet laugh. There was soft music playing in the background, a slow jazzy song that Murphy didn’t recognize, and again he wondered if he made a mistake by coming over.

The sound of another chuckle from Jonathan reached Murphy’s ears & he rested his forehead against the door, wishing he could make out what was being said. Jonathan was talking & laughing with someone, he had company, he wasn’t alone. And Murphy was about to intrude.

He took a deep breath, he’d come too far to turn back now, he had to see Jonathan. And if Jonathan got mad because Murphy interrupted, then he would just leave.....Murphy would walk away, if that’s what Jonathan wanted. He just hoped Jonathan would hear him out.

He was knocking on the door before he even realized he’d raised his hand. His heart skipped a beat as he heard the approach of footsteps, his palms were sweating, his mouth was dry. And when Jonathan opened the door, when Murphy saw the look on his face, he couldn’t breathe.

The shocked look on Jonathan’s face quickly turned into a smile, the same warm smile Murphy was growing to love more each day. Without a word, Jonathan motioned with his hand for Murphy to come inside, stepping aside to let him pass. Murphy could feel his eyes on the back of his head, on his body, as he walked into the living room with Jonathan trailing close behind.

Murphy expected to see someone sitting on the couch, some guy Jonathan would have already replaced him with, someone better. But there was no one. His eyes glanced down the hall, toward what he knew was Jonathan’s bedroom. But again, there was no one. The bathroom door was open, the kitchen was empty.....no one else was here.

“Give me a minute, okay?”

Murphy nodded, not having a clue what Jonathan needed a minute for, his eyes following him as he crossed the room & picked up the phone receiver that was resting on the table.

“I have to go, I have someone who just surprised me by stopping over.....yes, someone special.” Jonathan spoke into the phone as he turned to look at Murphy, his eyes unblinking, staring. “He’s amazing.”

Amazing? Murphy had never been described like that before, not by anyone. Jonathan broke into a wide smile at whatever was said in his ear, his eyes still watching his nervous visitor. Murphy still couldn’t believe it.....Jonathan thought he was amazing.

“Murphy.”

“Yeah?”

Jonathan chuckled & shook his head, covering the mouthpiece with his hand. “I was just telling her your name.”

Murphy nodded, relieved that Jonathan was talking to a “her” and not a “him.” Murphy wanted to run from the house, he was so nervous & scared, even more so now that he knew Jonathan thought he was amazing.

“Mmm-hmmm, he is. _Very_ cute.”

Murphy looked away, it was odd to hear someone talk so openly about him while he was standing there listening. He took a step away from Jonathan, acting like he was looking at a picture on the wall, trying to hide his deepening crimson blush. On one hand, he was embarrassed & he wanted Jonathan to stop. But on the other hand, he wanted to hear more.....a lot more.

“He’s actually kind of shy,” Jonathan said in a slightly lowered voice. “I think I’m embarrassing him right now. Yes.....I like him a lot, he really is amazing.”

There was that word again.....amazing. In the short span of just a few minutes, Jonathan used that word to describe him for a second time.

“I have to go. I don’t want to keep Murphy waiting any longer. All right.....I’ll tell him.” Murphy heard Jonathan loudly sigh & he looked over his shoulder at the smirking man, catching Jonathan staring at his ass. Jonathan’s eyes lifted to Murphy’s face & they held his gaze while Jonathan listened to the woman on the phone.

“I don’t kiss and tell. I’m hanging up now.”

With a dramatic roll of his eyes, Jonathan hung up the phone as Murphy turned his body to face him. Jonathan’s demeanor surprised him, he expected Jonathan to be angry, hurt.....disgusted. Jonathan should be all those things but he wasn’t. Instead he seemed happy to see Murphy, he seemed pleased.....excited.

Jonathan slowly crossed the room & Murphy froze, watching his approach, unsure of what Jonathan was about to do. When Jonathan reached him, he stood unmoving, just staring deeply into Murphy’s eyes. It felt like he was trying to see what was going on in Murphy’s head, like he was trying to figure him out.

Murphy finally looked down, dropping his chin to his chest, trying to think of how to start his explanation. He closed his eyes & gathered his thoughts, not having a clue how to start, what to say, how not to cry.

Jonathan cupped his face in his hands, his thumbs softly stroking his cheeks, carefully avoiding the bruise over Murphy’s cheekbone. Murphy didn’t want to look at him, not when he was stroking his face with such a delicate touch, he was too afraid of what he would see in his eyes.

“I’m supposed to tell you that my friends say I seem happier since I met you,” Jonathan quietly confessed, his thumbs still stroking.

Murphy loved the idea of making someone happy, of making Jonathan happy. He’d never made anyone happy before.....not like this. As Jonathan held his face, he felt Murphy’s smile develop & grow under his fingers as his words sunk in.

Murphy didn’t look up until Jonathan lifted his head with his hands and he looked into Jonathan’s hooded eyes once again. Murphy had never seen a look like that before, at least not directed his way, and he couldn’t help but squirm in Jonathan’s grip.

“Relax, Murphy.”

But he couldn’t relax, not with those eyes looking so deeply into his, not after seeing the blatant desire Jonathan couldn’t hide. Jonathan had the slightest smile on his lips & he slowly lowered his face closer until his wet lips locked onto Murphy’s mouth.

Murphy let him kiss his lips, he let him slide his tongue into his mouth, and he let Jonathan stroke his face while he did these things. With every swirl of Jonathan’s tongue, he got lost even more in the man. His tongue began to play back, his lips moving to the rhythm Jonathan set, his breathing deeper with each passing moment.

Murphy’s hands moved to the man’s waist, clutching tightly to his taut muscles, pulling him closer. Jonathan smiled against his lips & moved his hand from Murphy’s face down to his neck, stroking his hot skin, feeling his quickening pulse under his thumb.

Jonathan’s tongue pushed deeper into Murphy’s mouth, his other hand grabbing a fistful of hair, their bodies flush against each other. When Jonathan pushed his groin into Murphy’s, he felt the boy suddenly pull back, turning his head away from Jonathan as he broke their kiss, the hands on his waist now slack.

Jonathan loosened his grasp of Murphy’s hair, trying to ease off just enough to relax Murphy without letting him go. When Murphy didn’t pull further away, Jonathan dipped his head & captured Murphy’s mouth once again with his lips, his tongue gaining quick access to the mouth he had been craving since he met the boy.

Just as Jonathan grasped his soft hair tight in his fingers once more, Murphy pulled away, this time pushing at Jonathan’s chest gently. Their mouths broke free, their bodies moved apart, Jonathan’s fingers reluctantly left Murphy’s skin.

“Jonathan.....stop. We need to talk.”

Murphy watched Jonathan’s face morph, it changed from hot and excited to hurt and confused in the span of a millisecond. He knew by the look on his face that he misunderstood, he’d hurt him unintentionally.

“I didn’t mean we need to talk like I don’t want to see you anymore, that’s not what I meant.....not at all,” Murphy quickly mumbled, trying not to lose his nerve as Jonathan’s expression relaxed only marginally, his guard still raised.

Murphy’s thumb quickly swiped at his mouth, wiping the moisture from Jonathan’s kiss off his lips. “I just meant we need to talk.....I need to explain. About.....about Connor.”

Jonathan rubbed the back of his neck, looking away for a moment, stretching his muscles. He took a deep breath before he looked once again at Murphy. “What about Connor?”

The irritation on Jonathan’s face was obvious. His eyes had hardened, his body was stiff, his lips firm. He was trying to keep his calm, his composure, his temper in check. But he was failing.

Murphy shifted on his feet as his body began to sweat, not because he was excited like a few minutes ago, but sweating because he was suddenly nervous beyond belief. Jonathan’s gaze didn’t waver, his eyes didn’t falter.....but Murphy’s did. Murphy looked everywhere but at Jonathan, his eyes eventually turning downward & locking onto the hardwood floor.

“I just thought you deserved an explanation, Jonathan. You deserved to hear it from me, not from some stranger in a store.”

“Go ahead. Explain it to me then.”

That was just it though, Murphy didn’t know how to explain it, he didn’t know how to make Jonathan understand, he didn’t even know how to begin. So instead he remained quiet, trying to think of what to say, not looking at the man who had just kissed him with such passion but was now looking at him with such anger.

“You can’t explain it, can you?”

Murphy realized Jonathan was right, he couldn’t explain it because he didn’t understand it himself. He didn’t understand how he could fall in love with his brother, his twin, his Connor. It was impossible to understand something that defied explanation by its mere existence.

“I know all about Connor. You don’t have to explain why you still spend time with him, Murphy. I know why.”

Murphy waited.....he waited for Jonathan to tell him how sick he was, how disgusting.....how wrong he was for being in love with his brother. He waited to hear the words he’d said to himself a million times.

“I know he’s still a close friend of yours. But Murphy, he doesn’t feel the same way about you and he never will. Why be friends with someone who causes you such pain? You’d be better off not seeing him anymore.”

Murphy suddenly realized Jonathan didn’t know “all about Connor,” he really didn’t know shit. He thought Connor was just his friend, a friend he fell in love with, nothing more. No one had told Jonathan the truth about who Connor actually was.

Jonathan continued in a low voice, trying to convince Murphy of something he already knew. “Connor doesn’t want you. He’ll never be in love with you, he’ll never kiss you like I do, he’ll never take you into his bed and make love to you. He’s not your other half, Murphy.”

Murphy couldn’t help but shake his head. Connor was his other half, just not in the way Jonathan meant.....or in the way Murphy wanted. He almost told Jonathan that Connor was his twin brother, his other half in that sense, but as he looked into Jonathan’s eyes, he just couldn’t form the words. His mouth wouldn’t open, his lips wouldn’t move, his tongue stilled.

“Connor doesn’t want you but I do. I want every piece of you, Murphy. I want your mind, your body and especially your heart. But you have to be willing to take a chance on us & forget about Connor.”

The anger in Jonathan’s eyes was fading, the burning heat of desire still apparent in his gaze as Murphy considered his words. It wasn’t fair what he was doing to Jonathan, he was trying to move on with him but a part of him was still clinging to Connor, a part of him still hadn’t let go. And that’s what he needed to do, he needed to let Connor go.....he had to.

“I’m not asking you to stop being his friend, I don’t own you. But I am asking you to stop spending so much time with him. I’m asking you to choose me over Connor. Choose me over someone who will never love you the way I can.”

Murphy didn’t know what to say, how could he ever stop spending time with Connor? He was his brother, they lived in the same house, they slept in the same room.....Connor was his best friend. He stood quietly watching Jonathan’s face, knowing if Jonathan knew the entire story, he might change his mind.

Murphy decided not to tell Jonathan that Connor was his brother. It would serve no purpose at this point other than to muddy the waters. He’d tell Jonathan the truth once he was certain he could handle it, once he knew Jonathan wouldn’t leave him, once he knew they were madly in love. Then, and only then, would he tell Jonathan the truth about Connor.

So once again, Murphy wasn’t honest. Once again, he lied by omission.

Murphy told Jonathan he’d been friends with Connor forever.....which was pretty much true.

Murphy told Jonathan that Connor liked girls and there could never be anything but friendship between them.....which was pretty much true.

Murphy told Jonathan he was ready to move on, he was over Connor, he was no longer in love with him.....which was a complete fucking lie. Only Murphy didn’t realize it.

Jonathan listened carefully, his eyes watching Murphy, evaluating his intent. When Murphy was done speaking, Jonathan took him by his hand & walked him to the front door. Murphy’s eyes glistened with tears as Jonathan opened the door & motioned with his hand for him to leave.

“I want you to go home, Murphy. Go home & think about what I said.”

Jonathan released his hand & Murphy took slow steps forward, turning back to look at Jonathan once he was outside. Jonathan’s face was set in stone, no emotion was displayed, the man had total control over himself.....unlike Murphy.

“Jonathan?” Murphy’s voice was soft, choked with emotion, tears building. How could Jonathan just send him away? How could he do this?

“You heard me, go home.”

“But.....but I thought you wanted me.”

Jonathan’s voice was finally filled with emotion once again, finally filled with tenderness. “I do. I do want you, Murphy. But you need to decide who it is _you_ want.....me or Connor. You can’t have us both.”

A solitary tear slid down Murphy’s face, his bottom lip between his teeth to stop his chin from quivering.

“If you choose me, then come back on Wednesday like we planned. But if you choose to chase someone who’ll never want you, then don’t come back at all, let me go.”

Jonathan’s words echoed in the cool night air, his words laced with a trace of bitterness along with a sense of hope. Jonathan turned away from Murphy’s tear stained face, shutting the door quietly as Murphy stood dumbfounded. Murphy listened as Jonathan locked the door, he heard his footsteps as he walked away, he watched as the lights in Jonathan’s apartment turned off one by one.

And Murphy slowly turned away.....walking toward home. Alone.


	24. Decision

Murphy barely slept that night. Each time he closed his eyes he saw Jonathan’s face, he heard his words echoing in his mind..... _“I’m asking you to choose me over Connor. Choose me over someone who will never love you the way I can.”_

Murphy didn’t know what to do.....he wanted to be with Jonathan but he could _never_ choose anyone over Connor, that wasn’t even an option. Connor would always be first  & foremost in his life. Even if they were never anything more than just brothers, Connor would still be first, always and forever.

But Jonathan was right.....Connor would never love him the way Jonathan could. Connor would never kiss him like he needed to be kissed. Connor would never take him to bed like he wanted.

Connor was his brother. But Jonathan could be his lover.

By the time the sun rose, Murphy had it all figured out. It was so easy he was surprised he didn’t think of it sooner. Connor didn’t want him & he never would, so the choice was simple. Murphy would choose Jonathan as his lover. He could even tell Jonathan he chose him & have it not be a lie. He just wouldn’t tell him he chose Connor in everything else, that’s all. Easy. Murphy could have them both.

“Hey.....I was talking to you.”

Connor stood next to his bed looking down at him with concerned eyes as the morning sun began to light their room. Connor couldn’t help but be concerned about his younger sibling, Murphy had been acting so strange lately & worrying just came naturally to Connor.....Murphy always joked it was in his DNA. He knew he worried too much about Murph, he fussed over him & babied him far too often, but Murphy didn’t seem to mind. In fact, Murphy usually encouraged it, he seemed to practically revel in Connor’s attention.

Murphy smiled at him and that was all it took to relax Connor. Murphy’s smile always had that effect on him. The world could be coming to an end but as long as Murphy smiled at him, Connor wouldn’t worry. Connor smiled back.....Murphy knew how to work him but Connor didn’t care, just so long as Murphy was happy.

“Move over.”

Murphy quickly scooted to the side, lifting the blanket as Connor slid in bed next to him. Murphy rolled onto his side, facing his brother, and they instantly curled into each other, arms & legs intertwining. Connor was on his back & Murphy’s head fit into the crook of Connor’s shoulder, his dark hair tickling Connor’s bare skin. Connor rested his cheek on Murphy’s head & he pressed his nose into Murphy’s hair.

“How come you smell different?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?” Murphy practically laughed, his voice filled with confusion.....why would he smell any different?

Connor took another sniff of Murphy’s hair, not liking the scent that lingered on his twin. “Your hair smells different.”

Connor felt Murphy stiffen against his body, shifting slightly before mumbling, “I smell like I always smell, Connor.”

“No you don’t. I know how you smell, Murph, and you smell different.”

Murphy shifted in Connor’s arms, sliding his head away from Connor’s face. _Jonathan kissed Murphy last night, he had his hands in his hair, Murphy must smell a little like Jonathan._ Connor shifted, trying to smell Murphy’s hair again but Murphy wiggled further away.

“Quit smelling me, Connor. It’s weird.”

Connor relaxed his grip on his twin, knowing how Murphy would react. By letting Murphy go, by giving him space, Murphy would want to be closer. Connor relaxed his grip further, shifting his body away from his brother & turning his head to the side.

As soon as Connor slid away, Murphy tightened his grip around his body & shifted with him, moving closer, returning his head to the crook of Connor’s shoulder. Murphy wasn’t about to let Connor move away from him.

“Don’t, Conn,” Murphy softly whined, his voice a breathy whisper, his breath hot on Connor’s chest.

With that soft fucking voice Murphy sometimes used, he got what he wanted. Connor leaned back into his brother & pulled him close.

They laid in comfortable silence, holding each other, listening to each other breathe. Connor knew the moment Murphy fell asleep, he felt it inside, it was just something he knew. Connor always thought it was funny how even in sleep, Murphy didn’t relax his grip on him. If anything, he held on tighter, almost as if he were afraid he’d lose Connor somehow.

With Murphy asleep, Connor took the opportunity to smell his hair again. He had to know what that smell was and why it was on his brother. He pressed his face into his twin’s mussed hair, quietly inhaling his scent. It was a strange mixture.....definately Murphy but a touch of something else mixed in, something spicy. Connor inhaled again, rubbing his face across the dark locks, loving the feel of Murphy’s soft hair on his skin. It took another deep inhale before Connor could determine the smell that was all over his brother.

Cologne.....it was a man’s cologne.

No, it couldn’t be. Why would Murphy smell like cologne? Murphy never wore the stuff, he didn’t even own any, and that smell was nothing Connor owned. He took another deep breath. The smell was familiar, like he’d smelled it somewhere before.....like he smelled it on Murphy before.

“What time is it?”

Connor hadn’t noticed Murphy was awake until he asked that question, he was consumed with trying to figure that smell out. Connor glanced at the clock, groaning. “Time to get up, Murph. You can shower first this morning.” Connor wanted that smell off Murphy as fast as possible, he didn’t like it one bit, it contaminated Murphy’s naturally sweet scent.

They released each other & sat up at the same time, both wiping the sleep from their eyes in unison. Murphy smiled at him again but it didn’t have the same calming effect as before, Connor was too focused on what he saw on Murphy’s dresser.

“I won’t be long,” Murphy quietly mumbled, not noticing his brother’s distraction.

As soon as the bathroom door shut, Connor didn’t waste any time, he went straight to his brother’s dresser. He stared at the shirt that was carefully folded & resting on the sweatpants Murphy had worn home two days prior, the day Jonathan had patched his brother up. Jonathan’s fucking clothes.

His hands practically shook as he picked up the shirt, letting it fall open in his hands. He fully expected to smell Murphy on the clothing, after all, he’d worn the shirt for at least a couple hours. Connor hoped.....no, he prayed.....the shirt wouldn’t smell like that cologne. He paused before he brought the shirt to his nose, inhaling deeply.

It was the same cologne, only stronger smelling on the shirt, the garment reeking of the spicy scent. And it was most definitely what he smelled in his brother’s hair this morning. The smell was Jonathan’s cologne. And that smell had been all over his brother.

What the fuck?

\------

Murphy was happily oblivious. He thought he had it all figured out. He didn’t have to choose, he could have both Connor _and_ Jonathan.....he could have them both but in different ways.

He’d enjoy being with Connor as much as ever, he wouldn’t fantasize about him anymore once he was with Jonathan, he just knew he wouldn’t. He’d never be able to give up Connor regardless, but this way, he could still be with him. This way, he’d still have Connor.

And he’d still have Jonathan as well. He’d have a relationship with Jonathan. He’d choose Jonathan to be his lover. Jonathan would be the one he’d kiss, the one he’d be intimate with, the one who would touch him in the way Connor wouldn’t.

It was the best of both worlds. And it was perfect.

Murphy got through the rest of Tuesday without a care in the world, too exhausted to notice the change in Connor, how he watched him even closer than before. Murphy was too content in his decision to notice much of anything.

On Wednesday morning he waited for Connor to be busy in the bathroom before he carefully hid Jonathan’s clothes deep in his backpack, stacking his school books on top of the clothing. He’d go straight to Jonathan’s apartment after school, just like they planned. And he’d give him back his clothes and Murphy would tell him he chose to be with him. He couldn’t wait to see Jonathan’s face when he told him, he wanted to see that smile again.

Murphy already knew what he’d tell Connor, he had his excuse all worked out, the details perfectly crafted. He’d tell Connor he was going to Charlotte’s after school to study & she wanted him to stay for dinner. He’d tell Connor she was renting movies & he’d be out late, Connor shouldn’t wait up, he didn’t know what time he’d be home. And Connor would believe him, he’d be happy for him, he’d probably tell him to have fun.

When Connor walked out of the bathroom, the first thing he noticed was the stench of that cologne. He glanced at Murphy’s dresser, noticing that the fucker’s clothes were no longer there. That explained the smell in the air. When Murphy moved them, the smell of Jonathan’s cologne filled the room again.

Murphy was putting on his shoes & Connor looked around, wondering what he did with the clothes. His eyes were drawn to Murphy’s backpack.....it looked odd, it was bulging out in weird places, it was too full. The clothes had to be in there but why did Murphy hide it? If he was returning them today, what was the big fucking deal?

That’s when Murphy told Connor he had plans after school, he was going to Charlotte’s, Connor would have to walk home alone. Connor listened patiently, not entirely believing his twin for some odd reason even though Murphy didn’t stare at his feet with his tell-tale _“lying to Connor”_ sign. Maybe if he hadn’t hidden the clothes in his backpack he’d be more believable. Hiding something like that meant Murph was hiding something else as well.

Connor just wasn’t quite sure what Murphy was hiding. But he intended to find out.

\------

Murphy stood outside Jonathan’s apartment, staring at his door, waiting for him to answer his knock. He’d done what Jonathan told him to do.....he’d gone home & thought about what he said. He’d made a decision. And now he was back.

After the third knock, the door slowly opened and Murphy took a step forward, eager to see Jonathan’s smile. But there was no smile on Jonathan’s face, his expression was stern, his demeanor aloof, his emotions unflappable. “You came.”

Murphy expected him to move aside & invite him in but Jonathan stayed in place, his body blocking the entrance. He didn’t understand why Jonathan wasn’t letting him in, he told Murphy to come back on Wednesday like they planned. And it was Wednesday.

“Can I come in?” Murphy quietly asked, shifting from foot to foot, hoping Jonathan wouldn’t turn him away.

“I suppose.” Jonathan pushed the door open wider & shifted to the side, his eyes glued to Murphy’s face as he approached the threshold. Just as Murphy was about to move past him, Jonathan reached out & grabbed him by his bicep, his fingers pressing hard into the muscle. “If you come in, you better have made the right decision. Otherwise don’t bother.”

Murphy looked up into his face & slowly nodded, his face conveying his surprise at how Jonathan grabbed him. Murphy wanted to tell him his decision then & there, he wanted to make Jonathan smile with joy and relief, he wanted Jonathan to be tender with him again. But he wanted to tell him in private, not in the doorway where someone could hear.

After a moment, Jonathan released him & followed him into the living room, slowly walking around Murphy and ending up in front of him. Murphy dropped his backpack to the floor as Jonathan crossed his arms, his eyes scrutinizing Murphy’s face. “So why are you here?”

Murphy shrugged with a nervous little smile. “It’s Wednesday.” Murphy stood watching him, it should be obvious why he was here, Jonathan should know.....he’s the one who told him to come back today.

Jonathan uncrossed his arms & adjusted his belt, almost casually, before he put his hands in his pockets. His eyes never left Murphy’s face & Murphy tried not to squirm as Jonathan waited in silence. Murphy started to chew on his lip, his breathing loud in his own ears, not sure what was happening. He didn’t know what Jonathan expected, what he was hoping for, why he was acting so cold, so distant.

Jonathan didn’t cut him any slack, he didn’t help him along, he didn’t yield in the least. He stood motionless, stone-faced, impassive.....waiting.

Murphy took the few tentative steps toward Jonathan, closing the gap between them & stopping directly in front of him. He cleared his throat, trying to sound sure of himself even though he felt like he was standing on quicksand. “I thought about what you said and.....and I choose you, Jonathan. I want to be with you. That’s why I’m here.”

When Jonathan still didn’t respond, Murphy impulsively leaned forward & pressed his lips to Jonathan’s mouth. He closed his eyes & kissed Jonathan with all the emotion he had, everything he had bottled up in his heart was put into that one kiss.

Jonathan let Murphy kiss him but he didn’t respond, he didn’t kiss back and Murphy soon pulled away, looking down at his feet. Murphy felt like crying, his emotions clawing at his heart, Jonathan didn’t want him anymore. Murphy was prepared to give him his heart but Jonathan didn’t want it. Murphy took a step back & turned to walk away but Jonathan reached out & took him by his wrist, stopping his departure.

“Murphy.” Jonathan’s voice was soft, the gentle tone was back, the coldness from before fading. He tugged at Murphy’s wrist, drawing him back. Murphy allowed Jonathan to pull him closer, all the while still looking at his feet, still unable to look at Jonathan’s face. Murphy was bewildered, he didn’t know what the fuck was going on.....did Jonathan want him or not?

“I’m glad you made the right decision. I was worried for a minute.” Jonathan’s hand slid from his wrist & he took Murphy by the hand, his other hand reaching for his face. His fingers stroked Murphy’s cheek, sliding slowly down to his mouth, gently tracing his lips with his index finger. “Kiss me.”

Murphy hesitated, he was afraid Jonathan wouldn’t kiss him back, he was afraid Jonathan would push him away. He finally looked at the man stroking his face, he finally saw the smile he had missed so much, he finally saw the desire back in those eyes.

Murphy leaned forward, pausing just before his lips would touch Jonathan’s, still unsure of his reaction. He just couldn’t do it, he just couldn’t take the initiative, he just couldn’t take the chance.....not after Jonathan had rebuffed him. Murphy pulled back slightly, too scared to move that final inch closer to those smiling lips.

Jonathan was staring at Murphy’s mouth, waiting for the contact he craved, wanting all the boy had to offer. When he realized Murphy wasn’t about to kiss him, Jonathan’s hand moved from Murphy’s face & slid into his hair, his fingers feathering their way through his thick strands. His fingers pushed gently on the back of his head, urging him forward, closer to his waiting mouth.

Their lips made contact & Murphy inhaled deeply, lifting his head toward Jonathan & parting his lips as his eyes closed. Jonathan didn’t hesitate & he slid his tongue into Murphy’s mouth, gently probing, his lips softly moving against that delicious mouth.

Jonathan held back, he dug deep & found his self-control. He kept his kisses somewhat tame, he didn’t allow his hands to roam like he wanted, he didn’t let his lust ruin what had barely begun. He was gentle and tender, his kisses soft & sweet, his sexual appetite temporarily contained.

When he broke the kiss, Murphy leaned forward, trying to keep his lips in contact with Jonathan’s mouth.....wanting more. Jonathan chuckled, giving Murphy’s mouth a soft peck, his hand relaxing in his hair as he pulled further away.

Murphy licked his lips, distracting Jonathan for a moment, causing the man to smirk. When Murphy saw his reaction, he slowly ran his tongue over his top lip as Jonathan stared. “I do love your mouth, Murphy.”

“Then kiss me some more.”

Jonathan cocked his head, considering Murphy’s request, tempted to start what he may not be able to stop. He took a deep breath, pulling his focus from that ravenous mouth before him. “No.....I want to talk first.”

Murphy laughed out loud, expecting Jonathan to shut him up with a kiss. But Jonathan stood patiently watching him & Murphy laughed again, realizing Jonathan was serious. “Really? You want to talk? About what?”

Jonathan gently brushed Murphy’s hair out of his eyes, his voice once again firm. “About us. And how you’re going to make it up to me for what you put me through the last couple days.”


	25. Watching

Just as Connor suspected.....he fucking knew it.

Murphy didn’t leave school with Charlotte, they actually went in entirely different directions. Murphy didn’t even acknowledge her before he left, he walked right past her like she wasn’t even there, he didn’t even slow down.

Murphy lied to Connor, he flat out lied to him. There was no date with Charlotte, Murphy wasn’t going to her house.....he lied about the whole fucking thing.

Connor had watched his brother in school all day Wednesday, waiting to see him steal glances at Charlotte, waiting to see him smile at her, waiting to see him talk to her even once. But none of that happened. It was like Murphy had no interest in her whatsoever, like she was just some girl he barely knew, like she was no one special to him.

But Charlotte.....Charlotte stared at Murphy constantly, she was practically drooling. Her interest in his twin was obvious to anyone with eyes, it was like she was waiting for Murphy to notice her.....but he never did.

It didn’t make any fucking sense. They acted like strangers, not like people who were dating.

But it did make sense if Charlotte was just a cover for whatever Murphy was hiding from his brother, whatever secret he had, whatever he was doing on the sly. Now _that_ made sense.

Connor didn’t know how Jonathan fit in with Murphy’s secret but Connor was sure he was prominent, he might even be the key piece, the central figure. All the pieces pointed to Jonathan.

Murphy had tried to keep Jonathan hidden. He had been reluctant to tell Connor that Jonathan had taken care of him, given him clothes to wear, drove him home. In fact, if Connor hadn’t forced him, Murph would never have said a word.

Then there were the clothes hidden in Murphy’s backpack, Jonathan’s clothes. Murphy kept them tucked away & hidden from view, lugging them from class to class along with his books. He didn’t give the clothes to Charlotte to return to her brother, even though he had plenty of opportunity to do so.

But the thing that gnawed at Connor the most, the thing that burned in his gut, was that smell.....that fucking smell that was all over Murphy, contaminating him. Murphy came home smelling like Jonathan.....not Charlotte, but Jonathan. And that made Connor’s blood boil.

When the bell rang to end school, Connor felt compelled to follow Murphy, he had to find out what the fuck was so important that Murphy would lie to _him,_ of all people. Connor kept hidden as best he could and Murphy was so focused he didn’t seem to suspect he was being followed. Connor followed him across town until they finally ended up across the street from an apartment building.

Connor watched his brother stare at the building, his eyes locked onto one door in particular as if he were mesmerized, as if behind that door held magic. They didn’t know anyone who lived in this part of town & Connor couldn’t figure out why Murph was even here to begin with. The longer Murphy stood staring, the more anxious Connor became.

Murphy had developed a nervous habit recently & his hand made its way to his mouth, his teeth gnawing on his thumbnail as he continued to stare unblinking across the street. Connor really hated seeing Murphy like this & he wished he knew what was going on so he could fix it. Connor ducked behind a tree when Murphy suddenly began looking around, like he was afraid of being seen at this apartment, like he was doing something covert.

Connor kept hidden until he heard the knock of a door, peaking around the tree & spotting Murphy standing in front of the very apartment he had been staring at for the past couple minutes. He watched his brother fidget & squirm before knocking a second and third time when no one answered.

Connor shook his head, Murph looked like he was shitting himself, he was so nervous. But when the door slowly swung open, when Connor saw who his brother had lied about meeting, Connor was the one shitting himself.

Connor recognized the fucker from seeing Murphy riding in his car. Jonathan. The fucker who had touched his brother, the fucker who had his stink all over Murph, the fucker who was making his twin tell lies. Shit, Connor fucking hated him.

Connor watched quietly, not liking the look Jonathan was giving his brother, not liking it one bit. Murphy still looked nervous, he was still fidgeting, he was still shifting on his feet. But Jonathan was cool & collected, that man had total control over himself, unlike Murph.

Connor hoped Murphy would reach into his backpack & give the fucker his clothes back. Just give them back & go home. But instead, Murphy stepped forward when Jonathan pushed the door open.....shit, he was going inside.

That’s when Jonathan grabbed Murph’s arm. That’s when Murphy stared at Jonathan & slowly nodded. That’s when Connor almost fucking lost it.

Connor took a step forward, his hands clenched into fists, ready to beat the shit out of Jonathan for grabbing Murphy like that. Connor took a few more steps toward the pair, his eyes glued to his brother, wondering why Murphy didn’t pull away, why he let Jonathan grab him, why he was even here in the first place.

Jonathan let go of Murphy’s arm & Connor stopped his forward progress, stunned into immobility as Murphy walked into the apartment without hesitation. Jonathan quietly shut the door, separating Connor from his younger brother. He ran across the street, stopping at the door & placing his ear against the wood, trying to listen but hearing nothing.

He didn’t think twice & he really didn’t give a fuck.....he tried the door, intending to burst in if necessary, but finding it locked tight. That’s when he began to feel a sense of panic, a sense of foreboding.....he felt like he couldn’t breathe. It was the same feeling he got whenever Murphy was hurt. He felt like the most important thing in his world, his Murph, was being taken from him.

The curtains were drawn but that wouldn’t stop him from trying to see inside, he had to make sure Murphy was safe. He moved to the glass, trying to peer between the folds of the curtain, trying to see his twin.

He got a quick glimpse of Murphy as his twin dropped his backpack to the floor and then moved out of sight. Murph didn’t look like he was in trouble, he didn’t appear to be in distress of any kind. He looked flustered, nervous & highly confused. Murph looked..... _emotional._

After a few moments of seeing & hearing nothing, Connor backed off, determining his brother wasn’t in any immediate danger. He didn’t want to get caught peering into Jonathan’s window.....Murphy would never understand.

But Connor wouldn’t leave, he couldn’t walk away, he had to wait for Murphy.....no matter how long it took. He just wished he knew what was going on in that apartment.

\------

“It was hard on me too, Jonathan.”

Murphy’s words were softly spoken, his eyes full of misery, his mind still confused by Jonathan’s reaction when he first arrived at his door. He tried not to be hurt but he just couldn’t help it.....it hurt.

“I imagine it was,” Jonathan conceded, his hand stroking Murphy’s hair as he considered the quiet words mumbled by the boy he had just kissed. “And I am sorry for that.”

Murphy liked the feeling of Jonathan petting his hair, it felt comfortable, familiar.....it reminded him of Connor doing the same thing many times. Murphy felt his body relaxing to the gentle touch, his head turning toward the lingering hand, his skin craving more than just a passing glance of Jonathan’s thumb across his brow.

“Jonathan?”

Jonathan barely heard Murphy, his voice was the softest Jonathan ever heard come from those lips. When Murphy spoke in that breathy quality, when his voice was barely a whisper, Jonathan felt his attraction to the owner of that hushed voice overwhelming.

“Jonathan?” Murphy again quietly breathed out, waiting for Jonathan to acknowledge him before he continued.

“Hmmm?” Jonathan concentrated on the feel of Murphy’s hair between his fingers, marveling at how thick & incredibly soft the dark strands were. He felt Murphy lean further into his hand, obviously enjoying Jonathan’s ministrations, loving the attention, wanting it to continue.

Murphy took a deep breath, his chest heavy with the need to ask for a promise. A promise he needed before he could forgive Jonathan, a promise if denied by Jonathan, would crush him and most certainly doom their relationship.

“Promise me.....promise me you’ll always kiss me back, Jonathan. Don’t ever not kiss me back, okay?”

Jonathan’s hand stilled, suddenly realizing the depth with which he hurt Murphy simply by not responding to his sweet kiss. He cupped Murphy’s cheek as he leaned forward & said in a voice meant to convey the sincerity he felt, “I promise.”

“I need you to say it.” Murphy didn’t know why he needed to hear the actual words spoken, the words ‘I promise’ should have been enough but they just weren’t. If it was Connor, they would have been enough but for some reason, he needed more from Jonathan.

“I promise I will always kiss you back. Always. Okay?”

Murphy nodded & with a quick smile he leaned forward, putting the promise to the test. Jonathan instantly responded to Murphy’s enthusiasm, kissing back just like he promised, kissing him so that Murphy felt it down to his toes. It was an intense kiss filled with emotion, a promise of more to come and a hint of what could be. It was just the right amount of wetness & tongue and when Murphy pulled away, his knees felt weak & his head spun.

“That was nice.” Again Murphy’s soft voice pulled at Jonathan, it captivated him, it owned him.

“ _Very_ nice,” Jonathan agreed.

All Murphy wanted was to make things right, to please Jonathan, to make him happy. If Jonathan was happy, then Murphy would be happy.....that’s how it worked, right? “Jonathan? I’ll make it up to you, just like you said. Just tell me how.”

Jonathan dropped his head & the sound of his soft laugh was music to Murphy’s ears. It told him Jonathan still found him charming, he was amused by him, he was back to being the man Murphy wanted to fall in love with. The cold man from earlier seemed to have disappeared & Murphy hoped he’d never return.

“That kiss was a real good start, Murphy.”

“Are you still mad at me?” He couldn’t help but ask, he had to know where he stood.....just because Jonathan kissed him didn’t mean he wasn’t still mad. After all, Connor kissed Katie dozens of times when he was still mad at her so Jonathan might do the same.

“No, I’m not mad any more. Are you still hurt?”

Murphy didn’t know how Jonathan knew he was hurt, he thought he hid it well. He thought about lying, he almost said he wasn’t hurt at all but then he remembered.....he wanted to be honest with him, about everything except Connor.

“A bit.”

“I guess we both have a lot to make up to each other then,” Jonathan whispered, trying to match Murphy’s soft intonation. “Will you stay? And let me start?”

Murphy quickly nodded, a grin forming on his face, his tender Jonathan was back. “I’ll stay.”

\------

“I get a little possessive sometimes, Murphy. I want you all to myself. I just don’t want to share you with anyone, not even your brother.”

Murphy nearly laughed out loud.....if Jonathan only knew his brother was the Connor he was in love with he’d freak out. But Jonathan wasn’t ready for that knowledge, not yet anyway. It was too much, too soon.

They were sitting on the couch facing each other, talking quietly for the past couple hours, their fingers lightly touching & toying with each other’s hands. Jonathan said he wanted to talk, he wanted to get to know Murphy better. Jonathan wanted to learn everything about him, the conversation eventually turning to Murphy’s brother.

Murphy did his best to talk about anything else, anything other than Connor. He’d avoided it quite well actually, engaging Jonathan in discussions about their likes & loves, thrilled when he found something they had in common.

Jonathan was so much like Connor it was scary, he liked a lot of the same things, had the same outlook on life, the same things made him laugh. Murphy tried to focus on the differences, but it seemed the more he got to know Jonathan, the more he reminded him of Connor.

Jonathan again steered the conversation back to the topic at hand, back to the person Murphy was still desperately trying to get over. And talking about him certainly didn’t help.

“I’m still waiting to hear about your brother, Murphy. I don’t understand why you won’t tell me anything about him.”

Murphy knew why.....he was afraid he’d slip up. He’d have to talk in generalizations, he wouldn’t be able to say Connor’s name, otherwise Jonathan would know his secret. And when Murphy started talking about Connor, he didn’t think.....he only felt. And that was dangerous.

“I really do love your hands, Jonathan.” Murphy tickled Jonathan’s palm with his fingers, his eyes focusing on the large hand now resting palm up on his knee. “You have really nice fingers.”

Murphy’s attempt to again change the subject didn’t dissuade Jonathan, no matter how nice it felt to have Murphy stroke his skin. “Your brother.”

“What about him?” Murphy asked almost casually, still focusing on Jonathan’s palm, drawing designs with his pinky. “Does that tickle?”

“Yes,” Jonathan said while trying to hide his growing smile. He was thoroughly enjoying Murphy’s attention, his touch giving him shivers. “You’re quite the little tease, you know.”

“Do you want me to stop?” Murphy questioned, his eyes looking at Jonathan as innocently as he could muster, his fingers stopping their movement. Murphy slowly blinked, keeping that innocent look on his face, waiting for a response.

Jonathan learned on their very first date how stubborn Murphy could be, so he knew Murphy could wait all day for Jonathan to respond. With a sigh & a mock annoyed tone to his voice, Jonathan mumbled, “No, I don’t want you to fucking stop.”

“Potty mouth.” Murphy’s pinky again began to move, his lips turned upward in the slightest smile, his eyes watching Jonathan’s skin for goosebumps. “I might have to teach you some manners.”

“Please do, Mr. MacManus. You need to teach me lots of things.”

Murphy couldn’t help but laugh, being called “Mr. MacManus” sounded ridiculous to him. And teaching Jonathan sounded even more ridiculous. “I wouldn’t be much of a teacher.”

“No?” Murphy shook his head, his eyes not leaving Jonathan’s hand, embarrassed to admit he didn’t know enough to teach anybody anything, least of all Jonathan. “I think I like that about you.”

Murphy again laughed, his eyes glancing in Jonathan’s direction before again dropping to watch his hand stroke Jonathan’s fingers. “That’s only because you want to play Captain Kirk.”

“Excuse me?”

Murphy shrugged, he thought Jonathan would have understood his innuendo but now he’d have to explain. Shit, he sucked at the flirting stuff. “You know, Captain Kirk. Going where no man has gone before. You’d be Captain Kirk. Get it?”

Jonathan got it. He smiled gently, he’d already been fairly certain Murphy was a virgin so his sly way of confessing this fact didn’t surprise him at all. He was debating how to answer, he didn’t want to scare Murphy off or embarrass him, especially after he’d just shared something so sensitive & private.

Before Jonathan could respond, Murphy’s fingers left his hand and Murphy glanced at the kitchen, suddenly wanting to stop this embarrassing conversation. “Is it okay if I get a glass of water?”

Jonathan reached forward & scooped Murphy’s hand into his before he could pull away further, wrapping Murphy’s hand tight between his own hands. “Anything in this house you can have, anything at all, you don’t have to ask. And we can start with the water, okay?”

\------

Murphy stood in the kitchen, glass of water in his hand, looking at the magnets on Jonathan’s refrigerator. He was trying to avoid any conversation dealing with either Connor or his virginity. Either one was dangerous territory. And either one could get him into a lot of trouble.

Jonathan leaned against the counter, watching his guest closely, his eyes traveling over Murphy’s slim profile before settling on his animated face. He watched Murphy take a few sips of water, his eyes moving from magnet to magnet, smiling when he saw one that interested him.

“Wow. This is really cool.” Murphy reached for a magnet of a wolf, taking it into his hand & smiling as he examined it closer.

“You like wolves?”

Murphy nodded, his eyes not leaving the magnet, his body turning toward Jonathan. “I love them. My brother once gave me a book about wolves & on the cover was a wolf that looked just like this magnet.”

“Do you still have the book?”

“Of course. I’d never get rid of anything he gave me, not ever.” The sound of Murphy’s voice changed when he spoke of his brother, it was subtle but Jonathan caught it. Murphy seemed to catch it too, he suddenly looked away from the magnet & turned back to replace it to its original spot, clearing his throat.

“You sound like the younger brother. I take it he’s older than you?”

Murphy took another sip of water, his eyes finally leaving the magnet as he turned back to Jonathan. “You sure ask a lot of questions.”

“You sure avoid a lot of questions.”

Murphy put the glass on the counter, stuffing his hands in his back pockets & finally giving up. He’d avoided talking about Connor the entire time he was with Jonathan, he really couldn’t avoid it any longer, not without making Jonathan more suspicious. He’d just be careful what he said, he’d be careful not to say Connor’s name, he wouldn’t blow his secret. “We don’t know who’s older.”

“You don’t have to lie in order to avoid answering the question.”

Murphy couldn’t help but smile, the old argument playing in his mind. “I’m not lying, we really don’t know. We’re twins, Jonathan.”

Murphy enjoyed seeing people’s reaction when they found out he was a twin, it was always quite amusing. This was the first time he told anyone who was actually interested in him & Jonathan’s reaction was almost comical. His face lit up, his eyebrows raised, his smile was huge.....he actually looked like he was about to fall over.

“Wait. Twins? You mean to tell me there’s another one in this town who looks just like you? How the fuck did I miss you both for so long?”

Murphy laughed, flattered but suddenly also feeling protective of Connor. Connor was his, even if he never wanted Murphy back, Connor was still his & his alone. He took a deep breath, pushing down his feelings for his brother as deeply as he could. “You didn’t miss anything. We’re fraternal.”

“Now that’s a damn shame.” Jonathan shook his head, a disappointed look in his eye as Murphy scoffed, turning red. “You look so cute when you blush. Even your ears turn red. Has anyone ever told you that before?”

Murphy nodded with a shrug, “My brother tells me that all the time.”

“He’s right. I might just have to meet this twin brother of yours.”

No fucking way. No fucking way in hell would Murphy let that happen, it would ruin everything. Neither one would understand about the other, neither one would be able to handle it, neither one could ever find out, not ever. “Maybe someday.”

“All right, Murphy.....maybe someday. In the meantime, tell me about this brother of yours.”

Murphy really didn’t want to say anything but he could tell by the way Jonathan was looking at him that he wouldn’t let it go. “He’s just the best person I know. I’d do anything for him, anything at all.”

Over the next couple minutes Murphy told Jonathan a couple stories about Connor, carefully leaving out his name, carefully excluding anything that could be misconstrued, giving him just enough information to satisfy him. Jonathan listened & asked questions, Murphy careful with his answers, Jonathan laughing at the amusing bits Murphy shared.

Jonathan saw Murphy glance at the clock on the wall, sadly realizing their time together was about to end. Murphy couldn’t believe how late it was, time had gone by so quickly, and he had a long walk home.

Jonathan followed Murphy back into the living room, he stood watching as Murphy removed the clothing buried deep in his backpack and he smiled as their fingers touched when he took his clothes from Murphy’s hands.

Jonathan disappeared into his room for a moment, returning with Murphy’s clothes which he’d washed & ironed. Murphy laughed, seeing the rips in his jeans.....in his cleaned & pressed jeans, the blood stains faded but still present. Jonathan smiled as he packed Murphy’s clothes into his backpack & zipped it closed, carrying it to the door for Murphy.

When they reached the door, Murphy turned & leaned against the door, his back flush with the wood. “How soon can I see you again?”

“Dinner tomorrow night. I’ll cook for you.”

Murphy’s mouth hung open. He always dreamed of dating someone who wanted to cook for him.....to Murphy, it seemed romantic. “Really?”

“Really. Come over right after school. I’ll be here waiting for you.”

Murphy nodded & Jonathan leaned forward, connecting their mouths in a heated kiss. Jonathan pressed him into the door as their tongues began their dance, their mouths open to the other, their bodies melding into one. Murphy wrapped his arms around his waist, his hands feeling Jonathan’s broad back muscles, his ears hearing his own soft moans that he couldn’t stop.

Their kiss was far too brief and Murphy always seemed to be left wanting more. He was still pressed against the door as Jonathan began to kiss his neck just below his right ear, one of his ticklish spots, and he quietly laughed.

“I need to go, Jonathan. My brother will freak out if I’m too late.” That was certainly the truth, there was no lie in that statement. Even though Murphy said he’d be late,   
Connor would still worry. Like Connor always said, it was his job to worry about Murphy.

Jonathan kissed his neck one final time before gently kissing his lips. “I’m glad you were here tonight. And I know I was a dick to you but sometimes I get a little crazy jealous.”

“It’s okay, I forgive you.” Murphy accepted an apology that was never actually uttered, not seeming to realize this. “I understand.”

“Good.....good,” Jonathan said with a smile. “Now I’m going to take you home, no arguments.”

But argue Murphy did. Murphy argued as Jonathan grabbed his keys & carried his backpack to the car for him, tossing it in the backseat. Murphy argued as Jonathan held the car door open for him & waited patiently for Murphy to relent, which he eventually did. Murphy argued as Jonathan thanked him for letting him drive him home.

And Murphy argued as Connor watched from the shadows.....wondering what the fuck was going on.


	26. Awakening

Connor stood dumbfounded in the dark. What the fuck just happened?

Murphy had been in Jonathan’s apartment for hours, doing God knows what, while Connor paced across the street. The entire time Murphy was inside, Connor felt like he was going nuts. This wasn’t his usual _“worry about Murphy”_ feeling, this was different, this was new. He felt something deep in his heart he couldn’t explain. Connor felt..... _jealous,_ but that made no sense, none at all.

When the door finally opened, Connor watched his brother follow Jonathan to his car, he listened to Murphy argue about not needing a ride home. Jonathan seemed unaffected by Murphy’s words, he almost seemed amused, he acted like he knew what was best for Murph. That pissed Connor off.....only he knew what was best for Murph, not that fucker.

Usually Murphy’s stubbornness wore people down but this time, Murphy didn’t put up much of a fight, hardly any at all. Connor had seen his headstrong brother dig his heels in on many occasions but this was nothing, it was like he _wanted_ Jonathan to drive him home. Murphy even let Jonathan hold the door for him while he got in the car.

Connor was frozen in place, staring at the receding car, watching Jonathan drive off with his brother. Connor watched that fucker take his twin away.

All the way home, Connor thought about the situation, he stewed over it. Murphy lied about his “date,” it wasn’t with Charlotte, it was Jonathan he met on the sly. Murphy snuck around behind Connor’s back. He’d never done that before, not ever, and Connor couldn’t help but feel hurt & confused.

There was something about Jonathan that rubbed Connor wrong.....he had the oddest feeling about the man. Maybe it was the way Jonathan looked at Murph, like he owned him, or maybe it was just Connor’s jealousy taking hold. Whatever the reason, Connor just didn’t like Murphy spending time with Jonathan.

Connor walked as fast as he could toward home, breaking into a run as often as his lungs would allow. He was almost home when Jonathan’s car passed him going the other way, devoid of his brother. Connor glared at the vehicle as it whizzed by, he thought he missed that prick’s car, it shouldn’t have taken that long just to drop off Murph.....what the hell were they doing?

Murphy needed to wank. After the kiss Jonathan gave him in the car, after the way Jonathan whispered in his ear how much he wanted him, after he sucked on his neck.....Murphy was hot & bothered, and rock hard.

He still couldn’t believe he let Jonathan kiss him in the car. It went against his better judgment but after the evening they’d had, he just couldn’t say no. So when Jonathan pulled the car to the side of the road & told him how happy he was that Murphy chose him, when he asked for _“just a little kiss goodnight,”_ Murphy happily nodded. He wanted Jonathan’s mouth on his, he wanted that kiss more than anything, he wanted Jonathan to touch him. It was worth the risk.

Murphy could still picture Jonathan’s smile when Murphy nodded, he could picture his eyes filled with desire as he took Murphy by the chin & kissed him, he could still see the look of disappointment on Jonathan’s face when they parted for the night.

And as Murphy stood naked in his bathroom, his thick dick in his hand, he could still taste Jonathan on his lips.

Connor entered their quiet bedroom, almost tripping over Murphy’s clothes which were scattered across the floor. It looked like Murphy stripped off his clothes in his haste to get to the bathroom, leaving a trail of clothing that led to the closed door. Connor quickly walked to the bathroom door, pausing to listen, afraid that Murphy was sick.

When he heard Murph moan & whisper _“oh fuck,”_ Connor lifted his hand to the doorknob, ready to burst inside to take care of his sick twin. But the sound of Murphy panting stopped Connor before he could turn the doorknob. That sound wasn’t the sound of his twin being sick, it wasn’t the sound of his brother with the flu.....it was the sound of Murphy wanking.

Connor released the doorknob, pressing his ear against the door, listening carefully. He was only listening to make sure Murph really wasn’t sick, that’s all, he wasn’t listening for any other reason. Connor heard the quick little moans, grunts really, coming from behind the door followed by another curse from Murphy’s lips.

Connor smiled, his brother had such a trash mouth, even when jerking off. Murphy’s moans actually sounded kind of sexy and Connor wondered who Murphy was thinking about as he played with himself.

Murphy was close to cumming, his hand working faster as he stroked himself, his eyes clenched shut. His thoughts were of Jonathan when he first touched himself.....how Jonathan kissed, how he smelled, how he tasted..... _how he’d fuck._ But somewhere between that first touch  & the current pull on his dick, Jonathan changed to Connor. It was always Connor who Murphy thought of when he came, it was always Connor’s name on his lips, in every way it was always Connor. This time was no exception.

Connor felt his hand drift to his cock, he couldn’t help himself, Murphy’s sounds were turning him on. He squeezed himself through his jeans, pressing his palm into his stiffening dick as he rested his forehead against the door & continued to listen to his twin. Connor closed his eyes, his hand grinding, his breathing growing as heavy as what he was listening to. He told himself to stop, he told himself Murphy deserved privacy, he told himself to walk away. But he didn’t, he couldn’t.

Connor stayed. Connor listened. Connor touched himself.

Murphy’s orgasm brought him to his knees, his unfettered moan echoing in the room, his cum covering his hand in sticky gobs. He wasn’t quiet in the least and he thanked God Connor wasn’t home, he’d never live it down if Connor heard him cum so loudly. He stayed on his knees as he struggled to catch his breath, his body glistening with sweat, his dick slowly softening in his grip.

Connor froze in place, squeezing himself firmly as he heard Murphy cum. He wished he could see Murph’s face just before his orgasm took hold & then watch him ride out the sensation, watch his features contort in pleasure. Connor remembered how his twin looked that time Murphy humped him in bed, when Murph had been out of control & couldn’t stop.....when he’d watch Murphy cum.

Murphy had looked beautiful.

There was no more noise from the bathroom, not a peep, it was quiet enough to hear a pin drop. Connor didn’t dare move. If he moved, the floor might creak & his twin would know he was just outside the door, listening. He couldn’t get caught, he’d never be able to explain standing there with a hard-on. Murph would never understand..... _He_ didn’t understand. So Connor stood motionless, he held himself  & he waited.

When Murphy turned the faucet on to clean himself, Connor quickly left the room & went outside, not stopping until he reached the back of the barn where he’d be hidden in the shadows. He unzipped & pulled his still hard prick out, fisting himself.

Listening to Murph jerk off had Connor close to cumming and he didn’t need much more to shoot his load. He crumbled to his knees when he felt his balls tightening & he bit his lip to remain quiet, not wanting his voice to draw any attention. A half dozen fist pumps later had Connor shooting his cum into the dirt, carefully avoiding his jeans but unable to avoid his hand. He struggled to catch his breath, his heavy breathing louder than he wanted.....this orgasm was the most intense one he’d ever had.

Connor shook his head, he’d invaded his brother’s most private moment. He’d gotten hard.....he’d jerked off.....because of Murph. Try as he might, he couldn’t understand what possessed him to not only listen to Murphy play with himself, but to touch his own cock while he listened. And then to cum so hard because of it.

Connor pushed the thought from his mind, he couldn’t think about all that right now, he’d figure it out later. He leaned to the side & wiped his hand in a patch of grass before tucking himself back into his jeans. He stood & adjusted his balls, his eyes on their bedroom window before slowly walking back to the house.

Connor made as much noise as he could going up the stairs to their bedroom, he wanted Murphy to think he was just getting home. Murphy was sitting on his bed in clean boxers & he smiled when Connor entered the room. Connor smiled back, grateful he didn’t blush like his brother. He noticed Murphy had picked up the clothes from the floor.....Connor must have been outside longer than he thought.

“So how is Charlotte?”

He locked eyes with Murphy, wondering if he would tell the truth.

“She’s good.”

“You went there right after school?” Murphy nodded, sticking to his lie. “What did they have for supper?”

“Baked chicken, mashed potatoes and corn. It was good.” No hesitation, no staring at Connor’s feet, Murphy had practiced his lie.

“She a good kisser?”

“Yeah, real good. In fact, I’m going over again tomorrow after school. I’ll probably be out late, so you don’t have to wait up for me.” Again, no hesitation. Again, a practiced response.....Murph was getting good at lying.

“You don’t say? Two nights in a row?”

Murphy nodded, starting to look slightly nervous.....two nights in a row didn’t seem like too much when you liked someone. And he liked Jonathan.

“You should invite her here instead, Murph. I’d like to meet her, seeing as you seem to like her so much.”

Murphy’s eyes widened, Connor couldn’t talk to Charlotte, that would ruin everything.....she was his lie, not his girl. “She’s really shy, Connor. Please don’t say anything to her, you’ll ruin my chances if you do.”

“Shy, huh?” Connor let his brother sweat for a moment, he let him stare with wide eyes waiting for an answer, an answer Connor said very slowly. “Well I wouldn’t want to ruin your chances with her.”

Murphy relaxed visibly when Connor relented. His lie was safe. For now.

“Is there anything you want to tell me, Murph? Anything at all?”

Murphy didn’t know why Connor was asking him that question. His lie about Charlotte was completely believable, there were no holes in it, no way for Connor to know it was anything but the truth.

“No.....there’s nothing to tell. I just like her a lot, s’all, no big deal.”

“No big deal. Okay, Murph.” But to Connor it was a big deal, a very big deal. It was a lie Murphy kept telling, over and over. It was a lie that involved Jonathan in some way. It was a lie that Connor didn’t like one bit.

Connor knew Murphy was going to Jonathan’s again tomorrow. What he didn’t know was why.


	27. Time With Jonathan

The school day lasted forever. Every time Murphy looked at the clock, he swore it actually moved backward. He never heard the lectures, he couldn’t concentrate on any assignments, he had a one track mind. All Murphy thought about was Jonathan.

When school finally ended, Murphy tried not to run to Jonathan’s place. He didn’t want to appear too eager but he wanted to see Jonathan so badly he couldn’t help himself. He read somewhere that being eager was a turnoff & he hoped that wasn’t the case.....one thing he didn’t want to do was turnoff Jonathan.

His quiet knock was answered almost immediately, the door slowly swinging open to reveal a shirtless Jonathan. Murphy gawked at the sight of the half-naked man.....Jonathan had a fantastic body. Murphy’s eyes dropped to the man’s torso, seeing the muscles he had only previously felt through clothing, his blush instantaneous.

Jonathan held his position. He posed, he flexed, he let the boy stare. After a moment, Murphy grinned in appreciation.....he liked what he saw.

Murphy forced his eyes back to Jonathan’s face, watching the slow smirk start on Jonathan’s lips, seeing the satisfaction grow in his eyes after he saw Murphy’s reaction. Jonathan knew exactly what he was doing.

They held eyes for a moment, Jonathan smirking & Murphy blushing. Murphy expected Jonathan to say something but he just stood there.....beautiful & shirtless. Finally, Murphy shyly looked away & he nervously whispered, “Hi.”

Without a word in response, Jonathan pushed the door open wider, the smirk not leaving his face. Murphy glanced at him, wondering why Jonathan wasn’t saying anything, not even hello. He stepped inside & paused as Jonathan closed the door & then moved to block his path. Murphy waited for Jonathan to speak but he was silent.

“Jonathan?”

Jonathan took the backpack from his shoulder and tossed it to the floor, his eyes scanning Murphy’s face.

“You’re making me nervous,” Murphy confessed, although Jonathan already knew he was nervous, it was fairly obvious. “Say something.”

Jonathan said nothing. Instead, he closed the gap between them & lowered his face to Murphy’s neck, his lips lightly sucking his skin. He wrapped his arms underneath Murphy’s & pulled his body close. Murphy held on to Jonathan’s bare shoulders, feeling his muscles under his fingers as Jonathan lifted him gently in the air.

It felt odd to be lifted like that, even by someone as strong as Jonathan, but the loss of control didn’t bother Murphy. He gave up control to Connor all the time. He was often pinned to the floor & held down by Connor so this was nothing. In fact, it was actually kind of enjoyable.

Jonathan slowly walked toward the kitchen with Murphy still in his arms, his lips not losing contact with the heated skin.

“Jonathan?” Murphy whispered, his voice a slight laugh, his breath hot in the man’s ear. “Jonathan?”

Jonathan didn’t seem to hear him.....or he ignored him. Either way, Jonathan didn’t respond, he kept walking. When they reached the kitchen, Jonathan stopped & finally pulled his face from Murphy’s neck, looking as overheated as Murphy felt.

“Are you gonna put me down?”

The smirk was back. Jonathan slowly shook his head ‘no,’ his amused eyes watching Murphy for his reaction.

“Jonathan.....” Murphy whined, glancing around, suddenly feeling the strangeness of their position. He marveled at how strong Jonathan was, he wasn’t even breaking a sweat, he looked like he could hold Murphy in the air for hours.

Then Jonathan was moving again, causing Murphy to look over his shoulder, trying to see where Jonathan was taking him. Jonathan stopped when he reached the counter, lifting Murphy to sit him on top, his arms finally releasing him. Jonathan’s hands moved to Murphy’s knees & pulled them apart, moving to stand between his legs, his hands resting on Murphy’s spread thighs.

“Aren’t you going to say something?” Murphy quietly asked. For some reason, he was bothered by Jonathan’s silence more than by being manhandled.

Jonathan nodded, “Hi.”

Murphy laughed, slightly embarrassed. “That’s my line.”

Jonathan shrugged and Murphy couldn’t help but ask, “Don’t you want to kiss me?”

Jonathan’s hand rubbed Murphy’s thigh firmly as he slowly nodded, his eyes overflowing with growing excitement for the boy.

“Then kiss me.” It wasn’t a command, it was more of a soft plea. A plea Jonathan couldn’t resist.

Their mouths met, their lips parted, their tongues touched. The kiss was a gentle hello, a softness Murphy couldn’t get enough of and a wetness Jonathan found enticing. Murphy tasted sweet while Jonathan tasted spicy, each offsetting the other.

Murphy leaned forward, trying to deepen the kiss, wanting more of Jonathan’s mouth. But Jonathan leaned away from Murphy, not letting him take control, keeping their kiss somewhat chaste. When Jonathan suddenly separated their lips, Murphy tried to pull him back but Jonathan smirked & shook his head ‘no.’

“Don’t, Jonathan.” Murphy softly whined & gave Jonathan the look that always worked on Connor. Whenever Murphy used that combination on his twin, he always got what he wanted, every single time. But for some reason, the soft voice & pleading look didn’t seem to work on Jonathan. Murphy was confused.....it should have worked.

Jonathan took Murphy by the chin & leaned forward, Murphy thinking he was getting his way. But then Jonathan dipped his head and attached his lips to Murphy’s neck, releasing his chin. It wasn’t what Murphy wanted, it was what Jonathan wanted, but Jonathan’s mouth felt incredible on his neck & Murphy softly sighed.

Jonathan squeezed Murphy’s thigh before sliding his hand to the hem of his shirt. Before Murphy realized it, Jonathan had his shirt off his body & dropped to the floor, his lips quickly returning to Murphy’s throat. Jonathan placed his hands on Murphy’s waist, roughly pulling him close to the edge of the counter, his fingers pressing into Murphy’s bare skin just above his belt. Murphy’s hands went to Jonathan’s shoulders, hanging on tight, enjoying the feel of his hard muscles.

“Where’s that ticklish spot?” Jonathan mumbled against Murphy’s skin, his tongue gliding toward his ear, kisses following the wet path. Murphy quietly laughed when Jonathan licked the area on his neck just below his ear, causing chills to run up his spine. Jonathan licked his neck between kisses, adding a gentle bite on that exact same spot, trying for more shivers. He bit harder until Murphy’s body shivered beneath him, slowly returning to soft kisses up & down his neck.

When Jonathan lifted his head & pecked Murphy’s lips, Murphy knew he was stopping. Jonathan loosened the grip on his waist & Murphy couldn’t help the look of disappointment on his face, in his eyes, in the weak smile he gave Jonathan.

Jonathan stared at him, his lips turning upward in realization and finally he spoke more than one word. “You don’t want me to stop, do you?”

Murphy was now the silent one. He shook his head, he wanted more.

“You liked it?”

Murphy wasn’t ashamed to admit he liked it.....he liked it a lot. He answered Jonathan’s question with an eager nod, hoping the man would resume.

Jonathan responded with his familiar chuckle & a squeeze of Murphy’s thigh. “I liked it too. But we have all night & I need to stop.....or I won’t be responsible for my actions.”

Murphy took a deep breath & nodded, disappointed they were stopping but excited for what might happen as the night progressed. His eyes left Jonathan’s face & he looked at the floor for his shirt, intending to dress. Jonathan followed his eyes, picked up the shirt, and folded it methodically.

“You’ll get this back when I’m done with you and not a second before,” Jonathan directed, entertained by the look of surprise on Murphy’s face. “Do you have a problem with that?”

Murphy wasn’t sure if Jonathan was serious or if he was playing.....he chose to believe he was playing. When Murphy responded with a quiet “no,” Jonathan disappeared briefly before returning empty handed.

Apparently Jonathan was serious.

\------

“Am I making you forget Connor yet?”

Murphy was still sitting on the kitchen counter, watching Jonathan cut vegetables for a salad. Jonathan refused to let Murphy help in any way, relegating him to observation only. Murphy didn’t mind too terribly much, seeing as it gave him the opportunity to watch Jonathan & get a longer look at his incredible body.

Murphy was relieved Jonathan was so focused on the cutting board otherwise he would have seen Murphy’s face change before he could cover it up.....his face always changed whenever he heard Connor’s name, it was a purely instinctual reaction.

Jonathan would see through any lie Murphy would attempt but at the same time, Murphy couldn’t be honest, not to Jonathan, not about Connor. Not yet. He had to find a happy medium. His words were carefully chosen, intending not to hurt.

“No.....but being with you helps me get over him, if that’s what you mean.”

“That’s not what I mean but I guess it’s a start.” Jonathan moved on to cut carrots, his knife moving slowly, the clicking sound of the knife on the cutting board filling the kitchen. “Tell me about Connor. I’d like to know about the guy who owns your heart.”

“He doesn’t own my heart, Jonathan,” Murphy denied quietly. He couldn’t say those words with any conviction because he knew they weren’t true. Connor owned every piece of him, not just his heart. And he always would.

“Right now he does. And we both know it. But I intend to take his place, Murphy.” Jonathan paused & looked at Murphy for emphasis before his eyes again returned to the cutting board. “Now tell me about my competition. Tell me about _Connor.”_

Murphy didn’t like the way Jonathan said his brother’s name, it made him feel defensive. But given the circumstance, given the fact that he’d admitted to Jonathan he was in love with Connor, it was actually understandable.

“It’s not a competition. I already told you he doesn’t feel the same way about me, so it’s not like you have anything to worry about. Besides, Connor likes girls. He’d never be interested in me, not in a million years.”

Jonathan practically grunted in response. Murphy didn’t know how to interpret that grunt, Jonathan was either unsatisfied with Murphy’s response or he didn’t believe him. Either way, tension had developed between them, tension Murphy didn’t know how to stop.

“Famous last words, Murphy.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Forget it.....just fucking forget it.”

The sound of Jonathan’s voice reminded Murphy of the other night, when Jonathan had been so cold & angry. He watched Jonathan’s face, seeing a slew of emotions behind his eyes, most notably the returning anger. “I don’t understand why you’re so mad.”

“How can you not understand?” Jonathan put down the knife & scooped the sliced vegetables into his hands, tossing them into the large bowl. His voice sounded more irritated than the minute prior. “I told you I get a little crazy jealous sometimes, Murphy. You’re in love with someone else and you keep avoiding my questions about him. So forgive me if I’m a little annoyed with you right now.”

Jonathan started to clean up the mess he had made, ignoring Murphy as he placed dishes in the sink. Suddenly Jonathan turned & looked directly at Murphy, his eyes blazing, his words firm. “You’re with _me_ now, not him. You chose to be _here_ …..with _me,_ Murphy.”

“I know. And I want to be with you,” Murphy nodded, making sure he kept his voice steady & his eyes unwavering. “But it bothers me when you keep asking about Connor. I’m just not ready to tell you about him yet.”

Jonathan suspected there was much more to the story than the little bits Murphy told him. He just didn’t have all the pieces yet. “You said he wasn’t your ex. Is he your current then? Is that it?”

Murphy didn’t hesitate, his answer honest. “You’re my current.”

Jonathan took a deep breath, his voice less annoyed but still holding an edge. “All right, I’ll try to be patient with you and not let this ruin our evening.....I'll be patient.”

Murphy breathed a sigh of relief.....he wouldn’t have to explain any further about Connor tonight.

“But Murphy.....remember, you gave your heart to me. And just so you know, I won’t give it back.”

\------

“Try this.”  
They were sitting on the couch talking quietly after dinner when Jonathan dipped his finger into the crystal serving bowl he had placed on the table, coating his finger in melted chocolate. He held his finger out toward Murphy, his eyes gauging his reaction, Jonathan waiting with the patience he had promised to have.

Murphy knew what Jonathan wanted, he may not have a lot of experience but he certainly wasn’t stupid. Jonathan watched Murphy hesitate, he watched him stare at his finger, he watched the boy consider his options. Then he watched Murphy reach for his hand & take his finger into his mouth.

Murphy wrapped his lips around Jonathan’s finger, sucking firmly, his eyes holding a mischievous glint as he pulled the entire finger into his mouth. He slowly sucked it clean, smiling at Jonathan all the while, eventually allowing it to slide from his mouth, his tongue leisurely dragging against Jonathan’s finger as it left his lips. His tongue ran across his lips, taking care of any stray chocolate that may have lingered behind.....Jonathan watching the entire incident with hot breath & rapt attention.

“I like something sweet after dinner,” Murphy said with an innocence Jonathan didn’t fully believe, considering how Murphy had just sucked on his finger like it was a dick.

“I do too. Did I ever tell you how sweet you are?”

Murphy shook his head & rolled his eyes, calling Jonathan out on his bullshit. “You’re not smooth at all. I expected a bit more from you, Jonathan.”

“Call me Captain Kirk.”

Murphy laughed & shook his head again. “I’m not calling you Captain Kirk.”

“You will,” Jonathan promised with raised eyebrows. “Soon.”

“You wish.”

After a moment, they both broke into laughter.....laughter which stopped when Jonathan handed the bowl to Murphy. “It’s playtime & it’s your turn with the chocolate.”

Murphy swirled the melted chocolate in the bowl, watching it coat the sides, not sure what this game entailed. He was stalling, trying to decide what to do, wanting to do something Jonathan would find sexy but not wanting to go too far. He dipped his finger into the chocolate & narrowed his eyes at Jonathan. “You’re about to get really sticky.”

“I already am.”

Murphy smirked & made a face.

“Still not smooth enough?” Jonathan asked, leaning forward, waiting.

“Nope. That’s dirty, not smooth. There’s a difference. _Captain.”_

Murphy reached for Jonathan’s face, smearing a chocolate streak down his cheek & over his lips. Jonathan sat still as Murphy slid closer & brought his mouth to Jonathan’s cheek, his tongue slowly licking him clean. Murphy then ran his tongue across Jonathan’s lips, removing the chocolate as Jonathan smiled. Murphy ended with a soft kiss to his lips before sitting back with his own smile of satisfaction.

“My turn.” Jonathan dipped his fingers after placing the bowl on the table, going straight for Murphy’s neck, smearing his skin with chocolate. Before Murphy could respond, Jonathan’s lips were attached to his neck, his tongue licking in long strokes, his teeth following with tiny bites.

“What is it with you and my neck?” Murphy said between laughs, Jonathan’s mouth moving down to his shoulder & collarbone, his tongue in constant movement, his teeth nipping. “There’s no chocolate there, ya know.”

Jonathan pulled away, redipped his fingers & smeared chocolate across Murphy’s shoulder & collarbone. “There is now.”

“Fucking cheater.”

Long, wet strokes of Jonathan’s tongue cleaned Murphy’s shoulder, Jonathan mumbling one word in response before he moved to Murphy’s collarbone.....“ingenuity.”

Murphy let Jonathan suck on his collarbone, shocking himself that he liked the feeling as much as he did. Jonathan kept his mouth attached to Murphy’s skin long after Murphy knew the chocolate was gone & he whispered in Jonathan’s ear. “I want another turn.”

Jonathan sat back with a massive smile, his arms spread open. “God, please. Take a turn.”

“Oh, I’m taking a turn,” Murphy promised, licking his lips as he covered his fingers in chocolate. “Don’t look.” He leaned forward, drawing on Jonathan’s chest & stomach, redipping his fingers as needed. Jonathan watched Murphy’s face carefully, smiling when he looked up & met his eyes. When Murphy was done, he sat back & motioned for Jonathan to look down.

Over his heart, Murphy had written _“M &J”_ and across his stomach Murphy had scrawled _“cheater.”_ Murphy broke into a fit of laughter as Jonathan first smiled warmly  & then lifted his eyebrows in surprise when he saw his stomach.

Jonathan pointed at his stomach & Murphy didn’t hesitate, he quickly got to work. Jonathan watched Murphy as he bent his head dangerously close to his groin, he watched his tongue dart out & lick, he watched Murphy kiss the taut skin of his stomach over & over. Jonathan closed his eyes & placed his hand on Murphy’s head, envisioning his mouth just slightly south.

Murphy didn’t stop licking, no matter how tired his tongue became. When he felt Jonathan’s hand on the back of his head, he smiled & glanced at his face, surprised to see his eyes were closed. “You taste good,” Murphy mumbled as he flattened his tongue & gave a strong lick to Jonathan’s abdominal muscle, smiling as it twitched in response. “Better than chocolate.”

With one final soft kiss to Jonathan’s skin just above his belt buckle, Murphy pulled his face from Jonathan’s body, the man’s hand sliding from his hair with great reluctance. Murphy sat back & waited for Jonathan to open his eyes, smiling at the man when he finally did.

“I want you so fucking bad, Murphy, you have no idea.”

Murphy’s eyes darted to Jonathan’s massive bulge, much larger since Murphy started to lick his stomach. “I sort of have an idea, Jonathan.”

Murphy couldn’t help but smile.....he’d made Jonathan hard. Usually Murphy was the one with the raging hard on but this time.....he’d made Jonathan hard. Without even touching it.

Jonathan scooted closer to Murphy, pushing him onto his back & pressing him into the cushions. Jonathan began to kiss Murphy, his mouth not as tender as it usually was, his tongue not as shallow. Murphy liked kissing, and kissing Jonathan was amazing, this time even more exciting knowing Jonathan was already hard because of him.

That hardness pressed into Murphy’s thigh until Jonathan shifted on top of him, moving Murphy’s legs apart, placing his body between his spread thighs.

The kisses didn’t stop, they didn’t slow, they intensified.

The tongues were sucked on, they teased, they tasted.

Their bodies sweat, their arms clutched each other, their voices moaned.

Then Jonathan pressed his erection into Murphy. He grinded his hardness against Murphy’s growing prick. He rutted on top of the boy forcefully, shocking Murphy.

Murphy pulled his mouth away with a gasp, turning his head, suddenly unsure of himself. He knew what would happen if he let this continue & he wasn’t sure if he was ready for that. He wanted to make Jonathan happy, he wanted to make Jonathan feel good, he wanted to fuck him. But he was suddenly so scared.

“It’s okay, just relax,” Jonathan whispered in his ear, pulling on his earlobe with his teeth. “I’ll be gentle, I promise.”

Murphy’s mind was racing. What should he do? He wanted to lose his virginity to Connor.....that was always his plan, up to this exact moment, that was his plan. Connor was supposed to be his first.

Jonathan was grinding his cock into Murphy again, hard enough to quickly stiffen Murphy’s dick completely. Murphy moaned, the friction felt so fucking good.....he couldn’t think. He was obsessed with the feeling between his legs when he felt Jonathan’s hand at his belt, then over his zipper, then in his boxers.

“Jonathan, wait,” Murphy moaned, needing to stop before this went any further, it was already too fast. It was too much. He couldn’t think with Jonathan touching him like that.

“I promise it’ll feel good,” Jonathan whispered as his hand felt Murphy’s hardness, pulled on his dick, he squeezed & rubbed.

“Oh shit.....oh shit, it feels amazing but we need to stop.” Murphy shifted beneath him & gently pulled at Jonathan’s wrist, the hand releasing him.

Jonathan sat up with a loud grunt, Murphy following with his own grunt, the tip of his dick protruding through the zipper of his open jeans, tenting his boxers. Murphy glanced down, noticing the wet spot on his boxers from his precum, trying to shift away so Jonathan wouldn’t notice.

“I’m sorry, Jonathan. I didn’t mean to be such a.....a.....”

“Cock tease?”

Murphy nodded, his voice exceeding soft. “Yeah, I didn’t mean to be a cock tease.”

Jonathan rubbed his hand over his face, his breathing becoming more controlled. “I told you I’d be patient, Murphy. It’s fine, I can wait.”

“You’re not mad?”

Jonathan looked at him, his face red with excitement, his eyes blazing with the fire of lust. “I’m trying not to be.”

“Okay.....I understand.”

Jonathan leaned over & gently shoulder bumped him as Murphy turned away from his staring eyes. “Come on, it’s okay. I’ll survive. Not happily, but I will survive.”

Jonathan stood & situated his clothing, leaving the room for a moment & returning with Murphy’s shirt.

“Does this mean you’re done with me?” Murphy asked as he took his shirt from Jonathan’s hand.

“Yes, Murphy. I’m done with you. Get dressed.”

Murphy pulled his shirt over his head, Jonathan watching as he stood & zipped his pants. Murphy was staring at the floor, his emotions almost killing him. “Jonathan.....are you done with me forever?”

Jonathan walked up to Murphy & wrapped his arms around the shaking boy, hugging him tightly. He pressed his lips against Murphy’s ear. “No, not forever. Just for tonight. I’m your current, remember?”

Murphy relaxed in Jonathan’s arms, hugging him tightly, burying his face in the man’s shoulder.

Murphy nodded, Jonathan was his current but he still felt like shit. He had fun exciting Jonathan, making him hard, he knew what he was doing.....he just didn’t expect it to get that far that fast. Tonight, he was a cock tease.

But besides all that, what made Murphy really feel like shit is the fact that if Murphy had been on the couch with Connor, if it had been Connor rutting against him, Murphy wouldn’t have stopped. He’d have gone all the way & never looked back. He’d have made love with Connor all night long.


	28. Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is such a blast to write. Thank you for the kudos & thank you to all who have read & continue to read this story. An extra special thank you to those who comment. Without your comments, quite frankly I probably would not have put so much effort & heart into this story. I thank you all so much, you have blown me away. Please continue to let me know your thoughts on-going. I read each comment & take your words to heart.
> 
> To those waiting ever so patiently for Conphy, it is close, so very close. I have not forsaken Conphy. Thank you for staying with me.

“What the fuck are you staring at Connor?”

Murphy woke to find his brother standing over him, his brow furrowed with concern, his eyes scanning his face. It wasn’t unusual to wake and find Connor hovering over him, Murphy knew Connor sometimes watched him sleep, especially lately. But Connor didn’t greet him with his usual smile or his usual joke. Or even his usual smack to the gut. Connor greeted him with an intense look of worry.

“Are you okay, Murph?”

Murphy smiled, his brother was always so worried about him, sometimes needlessly, like now. It was one of Murphy’s favorite things about Connor, the way he kept a watchful eye, the way he doted, the way he loved him like no other.

“I was fine until you woke me up. Asshole.”

Connor sat on Murphy’s bed, his concern still apparent, his demeanor sedate. Murphy calling Connor an asshole should have resulted in a smart ass comment from his twin, a _“fuck you, Murph”_ or even Connor giving him the finger. But Connor had no reaction, he ignored the asshole comment, he sat quietly considering his words while Murphy patiently waited.

“No, seriously Murph. Tell me the truth. What’s going on?” Connor’s voice was softer than usual & Murphy felt the familiar tug on his heart whenever Connor sounded like that. All the old feelings came roaring back, the love for his twin crashed into his heart, thoughts of Connor consumed him once more. When Connor spoke, nothing else mattered, nothing else existed, the entire world dissolved away & only Connor remained.

“Murph?”

Murphy smiled at his brother again, trying to assuage his fears. As much as Murphy loved how Connor fussed over him, he didn’t like it when Connor was this worried, this upset.

“Conn.....I’m fine,” Murphy said in his softest voice, his hand moving to cover Connor’s in reassurance, his fingers stroking his brother’s skin. Murphy knew he shouldn’t take advantage like this, he shouldn’t use Connor’s concern to maul his twin, but it was only his hand.....what was the harm in that? He was only trying to comfort his brother, that’s all.

Normally when Murphy used that voice, gave him that look, touched him that way, Connor backed off. But this time, Connor didn’t relent. This time Connor called him out. This time Connor demanded answers.

“Don’t work me, Murph. I know something’s going on and all I want is for you to tell me the truth.”

Murphy stalled the movement of his fingers but kept his hand on Connor’s, not wanting to lose the contact he needed so desperately, the connection his heart still screamed for, the skin on skin feeling that made him feel alive whenever he touched Connor.

“What are you going on about? I’m telling you the truth.....I’m okay. Don’t I look it?”

Connor shook his head & Murphy wasn’t sure what he saw in Connor’s gaze. It was more than just brotherly concern, it was more than just the usual look he gave Murphy.....Connor’s gaze held a weight that wasn’t there a couple weeks ago, it held an intensity that Murphy felt pierce his soul. Connor was looking at him like Jonathan looked at him, but that was impossible.

“How’d you get those bruises, Murph?”

Connor motioned to Murphy’s bare torso, to his waist, to the dark marks that were prominent against his fair skin. Murphy bruised easily but he never would have guessed those marks were on his body, the marks he hadn’t noticed until just now, the marks from Jonathan’s fingers.

“I don’t know. Probably from playing football.”

“You don’t get marks like that from playing football. When you were sleeping I saw them on your side & back too, like someone grabbed you really hard. See?”

Connor placed his hand on Murphy’s hip, his thumb resting on the bruise on Murphy’s belly and his fingers resting on the bruises on his side & back. His other hand went to Murphy’s other hip and he placed his fingers in the same configuration.....Connor’s hands were in the exact same position Jonathan’s had been when he’d manhandled Murphy.

“The bruises are from fingers. Who grabbed you?”

“No one.” Murphy squirmed under Connor’s fingers, he was trying to come up with an excuse, any excuse, that would explain those marks away.....any excuse that Connor would accept. But his mind was blank.

“Conn, it’s nothing,” Murphy whispered, hoping Connor would drop it but knowing he wouldn’t.

Connor released him & sat back, his eyes narrowed. “Nothing. Like the nothing on your arm? From where your friend grabbed you?”

Murphy looked at his arm, the dark bruise still not faded from where Jonathan grabbed him earlier in the week. “That? That’s from football too, Conn. The same guy grabbed me both times.”

“Jonathan. Right?”

Murphy wasn’t sure why Connor chose Jonathan’s name above all others, why he picked Jonathan as the one who bruised him. Connor was fishing for information, that’s it, Connor always had to know everything Murphy did.....he was overly concerned. And overly nosy.

Connor was connecting the dots, he was getting too close to the truth. Murphy had to think quickly, he had to distract his brother. “You know I bruise easy. I always have. You remember that time you pinned me face down & I got bruises all along my cheek & jaw? Ma wanted to kill you. Remember?”

“I remember every bruise you’ve ever had, Murph. And as I recall, Ma wanted to kill both of us. Me for bruising you & you for trying to break everything in the house. Remember?”

Murphy nodded, remembering that particular temper tantrum, it had been a bad one. The memory served its purpose, it distracted Connor, and Murphy waited for him to move away. He waited for him to forget the bruises, he waited for Connor to forget about Jonathan.

“So back to Jonathan. I know he’s the one who bruised you.”

Connor sounded so sure, he was unwavering in his conviction, he knew somehow. Denying it would serve no purpose.

“He didn’t do it on purpose, Connor. Honest. I’m fine.” Murphy kept his voice steady as he defended Jonathan, trying to keep Connor from freaking out. “It’s nothing. I’m okay.”

Connor shifted on the bed, his hands in fists, his knuckles white.....Jonathan bruised Murph. Jonathan didn’t patch Murphy up, he didn’t take care of his wounds.....Jonathan _caused_ Murphy’s wounds. This was now reason number one why Connor hated Jonathan.

Connor gave Murphy the most serious look he had, he leaned forward & pointed his finger at him. “Murphy, you tell me the truth. Did Jonathan make you do anything you didn’t want to do? Did he force you into anything?”

“Like what?”

“Just answer my question. And you better not fucking lie to me,” Connor warned, his voice as intense as his eyes.

“No, Conn,” Murphy said with a shake of his head, his eyes wide, wondering why Connor was asking him such a thing. “I wasn’t forced to do anything.”

Murphy watched his brother look upward & cross himself as Connor mumbled, “Thank God.” Murphy watched his twin swipe at his eyes, as if he had tears forming. He watched Connor’s lips move in silent prayer.

When Connor’s eyes returned to his, his face had relaxed, his fear had abated. But in its place was another type of fear, a fear Murphy couldn’t pinpoint, but a fear nonetheless. Connor blinked quickly, trying not to cry, trying to be strong. Connor was the strongest person Murphy knew & it killed him to see him this emotional.

“You’re so fucking innocent, Murph. You’re too trusting, and too sweet and too.....too.....you’re just too _good._ I was afraid Jonathan had.....done..... _things_ to you, without your permission. Bad things.”

“Why would you think that? Because of some bruises?” Murphy asked quietly.

Connor shook his head, looking toward the window, to the outside. “That’s not the only reason.”

“What else? Connor? Tell me.”

There was silence between the brothers not for just a few moments, but for a few minutes. Murphy waiting, Connor thinking. Murphy watching, Connor looking away. Both boys nervous but for different reasons.

When Connor finally turned back to his brother, he had his mind made up to broach the subject that was plaguing him, to call Murphy out on his lies. Murphy wouldn’t offer any information, that much was obvious. Connor had to confront him, it was the only way to get Murphy to talk.

“Who was sucking on your neck, Murph?”

Murphy’s eyes widened, not just from the blunt way Connor asked but from the question itself. How could Connor know what he did with Jonathan last night? They were behind closed doors, there’s no way Connor could have seen, no one else knew except him & Jonathan.

“What the fuck? You’re nuts, Connor. No one was sucking on my neck.” Murphy laughed, an insincere laugh that conveyed his discomfort, his need to avoid, his sudden icy cold fear.

“Murphy.....you have hickeys all over your neck.”

“What!?” Murphy sprang from his bed & ran to the bathroom, stumbling over his feet in his haste, Connor slowly following his frantic brother. Murphy stood before the mirror, his head tilted, his eyes glued to the multiple hickeys up & down his neck, across his collarbone, even on his shoulder.....there were dozens of the marks.

Holy fuck, Jonathan did this, Jonathan marked him. It was a mistake, he wouldn’t have done it on purpose. He got carried away, he had a thing for Murphy’s neck, he lost control. But there were so many marks, dozens.....it had to be on purpose. But why?

Connor moved closer, his reflection catching Murphy’s attention & they locked eyes in the mirror. “It was Charlotte. She-she must have, she was the one who.....it was Charlotte.”

“I know who you were with the last couple days. And it wasn’t Charlotte.” Connor’s voice was gentle and soothing, he hoped Murphy would tell him the truth, the truth Connor figured out the moment he saw the hickeys on his brother.

“N-no, I was with Charlotte. She-she did this.”

Connor took a deep breath & kept his voice in a hushed tone. “I know about Jonathan, Murph.”

Murphy’s mind was overloaded, he was overcome with emotion, he was devastated. Connor knew about Jonathan, he knew Murphy liked boys, he fucking knew. Murphy didn’t want him to know, not ever. He would have kept it secret his whole life but now Connor knew.....Connor knew he was gay. Nothing would ever be the same again. Everything would be different. Connor knew.

Murphy was beginning to panic, Connor could see it in every fiber of Murphy’s being, he could hear it in every syllable he spoke. Murphy paled more than Connor thought possible, his eyes were wild, he was shaking. Then the tears started. Murphy’s eyes filled quickly, tears ran down his cheeks in long streaks as he stared at Connor in the mirror.

“Murph, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you.” Connor took a step forward, wanting to comfort his brother, wanting to hold him. Murphy was pure emotion, he could be easily overwhelmed, Connor should have known better. He was wrong, he shouldn’t have confronted Murphy, this was his fault. “Please. Don’t cry.”

Murphy took a shuddering breath, his hand wiping at his face, his tears continuing without pause. “Leave-leave me alone.”

Connor took another careful step forward, he felt like he was dealing with a skittish puppy, Murphy had the same look on his face. And if Connor knew his brother, which he did, Murphy was about to freak out, he was about to run.

Murphy again wiped at his face and took off from the bathroom, shoving Connor’s hand away as he passed by. Connor followed him into their room as Murphy pulled his pajama pants off & quickly pulled on his jeans, kneeling on the floor after he zipped up to reach under his bed for his sneakers.

“Where ya going, Murph? Don’t leave like this. Talk to me.”

All Connor got in response was a loud sniff as Murphy first pulled one shoe free & then the other. He sat on his butt & shoved his feet into his sneakers as Connor moved to block the doorway, he wasn’t about to let Murphy leave like this.

Murphy stood & in one swift motion, he grabbed his shirt & pulled it on, walking toward the door, toward Connor.

“I’m not letting you run from me, Murph.”

Murphy wouldn’t look at Connor’s face, instead, he glared at his chest, his hand wiping more tears away. Connor could see something building in his twin, something that was about to explode.

“Murphy, listen.....”

Then it happened, just like Connor knew it would. Murphy lunged at Connor, he grabbed his shirt & pulled him from the doorway. Murphy tried to throw Connor to the ground but Connor expected this reaction, he was prepared.

He held onto Murphy as his brother threw him toward the floor, dragging Murphy to the ground with him in a painful lump. They rolled over each other, Murphy trying to scramble free, Connor hanging on for dear life.

The expletives flew, the grunting continued, the punches started. Connor held back, only hitting Murphy to try to get him to stop, not using all his strength. Murphy hit as hard as he could, wanting to hurt his twin, desperate to get free.

Murphy fought with his heart, he didn’t think, he only felt.....pure emotion through and through. Connor fought with his mind, he knew how Murphy would move, how he would fight, and that was his distinct advantage.....he was three moves ahead of his brother.

Connor pinned Murphy on his back as he struggled & cursed. Murphy tried to buck him off but Connor stretched his body flat against his brother, holding him in place, preventing any injury to either boy. Connor had years of experience in controlling his brother, every time Murphy had one of his severe temper tantrums, Connor would pin him to the floor until he calmed down. Pinning Murphy to the floor this time was no different than all the others.

“Get the fuck off me, Connor, you mother fucker!”

Connor pushed down harder on his brother, staring into his face, trying to get him to calm down. Then Murphy did something that shocked Connor, something he never saw coming. Murphy stopped, he just..... _stopped._ His body relaxed completely, he closed his eyes and he stopped.

Connor relaxed his hold, but only slightly, unsure what his brother was up to. In all their years of wrestling, fighting and combat, Murphy had never just stopped before.

“Murph? You okay?”

Connor thought Murphy might have passed out, he was about to run for the phone to call for an ambulance, but then Murphy turned his head to the side, away from Connor. Murphy’s face scrunched up as fresh tears leaked from beneath his dark eyelashes, the tears running from his eyes & into his hair. Connor released one of his brother’s hands & wiped the tears from Murphy’s face, trying to wipe away his pain.

Murphy felt Connor’s hand on his face, he felt the love in his touch. Connor still loved him, but for how long? One of Murphy’s secrets was out, he wasn’t ready for Connor to know.....but it was too late, Connor knew. It was only a matter of time before the bigger secret was out, Connor would figure it out, he’d know Murphy was in love with him. And then he’d lose Connor forever. Connor would send him away, he’d disown him.....Connor would hate him.

Then the screaming began. Murphy screamed at the top of his lungs, he screamed from his heart, he screamed from a dark place where only his pain resided, where he kept his secrets bottled up & hidden from Connor. Screams mixed with tears, tears mixed with heartache, heartache mixed with despair.

Connor never heard anything so painful in all his life, he’d never seen anyone in such turmoil, he’d never felt his heart break like it was at that moment. Seeing anyone go through this would be difficult but this was his twin screaming, this was his brother suffering, this was his Murphy in agony. And he couldn’t stop it.

Connor watched his brother break down like never before, his own heart desperately wanting to scream along with Murphy’s, his tears falling onto his brother’s face & mixing with Murphy’s tears. Connor held Murphy down, whispering in his ear how much he loved him, telling him everything would be fine.

And while the screams echoed in the house, Connor prayed.....he prayed for Murph.


	29. What Should He Do?

What should he do? What should he do? What the _fuck_ should he do?

Murphy wouldn’t stop, he kept crying, he kept screaming, he kept trying to twist away from his twin. His face was soaked with tears, not a dry spot remained, long salty streaks leaving trail upon trail down his face. His screams grew in intensity & length, Murphy’s mournful howls echoing off their bedroom walls, chilling Connor to the bone.

It was pure torture to be so helpless, knowing Murphy’s response was his fault, he was the reason Murphy freaked out. He just _had_ to push him, he couldn’t let Murphy have his lie, he couldn’t let it be. He should have waited until Murphy was good  & fucking ready to tell him. This was all Connor’s fault, every bit of it.

Murphy renewed his fight to get free, he needed to get away, he had to run. He bucked in an attempt to dislodge his body from his brother’s grip, he strained, he struggled. But Connor held on. Connor held on as if his life depended on it, as if Murphy’s life depended on it. He repositioned his body in response to Murphy’s moves, he pressed his weight into his twin, he wouldn’t let Murphy squirm away.

He attempted to soothe Murphy with soft words, quiet promises to always love him, soft pleas to stop before he hurt himself. Connor struggled to remain calm himself, he had to keep it together, he couldn’t lose his shit. He had to be strong for Murphy.

Connor needed help but he couldn’t leave Murphy in this state, not when he was in such turmoil. It was Friday, their Ma worked at the donut shop Friday mornings, she was already long gone. But as much as Connor wanted her to come storming into their room & take charge, he was thankful she wasn’t home. He wouldn’t be able to explain why Murphy was so freaked out, not without telling her his secret, not without telling her Murphy was gay. No.....he’d handle this on his own, he could do it.

But Connor didn’t know how much longer he could listen to the screams without dying himself. Murphy’s voice was distorted, it sounded hoarse, it sounded like his throat was bleeding. With every painful sound, Connor cringed inside, dying just a bit more. Murphy’s agony was Connor’s agony, it always was & would always be.

He shifted on top of his brother, carefully staying in control, careful not to harm his younger twin. Connor had to keep him safe, he had to make sure nothing happened to him, he had to protect Murph from Murph. He readjusted his grip on Murphy’s wrists which were pinned to the ground on either side of Murphy’s head, making sure not to cut off the circulation while still keeping him restrained.

Connor couldn’t hold him down forever, something eventually had to give. His mind raced to come up with a plan, something to make his baby brother snap out of it. He considered slapping Murphy’s face, that always worked on tv, didn’t it? As he watched Murphy struggle with his inner demons, Connor decided he would hit Murphy only as a last resort and not a second before. He would just hang on, keep Murphy safe, and wait.

Murphy slowly tired himself out, the physical struggle stopping once exhaustion took hold. The screams became wails, the wails became sobs, the sobs became convulsive whimpers as Murphy struggled to catch his breath, Connor keeping Murphy safely pinned underneath his body. Each sound grew progressively softer, each sound took an eternity to pass, and each sound took a year off of Connor’s life.

Murphy’s face was contorted and the tears didn’t diminish with the stopping of the screams. His hair was wet along the sides of his face & nape of his neck, not from sweat but from tears.....tears that made his dark hair look even darker, tears that tore at Connor’s heart.

With Murphy starting to calm down, Connor got another look at the marks on his neck, at the fucking hickeys Jonathan put all over his twin. Connor fumed, grinding his teeth.....he was fucking furious. There were so many, almost as if Jonathan was trying to make a point, to mark his territory or to _brand_ Murphy in some way.

Murphy deserved better, he should be taken care of, not treated like a possession. Jonathan had no right to do whatever he wanted, he had no right to mar Murph’s beautiful skin.....it didn’t matter if Murphy was dating him, that fucker had no right. Murphy deserved someone who worshipped his sweet nature, someone who knew how lucky he was to be with Murphy, someone who kissed him not to cause marks, but to cause pleasure.

Murphy deserved someone like.....someone like.....like.....Connor.

Murphy twisted once more beneath his brother, letting out a loud sigh as he relaxed completely, pulling Connor from his reverie.

“Shhhh, hush Murph,” Connor again whispered words of encouragement to him, knowing this time Murphy might actually hear him, hoping this time it might actually sink in. “Connor’s here & I’m not going anywhere. I love you. You’re okay.”

To Connor’s great relief, Murphy finally opened his eyes & Connor took some of his weight off his brother, still vigilant as he released his wrists. The crying had stopped but.....something was wrong, something was terribly wrong.

Murphy didn’t move, his arms stayed in the same position, he didn’t react at all to Connor letting him go. Connor expected him to wipe at his face, to try to sit up, to do _something._ But Murphy did nothing, he lay unmoving, as if he were still being held down. The blue eyes Connor loved so much, the blue eyes that reminded him of the ocean, were glazed over  & staring at nothing, barely blinking. His breathing was shallow & his face was slack, he appeared dazed, catatonic.

“Murph? Stop that right fucking now,” Connor said firmly, Murphy’s current reaction terrifying him more than the screams. “I mean it, knock it off Murphy!”

Connor had seen Murphy shut down like this only one other time in their lives, that lone incident still haunting Connor to this day, still shaking him to his core. They were ten years old & one of the neighbors thought it was funny to tell Murphy he’d been switched at birth, he wasn’t a MacManus, he wasn’t Connor’s _real_ twin. Murphy didn’t believe the old woman at first, but she told him she visited their Ma at the hospital  & the babies were identical, not fraternal.....and she knew, because she saw them.

That sent Murphy into a tailspin, a full out panic. He tore their Ma’s room apart looking for their birth certificates, convinced the documents would say if they were identical or fraternal. But he only found Connor’s record of birth, his wasn’t there. That’s when Connor found him, screaming on the floor, almost every paper in the house scattered around him. Connor remembered how panicked Murphy was, how he cried so hard that he couldn’t be understood.....how Connor had to hold him down so he wouldn’t hurt himself, just like today.

After the screaming ended, Murphy went into a daze & then Connor’s screaming started.....he thought Murphy was dead. When their Ma found them, she dragged them to the bathroom & put them under a cold shower, shaking Murphy from his daze which in turn shook Connor from his panic. But Murphy kept crying, repeatedly moaning “Connor isn’t mine.”

Ma explained over & over that Murphy was never switched, he belonged to Connor and Connor belonged to him. But even back then, Murphy was stubborn. He refused to believe his mother, even after his birth certificate was found. When the crying began anew, Ma took them to the hospital where they were born, leading them straight to Medical Records. It was a small hospital in a small town & only four babies were born that week, two baby girls & two twin boys, Connor & Murphy. Both MacManus babies were discharged & home before another baby boy was born, settling it once & for all that no MacManus baby was switched at birth. The twins faced their shared biggest fear on that day.....losing the other.

That had been the worst day of Connor’s life.....until today.

Now Murphy wouldn’t respond, he was in a daze just like when he was ten years old and Connor felt that familiar panic rise from the ashes. Murphy freaked out then, and now, because he thought he would lose Connor. Connor wanted to curl up in a ball & scream out of pure fear himself but as he looked at his motionless brother, his protective instinct took over & he went on auto-pilot.

“I’m not losing you, Murph, do you fucking hear me? I love you too much to let you go.” He was practically yelling as he rolled off his brother, hooked his arms under Murphy’s armpits & dragged him toward the bathroom. “Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you’ll lose me, you stupid fucking jerk. You’re stuck with me forever.”

Connor leaned Murphy against the wall & pulled off his brother’s shoes, tossing them to the floor before pulling the shirt off his body. He took off his own shirt & shoes and decided not to waste time removing their pants, instead turning on the shower full blast. He dragged Murphy into the tub on top of him, Murphy’s back resting on Connor’s chest, his body between Connor’s legs. _This had to work, it just had to, please God let this work._

The water was freezing and it took less than a minute for Murphy to react. He began to move without any seeming coordination & Connor pulled him closer, wrapping one arm around his chest while his hand stroked his hair. Murphy loved having his hair stroked and Connor ran his fingers through the wet strands, kissing his head firmly.

“Easy, Murph, I got you,” Connor leaned forward & whispered softly in Murphy’s ear, trying to do anything & everything to bring him back from his stupor. When Murphy squirmed more, Connor wrapped his legs around his brother, keeping him in place to allow the cold water to do the trick. He’d happily freeze his ass off if it meant Murphy would be fine.

Five minutes later, Connor dragged a shivering Murphy from the tub, helping him walk back to their bedroom. Murphy walking was a good sign, even though he still appeared somewhat dazed and Connor felt relief wash over him. Connor pulled his own blanket from his bed, Murphy always said he liked Connor’s blanket better than his own, and he wrapped it around Murphy, pulling him into his arms & cocooning him.

Murphy could smell Connor all around him, he was wrapped up in his scent & he pressed his face into the soft blanket as his brother hugged him, slowly inhaling the scent from the blanket & the sweet scent from Connor himself. He felt Connor’s calming presence, he felt his hands rubbing his back, he felt his love.

He closed his eyes, remembering..... _Connor knew._

The panic was gone, at least for now, but an overwhelming sense of dread took its place. Soon.....soon Connor would understand everything & he’d never hold him like this again. Connor would be too afraid to hold him, to touch him.....probably even to look at him. Murphy’s biggest fear was on his doorstep, he was going to lose Connor.

Murphy wanted to clutch onto his brother but he couldn’t, the blanket & Connor’s arms prevented his movement. Connor maneuvered him to the bed & knelt in front of him, taking Murphy’s hands into his own, his thumbs stroking his skin.

“Murph. You okay?”

Their matching eyes locked & Murphy wanted to cry but he had no tears left, he’d shed them all. He could see the desperation in his brother’s eyes, the panic that matched his own, the fear. He slowly nodded & watched Connor’s face relax.

Then the inevitable happened. “We need to talk, okay? About those marks on your neck, about your.....about your friend. About you being gay, Murph.”

\------

Connor couldn’t believe he fell for it. Even in the state his brother was in, he’d tricked him, he worked Connor so easily with those big fucking eyes & that soft fucking voice. And Connor fell for it just like always.

Murphy said he was cold & asked Connor to make him some tea before they talked.....and then he’d given him that look. That same fucking look that always fucking worked. Connor only hesitated a moment after Murphy quietly said he’d wait in their room for him & Connor believed him. But Murphy was gone by the time he got back, the little shit had climbed out the window.

Four hours later & Connor was still looking for him. He went every place he & Murphy hung out and everywhere in between.....twice. Then he got a sick feeling. Murphy wouldn’t go to.....no, he better not.....no, he wouldn’t go _there._

Connor ran the entire way, he had never run so fast in his entire life, not stopping until he arrived at his destination. He had seen Murphy previously enter through this door and he prayed Murph had the good sense not to come back. But Murphy was naïve, he was inexperienced, he was trusting. And if Murphy was in love on top of that, then he just might be in there, Connor might have pushed him right into Jonathan’s arms.

Connor prayed his brother was anywhere but behind these doors.

He knocked & took a step back, giving the fucker time to answer the door before he broke it down. When the door finally did open, Connor was face to face.....with Jonathan.


	30. Meeting

“Yeah? Can I help you with something?”

Attitude.....major fucking attitude this prick had. The cocky way he stood blocking the doorway, the way his eyes narrowed as he looked directly in Connor’s eyes, the way his voice sounded amused at Connor’s mere presence. Everything about Jonathan dripped with attitude. And one thing Connor despised was attitude.

It was obvious Jonathan was trying to figure out who Connor was, he was looking at his face for some sort of recognition, some form of familiarity. His eyes scanned, his head tilted, his brow furrowed as his mind worked. But Jonathan had no idea who this angry young man was, this irate boy standing too close with clenched fists and flared nostrils. Connor wasn’t about to help this fucker figure out who he was, he wasn’t about to tell him he was Murphy’s brother, no fucking way.....he’d let the asshole remain oblivious for all eternity.

Prior to this face-to-face meeting, Connor had only seen Jonathan from a distance, he’d never been close enough to get a good look at him. But now his eyes took in the man his brother was spending time with, the man his twin was dating.....the man Murphy had kissed.

The thought of Murphy kissing someone bothered Connor.....or maybe it was the thought of Murphy kissing someone _else_ that haunted him more. He tried to drive those thoughts from his mind but they kept coming back, he couldn’t stop them from taking hold. Connor glanced down to Jonathan’s smirking mouth, the mouth that had been all over Murphy. All Connor wanted to do was punch that smug look off his face, Connor’s jealousy beginning to take hold of his faculties.

Connor didn’t know what the fuck was going on in his head anymore. He’d been thinking about Murph a lot recently, looking at him differently, paying more attention to how he looked & moved.....noticing things he never noticed before. Like how Murphy stretched in the morning, he’d arch his spine & tilt his head back, creating the most amazing profile. Or how Murph’s hair would fall across his pillow, an auburn splash against the white linen. Or how Murphy wore his jeans low on his hips, Connor catching a teasing glance of his lower back when he bent over.

Connor noticed, he noticed it all.

He just knew Jonathan didn’t notice any of those incredible things about Murphy. How could he? He didn’t know Murph, he didn’t appreciate him, not like Connor did. What the fuck did Murphy even see in this guy, anyway? He was good looking but he looked a lot older and his condescending attitude came through loud & clear.....Connor picked up on his arrogance immediately. He didn’t understand how Murphy could be remotely attracted to someone like this.

They stood glaring at each other, facing off, posturing. Neither one backing down, neither one looking away, neither one relenting in any way.....both waiting for the other to do or say something. Connor couldn’t hide the anger he felt, the fury in his eyes when he looked at Jonathan. This was the man who marked Murphy’s flawless skin with his mouth, he’d bruised him with his callous hands, Jonathan had been rough with the most precious person Connor knew. And based upon Murphy’s recent behavior, Jonathan probably did a complete mind fuck on Murph as well.

Connor wanted to rip Jonathan’s face off. Murphy better not be here, he better not be in Jonathan’s apartment.....he better not _fucking_ be here.

Jonathan held Connor’s glare, giving back his own hardened look. Jonathan was evaluating him, sizing him up, his critical eye trying to determine if he could take Connor in a fight. He was bigger than Connor but Connor had more to fight for, Connor had Murphy to fight for.

Jonathan shifted his stance, he squared his shoulders and tried to make his body appear bigger as he puffed out his chest in some form of unspoken challenge. He blocked more of the doorway, preventing Connor from seeing past him, intentionally creating a barrier with his body. Connor scoffed, slightly impressed.....this asshole had good instincts. Jonathan was protecting whoever was inside that apartment. Even though Jonathan didn’t know who Connor was, he knew who Connor was here for.

_Murphy._

Connor tried to look past him, he craned his neck in an attempt to see into the apartment. He could always tell when Murphy was close, it was their “twin mojo,” as Murph called it. But whatever name it went by, Connor’s instincts told him Murph was near. Jonathan again shifted, blocking more of Connor’s view as he closed the door slightly. But Connor shifted with him, his eagle eyes spotting something he recognized on the floor.

In plain sight, just waiting to be noticed, were those stupid fucking sneakers Murphy always wore. Connor hated those sneakers but Murphy insisted on wearing them, probably just to irritate Connor. They were a hideous shade of what once was white, there was hardly any tread left & they were completely falling apart. But Murphy loved them, he said he finally got them broken in just right and he wouldn’t give them up. Connor hid the sneakers a few times and when Murphy finally found them, he wore them to bed for a week to protect them from Connor’s “thieving hands.”

Connor would know those fucking shit sneakers anywhere. They were right there on the floor in Jonathan’s apartment, taunting Connor, mocking him. There was no doubt whatsoever.....Murphy was here. He’d snuck out the window & ran from Connor, he’d run to this place, to Jonathan.

Of all the places in the world Murphy could run to, he chose here. He went to the man who forced his secret to be revealed, even if that was not Jonathan’s actual intent. Murphy came back to the man who had patched him up only to later bruise his tender flesh. He’d run from Connor & straight into the eager arms of Jonathan.

Murphy running didn’t necessarily surprise Connor but where he ran to did. Murphy didn’t shock Connor often, they knew each other too well.....one itched, the other scratched. But Connor tended to overlook a lot. In fact, he had overlooked the most obvious thing in the world, he had overlooked the thing he should have known in his heart. Murphy was gay. And Connor had missed it. He couldn’t help but wonder what else he had missed, what else slipped by his notice, what else did he not yet realize about Murph?

If Connor had known Murphy would come here, he never would have left him alone, he would have stayed glued to Murphy’s hip until the stars all burned out. But he had trusted Murphy to stay put, he had caved to those big blue eyes that made Connor want to give him the world. Connor had listened to Murphy with his heart & not his head.

Maybe that was the problem. Connor wasn’t thinking, he was only feeling. Murphy was the twin who ran on emotion, not Connor.....until lately. Now all Connor did was _feel_.....he felt things for Murphy he tried to explain away, things that both confused  & excited him at the same time. Connor felt his heart ache for his brother’s face, for his smile, for Murphy’s touch. But that was pure craziness, he had to start using his head again, mind over matter and all that fucking shit. Connor’s job was to protect Murph, to keep him safe. He had to save Murphy from the piranha that was Jonathan.

“Get Murph.” It wasn’t a polite request, it was a direct order. An order Jonathan didn’t like one bit.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, mother fucker. Get Murph.”

Jonathan raised his eyebrows, his face no longer looking quite so amused. In fact, he looked furious instead. If Connor wasn’t so angry himself, he would have laughed at Jonathan’s expression.

“Sorry, asshole. There’s no Murph here,” Jonathan responded in his condescending manner, his voice placing the emphasis on the derogatory word.

“I know his shoes, dickhead,” Connor called Jonathan’s bluff with his own emphasis on the disparaging word he chose for this fucker. Motioning to the canvas shoes in the hall, Connor leaned forward & spoke with certainty, “I know Murph is here.”

Jonathan paused before he glanced to the location Connor indicated, his eyes taking in the battered footwear. He harrumphed loudly, knowing his lie was exposed and hating that he had been so easily found out. He turned back to face the angry older twin, not wanting to let him inside but knowing there was no way around it, not with the look of determination on the face he was glaring at.

Who was this guy anyway, this kid, this _boy?_ There was the obvious explanation, the only one that made any sense at all. He could only be one of two people, no one else would be demanding to see Murphy. Either he was Murphy’s brother or he was the guy Murphy was in love with.....Connor.

Jonathan considered the options. Murphy’s brother wouldn’t be this upset, he wouldn’t be this forceful, this antagonistic. Besides, the brother didn’t know Murphy was gay, so why would he even be here? No, this guy wasn’t the brother, Jonathan quickly dismissing that consideration. Jonathan made a quick mental note to ask Murphy his brother’s name as well, suddenly realizing he’d never mentioned it before.

So this was Connor standing before him.....it had to be. Only Connor would have that jealous look on his face. Only Connor would be upset Murphy was in his apartment. Only Connor would be this angry, this demanding, this passionate.

In the blink of his eye, Jonathan took in his foe, his adversary, his competition for Murphy’s heart. Jonathan thought of the little bits Murphy had shared about Connor. How Connor liked girls, how Connor would never be interested, how Connor didn’t know Murphy was in love with him. But maybe Connor knew, maybe he was interested, maybe he was here to take Murphy away.

And Jonathan couldn’t let that happen. He wasn’t about to let anyone take away what he had found, what he wanted to keep forever, what was his & his alone. Murphy belonged to Jonathan, not Connor. And Jonathan wasn’t about to let Connor take Murphy anywhere, least of all from his apartment.

_“Murphy_ is busy,” Jonathan’s voice dripped with even more attitude than Connor thought possible. “But come back later, maybe I’ll let you see him then.”

Connor laughed out loud, not an amused laugh but a _‘you gotta be fucking insane’_ laugh. This guy had no fucking clue. Obviously. “Don’t think for one fucking minute that I’m leaving without seeing Murph. So either move or I’ll make you move.”

“You think you’re man enough to do that? Try to get by me & I’ll beat your fucking ass, little boy.” Direct challenge offered, Jonathan waiting for Connor to either give up or to rise to the challenge.

The fucker was trying to intimidate Connor, he was trying to make him back down, trying to get him to leave. But Connor was never one to be easily intimidated, and with Murphy involved, Connor wouldn’t be intimidated at all.

Jonathan recognized the steely determination in the face before him, he saw Connor wasn’t about to yield, he was about to force his way inside. Jonathan couldn’t let that happen, not with Murphy here. He couldn’t risk a potentially negative reaction from the boy who had yet to forgive him, the beautiful boy he still wanted for his own. Jonathan wanted to show Connor who was boss but it would have to wait for a better time, a time when Murphy wasn’t around.

Connor was about to hit this fucker, his fist was already clenched & primed for action when Jonathan took a step back & opened the door wide. He actually smiled at Connor, teeth and all, and Connor wondered if it was more Jonathan baring his teeth than an actual smile.

“I’m a civil man, unlike you.” After a dramatic pause, Jonathan continued with that same smile plastered on his face. “You don’t have to be so violent. Let’s not give the neighbors a show, all right? Come inside.”

Connor wasn’t about to turn his back on him, he wasn’t about to risk a blindside, he wasn’t an idiot. “After you.”

“Fine. Follow me.” Jonathan led the way down the hall & deeper into the apartment, stopping when he reached the living room. Connor followed, his senses heightened, his eyes expecting to see his brother sitting on the couch. But the living room was empty, no Murph.

Connor moved to the sliding glass door, looking into the backyard that was surrounded by a privacy fence, his eyes searching but coming up empty. No Murph.

The kitchen. It was difficult to get Murph to eat sometimes but maybe today was the exception. Maybe today, Murphy was stuffing his face. But today was no exception, as Connor saw once he was close enough to see the vacant kitchen. No Murph.

Jonathan watched with an amused expression on his face, enjoying Connor’s quiet search as he crossed his arms over his chest. Let him look, let him figure it out on his own, let him realize.

Connor moved toward the center of the room, glancing down the far hallway, his eyes going straight to the open bathroom door. But it was obvious no one was in the bathroom, it was too quiet & too dark. Again, no Murph.

The last place Connor’s eyes moved to was the only other door in the entire apartment, it was the only place where Murphy could be. It was the one place Connor didn’t want to think about.

The closed door was obviously Jonathan’s bedroom.

Connor heard the phrase “time stood still” but never understood it until this moment. But as Connor stared at that door, time did stop, it froze, it stood still as Connor’s heart thudded so loudly that God Himself must have heard.

Murphy was vulnerable, he was an emotional mess, he was easy prey. And he had been gone for hours. It was ample time for Jonathan to sweet talk & seduce Murphy, more than enough time for Jonathan to do what he wanted.....again. Time had been abundant enough for Jonathan to fuck Murphy, in that room, just beyond that door.

Connor couldn’t move, he wanted to but he just couldn’t. His mind brought forth images he didn’t want to see.....images of Murphy writhing beneath a sweaty Jonathan, images of Murphy begging Jonathan to make him cum, images of Murphy.....cumming.

Connor couldn’t stop the images from playing in his head like a bad porno, a porno that starred Murphy as the main attraction. He’d played that porno in his head recently, minus Jonathan, and it had been Connor who had been Murph’s co-star. It had been him who Murphy had fucked. Repeatedly. Connor had justified those images as just a wet dream, even though he had been completely awake & had played with himself while he imagined it.

But now Connor was faced with the reality of what Murphy possibly did, or more precisely, who Murphy possibly did. And it made Connor sick. All he could hope was that he was wrong. That room was empty, that room didn’t contain his recently fucked twin, in that room was.....no Murph.

“Wait here.” Jonathan commanded, his voice making it known that Connor was not to follow. If it were any other room, if it was any place other than Jonathan’s bedroom, Connor would have ignored the directive, he would have followed. But he couldn’t walk into that room, he just couldn’t do it.

Jonathan paused with his hand on the door handle, catching Connor’s eyes, making sure he’d stay in place. When he was satisfied Connor wouldn’t follow, he quietly turned the knob & entered the darkened room, purposely leaving the door ajar.

As much as Connor didn’t want to see, or hear, or know.....he couldn’t help himself. He watched, he listened, he had to know.

The room was not completely devoid of light, there was soft light streaming in through the closed blinds, and Connor squinted his eyes, trying to make out what was inside. Connor saw the edge of a large bed as Jonathan slowly made his way toward it. There was a figure covered in a blanket resting on the bed, a figure on his side facing away from the door, a figure with a shock of dark auburn hair.

As Jonathan sat on the bed, Connor moved closer to the door. He needed to get a better look, he needed to hear what was said. He had to know if that figure was Murph.

Jonathan reached for the person, pulling the blanket down to expose a bare shoulder, the back of his hand leisurely running down that bare arm. He ran his index finger back up the arm in soft circles, torturing Connor with the view, before he bent his head & kissed the bare shoulder.

“Murphy? Wake up,” Jonathan’s voice was quiet in an attempt to gently wake Murphy but also loud enough to make sure Connor would hear. “Murphy.”

Jonathan looked over his shoulder at the watching twin, making sure he was still there, making sure he knew what was going on before he turned back to the sleeping boy. He again bent his head, this time placing kisses down the bare arm, pausing briefly to lightly suck on the warm flesh.

Connor almost lost it, he thought about running in to push Jonathan off, he thought about beating Jonathan to a pulp. But he couldn’t move, he was frozen in shock. Before he could shake it off, Jonathan lifted his head, his lips releasing the skin beneath him. Again he looked at Connor, his chuckle sounding cold.

“He’s exhausted,” Jonathan said in a hushed voice and a lilting tone, intimating that he was the one who exhausted Connor’s twin. “Poor boy.”

Jonathan smirked at Connor’s reaction, he could see the thunderous turmoil behind the eyes, he could feel the agony in his soul. He hoped Connor had learned his place.

Jonathan turned his attention back to the bed, back to Murphy, his hand stroking the bare back before he shook him by the shoulder. “Murphy, get up. Come on.”

The figure stirred slightly, his legs moving beneath the blanket, his body protesting to being roused. Jonathan pulled at his shoulder, easily rolling him onto his back. He leaned over him & placed his hand on the other side of his hip, staring down at his prize.

Jonathan’s voice had a fake sing-song quality as he tried too hard to sound sweet, the sound turning Connor’s stomach. “Mmmuuurrrphy. Open those beautiful eyes for me. Mmmuuurrrrphy.”

Connor struggled to see the boy’s face but Jonathan’s body now blocked his view. But Connor heard the soft response. And even though the voice was raspy from recent screams, even though it was distorted from the trauma earlier that day, Connor would know that voice anywhere. He loved that soft voice and he loved even more the person that soft voice belonged to.

“How long was I asleep?”

“Mmmm, not too long. Are you okay?” Connor saw Jonathan move his free hand toward Murphy’s face, obviously brushing his hair from his eyes, his hand lingering in the silky strands.

“I guess.”

“You guess? That’s the best I get? I may have to work on that response. I’d like a better answer next time.”

Murphy squirmed under the blanket, his hand going to the forearm Jonathan was leaning on, his fingers holding tight. “Well.....I feel better than when I got here.”

“Me too. _A lot better._ But you always have that effect on me.”

Murphy laughed what sounded more sad than happy, his strained voice breaking Connor’s heart. “Stop.”

Jonathan shook his head, “Mmm-mmm. Never.”

Connor felt like an intrusion on what his twin thought was a private moment. Murphy had no idea Connor was in the next room, listening.....dying inside. Connor would leave & let Murphy be happy if it weren’t for what Jonathan had already done to him, the liberties he took, the marks he had made. Connor couldn’t stand for that.

“You still look tired. I think you should rest some more. Get your strength back up.” Jonathan coaxed, leaning down presumably to kiss Murphy.

“Jonathan, don’t.”

Murphy had turned away from the kiss, he had refused it, he didn’t want it. Now Connor was even more confused. If Murphy had recently been intimate with this man, he’d kiss him, he’d never turn away. Unless.....unless there was more to the story, the story that Connor had been willing to swallow without question, the story Jonathan tried to sell him.

The story that was a lie.

“We still need to talk. You still need to explain why you put those marks on me, Jonathan.”

Jonathan sat back, his voice not sounding quite so sweet as the minute prior. “Did Connor see those marks? Is that the problem?”

There was a pause between the question and the answer, Connor unsure why Jonathan would ask that particular question. He felt like he should make his presence known, tell Murphy he was here, but instead he remained quiet. He needed to know the answer.

“He saw. It was really awful, Jonathan. You shouldn’t have done that to me.”

Jonathan mumbled, his voice holding a slight undercurrent of tension, “I’m glad he saw. Now he knows you’re mine. Now Connor knows you belong to _me,_ Murphy.”

“Is that why you did it? So Connor would know?”

Jonathan shifted on the bed, leaning over Murphy once again, staring down at him. “I want you to kiss me, Murphy. Right now.”

Murphy let go of Jonathan’s arm, shifting away from him, Connor finally able to see his anguished face. Murphy shook his head, “I’m sorry but.....no. I came here so you could explain, not so you could get me in bed.”

“You’re already in my bed.”

“Only because you wanted me to sleep before we talked.”

Now it made sense to Connor. Murphy hadn’t been seduced, he hadn’t been fucked, he hadn’t even been kissed. Murphy had fallen asleep.....he was emotionally exhausted, not sexually exhausted. He’d come looking for answers, not looking for sex.

“Jonathan? I just want to know why.”

“I’ll explain it to you when we’re alone, Murphy. But right now we have company.”

Murphy scrunched his face up, confusion taking hold. “Who?”

“Connor.”


	31. Conflict

“That’s not funny.” Murphy quietly chastised Jonathan, his already strained voice quivering, his tenuous hold on his emotions weakening further. “That’s not funny at all.”

Murphy didn’t believe Jonathan. How could he? Jonathan had never met Connor, he had no idea who Connor was or what he looked like. So how could he say Connor was here? Jonathan was lying, he had to be. Jonathan was mad & now he was lying.

Jonathan slowly nodded, Murphy seeing the familiar hint of annoyance in his gaze, the tenderness from moments ago completely evaporated. “You’re right. I don’t find it funny in the least that Connor shows up at my door demanding to see you.”

Murphy bit his lip, was it possible? Was Connor really here? He had an almost desperate need to see his brother, his heart beat faster just hearing his name. He loved Connor so much but it hurt to look at him, a piece of his heart broke away each time their eyes met. But regardless of the pain, he couldn’t help himself.....he wanted to see his twin. And if his heart shattered into a million tiny pieces, it was still worth every painful moment just to see Connor’s smile. Murphy’s eyes drifted to the doorway, wondering if his brother was in the next room, not realizing Connor had gone down the hall to retrieve his sneakers.

Murphy knew Connor would have looked for him, there was no doubt about that, but it would be impossible for Connor to find him here. Connor would have given up by now, he should be home waiting for Murphy to return, not waiting in the next room. Connor wouldn’t have continued looking, he wouldn’t.

But Murphy was wrong. Connor did continue his search, he didn’t give up, he didn’t go home to wait. And if he hadn’t found Murphy, he’d still be looking. Connor knew in his heart Murphy was in a bad place, not just physically, but emotionally. Murphy’s breakdown had been so extreme, so emotional, so heartbreaking to watch. Connor was worried it would happen again, Murphy running away was proof he wasn’t yet controlled enough to face the situation. He could still panic at any moment. And if that happened, Connor had to be there.

“Murph?”

Murphy’s breath hitched, that was Connor’s voice. Connor was here, calling his name from the next room. Murphy’s chin quivered, tears rapidly forming.....Connor came for him, he came to take him home, Connor found him.

Jonathan stared at Murphy, watching his reaction to the one word Connor had spoken, watching his face change to the sound of Connor saying his name, watching the tears leak from the corners of his eyes. Jonathan recognized the emotion Murphy couldn’t hide, after all, Murphy himself told him he was in love with Connor. And now that Connor was here, it was clear to Jonathan those feelings still existed. Murphy wasn’t over Connor like he claimed, he hadn’t moved on.....Murphy was still deeply in love.

Jonathan felt his anger rise over Connor’s intrusion, his invasion not only in his home, but in his relationship. Murphy had chosen Jonathan to be with, not Connor. Murphy was in his apartment, in _his_ fucking bed, Connor had no right to interfere with that. Jonathan had worked hard to get to where he was with Murphy, the boy was becoming pliable. Given enough time, Murphy would have relented  & forgiven Jonathan for the hickeys. Given enough time, Murphy would have fallen in love with Jonathan. Given enough time, Jonathan would have had Murphy in his bed not for sleeping, but for fucking. But that wasn’t happening, and it was all because Connor was still entrenched in Murphy’s life. It infuriated Jonathan to have their relationship derailed so easily, he wanted that look on Murphy’s face to be directed his way.

“Murph? It’s me.”

It was actually comical Connor identified himself, as if Murphy wouldn’t know his voice. Even if Murphy couldn’t hear Connor’s voice with his ears, his heart would certainly have heard it. Murphy’s heart always heard Connor’s voice, even when his mouth wasn’t moving. Connor had moved closer, he sounded like he was just outside the door, he’d be able to see in the room. There was no way to hide where Murphy was, no way to hide the fact he was in Jonathan’s bed. Even though all Murphy did was sleep, even though nothing happened between him & Jonathan, he still didn’t want Connor to see him half-naked in another man’s bed.

He couldn’t look toward the door, he couldn’t handle seeing the expression Connor would have on his face when he saw him in Jonathan’s bed. Connor would be grossed out, he’d be mad, he wouldn’t understand what was going on. He’d think Murphy had fucked Jonathan.

Murphy couldn’t take the pain, the unrelenting despair that gripped his heart & wouldn’t let go. He didn’t know what to do, how to fix everything, including himself. He’d only come here for an explanation, nothing else, he only needed to know why. And he still didn’t have that answer. And now everything was worse than before.

It needed to stop.....it needed to stop right now. It just needed to fucking stop.

Murphy pulled at the blanket, lifting it over his head as he curled up in a ball, foolishly trying to hide from his twin. He didn’t want to cry again but the tears had already overflowed his eyes & they wouldn’t stop, his face soaked with heartache. As the tears fell & the shuddering breaths began, Murphy’s paralyzing fear was reborn.

It was about to happen, Connor was about to find out he was in love with him and Murphy couldn’t stop it. Murphy closed his eyes, wishing he were anywhere but in this bed, in this room.....in this world.

“Stay here, I’ll get rid of him,” Jonathan instructed as he stood, the bed shifting as his weight left the mattress. Murphy heard Jonathan’s footsteps move away, toward the door, toward Connor. Toward the inevitable.

“Murph, let’s go,” Connor said to the figure cloaked in the blanket, his words reaching Murphy just as Jonathan reached the doorway.

“Murphy is staying with me,” Jonathan said in his best authoritative voice, once again trying to take control of the situation, trying to keep control of the dark haired boy in his bed. As Connor took a step into the room, Jonathan followed his movement, placing himself directly in front of Connor, his hand raised in a halting motion. “You’re not welcome here, you need to leave.”

“Like hell I will, not without Murph.”

_“Murph?”_ Jonathan scoffed as he made a face at Connor’s nickname for his brother. _“Murphy_ is fine, he doesn’t want to leave. He’s exactly where he belongs.....in my bed.”

Who the fuck did this asshole think he was? Murphy didn’t belong in Jonathan’s bed and Connor wasn’t about to leave him there. Murphy belonged in a bed with someone who would kiss his sweet lips for hours, someone who would make love to him all night long, someone who would love him & cherish him forever. Connor knew who that person was, deep in his heart he knew.....and it sure as fuck wasn’t Jonathan.

Connor’s voice was steady & strangely controlled, it was the calm before the storm. “You’re not going to hurt him again. No fucking way, asshole. I’m taking him home, _that’s_ where he belongs.”

Jonathan didn’t respond other than to counter Connor’s footsteps, first to the right, then quickly to the left. It was a macabre dance, Connor led, Jonathan followed, back & forth. But Connor was more agile & he dodged Jonathan’s attempt to grab him, pushing at his arm with a loud “fuck off” as he walked past.

“We’re leaving, Murph,” Connor instructed when he reached the bed, dropping the shoes on the floor before pulling at the blanket that was still clutched in Murphy’s hands.  
Murphy briefly clung to the soft covering, his knuckles white with effort, before allowing Connor to pull it from his body, no longer having the strength to resist. What was the point in resisting anyway.....Connor knew where he was, he knew he was in someone else’s bed. As he gave up his useless fight he rolled onto his back, staring blankly at the ceiling.

Connor paused, suddenly scared as he looked at the shattered face of his brother. Even though Murphy had slept, he looked worse than before, he looked exhausted, dazed. His color was off, he wasn’t his usual pale or even his sometimes blushing red. His eyes were swollen & bloodshot, he looked like he’d been crying for days & the spark in his eye was no longer there.

Murphy looked broken, completely broken. And Connor didn’t know how to fix him. All he knew was he had to get Murphy home, and fast, otherwise he was likely to break further.

Connor wiped at Murphy’s face with his hand, his touch gentle, his touch seemingly unnoticed by his twin. “You’re okay. Come on, sit up.” He took Murphy by the arm & pulled, Murphy allowing himself to be brought into a sitting position. Murphy’s chin dropped to his chest as Connor moved his legs to dangle over the side of the bed. “I’ve got you. Let’s get your shoes on, all right?”

As Connor bent over & reached for the sneakers, a meaty hand came out of nowhere & grabbed him by the shoulder, spinning him around and blindsiding him with a punch to the jaw. Connor felt like he was hit by a slab of cement, the punch was solid and nothing was held back from the impact. Connor stumbled back, stars in his vision, blood in his mouth.

“I warned you!” Jonathan hissed, another punch connecting to Connor’s face, another blindside causing the younger man’s head to snap back with a loud snap of his teeth.

Connor shook his head to clear his mind as he stumbled further away, spitting blood onto Jonathan’s pristine carpet, intentionally staining it. “You mother fucker,” Connor said with a lick of his lips, his tongue coated in blood, his eyes filled with venom.

Connor dropped his head & charged the man, grabbing him around his waist & lifting him in the air, slamming him full force to the floor. Connor thought about the marks all over Murphy, the hickeys, the bruises on his arm, on his back, on his belly. And he began to hit Jonathan as hard as he could, his knuckles coated in the man’s blood.

Grunts filled the air as they hit each other viciously, grunts interspaced with loud commands to fuck off. Their bodies rolled across the floor, their feet kicked wildly in the air, their blood smeared across their faces & hands, staining their clothes.

Murphy watched from the bed, stunned, his eyes taking in the sight of the two men fighting over him. One demanding he stay, one demanding he go. One his boyfriend, one his brother. One he liked, one he hopelessly loved. And the one he loved had lost the upper hand & was now pinned to the ground.

“No.....no, don’t!” Murphy croaked as he sprang to his feet, suddenly alert & full of adrenalin, suddenly shaken from his stupor. His eyes stared at the face he knew better than his own, the first face he ever saw, the only face he ever loved.....Connor’s face, Connor’s face that was bleeding because of him.

Jonathan was ready to pummel his now defenseless victim but Murphy grabbed at his arm, preventing him from attacking. “No! Stop!” Murphy tried to yell but his voice was almost gone, it was more of a hiss than a yell.

Jonathan pushed Murphy off with a glare and a snarl, his bloody finger pointing at Murphy. “I’m not done teaching your boy toy a lesson! He can’t have you, Murphy, you’re mine!” He pulled back, his fist at the ready, set to pummel Connor.

Murphy jumped on top of Jonathan, pulling at him, dragging him off of Connor. He had no idea how he managed to get the large man across the room, he only knew he had to get him away from his brother, it was his turn to protect.

Jonathan regained his footing & whirled on his heels, grabbing Murphy by the biceps & shoving his back into the wall. There was a loud thud as Murphy’s body hit the plaster, a picture falling to the floor from the impact, Murphy groaning in pain. Jonathan turned to move back to Connor but Murphy reached out, grabbing hold & pulling him back. Jonathan looked into Murphy’s eyes with surprise, he was stunned by the turn of events and they began to scuffle for dominance. Neither one wanted to hit the other, neither one wanted to inflict any pain, neither one wanted to injure or maim. Jonathan finally exerted his superior strength and instead of hitting him, he pushed Murphy to the floor.

Connor was back on his feet, ready to trade blows with Jonathan again, ready to do whatever he had to do to get Murphy the fuck out of there. He was ready for Jonathan this time, he wasn’t about to be blindsided.

As they prepared to trade blows once more, Murphy watched from the floor, still on his knees. He couldn’t stand what was happening, one spilled drop of Connor’s blood was one drop too many. Connor was a good fighter & he could hold his own but he was bleeding from his mouth & nose, he was in pain, he was hurting.

“Leave my brother alone!” Even though Murphy’s voice was still raspy, even though his voice held panic, his words were still clear.

Jonathan stopped. Jonathan turned. Jonathan stared at Murphy as those words hung in the air, his mind trying to comprehend what Murphy had just yelled out..... _“Leave my brother alone.”_

“Wait a minute. Your brother? Connor is your _brother?”_

Murphy stared back, holy fuck.....what had he done? He just told one of his secrets. He wanted to stand & run away but he couldn’t move. His eyes went from Jonathan to Connor and back to Jonathan, unable to focus solely on one or the other. He felt dizzy & everything started to move in slow motion as Jonathan turned back to look directly at Connor.

“You’re Murphy’s brother?”

Connor looked confused, nodding slowly. “I’m his fucking twin.”

“Connor.....right?”

Again, Connor nodded, his eyes leaving Jonathan & staring at Murphy, his eyes searching for some sort of explanation. Murphy could only stare back, he knew Connor didn’t know what was going on.....not yet anyway. But he’d figure it out soon enough.

Murphy glanced at Jonathan before looking down, Jonathan had it all figured out, it was obvious by the look on his face. Murphy was in love with Connor, Connor was his brother.....they were one and the same, Jonathan had it all figured out. He’d tell Connor and then Murphy would be ostracized from Connor’s life, he’d be banished forever, he’d live a lonely, loveless existence.

Jonathan slowly walked toward Murphy, standing directly in front of him, looking down at the boy still on his knees. “Look at me, Murphy.”

Murphy shook his head, he didn’t want to look at Jonathan, he didn’t want to see the judgment in his eyes. Jonathan reached down & took Murphy by his chin, lifting his head. Murphy closed his eyes as tears leaked from beneath his dark eyelashes, running down his face & wetting Jonathan’s hand.

“I said look at me.”

Murphy opened his eyes & looked up at the only man he had ever kissed, he looked at the man he had taken a chance with, he looked at the man who was his “current.” Murphy hoped for understanding, empathy, maybe even forgiveness. But he got something else entirely.

“You sick fuck.”

Those words hurt worse than any hit to the face, they stung him, they cut him. He had wished for compassion but instead he received condemnation. Murphy recoiled, pulling his face free from Jonathan’s tight grip, sliding backwards on his knees as he looked away. He knew he was a sick fuck, he knew it, he didn’t need Jonathan telling him something he already knew. The first time he jerked off to thoughts of Connor, he knew. And the million times since, he fucking knew.

The sound of his breathing was the only thing he heard, it was so loud, it echoed in his head. He looked at his beautiful perfect brother, his incredible twin, his amazing Connor and he smiled through his tears. He smiled for Connor one last time before his brother figured it out.

Connor heard it all, he’d put it together, he’d put all the pieces in place. Connor would know how truly sick he was, the kind of sick where there’s no cure, the sick nobody wants to be around. Murphy was a sick fuck and Connor would figure it out.

Murphy watched Connor start to sparkle, he looked even more incredible covered in those tiny white lights, he seemed to glow from the inside out. His peripheral vision narrowed as he watched Connor run toward him, yelling his name.

Connor was helpless as his brother’s eyes rolled to the back of his head, he tried to catch Murphy but couldn’t get to him before his body went slack & crumbled to the floor. Connor scooped him up in his arms, cupping his head in the crook of his arm while his free hand went to Murphy’s bare chest, feeling for the steady rise & fall.

Connor wasn’t sure what to do, he’d never seen anyone faint before & he felt the urge to protect Murphy when Jonathan squatted on the floor next to them both. Jonathan reached for Murphy, his hand touching his face, his thumb stroking his cheek, his anger apparently gone. Connor watched closely, ready to pull Murphy away at the slightest provocation but all Jonathan did was look and act concerned.

“He just fainted,” Jonathan practically whispered, throwing Connor off with the caring sound of his voice. “He’ll be fine, let’s give him a minute.”

They looked at each other for only a moment, a silent truce of some sort between them before they turned in tandem to stare at Murphy, waiting for the unconscious boy to wake up.


	32. Uncomfortable

The first thing he heard was Connor’s voice. “Murph? Please wake up.” Connor sounded worried, his voice held a tremor no one but Murphy would have recognized, no one else but Murphy could have caused.

The first thing he felt was Connor’s hand. The gentle fingers stroked his hair & grazed Murphy’s brow with the touch that revived his soul, the touch that made Murphy struggle to open his eyes, the touch that was his reason for breathing.

The first thing he saw was Connor. Murphy’s eyes focused on the face that was his brother, his best friend and his love. He couldn’t help but smile at that face.....Connor’s face, the face he dreamed about every night & the face he wanted to see every time he woke up.

“You okay?”

Murphy nodded in response to Connor’s question, more out of habit than anything else. But his answer really didn’t matter, Connor wouldn’t go by just his brother’s affirmation, he’d go by his gut instinct & his eyes as well. Connor would watch his twin until he was satisfied, he’d hover until he knew in his heart Murphy would be fine. After all, Murphy was Connor’s reason for breathing as well.

Murphy wasn’t sure what happened, it was the strangest sensation to be this disoriented, this lost. He began to sit up but his head spun at the sudden change in position, his stomach churning. A warm hand pushed at his chest & gently forced him back down into the crook of his brother’s arm, the spinning of his head slowing & then finally stopping. The hand remained on his chest, warm & steady, and Murphy knew that hand belonged to Jonathan.

“Just take it easy, I don’t want you passing out again.” Murphy was surprised by the kindness he heard. After being called a sick fuck, kindness was the last thing he expected from Jonathan. “Are you cold? I can get a blanket if you’re cold.”

Murphy shook his head as he looked up at Jonathan, seeing a gamut of emotions on his face and a strange look in his eye. After a moment of looking unblinking at the boy on the floor, Jonathan’s face changed somewhat, the contempt was still present, the harshness was still there, but now that look also held touches of concern. Murphy’s fainting had not only startled Jonathan, it had scared him as well.

Jonathan was still trying to process what he had learned in the last few minutes, he was trying to let it all sink in. Murphy was in love with his brother. And not just his brother, but his _twin_ brother. Jonathan didn’t know what to do with that information, he didn’t know how to get beyond his sense of betrayal, his loathing, his disgust. He still cared about Murphy, he still wanted him, but he was torn. This boy came with a secret his twin brother knew nothing about, a secret that was taboo, a secret that was forbidden.

Connor was watching Jonathan watch his brother. He didn’t like how Jonathan was looking at Murph, he didn’t like how close he was, how his hand rested on Murphy’s chest. Fuck.....he didn’t even like him in the same room. Connor wanted to push Jonathan away, tell him to get his dirty hands off of Murphy, but now wasn’t the time. He had to stay calm & in control.....Murphy needed him. Connor looked down at his brother, his eyes assessing his condition. Murphy’s color was returning, his eyes were no longer blank, his breathing was regular. Connor felt like he could finally relax.....Murphy was starting to look like himself once again.

Murphy slowly sat up, this time with success, his head no longer spinning. They each grabbed an arm as he stood, both supporting him, both very close. Murphy could feel their eyes on him as he steadied himself.

“Sit on the bed, Murphy,” Jonathan instructed, pulling his arm slightly, coaxing him toward the bed. “Don’t fight me on this.”

Murphy glanced at Connor, making sure he was okay with the situation and after Connor nodded, Murphy walked slowly toward the bed & sat. He felt the tension between the two, the anger, the need to be top dog. Connor sat next to him on the bed while Jonathan squatted in front of him, each trying to be in close proximity.

“You both need to stop, I’m fine.”

“I know ya are,” Connor mumbled quietly, although not entirely convinced. Murphy could tell by the sound of his voice that Connor wasn’t yet satisfied with his condition but that would come with time.

Jonathan placed his hand on Murphy’s knee & gently rubbed it. “I’m just making sure, Murphy. I’m your current. It’s my job.”

Murphy’s _“current?”_ What the fuck was that? Connor stared at Jonathan’s hand, watching it stay on his brother’s knee, watching it rub Murphy’s leg. It was all he could do not to break every finger that ever touched Murph. Connor looked at his brother who was looking more and more uncomfortable, more and more nervous.

“Could you get me a glass of water, Jonathan?” Murphy softly asked, not really wanting any water, he just wanted to separate the two before the situation tumbled out of control once again. Connor instantly recognized the tone in his brother’s voice. It was the same tone Murphy used all the time on Connor when he wanted something. It was that same tone that always worked. “Please?”

Jonathan patted his knee, the sound of Murphy’s voice and the look on his face causing Jonathan to quickly relent. “Yes, I can get you some water.” He stood & looked down at the MacManus brothers, his eyes pausing on Connor before returning his piercing eyes to Murphy’s. “I expect you to still be here when I get back.”

“I’ll be here,” Murphy quietly promised, feeling his brother tense next to him, feeling the discomfort radiating from his body. Their matching eyes watched Jonathan slowly walk from the room, the man pausing in the doorway to look back at the pair before finally exiting.

Connor stood & grabbed Murphy’s shirt off the bed, tossing it at him and hitting him in the chest. “Get your shirt on, we’re getting the fuck out of here.” He didn’t wait for an answer, he assumed Murphy would just do what he said. He scooped one of Murphy’s shoes off the floor & squatted in front of his brother, grabbing at his foot.

“Conn.....stop,” Murphy mumbled as he tried to pull his foot free but Connor held onto his ankle, not letting him go. He pushed Murphy’s sneaker onto his foot & moved his fingers to the laces, his hand releasing his ankle in the process. Murphy pulled his leg away as Connor looked up at him in shock.

“Don’t.”

_Don’t?_ Connor wanted to smack his brother, what the fuck was his problem? All he was doing was trying to get him out of this shit hole  & Murphy was fighting him, telling him don’t. He picked up the other shoe & grabbed Murphy’s other ankle, his fingers holding tight as he glared at his twin.

“Knock it off, Murph. Quit fooling around.”

Murphy tried to pull his foot free but Connor turned & wrapped his arm around Murphy’s leg, his armpit pressing into Murphy’s shin & holding his leg in place. He forced the shoe onto his twin’s foot & began to tie the shoelaces as Murphy squirmed, his hand now pushing at Connor’s shoulder.

“Quit dressing me, Connor.”

Connor finished with the laces & twisted his body, grabbing Murphy’s other leg in the same hold, ignoring his brother’s protests. His fingers worked on the laces, pulling them tight as Murphy pushed harder at his brother.

“Stop treating me like a little kid.”

Connor made a scoffing sound, he’d stop treating Murph like a little kid when he stopped acting like one. Connor felt like he was five years old again, back when his brother had stubbornly refused to learn how to tie his shoes. But after Murphy had tripped & hurt himself for the millionth time, Connor took to pinning his legs & tying them himself. He used the exact same hold this day, the same hold he used when they were five.

When Connor finished, he released his brother’s leg & stood, expecting to see Murphy’s shirt on his body, not resting on the bed next to him. He sighed & grabbed the shirt, noticing it was inside out & he quickly fixed it. He moved the shirt toward his brother, intending to put it over his head but Murphy pulled back.

“Murphy, so help me God, you get your fucking shirt on right fucking now.” Connor had that look in his eye, he wasn’t about to ease up, he’d pin Murphy to the floor if he had to. He was seconds away from doing just that.

“Okay fine, just stop Connor. I’ll do it.”

Connor held the shirt out & Murphy took it from his hand, pulling it over his head just as Jonathan returned to the room. Jonathan stood in the doorway, watching Murphy put his shirt on, noticing he had his shoes on as well.

“Leaving so soon?”

Connor stood in front of Murphy, his back to his brother, blocking him from Jonathan’s eyes. Connor was attempting to protect his twin once again. “As a matter of fact we are. Thanks for bringing Murphy some water but we have plenty at home.”

“Most people do.” Jonathan walked into the room, stopping when he reached Connor, looking directly into his eyes. He wanted to say something about Murphy being in love with Connor, he wanted to knock Connor down a peg or two with the shock of it all.....he was so tempted. But even though he was disgusted with the situation, even though he was angry & hurt, he still had feelings for the boy sitting on the bed. So instead, Jonathan only said, “I have your water, Murphy.”

“I told you, we have water at home,” Connor responded as he felt Murphy’s hand on his arm, he was pulling at him, drawing him near. Murphy’s pull was firm, insistent, and Connor turned to look at his brother. “You ready, Murph?”

“In a minute, okay? I need to talk to Jonathan.”

For a moment Connor could only stare dumbfounded. Murphy stared back, his gaze unwavering & strong. Connor saw conviction in those blue eyes, Murphy wasn’t about to be dissuaded, not even by Connor.

“Fine. Talk.”

“I can’t, not in front of you. It’s private, Connor,” Murphy finally looked away as a blush began to form on his cheeks, the redness growing & spreading. There was no fucking way Murphy could talk to Jonathan in front of his twin. “Maybe you could wait for me outside.”

Jonathan moved closer, Connor could see him out of the corner of his eye, he was close enough to touch. The fucker just stood there, waiting for Connor to leave, waiting to be alone with Murphy.

“I don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone with him,” Connor confessed, his voice almost in a whisper, the sound of his voice causing Murphy to look at him once again.

“I’m not going to hurt him,” Jonathan advised, his eyes cautiously watching the older twin, waiting for him to lash out. “If you don’t want to go outside, you can wait in the next room for your brother.”

Connor’s eyes didn’t leave Murphy’s, the silent communication flowing between them. Connor was begging Murphy with his eyes, begging Murphy to let him stay.....please. But Murphy couldn’t let him stay, he wanted to but he was afraid what might be said, he was afraid what Connor might hear. After a moment, Murphy spoke up, trying to soothe his brother. “It’s just the next room. I’ll yell if I need help, okay?”

Connor didn’t understand what needed to be said between the two, why it had to be private. All Murphy had to say was “fuck off,” how private did that need to be? And he really didn’t like leaving Murph alone in here, with _him._

“Conn.....please. I’ll be okay.” And there was that hushed voice of Murphy’s once again, the hushed voice he used on both Connor & Jonathan to get what he wanted. Connor recognized it but couldn’t stop his visceral reaction, his desire to do whatever his brother asked.....but his mind told him to stay close. And this time, his mind won out. Connor might leave the room, but he’d stay within earshot.

Connor turned toward Jonathan, poking him in the chest with his finger. “If you hurt one fucking hair on his head, I swear I’ll fucking kill you. Got it, asshole?”

Jonathan nodded and with a final shove against Jonathan’s shoulder, Connor walked out the door. Once Connor was gone, Jonathan turned to look at the lone twin, noticing how his eyes lingered on the doorway as if he could still picture Connor in the room. Jonathan held the glass toward Murphy, the ice clinking from the movement, condensation running down the side of the glass. “Drink some water. You’re dehydrated & it’ll feel good on your throat.”

Murphy took the glass from Jonathan’s hand, bringing it to his lips & taking a couple sips. Jonathan was right, it did feel good on his throat. “Could you shut the door? I don’t want Connor to hear.”

Jonathan obeyed Murphy’s request & quietly shut the door, returning to the bed & sitting next to him. Murphy took another sip of water before Jonathan took the glass from his hand & placed it on the nightstand. They sat in awkward silence, neither one really knowing how to start.

Murphy looked at Jonathan, he looked at the man he foolishly tried to replace Connor with. He shook his head, Jonathan was no Connor MacManus. He didn’t have Connor’s spark, he didn’t have that special something that only Connor possessed.....bottom line was, he just wasn’t Connor.

Jonathan looked back at Murphy, he looked at the boy he still wanted. He lifted his hand & stroked Murphy’s cheek with the back of his fingers, his hand sliding down to the boys neck, his fingers pausing over one of the dark hickeys. Murphy slowly pulled back until they were no longer touching & Jonathan returned his hand to the bed with a loud sigh of resignation.

“You never did answer my question.”

Jonathan chuckled, Murphy was so naïve sometimes, he actually didn’t know why Jonathan marked him. “You still want an answer?” Murphy nodded & Jonathan looked away, staring at the wall. “All right. I guess I was marking my territory, Murphy, like a rutting animal in a sense. I wanted Connor to see the hickeys.”

Jonathan waited for a reply and when he got none, he turned to look at Murphy, seeing the hurt look in his eyes. “Is that look because of me? Or because of Connor?”

“Because of Connor.”

Murphy decided the lies were done, at least with Jonathan. Murphy’s hurt look was because Connor had found out, he’d seen the marks, it hurt that Connor hadn’t been the one to kiss Murphy’s neck. They stared at each other for a few moments & Murphy felt like he was talking to a stranger, not his boyfriend. A stranger in the sense that Jonathan really didn’t know him at all, he didn’t know his heart & all that it held deep inside. And it was because he hadn’t been honest with Jonathan or with Connor.....or even with himself. He was in love with Connor. Still. And he couldn’t deny it any more.

“I’m sorry.” Murphy’s apology sound empty, it sounded lame even to his own ears. But he truly meant it, he truly was sorry.

Jonathan felt the anger flare, he felt betrayed by Murphy. Everything that happened felt like a betrayal, every look, every touch, every kiss. And that made him angry. “You chose me, Murphy. Me over Connor. You told me you were over him, you told me I’m your current.”

“You were my current.”

“Were?”

Murphy was hurting Jonathan more than he thought he could ever hurt another person. The look in his eye was terrible to witness. “I never meant to hurt you, Jonathan. I really did think I was over him. But.....I’m still completely in love with Connor. I always have been.”

Jonathan spent the next five minutes trying to convince Murphy of something he already knew, he tried to convince Murphy that Connor wouldn’t love him back the way he wanted, the way he needed. He tried to convince Murphy to stay.

Murphy listened to Jonathan, his words digging deeply, his words ringing true. And when he was done, all Murphy could do was apologize once again. Apologize & try to explain, even if it hurt.

Murphy told Jonathan about his feelings for Connor, how much he loved him, how much he wanted him. And not like a brother, either. Connor was his everything, Connor was the reason his heart beat.....Connor was his love.

Murphy told Jonathan he’d been in love with Connor for years, ever since he knew what love was. No one could ever take Connor’s place, it just wasn’t possible. Murphy’s love had only grown stronger with the passing of time, every second Murphy loved Connor a bit more. And tomorrow, he’d love him even more than today.

Murphy told Jonathan he’d be in love with Connor forever, he knew that know. And even if Connor never loved him back the same way, even if he’d never take him in his arms & kiss him like a lover would, it wouldn’t change his love, it couldn’t diminish it or tarnish it. Murphy would be in love with Connor until the end of time.

Jonathan didn’t react at first, all he did was listen & stare. When Murphy finally ended his long soliloquy and got no response, he looked down at his hands, his fingers picking at his nails. “I guess you were right about me, Jonathan. I am a sick fuck. I’m in love with my brother.”

Jonathan watched him for a few moments before he finally said, “It’s funny. I pictured us in bed but never quite like this. Not quite the pillow talk I imagined.”

Murphy turned & looked at Jonathan, a sad smile on his face, regret in his voice. “Me either.”

Jonathan leaned to the side, bumping his shoulder against Murphy’s just like he did on that very first day they met. “Do you know a place where I can find some nice tomatoes?”

Murphy raised his eyebrows & nodded, their private joke still warming his heart. “As a matter of fact, I do. Best ones in town.”

“Hmmm.....I wonder what that shopkeeper would think of this situation. He’s known you & your brother for a long time, right?”

Murphy flinched, he felt like he had been punched in the gut, he felt instantly sick. He hadn’t even thought about anyone else finding out, his life would be ruined it if got out.....Connor’s life would be ruined. “Jonathan.....please don’t.” Murphy held his breath & waited, a silent prayer crossing his mind.

Jonathan’s face was blank, completely blank. And when he spoke, his voice was without emotion. “Relax, Murphy. I won’t say anything.....even though I should.”

Relax.....yeah, right. Murphy didn’t know whether he should believe Jonathan but he had no choice, he had to just hope he wouldn’t say anything. All Murphy wanted to do was go home, to get away from this place, away from Jonathan. He wanted to go home with Connor. Murphy stood, Jonathan following him to the door, stopping Murphy before he could open it.

Jonathan pulled him into a tight embrace, he wrapped his arms around Murphy’s body, he pressed his face into Murphy’s hair. Murphy tried to relax but it felt odd to be held like this after all that happened between them. He didn’t want to push Jonathan away, he didn’t want to anger him, but he also didn’t want Jonathan to touch him anymore.

Jonathan whispered in Murphy’s ear, “I told you I won’t ever give your heart back, Murphy. You gave it to me & it’s mine. I’ll be here when you finally come to your senses & give up on Connor.”

And then he let Murphy go with a light kiss on the cheek.

Murphy stood still for a moment, not knowing how to respond, he felt dazed. He slowly turned, opened the door & came face to face with Connor. The twins stared at each other until Murphy looked over his shoulder at Jonathan & gave him a final nod goodbye.

The MacManus twins walked home in silence, neither one uncomfortable but neither one entirely relaxed. Murphy knew as soon as they got home Connor would insist on talking, he’d want to know everything that happened with Jonathan, he’d want to talk about Murphy being gay.

Murphy had dreaded this talk his entire life but now that it was here, he welcomed it.....he wouldn’t have to hide that part of his life from his twin any longer. He would tell Connor anything he wanted to know, he’d answer any question he had, he wouldn’t lie about being gay. The only secret he’d be left with was being in love with Connor, that lone secret would remain, that one thing he’d keep hidden.

But what Murphy hadn’t realized was that Connor had been listening at the door the entire time he’d been talking with Jonathan. Connor heard, he knew. Connor knew Murphy was in love with him.


	33. I'm gay, Connor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I thank each & every one of you for your kindness, your comments, kudos, bookmarks & just for reading my very first story. I am very behind on responding to comments but I have read each & every one of them & I so appreciate your wonderful words. Thank you from the bottom of my heart & I will be responding as soon as I can, I promise. This chapter is quite long & seemed to take quite a while to write for some odd reason. I hope it's worthy.

Connor watched his brother as they walked in silence, heading toward their home, heading for the talk Connor was now nervous to begin. They had to talk about Jonathan, they had to talk about Murphy being gay and they had to talk about him being in love with Connor.

As Connor stared at Murphy he still couldn’t believe it..... _Murphy was in love with him._ It explained so much, it all made sense now. All the looks, all the touches, all the shy smiles.....all the hard-ons Murphy had that Connor pretended not to notice. It was so obvious, everything screamed out that Murphy was in love with him. How the fuck had he missed all that? Connor should have known, he should have seen it in Murphy’s eyes, he should have felt it in his heart. He shouldn’t have had to overhear it to realize how his twin felt.

He watched Murphy kick at the stones in the road, just like he did ever since they were old enough to walk. He watched Murphy chew on his lip with the nervous energy he never seemed to be without. And he watched Murphy for no other reason than just because he could.

Connor couldn’t take his eyes off Murph.....he was so fucking beautiful.

Murphy glanced at him & Connor actually lost his breath for a moment, time stood still for that split second when their eyes locked. _Murphy was in love with him._ Connor wanted to tell him that he knew, Murphy didn’t have to pretend any more, they could talk about it.....maybe do something about it. But then Murphy looked away, he ducked his head  & walked a bit faster and Connor walked on in silence next to him, still watching.

Murphy noticed Connor staring, his eyes followed every step Murphy took since they left Jonathan’s apartment. Murphy didn’t know what to make of it, every time he looked at Connor, he was already looking back. He wanted to watch Connor but he couldn’t, not with Connor staring at him with those eyes that seemed to look _through_ him. Why the fuck was Connor staring so much? He needed to stop, it was making Murphy nervous.

Murphy chewed his lip & shoved his hands into his pockets, trying to suppress the urge to look at Connor once again. It had been a couple minutes since Murphy last looked, surely Connor wouldn’t still be staring, he would have stopped by now. But just in case, Murphy kept his eyes straight ahead. He kicked at a couple stones, trying to distract himself from his suddenly intense twin but with Connor so close, that was impossible.

He had no idea what to say to Connor once they got home but he knew they had so much to talk about. He didn’t want to talk about Jonathan, it was over and done with, Murphy didn’t want to hear Jonathan’s name ever again. Talking about him wouldn’t erase the hickeys from Murphy’s neck, it wouldn’t change where Murphy had just been, how Connor found him in Jonathan’s bed.

He didn’t want to talk about how he freaked out & ran away because he wouldn’t be able to explain it without telling Connor he was in love with him. That was his last & final secret and if that got out, Connor’s life would be ruined. He’d take his secret to the grave if he had to, he’d protect Connor from his depravity.

And he really didn’t want to talk about being gay. Connor knew already, it was out in the open so why talk about it. He didn’t want to have to explain why he liked boys when he didn’t know why himself.

Connor still loved him, that’s all Murphy cared about. Murphy being gay hadn’t changed that love. And now all Murphy wanted to do was to go home with Connor. He wanted Connor to smile at him & tell him everything would be okay. He wanted Connor to hug him & tell him nothing changed between them. He wanted all that to be true, he wanted to fucking believe.

Their house was empty when they arrived, just like they both knew it would be. Connor motioned toward the stairs, effectively telling Murphy to go where he was supposed to have been waiting hours earlier. Murphy hesitated only briefly before he did as his brother indicated, he went to their room.

When Connor finally joined him, he’d washed his face clean of the dried blood & he held in his hands two glasses of cold soda. He held one glass toward his brother & Murphy took it from his hand, taking a refreshing sip while Connor watched him for a reaction. Even after all that happened at Jonathan’s apartment, after Connor had been hurt & bleeding after that vicious fight, Connor still took care of his younger twin.

“How’s your throat?”

Murphy nodded as if to say he was fine even though it still burned like hell from all the screaming he had done. Even the cool drink didn’t soothe his throat in the least.

“You okay to talk?”

Murphy took a deep breath, here it is.....the talk. He nodded before taking another sip of soda, delaying the inevitable for the briefest moment. He held the glass with both hands, staring at the bubbles, his thumbs running through the water that was forming on the glass.

Connor drank his soda & let Murphy play with the glass for a few moments before he finally took it from his brother & placed both glasses on their desk. He nervously wiped his hands on his thighs before he gingerly sat next to Murphy on his bed, his mind trying to decide how to broach the subject that would blindside his baby brother. He couldn’t come up with a way to begin, he didn’t know what to say. Murphy’s hand was resting on the bed & Connor reached out & placed his hand over his twin’s, gently squeezing as he struggled to form words.

Murphy looked down at their hands. Connor’s hand was so gentle, so warm as it rested against his skin. With that gentle squeeze Murphy felt Connor’s love & acceptance, he drew strength from his twin. Murphy rotated his hand & interlaced their fingers, gently squeezing back.

“I’m gay, Connor.” There. He said it, he finally said it. It actually felt good to say it out loud, it was something he always knew deep inside and it was something he didn’t want to hide anymore, not from Connor. He lifted his head & looked at his twin, waiting for the hammer to fall. Even though Connor already knew he was gay, saying it out loud made it a reality neither brother could ignore. Murphy cleared his throat & said it again, a bit louder. “I’m gay.”

“I know, Murph.”

Murphy laughed, Connor’s reaction was so anti-climactic that it was funny. It was like it was no big deal to him.....maybe because it wasn’t. Nothing had changed between them, not one fucking thing. Connor still loved him, he was still looking at him, he was still touching him. Connor didn’t leave.....he barely even blinked.

Connor looked at him with a gentleness Murphy saw often in those eyes, a gentleness that was for Murphy alone. “You could have told me. I would have understood.”

“I know.....but I was so scared, Conn.”

Connor felt his heart break at the sound of Murphy’s voice, it was strained & raw sounding from the earlier screams, the screams caused by Connor when he pushed too hard & too fast. “You weren’t ready to tell me. I’m so sorry I forced you, Murph.”

Murphy squeezed his hand in reassurance, trying to communicate with his touch more than his words. “It’s okay. I’m glad you know. Besides, it’s not like you don’t have eyes, right?”

Connor knew Murphy was referring to the hickeys, those hideous marks that prompted all of this, those fucking marks Jonathan put all over Murphy’s skin. His eyes glanced at his brother’s neck, seeing the trail of hickeys that went from Murphy’s ear & disappeared under his collar. As Murphy tried to hide his neck, Connor’s emotions surged. A full tide of feelings overtook him, his emotions threatened to drown him & he struggled to regain his composure.

He first felt that familiar anger return, that protective instinct he had since birth. He wanted to pummel Jonathan for taking advantage of his sweet & innocent twin, for recognizing Murphy’s vulnerability & pouncing on him like a dog in heat. He didn’t understand why Murphy would let someone like Jonathan touch him, kiss him and mark him.

Jealousy quickly followed the anger. Connor didn’t recognize it at first but now that he knew about Murphy’s feelings, his own feelings suddenly became clear. And he was jealous. Connor was jealous of Jonathan. Jonathan had kissed Murphy, probably a lot. He’d held Murphy in his arms, he’d whispered in his ear, he’d touched him. How far had they gone? Had Jonathan touched him _there?_ As he thought about Murphy with another man, Connor felt his heart skip a beat. He should have been the one kissing Murph..... _him,_ not Jonathan. It should have been Connor’s body pressed against him, he should have been the one holding Murph.....touching him, loving him.

That’s when it hit Connor, that’s when he knew for certain, there was no doubt. The feelings he fought, the desire to kiss Murphy, the need to be with him, it all made sense. It was love. He could feel it deep in his heart & soul, he was in love. Connor was in love with Murphy.

“Conn? What’s wrong?”

Connor smiled at his brother, at his twin, at his Murph. “I love you, Murphy.”

Murphy instantly smiled in response, his eyes lighting up, his hand squeezing Connor’s. “I love you too, Conn. More than you know.”

Connor smirked at the irony of his twin’s words. Connor could see it, he could see the love Murphy had for him, it was so fucking obvious. He had missed it for years but now he saw it. Murphy’s love was like the brightest star in the sky, it sparkled, it glowed, it lit up the darkness that surrounded it. Murphy was Connor’s shining star.

Connor released his brother’s hand & leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Murphy in a tight embrace. His twin instantly responded, his own arms wrapping tightly around Connor as Murphy slid his body closer, their thighs touching, his hands clinging tightly to Connor’s shirt. Murphy sighed as he leaned harder into his brother, needing this contact so desperately.

They held each other, both twins grasping tightly, both twins breathing the others scent in, both twins deeply in love. Connor pushed at Murphy’s body with his chest, leaning him backward & pushing Murphy’s back onto the mattress, all the while still hugging him.

Murphy laughed in Connor’s ear, certain Connor was being far too protective again. Murphy’s breath was hot on Connor’s skin, it moved Connor’s hair & tickled his neck. “I’m fine, Connor. I don’t need to lie down. Honest.”

Connor released his brother & maneuvered his body on top of him, his knee between Murphy’s legs, his body pressed into him, his forearms on the mattress keeping the majority of his weight off the lighter twin. Murphy’s hands slid down to Connor’s narrow waist & rested there as he watched Connor’s eyes travel over his face.

Connor never did this before, they’d wrestled & Connor had pinned him at least a million times but he’d never been on top of him like…..like _this._ Murphy squirmed beneath his brother, he shifted against his body and Connor responded by letting more of his weight press into Murphy, pushing him harder into the mattress, holding him in place. Murphy could have pushed Connor off but he liked being this close to him, he liked being in this position, he liked feeling Connor’s body even if Murphy was in danger of getting a hard-on.

Connor studied his brother’s face, his eyes, his nose, his mouth. Murphy was the most amazing person he’d ever seen, amazing in every way Connor could think of. When Murphy squirmed beneath him, Connor’s instinct was to rut against him but he fought that urge & instead allowed more of his body to cover his twin, enjoying the sensation of their intermingled body heat.

Connor reached up & stroked Murphy’s hair, smiling at how dark his auburn locks looked against the stark whiteness of the bedspread. His hair had fanned out beneath his head & it made Murphy look even more incredible. Connor bent his head & kissed the side of Murphy’s head, gently pressing his lips to Murphy’s soft hair, the hair he loved to touch & smell. Connor kissed his head a dozen times, all in slightly different places, all with lingering lips, all with a bit more love than the prior kiss. 

Murphy grinned as Connor lifted his head, a slight laugh coming before his words were spoken. “Guess you still like my hair, huh?”

“I like your nose too, Murph.”

Connor bent his head & gently kissed the tip of Murphy’s nose, pausing to look him in the eye before dipping his head & repeating the nose kiss. When Connor pulled away, Murphy smirked & lifted his head, rubbing his nose against Connor’s in an old fashioned Eskimo kiss like they used to do when they were seven. Connor laughed as Murphy rubbed his nose against his cheek & chin before lowering his head back to the mattress.

“What else do ya like, Conn?” Murphy quietly asked, continuing what he thought was only a game with a bite of his lip.

“Your face. I like your face.”

Murphy was surprised by the seriousness in Connor’s voice, Connor didn’t sound like he was joking, not at all. He watched as Connor moved to kiss his forehead, his lips pressing against his skin for a few moments before he kissed both of Murphy’s cheeks & ending with a sweet kiss on his chin.

Murphy didn’t know what to do, this all felt different from any other time they were together. It felt like when Jonathan was on top of him, it felt sensual, it felt borderline sexual.....it felt hot & sticky. It didn’t feel like it was his brother on top of him.....Connor felt like a boyfriend, like a future lover. Murphy’s breathing was labored, he was getting turned on, his jeans suddenly felt tight & uncomfortable.

Murphy looked away. No, he wouldn’t be that fucking stupid, he promised himself a long time ago he’d stop pretending Connor wanted him. And now here he was, being a dumb fuck once again. A dumb fuck with a growing problem in his pants. A dumb sick fuck in love with his brother.

“It’s okay, Murph.” Connor put his hand on Murphy’s cheek & turned Murphy’s head so they could look in each other’s eyes. Connor smiled at him as his thumb stroked Murphy’s bottom lip. “I like your mouth too.”

Then Connor shocked the living fuck out of Murphy. He lowered his head, closed his eyes & pressed his lips to Murphy’s mouth. Murphy inhaled through his nose in shock, his eyes open wide & unblinking as Connor kissed him tenderly. His hands clutched at Connor’s waist, his fingers digging into his sides as a small whimper escaped Murphy’s mouth.

Connor was gentle and sweet, he was incredibly loving. He kissed Murphy with the lightest touch, his lips soft & slow moving. His fingers stroked Murphy’s cheek before sliding into his hair, feeling the softness he could never get enough of, even now. Connor didn’t want to rush, he wanted to savor every second of this kiss, wishing Murphy would kiss him back. Connor opened his mouth slightly, his kiss wetter against Murphy’s lips, trying to draw a response from his twin.

Murphy was in shock, he had to be dreaming, it was the only explanation. Connor wouldn’t be on top of him, he wouldn’t be kissing him if this wasn’t a dream. This was nothing but a cruel dream that would make Murphy cry when he woke up, all because it wasn’t real. But it felt so amazing to have Connor kissing him, to feel his body pressing down on top of him.....what if.....what if this wasn’t a dream? What if.....what if this really was happening? What if Connor really was kissing him?

Murphy whimpered again, almost too softly for Connor to hear. But Connor did hear & he pulled away, thinking he might be scaring his brother somehow. He felt how hard Murphy’s fingers dug into his waist, he felt how hard Murphy was breathing beneath him, he felt how hard Murphy had become against his thigh.

“Connor?” Murphy said his name in the most hushed voice Connor had ever heard, his voice barely a whisper. Connor ran his thumb across his brother’s bottom lip, wiping away the moisture from his kiss. Murphy’s face was red from excitement, his hair was mussed, his eyes wild.

“Yeah?”

“Conn.....” Murphy whispered again, his brother’s name the only thing that came to his mind.

Connor shifted on top of him, preparing to get off his brother, Murphy wasn’t ready for this yet. He’d been through too much today, it was overwhelming him. But as Connor lifted his body, Murphy’s fingers tightened further, his hands slid across Connor’s lower back & he pulled Connor down flush on top of him.

“Don’t.”

This was the second time today Murphy told him don’t. And this was the first time Connor would listen. He allowed his body to rest on top of his twin once again, Murphy’s legs wrapping tightly around the leg that was positioned between his thighs, their breath hot in each other’s faces. Connor smiled, Murphy wasn’t letting him go.

They stared at each other, just listening to the other one breathe, wrapped around the person they began life with. Murphy didn’t think, he acted without fear of consequence. He lifted his head & closed the short distance between their lips, praying to God this wasn’t a dream. Please, let this be real.

They opened their mouths to each other, identical smiles on their lips when their tongues met in the most incredible kiss either had ever experienced. Connor tasted exactly how Murphy imagined, exactly how he dreamt. He was sweet like a rich caramel.....Connor tasted like heaven. Their kisses quickly became more heated, more insistent, more frantic.

Connor’s hand was in Murphy’s hair again, twisting it in his tight grip. Murphy slid his hands beneath Connor’s shirt, feeling the hard muscles on Connor’s back, his fingers stroking the skin without hesitation. Murphy dreamt of this his entire life & now it was reality, his love was kissing him passionately. They moved their lips in an innate rhythm, they were in complete harmony with each other, their mouths equally hungry, equally wanting more.

But then Connor pulled away, he lifted his body off his twin & he leaned back, resting on his heels. He was breathing hard as he looked down at his brother, his beautiful Murph with the kiss swollen lips.

Murphy flopped down on the bed beneath him, his hands ripped from Connor’s back, his hair practically mangled by Connor’s hand. He stared up at his brother with scared eyes, waiting for Connor to leave him, waiting for Connor to tell him he was a sick fuck. Murphy licked his lips to taste Connor one final time before he lost him forever, his legs loosening their tight grip on his twin’s thigh as he anxiously waited.

Connor lifted his shirt off his body, tossing it to the floor, smiling at his brother as Murphy realized Connor wasn’t leaving, he was staying. Murphy smiled in relief, trying not to look at the beautiful bare chest in front of him. He’d seen Connor naked a million times but right now, this very moment, it was completely different. His hand shook as he reached up & stroked Connor’s chest, his nails lightly scratching his skin, his fingers pressing into the ridges of his muscles as he explored his brother’s body.

Connor laughed at his brother’s shy reaction, he’d never seen Murph like this before, it was incredibly sexy. After Murphy’s hand finished a third lap over his chest, Connor reached for his twins shirt, working it up his body as Murphy squirmed on the bed beneath him, trying to help. They laughed together as they finally got Murphy’s shirt off & Connor balled it up and tossed it over his shoulder.

His eyes roamed over Murphy’s body, for the first time Connor looked at him with the knowledge that Murphy _wanted_ him to look. Murphy had the flattest stomach he’d ever seen with just the right amount of hair below his navel. He was obviously hard, his erection prominent as it pushed against the zipper of his jeans, trying to get free. He had the narrowest waist and the most incredible shoulders. Murphy was just perfect.

“I know.....I’m too skinny.”

“No, Murph. You’re just beautiful.”

_“Conn.....”_ Murphy whined, not knowing how to respond to that compliment. He looked away, the blush covering his face  & traveling down his neck, his voice once again so soft. “Don’t.”

It was the third time that word came from Murphy’s mouth. The first had been ignored, the second had been obeyed but the third.....the third melted Connor’s heart. Murphy was insecure.

Connor reached for Murphy’s belt, undoing it slowly, the metal clink of his buckle sounding loud in the quiet room. Murphy watched as Connor undid the button on his jeans & slowly pulled down the zipper, careful not to catch any part of Murphy’s hard dick in the metal. Murphy’s cock sprang from his pants, his boxers tenting high off his body as Connor maneuvered his jeans down his hips to give his swollen dick the room it needed.

“There. It looked a little painful, that should be better for you.”

Murphy nodded, his dick no longer throbbing from confinement but throbbing with excitement. He glanced at Connor’s groin, disappointed his twin’s dick wasn’t equally as hard, it only appeared to be half way there. But Murphy got erections easily, especially around Connor. And Connor always seemed to have better self-control in every aspect of their lives, erections being no exception.

Connor repositioned himself on top of his brother, careful not to put his weight on Murphy’s dick, instead resting his hip against the side of the stiff shaft. Murphy turned toward him, his legs wrapping around Connor’s leg once more, his mouth quickly finding his twin’s lips.

They began to kiss leisurely once again, their tongues tasting, their mouths enjoying each other and Murphy quietly moaned despite his attempts not to. Connor smiled at his brother’s sounds & Murphy pressed into his hip & grinded his erection slowly against his brother. Connor laughed & Murphy pulled his mouth away, his hips abruptly stopping their movement.

“Why are you laughing at me?” Murphy sounded hurt, his insecurity bringing him close to tears. What did he do wrong? Did he kiss weird? Was his hard-on a joke? Why was Connor laughing?

Connor kissed his lips gently, his hand stroking his hair. “I’m sorry Murph. I just remembered the last time you rubbed your erection on me.”

“You mean.....when I humped you,” Murphy quietly remembered, his eyes looking at the ceiling. “That time you watched me cum after I humped you. I remember, Connor.”

Connor kissed Murphy’s cheek as Murphy turned slightly away in embarrassment, Connor quickly containing his amusement. “Murph,” Connor quietly said as his twin kept his eyes diverted. He pecked at Murphy’s cheek loudly with no reaction, trying to lighten his brother’s mood. “Come on, I didn’t mean anything.” Connor quickly followed with more loud pecks to his brother’s face, seeing the smile begin on Murphy’s lips.

Murphy turned back to his brother and with a nod of forgiveness, Murphy returned to Connor’s delicious mouth. They just started to kiss deeply, they just started to lose themselves in each other, they just started to grind their bodies together when the bellow of their mother coming up the stairs shocked them apart.

Their limbs were intertwined & they fumbled as they tried to separate, Connor desperately springing from Murphy’s bed, tripping over his feet as he stumbled across the room to create distance. Murphy was slower to react, his emotions were too intense and he sat up looking lost & overheated.

Their mother didn’t knock, she burst through the door, angry that neither of her sons responded when she called to them from the first floor. She first caught sight of Connor, her eyebrows drawn together as she took a good look at him. He only appeared slightly disheveled, Connor could always recover from any situation quickly & he cleverly hid his engorged crotch behind the desk chair.

“Ma! You need to knock!” Connor said forcefully as their mother’s eyes moved to her youngest son, her eyebrows rising in shock at his very different appearance.

Murphy sat on his bed, his pants pulled open, his erection jutting up between his legs & pushing his boxers toward the ceiling. His chest & face glistened with sweat & he was breathing harder than normal as he locked eyes with his mother. In a panic, Murphy grabbed his pillow & covered his groin with it, his head lowering as his eyes looked away but it was too late, his eagle-eyed mother had already noticed.

“Murphy!” She screamed at him from across the room, her voice shrill & echoing as she began to move toward her youngest child.

Murphy jumped to his feet, the pillow falling to the floor as he clutched at his pants, holding them up as he ran in the other direction, toward the safety of the bathroom. She yelled his name again just as he slammed the door shut & locked the door.

He sat on the floor & covered his ears with his hands as his mother pounded on the door, demanding he open it immediately, screaming his name. Murphy closed his eyes, praying she would just go away, his hands pressing as hard as he could against his ears.

The banging on the door eventually slowed and the bangs finally changed to soft knocks. When he finally lowered his hands to listen, the soft knock was followed by his brother’s voice. “Murph?”

Murphy waited, listening to his brother repeat his name between knocks, his voice growing more insistent with each pleading call of his name. He slowly moved toward the door, pausing to listen & hearing only Connor.

“Where’s Ma?” Murphy quietly asked through the door, listening carefully.

“Downstairs. Let me in.”

Murphy unlocked the door & opened it just enough for Connor to see his face.

“Let me in,” Connor insisted, his voice a not so quiet whisper.

Murphy stepped back & Connor entered the room, shutting the door behind him. He glanced down at Murphy’s pants, seeing they were still open but his erection long gone.

“You wanna zip up there, Murph?”

Murphy turned his back on his brother and took a step away, quickly zipping his pants & buckling his belt. When Murphy was done but stood unmoving, Connor pressed his chest into Murphy’s bare back, his body heat warming his skin, his arms wrapping around Murphy’s waist.

“It’s okay. I took care of everything,” Connor said with a light kiss to his shoulder.

“How?”

“I’m a brilliant bullshitter, Murph. I told Ma you just woke up and she bought it.” Connor started to laugh, “She thought you got hard in your sleep.”

Murphy looked over his shoulder at his brother, “Really? She didn’t know what we did?”

Connor shook his head, “Not a fucking clue.”

Murphy smiled, his hands covering the warm hands at his waist, squeezing tight. Connor protected him once again.

“Murph? We need to finish our talk, okay? I have some things to tell you.”


	34. Murphy My Love

Oh, fuck.

What did Connor need to tell him? Murphy felt his blood run cold & his stomach drop, his heart was in danger of exploding from fear. He tried not to jump to conclusions, he tried not to think the worst, he tried not to think Connor was about to tell him they’d made the worst mistake of their lives. All they did was kiss, how bad was that? Okay, so Murphy grinded his erection into Connor _again,_ but that’s not so bad, not when someone is in love, right?

But they’re brothers. It’s a sin, the worst one ever. Being in love with your brother is bad enough but they never should have acted on it. Doing what they did was unforgivable, even kissing was wrong. But still…..sin or no sin, Murphy would do it all again without hesitation, every bit of it.

Connor still had his arms wrapped around Murphy’s waist and he kissed his brother’s bare shoulder, a sweet kiss, a lingering kiss, a kiss that made Murphy close his eyes & want more. How could a kiss ever be a mistake? It didn’t feel like a mistake, it would never feel like a mistake to Murphy, not ever, not if the kiss was from Connor.

Connor pressed his chest harder against Murphy’s back & he pushed his nose through Murphy’s hair, his breath a hot whisper in his brother’s ear. “Come on, we need to talk.” Connor began to pull back just as Murphy clutched at his hands, holding them in place against his stomach, not letting the warmth of Connor’s body leave his. Murphy wanted to stay like this, he needed to feel Connor against him for just a moment longer before he’d let him go.

“Murph,” Connor whispered, understanding his brother’s fear on an instinctual level even as he felt the desperate clawing of Murphy’s nails on his skin. He noticed how Murphy trembled in his hands, how his pale face lost what little color it had, how white his knuckles were. “It’s nothing bad, okay? Come on, let me go.”

With a soft sigh, Murphy released his tight grip on Connor, allowing the comforting feeling of his twin’s body to move away. Connor’s hand found his & he allowed himself to be led back to their room, his brother smiling at him from over his shoulder as he tried to put Murphy at ease.

When they reached the bed, Connor released his hand & motioned for Murphy to sit, watching his brother’s graceful movements with unblinking eyes. Murphy paused to glance at his bed, his eyes warming when he noticed how rumpled his bedspread was, his lips tingling with the memory of his brother’s soft kisses. His tongue ran across his lips, disappointed he could no longer taste Connor’s mouth, not noticing how this action distracted his twin.

Shit, Murphy was driving him insane. How could someone be so oblivious to how sexy they were, how incredibly erotic a simple lick of his lips was? But as much as Murphy could work Connor, this was no act, this was simply Murphy being Murphy. And it was fucking sexy. The more Connor watched Murphy the more he wanted him, the more he wanted to throw him on that bed & see exactly what turned him on, the more he wanted to feel Murphy’s body moving beneath his.

Murphy sat on his bed & he looked up at his brother, his blue eyes eager, his mouth a slight smile as he waited for Connor to join him. After a moment, Murphy’s hand patted the spot on the bed next to him, fully expecting Connor to take the invitation, fully intending to kiss those perfect lips once again.

His smile faded when Connor took a step backward, moving toward his own bed across from Murphy’s and slowly sitting down. Murphy looked down at his hands & he began to pick at his nails just so he wouldn’t have to see that look of rejection in his brother’s eyes.

He knew it, he fucking knew it. Connor had time to think & he changed his mind, Murphy fucking knew it would happen. Connor had kissed him without realizing what he was doing, he’d been tempted, or maybe he was just curious. And now he realized what a big sin it was, kissing his brother and all. Murphy supposed the reason didn’t really matter, the outcome was the same. Connor changed his mind.

“I think it’s better if I sit over here,” Connor’s voice sounded apologetic, as if he needed to soften the blow that was about to be dealt to his younger brother.

Murphy nodded slowly and pressed his lips together. He nodded as if he understood but in reality, he didn’t, not one fucking bit. All he knew was it hurt more than anything and it was about to get worse. He just knew Connor was about to break his heart, he was about to tell him what they did was a sin that could never be repeated…..Connor was about to dump him.

Connor smiled at his brother’s confusion, it was obvious to him that Murphy’s doubts & fears were quickly taking control. He didn’t realize until now just how insecure and shy his twin could be and in some strange way, it was endearing to see this side of Murphy. His brother had hidden so much of himself for so long but after their first kiss, he’d given Connor a glimpse of himself that Connor had never seen before. And he found it not only intriguing but also attractive and kind of sexy. He couldn’t help but wonder what else he didn’t know about Murph and he couldn’t wait to find out.

“I want to kiss you Murphy, so fucking bad.”

Murphy’s head shot up, a look of complete surprise on his face as he looked at his brother. He had to have heard wrong, Connor didn’t want to kiss him, he was dumping him. “Huh?”

“You heard me.”

Murphy heard him, he just didn’t believe him. “You want to kiss me? _Really?”_

“Yeah…..really.”

Murphy’s entire body seemed to relax, the creases on his forehead smoothed, his visible shaking diminished. Murphy’s eyes seemed to sparkle when they connected with Connor’s, he no longer had to hide his love, he could let Connor see it. Murphy smiled, he felt happy. _Connor wanted to kiss him._

“Then why are you over there? You should be over here,” Murphy reasoned, again patting the bed with his hand, “with _me.”_

Connor shook his head and smiled, his eyes darting to Murphy’s mouth before he even realized it. It took all of Connor’s strength not to go to his brother & make him moan like he had hours earlier. “You tempt me, brother mine. But no, I’m staying over here.”

Murphy couldn’t hide the look of disappointment on his face. Connor said he wanted to kiss him but then he’d refused Murphy’s invitation, he called him a temptation. Was that all he was, just something to tempt his brother?

“What’s wrong, Murph?”

Murphy shrugged and chewed his lip for a moment while his brother patiently waited, sometimes it took Murphy a few minutes before he’d tell Connor what was on his mind. “Are you just curious, Connor? Is that why you want to kiss me? Because you’re curious?”

Now it was Connor’s turn to be confused. Yes, he was curious about his brother. He was curious about what Murphy liked, what he wanted, what he dreamt of…..what he’d be like as a lover. Connor was curious about all the things he didn’t know about Murph but he didn’t think that’s what his brother was implying.

Murphy’s voice was quiet, the same voice he used when he was trying not to cry. “Jonathan told me all about it. He said some straight guys just want to kiss another guy to see what it’s like. It’s called bi-curious.”

Connor tried to be patient, Murphy just broke up with Jonathan only a couple hours earlier and he was probably still hurting in some way. Connor tried to keep his cool but it was difficult, he knew his words would sound snotty but he just couldn’t help it, his dislike for Jonathan colored his response.

“Oh, Jonathan told you about it. Well that explains why you’re all fucked up with your thinking.”

Murphy shifted on the bed & Connor thought for a moment he was about to leave but Murphy stayed put, his words sounding slightly defensive. “I’m not fucked up with my thinking, Connor. It’s a real thing. Just because Jonathan told me about it doesn’t make it any less real. And I deserve to know if you’re bi-curious, if you just kissed me to see what it was like.”

Connor closed his eyes for a moment, wishing Murphy had never met Jonathan, he’d never doubt this situation if Jonathan hadn’t put those thoughts in his mind. He opened his eyes to see Murphy watching him. “I’m not bi-curious, Murph. I didn’t use you just to see what it’s like to kiss a guy, okay?”

“Okay,” Murphy said softly, trying his best to believe his brother. “I just thought you liked girls, s’all. I mean, you have a girlfriend, Connor. Or did you forget?” Secretly, Murphy hoped that after Connor kissed him, he’d forget all about Katie.

“I don’t have a girlfriend. We broke up the same night you went out with Jonathan for the first time.”

Connor’s words shocked Murphy, he thought Connor was still dating Katie. He felt a wave of happiness that he couldn’t hide….. _Connor was available._ He tried not to smile  & he dipped his head to try to hide his smile from his brother. “What happened? Why’d you break up?”

Connor wanted to tell Murphy all about it, how Katie thought Murphy was in love with him, how she started him thinking, how he broke up with her because he couldn’t get Murphy off his mind. But Murphy had just told Connor he was gay, he hadn’t told him he was in love with him yet. And if Connor learned anything after Murphy’s freak out earlier that day, he learned not to push Murphy too hard. He needed to spare his twin any further emotional trauma. He needed to protect him.

“Well…..just like what happened with you and Jonathan. It’s private.”

Murphy slowly nodded, he couldn’t argue with Connor, not after he sent his brother away with those very same words. The ironic thing was, to Murphy, what happened with Jonathan had only been private because he still harbored a secret love for his twin. Otherwise, he’d tell Connor everything.

“Do you remember Brian?”

Murphy scrunched his face, why the fuck was Connor changing the subject? He nodded, remembering how much he hated Brian. For about three months when they were sixteen, Connor spent every spare minute with Brian, much to Murphy’s dismay. Then all of a sudden, Brian just wasn’t around anymore. Connor never did tell Murphy why they were no longer friends and he really didn’t care, he was just happy he was gone.

“Brian was my boyfriend, Murph,” Connor said with the slightest laugh, watching his brother’s face reflect his utter amazement. “I’m not bi-curious, I think I’m more straight curious. Katie and I never would have worked out, she’s not really my type.”

Murphy smirked, how Connor acted around Brian made sense now. And how jealous Murphy had been made sense, too, he must have known on some level that they were more than just friends. “Why…..why…..fuck, Connor. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why didn’t _you_ tell _me?”_ Connor shot back, not in a nasty way but in a way that made Murphy realize he’d done the exact same thing. He kept his sexual attraction to the same sex a secret, just like Connor had. “Shit, we were only 16 and I didn’t want to lay all that on you. That’s about the same time Ma had you going to see Father O’Shea every day _for months_ after she caught you jerking off to that dirty movie, remember?”

Redness colored Murphy’s face in the span of two seconds flat. He remembered that movie fondly, the guy in it reminded him of Connor. Murphy watched that movie about a million times and he jerked off about a million times too, each time thinking of his brother. And when his Ma had caught him, dick in hand, he had wanted to die.

“I never told you but it was a gay movie, Connor. When Ma caught me wanking, she saw what I was watching.”

“Are you sure?”

Murphy nodded sadly, his eyes pained as he remembered his mother’s reaction.....how she screamed at him & called him sick, how she cried & begged him to be “normal,” then finally how she scared him with the threat of God’s wrath & dragged him to the priest. “She knew.”

Connor could only imagine how terrible it must have been for his brother to be outed in such a way and then forced to talk to a priest every day thereafter. He could see the pain that still lingered in his brother’s eyes, even after all this time. “Fucking hell, Murph. I’m so sorry. I wish you had told me, I could have helped you.”

Murphy shrugged, trying to dismiss the situation, one thing he never wanted was pity. “It’s okay. I should have told you a long time ago.”

“Me too, Murph. Me too.”

The brothers stared at each other, seeing the other in a new light, their mouths in slight smiles until Connor again spoke up.

“Okay, Murph, enough of this fucking around. I have a few things to tell you.”

Leave it to Connor to cut through the bullshit. Murphy braced himself for whatever Connor had to say, his leg bouncing rapidly up and down with nervous energy, his eyes glued to Connor’s as he tried not to lose his shit.

“I want to get to know you, Murph.”

Murphy laughed, thinking his brother was crazy…..talk about someone losing their shit. “No one knows me better than you, Connor.”

“Bullshit. Jonathan knows you better than I do.”

Murphy felt like he’d been slapped across the face, it stung to hear Connor say Jonathan knew him better. He shook his head rapidly, muttering his denial. “No, Connor, he doesn’t. How could you even think that? He barely knows me at all. You know me so much better than he ever could.”

“Murph…..I just learned today how you kiss. Jonathan already knew that. He knows how you are on a date, how you flirt, how you like to be touched. He knows things about you only a boyfriend would know. Things I have no idea about.”

Murphy swallowed as he considered Connor’s words. They made sense, he kept his true nature and his love hidden from his brother his entire life, Connor didn’t know any of those things about him. Truth be told, he didn’t know any of those things about Connor either.

“I know _‘Murphy my brother’_ probably better that he knows himself. And he can be a royal pain in my ass most days. And he’d say the same about me.” Murphy smiled  & nodded when Connor paused, not knowing where he was going with this train of thought. “But I want to know _‘Murphy my boyfriend.’_ I want to kiss _‘Murphy the hot boy I’m dating.’_ But above all, I want to be with _‘Murphy my love.’_ Do you understand?”

Connor watched Murphy’s eyes slowly fill with tears as he realized the gravity of the words Connor spoke from his heart. Murphy never expected this, he didn’t see this coming, this morning everything had been so different. This morning Jonathan was his boyfriend, this morning Connor didn’t even know he was gay, this morning Murphy had no idea what true happiness felt like. And now his life was completely different…..Connor wanted to date him, he wanted to be with him, Connor called Murphy his love.

Murphy bit his lip and beamed at Connor, a tear running down his face. “I don’t think I’ve ever been happier in my whole life, not ever.”

Connor leaned forward & wiped the tear from Murphy’s face, “I hate when you cry, Murph.”

They spent the next hour talking and laughing, smiling & holding hands, Connor telling Murphy he was taking him out on their first date tomorrow night but refusing to say where. Connor had never seen Murphy so happy before & he couldn’t get enough of how his twin practically glowed, he hung on every word Murphy said, his eyes never leaving his animated face.

Connor reached up & began pushing at Murphy’s hair, moving it around his head, laughing at how unruly it was. Finally he gave up with a heavy sigh. “Your hair is possessed, Murph.”

“It does what the fuck it wants, remember?”

Connor remembered, “Just like you, Murph.”

“So what do we do now?” Murphy couldn’t help but ask, wondering what the next step should be in this unchartered territory called a relationship.

Connor stood & stretched, Murphy looking at the long lean lines of his body, hoping Connor might want to do something more than just talk. “I have to leave for a bit.”

Of all the things Connor might have said, all the things he might want to do, leaving never crossed Murphy’s mind. “Oh.”

Connor laughed, his twin’s insecurity still rearing its ugly head. “I’ll be back, Murph. I need to take care of a few things for our date.”

Murphy didn’t want Connor to go, he wanted him to stay and talk, to stay and hold him, to stay and kiss him. But Connor couldn’t be dissuaded, not even by Murphy’s pleading eyes & enticing mouth….he had things to do to make their date special. Murphy watched his twin lace his sneakers & put on a jacket, Connor smiling at him gently before his protective older brother persona again appeared.

“You’re dirty & you haven’t eaten all day, Murph. You need to take a shower & wash Jonathan’s stink off you. I don’t want you smelling like him anymore, I want you smelling like _you.”_

Murphy nodded, knowing Connor was serious even though he tried to make his voice sound light hearted. Murphy didn’t realize he smelled like Jonathan but of course he would, he’d slept in his bed. Murphy noticed the distinctive spicy scent now, it was all over him. He was surprised Connor didn’t say anything about it before now.

“I’m sorry, Conn….I didn’t—“

“It’s okay. Just wash it off. And when you’re done, I want you to eat something. All right?”

Murphy quickly agreed, his head nodding in affirmation. Connor walked up to him, not quite knowing how he should say goodbye, their usual wave or punch in the arm no longer seemed appropriate given what they were about to become to each other.

Murphy was looking up at him, his eyes hopeful & expectant, wanting Connor to take the lead on this. So he did. Connor bent his head & gently kissed Murphy’s lips. He didn’t touch Murphy with his hands, only his lips. But Murphy touched, he couldn’t keep his hands off his brother, his hands going to Connor’s face, his neck, his hair. His hands stroked every part of Connor that he touched. Their kiss was all too brief, but for both of them, an eternity would be all too brief.

And then Connor left the room, Murphy listening to his brother move around downstairs for a bit before he quietly walked out the front door. He went to the window & watched Connor walk toward town, toward whatever errands he had to do before their date. Connor glanced at the window, knowing Murphy would be there, and they waved at each other in unison.

He stayed at the window watching Connor until he could no longer see him and then he watched a bit more, imagining him still there. With a heavy sigh, he briefly leaned his forehead against the glass before making his way to the shower. He scrubbed every inch of his body and washed his hair three times, he’d never make Connor smell another man on him again and he didn’t leave the shower until the water turned cold.

After dressing & trying to get his hair to behave, he made his way to the kitchen, wishing Connor was here to eat with him. He hated being home without his brother but at least his mother had left hours earlier for work, so at least he’d have peace. When he turned on the overhead light, he stared at the table in shock.

A red rose from their garden was sitting in the middle of a white plate, an envelope resting next to the plate with the letter “M” written on it. Murphy picked up the rose & smelled it, wondering how Connor got the rose without him hearing the back door. He quickly opened the envelope, smiling at how carefully Connor had written the note, usually his penmanship looked like chicken scratch but this, this was written with diligence.

_Murph….._

_Food’s in the oven. I’ll be coming home to you, Murph. Wait for me._

_Conn_

Murphy placed the note on the table next to the rose & he took the pot from the oven, smelling the wonderful aroma of baked macaroni & cheese, one of his favorite meals. When he took the lid off the pot, tears filled his eyes and ran down his cheeks. He knew Connor was the most caring & thoughtful person he’d ever known, and now he knew he was also the most romantic. Connor had taken bread crumbs and made a perfectly shaped heart over the top of the cheese, just for Murphy. Murphy ate his meal thinking of Connor the entire time, reading his note over and over, smiling with the joy he never imagined he’d ever feel.

When Connor returned home hours later, when he came home to Murphy, he couldn’t help but stare with affection and a hint of amusement. Murphy had waited for him on the couch, holding the rose in one hand and the note in the other, but he’d been so exhausted that he’d fallen asleep sitting up.

Connor watched Murphy sleep for a few minutes, sitting next to him carefully so as not to wake him and he gently took the note & rose from Murphy’s hands. Murphy’s head was tilted at a funny angle & Connor couldn’t leave him like this, he needed to get him to bed where he’d be more comfortable.

“Murph,” Connor whispered softly before he gently kissed his lips, feeling Murphy move against his mouth just before he pulled back. “Wake up, sleepy head.”

“Conn…..” Murphy mumbled as he opened his eyes & looked sleepily at his brother. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

Murphy rubbed at his eyes as he struggled to wake up, his eyes heavy, his words slow. He looked like he could fall back asleep at any moment. “M’sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

Connor stood & held out his hand, motioning for his brother to reach for him. “It’s okay, you’re exhausted. Come on, let’s go.”

“Where?”

“I’m putting you to bed, Murph. I want you well rested for our date tomorrow night. I’ve got big plans for us.”


	35. Prelude

Yesterday was no ordinary day. On the contrary, yesterday was miraculous.

Yesterday Connor kissed Murphy for the very first time ever. It was an unexpected kiss that took Murphy’s breath away, it made his toes curl and it made Murphy fall deeper in love with his brother. It was a kiss that could have lasted forever & it still wouldn’t have been long enough.

Yesterday Connor said things he always wanted to hear, he said things Murphy used to only dream about. Yesterday Connor said he wanted to kiss him, he wanted to date him.   
Yesterday Connor called Murphy “my love.”

Yesterday Murphy thought Connor might actually be falling in love with him.

Murphy couldn’t keep the smile off his face, it appeared as soon as he woke up & it grew with each passing moment. As unbelievable as yesterday was, as miraculous as it seemed, today would be even better. Today they’re going on their first date, today they’d get to know each other in ways other than brotherly. Today is the beginning of Murphy & Connor as a couple, as boyfriends, and hopefully as lovers.

Time at home was odd, however. It felt the same, yet completely different. It felt comfortable, yet strangely awkward. It felt brotherly, yet sexually charged at the same time. They joked with each other, made fun of each other, cursed at each other just like normal. But they also looked longer and touched more, their eyes & hands unable to stay off that which they coveted.

Their ma was still sleeping when Murphy kissed Connor after breakfast. It was a quick kiss, a peck really, and Murphy didn’t give a fuck that their mother was in the house. But Connor did. It was dangerous, they could easily slip up and get caught if they weren’t careful. Connor didn’t say it, but he was scared what their ma would do to them, _to Murphy,_ if she found out.

Murphy couldn’t really argue with his brother. As usual, Connor made sense. They agreed with minimal talk that they wouldn’t carry on at home; they wouldn’t kiss, they wouldn’t touch. They’d control themselves and their urges. At home, they’d be just brothers.

But then Murphy quietly pointed something out. In public, they were just brothers as well. So at home _and_ in public they were just brothers. When could they be intimate? When could they be Murphy  & Connor, boyfriends? When could they be Murphy & Connor….. _lovers?_

After a moment of consideration, Connor smiled with raised eyebrows. He had a plan, a fucking brilliant plan, he had it all figured out. They could be intimate when their ma wasn’t home, when they were somewhere no one knew who they were or when they were alone in their room. And if that wasn’t enough, if they still needed more, they’d come up with a new plan & new ways to be together.

“Trust me Murph, it’ll be fine. We’ll make it work, we just have to be discreet.”

Discreet. That was the same word Jonathan used when describing their relationship. Jonathan promised to be discreet…..and he was. Except when he tracked Murphy down & kissed him in the road. Or when he talked to the shopkeeper about him. Or when he called Connor Murphy’s ‘boy toy’ before he even knew who he was. Discreet was a word Murphy didn’t like, not one bit. And now Connor was using the same word in the same way.

“Will you fucking relax? Don’t I always have the best plans?”

Connor misunderstood the look on his twin’s face and Murphy wasn’t about to correct him. He wasn’t about to tell his brother, his love, that his words reminded him of another man. Murphy rolled his eyes & shook his head. Despite Connor’s history of fucked up plans, this one actually sounded promising…..not that he’d admit that to his brother, though. “No, Connor, you don’t. I just can’t figure out which movie you got this idea from.”

“It’s one you haven’t seen, Murph.”

“I don’t know. It sounds like a gay porn movie. I probably saw it.”

Murphy surprised Connor with his response & he stared dumbfounded for a moment as Murphy wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and laughed. Connor loved that Murphy was more relaxed about being gay, he finally seemed comfortable in his own skin. It was refreshing to see Murphy this way, to see his natural smile blossom.

By the time their mother was up, Murphy was already out the door. He couldn’t deal with his mother and her bullshit, not today. Today was a day to be happy, it was a day to focus on only him & Connor. Today Murphy didn’t want any drama to spoil his good mood.

He wanted Connor to come with him but Connor hadn’t done his chores & he didn’t want to get grounded. Not tonight. So Murphy was on his own for the next couple hours, or at least until he was sure his ma had left for work and it’d be safe to go home.

Two hours later & Murphy was across town in a small store he’d never been in before, a store where no one would know who he was. He wandered through the store and he tried to act nonchalant, he tried to look innocent, he tried to look like he wasn’t here to buy what he was here to buy. Finally, he told himself to quit being a pussy, he needed to be prepared for tonight, just in case. He had to be ready for Connor.

He knew where the condoms were, he walked by the display at least five times before he had the nerve to stop & actually look. He’d never bought condoms, he never needed them before and the display was overwhelming. When he was dating Jonathan, he didn’t have to worry about buying them because Jonathan already had some. And even though they never had sex, Murphy had seen the assortment Jonathan had in his drawer.

But Murphy could do this, he just had to narrow it down & figure out what they’d need. He’d start with size. He had a distinct advantage, he already knew how big Connor was _down there,_ he’d seen his prick a million times. Even flaccid, Connor was impressively endowed, he was thick  & quite long. Small & even standard size would be too tight…..no, Connor was definitely a large, definitely. And just in case, Murphy would buy extra-large as well.

Next he had to decide on ‘options.’ The first condoms he looked at were labeled “rough rider” and they had rows of raised studs on the shaft. He quickly put those back…..too much, too soon. Ribbed were a possibility, glow in the dark were too comical, flavored would be interesting. All of these might be fun once they were further along in their relationship but for now, Murphy just wanted a basic condom. He finally picked up the large and extra-large ultra-thins, making a mental note of what else they might want later on.

Satisfied with his condom choice, Murphy moved on to find lube. He assumed there would be no choice involved and when he found the display, he almost fell over. Water based, silicone based, desensitizing, warming, all with the widest variety of flavors. Fuck…..he had no idea what to get.

When the pharmacist noticed him struggling, the man quietly approached Murphy & gently explained the differences and which would work best with his condom choice. Murphy could feel the burn of his blush but he listened carefully and asked a couple questions before deciding on the type of lube he wanted. When the man left, all that was left to decide was if he wanted a flavor.

Murphy smiled, flavors were good and they were fun. Flavors were sexy…..Murphy definitely wanted flavors. He’d choose a couple, some he’d like & some he knew Connor would like. But there were so many choices, dozens of fruit flavors, exotic flavors like pina colada and just plain sexy flavors like peaches & cream. He chose the first two flavors quite easily and he quickly moved on to look for a second choice for each of them.

“I prefer chocolate, myself.” Murphy knew that voice, he knew that teasing tone & he recognized the flirty manner. He turned to see Jonathan standing next to the display, a small smile on his face as he stood watching him. “Hello, Murphy.”

Of all the people Murphy didn’t want to see, Jonathan was on the top of that list. “Hi,” Murphy said very quietly. Murphy couldn’t ignore him, he had to talk to Jonathan seeing as he’d been his boyfriend up until yesterday morning. Just a short twenty four hours ago, Murphy had even slept in his bed. So much for a drama free day. “What are you doing here?”

“Just picking up a few things and I thought I heard your voice. Guess I was right, here you are.”

Murphy nodded, wishing Jonathan would just go away. But he didn’t, he stood in place & waited for some kind of reaction from Murphy. He couldn’t believe Jonathan was actually in this store. It wasn’t anywhere near his apartment and there were plenty of other stores much closer to his place. Murphy chose this particular store because he didn’t want to see anyone he knew, especially this particular man. “I’m surprised you’re here. This store isn’t exactly in your neighborhood.”

“It’s not in your neighborhood either,” Jonathan pointed out as his eyes dropped to Murphy’s hands, his head tilted as he inspected what the boy was holding. “But I suppose buying condoms & lube at the store where everyone knows you would be out of the question.”

Murphy shrugged, it was obvious why he couldn’t go to his regular store. His hands were full of his reasons. “It would be difficult to explain.”

_“Very_ difficult. But it would be fun watching you squirm. You do it so well.”

Murphy looked around as he tried to figure a way out of this conversation, he wanted to leave and get the fuck away from Jonathan. The man was making him nervous, and not in a good way. His tone was flirtatious with an edge of something more, something borderline hostile.

Jonathan moved to stand next to Murphy & he began rummaging through the display, pulling out the different lubricants that interested him. “They make a chocolate flavored lube, in case you’re interested. I know how you enjoyed licking chocolate off my stomach. Oh…..here’s a good one.”

Jonathan pulled out a tube & handed it to Murphy, _‘Cherry Delight.’_ Murphy was puzzled, why would Jonathan think he liked cherry? He looked quizzically at the man as he wondered why Jonathan was still standing with him, why he was still looking through the sexual lubricants, why he kept looking Murphy up  & down with that intense gaze.

Jonathan leaned close, “I wanted us to try that one, cherry delight. I thought it was appropriate for you, seeing as you’re a virgin. Popping your cherry would have been my delight. Get it?”

Murphy shoved the tube back in the display rack as Jonathan chuckled at his insulting joke, finding humor in the boy’s discomfort and lack of experience. Murphy was getting the fuck out of here before he punched Jonathan in his fucking face.

As he turned to storm away, Jonathan grabbed at his arm & stopped him. “Murphy, wait. I’m sorry. Please wait.”

Murphy didn’t know why, but he waited. Perhaps it was the desperate sound of Jonathan’s voice, perhaps it was the desperate feel of his fingers on his arm. Or perhaps it was because Murphy felt guilty for how things ended between them and how he’d unintentionally led Jonathan on. Whatever the reason, Murphy waited.

Murphy turned to look at the man holding him by his arm and Jonathan readjusted his fingers on Murphy’s bicep, not releasing the boy. Jonathan decided to push things, to see how far he could get, how far Murphy would let him go. Jonathan decided to test Murphy and his resolve. After a pause, Jonathan pulled at Murphy’s arm, trying to entice him to come closer. His thumb stroked Murphy’s skin almost casually, reflecting an intimacy they had shared just recently. An intimacy that was now inappropriate.

Murphy pulled his arm free and took a step back, trying to get some space between them. He needed to be clear with Jonathan, he needed to stand up for himself and for his relationship with Connor. “Don’t. We broke up, Jonathan. That means you can’t touch me like that anymore.”

Jonathan was surprised Murphy pulled away. He expected Murphy to relent, like he had in the past. There was a piece of him that expected Murphy to not only cave, but to beg Jonathan to take him back and to maybe ask to go home with him. Jonathan’s hand dropped to his side as the stark realization consumed him, he now understood so much more. His voice was hushed so no one else could hear, he was still discreet…..for Murphy.

“Connor wants you, doesn’t he? Jesus. Connor fucking wants you.”

Murphy grabbed two tubes of lubricant, not looking to even see what flavor they were and he walked across the store directly to the cashier. Fuck. Jonathan knew everything now, he knew it all. He knew Connor wanted him, he knew who Murphy was buying all this stuff for. Jonathan fucking knew.

As Murphy stood in line, he calmed himself by taking slow deep breaths. This wasn’t the time or place to lose his shit. He glanced back at the display where he’d left Jonathan & was surprised to see the man was no longer standing there. He quickly looked around the store, hoping to see Jonathan and _not_ hoping to see Jonathan…..he didn’t know which one would be worse.

“Sir? Are you ready?”

The line had cleared in front of him & he hadn’t even noticed, the older woman smiling at him from the cash register. Her smile faded when Murphy placed his items on the counter, her eyes looking at him in judgment, or so Murphy thought. He quickly paid and started to walk the five blocks to the bus stop, getting as far away from that store as possible.

 

********

 

“Connor? Are you home?”

“Yeah…..in here, Murph. I’ll be right out.”

Murphy was lucky, Connor was in the bathroom so he wouldn’t see the white bag Murphy had in his hand, he wouldn’t interrogate him about what he bought. It was so fucking silly. Connor knew Murphy wanted him, he knew Murphy hoped they’d be lovers. It made sense that they’d need stuff. But when the moment came & they were ready to fuck, Murphy wanted to surprise Connor. He wanted Connor to see what he did, what he did for _them._ Connor would never expect this, not in a million years. Murphy tucked the bag under his bed for safekeeping, he’d keep it hidden until the time was right.

When Connor walked into the room he instantly began talking. Sometimes Connor just wouldn’t shut the fuck up. Murphy loved that about him but at the same time, it drove him nuts. He watched Connor’s mouth move as his lips formed whatever words he was saying. Murphy didn’t even hear him, he was too focused on that mouth.

“Are you fucking listening to me Murph, or am I talking just to hear myself talk?”

Murphy smiled, he was busted. Connor was standing in front of his dresser just staring at him, waiting to see if he needed to repeat himself or if he could continue with his dissertation. Murphy had no fucking idea what his twin said, not one fucking clue.

“Well?”

Murphy walked to Connor & pushed against his brother, pressing his back forcefully into his dresser as his arms grabbed at Connor’s body. There was a rattle from whatever shit Connor had on his dresser as the items jostled & Connor raised his eyebrow at Murphy’s actions. Where the fuck had Connor’s shy brother gone? Murphy pressed his body harder against his twin, knowing Connor could easily push him away, he certainly wasn’t pinned to the furniture. But Connor didn’t do that, Connor stayed in place with his face inches from his brother.

“I was thinking Connor. You said we could kiss when we’re alone in our room. Well…..we’re alone in our room.”

“You want to kiss, do ya?”

Murphy nodded.

“So what’s stopping you? If you want it, take it.”

Murphy leaned forward but Connor turned away, Murphy’s lips connecting briefly with his cheek. Connor laughed & turned back to his twin. “You really need to work on your aim. You totally missed my mouth.”

“Fucking asshole,” Murphy mumbled as one hand grabbed Connor’s hair & the other grabbed the back of his neck. Connor didn’t try to turn away, he wanted a kiss just as much as Murphy did. He let his baby brother hold him in place & he opened his mouth as soon as Murphy’s lips met his all the while Connor’s back pressed painfully against the knobs of his dresser drawers. Shit, that fucking hurt but it was worth it to have Murphy all over him like this.

Yesterday, Murphy had kissed somewhat gently, his mouth had been eager but also a bit tentative. Today there was no hesitation, today Murphy was bold.

Yesterday, Murphy had been submissive, he took very little control and he let himself be led by his older twin. Today Murphy initiated the kiss, today Murphy was the demanding one.

Yesterday, Murphy had excited Connor as much as Connor had excited him. Today was no different.

Murphy briefly relaxed his hold on his brother & Connor thought he was breaking the kiss, he was prepared to be let go. But then Murphy moaned loudly & pressed against him harder, lips to lips, chest to chest, bulge to bulge. Murphy was pushing so hard into him that Connor’s back forced one end of the heavy dresser to lift in the air, all the items on top of the dresser sliding off the edge & crashing to the floor.

Both twins began to laugh against each other’s mouth as they slowly pulled away from the other, turning to see what damage they caused. Murphy released Connor & the end of the dresser thudded to the floor. Murphy looked contrite but Connor looked amused.

“M’sorry, Conn. I hope I didn’t break anything.”

Connor cuffed him lightly on the back of the head, his laughter sincere, his excitement unabated. Seeing all these new sides of his brother was not only thrilling, it was a turn on as well. “Our date hasn’t even started yet and you’re already breaking shit.”

Together they picked up Connor’s things from the floor, Murphy relieved nothing was broken, Connor not really caring if it was. When they were finished, Connor grabbed his duffel bag he left by the door, the duffel bag Murphy hadn’t even noticed, and he threw it over his shoulder.

Connor was leaving.

“Settle the fuck down, dickhead” Connor warned him when he saw the look of alarm on Murphy’s face. “I’m borrowing a car for tonight & I have to go pick it up. I’ll be back to pick you up at five, okay?”

Murphy glanced at the clock, it wasn’t yet three, Connor would be gone for hours. Murphy didn’t understand why Connor needed a couple hours & his duffel bag just to go pick up a car. It didn’t make any sense.

Connor could see the confusion on Murphy’s face, he was trying so hard to figure out what the fuck was going on. Connor decided to put his brother out of his misery, he’d end his needless anxiety.

“Look Murph…..I want to do this right. This is a date & I want it to feel like a date, I don’t want it to feel like any other time we hung out. This time it’s different. I’m going to get ready somewhere else and when I pick you up, I’m taking out Murphy my boyfriend, not Murphy my brother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Okay, so I fully expected this chapter to be their date but the twins had other ideas. They tend to do that to me from time to time & insist on something else other than what I have planned. I've learned not to fight them. My apologies to those who hoped this chapter would be the date. Blame Murphy & Connor. But seriously, the next one should be the actual date. Thank you for reading & please leave me your thoughts.


	36. A Night To Remember Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. Well I knew this chapter would be a long one seeing as it's Connor & Murphy's first date. I decided not to shorten it just for the sake of making it shorter, that seems ridiculous to me, and I didn't want to overstuff the chapter either. At the point this chapter concludes, they aren't even close to the end of the date.....Connor has big plans & he refuses to relent. So.....this is the first part of the date. My apologies for the multi-part date but it felt necessary.
> 
> Also, thank you so much for your comments, kudos and just for reading. I continue to be honored and completely touched. Much love to you all.

He was excited. He was nervous. He was practically shitting himself.

Murphy couldn’t wait to see his date, his boyfriend….. _his love._ Connor would be here any minute and Murphy was ready for him. He was freshly showered, his body squeaky clean from head to toe and his hair was actually behaving somewhat. He was neatly dressed in black pants, a dark blue tie and the baby blue shirt Connor loved so much…..the shirt he said made Murphy’s eyes look like the ocean. He smelled good, he looked good and he felt even better.

But he was also scared. Tonight was important and he knew what it meant, Murphy knew how critical this first date was. Tonight they’d find out if they could truly be more than just brothers, if they meshed as a couple, if they had potential as lovers. This was _it_ …..this date would either make them or break them.

Murphy was pacing with the nervous energy of someone who was on the brink of a new chapter in his life, a chapter that started with the first press of Connor’s soft lips against his. That kiss changed everything; it changed what they were to each other and what they could become. That kiss simplified and complicated everything at the same time. That kiss was pure magic…..and Murphy believed in magic.

Murphy wanted to kiss Connor awake every morning and fall asleep in his arms every night. He wanted to feel the heat of their bodies rise as they excited and teased each other. He wanted to learn what got Connor off.

And Murphy wanted Connor to fuck him into oblivion.

Shit, he should have wanked. He was getting hot and bothered just thinking about Connor and he wasn’t even here yet. There wasn’t enough time to jerk off now, he should have done it when Connor left but he hadn’t. Not that it would have made any difference, really. Murphy could have an explosive orgasm and minutes later all he’d have to do is think of Connor and his prick would stiffen once again.

He was lost in thoughts of his twin when the knock on the front door startled him, his pacing stopping abruptly. It couldn’t be Connor knocking, even if he forgot his key he’d still try the door…..and the door wasn’t locked.

Holy fuck…..what if it was Jonathan? No, he wouldn’t be bold enough to actually knock on his door. But Jonathan was bold enough to suggest lubricant flavors in the middle of the store; he’d even been bold enough to kiss Murphy on the road where anyone could see. Jonathan had balls, he didn’t give a shit. Jonathan was a bold man and he knew where Murphy lived.

Murphy slowly walked to the window, peeking out from behind the curtain as he whispered a silent prayer that it was someone, _anyone,_ other than his ex-boyfriend.

What the fuck? He couldn’t believe his eyes, a smile instantly forming on his lips as confusion clouded his mind. Connor…..it was Connor knocking. But why? Murphy’s twin raised his hand and knocked again before he smoothed his tie and readjusted his collar. Connor looked nervous, he was actually shifting from foot to foot as he waited for Murphy to answer the door.

Murphy thought about what Connor told him before he left and his confusion cleared like fog in the morning sun, it evaporated from his mind as the light of awareness took hold. He now understood Connor’s motivations and why he was knocking. Connor wanted their time tonight to be completely different, to not be their “usual.” Connor wanted to act like boyfriends, not brothers. And a boyfriend picking up his date would knock on the door, he wouldn’t just walk in the house like he lived there.

Tonight they were no longer Murphy and Connor, brothers. Tonight they were Murphy and Connor, boyfriends. And it started with Connor knocking softly on the door.

Connor was wearing the shirt Murphy gave him last Christmas, the one Connor said was only for ‘extra special occasions,’ and his tie was the one Murphy always asked him to wear whenever they had to dress up. His hair was perfectly styled but a bit softer looking and Murphy couldn’t wait to get his hands in it to mess it up. It was obvious Connor had taken great pains to look a certain way…..for Murphy.

Connor had just knocked a second time and he was wondering what was taking Murphy so long to answer the door. Murphy should be ready to go, Connor told him to be ready at five. But Murphy always poked around, running a bit behind, he always made Connor wait. Connor smiled and shook his head, Murphy would be late for his own funeral.

Then he felt it. It was something he just knew. Murphy was watching. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the slightest movement from behind the curtain and he knew Murphy was looking from between the folds of the fabric. He resisted the almost unquenchable urge to look back at his brother, to see his eyes, his face, his shy smile. Murphy liked to look…..so Connor would let him look. But only for a minute.

Connor knew he was watching, Murphy could tell by the shift in his stance and the way he tilted his body in Murphy’s direction. Connor was giving his twin a better view. That slight change was something no one else would notice about his brother, the imperceptible change in his manner that only Murphy was aware of. Then Connor looked directly at him with a smirk and they held eyes for a moment, both twins unblinking, before Murphy realized Connor was still waiting for him to open the door.

When the door opened with a soft creak of the hinges, Murphy was greeted with a matching smile from his older brother and he blushed as Connor’s eyes swept over his body, his head nodding his approval at Murphy’s appearance. Connor checking him out was a new experience, it was something Murphy never thought would happen. Even though he liked Connor looking at him _that way,_ he wasn’t sure if he’d ever get used to it.

“You look incredible Murph,” Connor’s eyes scanned quickly, not pausing in one place too long but returning a couple times to his most favorite areas. When his eyes returned to Murphy’s face, after a brief stop at the bulge in his pants, they were dark with desire. “I love that shirt on you. Fuck, your eyes look just like the ocean.”

“You look really amazing too, Conn.”

Shit, Murphy was using that soft and sexy voice that made Connor sweat. He felt beads of perspiration form on his body as his clothes clung to his skin just a bit more. Connor pulled at his shirt to try to get some air between the cotton and his damp chest, motioning with his hand, “Do you like my shirt? My brother gave it to me.”

Murphy smiled and nodded, he loved when Connor practically invited him to look at his body and he always took him up on his offer. His gaze took in his brother’s torso, noticing the snug fit of the shirt across Connor’s chest and how that tightness accentuated his muscles. “Your brother has good taste.”

“Well…..I haven’t tasted him yet so I’ll have to let you know.”

Murphy tore his eyes away from his brother’s body to stare at his twin’s face, shocked by Connor’s blatantly sexual comment about tasting him _there._ Murphy couldn’t help the nervous laugh that escaped his throat and he bit his lip to stop a second laugh, a laugh that most certainly would have sounded dirty.

Connor stepped into the house and leaned forward, kissing Murphy softly on his crimson cheek before he could react further.

“Is that all I get? A kiss on the cheek?” Murphy looked at him expectantly with those big fucking eyes of his, hoping for just a bit more. He expected a kiss on the lips at the very least.

“And what exactly do you want?”

“You.” Murphy answered without hesitation and with complete honesty, all he ever wanted was standing right in front of him. “Don’t hold back, Conn. Not with me.”

Murphy was correct, Connor was holding back. But with good reason. This wasn’t just lust or a one night stand, this wasn’t just a suck and fuck, this wasn’t some random person Connor didn’t give a shit about. This was Murphy. And Connor didn’t want to fuck this up.

Connor took his brother by the hand as he explained this as carefully as he could, his thumb stroking his warm skin with reassurance as he watched his twin’s face. He didn’t want Murphy to feel rejected because he wasn’t being rejected. He didn’t want Murphy to feel unwanted, because Murphy was wanted….. _holy fuck,_ was Murphy wanted. And he didn’t want Murphy to not feel special.

This was their first date. This was a night to remember. This was just the beginning.

 

********

Connor wouldn’t tell him where they were going and Murphy really didn’t care where they ended up, as long as he was with Connor. He couldn’t stop looking at his brother as they drove further from their home, further from people who knew them, further from being brothers. The further they went, the happier Murphy felt.

Connor kept looking as well, smiling each time his eyes locked with Murphy’s piercing stare. Connor was relieved to see Murphy smiling back with a genuineness that was missing for far too long. Murphy shed too many tears for too many years, it was time for Murphy to smile. And Connor would make sure that tonight, Murphy would have plenty to smile about.

With a suppressed grin, Connor caught the roll of Murphy’s eyes as he pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant on the outskirts of town. Connor loved this restaurant, it was the place he called his “usual.” But as much as Connor loved his usual, it wasn’t a place he’d take Murphy on their first date, it wasn’t special enough.

Murphy couldn’t believe Connor brought him here, of all places. Everyone knew them here, it wouldn’t feel like a date at all, it would feel like the other million times they’d been here. He hid his disappointment as best he could, they’d be together and that was all that mattered. When Connor parked the car and turned to him, Murphy smiled and unbuckled his seatbelt.

Connor’s hand covered his and he pulled the seatbelt back across Murphy’s body, quickly buckling his brother back in. “No, Murph. You wait here.”

Connor disappeared while Murphy stared at the restaurant, wondering what the fuck was going on. Murphy waved at people he knew as they passed by the car and he hoped Connor would hurry; Murphy didn’t want to talk with anyone who’d ask why he was wearing a tie. Connor was carrying a bag when he exited the building and he put it in the trunk before returning to his brother. Without an explanation, he buckled his seatbelt and they resumed their drive out of town.

Thirty minutes later, Connor parked the car at a small strip mall on a quiet street. Murphy looked around, there wasn’t much of anything here and he turned to look quizzically at his brother, waiting for an explanation.

“Do you remember last summer when you said you wished we could go to an old fashioned arcade again? Like the one we went to when we were 13?”

Murphy couldn’t believe Connor remembered that conversation. It was so long ago and it was just something Murphy mentioned in passing, he didn’t think Connor was even paying attention.

“You said being in the arcade made you happy and you wanted to feel that happy again.”

With a touch of melancholy, Murphy nodded. He’d been happy in that arcade because it was just the two of them, he had Connor all to himself and they spent hours laughing and playing together. He remembered crying on Connor’s shoulder when they tore the arcade down to build the grocery store they now shopped at. It still felt like the death of a good friend.

Connor pointed at the corner in the mall and quietly said one word, “Look.” Murphy looked where his brother indicated and he broke into a wide grin, turning back to Connor in complete amazement.

The next hour was spent enjoying the arcade, Murphy’s smile unending and his laugh infectious as he followed Connor from machine to machine. Connor wanted him to play and he held out a token for his brother, motioning with his head toward the machine.

“I don’t like this one. I’d rather watch you play, Conn.”

Murphy hadn’t played one game, he refused every token Connor held out. Connor smiled as he inserted the token into the machine, knowing Murphy wasn’t watching the score, he was watching him. It was just like when they were 13 and Murphy had Connor all to himself. Connor had to concentrate on the game which allowed Murphy to concentrate on him. But this time Connor knew why Murphy was watching. This time everything was different.

Connor finally got him to play air hockey, which was Murphy’s favorite game from their old arcade, and Murphy laughed like a little kid when he beat Connor three times in a row. At the start of the next game, Connor threatened to make Murphy walk home if he won again, telling him it was a mighty long way to go on foot.

“I’m cute, Connor. I’ll get a ride,” Murphy announced with a slight tilt of his head and a mocking smile as he waited for Connor to respond. Would he respond in a brotherly way and say Murphy was too butt ugly to get a ride? Or would he respond like a boyfriend on a date? Or worst of all, would he be a complete pussy and say nothing at all? Murphy held his breath to see which direction Connor would go.

“Well…..I’ll admit you are pretty cute, Murph. Now quit distracting me with your flirting so I can win.”

Connor barely won that game and he suspected Murphy threw it even though he denied it profusely. With a teasing lilt to his voice, Murphy told him an air hockey champion would never purposefully lose to someone of Connor’s marginal talents so he should enjoy his lone victory.

“Marginal talents? Really?” Connor questioned as they moved in unison to stand on opposite sides of a pinball machine, looking at each other from across the game. Connor placed his remaining tokens on the machine and asked, “You think so?”

Murphy seemed to consider those words and his fingers reached for a token, pushing it around the glass as Connor watched. Murphy’s slender fingers manipulated the token and twirled it delicately, balancing it on its thin edge before pushing it back to join the others. His eyes returned to Connor and Murphy rested his forearms on the glass as he leaned forward and whispered, “I hope not. At least in things other than air hockey.”

Connor looked around, no one was paying much attention to them and he was tempted to kiss his twin. He missed Murphy’s soft breath in his mouth and the way he made Connor feel warm all over. Connor mirrored Murphy’s position on the machine and whispered back, “I want to kiss you, Murph. But I think we’d attract a bit of attention.”

Murphy didn’t glance at anyone else, his eyes remained locked onto Connor with pinpoint precision. To Murphy, no one else even existed in the entire world, let alone the arcade. “If you could kiss me right now without anyone seeing, would you?”

“In a fucking heartbeat.”

“Good answer.” Murphy licked his lips and snatched the tokens from the glass, motioning for Connor to follow him. Connor didn’t hesitate and he followed his grinning brother across the arcade, Murphy pausing only long enough to make sure Connor was close behind.

When they reached their destination, Murphy glanced at his brother with a sly smile of satisfaction. Murphy spotted the old photo booth when they first arrived, hoping to take Connor behind the curtain for a picture before they left and now was the perfect opportunity. His hand pulled back the curtain and he glanced inside, pleased to see how small it actually was…..they’d have to squeeze together behind the curtain. It was perfect. “You game, Conn?”

With a nod of his head, Connor moved past Murphy and stepped into the photo booth, sitting on the tiny padded seat. “S’not much room in here, Murph,” he quietly said as he tried to move to the side for his brother. Murphy crawled in after him and slid the curtain shut, darkening the booth somewhat. “Good. It’s just the way I like it.”

They laughed as they maneuvered their bodies in the confined space, trying to find a way to both fit on the narrow bench as the photo booth jostled with their movements. They were used to close proximity and were accustomed to being tangled together, it was more common than not…..but as brothers, not as dates. They moved differently now and their touches were careful, the rubbing of their bodies together unintentional but welcome. Their awkwardness was foreign yet completely thrilling at the same time.

As they shifted again without success, Connor had had enough. His hands grabbed Murphy by his waist and pulled him onto his lap, Connor’s chest pressing into Murphy’s back.   
Murphy wiggled nervously and adjusted to this new position as Connor wrapped his arms around Murphy’s waist and held him tight, his chin resting on his brother’s shoulder.

“This is better, don’t cha think?” Connor whispered in his ear, his hot breath giving Murphy the sort of shivers that shook his body. Connor felt his brother shudder and he kissed Murphy’s ear. “Guess so.”

“I want pictures,” Murphy mumbled and Connor relaxed his grip, allowing Murphy to lean forward to read the directions on the metal plate in front of them. He glanced at the tokens he still held in his hand, they had just enough for two strips of three pictures.

“Okay?” Murphy quietly asked as he looked over his shoulder at his brother, hoping Connor wanted to remember this as much as he did. Murphy was trying to work Connor with his soft pleading voice but it was completely unnecessary, Connor wanted pictures too. Connor tightened his fingers on Murphy’s narrow waist and nodded as Murphy’s eyes practically glowed with excitement.

Murphy held the first three pictures in his hand and they studied them together, laughing quietly at how goofy they looked making those silly faces. Murphy shifted on Connor’s lap and he turned to face his brother a bit more, a serious look in his eye as he stared at his twin. Connor knew what Murphy wanted, he didn’t have to ask.

Connor took the tokens from his brother’s palm and quickly inserted them into the machine, leaning back as Murphy dipped his head and pressed his lips to Connor’s mouth. They barely heard the beeping of the timer or the shutter of the lens as they kissed in the semi-privacy of the tiny photo booth, Murphy’s soft whimpers only slightly louder than the nearby bells and sound effects of the arcade games.

 

********

 

“I wish we could have stayed longer. I was having a grand time in that photo booth,” Murphy stated the obvious as he stared at the pictures in his hand, the pictures of him kissing Connor. He couldn’t stop looking at the photos, examining every tiny detail…..the way Connor’s fingers gripped his hair, the way their mouths melded together, the expression on Connor’s face.

“Me too but the place was closing.” Leave it to Connor to be the voice of reason as he drove them away from the arcade. “Besides, we have other places to be. And before you ask, I’m not telling you where we’re going. You’ll just have to wait.”

“I wasn’t going to ask.”

Murphy answered quietly…..too quietly. Connor glanced at his twin, tilting his head to see his brother’s face that was hidden by his hair as he continued to study the pictures. Connor quietly snorted, Murphy was lying but Connor wasn’t about to call him on it. Not tonight.

“Besides,” Murphy continued, “s’not like you’d tell me anyway.”

“Exactly. My lips are sealed.”

“I bet I could unseal them,” Murphy said in a challenge he hoped Connor would take him up on. It was a challenge Murphy wanted to spend hours on.

Connor raised his eyebrows and nodded in response, remembering their steamy kiss and how Murphy seemed to melt in his arms and become almost boneless. Connor chuckled, boneless except for the obvious one Murphy had in his trousers, that is. “Well, if anyone could pry secrets from my lips, it’d be you Murph.”

Murphy cocked his head and looked at his brother as the wind from the open window moved his hair gently in the breeze. Connor felt Murphy’s eyes on his face as his brother studied his profile and Connor felt nervous under the steady gaze of those blue eyes. Murphy held the small strip of pictures up for Connor to see and Connor glanced at it with a quick smile before his eyes returned to the road.

“We look good kissing,” Murphy said softly as he turned the picture in his palm, his eyes dancing over the images once again. “Don’t ya think?”

Connor couldn’t agree more, they did look good kissing…..real fucking good. And Connor would bet his left nut they’d look good doing other things as well.

“We’re here, Murph,” Connor announced a half hour later as he pulled to the side of the road as Murphy looked around, trying to figure out where they were and what they were doing here. It was a deserted area Murphy was unfamiliar with but he could hear waves in the distance so he knew beyond the trees and vegetation there was a beach.

Murphy was eager to see the water, he loved the beach, and he undid his seatbelt and turned toward Connor for the okay to get out of the car. But Connor didn’t give the okay. Instead, Connor pulled at the Windsor knot at his throat and slowly undid his tie, pulling it free from his collar as he undid a couple buttons on his shirt. Murphy grinned and reached for the knot at his own throat, eager to get his own fucking tie off but Connor pulled his hand away.

“Let me.”

Murphy dropped his hand to his thigh, his fingers drumming nervously against his pants as Connor gently pulled at the silky cloth around his neck, undoing the knot and pulling the tie free from his brother’s shirt. Murphy swallowed loudly with nervousness as Connor undid the top buttons of Murphy’s shirt. Connor pushed his collar open and his fingers paused when he saw the dark spots that still lingered on Murphy’s neck. Connor had forgotten what Jonathan left behind and now all Connor could do is stare.

Murphy knew what Connor saw, he knew why Connor froze. Murphy knew the hickeys were still there, even though he’d forgotten about them while he was with Connor. Murphy had examined the marks before he showered and he wished he could scrub them from his skin. But instead, they taunted him…..taunted _them._ Murphy dropped his head, wishing he could spare Connor from the remnants of what another man’s mouth had left behind.

Connor quickly recovered and ignored the marks, not giving more of his energy to the fucker who had marred his beautiful brother, not letting the prick ruin his first date with Murphy. Hickeys were only temporary and they would soon fade…..Jonathan was as temporary as those hickeys. Murphy and Connor were forever.

He adjusted Murphy’s shirt before taking his brother by the chin and lifting his head. Murphy chewed on his lip and looked contrite, but Connor would have none of that.

“It’s okay,” Connor said in a soft voice that conveyed the end of the situation and Murphy nodded with understanding. If Connor could ignore the offensive love bites, then so could Murphy.

“Now…..my dear Murphy,” Connor continued as if nothing happened, leaning forward and gently kissing Murphy’s nose. Murphy quietly laughed, he liked this game Connor was playing. It was sexy and fun. Connor made everything sexy and fun.

“I have to set a few things up before I take _you_ to the spot I picked out,” Connor gently kissed his cheek, leaving a small wet spot on his skin, turning Murphy’s head to the side and kissing his other cheek as well. “So I need you to stay here, behave and not look at what I’m doing.”

Murphy opened his mouth to respond, intending to promise not to look, but Connor shushed him before he could speak.

“I don’t want you tempted to look so I’m going to take that temptation away.” Connor gently pecked Murphy’s lips and released his chin, reaching for the tie that rested on his leg. “Give me your hands.”


	37. A Night to Remember Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long delay between chapters. I broke a couple fingers & sprained my wrist and it took forever to type basically one handed. This chapter is very long, it's actually 2 chapters in 1 and I figured what the hell, it's been a long wait so why break it up and post 2 separate entries when I could just post one long one. Plus, there really was no good place to end one chapter & begin the next, it would have been forced and I just can't do that. So to anyone who would be annoyed by such a long chapter, my apologies. But regardless, I did my very best & I hope it is enjoyable.
> 
> Also, I wish each of you a very happy holiday season and God bless each and every one of you. Much love.

Murphy thought Connor was bluffing but the silky strip of cloth securing his wrists to the steering wheel said otherwise. He called Connor’s bluff no less than five minutes earlier and he still couldn’t believe Connor had actually tied him up. And with his very own tie, no less.

Murphy pulled slightly at the binding, not quite cutting off his circulation but feeling the tie tighten a bit on his wrists. Where did Connor learn to tie knots like this anyway? He must have been practicing, the kinky fucker.

He could still picture Connor’s lopsided grin as he looped the tie carefully around his wrists, making sure it was just tight enough to keep Murphy confined but not so tight as to injure. Connor hesitated for only a moment and rested his fingers on the knot when he scanned his brother’s face for any sign of anxiety or any form of reluctance. If Murphy showed the slightest hint of either, Connor was prepared to untie his brother without hesitation.

But Murphy was not distressed nor was he reluctant. He’d let Connor do anything he wanted, anything at all…..with Connor, there were no limitations. Murphy’s expression and the gleam in his eye told his twin everything he needed to know. Murphy may have been surprised by what his brother was doing but he was also excited, he trusted Connor and he was thoroughly enjoying this new use of his tie.

Connor raised his eyebrow and with a gleam in his own eye and a rough pull on the tie, he secured Murphy’s wrists to the steering column leaving Murphy with very little wiggle room. Neither twin said a word as Connor’s fingers worked; Murphy watched, Connor tied. And when he was done, when Connor had his brother bound and helpless, he used his own tie to blindfold Murphy.

“Now you won’t be tempted to sneak a peek,” Connor announced as the ends of the tie rested on Murphy’s shoulder. He sat back and gazed at his beautiful twin. Murphy was so fucking amazing, he could be with anyone he wanted but he chose to be with Connor. Murphy was in love with him and even though he had yet to tell him, Connor knew those words would come with time. He just had to be patient and not push.

Murphy bit his lip and fidgeted in his seat, his nervous energy making him squirm with anticipation. Why was Connor just sitting there, why wasn’t he doing something? Connor had him right where he wanted him, bound and blindfolded, but nothing was happening.

“Connor?”

Murphy really needed to stop saying his name with that whispery soft voice, it drove Connor wild. Murphy’s wiggling caused the ends of the tie to sway and the colorful display caught Connor’s attention, his eyes glancing down to his handiwork. Connor never tied anyone up before and even though this wasn’t much of anything, he was surprised by how erotic he found it, how turned on he felt and how much he really liked seeing Murphy like this. He hoped Murphy was turned on too, he looked like he was…..maybe he’d let Connor tie him up again sometime.

“Conn?”

Fucking hell…..Murphy did it again, but this time that breathy voice was followed by a lick of his lips, his pink tongue teasing Connor with his innocent gesture. Murphy tilted his head, almost as if he could see his twin even though Connor knew full fucking well he couldn’t. Then Murphy licked his lips again, this time a bit slower, his tongue lingering too long on his upper lip. Connor knew _this_ time, that lick was not innocent…..that lick was definitely intentional.

Murphy was practically screaming for a kiss, his lips were parted, his head tilted just right, his tongue at the ready. He couldn’t see Connor’s reaction but Connor certainly would have noticed him licking his lips…..wouldn’t he? Murphy wanted to kiss his brother, his lips were practically tingling with the prospect of tasting Connor’s mouth again…..maybe he should try something else to get what he wanted.

Murphy was trying to work him with that sexy voice and teasing tongue and it worked every fucking time he did it. Connor gave in to Murphy.....it was difficult not to. If Murphy wanted a kiss, then Murphy would get a kiss. Connor leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to Murphy’s mouth, his brother instantly smiling and kissing back. Murphy slid his body closer and he opened his mouth to deepen the kiss as Connor slid his tongue between his lips.

Murphy liked to touch Connor when they kissed, he liked to feel his face and his shoulders and back. He liked to feel Connor’s heartbeat pound beneath his fingers. Having his wrists restrained practically killed him, Murphy needed the tactile sensation of his brother’s skin and his fingers practically twitched with desire.

Connor could easily get lost in the softness of Murphy’s lips, the wetness of his tongue, the sexy little sounds his brother made whenever they kissed. But Connor had things to set up and plans to put in motion; he wanted to take Murphy to the spot on the beach before the sun set. He needed to stop the kissing or they’d never make it out of the car. Connor slowly pulled back from his twin, Murphy’s mouth desperately chasing his lips as he blindly followed Connor’s lingering sweetness. Murphy sighed quietly at the loss of Connor’s kiss and his brother placed his hand on Murphy’s face, gently cupping his cheek. Murphy leaned into his hand and turned his head, softly kissing his palm.

Connor stroked his thumb across Murphy’s cheekbone before he released his brother’s face and he checked the binding at his wrists, satisfied Murphy hadn’t tightened it too much. Connor spoke only two words before he left, “Stay put.”

Murphy took a deep breath, his nose filling with Connor’s enticing scent. He could smell Connor on the tie that covered his eyes and in the air itself…..Connor’s smell was practically everywhere. He listened to his brother remove things from the trunk and he smiled when Connor cursed softly at having to make more than one trip to the spot he picked out. Murphy was dying to know what Connor was doing, his curiosity was eating him up. All he had to do was bend his head and he’d be able to reach the blindfold and take it off. But that would spoil the fun and Murphy really didn’t want to spoil the fun, especially since it had just started.

 

********

 

Connor pulled gently on the tie that still held Murphy’s wrists together and he led his blindfolded brother through the brush and across the sand, yanking harder each time Murphy slowed down. But with each step, Murphy actually seemed to move slower, no matter how hard Connor pulled. There was no reason Murphy should be moving this slow, he’d been so eager to get to the beach…..unless…..unless Murphy was doing it on purpose.

Connor looked at his brother’s face and that’s when he noticed the grin Murphy was trying to hide, the grin he hadn’t noticed because he’d been busy making sure his twin didn’t trip. Murphy’s grin was so slight that only the very corners of his mouth were raised and Connor held back his laugh. So Murphy wanted to play, did he?

“You okay, Murph?” Connor stopped walking and did his best to sound concerned. It wasn’t too hard to fake actually, he always seemed to be concerned about his twin so the tone in his voice was easy to replicate.

“Mmm-hmm.”

“You sure?” Murphy nodded his head and Connor let the silence take hold, he let Murphy wonder why they stopped walking. He cranked up the concern in his voice as he quietly said, “I don’t know. You seem tired. Maybe we should call it a night.”

Murphy’s grin instantly faded and he shook his head in a near panic. He didn’t want the night to end, no fucking way, not when it had barely begun. “Connor, no. I’m fine. Please don’t end our date.”

“You swear you’re fine?” Connor tightened his grip on Murphy’s tie and waited for the answer.

“I swear. I’m perfectly fine, Connor.”

The words had barely left Murphy’s lips when Connor yanked hard on the tie, shocking his brother. Murphy stumbled and lurched forward but Connor was ready. Instead of Murphy falling to his knees, he fell into the safe embrace of Connor’s open arms. There was no way Connor would ever let Murphy fall, not even into the soft sand.

“What the fuck was that, Connor?” Murphy said with a bit of a laugh as he struggled to regain his balance.

“Just playing a bit,” Connor replied softly with a quick kiss to his lips. “Besides, we’re here.”

Murphy’s grin returned but this time he didn’t hide it. Connor figured out what he was doing but it was worth it to be held in those arms and to feel Connor’s hands across his back. Murphy stabilized on his feet as Connor relaxed his hold and he waited for Connor to remove the blindfold. When nothing happened, Murphy reached for the blindfold himself.

Connor pulled Murphy’s hands down with a tug of the tie. “I put the blindfold on you, I’ll be the one to take it off.”

“Well fucking do it already then Connor,” Murphy could barely stand any further delay and he couldn’t prevent the frustration in his voice.

Connor shook his head in amusement at his brother, not that Murphy would see it. Murphy MacManus was not known for his patience but he’d lasted longer than Connor thought he would. “All right, Murph. I’ve tortured you enough I guess. Let’s get this off.”

Murphy dutifully faced his brother and he felt Connor’s fingers work on the knot in the blindfold. Finally, he’d be able to see again. He was excited to see what Connor had done, what he had set up on the beach for them but more than anything else, Murphy couldn’t wait to see his brother’s face. All he really cared about was seeing Connor, everything else was extraneous.

“Keep your eyes closed until I say so,” Connor instructed as his fingers paused. “Okay?”

Murphy agreed with a quick nod and he felt the tie loosen around his head and then it was gone, Connor pulling it away from his eyes. Murphy kept his eyes closed as Connor took him by his shoulders and turned him gently.

“Just a minute, Murph,” Connor mumbled with a small laugh as his hands went to Murphy’s hair, working it between his fingers and trying to put it back into place. “Your hair looked good until I fucked it up with that tie.”

“S’okay. Take your time.” Murphy didn’t care if his hair stuck up, it always stuck up, but if Connor wanted to run his hands through his hair to fix it, Murphy wouldn’t stop him. Connor could spend hours touching his hair and Murphy would be perfectly content. After a couple moments, a few more strokes to his head and a number of playful hair pulls, Connor removed his hands from his thick mop and told Murphy he could open his eyes.

They were facing the water and the most incredible sunset Murphy had ever seen. It was like God Himself created that sunset just for them. The sun was a brilliant orange-red that caused the thickening clouds to look almost purple as streaks of deep amber and yellows reflected off the water.

Connor had two huge pillows on a blanket in the sand that was surrounded by tiki torches yet to be lit with a second blanket folded next to it for when the air chilled after the sun went down. There was a tray of cheese resting on a cooler that held what Murphy hoped was beer, as well as a second tray of some kind of dessert cut into small cubes.

The sound of a bottle opening pulled Murphy from his thoughts and his brother held an open beer in front of his face. Murphy took the beer with gratitude, it’d been far too long since he’d tasted his favorite brew and he took a swallow as Connor opened his own bottle.

“I swiped the beer from The Anvil so if Uncle Sibeal says anything about some missing bottles, you know nothing.”

“My lips are sealed, Conn.”

Connor took a slow drink of his beer before he repeated his brother’s challenge from earlier that night. “I bet I could unseal them.”

Murphy glanced at his twin before his eyes returned to the sunset, the beer raised to his mouth as he tried not to smile. Connor watched Murphy’s lips wrap around the tip of the bottle, he watched his mouth open to let the foamy ale inside and he watched Murphy’s throat move as he swallowed. Connor took a slow drink of his own beer in an attempt to cool off…..fucking hell, he never knew watching Murphy drink a beer could be such a turn on.

“This is really incredible Connor. Everything is just _so incredible.”_ Murphy was awestruck as he looked at everything again with wide eyes.

Connor gazed at all he had done to make their first date as incredible as Murphy seemed to think it was. He didn’t want this date to be a cookie cutter date, the typical dinner and a movie. That was far too boring and routine…..that was ordinary. And Murphy wasn’t ordinary.

Connor wanted to impress Murphy, he wanted their date to be unforgettable and special, he wanted it to be romantic. But to Connor, it just didn’t seem special enough…..not for Murph. Connor wanted steak and champagne but instead he had cheese and beer. He wanted fireworks to light up the sky but all he had were cheap tiki torches that probably wouldn’t stay lit. And he wanted to kiss Murphy on silk sheets and satin pillows, not on a ratty blanket and a couple old pillows from the closet.

“I love it all Connor, every bit. It’s perfect.”

Murphy looked at him with a smile that made Connor want to give him the whole world and he saw the beach through Murphy’s eyes. They had an incredible sunset, food to feed each other and a blanket to cuddle under. They were in love and they were together…..just the two of them on a secluded beach.

Murphy was right. It was perfect.

 

********

 

It was just like a fucking chick flick…..the walk along the water’s edge with their pants rolled up to their knees, the laughing and chasing each other, the passionate kiss when Connor caught him as the waves rolled in around their legs.

It was just like a chick flick except for the fact that Connor still refused to untie Murphy’s hands. In fact, the tie was the only reason Connor caught him. He snagged the end of the tie and pulled Murphy to his body, pinning his hands between their chests as his arms wrapped tightly around his torso. And when they kissed, Murphy took advantage of where his hands were and undid the buttons on Connor’s shirt, sliding his hands along his brother’s broad chest and finally getting the contact he ached for.

They returned to the blanket to watch the final moments of the setting sun, Murphy getting fresh beers for them both while Connor lit the torches. After a few colorful expletives from Connor’s mouth, two of the four torches were finally lit and Connor flopped down on the blanket next to his brother.

“Fucking cheap pieces of shit,” Connor complained as he took the beer Murphy passed him, his eyes glaring at the torches as if they’d suddenly light on their own. “If it wasn’t so ironic, I’d say we should burn the fuckers.”

Murphy laughed while Connor continued to grumble and glare at the unlit torches. “I like it better with only two lit, Conn.”

Connor grunted in response and Murphy motioned to the trays. “All that’s left is the dessert. It looks good, what is it?”

Connor suddenly forgot all about the torches, Murphy’s sweet tooth was now his primary focus. He leaned forward and pulled the tray over, resting it on the blanket between their legs. The dessert was cut into small cubes, each cube a different color, each color as vivid as the next. Connor took a fork and moved it over the cubes, trying to decide which to choose.

“I think you’ll like this one, Murph.” Connor speared one of the cubes and fed it to his twin. Murphy’s mouth filled with the richest, smoothest, most delicious raspberry cheesecake he’d ever eaten. He couldn’t help the groan and the roll of his eyes…..this is what Connor stopped at the restaurant for.

Murphy loved sweets and in particular, he loved cheesecake. And the cheesecake from Connor’s “usual” was the best in town. Murphy had never seen it served in little cubes before and as Connor slid the fork into a green cube, he explained he had it special ordered just for Murphy, sort of a cheesecake sampler.

Murphy knew what cheesecake cost…..and cheesecake was fucking expensive. Murphy rarely ate it for that reason alone, they just couldn’t afford it. “This must have cost a fortune, Connor.”

“I think this one is key lime,” Connor said quietly as he ignored Murphy’s comment. Money was no object when he could make his brother this happy with just some cheesecake. He fed Murphy the green cube and watched as Murphy closed his eyes and moaned quietly, his face reflecting an almost emotional reaction as he slowly chewed, trying to make it last as long as possible.

“I think I just had a cheesecake orgasm in my mouth,” Murphy mumbled quietly with a slight laugh, his eyes opening after he swallowed.

“Yeah, I could tell,” Connor joked back as he stabbed a red cube. “Was it good for you?”

“Not as good as a real one. But at least I don’t have to scrub cum stains off my sheets afterward.”

They laughed like little boys at Murphy’s joke, the beer buzz making it seem even funnier. But then Murphy suddenly remembered how his cum stained sheets led to him being punished, which in turn led to him seeing Connor fucking Katie. As he looked at his brother, he pictured Connor huffing and puffing between Katie’s thighs and Murphy felt his heart tighten painfully. He’d seen some terrible things in his life but that….. _that_ was the worst.

Murphy looked away from the person he loved most in life; he looked back to the sunset as he tried to forget that image burned into his mind. He hated when he did things like this, when he couldn’t stop thinking of things that didn’t matter anymore. What the fuck was wrong with him? He was ruining their perfect moment. Connor wasn’t with that bitch, he was with Murphy. Connor had done all this…..just for him. But how do you stop your mind from picturing something that still hurt so deeply, that still cut you to the core? How?

“What’s wrong?” Connor wasn’t faking the concern in his voice, this time it was real. He felt the sudden shift in Murphy’s mood, he saw the look on his brother’s face and how his smile disappeared without warning. But worst of all, Murphy looked away, his eyes left Connor’s face and they hadn’t yet returned. Connor felt an emptiness he wasn’t used to feeling…..an emptiness caused by the loss of Murphy’s gaze.

“Nothing’s wrong, Conn.” Murphy’s voice was quiet, not the sexy, whispery quiet but the trying not to cry quiet. He took a deep breath and tried to drive his insecurity from his mind, he tried to reassure himself. Connor and Katie were over and done with, just like him and Jonathan…..it was just a page in their history that led them to this point. Murphy needed to let it fucking go and trust in their budding relationship….. _Connor was his and his alone._

Connor lowered the fork to the tray, thinking he knew what, or more precisely _who,_ haunted Murphy’s mind. It really wasn’t too surprising, not really. In a way, Connor even expected it. Murphy had just broken up with that fucker, it would only be natural for him to cross Murphy’s mind. But just because Connor understood, it didn’t mean he liked it. The few insecurities Connor had all revolved around his twin and his greatest fear was another man living in Murphy’s heart.

Murphy finally looked back into Connor’s eyes and the warmth that was missing from Connor’s existence returned with that simple gaze from those blue eyes. Connor wasn’t about to mention Jonathan’s name, not when Murphy was smiling and seemed okay again, he wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that wonderful look his brother was giving him.

Murphy locked eyes with Connor and the confidence in their relationship, and in Connor himself, returned ten-fold. Connor may have fucked Katie but he didn’t make love to her, and that was the difference. She never had his heart, not for one second…..Murphy had his heart. Murphy always had Connor’s heart, he just didn’t know it until now.

“What flavor is the red one?” Murphy asked with a tip of his head toward the tray.

“Red velvet.”

Connor reached for the fork, ready to feed his brother and more than ready to see Murphy’s reaction when it hit his tongue. The way Murphy moaned, deep and throaty, combined with the look of ecstasy on his face made Connor’s dick twitch in his pants. But before Connor could lift the delicacy to his brother’s lips, Murphy’s hand covered his and Murphy turned the fork to cut the piece into two.

“Murph…..I got this for you.”

“I know. But what’s mine is yours. And if I’m going to have any type of orgasm,” Murphy paused as he lifted the fork to Connor’s perfectly shaped pout, “even if it’s a cheesecake orgasm, I want to share it with you.”

 

********

 

They had finished the cheesecake and most of the beer when Murphy held his wrists up toward Connor once again. The ends of Connor’s tie hung from Murphy’s wrists as he asked to be untied for the third time. But the third time wasn’t the charm.

“Mmmm. No, I don’t think so.” Connor slowly lifted his bottle to his mouth, covering his smirk as he swallowed the last of his beer. He was enjoying himself immensely, probably too much if truth be told. Murphy was trying so hard to get him to untie his hands, his twin was using every tool in his arsenal, but that only made Connor want to keep him tied up longer. When his bottle was empty, Connor replaced it with the final beer from the cooler as his eyes evaluated his twin. “I rather like you like this. It’s sexy as fuck.”

Murphy lowered his hands seemingly in resignation, although Connor knew better than to think Murphy was relenting. “I never knew you were so kinky.”

“You bring it out in me, Murph.”

Murphy hoped that was true, he wanted to be the only one to bring out this side of his brother. Murphy wondered how kinky Connor could actually be, what was he into, what did he like? Would he want to tie him up again? Murphy had some wild fantasies about Connor and he wondered how reality would compare.

The wind picked up and it blew Connor’s shirt open, exposing his chest. Murphy tried not to stare, he tried to keep his eyes from diverting downward but it was impossible. His whole life he’d spent sneaking glances at Connor’s body but now things were different. Now he could look all he wanted…..but even more than looking, Murphy wanted to touch. 

Murphy wanted his hands free, he _needed_ his hands free but asking nice didn’t work. The pleading look combined with the head tilt didn’t work either. Even his whispery soft voice didn’t work.....and that _always_ worked on Connor. If Murphy didn’t know better, he’d think he was losing his touch. He looked away from Connor’s chest and back into his brother’s eyes. Even in the soft light from the torches, Connor’s smirk told him he wasn’t losing his touch, Connor was just enjoying the position they were in. But Connor would enjoy even more if he’d just untie him.

Murphy needed to come up with something new that would work, other than the obvious “untie me you fucker so I can feel you up.” While that would no doubt get his hands untied, it was much more fun to be coy and a bit suggestive.

“You really should untie me, Connor.”

“No.” Murphy was up to something, it was obvious in the way he spoke, the way he looked, the way he half shrugged his shoulders.

“I might need my hands you know.”

Connor’s eyes widened noticeably with the endless possibilities of what Murphy might need his hands for…..touching, squeezing, stroking…..probing. Murphy definitely needed to be untied. Immediately.

Without even taking a sip of his beer, Connor shoved the bottle into the sand and grabbed the end of the tie, yanking Murphy’s hands forward. Connor struggled to undo the knot, it had tightened from all the pulling and it was difficult to loosen, let alone untie. He slid closer to his brother, his fingers pulling harder but without success, his brow furrowed with his efforts.

Murphy watched his brother frantically work, he’d never seen Connor so flustered yet so eager at the same time…..talk about looking sexy as fuck. Murphy dipped his head and placed light kisses on Connor’s face as he worked on the knot, kissing slowly down his cheek with parted lips and heated breath.

Connor pulled harder on the tie, jerking not only Murphy’s hands but his entire body forward. But Murphy ignored the yank, instead he concentrated on covering his brother’s face with his love.

“You’re distracting me, Murph,” Connor mumbled without looking at his brother, pulling harder on the knot. The fucking thing just wouldn’t loosen.

“That’s the idea,” Connor could barely understand his twin with Murphy’s mouth pressed against his skin, his words muffled as he dragged his lips downward toward Connor’s mouth. Murphy traveled at a snail’s pace down his cheek and when he finally reached Connor’s mouth, his tongue licked back and forth across his lower lip.

“I can’t untie you if you keep doing that,” Connor warned, not wanting Murphy to stop but needing him to. He turned his face and quickly kissed Murphy’s lips before returning to the tie, hoping that would satisfy his suddenly ravenous brother’s mouth but knowing it wouldn’t, not with Murphy practically attacking him with his lips.

Murphy kissed whatever his mouth came in contact with, most notably the corner of Connor’s mouth and his cheek. Light licks replaced the kisses before Murphy ran his nose along Connor’s skin, inhaling deeply. “Hurry the fuck up, Connor.”

Murphy’s voice sounded deeper than normal, he sounded breathless and horny as hell. How in the fuck could Connor be expected to untie this fucking knot with Murphy kissing and licking him and sounding like that? If Murphy didn’t stop that shit, Connor would never get him untied. Connor took a deep breath and tried to focus on his task, he tried to ignore what Murphy’s mouth was doing.

He gave a hard tug and the knot magically loosened and once Connor actually got it started, it came undone relatively quickly, his fingers finally making quick work of the knot. He pulled the tie from his twin’s wrists, releasing his younger half. He didn’t even get a chance to say a word or to look at his brother before Murphy was on him.

Once Murphy felt the tie being pulled away, he reacted. Murphy waited all night for this moment and he wasn’t about to delay any further. What he had been leisurely licking, he began forcefully kissing and his mouth took possession of Connor’s lips. As he pressed his mouth hard against Connor’s, Murphy’s hands slid under Connor’s shirt, each hand going to a separate shoulder and pushing Connor’s shirt down his arms and off his body.

Murphy pushed at his shoulders, his fingers digging into the hard muscles, his lips not losing contact with Connor’s mouth. He was trying to get Connor onto his back, he wanted to lie on top of him, he wanted his body to cover Connor’s. But either Connor didn’t understand what Murphy wanted or Connor wanted something else. Their tongues tangled together as Murphy tried again, pushing insistently at his brother.

But Connor pushed back, he pushed back with his hands, he pushed back with his tongue, he pushed back with his body. Connor had the leverage Murphy needed and he easily pushed his lighter twin into the blanket, maneuvering Murphy’s head to the pillow as Murphy clutched at his shoulders and pulled him down onto his body.

They kissed vigorously, almost as if they both feared it would be their last, their lips in constant movement. Connor tried to keep his weight off his twin but Murphy wanted to feel every pound, every ounce of his brother. Each time Connor tried to support his weight with his elbows or knees, Murphy would shift beneath him and pull at his body until Connor’s entire weight rested on top of him.

Murphy’s hands stroked Connor’s back, he fucking loved Connor’s back, and his fingers tickled his sides when he reached his waistband before they slid back toward his shoulders. Murphy was rewarded with shivers and a smile against his mouth as his hands continued to explore every ridge, every muscle of the chiseled back on top of him.

The hand on Murphy’s hip squeezed gently, the fingers kneading his skin through his clothing. It felt amazing to have Connor on top of him, to have his hands on his body, to have his tongue in his mouth. The weight of Connor’s body pressed down onto him, pushing Murphy into the soft sand and he lifted his hips slightly to press his pelvis into Connor’s.

Connor had a hand in Murphy’s hair and his fingers toyed with the softness, alternating between gentle strokes and playful tugs. Murphy seemed to respond to this, his kisses became deeper and his breath seemed hotter in Connor’s mouth.

As Connor moved his arm, his watchband caught on a chunk of Murphy’s hair and pulled on it painfully, almost taking it out by the root. Murphy’s body jerked as a shocked yelp came from beneath Connor, his mouth pulling away as his fingers dug into the flesh of Connor’s back.

“Connor, don’t. That hurts,” Murphy pleaded as Connor tried to pull off his twin, not realizing what was going on, not knowing his watch was tangled in Murphy’s hair. All he knew was he was hurting Murphy, he was causing him pain, he had to get off him. Connor glanced down to his brother’s groin, thinking maybe his weight was hurting Murphy’s dick or maybe his leg was pressing painfully into his balls. Connor shifted his hips and lifted his weight off Murphy’s bulge in an attempt to relieve any pain but as Connor shifted, Murphy yelped again and his hand grasped Connor’s forearm to stop him from pulling his hair out. “Conn, stop.”

Connor froze, his eyes glued to Murphy’s face as he suddenly realized what the trouble was. Connor carefully inspected his wrist, seeing how Murphy’s hair was tangled around his watch and he carefully rested his weight on his elbow while keeping his wrist from pulling his brother’s hair. Connor’s other hand untangled the hair from his watch as Murphy released his forearm and within a few moments, Murphy’s hair was finally free.

Connor smoothed his brother’s hair and kissed his head a half dozen times as Murphy laughed beneath him. “Still kissing my boo-boos after all these years.”

“Especially the boo-boos I cause, Murph.”

Connor rolled off him and rested on his back, his head on the pillow, his eyes on the thick clouds overhead. Murphy sat up and reached for the extra blanket, unfolding it as Connor’s hand stroked his back. With the sun down, the air had chilled considerably and even though they both were heated from their activities, their skin was still cool to the touch.

“Is it too cold for you to take off your shirt, Murph?”

Connor’s question surprised him and he turned to look down at his brother’s face. Murphy thought if Connor wanted his shirt off, he wouldn’t ask, he’d just do it. But sometimes Connor surprised him and Murphy liked that about his brother. “No, it’s not too cold…..not if I’m with you under the blanket.”

“Then take it off, Murph.”

Connor watched as Murphy pulled his shirt from the waistband of his pants, Murphy’s eyes looking shyly away as he unbuttoned it with shaky hands. Connor reached up and helped pull his shirt off before he tossed it to the side and Murphy looked back at his reclining brother. He wasn’t used to Connor watching him take his clothes off, even if it was just his shirt, and he was nervous for his reaction, as stupid as that sounded. The air was cold and Murphy tried not to shiver as he waited.

Connor simply opened his arms and motioned for Murphy to join him. Murphy smiled and pulled the blanket with him as he curled into Connor’s arms, his head resting in the crook of his warm shoulder. Murphy didn’t want Connor to be cold and he carefully arranged the blanket to cover them both before his hand snaked under the blanket to rest on Connor’s stomach.

They were both quiet, listening to the crickets in the brush, their bodies warming each other. Connor’s hand stroked Murphy’s bare shoulder while Murphy’s fingers played in the hair around Connor’s navel. They linked their legs together and Murphy ran his foot along Connor’s bare calf, his toes wiggling against his skin as Connor pulled him closer.

They talked for a bit, about nothing really, just little teases and innuendos between gentle kisses until Murphy quietly asked, “Is this weird for you at all, Connor?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

Murphy lifted his head to see his brother’s face, he needed to see his expression. He shifted onto his belly and rested on his elbows, looking directly at his brother. “Is this weird for you?”

“What? You and me?”

Murphy nodded, his lips pressed together. He was suddenly afraid, what if Connor realized how wrong this actually was? What if he realized what Murphy was doing to him? How he was tempting him, corrupting him? How he was blemishing his soul?

“Not really. It was a bit odd at first just because we’re brothers but no…..it’s not weird to me now.”

Murphy nodded, “Okay.”

Connor knew there was more than being brothers that bothered his twin, there was something deeper that haunted Murphy, Connor just wasn’t sure what it was. “Is it weird for you? Is that the problem?”

Murphy smiled sadly and shook his head, “No, it’s not weird for me, not at all. It’s a dream come true Connor. I just…..” Murphy stopped abruptly and took a deep breath as he dropped his head. After a moment he quietly whispered, “I just don’t want you to go to hell with me, Conn.”

Connor rolled onto his side toward Murphy and propped himself up on his elbow, the blanket gathering at their waists. “Murph. Why would you think you’re going to hell?”

Murphy shrugged, his fingers pulling at the balled pieces in the blanket, his eyes refusing to look at his brother. “I don’t think, I know,” Murphy said softly.

“Murphy MacManus, you fucking look at me.”

Connor’s voice was firm, commanding and insistent. Murphy obeyed his brother and looked into his eyes, chewing on his lip. He loved Connor so much that it hurt.

“You’re not going to hell.”

“Father O’Shea said I was. He couldn’t fix me, Connor.”

“You’re not fucking broken, Murphy.”

Murphy looked away, his mind going back to when he was sixteen and meeting with the priest every day. He never told anyone what that priest said….. _or did._ “I don’t know. I kind of think sometimes I am broken. But it’s okay though, I know where I’m going. I just don’t want you in hell with me, that’s all.”

Connor sat up and pushed Murphy onto his back, forcing his brother to look at him. Connor couldn’t believe the pain he saw in Murphy’s eyes, he’d never seen anything like it before. He thought Jonathan did a mind fuck on Murphy but that was nothing compared to what that so called holy man did.

“I don’t give a fuck what that priest said, he’s not God, Murph. You’re not going to hell just because you like boys, okay? That’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. God loves you, Murphy.”

Murphy nodded as he listened to his twin. Connor was right…..love isn’t wrong, love is never wrong. How could anything so beautiful be wrong? It couldn’t.....it was as simple as that.

Murphy lifted his head and kissed Connor with every bit of pent up emotion he had, every bit of love in his heart, every bit of suppressed desire from years gone by. He felt free and unencumbered for the first time ever.

Connor blindly pulled the blanket back onto their bodies as he kissed the most incredible person he’d ever known. He felt the need in Murphy’s lips, the want in his tongue and the desire in his soul. And then he felt the lust in Murphy’s hands as they grasped Connor’s ass.

Murphy pulled at his brother, he pulled him hard into his body, hard between his legs. His hands didn’t let go, they grasped tighter. His kisses didn’t slow, they deepened and his body began to respond and awaken. Murphy wanted every part of Connor near him, on him, in him.

And as Connor felt himself giving in to Murphy, as he felt himself stiffening inside his pants, he also felt droplets hitting the back of his head and across his bare shoulders. Connor ignored it as best he could, he pretended it wasn’t happening, rain wasn’t about to spoil this moment. But the cold rain steadily increased and Connor felt the weight of the blanket across his back as it absorbed the drizzle.

“Fucking hell, I don’t believe this shit. Come on, Murph, we need to go,” Connor pulled away from his brother but Murphy held on tight, his hands still clutching his butt as he wrapped his legs around Connor’s thighs and held him tight to his body.

“It’s only a little rain Conn,” Murphy mumbled as he lifted his head and kissed along Connor’s jawline, licking cold rain from his face with his hot tongue. “We won’t melt.”

Connor glanced down at his twin, trying to see his brother’s face but with the tiki torches too wet to stay lit, he could only see Murphy when the lightning flashed. But Connor could feel how rain slicked his brother’s skin was, how soaked his hair was and as Connor moved, he felt puddles on the blanket and pillows beneath Murphy. No fucking way was he going to let Murphy continue to lie in cold water, no matter how badly Murphy wanted to stay.

But Murphy ignored his brother’s admonishments to leave, he ignored the cold rain that fell on their bodies and he ignored his own shivering that began. Murphy wanted to stay on the beach, he wanted to stay in Connor’s arms no matter how cold and wet he was. He’d lie in ice water just to stay with Connor.

“Please Murphy,” Connor’s pleading voice made Murphy stop and when the lightning flashed, he saw the concern in the eyes looking down at him. Connor was probably cold and even though the blanket covered most of his body, the rain was hitting his bare back…..Connor had to be cold. Murphy had to get him out of the rain right away.

Murphy released Connor from his tight grip and they sat up together as Connor threw the blanket off his body. As quick as they could in the pouring rain, they grabbed their things and ran to the car, tossing everything into the trunk or backseat before climbing in themselves.

“We might have to wait for the rain to let up. I can’t see a thing,” Connor said as Murphy agreed, it would be too dangerous to drive at the moment. Connor started the car and even with the windshield wipers on high, they still couldn’t see. They sat in silence, shivering and watching the pouring rain hit the windshield until Murphy started to laugh. Connor looked at his cackling brother, “What’s so funny?”

Murphy’s teeth were chattering as he mumbled, “I’ve never been so fucking hot and so fucking cold at the same time before. Pretty fucked up way to kill the moment, don’t ya think?”

Connor couldn’t help but laugh, he felt the same as Murph. “Yeah, it really fucking sucks.”

Murphy crossed his arms over his chest, his hands rubbing his skin to try to warm up. “I’m so fucking cold, Connor. Could you turn the heater on?”

“I’d love to but the fucking thing doesn’t work.”

Murphy laughed again, a bit quieter this time as his teeth chattered louder. “Fucking figures.”

Connor looked at his brother, his eyes evaluating him in the soft light from the dashboard. Murphy shook almost violently and he actually looked blue. Connor was cold but he was warming up quickly now that he was out of the rain. But Murphy had been lying in cold rain water, he was chilled to the bone. Their clothes and the blankets were soaked and Connor had to do something to warm his brother up.

“Come with me,” Connor motioned as he climbed over the seat and settled his body in the backseat where they’d have more room. He motioned again with his hand, “Come on.”

Murphy smiled as he looked over his shoulder at his twin. “You’re not sick of me yet?”

Connor shook his head and waited patiently. Murphy slowly climbed over the seat as carefully as he could, his body was numb from the cold but Connor’s warm hands helped him along. Connor wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close as they sat side by side and his hands rubbed Murphy’s skin.

Murphy’s body relaxed into the warmth of his brother. “That feels so good, Connor.”

“That’s the general idea, Murph,” Connor laughed.

Connor held his brother until his body warmed up, he stroked his skin until his shivering stopped and he kissed his damp head until Murphy climbed on top of him.

It was quiet in the car, there was only the sound of the rain on the roof and their quiet breathing when Murphy climbed onto Connor’s lap, straddling his body and running his fingers over the tops of Connor’s shoulders. Connor’s hands were on Murphy’s waist, his fingers squeezing gently as he waited to see what Murphy would do.

Murphy’s touch went from a feathery light stroke to a firm massage, his hands working from Connor’s shoulders down to his biceps and back again. Murphy took his time as he rubbed his brother’s muscles, his hands next going to Connor’s chest and feeling how his brother flexed beneath his fingers. Connor sat back and enjoyed the attention from his love, Murphy’s face intense as he played. Murphy raked his nails across Connor’s chest, smiling when Connor’s muscles twitched and he paused to rub and twist Connor’s nipples, stiffening them.

“Shit, Murph,” Connor moaned, he’d never had anyone play with his nipples before and it was a brand new experience for him. Murphy pressed his thumbs into his hard nubs and grinded them in small circles, watching Connor’s face for his reaction. Murphy smiled at him when he saw how much Connor enjoyed the feeling and how his breathing increased.

Connor tightened his grip on Murphy’s waist and pulled him closer to his body, spreading Murphy’s legs wider as he rested on Connor’s bulge, their stomachs flush. Murphy kept his thumbs moving against Connor’s rock hard nipples and he bent his head to gently kiss Connor’s mouth.

Connor let Murphy control the entire situation. He let Murphy’s fingers tease his nipples, he let Murphy’s tongue tease his mouth and he let Murphy’s body tease his cock. Murphy deepened their kiss and his sexy little sounds filled the car as he grinded on Connor’s thickening bulge…..both twins heated, both twins breathless, both twins now hard.

Fuck, Murphy felt so amazing rubbing his body against him, his mouth tasted incredible, his fingers were magic. Murphy released his mouth and looked into his eyes before he dipped his head and licked his way down Connor’s neck to one of his nipples, his mouth covering it as he lightly sucked.

Connor stroked Murphy’s back as his tongue flicked his nipple, his teeth pulling it gently. Murphy licked across his chest and he repeated this with Connor’s other nipple as it stiffened almost painfully against his wet tongue.

Connor stroked his brother’s back, his head…..the curve of his ass. Fuck, he was losing his mind, Murphy was all hot hands and wet tongue. Connor shivered and pulled Murphy’s hair when Murphy lightly bit his abdomen and he resisted the urge to push Murphy further down his body.

But then Murphy’s mouth was on his again, his hands gently cupping Connor’s face as he slid his body close. Connor held his waist tightly and pushed Murphy down onto his cock as he lifted his hips to grind between Murphy’s thighs. Connor’s groan was loud and his hands slid up Murphy’s back, feeling his smooth skin and pinching it lightly before his hands slid back to cup Murphy’s ass, jerking him forward.

Murphy released his mouth with a soft sucking sound and he pressed his forehead against Connor’s, his breath hot in his face. Murphy clutched the back of Connor’s head, his fingers deep in his hair as he closed his eyes and tried to regain control.

“Murph? What’s wrong?”

Murphy opened his eyes and shook his head. “Nothing. It’s just…..I don’t…..I’m not…..”

Connor relaxed his hips, lowering them back to the seat as his fingers loosened his grip on his brother’s waist. “It’s okay, all right?”

“No, you don’t understand. I want to. It’s just that…..well, I didn’t think we would so I didn’t bring my stuff.”

Connor was confused. Stuff? What stuff could Murphy be talking about? What could he possibly need?

Murphy was turning redder by the second. Even in the dim light in the car, his crimson color was quickly spreading from his face and down his chest. Connor smiled, Murphy blushing was one of his most favorite things about his brother.

“What stuff, Murph?”

Murphy took a deep breath, his voice soft as he explained. “You know….. _stuff._ For us. Lube and condoms.”

Connor raised his eyebrows in shock. His shy brother somehow had the balls to get lube and condoms? Connor was proud of his younger twin, proud and pleased that Murphy did that, for them.

“Come on, get off me,” Connor patted his ass as Murphy lifted himself from Connor’s lap. Murphy flopped down next to his brother as Connor turned toward him. “First off, I want to too. But not here, okay? I don’t want our first time to be in the backseat of some fucking borrowed piece of shit car.”

Murphy never expected Connor to be the one wanting to wait. Murphy thought he’d be the one to chicken out and be a complete pussy but he was ready to be with Connor in every way, to do everything a couple did together, to love him completely. Murphy smiled, he really didn’t care where their first time was, not in the least. But Connor did. So even though his cock was throbbing between his legs, he was okay with waiting for the right place if that’s what Connor wanted.

“Second, I really don’t want to use condoms, Murph. I don’t want anything between us; I want to feel you when we make love. But if you want to use condoms, then we’ll use condoms, okay?”

Murphy shook his head as his eyes sparkled, he was thrilled with what Connor was telling him. “I want to feel you too, Connor, every fucking inch of you. I just thought…..I don’t know, I just thought we needed them, s’all.”

“Well we don’t.”

Murphy laughed, relief flooding his body. “We could use them for water balloon fights. That way they wouldn’t go to waste.”

Connor made a face at his brother as he pictured being hit in the face with a water balloon condom and he chose to not encourage his brother in this regard. Instead, Connor cupped Murphy’s face in his hand and stroked his cheekbone. Murphy smiled in response and gently kissed his palm once again.

“Now, my dear Murphy…..tell me, what flavor lube did you get?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok.....so they didn't do it. YET. I know, what the fuck, right? I'm sorry, it just wasn't the right time, not yet anyway. Connor is being careful with Murphy and he wants their first time to be just right, he's not going to rush it just to fuck him. Murphy means more to him than that. So I hope that like Murphy, you all understand why they waited. Sorry for the explanation, but I just wanted to explain a bit their reason for waiting. Thank you for reading & please feel free to comment.


	38. I Feel Good

When Murphy woke up, the first thing he did was reach for the pictures he left on the nightstand that separated his bed from Connor’s. He needed to make sure last night wasn’t a dream, that it wasn’t one of his vivid fantasies or a cruel hallucination…..it just _had_ to be real.

He released the breath he wasn’t even aware he was holding and his body relaxed when his fingers found the pictures exactly where he’d left them. He rolled onto his back, pictures in hand, and gazed at the images from the night before, the images from the photo booth. Murphy loved how they looked when they kissed, he’d never get tired of looking at these pictures. They were so into each other, their faces reflected deep emotion and Connor.....Connor looked so fucking sexy.

“The real thing is better, you know,” Connor whispered from his bed and Murphy bit his lip as he turned his head and looked across the room at his twin; he had no idea Connor was awake. Connor had watched Murphy study the pictures, amused by how often Murphy felt the need to look at them kissing while at the same time turned on by the look on Murphy’s face and the blush in his cheek.

Murphy held the pictures up for him to see and Connor’s eyes shifted to the images in his brother’s hand, smiling as he remembered how Murphy felt in his arms, on his lap, against his body. Murphy felt incredible and he tasted even better, Connor couldn’t get enough of him. He really needed to hold Murphy in his arms again, and soon.

Murphy whispered back, “Pretty fucking hot, right?”

Connor pursed his lips, nodding at Murphy’s assessment and his eyes returned to his brother’s baby blues. He held out his hand and Murphy passed him the pictures, Connor’s eyes twinkling at the passion caught on film. Murphy was right, they were pretty fucking hot.

“You can’t leave these sitting out, Murph. Ma might see them.”

Murphy exhaled dramatically, sometimes he got tired of his brother telling him the obvious. “I’m not fucking stupid Connor, I know not to leave them out. I just wanted to look at them one more time before I hid them, okay?”

Connor passed the pictures back and watched in silence as Murphy got out of bed and went to their desk, pulling out the dictionary from the bottom drawer. He looked cold standing there in only his boxers as he thumbed through the book, his thumb stopping when he found the word he was looking for. He paused to look at the pictures one final time before tucking them inside and returning the book to the drawer, sheepishly turning back to his brother.

“There, I hid them. Happy now?”

No, Connor wasn’t happy. He wished he could let Murphy keep the pictures out, he wished he could have kept that smile on his face forever. He understood the irritated tone in his brother’s voice and the disappointment in his eyes, his sadness was obvious. Murphy acted annoyed but Connor knew better, Murphy’s eyes told him the truth. Connor felt the exact same way but he did his best to hide it, Murphy needed him to be strong.

Murphy really hated having to hide the pictures…..he loved those pictures and he wanted to tape them to his headboard or to the mirror in the bathroom so he could look at them all the time. They were too beautiful to be stuffed in a book, too perfect to be put away. He caught the look on Connor’s face before it changed and he knew Connor felt the same, he was just trying to be strong. Murphy took a deep breath and slowly released it. He could be strong too…..for Connor.

He slowly walked back to his bed, his bare feet quiet on the hardwood floor. When he was close enough to touch, Connor reached out and grasped his hand, pulling him gently toward his bed.

“It’s still pretty early, Murph.”

Murphy smirked, his eyes lighting up with the prospect of joining Connor in bed. Connor tugged at his hand once more as he pulled back the blanket to invite Murphy in. There was no place on earth Murphy would rather be than in that bed. He glanced at the clock…..they had well over an hour before they had to leave for church and Connor didn’t have to return the car until after mass. They had time.

Connor released his hand and slid to the side as Murphy climbed into his bed, his body settling into the warm spot Connor vacated. Connor wrapped his arms around his brother to pull him close, ready to move into their usual position but Murphy squirmed from his grip, maneuvering his body until he was lying on top of Connor and looking down into his face, their bodies pressed together.

“What are you doing, Murph?” Connor laughed quietly as Murphy’s body settled on him, his weight a warm and comfortable presence. Murphy surprised him with his actions but Connor wasn’t about to complain, not when Murphy was on top of him. Murphy had been climbing on him quite a bit the past two days and Connor loved every minute of it, he wanted his twin on him as much as possible.

Murphy’s eyes traveled across Connor’s face, taking in the features he knew better than his own as his finger traced imaginary lines up and down his cheek. His breath was hot on Connor’s skin, his voice whispery soft. “You have the best face, Connor. Do you know that?”

“As long as you like it, that’s all I care about,” Connor answered quietly as his hands stroked Murphy’s bare sides, ghosting over his skin and feeling goosebumps form under his fingertips. Murphy laughed and squirmed as Connor’s fingers tickled his ribcage and he smiled at Murphy’s reaction; Connor loved every ticklish spot on his brother’s body.

Murphy’s fingers traced down his brother’s cheek and across his smiling lips and Connor kissed his fingertips as they passed over his mouth. Connor watched Murphy’s face as his hand did a tour of Connor’s chest, drawing small circles on his flesh before ending up at Connor’s shoulder.

“Connor? Can I ask you something?” Murphy’s eyes remained on his own hand as he rubbed Connor’s shoulder with his delicate touch, his eyes avoiding his brother’s.

“You can ask me anything, you know that.”

Murphy took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts, his fingers a bit firmer as he massaged the muscle. He had so many questions and so many things he wanted to talk about, some important, some just stupid. But after last night, one question in particular was foremost in his mind. One question he desperately needed answered.

“Conn.....why didn’t you sleep with me last night?”

“What?” Connor half-asked, half-laughed.

Murphy’s fingers abruptly stopped their movement, they froze on Connor’s shoulder as Murphy’s eyes focused on his brother. “I need to know. It’s okay if you just didn’t want to or maybe you had enough of me or maybe…..I don’t know, maybe you just felt funny about it.”

Connor stared back, stunned into silence as he wondered how Murphy could be confused. He thought he’d been clear, he thought Murphy understood why they didn’t go all the way but maybe he needed to hear it again.

“It’s just what I said last night, nothing more, okay? I wanted to but I just didn’t want our first time to be in that shit car. That’s all.”

Murphy smiled as a slight blush formed across his fair skin and travelled down his neck, his head shaking slightly at his brother’s misunderstanding. “I’m not talking about sex, Connor, I know why we waited. I’m talking about when we got home. Why didn’t you sleep in my bed? With me?”

Murphy couldn’t help feeling hurt; he wasn’t trying to get laid last night, he just wanted to fall asleep in Connor’s arms and wake up next to him like he’d done a million times before. But that didn’t happen. Last night Connor left his bed and he needed to know why.

Connor had originally climbed into Murphy’s bed fully intending to stay with him all night but Murphy’s naturally sexy smell was amplified by the rain and his scent teased Connor’s nose with every breath. Murphy’s body clung to him in the darkness like a second skin and when Connor kissed him, Murphy’s lips tasted sweeter than the cheesecake they fed each other earlier that night. Connor wanted to kiss his brother all night long, he wanted to taste him and smell him and touch him, but he knew he’d get lost in Murphy and with their mother in the house, that was far too dangerous. As Connor quietly explained, his voice soft and soothing, Murphy bit his lip in an attempt not to smile.

Connor left Murphy’s warm bed last night because he _had_ to, not because he wanted to.

 

********

 

“What are you doing, Murph?” Connor laughed, his words borderline unintelligible with Murphy’s lips glued to his mouth. After Connor finished his explanation, Murphy pounced on him and covered his face with gentle kisses before moving on to his mouth. But those soft kisses quickly changed into something more heated, something full of passion, something filled with sexual desire and need. “Mmmurphh?”

Murphy didn’t respond, he kept his eyes closed and his mouth open as he shut his brother up with another wet kiss, his tongue silencing Connor’s words. Murphy was still on top of him but he shifted slightly to the side, supporting his weight on his knee and elbow, freeing one hand completely while his other hand stroked Connor’s face.

Murphy needed to touch Connor, it was a need he had since birth and something both twins understood but rarely mentioned. And as much as Murphy needed to touch his twin, Connor needed Murphy’s touch just as badly. Neither brother could go very long without it.

Murphy’s free hand rested on Connor’s bare chest, his fingers playing in the light sprinkling of chest hair that covered his tanned skin. His touch no longer had to be brotherly, Murphy could finally touch him like a boyfriend would touch him, he could touch Connor in a way that wasn’t acceptable before.

His hand glided over Connor’s chest and his fingers paused when they reached a nipple, pulling it gently. Connor felt like he was losing his mind when Murphy rolled his nipple between his fingers, teasing it to a stiff nub before sliding his hand away. He raked his nails on Connor’s chest, intentionally scratching his skin as he slid his hand down to his stomach, squeezing the muscles gently in his grip.

Connor felt his stomach muscles twitch as Murphy worked his hand over his belly…..Murphy’s fingers were pure magic on his skin. Connor’s hand went to Murphy’s head and his fingers worked their way through the tangled mess until he grabbed a fistful of his hair. Connor lifted his head while at the same time pulled his brother’s mouth harder against his lips, needing more of that mouth and tongue, needing more of Murphy.

A week ago, this would only have been one of Murphy’s wet dreams. But this wasn’t a dream, wet or otherwise, this was real. Connor tasted like pure fucking heaven while his body felt like pure fucking sin. And Murphy was ready for sin.

He moved his fingers to the waistband of Connor’s boxers, his skin tingling with the anticipation of what was hidden under that soft cotton. He’d seen Connor’s cock a million times, he stared at it when Connor wasn’t looking, he dreamt of it. And now he was about to touch it…..not to measure it like they’d done when they were 14, not to tuck it back into Connor’s pants after a drunken piss, not even to examine it for injury after Connor got it caught in his zipper just last month.

Murphy was about to touch Connor’s dick for entirely different reasons…..because he was Connor’s boyfriend, because he wanted to get him hot…..but especially because he was hopelessly in love with Connor. He pushed his fingers beneath the elastic waist of his brother’s boxers and just as he felt the scratch of Connor’s pubes, Connor released his hair and the delicious pressure against his mouth stopped.

Connor’s head fell back to the pillow and Murphy stared down at his brother through hooded eyes as he struggled to catch his breath. Connor’s face reflected his pleasant surprise at Murphy’s actions, at where his hand was, at how bold his brother had become. He never expected Murphy to take the lead, he thought he’d be the one to do all the seducing, all the moves, all the planning. But Connor should have known better…..Murphy had taken him into the photo booth, he had climbed on top of Connor repeatedly and Murph had even bought the flavored lube. Murphy had done as much to seduce Connor as Connor had done to seduce Murphy.

“Murph, we can’t.”

“Why not, Connor?” Murphy’s hand stilled, his fingers buried in the hair just above his intended target.

“There’s not enough time and besides that, ma’s home. She might hear.”

As if to emphasize Connor’s point, their mother’s heavy footsteps could be heard below them as she moved about the kitchen. Murphy rolled his eyes.....how typical of his mother, always ruining every fucking thing.

“We can be quiet,” Murphy softly insisted.

Connor made a loud scoffing sound. He knew he couldn’t be quiet, not if he was with Murphy, no fucking way would he be able to contain himself. And he was pretty sure Murph would be the same.

Murphy shifted slightly but he didn’t remove his hand, he left it nestled in the hair between Connor’s legs. He’d keep his hand there until Connor said otherwise.

Murphy wasn’t trying to get laid, that’s where Connor was wrong. He knew there wasn’t enough time to make love, they’d need a lot more than an hour, that’s for sure. What Murphy wanted was something else; he wanted to do something just for Connor.

“I want to make you feel good, Conn,” Murphy confessed with complete honesty, his eyes looking pale blue in the morning light. Murphy could melt Connor with that look; Connor would walk across hot coals just to look into those eyes.

Connor lifted his hand to Murphy’s face, his touch so gentle that Murphy barely felt it. “I’m in my bed with you on top of me, enjoying your kisses. _I feel good, Murph.”_

“But I can make you feel even better,” Murphy whispered as he leaned a little harder against Connor’s body, kissing his chest softly just below his collarbone. His fingers combed through Connor’s pubes as he kissed his chest a second time, hoping to convince his brother.

“Murphy…..” Connor’s voice was pleading, he was weakening, he was close to letting Murphy do whatever the fuck he wanted.

Murphy’s tongue traced a line down to Connor’s nipple and he swirled his tongue over and around it. After thoroughly wetting it, Murphy lifted his head and softly blew his breath on it, watching Connor’s nipple harden.

Connor wanted to make love to Murphy right then and there. But when they finally fucked, Connor wanted to spend hours with his brother, not minutes. He wanted to be completely alone with him and not worry about their mother interrupting. And Connor wanted them both to be as loud as they wanted, not forced into silence.

Murphy wasn’t one to listen to logic when he was trying to get something he wanted, he generally ran on pure emotion. Connor ran on logic but he was too distracted to come up with an argument that would appeal to Murphy’s emotions. Instead, he came up with the only argument he could, the only argument he thought might work.

“There’s not enough time, Murph.”

Murphy lifted his head and glanced at the clock, an evil grin on his face when his eyes returned to his brother. Connor thought he knew everything…..Murphy had to let him know he didn’t.

“There’s more than enough time for a blowjob, Connor.”

Blowjob? Did Murphy just say _blowjob?_

The look on Connor’s face was priceless and Murphy chewed on his lip as he waited for Connor to object. But Connor didn’t protest, Connor silently stared with wide eyes and a shocked expression, stunned into immobility.

Murphy licked his lips and smiled a not so innocent smile, lowering his head back to Connor’s well-defined chest and softly kissing his hardened nipple. Murphy kept his pale blue eyes locked onto Connor’s as he kissed his way slowly down Connor’s chest, his tongue darting out every so often to give Connor’s skin a long lick.

As Connor watched, Murphy slid his hand deeper into his boxers, abandoning the thick hair for the thick cock. Connor took a shuddering breath when Murphy’s fingers grazed his dick and when Murphy lifted it off his thigh, Connor let out a moan from somewhere deep inside his body. Murphy ran his thumb along the shaft, feeling Connor’s dick twitch and start to come to life as a spark of pleasure flashed in Connor’s eyes.

Murphy licked his lips once again and turned his attention to the beautiful thing he held in his hand, eager to see it up close in a hardened state, even more eager to taste it. Connor grabbed his shoulder, pulling at him until he finally turned back.

“Murph…..I can’t take you licking my cock, I won’t be able to be quiet.”

“Just try, Connor.”

But Connor knew better, he already made some loud sounds and Murphy barely touched him. He’d fucking lose it if Murphy sucked his dick.

“Try biting your lip, Connor. Or maybe pressing your mouth into the pillow,” Murphy suggested with an encouraging nod of his head.

Fucking hell, Murphy was so eager to blow him and Connor wanted Murphy to suck him off. But Connor shook his head, if Murphy’s mouth touched any part of his cock, no pillow and no lip biting would muffle his sounds. No fucking way.

“Are you sure you can’t be quiet, Connor? Are you really, _really_ sure?”

Connor sighed, if only he was a mute. “I’m sure, Murph. We can’t take the chance. Ma might hear.”

Murphy looked like Connor took away his new puppy and he pressed his lips together in disappointment, his eyes downcast. Connor almost laughed but caught himself…..he was the one losing out on a dick suck but Murphy looked far more disappointed.

Murphy recovered quickly. He had an idea…..he could still make Connor feel good, maybe not as good as a blowjob but it was something.

“Conn? How about a hand job instead then?” Murphy asked with a shrug of his shoulder and an encouraging pull on the dick he still held. “You’re quiet when you wank and me jerking you off isn’t much different. Ma won’t hear you.”

Connor grinned, his baby brother’s logic made total sense. Plus, he’d reap the benefit of a hand job from the sexiest boy he’d ever seen. “How can I refuse?”

Murphy laughed, “You can’t.”

The mattress bounced as Murphy jostled his position, his hand still holding the weight of his brother’s dick in his palm…..shit, even half-hard Connor’s dick was fucking heavy. He pulled Connor’s cock while rotating his wrist before sliding his hand back down his shaft, his grip tight and his pull firm. He began to stroke him a bit faster as his twin’s prick quickly stiffened, Connor breathing harder with each pull.

Once Connor was completely hard, Murphy released his dick and pulled his hand out of his brother’s boxers, letting the waistband snap loudly against Connor’s stomach.

“Fucking asshole,” Connor grumbled in mock annoyance as his hand reached for Murphy’s lower back, his fingers lazily stroking the skin just above his brother’s waistband.

Murphy wiggled and laughed as the bed bounced a bit more. Connor was teasing one of his ticklish spots, the fucker. “Play fair, Connor.”

“I always play fair, brother mine.”

“Mmmm-hmmm, I know.”

Murphy hooked his thumbs in Connor’s waistband, he wanted those fucking boxers off…..now. Murphy pushed his underwear down, carefully lifting them over the beautiful cock pointed toward the ceiling. Murphy kicked at the blanket that had gathered at their feet and Connor lifted his legs as Murphy pulled his boxers off. Without giving a shit where they landed, Murphy threw them across the room.

“Great throw. They landed on your dresser, dickhead,” Connor reported with a raised eyebrow and his typical smirk.

Murphy glanced over his shoulder and shrugged. “That’s where I wanted them. _Fucker.”_

Murphy’s eyes focused on Connor’s hardness and Connor smirked at how his twin stared. But Murphy couldn’t look away just yet, he saw Connor’s soft dick all the time but he rarely saw it when it was hard. It was so fucking beautiful, it was long and thick and it seemed to practically pulse as it strained toward the sky. Murphy loved Connor’s cock…..every ridge, every vein, every throbbing inch.

Murphy looked back at his brother with the deepest blush Connor had ever seen, his face was practically glowing. “You’re really beautiful, Connor,” Murphy quietly admitted.

As sexy as Murphy was with that shy look, that soft voice and those big fucking blue eyes, Connor just couldn’t wait any longer, his dick was killing him. If Murphy didn’t touch it   
again soon he’d fucking die in this bed. Connor grabbed Murphy’s wrist and jerked him forward, pulling his hand to his dick.

“Fucking touch it already then, Murph.”

Murphy didn’t need to be asked twice, that much was certain. He wrapped his hand around Connor’s length and squeezed as Connor released his wrist. He didn’t know what Connor liked or what got him hot, but he figured they’d like the same thing seeing as they were both boys as well as twins.

Murphy squeezed tightly as he pulled upward on his brother’s dick, twisting his hand and circling the head of Connor’s prick with his thumb before pushing his hand back down the shaft, his hand lightly tapping Connor’s balls on the downstroke. Connor moaned softly and forced himself to keep his eyes open; he wanted to watch his beautiful brother play with his dick. He spread his legs open wider and his breath felt hot in his lungs as Murphy continued at a faster pace, his hand milking Connor in constant motion, his thumb smearing the precum along his shaft.

Murphy smiled at his brother…..Connor’s cock was the hottest thing Murphy had ever seen, let alone felt.

Murphy bent his head and lightly kissed along the red line that marked Connor’s abdomen from where his boxers snapped against his skin, his wet lips soothing the slight sting on Connor’s flesh. When Murphy was done traveling the entire length of the mark, he pushed his lips against his brother’s belly and dragged his mouth across his twitching skin toward his navel.

Murphy licked large circles around Connor’s navel, dipping his tongue inside every few swirls before rewetting it and starting again. Connor’s body was covered in goosebumps and he was starting to sweat, Murphy’s mouth was the perfect fucking tease. Just watching Murphy kiss and lick his stomach was a complete turn-on, let alone how it felt; Connor never imagined a tongue bath could be so fucking sexy.

Connor felt Murphy smile against his skin when he placed his hand on his head…..he needed to touch Murphy and his beautiful fucking hair. Murphy hadn’t yet combed his hair this morning and it was sticking up everywhere, fuck it looked sexy like that, and Connor ran his hand through it, pushing it around and messing it up even more. Between Murphy’s hair, Murphy’s hand and that fucking mouth, Connor was lucky he hadn’t already shot his load.

Murphy’s mouth left Connor’s hot skin when Connor lifted his hips off the mattress and fucked his dick into Murphy’s hand, meeting Murphy’s downstroke with a push up of his hips. Connor worked his hips in direct opposition with his brother’s hand as sweat poured off his body.

“Fucking hell, Murph. _Yessssss.”_

Murphy grabbed that dick with both hands, sliding them up and down, twisting in opposite directions, hand over hand milking his throbbing cock. Connor pressed his head into his pillow and panted, losing himself in the sensation as his hand clenched and pulled Murphy’s hair. Murphy ignored the pain, he focused on giving Connor as much pleasure as he could, watching his face as he neared his peak…..Murphy wasn’t about to miss seeing Connor’s face when he fell apart.

Connor’s hand slid from his hair and he blindly reached for his brother, his fingernails latching onto his forearm and leaving half-moon marks all along his flesh.

When Connor finally came, his body twisted and shook so hard that the bed bounced beneath the twins, his face contorted in pleasure and his eyes rolled to the back of his head. The first jets of cum hit his stomach and he made a sound Murphy never heard before…..it was loud and deep and it sounded like an animal fucking in the wild.

“Shhh, Connor…..Ma will hear,” Murphy quietly warned as his eyes remained glued to his brother’s face in complete fascination. He’d never seen Connor cum before and he looked so fucking beautiful, more beautiful than all his wet dreams combined.

Connor’s body collapsed in a heap on his sweat soaked sheets as the final streams of cum spurted out, coating Murphy’s fingers in hot stickiness.

There was silence downstairs and Murphy held Connor’s prick tight, not daring to even move as they waited to see if their mother heard Connor’s moans. After a torturous moment, the noise downstairs continued and Murphy relaxed his grip.

“Holy shit. That was fucking amazing Murph,” Connor whispered as his eyes slowly opened and attempted to focus on his younger twin. _“You_ were fucking amazing.”

Murphy beamed…..after what he just did for Connor, he _felt_ fucking amazing. Murphy released Connor’s softening dick and he leaned toward his brother’s face, gently kissing his lips.

“And that was only a handjob.”

“God help me,” Connor joked as his hand gently rubbed up and down Murphy’s back. “But next time, it’s my turn to make _you_ feel good. Okay?”

“I just made you cum. _I feel good, Connor.”_

“Mmmmm, not as good as me, Murph. No fucking way.”

Murphy turned to look at his brother’s cum covered belly. He wasn’t worried about next time, he was still focused on this time, and Connor. Murphy glanced back at his brother and caught his eye before he looked back at his belly. Connor knew what Murphy wanted but was too afraid to ask for.

“Go ahead.” Connor’s voice was husky…..he wanted to watch Murphy lick his cum from his body almost as much as Murphy wanted to taste it himself.

Once Connor gave his permission, that was all Murphy needed. He bent his head and licked at Connor’s belly, he’d clean his brother before he’d clean himself. Connor’s cum was still warm as Murphy lapped it up, careful not to miss a drop, his tongue darting into his navel for the drop of cum he saw glistening inside.

Murphy liked Connor’s salty taste, he fucking liked it a lot.

After Connor’s belly was clean, Murphy sucked the cum off his fingers one by one as Connor stared. He knew he was putting on a show for his brother but he just couldn’t help himself…..besides, Connor didn’t seem to mind at all.

With his hands now cleaned of cum, Murphy reached for Connor’s dick and lifted it from his body with his hot hand. It was too soon for Connor to recover and get hard again and Murphy quickly licked his shaft clean before pointing his tongue and licking the last drop of cum from Connor’s slit.

Murphy licked his lips and gently kissed the head of Connor’s dick before carefully returning it to his thigh.

 

*****

 

The horn blasted from the driveway as his mother screamed at him to move his fucking ass. Murphy didn’t take the time to zip his jeans; he just grabbed his shirt, socks and sneakers and ran down the stairs and out the door.

Connor already had the borrowed car running and their mother stood next to it, hands on hips, foot tapping impatiently as she waited for her youngest boy. Murphy moved as fast as he could but for his mother, it was never fast enough.

He paused when he saw the look on her face…..fucking figures, she was in a sour mood today. He just knew she’d have something to say about his hair, or his clothes, or his so-called attitude.....or one of the other million things she always bitched to him about.

“Well look who finally decided to join us. Thought you were gonna lay in bed all day, didja?”

Murphy slowly walked down the porch steps and toward the car, stepping carefully on the gravel in his bare feet as he avoided looking at the scowling woman.

“No, Ma. I was up,” he quietly defended himself.

Her eyes narrowed as she scrutinized him in the way only she could do. Even as he walked, Murphy squirmed with nervousness under her critical glare, he just wanted to get in the fucking car and leave before she started in on him.

“Why is your hair soaking wet?”

Murphy stopped in front of her, he knew better than to keep walking when she talked to him. He kept his eyes on the ground as he shifted from foot to foot, hoping she wouldn’t pick on him too badly today. He’d just had the best morning ever and he didn’t want anything to spoil it, especially his mother.

“I just got out of the shower, Ma.”

“Shower, huh? You better not have been masturbating in there while we waited for you, Murphy. I told you how I feel about that.”

Murphy made a face and rolled his eyes. Why did she always think he was wanking? Just because he was a little late today didn’t mean he was wanking. He was late today for a much better reason.

He glanced at the car and caught Connor’s eye. Connor was watching him from the driver’s seat and giving him a look of apology…..as usual, Connor felt responsible. But it wasn’t his fault, not at all. Murphy should have let him take his shower instead of asking Connor to hold him for “just a few minutes” afterward. Even though they really didn’t have the time, he knew Connor wouldn’t refuse. And he didn’t.

Connor held Murphy just like he asked. Although truth be told, he’d have held him even if he didn’t ask. He’d kissed Murphy’s head, he’d rubbed his back and he’d whispered in his ear how good Murphy made him feel. Murphy didn’t want to let him go, he could have stayed in his arms all day and Connor held him until the last possible minute.

Connor even suggested they shower together, just to save time of course. But Murphy had to refuse. Not because he didn’t want to shower with Connor…..he sure as shit wanted to. But because he couldn’t be with Connor all wet and soapy and not do something more than wash. So Murphy had insisted his brother shower first, Connor was the one all sweaty and that gave Murphy the opportunity to surprise his brother by putting fresh sheets on Connor’s bed.

Their mother was already yelling when Murphy finally stepped out of the shower and Connor did his best to distract her while his twin hurried. But he could only do so much, he could only delay the inevitable for so long.

“Ma, we need to go,” Connor insisted from the car, trying his best to save his brother from further ridicule.

“Zip your pants and get in the car. We’re late because of you.”

Their mother rode in the back seat while Murphy sat next to his brother in the front. Connor drove quickly through the dusty back roads as Murphy bent forward to tie his sneakers, his eyes looking around the car. Connor glanced down at him with a knowing smirk; Connor had thrown everything from the night before into the trunk before their mother could see. When his sneakers were tied, Murphy pulled on his t-shirt and ran his hands through his wet hair, trying to comb it with his fingers.

“That won’t do any good. Your hair is too long.” Murphy was convinced his mother sat in the backseat just so she could see what he was doing and comment on it. She leaned forward and pulled on a thick tuft of his auburn hair, causing Murphy to raise his shoulder defensively and pull away. “You look like a fucking girl,” she mumbled as she sat back.

Connor took his eyes off the road so he could see Murphy’s reaction. His brother had a way of zoning out when their mother started in on him but this time it appeared he wasn’t able to tune her out. Normally, Murphy would be running his hands through his hair until it dried in order to prevent it from sticking out too much. But he wasn’t doing that, he just stared out the window with the strangest look on his face.

“He doesn’t look like a girl, Ma. And I don’t think his hair is too long either. I think it looks nice,” Connor announced loudly, his eyes glaring at his mother in the rearview mirror. Murphy’s hair didn’t just look nice, it looked fucking sexy.

“Don’t you be starting, Connor. It’s bad enough I have one son with an attitude, I don’t need two.”

Connor was about to say something else, he was about to defend his boyfriend some more but Murphy’s warm hand on his arm stopped him, his thumb lightly stroking his skin as his eyes asked him to please stop. Connor arguing with their mother would just make it worse for Murph, they both knew that…..and Connor would never do anything to make things worse for his twin.

Connor pressed a bit harder on the accelerator, trying to get to The Anvil as quick as possible to drop their mother off. She’d gone to church early that morning before the twins woke up so she could get to the pub as soon as it opened…..to help Uncle Sibeal prepare brunch, so she said, but Connor knew better.

“I don’t like you boys wearing sneakers to church. Where are your good shoes, Murphy? I paid good money for them, I expect you to wear them.”

Murphy couldn’t tell her they were in the trunk, probably still soaked from the rain and covered in sand. He wasn’t even sure if that’s where they were actually, he might have left them on the beach, he didn’t remember. And he was fucked if he left them on the beach.

“They’re under my bed, ma. I’ll wear them next week.” If he could find them.

She made a derisive sound from the backseat, “Sneakers to church, hair sticking up everywhere. I don’t like that, Murphy. You look like a bum.”

“No I don’t,” Murphy mumbled as he self-consciously ran his fingers through his hair once again. “And I don’t look like a girl, either.”

Connor wasn’t sure if their mother heard Murphy or not but it really didn’t matter. They’d arrived at The Anvil and she was quickly gone from the car and inside the pub. Gravel flew from the road as they sped toward church; they couldn’t be late or Father O’Shea would insist on meeting with them after mass to discuss their tardiness. And he’d want to meet with them individually.

Connor thought back to the little bit Murphy told him last night about Father O’Shea and their “meetings.” It just didn’t sit right with him, there was something wrong there. Murphy said the priest couldn’t fix him and he’d been convinced he was going to hell…..all because he liked boys. That man had fed his brother poison.

But what bothered Connor more than Murphy’s words, was the look on Murphy’s face when he spoke about it. His face reflected fear and pain…..and something Connor didn’t recognize. Something happened that he wasn’t telling Connor, something fucked up.

Connor glanced at his watch as he sped up a bit more. He’d make sure they weren’t late, there was no fucking way he’d ever let that man be alone with Murphy again.

 

********

 

“I’m telling you Murph, if I don’t drop you off at The Anvil before I return the car Ma will flip the fuck out. You know she will.”

Connor and his fucking logic. Murphy didn’t care if their mother flipped out, he didn’t care if she hit him or even if she shit a brick. That wasn’t worse than anything else she’d ever done so why couldn’t he just fucking stay with Connor? Like he wanted?

Connor was trying to concentrate on driving, not on arguing with his brother. He knew Murphy would give him a hard time as soon as church ended, Murphy would want to stay with him and not go to the pub alone. But as much as Connor wanted Murphy to be with him, he just couldn’t let him stay. Their mother told Connor to drop Murphy off at the pub right after church and if he didn’t do that, she’d take it out on Murph.

“I won’t be that long, I promise. Okay?” Connor tried to placate his twin, he needed Murphy to accept the situation and lighten up. If Murphy walked into the pub with an attitude, their mother would eat him up for lunch. “All I have to do is go back home to empty the trunk, drop the car off and walk to the pub. It’ll be quick as fuck.”

“Well if it’s quick as fuck, then why can’t I stay with you?”

Connor gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter and glanced at his younger half. Telling Murphy no was so fucking hard. And it sure as hell didn’t help that Murphy was looking at him with those big blue eyes, trying to work him and get his way.

“No, Murphy,” Connor sighed, surprising himself that he was strong enough to resist his brother’s efforts. When Murphy looked at him like that, Connor usually caved. “No.”

Murphy hated being told no, especially by Connor. It really ticked him off when he couldn’t get what he wanted. And all he wanted was to stay with Connor, what was the big fucking problem? He could tell Connor wanted him to stay too but he was just being a fucking pussy about their mother.

Connor glanced at his stubborn head-strong brother, knowing that the anger was next.

“You’re being a fucking jerk, Connor. You know that, right?”

Right on time.

“A big. Giant. _Fucking._ Jerk.”

Connor let Murphy go off on a brief tirade about why Connor was such a big fucking jerk, trying not to smile at how childish his twin sounded and at the same time, not taking any of his words to heart. Murphy really wasn’t saying anything that bad, he was just upset.

After Murphy stopped talking, Connor snuck a glance at his passenger. Murphy’s anger had passed and Connor knew the pleading was next.

“Connor, come on. Just let me stay with you, okay? I swear I can handle ma.”

“I know you can. But she’s in a pissy mood and why rile her up more. And I really won’t be that long. You’ll hardly miss me, Murph.”

Connor pulled into the parking lot next to the pub, pulling the car into the first empty space to let Murphy out. “I will too miss you, Connor. Just be super quick, okay?”

“Okay.” Connor watched Murphy get out of the car and give a small wave of his hand before he walked into the pub. At least Murph didn’t have an attitude, he should be okay…..ma wouldn’t pick on him too much and Uncle Sibeal would probably let him sneak a beer or two. Murphy would be perfectly fine.

Connor backed up and headed toward home, away from his twin. Connor didn’t look back at the pub, there was nothing for him to see.....Murphy was already inside.

But if he had looked back, if his eyes had even glanced at the parking lot, he would never have left Murphy alone. He would have taken Murphy with him or stayed himself.

In the back of the parking lot, in the very last space, was a familiar car. A car Connor had seen Murphy riding in a few times. A car that had no business being in this parking lot. A car that belonged to a fucker named Jonathan.


	39. The Anvil

Murphy already missed Connor. One step into the darkened pub and he was lonely for his twin, just like he knew he would be. He should have tried harder to stay with Conn, he might have convinced him if he’d worked him just a bit more. But Connor was in his _‘gotta protect Murphy’_ mode and he barely weakened. But next time would be different, next time Connor would give in, next time Murphy would get his way.

Murphy made his way to the bar, shocked his mother wasn’t sitting her ass on her regular barstool, drinking her usual beer and being loud as fuck. Where the fuck was she anyway? He felt a strange mixture of relief and apprehension before he allowed himself to just enjoy the peace. It would be loud enough once she found him.

He leaned forward on the bar, resting his weight on his forearms as he smiled and waved at his uncle, watching the old man mix a drink. Murphy was unusually patient as he waited for him to turn away so he could lean over the bar and snitch a beer. Uncle Sibeal let him and Connor “sneak” beers quite often, as did their mother, but every once in a while one of them would put a stop to it. And Murphy didn’t want this to be one of those times.

When his uncle finally turned his back on the boy to reach for a bottle of Bushmills, Murphy lifted himself up and rested his belly on the edge of the bar, leaning over and grabbing for a large glass. He twisted his body to maneuver the glass under the beer tap and quickly filled it to the rim before lowering himself back to his feet. His uncle still hadn’t looked his way and Murphy took a quick swallow before hiding the glass just out of sight.

Murphy hated drinking alone, it was no fun without Connor. _Nothing_ was any fun without Connor. Everything was dull, bland and completely without life. Even sneaking beers was fucking boring.

“You look lost without your brother, Murphy,” his uncle observed when he finally came down to greet him as Murphy made himself comfortable on a stool, leaning on the backrest.

“I am lost. He better fucking hurry and get his ass back here.” Murphy didn’t try to hide how much he missed Connor, it was obvious…..why hide it? He’d be lonely until Connor returned and that was a fact.

Sibeal wiped a bit of spilled beer from the bar, knowing it was Murphy who spilled it but deciding to let his nephew have the drink, he couldn’t take it away when he looked this sad. “He’ll be back soon enough, you’ll see.”

“Not soon enough to suit me,” Murphy quietly complained as he watched his uncle run the rag over the counter before tossing it into the bin. He glanced down both sides of the bar before looking back at the man.

“Where’s my ma? She should be here…..she’s the reason I couldn’t stay with Connor.”

“She’s here. She’s sitting in one of the back booths,” he motioned with his head toward the other side of the bar before tapping Murphy’s arm with his finger. “Don’t think she hasn’t been looking for you though, because she has.”

Murphy rolled his eyes, “I bet she has.” She wasn’t done with him today, not by a long shot, that much was certain. Murphy was about to say something more, he was about to ask if his mother had a buzz going or if she was still in a bad mood but before he could ask, his uncle looked away and smiled at a patron approaching from behind Murphy.

“Another round, Jonathan?”

What the fuck did Murphy just hear? No, it couldn’t be, no fucking way. Murphy heard wrong, he had to have. Uncle Sibeal said Jeremy or Joshua or…..or any other fucking name other than fucking _Jonathan._ He just heard wrong, that’s all, he just fucking heard wrong.

“I have to get a fresh keg from the storage room, Murphy. Watch the bar for me, yeah?”

Murphy barely heard his uncle, he was too busy shitting himself to have heard much of anything. He jumped a mile when Sibeal tapped his palm loudly on the bar, pulling the suddenly pale boy from his frantic thoughts. “Did you hear me lad? I said watch the bar.”

Murphy nodded and let his hair fall into his eyes, not bothering to push it away, his shoulders rolling forward in a slight cringe. He was too scared to look at the man standing behind him, he was almost too scared to breathe. He was scared that the one person he wanted to leave him alone, the one person who could destroy his life would have the fucking balls to show up _here._

“It’ll take a couple minutes to tap a new keg,” Sibeal advised the man just over Murphy’s right shoulder, the man who purposefully stood close enough for Murphy to feel his body heat. “Murphy, be a good lad and keep Jonathan company until I get back.”

Shit, Murphy hadn’t heard wrong; the man’s name was Jonathan. But that didn’t mean anything, it meant absolutely nothing. Lots of guys were named Jonathan…..lots and lots. Okay, so Murphy only knew one guy with that name but there were plenty of others, the name wasn’t that uncommon.

Murphy’s eyes followed his uncle as he walked away, wishing he’d been asked to get the keg so he could have time to think. The man behind Murphy shifted closer and he rested his arm along the back of Murphy’s stool, his spicy cologne now reaching Murphy’s nose. Murphy knew that smell, he knew it all too well…..it used to cling to his hair after he’d spent time with the man he once called his current.

“Hello, Murphy.”

 

********

 

Only a few moments had passed since he left Murphy at the pub, barely a handful of heartbeats since he last saw him yet for Connor, it felt like hours. He hated being separated from his brother, it was difficult in every sense but now it was even more pronounced. Now he wasn’t just separated from his brother, he was separated from his boyfriend, his love, his Murph.

Shit, he still couldn’t believe Murphy practically attacked him this morning. It was so fucking sexy to have Murphy want to give him a blowjob, he tried so hard to talk Connor into it and he’d almost done it too. But that handjob….. _holy fuck,_ that handjob was incredible. Just having Murph’s hand in his boxers was a thrill but when he actually touched his dick, when Murphy jerked him off and made him shudder and shake, Connor almost lost his mind. Connor hadn’t cum like that since.....since…..well, since forever. He couldn’t even fathom how intense his orgasm would have been if his twin had sucked him off.

_Murphy…..sucking him off._ Jesus, Connor wanted Murphy to suck his dick. His hand went to the bulge in his jeans and he shifted his cock, trying to give his thickening dick more room. Murphy’s mouth only touched his dick to clean the cum from it and even though Connor wouldn’t have been able to get hard again that quickly, Murphy’s wet tongue still felt amazing. Watching Murphy lick him clean and seeing the delight in his eye while he did it would give Connor wet dreams for months.

As Connor’s hand returned to the steering wheel, he pictured Murphy’s face when he told Connor his cock was beautiful. No one ever said that to him before and his twin’s soft adoration excited him beyond belief. Murphy’s eyes held the tiniest hint of moisture, his face the deepest crimson blush, his voice the slightest tremor. That was the moment Connor almost lost all control and attacked Murphy himself. Not because his dick was throbbing, not because he just wanted to _fuck_ already, not even because he knew that’s what Murphy wanted and wouldn’t say no. Connor almost lost control because of love…..boundless love that was staring him straight in the eye.

Connor himself had never been in love, not with anyone, not with Brian and certainly not with Katie. But Murphy…..Murphy was different. Murphy was his love, Murphy was his everything. Connor never felt this way before, it wasn’t the familiar brotherly feeling he’d had all his life, this was different. This was all that and more. He didn’t even know how to describe it because words would only diminish his feelings. All he knew was, he had fallen in love with his brother. Hopelessly and completely in love with Murphy.

 

********

 

“Aren’t you even going to say hi?” that smooth voice asked with a touch of amusement, a hint of irritation and an overabundance of flirtation, his fingers drumming loudly on the back of Murphy’s barstool. Jonathan leaned closer to Murphy, his voice in a conspiratorial whisper. “I miss your shy little greetings, Murphy.”

“Why are you here?” Murphy wasn’t going to play his fucked up game, he wasn’t going to be manipulated to do what Jonathan wanted, even if it was just saying hi.

Jonathan sat in the barstool next to Murphy, turning to face the boy he still wanted and ached for, the boy he still wanted to fuck. His eyes leisurely ran over Murphy’s profile, pausing to stare at the lower lip Murphy was nervously gnawing between his teeth…..that full lip Jonathan so enjoyed sucking.

“Quit staring at me,” Murphy commanded, trying to sound forceful although Jonathan knew better.

“Not until you look at me and say hi. I’ll stop staring once you say hi.”

Fucking manipulative asshole. Murphy lifted his glass to his lips, trying to find some liquid courage while at the same time, buying himself time to think. He needed Jonathan to stop staring, it looked weird and people would notice…..his family would notice, if they hadn’t already. Murphy didn’t want to dignify Jonathan’s presence at all, but what choice did he have? The only way to get Jonathan to stop staring was to swallow his pride and do what he wanted.

Murphy lowered his glass to the bar and licked the beer foam from his lip, turning in his stool to glare at the prick next to him. _“Hi._ Now stop staring at me. Fucking asshole.”

“That wasn’t so hard now, was it?” Jonathan immediately responded in his superior, condescending manner.

Murphy foolishly expected Jonathan to keep his promise, to look away. But he didn’t. Jonathan tilted his head and kept his eyes glued to the angry face staring back at him, his lips curled upward in a smile.

“Oh Murphy. You’re so fucking easy,” he said with a slight chuckle and a shake of his head. “But you always were. That’s what I like about you.”

That soft laughter that used to give Murphy a spark of excitement now gave him a jolt of anger. Murphy should have known getting him to say hi was just a fucking game Jonathan was playing, some sort of power trip or mind fuck. He wanted to punch Jonathan in his fucking throat.

“Why are you here?” he asked again through clenched teeth, his voice quieter. He quickly glanced around; luckily no one was close enough to hear their conversation.

“Is this your uncle’s pub? The one you told me about that day you stood me up?” Jonathan tried to sound innocent but failed miserably. He remembered the name of the pub, he’d made a point to commit it to memory.

“You know fucking well it is.”

Jonathan shrugged his shoulders and leaned his elbow on the bar, reaching for a pretzel in a nearby bowl. “You had me a bit distracted that day. But I do remember kissing you on the road and then taking you back to my house. You were so nervous taking your pants off, I didn’t think you’d get your belt undone.”

Jonathan snickered and popped pretzels into his mouth as he fondly remembered that day; he could still picture this shy boy undressing in front of him. Murphy glanced to the back booth in a near panic, his ma was too busy drinking to even look his way, thank God.

“Relax, Murphy, no one heard what I said. No one’s paying any attention to us.”

Murphy’s anger gave way to fear, fear that clutched his heart in its bony grip and squeezed tight. Jonathan didn’t give a fuck who knew he was gay, he was very open about it actually. But Murphy gave a fuck. Murphy wasn’t open at all, no one knew he liked boys, no one but Connor. No one in town knew, no one in school knew, no one in this bar knew. Uncle Sibeal didn’t know and his ma didn’t count, she thought he was “fixed” by that priest. No one fucking knew and Murphy wanted to keep it that way.

“Just….. just…..stop, Jonathan.”

Jonathan chewed slowly as he seemed to soften under Murphy’s pleading look and soft voice. He reached for Murphy’s beer and lifted it to his lips, pausing to see if Murphy would stop him but Murphy stayed silent. He didn’t give a shit if Jonathan drank all his beer as long as he shut the fuck up. Jonathan kept his eyes glued to the nervous boy as he drank half the glass and slowly returned it to the bar.

“Say please.”

Murphy would do anything to make Jonathan stop…..saying “please” didn’t seem that bad, not in the grand scheme of things. It was only one small word, one lone syllable that meant to Murphy a stoppage of the threat while to Jonathan it meant further control. 

“Please, Jonathan. _Please.”_

Jonathan brushed the pretzel crumbs from his hands and smiled at how easily Murphy said please…..and twice yet. This must be of critical importance to the stubborn boy, otherwise he wouldn’t have caved so quickly.

“I never could resist you Murphy. All right…..I’ll stop.”

Murphy glanced over his shoulder, seeing his uncle returning with the untapped keg, the old man cursing as he moved it toward the bar. Sibeal was slow as fuck, it would be at least another ten minutes before he had the keg tapped. Murphy’s voice was hushed as he nervously asked, “You didn’t say anything to anyone, did you? About us?”

Jonathan shook his head, swearing no one but Connor and a couple of his friends knew. Jonathan was discreet…..just like he promised Murphy when they first met.

“I knew this was your uncle’s bar, Murphy, but I’m here with other people, okay? Seeing you is just a bonus.”

Murphy scoffed and looked down at the bar top, his fingers running along the side of the smooth laminated surface. “You’re so full of shit, Jonathan, you really are.”

“It’s the truth Murphy, I really am here with other people. I’m actually spending time with my current’s family.”

Murphy looked back at Jonathan in surprise…..Jonathan has a new current? _Already?_ It was only a couple days since they broke up and he thought he meant more to the man. The way Jonathan talked, the way he had acted when they were together, the way he kissed him…..but maybe Jonathan’s feelings were only superficial. Maybe it was more lust than love.

Relief spread through Murphy in a wave and his body visibly relaxed. Jonathan was with somebody new…..this was a great, great thing. This meant Jonathan wasn’t obsessed, he’d leave Murphy and Connor alone. Maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay. Maybe they could even be friends.

Jonathan misunderstood the look on Murphy’s face, he mistook the boy’s shocked expression for something more. Jonathan smiled and patted him on his shoulder, enjoying touching him once again.

Murphy grinned back; he wasn’t bothered by Jonathan’s touch seeing as Jonathan was dating someone else now. Besides, it was just his hand on his shoulder, it meant nothing, absolutely nothing. “You have a new current, huh? I’m happy for you, Jonathan.”

“Thank you. But it’s nice to see you still care.” When Murphy didn’t pull away, Jonathan squeezed his shoulder, his thumb stroking Murphy through his shirt. Jonathan leaned forward and whispered, “I actually thought you hated me.”

“No, Jonathan,” Murphy denied softly, surprised by Jonathan’s words. “I don’t hate you.” He decided not to tell him he didn’t care though, that seemed rather pointless and mean, even though it was true. “I just wish it could have been different, you know?” Murphy didn’t think he needed to explain, he thought Jonathan understood he felt bad for hurting him.

“Me too,” Jonathan responded as his hand casually slid to Murphy’s bicep, his index finger lightly teasing the bare skin as Jonathan watched for goose bumps. When a wave of them spread across the pale flesh, Jonathan chuckled softly, his face filled with delight. “Still ticklish, Murphy.”

Murphy glanced down to his arm, to the finger lightly rubbing him and he suddenly felt dirty, violated and uncomfortable. Why the fuck was Jonathan touching him…..like _this?_ Murphy leaned back in his stool, his arm pulling away from Jonathan’s caressing finger.

Jonathan sighed and patted Murphy on the knee before he sat back in his own stool, a scornful look on his face as he motioned to the room. “So where’s your boy toy Connor? Shouldn’t he be here looking after you?”

Murphy chose to ignore the “boy toy” comment, he wouldn’t be goaded into an argument. Not in his uncle’s bar, anyway. “He’s on his way.”

“He better be.”

“What’s that mean?”

Jonathan shrugged, trying to appear indifferent as he glanced around the room. “Nothing…..I’m just surprised he isn’t here protecting you from the likes of me.”

“I don’t need protection from you Jonathan, I can take care of myself. Besides, you have a new current, right?”

Jonathan nodded slowly, his eyes drilling into Murphy’s. “My current is _amazing._ Absolutely _fucking_ amazing.”

Jonathan had described Murphy as ‘amazing’ to his friend on the phone and now he was describing this new boyfriend the same way. Murphy nodded, the awkwardness of the moment lingering before deciding to ask Jonathan about his new guy; he needed to be sure Jonathan wasn’t talking about him. “What’s your current like, Jonathan?”

Jonathan took a deep breath, his eyes doubtful as he shifted in his seat. “You sure you want to hear about him?”

“Yeah…..why not? We’re friends, right?” Murphy didn’t have feelings for Jonathan so hearing about his new current held no significance. To Murphy, it was merely conversation.

“Friends…..sure.” Jonathan was silent for a moment as he gathered his thoughts on the boy he considered his current, the boy he still wanted above all others, the boy he planned to keep. “All right, let’s see. My current is young, rather shy but very sexy. He has thick auburn hair that I love to fucking grab and he makes these sexy little sounds when we kiss that get me rock hard.”

Murphy shifted in his seat, it sounded like Jonathan was talking about him. It wasn’t conceit; he’d heard Jonathan use those exact words when recently describing him. But then again, maybe Jonathan just had a type…..that was likely, everyone has a type. After all, when they first met, Jonathan reminded him of Connor…..and Connor was Murphy’s type. Jonathan just has a type, that’s all.

“What else can I tell you?” Jonathan looked toward the ceiling, his hand stroking his chin as he considered his words. “I promised to be discreet but it’s very hard seeing as he’s playing games. All I’ll say is, my current better not have used any of that lube or condoms he recently purchased.”

Murphy swallowed hard…..Jonathan was talking about _him_ this entire time. Jonathan didn’t have a new boyfriend, there was no _new_ current…..only Murphy. Murphy glanced toward the back booth, toward his ma. Jonathan said he was spending time with his current’s family, that would mean Murphy’s family…..his ma. Murphy didn’t yet know Jonathan had been coming to The Anvil for the past week, not just the past hour.

Murphy felt sick…..Jonathan spent time with his mother. What did they talk about? What did he say to her? And why would he do that?

“Jonathan. I’m not your current anymore,” Murphy’s voice trembled as he spoke. He had no idea what Jonathan was capable of…..none at all.

“You’re my current until I say otherwise.” Jonathan locked eyes with Murphy as he leaned forward, his clenched fist resting on the bar, the vein in his forehead pulsing with his rapid heartbeat. “And Murphy….. _you better still be a fucking virgin.”_

 

********

 

Connor wanted to get back to Murphy as quick as possible but it was taking fucking forever. Damn it, he’d been trapped behind this slow truck for the past mile, the fucker just wouldn’t speed up. Connor should already be done at the house and heading back to town, heading back to his love, but _noooo,_ he wasn’t even home yet.

He could just picture his brother right now. Murph was probably looking back and forth between the clock and the door just waiting for him to return, wondering where the fuck he was. Probably biting his thumbnail. Or his lip. Or both.

Connor sighed…..he really hated making Murphy wait. But when he finally walked into the pub, it would be worth the headache, aggravation and all the delay. Just seeing Murphy’s face, just hearing his voice, made it all worthwhile. Even though they’d be in a crowded pub where they couldn’t act like the boyfriends they were, he’d still be with Murph. They’d be together.

After what seemed a torturous eternity, Connor finally pulled into his driveway and skidded to a stop in front of his house. He quickly emptied the trunk before looking toward the sky with a furrowed brow. He just had the strangest feeling, the deepest disturbance, the darkest shiver. Murphy called out to him in his mind. Something was wrong…..Murphy needed him.

Connor jumped into the car and with tires screeching and rubber burning, he sped back to the pub as fast as the car would allow.

 

********

 

_Connor.....where the fuck are you, Connor?_

Murphy wanted to go home. He needed to get away from the man eye fucking him from across the room before someone noticed. But instead, he was trapped in a booth listening to his mother tell him how much she liked his friend Jonathan, how nice he was and what a good influence he would be on Murphy. If she only saw the look Jonathan was now giving him, she might change her mind.

Jonathan was still at the bar, his eyes locked onto his nervous target as he finished the beer Murphy had abandoned. He turned his stool to face their booth, not giving a shit if anyone saw him staring…..he’d stare as long as he wanted. Murphy was his.

Murphy squirmed in his seat, he felt Jonathan’s eyes all over his body and it made his skin crawl. He felt naked and dirty, like a thousand hands were touching him against his will, a thousand hands that all belonged to Jonathan.

He couldn’t believe he’d ever let Jonathan touch him, what the fuck was he thinking? It felt like a bad dream or some fucked up nightmare. He wished that’s all it was but he still bore the fading visual proof of his own stupidity on his neck. Murphy pulled nervously on his collar, taking care to keep his head tilted away from his mother while he did so. He’d been lucky so far…..she hadn’t noticed the hickeys and he wanted to keep it that way.

Murphy stole a quick glance to the bar and met Jonathan’s stare. They silently watched each other from across the room, Jonathan’s brazen eyes reflecting an innate hunger for the boy he was studying, Murphy’s eyes wary and full of distrust. Murphy felt his cheeks begin to blush but he couldn’t look away, not from those intense eyes that seemed to hypnotize him.

Jonathan’s hand lazily stroked his neck, pausing on various parts of his unmarked skin. Murphy instantly understood what he was doing, Jonathan was such a fucking prick. Jonathan was touching his neck in the exact same spots that corresponded to Murphy’s hickeys…..the hickeys Jonathan had given him.

Murphy had been blinded by Jonathan’s charm, he’d been flattered by his attention and he’d been attracted to his good looks. He never saw the real person beneath that shameless façade. He didn’t see the possessive prick, the controlling bastard, until it was too late. And now all he wanted to do was get as far away from Jonathan as he could. Murphy was finally able to look away and he looked desperately at his mother, hoping for escape.

“I-I don’t feel good, Ma. Can I go home?” He’d already been told ‘no’ twice in the past few minutes but he had to try again. And he really didn’t feel good, it wasn’t a lie at all, he felt sick. Jonathan made him sick.

His ma narrowed her eyes as she studied his face and she reached across the table, pushing the hair from his forehead and pressing her hand against his skin. She slid her hand to his cheek and cupped his face as she evaluated her boy’s condition.

Of course she told him no; Murphy really didn’t expect her to let him leave anyway. He didn’t have a fever, he didn’t barf. He didn’t look sick at all, just a bit more pale than usual. He’d asked to leave too many times with too many excuses…..he should have started out with the sick excuse. He’d fucked himself and now he had to stay and suffer through it.

“Our Murphy isn’t sick, is he?” Jonathan addressed Annabelle while keeping his eyes on Murphy.

_Our Murphy?_ What the fuck was that? If Murphy wasn’t sick before, he was sick now that Jonathan was standing next to their table, looking down at him with fake concern and an even faker smile.

Jonathan set glasses and a pitcher of beer on the table as Annabelle explained Murphy was probably just hungry, seeing as he laid in bed too long this morning and missed breakfast.

Jonathan laughed as Annabelle spoke, studying Murphy with an amused expression. “I bet he has a very comfortable bed, Annabelle. If I was in that bed, I would never leave it.”

“Then I’d have two lazy bums on my hands,” she joked back with a loud laugh, not realizing what Jonathan actually meant, not realizing how overtly sexual that comment really was. But Murphy fucking knew.

The next few minutes Murphy listened to Jonathan charm his mother, impressing her with his attention, even pouring her fucking beer for her. Jonathan was so transparent, it was so obvious what he was doing but Annabelle didn’t seem to recognize it. Murphy watched his mother eat up every fucking word Jonathan said…..just like her son had.

“Can I sit with you?” Jonathan leaned over Murphy, resting one hand on the back of the leather booth behind Murphy’s head while his other hand was flat on the table. Murphy recognized the flirty tone in Jonathan’s voice, the subtle leer directed his way, the overt lust.

Murphy scoffed, he knew better…..Jonathan was only asking permission because Annabelle was there. Jonathan didn’t ask, Jonathan took…..he took what he wanted with a nice smile and a smooth voice, like he was trying to do now.

_“No…..you can’t sit with me.”_

Murphy loved the shocked look on Jonathan’s face, it was obvious the man expected him to give up without a fight. But more than being shocked, Jonathan was stunned into immobility. Until Annabelle unknowingly came to his rescue.

The smug self-satisfied look on Jonathan’s face grew with each word Annabelle spoke. She chastised her youngest son for his rude behavior before apologizing to Jonathan on his behalf. And when she told Murphy to make room for Jonathan, to slide down and let his friend sit next to him, Murphy actually cringed.

He stared at his mother with wounded eyes as he weighed his options. He really shouldn’t be hurt, she didn’t know his history with Jonathan. To Annabelle, Jonathan was just a nice man. She didn’t know Jonathan did a complete mind fuck on him, he bruised and tormented Murphy…..Jonathan called her baby a sick fuck. But she didn’t know any of that. She was a victim of Jonathan’s charm the same as he was.

Murphy considered telling his mother everything about him and Jonathan; just telling her once and for all that he was gay and Jonathan was his ex-boyfriend. Maybe it would be different this time, maybe she could handle it better than when she caught him with that gay porno, maybe this time she wouldn’t send him to that priest.

But telling her about Jonathan meant telling her about Connor as well. Jonathan was vindictive, he was ruthless and unforgiving. If Murphy didn’t tell his mother about him and Connor, Jonathan would. He’d do it just for spite and Murphy couldn’t let that happen. It would ruin Connor’s life and their ma might even send Connor to Father O’Shea to get “fixed.” Murphy would do anything to protect Connor from that priest…..he’d do anything at all. He’d even play Jonathan’s sick games.

Murphy had no choice, Jonathan won again and Murphy did what his mother told him to do. He slid to the side to make room for Jonathan, stopping when his shoulder reached the concrete wall on his right. As he waited for the man to join him in the cramped booth, he looked up into the eyes he once loved, the eyes he used to get lost in. Jonathan’s voracious appetite was still there, his desire, his lust…..Jonathan still wanted him. The look in his eye sent a shiver up Murphy’s spine and he quickly looked down at the table; Murphy didn’t like what he saw.

Jonathan smiled when Murphy complied with his mother’s order and he quickly slid into the small booth before Murphy could rethink his position. Murphy sat unmoving, the cold cement wall on his right and the hot wall of Jonathan on his left. Jonathan leaned against him and bumped his shoulder gently into his arm, reminiscent of when they first met. When Murphy didn’t respond, Jonathan repeated the shoulder bump with a bit more force, pushing him for a reaction.

Jonathan was trying to be cute, he was trying to flirt with Murphy right in front of his mother and he wasn’t about to let Murphy ignore him.

Murphy glared at him from the corner of his eye, saying the two words he’d often said to the man.

“Stop, Jonathan.”

But this time Murphy’s voice wasn’t laced with tantalizing teases. It wasn’t filled with playful affection or seductive innuendoes. This time Murphy meant what he said. This time he wanted Jonathan to stop.

 

********

 

The tires of the borrowed car screeched loudly as Connor pulled into the parking lot at full speed, practically tipping the car over from the sheer force of the turn. He pulled into the very same spot as the hour prior, the spot where he’d dropped off his brother.

He was supposed to return the car before meeting Murphy, his friend was waiting across town for the car to be returned but Connor didn’t want to spare the time. Not when he was plagued with such a disquieting feeling, not when he was certain Murphy needed him. Returning the car could wait forever…..Murphy was first.

As he vaulted from the vehicle, his eyes were drawn to a shiny car almost hidden in the back of the parking lot. That car was too clean and too fucking flashy to be here, it stuck out like a sore thumb but somehow Connor had missed it earlier. He’d been distracted by his brother, Connor never even looked at any of the cars, his eyes only saw Murph.

Connor slowly approached the car and the closer he got, the more certain he was. He knew this fucking car and he knew the piece of shit it belonged to. And if it was parked here, at The Anvil, it meant that fucker Jonathan was in the pub. With Murph.

 

********

 

Murphy cleared his throat and fidgeted in his seat, trying to twist away from the hand that continued to paw at his thigh. He used to love how large and masculine Jonathan’s hands were, Murphy even told him as much, but now those same hands repulsed him.

Murphy was trapped between a cold wall and a hard body, trying to fight off the hand under the table without his mother knowing, trying desperately to make Jonathan stop. No one could see Jonathan’s hand on his leg; the table and Jonathan himself obscured the view…..only a person standing right next to Jonathan would be able to see.

Jonathan kept Annabelle entertained with his pointless stories, his drivel, his inane conversation. He expertly kept her focus on him and not her youngest child as his hand fought for dominance and control. Murphy pulled at his fingers, he scratched at his skin but with every attempt to free his leg, Jonathan’s fingers only seemed to cling tighter, his hand stroking Murphy’s entire thigh practically at will.

Jonathan shoved his hand between Murphy’s legs and grabbed his inner thigh in his tight grip, pushing the back of his hand into Murphy’s bulge and grinding hard against his cock. Murphy jumped in his seat like he’d been zapped with an electric current and he clutched at Jonathan’s wrist, trying unsuccessfully to keep it from grinding any further.

It was bad enough Jonathan was touching his leg and squeezing his knee but _this_ …..this was too fucking much. Murphy felt his dick react, it twitched and throbbed…..he couldn’t resist direct stimulation _there,_ he just couldn’t.

“What’s your problem, Murphy?” Annabelle finally noticed something was wrong with her son, Murphy didn’t jump like that for no reason. “Murphy? What’s wrong?”

Jonathan’s hand stopped its torturous movement as he turned to look at the boy whose heavy cock rested against his hand, a sly smile on his face as he casually licked his lips and waited.

Murphy looked from his mother to Jonathan and back again, his fingers shifting on Jonathan’s wrist but not letting go. He couldn’t tell his ma what was going on, he couldn’t tell her he was being fondled under the table and growing harder by the second. He couldn’t tell her anything.

“Nothing, Ma. I’m fine.”

Jonathan shoulder bumped him with a devious chuckle, the action allowing his hand to press firmly into Murphy’s cock as he moved his hand in a leisurely movement, the renewed grinding causing Murphy’s breath to hitch.

“Relax, Murphy. Don’t be so jumpy,” Jonathan said in a soothing voice, easily misleading Annabelle to think Murphy was jumpy from the shoulder bump alone.

“Jonathan…..please stop,” Murphy said in a breathless whisper as sweat broke out across his body.

Jonathan was getting hard himself just toying with Murphy, it was exciting to have Murphy fight him, to watch him try to hide his growing excitement, to have him say please once again.

Jonathan wondered if he could get Murphy to cum right here in the booth.

Murphy couldn’t stop it, he didn’t want to get hard but he couldn’t _not._ His dick had thickened and grown in his trousers, he could feel his precum wetting his boxers as his cock ached for more stimulation. He didn’t know what to do, he couldn’t get Jonathan to stop, Murphy wasn’t strong enough and Jonathan wasn’t fucking listening. And by the look on Jonathan’s face and the movement of his hand, he wasn’t about to stop any time soon.

 

********

 

The first thing Connor saw when he walked into the pub was Murphy’s face. It was pure instinct, Connor didn’t have to try to find him, his eyes just knew where to go to find his soul mate.

Connor was alarmed by the look on Murph’s face, his protective instinct surging. What the fuck was going on? Murphy was sitting in a booth with that fucker right next to him, allowing that asshole to lean against his body. Why would Murphy do that? _He wouldn’t_ …..unless he had no choice, unless he was trapped.

Their ma was with them, sitting across from Jonathan and talking to the man while Murphy looked like he was about to pass out. She was why Murphy tolerated Jonathan. Murph couldn’t tell him to fuck off with their ma there, she would demand a full explanation. An explanation Murphy could never provide.

Connor’s eyes focused on Jonathan, narrowing with complete hatred and disgust. That prick was practically drooling over Murphy, obviously enjoying his little game. This was just a way for Jonathan to be close to Murph one more time and all Connor could think about was how he wanted to beat him to a fucking pulp.

Connor stared at his brother’s face as he approached the booth, concern etched across his features. Murphy didn’t see him coming, he didn’t even look up like he usually did when Connor was near, Murphy’s blue eyes didn’t search for his twin. Instead, he stared at the table, sweat beaded across his brow, his face flushed.

As Connor reached the table, as he stood looking down at the group, he now understood why Murphy was so distracted. He finally saw what Jonathan was doing, where his hand was, what he was touching.

That mother fucker.

 

********

 

Murphy looked up to see Connor staring between his legs…..at his obvious erection…..at Jonathan’s hand _on_ his obvious erection. No, no please, don’t let Connor see what’s happening. He didn’t want Connor to see what Jonathan was doing to him, what he was powerless to stop.

Connor was furious, his face was beet red and the veins in his neck stuck out more than Murphy had ever seen before. Connor was doing his best to stay in control and not lose his shit all over the fucker touching his boyfriend. He didn’t like Jonathan to begin with and the fact that his hand was in the place Connor had yet to touch made his blood boil. Murphy’s knuckles were white, his hand was shaking as he continuously tried to stop the assault.

“Conn,” Murphy quietly called his name, drawing Connor’s eyes to his brother’s pleading gaze as he tried to calm his twin with his soft voice. As horrendous as Jonathan’s aggressive onslaught was, if Connor freaked out it would be even worse. The whole town would find out about them, not only that both twins liked boys but that they were a couple. And that would be the end of everything. Connor and Murphy would be over before they’d really begun.

But Connor couldn’t let this continue. He couldn’t let Murphy be molested right in front of his eyes. He had to protect what was his. But how could he do that and not “out” their love, their relationship?

“I’m glad you’re here, Connor. Murphy’s sick and he needs to go home,” their mother miraculously provided Connor with the answer to his problem…..a reason to get Murphy out of the literal hands of his ex, a way to release him from the claws of Jonathan.

Annabelle truly thought Murphy was ill, he’d told her he didn’t feel good and now he was sweating and breathing funny. He needed to go home and be put to bed before he got worse. She never once suspected what the actual truth was, she never thought for a moment her child was being groped right in front of her. If she had realized what was happening, if she knew, Jonathan would never walk out of the pub alive.

It wasn’t abnormal for Connor to take care of Murphy when he was sick, it was more common than not, and with Annabelle’s work shift not yet started the responsibility would naturally fall on Connor’s sturdy shoulders.

But Jonathan had other plans. “If Murphy’s sick, he really shouldn’t be walking home, Annabelle. Why don’t you have lunch with Connor and I’ll take care of Murphy?”

“I want Connor,” Murphy said loudly, finding his voice, demanding his twin.

Jonathan did his best to convince Annabelle he should be the one to take Murphy home, all the while his hand still firmly in place over Murphy’s cock like he owned it. His car was right outside, he could have Murphy home in a few minutes and he’d put him straight to bed, he’d even stay with Murphy until he felt better. Besides, Murphy might get sicker if he walked home in this heat.

Jonathan’s argument made sense to Annabelle. She was about to agree with Jonathan, she was about to tell Murphy to go with him but then Connor spoke up. He still had the borrowed car and he’d take Murph home. He’d put Murphy to bed and he’d stay with him. Like he always did.

It was instantly settled. Annabelle thanked Jonathan for his offer but Connor should be the one to take care of his brother. It was Connor’s place, not Jonathan’s. She told the twins to wait one minute while she got soup for them to take home and she quickly made her way to the kitchen.

“Get your fucking hand off my brother,” Connor spat into Jonathan’s face, his voice quiet but still full of venom. He was prepared to rip Jonathan off his brother and toss him out the door if he had to.

Jonathan released Murphy for the first time since he’d slid into the booth and Murphy exhaled loudly, dropping his head slightly in relief as his hands flattened on the table. His fingers ached and they felt numb from gripping Jonathan’s wrist and he spread his fingers out to try to get the circulation back.

Jonathan smirked, he’d had his fun for the day, he’d felt up his current. He glanced at Murphy and waited for the boy to look back at him but Murphy just stared at his hands, trying to force his cock to soften through sheer will.

“Remember what I told you, Murphy,” Jonathan mumbled as he slid from the booth. “I’ll be seeing you soon.”

“Fuck off, Jonathan,” Murphy managed to respond, lifting his head and glaring at him through his sweat soaked hair. “Stay away from me.”

Jonathan turned to walk away but Connor grabbed him by his arm and turned him back to face him. “You listen to me, mother fucker….”

“Connor, don’t.” Murphy stopped him, reaching across the booth and grabbing at his arm, tugging hard to get his brother’s attention.

“Excuse me?” Connor responded, not letting go of Jonathan but now looking at his twin, blind rage in his eyes. He wanted to rip Jonathan apart limb by limb. “What the fuck did you just say Murph?”

“Conn…..not here. Let him go.”

Connor glanced around, a few people had started to pay attention to them when he grabbed Jonathan’s arm. He looked back at his brother, his love. How could Connor not beat the shit out of Jonathan after what he did? How could Murphy tell him to stop? How could Connor not kill Jonathan right where he stood?

“Let him go, Conn.”

Connor’s eyes didn’t leave his brother as his hand released the prick known as Jonathan. Connor listened to his twin, this wasn’t the right place.

Jonathan wasn’t stupid, he quickly walked away from the twins before Connor rethought his position and disregarded his brother’s appeal. As he left he put on a hell of a fucking show, happily waving goodbye to Sibeal and kissing Annabelle on her cheek when she exited the kitchen. He tried to delay her return to the twins but the stout woman could not be dissuaded. She quickly dismissed him from the pub in favor of her boys.

After quick instructions to put Murphy straight to bed and call her if he worsened, she kissed both boys on the head and walked them to the door, passing the bagged soup to Connor.

“I’ll take good care of him, Ma, don’t you worry. Connor’s on the case.”

As Connor pulled out of the parking space and they began the drive toward home, he kept his eyes on the rearview mirror. Murphy glanced at his brother, knowing what he was looking at.

“He’s following us, isn’t he?”


	40. Make Him Stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains references to childhood sexual abuse. It does not go into great detail nor does it dominate the chapter but I still felt a warning was appropriate.

“Don’t look, Murph.”

But he had to look, he had to know. Murphy had to see for himself if it really was Jonathan following them. Connor could be wrong, he didn’t know Jonathan’s car, not really. He’d only seen it once or twice in passing; he couldn’t have gotten a good look at it. But Murphy knew the car. He’d ridden in it, he’d spent hours talking to Jonathan in it…..he’d even kissed the man in it. Murphy would know Jonathan’s car anywhere.

_He had to look._

Murphy turned his head to look over his shoulder as his brother sighed loudly in annoyance, Murphy’s eyes focusing on the vehicle trailing close behind them. He fucking knew it. Of course it was Jonathan behind them, who else would it be?

Jonathan must have waited around the corner for him to leave the pub, he must have been watching for him…..stalking him. He hid in the shadows like a fucking cockroach and Murphy never even noticed him, he didn’t feel his lingering presence or the weight of his possessive stare. He’d been completely oblivious…..and that was fucking creepy. An involuntary shudder swept through Murphy’s body with this realization. Had Jonathan done this before? Had he watched him without Murphy knowing he was there? Had he been stalked?

“You just had to look, didn’t you?” Connor couldn’t believe what was happening, he felt like his head was about to explode when he saw his twins’ reaction to seeing that fucker’s car. It was bad enough that asshole was all over Murphy in the pub, it was bad enough Jonathan touched him the way Connor ached to do…..and it was the worst thing ever that he got Murph hard. But to add insult to injury, that same asshole was now following them.

Connor’s blood boiled, his rage flared, his blood pressure spiked. Even though he desperately wanted to go into a blind rage, he couldn’t…..he had to take care of Murphy. Connor’s love and concern for his brother kept him in control. For now.

Murphy ignored his brother’s comment, Connor really didn’t want an answer to that question anyway. Murphy’s eyes remained locked on Jonathan’s car as his hand moved to his mouth, his thumb sliding between his lips.

“What do you think he wants?” Murphy mumbled from behind his hand.

Connor’s eyes left the road to look incredulously at his brother. After what Jonathan did in the pub, after he’d practically raped Murphy in that booth, it was pretty obvious what Jonathan was after. Murphy gnawed furiously on his thumbnail, one of his new habits that appeared when he was especially nervous or worked up. Like now.

“ _You,_ Murph. He fucking wants _you.”_ Connor didn’t sugar coat his words nor could he prevent the frustration in his voice. He felt threatened, he felt jealous and he felt the need to protect what was his from a viable threat. He had to protect his Murphy from Jonathan.

Murphy shook his head as he looked to his brother, Connor misunderstanding his question. Murphy knew Jonathan wanted him, he had no doubt what the man desired, the hand squeezing his cock thirty minutes earlier made Jonathan’s intentions clear.

“No Conn, I meant why do you think he’s following us?”

Connor glanced at Jonathan in the rearview mirror and his knuckles turned white on the steering wheel. What the fuck? That asshole was actually smiling. Connor wasn’t sure why Jonathan was following them, what purpose it served…..maybe he wanted to intimidate Murphy or maybe he was just fucking nuts. Whatever the reason, it was unacceptable and he had to do something about it.

He considered stopping the car and beating the living shit out of Jonathan, the man certainly deserved it after what he’d done. But that was risky. Not physically, Connor could take Jonathan in a fight and a busted lip or bleeding knuckles didn’t mean shit to Connor. No, it was risky in other ways.

If Connor provoked him, Jonathan might make trouble, _big_ trouble. He was just waiting for Connor to do something to give him his excuse. Jonathan had knowledge and knowledge was power. He could tell everyone in town Murphy was gay and he was in love with his twin brother. Jonathan could get people thinking, wondering…..possibly believing. Katie already believed it, who knows what _she’d_ say to people when she heard the news. Even if the twins denied it, which they would, their ma might suspect there was something more between them, something more than brotherly affection. And if that happened, they could lose each other…..Connor could lose Murph.

The stakes were too high, the situation too precarious and that man was too unstable. As much as it killed Connor not to defend his boyfriend, as much as he wanted to punch Jonathan in the dick to teach him a lesson, Connor loved his brother more. Hitting Jonathan now just wasn’t worth the risk of losing Murph.

“Maybe I can ditch him.” Connor hit the accelerator, his eyes still glued to the rearview mirror as he maneuvered the car around a sharp turn. Connor knew these roads, he’d traveled them his entire life, he knew every turn, every dip and every bump. He could lose that fucker if he wanted.

Murphy stared at his brother, his eyes disbelieving. “What are you doing, Connor?”

“What the fuck does it look like I’m doing?” Connor answered dismissively, angry that Murphy questioned him on this. He was only doing what he had to do to keep Murphy safe and his brother wasn’t making this any easier. “I’m getting you the fuck away from him.”

Normally, Connor wouldn’t think of turning tail and running like a fucking pussy away from any confrontation. Normally, Connor MacManus would stand his ground; he’d meet any situation without flinching and without blinking. But he couldn’t face Jonathan without the risk of losing Murphy. And there was no way in hell he was going to lose Murphy.

As the car sped around another curve, Murphy watched his brother as he drove. He watched his teeth grind, his knuckles turn white and his face turn red. He instinctively understood what Connor was doing and why. Running wasn’t in Connor’s DNA, it went against his nature but he was protecting Murphy from Jonathan’s repercussions. Connor was protecting their relationship.

Murphy glanced over his shoulder at the car trailing behind them, the car now further behind but not backing off. As much as he understood Connor’s motivations, as much as his heart warmed from Connor’s love, what he was doing made no sense.

“Connor, this is stupid.”

Connor glanced into his eyes before his gaze returned to the winding road in front of them, certain Murphy was just scared. “I know what I’m doing, Murph,” Connor said with a confidence he didn’t currently possess as he tried to assuage his brother’s fear.

But Murphy wasn’t afraid, not at all. How could he be afraid? He was with Connor.

His hand reached out and rested on Connor’s forearm, his touch instantly relaxing the rigid muscles beneath his warm fingers. He gently stroked Connor’s skin with his thumb as he softly said, “Conn…..he knows where we live. Even if you lose him, he can still find me.”

Murphy was right. Jonathan could find Murphy anytime he wanted…..today, tomorrow or next week. Trying to lose him on these back roads was pointless; Connor had to slow down before he got them both killed. He eased up on the gas pedal and resumed a normal speed as Jonathan quickly caught up.

There in the car with his boyfriend, his love, Murphy made a decision. He had to take control of this situation or it would only get worse. It was his fault Jonathan was in their lives, it was his fault Connor was this upset…..it was _all_ his fault, every bit. Jonathan was his problem and he had to do something about him. He had to somehow make Jonathan stop.

“Pull the car over, Connor.”

 

********

 

Jonathan kept his eyes on the car in front of him as it suddenly turned and sped up, kicking dirt and gravel all over his freshly waxed car. Jonathan grit his teeth as he pressed on the accelerator, he’d spent hours polishing his car and now it was ruined all because Connor wanted what Jonathan had…..Murphy.

Did Connor really think he could take Murphy away from him? Did he honestly think Jonathan would just back off and let him drive off with his current? _Fuck him._ Jonathan wasn’t about to give up on Murphy, he wouldn’t let him go, that boy was his and his alone. Connor needed to learn his fucking place. He may be Murphy’s brother, but Jonathan is Murphy’s boyfriend. That meant Murphy belonged in _his_ bed, not Connor’s.

Murphy is just mad at him, that’s what the problem is, he’s mad because Jonathan put those hickeys on his neck. It was too soon to mark him like that, Jonathan should have waited until after he fucked the boy then it wouldn’t have been such a big fucking deal. Or maybe not have given him so many…..a couple would have been enough instead of a couple dozen. He’d remember that the next time he was kissing Murphy’s neck…..no hickeys until after they fucked. Then he’d make Murphy’s neck look like a road map.

Jonathan sneered as he rounded another tight turn, keeping the car carrying his current within sight. Murphy still wants him, Jonathan can see it in his eyes…..it’s so fucking obvious. Jonathan really should have made him cum in that booth. Murphy wanted him to do it.....fuck, he practically begged Jonathan with his eyes.

Even now, Murphy keeps looking back to make sure Jonathan is still there, making sure his asshole brother doesn’t lose him. Murphy is still playing games, still being a fucking cock tease like he was in the pub when he batted Jonathan’s hand away yet got rock hard as soon as he was touched. Murphy would have cum in his pants too…..if Connor hadn’t shown up. Murphy said he was in love with Connor but that was bullshit…..it was all part of Murphy’s little game to make Jonathan jealous. 

Jonathan wasn’t familiar with these roads and he had to slow down as the car ahead of him pulled further away. He grunted his displeasure but he had to abandon the chase. But Connor didn’t win, he may think he did but he’s wrong. Jonathan always finds a way to win. Annabelle told Connor to take Murphy home…..and Jonathan knew where Murphy lived. He’d just go to Murphy’s house and wait. Eventually Connor would take Murphy there and Jonathan would be patiently waiting.

He was just about to turn off the road when he saw brake lights through the dust. They were slowing down, but why? Of course…..Murphy had somehow convinced Connor to slow down. Murphy didn’t want Connor to lose Jonathan on these back roads, he didn’t want Jonathan to give up. Murphy wanted Jonathan to continue the chase.

Jonathan smiled as he caught up with the twins…..he won again.

 

********

 

“Why the fuck do you want me to pull over, Murphy? Huh? Explain that to me because I really don’t fucking get it.”

Connor was in protective mode and all he was focused on was getting Murphy “away,” just getting him away from that fucking pervert in the flashy car behind them. Connor pulled his arm from Murphy’s gentle grip before his soft touch could calm him any further. Murphy was distracting him with his warm skin and stroking fingers, he was trying to relax him but Connor didn’t want to relax, he couldn’t, not with Jonathan so close.

Had Connor been looking at Murphy, he would have seen the hurt look in his eye when he pulled his arm free from Murphy’s fingers. It hurt whenever Connor pulled away from him, it was silly but it made Murphy feel unwanted. Murphy brought his hand back to his lap and he laced his fingers together as he kept his eyes on his irate brother. Connor didn’t look like he’d be pulling over anytime soon. And on top of that, now he was demanding an explanation.

But how could Murphy explain what he planned to do when he didn’t have a plan to begin with? When his big plan was to get out of the car and _somehow_ make Jonathan stop? He had no specific ideas, no special words picked out, no clue what to do…..just make Jonathan stop. That’s it. He knew his plan was shit but it’s all he had.

“Well?” There was Connor’s one word demand, he was acting like the older brother and that just annoyed the fuck out of Murphy.

“Connor, just stop the fucking car. I know what I’m doing, okay? Trust me.” _He knew what he was doing_ …..what a fucking lie. Murphy had no clue.

Connor’s hands shifted on the steering wheel as he tried to find a cool place on the leather to rest his sweaty palms. He chanced a glance at his twin, knowing Murphy would have that _fucking_ look on his face and there it was…..that same fucking look Murphy got whenever he wanted Connor to do something. But Connor wasn’t about to be worked that easily and he ignored the look, much to Murphy’s chagrin.

Connor glanced in the mirror and made a face, Jonathan caught up with them mighty quick, the fucker. “It’s not you I don’t trust, it’s that fucker back there. There’s something wrong with him, Murph. You know that, right?”

Murphy knew that now…..he just wished he’d known it _then,_ when he first met Jonathan at the grocery store. Jonathan had been charming, he was funny and sweet and he really seemed like a great guy. Murphy never suspected he would become this obsessed, this crazed, this unstable.

“I know he’s acting nuts, okay? But he’s not normally like this. He just hasn’t accepted it’s over, he thinks he’s fighting for me or something.”

Connor scoffed loudly. He knew Jonathan wasn’t quite right the first moment he met the man and his recent actions only confirmed Connor’s suspicions. He had to make sure Murphy saw that man for what he was.

He pointed his finger at Murphy as his eyes darted between the road and his brother, holding Murphy’s gaze just long enough to make his point while keeping the car from going into a ditch. “He practically raped you, Murphy. He was getting you off under the fucking table right there in front of Ma. He wasn’t fighting for you, he was molesting you.”

Murphy had to look away, he couldn’t look into Connor’s eyes when he talked about that. Murphy knew what happened, he was there…..it was his cock Jonathan was touching. He didn’t want to think about what Jonathan did, how he touched him like he had a right to his body, how he didn’t stop when Murphy told him no.

The entire incident with Jonathan reminded Murphy of when he was 16…..and Father O’Shea. That man didn’t stop either…..he didn’t stop when Murphy said no or when he cried and begged. The man didn’t even stop when Murphy screamed.

Murphy bit his lip and tasted blood as he pushed the memory away, he pushed it back into its dark hiding place where it would lie in wait. Connor said Jonathan molested him, he practically raped him…..Murphy wondered what Connor would say about what Father O’Shea had done.

“Look, Connor…..I’m not excusing what Jonathan did, okay? It was really fucked up and it’s all I can do not to kick his fucking ass. It made me fucking sick to be touched like that.”

Connor was relieved to hear Murphy’s words, relieved his brother sounded as angry as he himself felt. He didn’t realize Murphy was so close to exploding; he’d been too consumed with his own outrage to notice the rolling boil of anger just below Murphy’s skin…..Murphy had ignored his own indignation in favor of calming his twin.

But Murphy couldn’t ignore it any longer. His anger had festered and grown, it pounded in his veins and it screamed from his heart. He’d had enough.

“Obviously Jonathan’s not stopping Connor. So pull the fucking car over so I can _make_ him stop.”

 

********

 

Jonathan watched in confusion as the car in front of him slowed and moved to the side of the road, the brakes squealing loudly as it rolled to a stop. He pulled up behind their car and focused his eyes on its two occupants, fascinated by their interaction. He could see Murphy talking to Connor, presumably about him, and Jonathan couldn’t help the smile that grew on his face as Connor repeatedly shook his head in the negative. He almost felt sorry for Connor…..almost. It must hurt like a mother fucker to lose Murphy to someone like Jonathan.

Murphy turned his head and his blue eyes locked onto Jonathan, his words to his brother stopping as he stared at the man. Jonathan smiled as sweet a smile as he could muster, he didn’t want Murphy to see him looking so self-satisfied and smug, even though that’s what he was. When Murphy didn’t smile back, Jonathan coupled his smile with a small wave of his hand but Murphy only looked away, speaking once again to his twin.

Jonathan snorted as his smile faded, surprised by Murphy’s lack of response. But it was fine Murphy didn’t smile or even wave back…..Jonathan wouldn’t be mad at him. He’d just have Murphy make it up to him later, that’s all. Maybe some new hickeys on the boy’s neck would be a good start.

Jonathan put his car in park and got out to wait for his current to join him, leaning against his car door as his eyes kept watch. He’d give Murphy time to set his asshole brother straight, he’d give him all the time he needed. Jonathan was a patient man and Murphy was worth waiting for, he’d known that the first time they kissed under that tree in the dark.

 

********

 

Connor didn’t like this one fucking bit. He didn’t want to wait in the car while Murphy talked to Jonathan, it was a stupid fucking idea his brother came up with. He kept shaking his head no as Murphy spoke, he wanted to be the one to handle things but Murphy was adamant about his position.

“I’m not a helpless little kid, Connor. I got myself into this situation and I can get myself out.”

Jonathan was Murphy’s ex, not Connor’s…..only Murphy could tell the man again that it was over. Only Murphy could get him to stop. Jonathan had the upper hand…..they couldn’t afford to prod the man beyond his limit or else he might verbally retaliate to the entire town. And Murphy wasn’t about to let Connor’s life be ruined because of his stupidity. They had to try to keep the peace and Murphy was the only one who could do that.

Murphy gently worked Connor with his soft voice…..he had to keep Connor calm even though he himself was a bubbling inferno. He only paused when he caught Jonathan’s eyes, a flash of what the man did in the pub halting Murphy’s words until Connor’s presence brought him back to his senses.

“You know I’m right, Connor.”

Connor didn’t want to admit it but Murphy made sense. If Connor was standing there, even in the background, the situation would be volatile and might result in violence. But Jonathan would be more receptive to Murphy, he might actually listen and relent. Connor was reluctant but he finally agreed to stay in the car while Murphy handled the situation.

The problem was, Murphy wasn’t sure if he could stay calm, he wasn’t sure at all. Simply put, Murphy wanted to beat the living fuck out of Jonathan.

 

********

 

Jonathan straightened up as the passenger door opened and Murphy stepped out, his sneakers making a crackling noise in the gravel as he turned to face the man who’d been waiting for him. Murphy stood in place with the door open, staring at Jonathan with determined eyes as he gathered his thoughts.

Jonathan saw the movement of Murphy’s throat as he swallowed, the few hickeys that remained on his neck tantalizing him with their mere presence. Murphy had the most mouthwatering neck Jonathan had ever kissed and he couldn’t wait to make up with the boy and taste that skin once again, taste it and hopefully add to that hickey collection.

Jonathan heard Connor say something unintelligible to his brother and Murphy dipped his head to look back into the car, his voice almost too quiet for Jonathan to hear. “It’s okay. I’m fine, Connor.”

Jonathan shook his head, Connor still hasn’t learned his fucking place.

Murphy shut the car door and began to walk toward Jonathan as the man’s eyes swept over his body, a smile creeping across his mouth at the approaching sight. Jonathan only looked away from Murphy to see if Connor was watching in the car mirror, which of course he was. He was watching very closely.

“We need to talk,” Murphy quietly said when he reached Jonathan, forcing his eyes to hold the man’s gaze even though he desperately wanted to look away. Murphy felt like a deer being stared at by a drooling lion. Except this lion didn’t want to kill him, this lion wanted to own him.

“Yes we do, Murphy. But not here.” Jonathan motioned toward Connor, “Not with your overprotective brother listening to every word we say. Get in the car. We’ll go to my place to talk.”

Murphy let out a small laugh of surprise as he took a reactive step back, stopping Jonathan in his tracks. “You’re nuts. There’s no way I’m going anywhere with you.”

Jonathan sighed in annoyance, he used to love Murphy’s stubborn streak but now he only found it irritating. “Why is everything a struggle with you? Don’t fight me on this Murphy, I’m not in the mood. Just get in my fucking car and let’s go.”

Murphy felt the worry emanating from Connor, it came off his body in waves and crashed into Murphy’s psyche, almost knocking him to his feet. His mind reached out to his twin, reassuring Connor that he wasn’t going anywhere with Jonathan…..he was fine. This was part of their “twin mojo” as Murphy liked to call it.

“We don’t need to go anywhere, we can talk right here. It won’t take long to say what I have to say.”

Jonathan pursed his lips and leaned against his car as Murphy shifted his body to block Jonathan’s line of vision from his brother. He didn’t like Jonathan looking in Connor’s direction, he didn’t like it at all.

“It’s a little hard to properly make up without privacy, Murphy. It’s much more discreet in my apartment,” Jonathan said matter-of-factly as his eyes darted to Murphy’s lips. He was beginning to think Murphy wasn’t ready to stop playing his little game, he wasn’t yet ready to apologize and beg Jonathan’s forgiveness.

“Leave me alone, Jonathan. We’re not making up…..it’s over. I’m sorry I hurt you, I really am but you need to stop.” Murphy tried to stay calm but he knew this wouldn’t work, Jonathan would never listen. He didn’t listen when Murphy broke up with him in his bedroom, he didn’t listen in the pub an hour earlier and he wasn’t listening now. This was fucking pointless.

Jonathan looked over Murphy’s shoulder, catching Connor’s steady gaze in the mirror. This was all Connor’s fault. He was stringing Murphy along, making him think they might have a future…..lusting after his own twin brother. If it wasn’t for Connor, Murphy would be with Jonathan right now.

“So you’re breaking up with me, is that it?” Jonathan’s eyes didn’t leave Connor’s, although he was speaking to Murphy.

“I already did. You should remember…..you were there.”

Jonathan laughed and leaned toward Murphy, his voice hushed in order to keep his words only between them. He didn’t want to give Connor any ammunition and he certainly didn’t want him poking his nose into his affairs. “Then what the fuck was all that in the pub? If we’re not together anymore then you just let anyone feel you up?”

“I didn’t _let_ you touch me, you fucking asshole. You just did it.”

Jonathan smirked, leaning even closer to the suddenly flustered boy. “Hmmm, yes I did and you seemed to really like it too. As I recall, you didn’t stop me, did you?”

Jonathan put Murphy on the defensive, he tapped into his nightmare without knowing he was doing so but instantly recognizing he hit a nerve. “I--I tried to stop you. But I couldn’t.”

Jonathan nodded as his eyes dropped to stare at the bulge in Murphy’s jeans, his head tilting as his eyes examined what he remembered groping. “If you really wanted to stop me, you could have. All you had to do was tell your mother, Murphy.”

Murphy’s eyes filled with tears and his lip quivered as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out that fucking nightmare that rose like a phoenix from the dark place in his mind. This was reminiscent of years ago, Jonathan’s hand touching him felt the same as Father O’Shea’s hand…..it was unwanted, it felt dirty and disgusting and fucking wrong. Murphy wanted to run but he couldn’t hide from a memory, it followed him wherever he went.

_All you had to do was tell your mother, Murphy._

He never told what happened to him back then, he kept it secret from everyone, even Connor. He’d been too scared to tell….no one would have believed him anyway and Father O’Shea warned him about the repercussions of telling, how he’d be separated from Connor when the scandal broke. The public shame and ridicule would have ruined Connor’s future and he couldn’t let that happen. So day after day, Murphy kept his meetings with Father O’Shea…..and day after day Murphy screamed when the man touched him. Murphy did his best to convince his mother that he was “fixed” when in reality, he was more broken than ever before. And he still was.

“I fucking hate you, Jonathan,” Murphy glared at Jonathan through tear filled eyes, his voice shaking as he spoke, his soft tone belying the turmoil brewing inside him. The turmoil of a horrific memory.

“No Murphy, you don’t. You like how I make you feel, you like how I get you hard and I promise you’ll _love_ how I make you cum.”

A plethora of emotion crossed Murphy’s face and his lips thinned as he pressed them together, trying to keep his anger at bay. Jonathan smiled at Murphy’s reaction, it was better than he hoped for. He was close to winning once again…..Murphy would be in his bed in no time.

Tears fell like raindrops from the sky as Murphy’s world started to crumble around him. He wanted to make Jonathan hurt for making him feel like he was 16 again and alone in that room with Father O’Shea. He wanted to make Jonathan bleed for making him remember what happened with such vivid clarity that he could almost feel those cold hands on his body once again. And he wanted to make Jonathan cry like he did every time he remembered what he barely lived through.

Murphy didn’t remember what happened next, all he remembered was _red._ Red was everywhere. It covered his hands with sticky warmth. It stained his shirt with splashes and smears. It dripped and splattered on his sneakers. It was on the road, on the grass, on Jonathan’s car.

Murphy’s eyes only saw the redness of Jonathan’s blood. And it was everywhere.


	41. It'll Be Okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, my sincerest thank you for your support, comments, kudos and just for reading. You all are the reason I try so hard. For those who comment, an extra special THANK YOU! I read each review & take your comments to heart and I honestly am very interested in your opinions. Thank you for taking the time to do this, it means so much.
> 
> Sorry for the delay in posting the new chapter. I got the final pin out of my finger & it was super sore so I laid off typing for about a week. But it's healed now so without further delay, I give you the new chapter. Much love to you all!

“It’s okay. I’m fine, Connor.”

That’s what Murphy told Connor just before he shut the car door and walked toward the crazy fucker waiting in the road behind them, just before he went to tell Jonathan to stop following them. But it wasn’t okay. And Murphy wasn’t fine.

As soon as Connor saw the predatory way Jonathan looked at Murphy, the way the man’s eyes roamed over his twin’s body like he owned him, Connor should have got out of the car then and there. He never should have let his Murph face that man alone. But he promised to let Murphy handle this, he promised to stay behind…..he’d agreed it was better Murphy deal with his ex on his own. Murphy had to take back his dignity and no one could do that for him, not even Connor. So even though he didn’t like it one fucking bit, Connor watched silently from the car while he tried to ignore his inner voice.

As Connor kept watch, his pride swelled….. Murphy was so impressive, he was so brave standing up to Jonathan after what happened in the pub, after he’d been molested under the table by that psycho. Murphy was standing up for himself as well as their relationship, he was taking back control…..and Connor had never been prouder of his new boyfriend.

But that voice inside Connor’s head kept nagging him, it kept telling him to protect, protect, _protect._ He did his best to silence the badgering of that voice, Murphy had assured him he knew what he was doing but still Connor worried. He just couldn’t help it…..like Murphy often said, worrying was in Connor’s DNA.

Connor felt the steady reassurance flowing from his brother, their twin mojo in high gear as he tried to stop the ominous feeling growing in the pit of his stomach. As far as Connor could tell, Murph was holding his own against that fucking freak. Murphy’s mind continued to speak to him, to calm him as Connor struggled to overhear their indistinct words.

His sense of foreboding shot through the roof when Murphy suddenly blocked his line of sight, effectively preventing Connor from seeing anything other than his twin’s back. Connor was essentially blind and deaf to their interaction with only Murphy’s steady emanations to keep him from losing control.

But then something happened…..something that scared Connor. Their connection suddenly wavered, like a ripple in a pond, and their bond trembled with a sudden rush of emotion that flowed through Murphy. The ripples became crashing waves as they hit Connor with unfiltered emotion and Murphy’s mind began crying out in pain, it screamed in fear, it begged for help. Over and over and over.

Connor’s entire body shook uncontrollably in his seat as he held tight to their bond with nothing buffering Murphy’s onslaught of despair. His hands clutched the steering wheel as he steadied himself, unable to move, barely able to breathe. His eyes were glued to the back of Murphy’s head, to that beautiful hair Connor loved to touch as his mind reached out to his brother, as he begged for some assurance that his twin was fine. But something was terribly wrong…..Murphy didn’t terminate their bond but he didn’t respond either. And that never happened, Murphy always responded to him…..always.

_Protect._ Connor had to protect his Murph.

He opened the car door and stepped onto the gravel just as Murphy’s hands clenched tightly into fists, just as Murphy’s waves of pain changed to a tsunami of violence. Before Connor could take one solitary step, Murphy was a blur.

Connor froze in place, stunned into immobility by the sight and sounds in front of him. He’d seen Murphy in fights before and his baby brother was a tough little shit but this was completely different…..this wasn’t a fight, this was a beating. The term ‘fists of fury’ rang in Connor’s mind because that’s exactly what he was witnessing…..Murphy in a blind rage mercilessly thrashing the man now cowering in the dirt.

As Jonathan yelled for Murphy to stop, as he begged for mercy, Murphy screamed things Connor didn’t understand. Something about being a helpless 16 year old and having his innocence stolen…..but that made no sense, they’d just turned 18 a couple months ago. Something about being dirty, screams to stop fucking touching him…..and most confusing of all, Murphy kept screaming through his tears how much he hated Father O’Shea.

But Connor didn’t have time to figure things out; he’d figure out what the fuck Murphy was screaming about later. Right now, Connor had to stop Murphy before he killed Jonathan.

Murphy continued to flail wildly, his hands coated in blood as Jonathan tried to crawl away. Connor sprinted to his brother and pressed his chest into his back, wrapping his arms tightly around Murphy’s torso and pinning his arms to his side. He pulled at his brother, dragging him away as Murphy cried and collapsed in his arms, his chin dropping to his chest, his body slack.

Blood was everywhere. Jonathan was bleeding not only from the beat down, he’d cut his hands on the side of the car as he fell to the ground, his blood splattering like a crime scene.

“It’s okay, Murph. Connor’s got ya.”

Quiet words were spoken from the lips pressed against Murphy’s ear, a gentle kiss following on the sweat dampened hair. Connor expected resistance, Murphy was so enraged Connor didn’t think he’d be able to stop. But the fight had left Murphy’s heart and all that remained was an empty abyss.

He leaned Murphy against the side of the borrowed car so he could open the passenger door and maneuvered his twin until he was sitting sideways on the seat with blood dripping from his hands onto his sneakers. Connor knelt between his legs and took Murphy’s face in his hands, his thumbs wiping the tears from his cheeks as Connor stared into the richness of his brother’s eyes, evaluating his state of mind.

Fucking hell…..Connor hated seeing Murphy cry. It just about killed him.

Murphy stared back as salty tears overflowed his blue eyes and ran over Connor’s thumbs and down the back of his hands. Murphy wasn’t sure what happened, he felt like time had reversed and he’d just left one of his “meetings” with Father O’Shea. He could still hear the man’s cruel laughter, he could still feel his hot breath on his neck, he could still feel the hand on his…..on his…..

But then Connor whispered Murphy’s name and brought him back to the here and now, he brought him back to the man he loved. Murphy was safe, Connor was kissing his forehead and whispering how much he loved him, Connor was here….. _Connor was here._

“Conn? I want to go home,” Murphy quietly pleaded, the anguished sound of his voice crushing Connor.

Connor pulled back to look at his love, his thumbs wiping away the fresh tears. He gently kissed Murphy’s lips with nothing more than a soft press of their mouths together before he quietly agreed with one simple word, “Okay.”

 

********

 

By the time the twins got home, the blood on Murphy’s hands had become tacky and nearly dried. Murphy stared at his hands as he tried to remember exactly what happened, exactly what he did to Jonathan, but all he remembered was blood. Blood and then Connor pulling him back from the precipice with his soft words and even softer kiss.

“Did I kill him?”

Connor put the car into park and turned off the engine, unfastening his seatbelt before turning in his seat to look at his younger twin. The dazed look in Murphy’s eyes was gone and now he just looked confused. And scared.

“He’ll survive. Not happily, but he will survive.”

“What did you just say?”

_‘I’ll survive…..not happily but I will survive.’_ That’s what Jonathan said after calling Murphy a cocktease when they were making out on Jonathan’s couch and Murphy told him to stop, back when Murphy was his boyfriend. It sent an eerie shiver up Murphy’s spine to hear Connor use those same words, almost like he had been in the room with them. But given their connection, maybe in some way, he had been there with Murphy all along.

“I said you didn’t kill him.” Connor reached for Murphy’s seatbelt and unfastened it, letting it retract into place before continuing with a slight smirk and a raised eyebrow. “But you sure did fuck him up.”

Murphy shook his head rapidly, closing his eyes briefly as he remembered how it felt to hit Jonathan…..not so much the physical aspect but the emotional. It was like the man was part Jonathan and part Father O’Shea and hitting him, hitting _them,_ was liberating. It was a cathartic experience, it felt like he was purging some of his demons and Murphy felt less dirty in some bizarre way.

“I fucked up, Connor. I fucked everything up,” he looked at his brother with watery eyes, not crying for what he’d been through with Jonathan, or even with Father O’Shea. He walked through that fire and came out alive, albeit not completely unscathed…..he was alive only because Connor was on the other side waiting for him. While he was glad he didn’t actually kill Jonathan, Murphy knew what he did could haunt them both. The loss of his control could mean the loss of his Connor. “I fucked us both.”

Connor laughed, one of those genuine laughs that was music to Murphy’s ears. There was something about Connor’s laugh that made Murphy feel like everything would be fine, that things weren’t as bad as they seemed.

“You didn’t fuck us, Murph, so stop getting all worked up, okay?”

“What if he calls the cops? What if they arrest me, Connor? I could get locked up.”

Connor squeezed his shoulder, his thumb rubbing into Murphy’s chest muscle as he tried to relax the worry from his brother.

“I’m pretty sure he won’t call the cops after what he did to you in the pub, seeing as you have me as a witness.”

“He could still tell everyone about us,” Murphy quietly pointed out with a slight shrug, fearing only for Connor and his future. All that mattered was Connor.

“He might, but I don’t think he will. You scared the living shit out of him, Murph.” Connor beamed with pride as Murphy continued to look to him for reassurance, his blue eyes almost melting Connor with the trust he saw in their depths. “I think he’s too scared to cause trouble.”

But Connor wasn’t completely confident in his words. While Jonathan certainly seemed scared, that much was true, the man was still completely obsessed with Murphy. And Connor knew this because he checked on Jonathan before driving Murphy home.

Connor only wanted to make sure the asshole wasn’t seriously hurt…..and maybe tell him to leave Murphy the fuck alone. He’d stood over Jonathan as the man sat in the dirt with blood running down his face, leaning his back against his car while his eyes remained locked on Murphy.

And as that fucker stared at his Murph, Connor’s jealousy and rage took hold, his protective nature flared. All Connor could envision was Jonathan getting run over by a bus.

Connor kicked his leg none too gently and when Jonathan looked his way, the crazy fucker smiled and mumbled something about Murphy playing hard to get. That’s when Connor grabbed him by his shirt and got in his face…..and in no uncertain terms, Connor warned Jonathan to stay away from his man.

Given Jonathan’s delusion about Murphy’s feelings, Connor was more than certain he wouldn’t go to the cops. But at the same time, that obsession meant they possibly hadn’t seen the last of him either.

“You really think he won’t cause any trouble? Honest?” Murphy held his breath as he waited for the answer. He needed to fucking believe or he’d never be able to fully enjoy being in love with Connor, he’d never relax or stop looking over his shoulder.

“Yeah…..I think he’ll leave us alone. He’d be fucking stupid to sniff around you anymore.” That much was true. If Jonathan came around Murphy again, Connor would make him regret it.

Even though Murphy was a macabre sight with the blood on his hands and clothes, he still looked like the weight of the world was lifted off his shoulders with Connor’s certainty. Murphy looked relieved, he looked happy again…..he looked like Connor’s Murph.

Connor pushed the hair from Murphy’s eyes, his hand lingering a bit as he lovingly stroked his messy mop before carding his fingers into the velvety softness. His fingers scratched Murphy’s scalp, giving him chills and causing Murphy to smile at his twin. He leaned into Connor’s hand and turned his head to place an open mouth kiss on Connor’s palm, just like he’d done on their date, his eyes not straying from Connor’s wide gaze.

This move was just as sexy as the first time Murphy had done it, it was as big a turn on as ever before…..partly because Murphy couldn’t touch him but obviously wanted to, obviously needed to. Connor wanted it as much as Murphy, if not more, but first his twin had to be cleaned up…..before any touching could happen all that blood had to be expunged.

“You look like a bloody mess, Murph. Literally.”

Murphy laughed and gently bit the fatty part of Connor’s palm, holding it between his teeth as his tongue tickled Connor’s skin with soft licks. He wanted to grab Connor and climb all over him, he wanted to touch every inch of his body but he wasn’t about to stain him with blood so Murphy settled for what he could get.

“Don’t you fucking start, Murphy MacManus. Not when you look like the walking dead.”

“The what?” Murphy questioned after his teeth released Connor’s hand, his mouth turned upward in a confused smile.

“The walking…..never mind.” Connor pulled his hand from his brother’s mouth with great reluctance. He hated to pull away when Murphy so obviously wanted to play but now that he seemed fine, Connor had a car to return. And Murphy had to clean up, playing would have to wait until later. “Let’s wash that blood off, aye?”

Murphy looked down at himself, at his stained clothes and his stained hands. “I guess I do look like an accident victim.”

Connor didn’t let Murphy touch anything, not the car door, not the house door, not even the faucets in the shower. He led his brother into the house and straight to their bathroom, making sure the water was warm enough before he told Murphy to get in the shower, clothes and all.

Murphy stood under the shower spray and the red began to run off his body in thin rivulets as he rubbed his hands over his skin. He pulled his shirt off his body and squeezed the water from it, giving up after a few times when he realized the blood stain wasn’t about to come out. Fucking figures, this was one of his favorite shirts too.

“Give me your clothes. They’re probably ruined but I’ll throw them in the washer anyway.”

Murphy hesitated, suddenly self-conscious about being naked…..and wet…..in front of Connor. It was bad enough Connor was just standing there watching him but now he wanted Murphy to take his clothes off too.

Connor motioned with his hand, slightly amused by Murphy’s reaction, slightly turned on by his modesty, slightly hard from watching Murphy under the shower spray. “Come on, don’t be shy. I’ve seen your bare butt plenty of times.”

“Yeah. But it’s different now Connor.”

Murphy stared at him through the building steam, not wanting to be naked with Connor unless there was a better reason than bathing involved. He hoped Connor might decide to join him, maybe wash his back or…..something. But if Connor didn’t want their first time to be in the back of a car, he certainly wouldn’t want their first time to be with the shadow of Jonathan hanging over them, regardless of how sexually charged the air seemed to be.

“I guess you’re right, it is different now.” He leaned forward and Murphy thought for a moment he was stepping into the shower but instead, he gently pecked Murphy on the cheek before turning his back and facing the other direction.

Connor didn’t see the way Murphy’s eyes studied his body, he didn’t see the outright desire on his face. Connor didn’t see Murphy bite his lip as he paused to stare at the most perfect ass he’d ever seen. But he didn’t need to _see_ what Murphy was doing to _know_ what he was doing. Connor just knew.

“You better not be staring at my ass, Murph.”

Murphy couldn’t stop the guilty laugh that escaped his mouth, he was so busted. “Sorry. I just like what I see.”

Murphy finally stopped staring and he stripped his wet clothes off his body, passing his stained garments to his brother. Connor blindly took the soaked clothes from his brother’s hands, his own hands shaking a bit as Murphy slid the shower curtain shut and stepped under the spray once again. Murphy heard Connor leave to put his clothes in the washer but he didn’t hear him return a few minutes later.

When Connor returned to the bathroom, fresh towels in hand, the first thing he noticed was the smell of Murphy. It was everywhere. It was like the water intensified Murphy’s naturally sweet scent and spread his enticing aroma into the air. Connor took a deep breath, drawing that delicious Murphy smell into his nose…..fuck, he was in trouble. Murphy smelled like heaven.

He placed the towels on the counter, intending to exit without so much as a glance at the figure washing his hair just behind that thin shower curtain. But Connor couldn’t help himself, he had to have just one look, just one glance…..it was Murph after all.

Connor cursed himself, he knew it was an invasion of Murphy’s privacy, he knew he shouldn’t spy on his brother but he did it anyway. He chose to ignore his inner voice and he let his voyeuristic tendencies rein. He stood in silence and watched the shadow behind the curtain with unblinking eyes.

He watched as Murphy dipped his head to rinse the shampoo from his thick hair, Connor’s fingers twitching with the memory of that softness. He watched as Murphy reached for the soap and began to wash his body, Connor’s trousers suddenly a bit tighter than the moment before. And he watched as Murphy reached between his legs and began to stroke himself, Connor’s own growing erection screaming for attention.

Jesus, Murphy made the sexiest sounds sometimes. The little panting breaths, the deep moans that echoed off the tile walls, the breathy way he whispered Connor’s name over and over. Those sounds went straight to Connor’s dick like a lightning rod and it practically tingled with excitement.

Connor palmed his hardness, grinding to the same rhythm as Murphy’s strokes, his hips pushing forward for more friction. Murphy pressed his free hand to the shower wall just as Connor pressed his free hand to the tiled wall, each twin trying to hold himself upright as their knees weakened, Connor mimicking his twin’s pose without any conscious realization.

Murphy dropped his head as his hand picked up its pace while Connor kept his eyes glued to his brother’s shadow, his own hand frantically keeping up with Murph’s. He felt like a fucking perv but still he stayed, still he watched, still he touched himself. At this point, Connor couldn’t leave even if he wanted to…..not before Murphy came, anyway.

Murphy’s breath hitched in his throat before a drawn out moan signaled his impending release, Connor’s name echoing in the room as Murphy’s cum spurted in long, thick strings against the shower wall. He didn’t ride his orgasm quietly, Murphy was loud…..so fucking loud that Connor almost shot his own load in his pants just from the sound of his brother cumming.

Murphy moaned Connor’s name again as his last drops of cum ran down his hand and hit the shower floor, the warm water thinning the thick cum before it ran down the drain. Once Murphy caught his breath, he released himself and turned his hand to rinse it clean before dipping his head to let the water run across his scalp and down his back.

That’s when Connor decided he needed to leave. Murphy would be in the shower for only a few minutes more, just long enough to finish cleaning himself and to make sure he didn’t leave any sticky residue behind. And once the water was off, there’d be no way he’d miss Connor’s presence.

Connor quietly left the bathroom with his dick still hard and close to exploding…..Murphy didn’t know it, but he’d just driven Connor wild with desire. Connor made his way quickly down the stairs and just as he reached the back door, he heard the water shut off.

He paused with one hand on the doorknob and the other on his cock, both hands squeezing firmly. He knew if he went upstairs right now, Murphy would still be flushed with excitement, he’d still be turned on…..he’d still be wet and naked. Murphy would say yes to Connor in a heartbeat, all Connor had to do was ask.

As tempting as that thought was, as tempting as _Murphy_ was, Connor still wanted to wait for the right time. And fucking Murphy right now just wasn’t the right time. Connor didn’t want their first time to be remotely associated with Murphy’s ex; their first time had to be about them and only them. So with a turn of the knob, Connor left the house and made his way to the car, his hard dick making walking uncomfortable.

Murphy pulled back the shower curtain and looked around. He thought he smelled Connor in the air and he was surprised his brother wasn’t standing there with some sort of smirk on his face and some form of smart ass comment on his lips. It felt like he was near but after all that happened, Murphy’s twin mojo might be off kilter today. Besides, Conn should have left over twenty minutes ago, he should be long gone by now. Murphy must just have Connor on the brain.....like always.

He stepped out of the shower and noticed the fresh towels on the counter. They weren’t there before, Murphy was certain of that. He smiled as he brought a towel to his face, smelling the sweet scent of fabric softener on the material…..Connor took such good care of him. Connor always used extra fabric softener on the towels, just for Murphy because he liked them extra soft and fluffy. It was dumb but it was the little things like extra fabric softener that made Murphy realize just how much Connor loved him, just how much he really cared.

But wait…..wait one fucking second. If Connor brought him fresh towels, maybe he heard. Or saw. Or both. Fuck. Murphy was so loud. If Connor was in the room at any time from the first stroke until the last spurt, he’d know what Murphy did, there’d be no doubt.

Murphy wrapped a towel around his narrow waist and he walked into their bedroom, his thumb between his teeth as his hair dripped onto his shoulders and down his back. There was no sign Connor had lingered in their room, there was no new mess and nothing was out of place. He hadn’t heard Connor bumbling around either but that didn’t mean shit. Unlike Murphy, Connor was quiet.

“Connor? Are you home?” After hearing no response, Murphy called out again. “Conn?”

The sound of the back door closing caught his attention and he looked out their bedroom window, seeing Connor crossing the yard on his way to the borrowed car. Fucking hell, Connor was home the entire time. He probably heard everything.

Well…..so what if he heard? So what? They’re teenage boys, they jerk off…..it’s a fact of life. And it’s not like it’s a secret Murphy wants him, not anymore, not since he’d been ‘outed.’ Connor isn’t stupid, he’d know Murphy thought of him when he wanked. It just sucks Connor didn’t join him, that’s all.

Murphy watched his brother walk away, his eyes studying his gait, staring at that perfect fucking ass once again. Connor looks like he’s got a leg cramp or something, he’s walking funny. Maybe he twisted his ankle. He still has that sexy swagger but it’s different, it looks almost like he…..no way, _no fucking way._

Before Connor got in the car, he readjusted his balls and shifted things around. He needed more room in his pants, his hard dick was taking up too much space. With every step, his jeans rubbed his shaft and tortured him further. This was all fucking Murphy’s fault, if Murph hadn’t wanked in the shower Connor wouldn’t be suffering right now.

He shook his head as he chastised himself…..no, it wasn’t Murphy’s fault, not at all. It was Connor’s fault; he’s the one who watched and listened. He’s the one who decided they should wait for the right fucking time when all Murphy ever wanted was him. Connor let out a hot breath and squeezed his cock through his jeans, willing himself not to cum, forcing himself to wait.

Murphy watched his brother until he drove away, his lower lip between his teeth as the realization of the situation hit him. He’d made Connor hard…..how cool is that? Connor wanted him so bad he could barely walk. But Murphy was confused, why did he leave? Murphy would have taken care of him, he could have helped him with his _problem._ They didn’t have to fuck if Connor didn’t want to, Murphy could have just given him another hand job. Or maybe blown him. He could have made Connor feel good.

Murphy’s insecurities came rushing back like a tidal wave as he continued to puzzle over why Connor didn’t seek him out. He understood Connor wanting to wait for the right time to make love, Murphy wanted everything to be perfect too. But they could do other stuff, other _fun_ stuff besides out right fucking. They’re boyfriends, they should be doing stuff.

But what if…..what if Connor wasn’t just waiting for the right time? What if Connor didn’t want him that way? He said no to Murphy on the beach, he said no in the car. Connor said no in his fucking bed when Murphy was on top of him. He knew Connor loved him but maybe Connor just couldn’t take that step and _make love_ to him. Maybe Connor’s reasons for waiting weren’t actually reasons but excuses. Even though Connor denied it after their first kiss, maybe he really was just bi-curious.

A couple miles down the road, Connor pulled the car over and practically leapt from the driver’s seat, his eyes scanning up and down the expanse of the dusty road. There wasn’t a soul in sight, it was completely deserted, thank God, and he quickly walked between two large trees and knelt in the grass, his fingers unzipping his jeans.

Murphy was on his mind every second of the day and he was in his dreams every second of the night. All he ever thought about was Murph…..how he looked, how he smelled, how he made life worth living. There was warmth when Murphy was near and only icy coldness when he was gone.

Murphy was his everything.

Connor took himself in hand, closing his eyes and remembering the hand job Murphy gave him. He’d never been touched like that before, with a near perfect mixture of love and lust. All Murphy cared about was Connor, his sole focus was on making Connor feel good and nothing more. Murphy was playful and flirty and so fucking sexy…..and when he touched Connor, the rest of the world melted away and only they two existed.

Connor’s head tilted back as he stroked himself closer to orgasm, thinking of his Murph with each pull on his dick. He wanted to see Murphy all wet and soapy, he wanted to watch the water run down his flat belly into the hair between his legs. He wanted to soap him up and rinse him off. But it’s not like he couldn’t picture Murph naked anytime he wanted. Connor saw his brother naked almost every day since birth, he’d seen him shower…..fuck, they used to shower together up until age 14 to save money on the water bill. And they only stopped when their ma got that second job and it was no longer a necessity.

But Murphy was right…..being naked in front of each other now meant so much more. Now it was different. Now they were in love.

Connor leaned forward on his knees when his balls drew up close to his body and he shot his jizz into the dirt, small pebbles propelling into the air from the sheer force of his stream. Murphy’s name echoed in the trees as Connor called out the name of his love, his cum continuing to propel from his body in hot stickiness covering not only the ground in front of him, but his hand as well.

Once he emptied his balls into the dirt, he sat back to regain his breath, to regain his control, to regain his mind. The ache in Connor’s groin was almost constant and even after he came, the throbbing need for his twin continued. Connor ached for Murphy with every breath he took, with every pump of his heart and with every fiber of his being.

Connor wanted Murphy and he wouldn’t be able to wait much longer before bedding his twin…..it just wasn’t humanly possible.

 

********

 

“You promised Ma you’d put me to bed, Connor.”

Jesus fucking Christ. How could Connor resist Murphy when he said shit like that? Resisting his brother’s charms was damn near impossible especially when   
Murphy wanted something. Especially when Connor was so desperately in love with him. Especially when Connor could hardly refuse him _anything._

Connor returned home after dropping off the car…..and wanking on the side of the road…..and had barely walked into the house when Murphy started talking about being put to bed. And judging by the look on Murphy’s face, he knew exactly what he was doing. The little shit was playing, he was using Connor’s words to their mother to get what he wanted…..Murphy found a new way to work Connor.

“You know she’ll ask you about it. And she can tell when you lie.”

“I have no intention of lying to her, Murph.”

Murphy bit his lip in that fucking sexy way that drove Connor nuts. The funny thing was, as hard as Murphy was trying to work Connor right now, that lip bite was completely natural…..that lip bite was not part of his brother’s game. That lip bite drove Connor fucking wild.

“Oh…..okay then,” Murphy quietly said as he tried to regroup and focus. He knew he was being insecure about Connor’s feelings but he just couldn’t help it.   
His insecurity make him question everything, even things he should know and trust. And he had to be sure Connor was interested in more than just kissing him.

It didn’t matter Connor had that one boyfriend a couple years ago. He’d had a couple girlfriends since then so that one random guy may have been a fluke, even though Connor said it wasn’t. Murphy had to know for sure Connor wanted him like a lover would want him and he could think of only one way to do that. He had to push a little.

But before he could come up with a new angle, a new plan, Connor was moving toward him. Connor took him by his hand, pulling gently as he led Murphy toward the stairs that went to their bedroom. Murphy’s hand was hot and sweaty, he was so nervous and scared. Nervous Connor would finally say the time was right and they’d make sweet love for hours. Scared Connor would say the time would never be right and they’d never do anything more than kiss.

Every step up the stairs made Murphy shake a bit more. Connor noticed, although he didn’t quite know why his twin shook so hard. He assumed it was because of where they were going and what Murphy hoped would happen.

When they reached their room, Connor didn’t hesitate. He kicked the door shut and took Murphy straight to the foot of his bed. He grabbed at the hem of Murphy’s t-shirt and pulled it over his head in one swift motion, up and off and thrown to the floor. Connor’s hands moved to the waistband of Murphy’s jeans and he quickly undid the leather belt around Murphy’s waist, the clinking of the buckle sending a wave of excitement through them both.

Murphy stood unmoving as he let Connor undress him, watching his brother’s face for any trace of discomfort…..or disgust. But Connor had neither, he only had a small smile on his face as he focused on his task, his eyes watching what his hands were doing…..focusing on getting Murphy’s pants off.

Murphy’s jeans were unzipped but before Connor could push his pants to the floor, Murphy grasped Connor’s wrists tightly. Connor smiled in surprise and finally looked into his eyes, holding his gaze. Murphy licked his lips, hoping Connor would make a move…..any move. God please, just let it happen.

Connor recognized the look in his brother’s eyes, he knew it well…..he’d seen it his entire life but now Murphy wasn’t trying to cloak it. Now Connor knew what it meant. Connor stared back with the same intensity, the same need, the same love and desire. He could stare into Murphy’s ocean blue eyes for hours.

When Connor did nothing but stare, when he didn’t try to kiss him or push his hands away to remove his pants, Murphy looked away in disappointment. Figures…..Connor wasn’t about to do anything, not even kiss him. Maybe what his inner voice was telling him was true. Maybe Connor just couldn’t love him the way he wanted him to, the way he needed him to.

“Don’t start something you’re not going to finish, Connor. Okay?”

Murphy surprised his brother with his words, his plea. Connor studied his expression. He’d seen shades of Murphy’s insecurity recently but he didn’t realize how deep it ran. Until he saw this look on his face.

“What’s this all about?”

Murphy shrugged and wished he hadn’t said anything about Connor putting him to bed, it was too fucking much. It was his own fault if he got hurt, he shouldn’t have pushed Connor…..he should have known better.

“I’m giving you your out, Connor. I’ll tell Ma you took good care of me and put me to bed. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” He took a deep breath and quietly finished with a soft, “It’s okay, I understand.”

Murphy released Connor’s wrists and took a step back, waiting for Connor to leave. He was prepared to watch his twin’s back as he exited their room, he was prepared to be alone.

“Murphy, I fucking want you, okay? I can’t be any clearer than that.” Connor ran his hand through his spiky hair, pausing to rub the back of his neck, his fingers pressing into his skin to soothe the tension in his muscles. “We’re not ready to have sex just yet though. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to fuck your brains out…..because I do. So please, _please_ don’t doubt us, okay?”

The insecurities Murphy felt were completely obliterated by the look in Connor’s eyes, by the honest words from his lips and by the love Murphy felt coming from Connor’s heart. Murphy wouldn’t doubt Connor anymore, not ever again.

Connor was true to his promise to their mother. He put Murphy to bed and he took care of his twin, happily joining Murphy under the covers when he asked Connor to stay. Connor held Murphy in his arms, he whispered sweet words in his ear and they kissed the afternoon away, lost in the warmth of each other. In between their wet kisses, Murphy asked Connor for another date and Connor readily agreed, thrilled that Murphy was the one taking the initiative this time.

And even though they did nothing more than kiss for hours in Murphy’s bed, Murphy knew by the look in Connor’s eyes that it wouldn’t be much longer before they’d consummate their love. And if Murphy was lucky, it might be as soon as their next date.


	42. I Want You So Bad

Murphy drifted off to sleep in Connor’s arms, his warm body wrapped around his brother with barely an inch of skin not touching. It was a hunger Murphy had, a need to constantly touch Connor and know he was near, even while sleeping.

Not that Connor would complain. He loved how Murphy clung to him, how his hot breath felt on his bare chest and how his soft hair tickled his neck. Murphy fit perfectly in the crook of his shoulder like he belonged there, which in fact he did. Connor ran his thumb over his brother’s shoulder and down his bicep as he pressed his face into Murph’s hair, breathing in as slowly as possible and drawing as much Murphy into his nose as he could. He could stay like this forever, just holding his twin and listening to him breathe…..savoring his sweet essence.

Murphy was everything he ever wanted and he’d been right under Connor’s nose the whole time, just waiting to be noticed, just wanting to be loved. He yearned to tell Murphy the wait was over, Connor had fallen in love with him….completely, head over heels, madly in love. But as weird as it sounded, it was too soon to say those words.

He knew Murphy was in love with him and had been for years but Connor was only aware of this after overhearing his conversation with Jonathan; Murphy had yet to tell Connor himself. And if Murphy wasn’t ready to _say_ the words, he might not be ready to _hear_ the words. With a soft sigh and an even softer kiss to the top of Murphy’s tangled mess of hair, Connor decided words could wait.

Murphy stirred in his arms and Connor pulled him closer, reaching down to pull the blanket over their cooling skin. Connor’s mind drifted and he let it travel to places he really didn’t want to go, dark places full of terrifying things. But he couldn’t avoid it any longer, he had to figure shit out.

Father O’Shea…..something happened to Murphy at the hands of that priest, Connor was certain of that. But what? It was more than what Murphy told him on the beach, more than just that priest telling Murphy he was going to hell because he liked boys. It was bad enough Murphy believed that shit but it wasn’t the whole story, not with the look Murphy got in his eye whenever he talked about their “meetings.”

_‘He couldn’t fix me, Connor.’_

Those words Murphy whispered on the beach rang through Connor’s mind and they clawed at Connor’s heart, ripping it slowly to shreds. Murphy thought he was broken…..he _still_ thought he was broken, as if being gay made Murphy any less perfect or any less beautiful. Murphy was the most beautiful person Connor knew, inside and out, and Connor vowed to make sure his brother would realize that one day.

Connor’s mind flashed to the look on his younger half’s face when he was beating Jonathan, the way Murphy’s face contorted when he screamed he hated Father O’Shea. It was obvious Murphy was somewhere else in his mind…..he was 16 and alone in the rectory with that priest; he was reliving whatever horror he suffered.

_Stop fucking touching me….._ Murphy had yelled that the loudest, over and over, and at the time those words seemed to be directed at Jonathan and what he did in the pub. But now that Connor had time to think and focus solely on what Murphy said and did, on what he might have meant, the pieces of this intricate puzzle started to fall into place and Connor felt sick seeing the picture that was forming.

Fucking hell, maybe those screams weren’t meant for Jonathan after all. Maybe those screams were meant for someone else. Connor took a shuddering breath as he thought about his Murphy, helpless and trapped…..a skinny little 16 year old shit at Father O’Shea’s mercy, or lack of mercy. Murph would have been no match for the priest, none at all.

Connor took another deep breath as he tried to stay calm and not flip the fuck out. His head pounded and his pulse raced as his heartache developed and grew exponentially, threatening to overtake his emotions. Connor wanted to pummel the man who dared hurt his love. He wanted to cocoon Murphy in the safety of his arms and never let him go…..Connor wanted to fucking cry and never stop.

This wasn’t about Connor being overprotective; this was about abuse of the worst kind. It didn’t matter if it happened two years ago, two days ago or two minutes ago…..if someone hurt his Murphy, then Connor would make that fucker pay.

But he had to be sure…..he had to stay calm, not jump to conclusions and figure this shit out. He could be wrong. Jesus, _please_ let him be wrong.

He’d have to get Murphy to open up and talk, he might have to push a little. With a sick feeling in his stomach, Connor remembered what happened the last time he pushed Murph.....when Connor questioned him about the hickeys on his neck. Murphy freaked out, he’d broken down before finally running away from Connor by sneaking out the window.

Connor clenched his eyes shut, willing that memory to stop haunting him. He couldn’t take it if Murphy ran from him again, he’d lose his shit for sure. And he certainly couldn’t be the cause of his brother’s pain, he’d rather die first. Connor had to find out what happened but he had to be careful, he had to be gentle. He had to treat Murphy like he might break…..because if Connor pushed too hard, that’s exactly what might happen.

Murphy woke to the comforting warmth of Connor but before he even opened his eyes, he knew something was wrong. He felt tension in the fingers lazily stroking his bare shoulder, he felt the concern between their hearts and the disquiet between their minds; Connor was consumed with worry.

“Conn?” That muted call of his name pulled Connor from his dark imagination and away from the blame he was about to heap upon himself. His brother’s whispery soft voice had a tendency to calm him and this time was no exception. As soon as Murphy spoke, Connor calmed.

Connor looked at his twin, his eyes clouded by tears yet to be shed and he tried to blink them away, hoping Murphy was too tired to notice. But Murphy missed nothing about Connor, he saw it all…..the wet eyes, the worried crease of his brow, the tension in his mouth. Murphy stared back, mirroring his brother’s concerned look.

“What’s wrong?” Murphy’s eyes instinctively widened in fear as he propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at his reclining brother, wondering what the fuck happened during those few minutes he had fallen asleep.

Connor sniffed quietly as he blinked a bit faster and despite his wet eyes, the corners of Connor’s mouth turned upward in a slight smile as he tried to ease Murphy’s jitters. He couldn’t let Murphy worry about him; it was Connor’s job to do the worrying.

“Nothing’s wrong, Murph.”

“Bullshit. You’re crying, Connor. Now what the fuck’s wrong?” Murphy didn’t usually demand answers but when he did, his firm voice gave Connor a thrill each and every time.

Connor shook his head dismissively, hoping Murphy would let him off the hook and he reached toward his brother’s face to brush the hair from his eyes. Connor’s hands had been in Murphy’s hair during their vigorous kissing session and the result was a mop of auburn hair that was mangled and sticking up everywhere. Connor’s fingers tenderly combed through the thick strands as he busied himself with attempts to push his brother’s hair back into place, Murphy watching his face closely as his fingers played.

“Conn…..answer me.” He tried to get Connor to look at him but all his brother did was pet his hair and avoid his eyes.

“Your hair grows so fast, Murph. I’ll have to cut it again pretty soon.”

The fact that Connor clumsily tried to avoid his question scared Murphy and his voice reflected that fear. “Connor, I mean it, you can’t just--”

Connor placed his fingers on his brother’s lips, halting his words with a gentle “Hush, Murph.” He successfully blinked the tears from his own eyes but not the worry from Murphy’s. “I’m fine, okay?”

Murphy studied his brother, his eyes steadfast and his breath hot on Connor’s skin. He didn’t know why Connor was upset, he just knew he didn’t like it.

Murphy puckered his lips and gently kissed the tips of the fingers that rested against his mouth, trying to comfort his brother with a loving gesture. Connor’s smile broadened and he traced Murphy’s kiss swollen lips with his index finger before ending with a firm stroke over his full bottom lip, gently pulling downward and coating his finger with moisture.

“You have the sexiest mouth, Murph. I love your lips.”

“You’re trying to change the subject.” Connor almost succeeded in distracting him…..almost. But short of Connor putting his hand in his boxers and touching his dick, Murphy wouldn’t be deterred. Not when he saw Connor with tears in his eyes, not when he knew his brother was in pain.

Connor needed to know what happened with the priest but he was so frightened of Murphy’s answer. What if Murphy confirmed his suspicion that he was molested…..or maybe raped? Connor would fucking lose it if he heard the confirmation he feared most.

“What is it, Connor?”

Connor couldn’t answer Murphy’s question, not without asking questions of his own and those questions held the potential of a Murphy freak-out. As much as Connor needed answers most desperately, his protective instinct was stronger than his need for knowledge. He had to get that look off his face and stop Murphy’s unfounded concern.

So Connor lied to his brother about why he’d been close to tears, explaining it had to do with what happened in the pub and on the road…..which in a way, it did. Murphy listened carefully to Connor’s cleverly crafted tale and his anxiety slowly receded, his head nodding in understanding as he began to accept what Connor spoon fed him.

As Connor saw his brother begin to relax, he knew he made the right call. He’d be gentle with his Murph, just like he planned. He’d fish for information in a roundabout way until he pieced every loose end together and came up with a clear picture. It might take time, but Connor MacManus was a patient man. And until he had his answers, he’d stay calm and he wouldn’t panic.

 

********

 

Connor’s growling stomach drove him from his twin’s bed. If not for his hunger pangs, he’d still be wrapped in a Murphy blanket instead of standing in front of the stove warming soup and making grilled cheese sandwiches. But once Murphy heard the low grumble from his belly, once it dawned on him that Connor hadn’t eaten all day, Murphy practically pushed Connor out of his bed and insisted he get something to eat.

Connor argued in vain that he really wasn’t that hungry, his growling stomach only sounded so fucking loud because Murphy had his ear resting on his chest. He wanted to stay where he was, in Murphy’s bed…..with Murph.

Connor lost that argument in record time. Murphy wouldn’t let Connor go hungry…..Connor needed to eat and that’s all there was to it. With no further discussion and a point of his finger at the door, Connor was banished from their bedroom.

Connor slowly stirred the soup, watching steam start to rise as he waited for his twin to join him. Without hearing a sound, he felt Murphy’s presence in the kitchen…..the little wanker could be so quiet if he tried.

Murphy stood in the doorway with his eyes trained on the barefoot man at the stove. It was incredibly sexy seeing Connor cooking in only his jeans…..which Murphy noticed were unbuttoned and partially unzipped. Looking like Connor did, half-naked and so fucking beautiful…..Connor would surely be the death of him.

With a slight tilt of his head, Connor turned to look at his brother. It wasn’t odd to catch Murphy staring and Connor loved how his brother watched him, how his eyes barely blinked whenever Connor was in the room…..how full of love those beautiful eyes always were. But he especially loved how incredibly shy Murphy would become whenever Connor caught him looking.

Murphy dipped his head momentarily and he let his hair hide his eyes as a crimson blush colored his cheeks. He smiled in embarrassment before quietly confessing, “You look good cooking, Conn.”

“Yeah?”

Murphy slowly nodded, his eyes peeking out from under his shaggy bangs and darting to Connor’s chest for the briefest moment before they returned to his smoking hot brother’s face. Connor was smirking at his reaction and that smirk made Murphy’s blood turn to butter.

“Well, my dear Murphy,” Connor said as he turned back to the stove and gently flipped the grilled cheese with a spatula, “my boyfriend once told me he thought it was romantic when someone cooked for him. So if I look good cooking, it’s because I’m thinking about _him.”_

Sometimes Connor shocked the fuck out of his brother. And this was one of those times. “You remember that conversation?”

“Course I do.” Connor wasn’t lying…..he remembered every word Murphy ever said.

There was silence as Connor cooked and Murphy watched, both sets of eyes looking at the other in a near constant gaze. Finally Murphy couldn’t stand it any longer, he needed some Connor loving right fucking now. He closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around Connor’s waist, pressing his chest into his brother’s bare back and melding their bodies into one.

“What are you doing, Murph?” Connor laughed as he tried not to grind his ass into the heat behind him. He knew what Murphy was doing and he loved every fucking minute of it.

Connor felt so good in his arms and Murphy licked repeatedly at Connor’s ear, gently teasing his earlobe with his teeth as his hot breath gave his brother shivers. He pushed his groin into Connor’s ass and forced Connor’s hips forward to press painfully against the edge of the appliance as Murphy trapped him between the hot stove and his even hotter body.

“I have a secret to tell you, Connor,” Murphy whispered in his ear as his hands roamed freely over Connor’s chest, feeling every sinewy muscle in the athletic body of his boyfriend. His hands paused when they reached Connor’s nipples and he alternated between pinching and pulling the hardening nubs as Connor tried not to groan.

Between the hot breath on his neck, the hot tongue in his ear and the hot hands on his chest, Murphy was driving him fucking insane. And getting him fucking hard. Murphy rolled his nipples between his fingers and Connor gripped the ceramic appliance in his hands as he struggled to remain in control of his faculties.

“Fuck, Murph. Don’t you fucking stop,” Connor pleaded, his voice husky and full of desire.

Murphy pressed his lips against Connor’s ear and he whispered as softly as he could, “You were the tall sexy blonde I was talking about that day. The one I wanted to climb. It was always _you,_ Connor.”

Connor already knew this secret of Murphy’s; he’d figured it out one quiet night in his bed shortly after he learned of Murphy’s feelings. But Murphy confessing his “secret” was a huge step for his brother, it meant he was even closer to confessing his love.

Connor pushed his ass into his brother’s crotch as Murphy placed a trail of soft kisses down the side of his neck and onto his shoulder, the painful pressure from the stove alleviated in lieu of the painful pressure between Connor’s legs.

Murphy’s left hand continued to tease Connor’s nipple while his right slid straight down Connor’s chest and past his navel, cupping his twin’s package through his loose fitting jeans, the heel of his palm pressing against the stiffness and beginning a slow grinding motion. This time Connor couldn’t stop his moan from resounding in the kitchen and Murphy smiled against Connor’s shoulder at his brother’s loud vocal response…..it was the sexiest thing _ever_ to make Connor moan like that.

Murphy was just as hard as the dick he was playing with and his skin was just as overheated. Connor’s body was such a turn on…..fuck, _Connor_ was such a turn on and Murphy hoped his twin wouldn’t stop him this time.

Connor wanted Murphy so fucking bad; he’s all Connor thought about since he found out about Murphy’s feelings. No one but Murphy mattered, that’s the way it always was and the way it always would be. Even their Ma didn’t fucking matter. It was like no one else existed in his world…..only his Murph.

Murphy knew just how to touch him, he knew exactly what to do to get Connor’s motor running and Connor couldn’t believe how fucking good it felt to have Murphy’s hand rubbing his cock through his jeans. Connor felt like he was losing his mind as Murphy picked up the rhythm…..fucking hell, Connor couldn’t even think, he only felt.

One lone thought pierced the fog in Connor’s brain.....he thought about fucking Murphy on the kitchen floor, right here, right fucking now.

The smell of burning cheese pulled Connor back to his senses. It made his focus shift from the pleasure between his legs to the smoke in front of his eyes.

Black smoke rose from the tiny flames on the pan and Connor cursed loudly as he sprang into action, roughly pushing his brother off his back as he grabbed for the pan.

Murphy was blindsided by Connor’s abrupt action and he stumbled backward, tripping over his feet and falling to the floor with a painful thud. He was completely lost in Connor and he wouldn’t have noticed the house burning down let alone sandwiches burning to a crisp on the stove. He watched from the floor as Connor turned off the stove and hurriedly took the smoking pan to the sink before the smoke detector went off.

“Jesus, Murph! We could have burned the house down. What the fuck were ya thinking?”

Connor loudly chastised him as he scraped what were once sandwiches from the blackened pan with the spatula, the crunching sound of burnt bread echoing in the quiet room. He filled the pan with cool water to let it soak and when he turned to look for his brother, Connor was shocked to see he was no longer in the room.

The door creaked as Connor stepped onto the back porch and he slowly walked to where his twin was sitting on the steps. Murphy didn’t look up, he sat perfectly still as Connor watched him from above.

“What are you doing, Murphy?”

Murphy’s answer came in the form of a shrug; Murphy had no idea what he was doing…..none at all.

“Are you hurt?”

“No, Conn,” Murphy took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

Connor sat next to him on the steps and he stared at his brother’s profile as he waited for Murphy to say something. When Murphy failed to speak, when all he did was pick at his nails, Connor began to get worried. He didn’t like the weirdo tension that had formed between them and he really didn’t like how quiet Murphy had become.

“Fire is a hell of a way to kill a moment, right?”

Murphy laughed quietly, Connor was right about that…..fire was a fucking mood killer. “The worst.”

Connor mumbled something about the pan being ruined and how upset their mother would be once she found out but Murphy tuned his brother out. Connor was talking just to fill the voids, he always babbled about inconsequential things whenever Murphy was too quiet to suit him.

But Murphy was quiet for a reason…..he was thinking. He couldn’t stop thinking about what might have happened if they weren’t forced to stop right then…..or what might _not_ have happened.

“Connor? How long are you gonna make me wait?”

Murphy’s question stopped Connor’s words midsentence, the confusion on his face evident. “Wait for what?”

Connor was so fucking stupid sometimes. Murphy finally looked at him and he quickly shifted on the step to face Connor more straight-on; he wanted to see Connor’s face when they spoke.

“You said you wanted me, Connor…..but…..but it just seems like every time I try to be with you, every time I make a move, something stops us. And I know fire is a real good fucking reason, okay? But I’m not just talking about right now. You keep saying no to me…..so I guess I was just wondering if you were ever going to say yes.”

Murphy wanted to kick himself. He’d promised only a few hours earlier he wouldn’t doubt his brother or their relationship any more. But here he was, being a fucking insecure little shit again. No wonder Connor didn’t want to fuck him, it made total sense.

“Look at me, Murphy.”

Murphy didn’t realize he had looked away, he was too busy yelling at himself in his own mind, too involved with putting himself down and debasing his worth. But as he looked into Connor’s eyes, none of those things were reflected. Murphy only saw the love and understanding that had been there since birth, although now it was more intense and peppered with a large dose of lusty desire. Now it was better than ever before.

Connor was patient with his insecure and beautifully complex boyfriend and he almost told Murphy the truth about what happened in the kitchen.....that if the fire hadn’t happened, Connor wouldn’t have stopped this time. But the moment couldn’t be recaptured and telling Murphy would only make him ache for the missed opportunity, so Connor held his tongue.

“When the time’s right, I’ll say yes. I promise you I won’t hesitate. Okay?”

“But when will that be?”

Connor laughed, he loved how enthusiastic and impatient his brother was…..his beautiful, beautiful Murph. Connor reached for Murphy’s hand and he laced their fingers together before he squeezed gently. “God, Murph, I don’t know. Look…..I know it feels like forever but that’s only because we’re twins. We really haven’t been boyfriends that long.”

Murphy nodded, trying to calm his frayed nerves and his unspent sexual energy. “I feel like I can’t take the waiting sometimes, you know? I just want you so fucking bad, Connor.”

“I know, I feel the same way about you. But trust me, okay? It’ll happen.”

Murphy trusted Connor but still he ached, still he worried, still he wondered when….. _fucking when?_

 

********

 

“I have big plans for you tonight, Connor MacManus.”

Murphy whispered those words into his brother’s ear between classes a few days later and when Connor lifted his eyebrows in an unspoken question, the only answer he got was an evil smirk on his brother’s face.

“Murph…..what plans?”

Murphy laughed at his brother…..Connor was so easy to tease sometimes. Connor never could stand not knowing something, especially a secret; it would bug the shit out of him until he figured it out. Connor looked like he was dying already.

“You’ll see,” Murphy answered cryptically, enjoying every fucking minute of Connor’s torture. This was great fun, even better than watching Connor try to find his Christmas presents every year. “Just go straight home after school, okay?”

“What are you up to, you little shit?”

Murphy leaned close once more and placed his hand on his brother’s bicep as his lips brushed against Connor’s ear. Murphy did his best to make the contact look incidental to any nearby classmates while still having an intimate moment with his boyfriend.

“Date night, Connor.”


	43. Heaven

The house shouldn’t be this quiet.

Connor expected Murphy to be waiting for him at home but instead, the house was empty and devoid of life. His voice echoed through the house as Connor called his brother’s name but there was no response, only continued silence. Fucking hell, Connor hated being home without his brother…..this house just wasn’t a home without his Murphy here.

Where the fuck was he anyway? Murphy had skipped their last two classes of the day after giving Connor strict instructions to come straight home after school…..it was date night. Connor found that to be quite amusing, seeing as it was Wednesday, but who was he to argue if his boyfriend wanted to have date night during the week. Connor thought it was kind of cute actually…..and terribly romantic.

He made his way up the stairs to their bedroom, feeling slightly uneasy not knowing where his brother was. The little wanker should be home but judging by the mess that greeted Connor in their room, Murphy had obviously been here and left. His school books were thrown haphazardly on his bed, his dresser drawers were half open and the clothes he’d worn earlier that day were lying in a pile on the floor along with a wet towel, Murphy having showered after he came home. Even the desk itself was askew with the bottom drawer left open, the drawer that held the dictionary.

Connor removed the heavy book, thumbing it open to the letter “L” and easily finding the pictures Murphy hid inside. He ran his finger over the photo booth pictures of them kissing, remembering how sweet that mouth tasted, how warm Murphy felt on his lap and how absolutely perfect they were together. That was one of the best days in Connor’s life. He felt the lingering vibration of his brother’s touch on the glossy images and with a soft exhale of his hot breath, Connor returned the pictures to their hiding place in the dictionary. His heart swelled when he noticed the word “love” on the particular page Murphy chose…..love was definitely the correct word.

After returning the book to the safety of the drawer, Connor looked with a critical eye at the mess in their room. He could always gauge the level of Murphy’s anxiety by the mess he left in his wake…..and judging by what _‘Hurricane Murphy’_ left behind, his brother was obviously nervous.

As was customary, Connor began to clean up after his brother…..putting his dresser back in order, putting Murph’s clothes away and hanging the towel in their bathroom to dry. Connor smirked as he did these chores, he understood his brother and his mindset; Murphy would have been so distracted thinking about tonight that he never would have noticed the mess he made. But that was his Murph…..a bundle of nervous energy, oblivious to the havoc he created.

Fifteen minutes later, Connor was gazing at himself in the bathroom mirror as he ran his hands through his hair, attempting to fix it as best he could with just his fingers. He tilted his head from side to side as he worked, examining his reflection from every angle. Connor wanted to look good for Murphy when he finally got home; he wanted to look sexy for his man and their date.

His own nerves made their presence known when he thought about being alone with Murphy tonight. Connor was so fucking nervous, more nervous than any other date he’d ever been on with the possible exception of their first date. He quietly laughed at himself; he needed to calm the fuck down or else he’d pass out. But try as he might, he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking whenever he thought about Murphy and how much he wanted him. He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans before his hands returned to his hair, again trying to get it just right.

Murphy said he had big plans for tonight and knowing Murph, that could mean just about anything. But all Connor really wanted was to spend time alone with his boyfriend; talking, laughing, kissing…..and maybe making love. If Connor had his way, tonight they’d stay home and just play.

When Murphy poked his head into the open doorway of their bathroom to look for his date, he couldn’t help but stare. Connor was so fucking beautiful he took Murphy’s breath away and he made his heart pound harder in his chest. He loved watching Connor when his brother didn’t know he was there…..Connor wasn’t self-conscious at all, he had a natural beauty of movement and he made the cutest facial expressions Murphy had ever seen. It didn’t matter what Connor was doing, Murphy could watch him for hours on end.

Connor pulled at the little spikes in his hair as he tilted his head once more, still not noticing his brother. Then it dawned on Murphy what his twin was doing and he bit his lip in complete happiness. Connor was primping in front of the mirror….. _for him._

Murphy continued to watch in awe but Connor couldn’t improve on his appearance, it just wasn’t possible.....in Murphy’s eyes, Connor was already complete perfection.

“You look really nice, Connor.”

Connor jumped at the soft sound of Murphy’s voice; he’d been so focused that he never heard Murphy come home and Connor wondered how long his brother had silently observed him. Murphy stood in the doorway with a huge grin on his face and a mischievous sparkle in his eye, looking pleased as punch at being so inconspicuous.

“Make a little noise next time, Murph,” Connor chastised his twin with a joking lilt to his voice as he turned to face his little brother, matching him smirk for smirk as he leaned his butt against the sink. He crossed his arms over his chest and he let his eyes travel slowly down Murphy’s lean body.

Murphy shifted on his feet and he began to squirm under Connor’s steady gaze…..it looked like Connor was undressing him with his eyes, which in fact he was. Connor suppressed a slight laugh at Murphy’s reaction; he had the ability to make his twin extremely nervous, although that was not his intent. Connor just wanted to do a little looking himself.

“You keep me waiting and then you scare the living shit out of me. It’s a hell of a date so far,” he quietly teased with a cocky tilt of his head as his eyes returned to his brother’s suddenly nervous looking face.

“The date hasn’t started yet, Connor.”

“No?”

Murphy shook his head slowly and he hoped Connor wouldn’t be disappointed with what he planned for tonight. Murphy never planned a date before…..both Jonathan and Connor planned everything when they went on their dates but tonight, Murphy was in charge. And his dating experience was nothing compared to Connor’s.

Murphy lowered his head and he stared at his feet as the realization of the situation sunk in. He really fucked up…..he told Connor he had big plans for him tonight but he should have just kept his big fucking mouth shut. He had no idea what he was doing and Connor would probably think the date was stupid because that’s what it was. Fucking stupid. All Murphy wanted was for Connor to feel special but instead, Murphy would probably leave Connor feeling nothing but disappointed.

“You okay, Murph?”

Murphy forced himself to put on a brave face and he looked Connor in the eye as he tried to smile. He didn’t want to ruin tonight by making Connor worry…..tonight was for romance. “Nothing’s wrong, Conn. I’m just nervous.”

Connor raised his eyebrow and lowered his chin, giving Murphy his best _‘it’ll be okay’_ look. “Myself as well. But we’re together and that’s all that matters. So let’s just have fun tonight, okay?”

Murphy nodded eagerly, he liked when Connor took control of a situation, even if it was only in this small regard. But now all Murphy wanted to do was take Connor outside and show him what he did, he wanted him to smile with joy and astonishment. Murphy wanted his Connor to know just how special he truly was.

Murphy lifted his arm and held his hand out for his date, patiently waiting for Connor to place his hand in his.

“Are we finally starting the date, then?”

Murphy nodded slowly in answer to Connor’s question, his hand still empty and waiting for the warmth of Connor’s touch. Murphy’s eyes were wide with both anticipation and fear of what could happen tonight, both emotions plainly visible to his older half and giving him pause.

Connor recognized the look in his brother’s eye as well as the importance of this night and after that moment’s hesitation, he quietly said, “I didn’t have a chance to shower, Murph. Can you wait until I clean up a bit first?”

“No. I like you dirty.” Murphy’s voice was husky and full of promises yet to be fulfilled…..promises of not only sweet, gentle lovemaking but downright dirty fucking. “Besides, I plan to dirty you up quite a bit tonight.”

With those breathy words, Connor placed his hand in Murphy’s warm grip, giving in to his brother’s whim. Murphy laced their fingers together as he turned to lead him from their bedroom, pulling gently on his hand as they both tried to keep their excitement at bay.

Connor didn’t question where he was being led; he would allow Murphy to take him anywhere on God’s green earth but when they reached the barn, Connor was at a complete loss and his face reflected his puzzlement. His analytical brain couldn’t figure out why they were here, other than maybe Murphy had a car or motorcycle inside and he was prepared to whisk them away. But neither was dressed to go out so that didn’t make much sense.

“You figure it out yet?” Murphy asked teasingly as he watched Connor try to put the pieces together. He liked to keep Connor guessing, he looked so fucking cute with his brow furrowed and his mind diligently working. A confused Connor was a fucking sexy Connor.

Connor hadn’t figured anything out, least of all what Murphy planned for them and he admitted this with a shake of his head. Murphy laughed with glee, sounding like he did every Christmas morning when he gave Connor the present he failed to find in his snooping expeditions. Connor couldn’t help but laugh along with his brother, Murphy sounded exactly like he did when they were ten.

Murphy opened the barn door just enough for the brothers to slip inside and Connor followed him into the darkened structure, his eyes squinting as he tried to see but failing to make out anything clearly. The sun was low in the sky and what tiny bit of sunlight filtered in through the slats only created eerie shadows and shapes, making it damn near impossible to see much of anything.

“Wait here…..and don’t you dare move, Connor.” Murphy instructed before he released the grip on Connor’s hand and left him alone in the middle of the barn.

Connor stayed put, he’d never risk messing up whatever Murphy had worked so hard to prepare but he couldn’t help but laugh when he heard a loud thud and whispered curses in Gaelic.

“You okay, Murph? Do I need to do mouth to mouth?”

His question was answered with a muted laugh from across the barn, Murphy apparently liking that thought. “Maybe later, Connor. Just keep your britches on for now.”

As Connor waited, his nose was met with unusual smells, considering where he was. It certainly didn’t smell like a barn in here, it smelled clean and fresh with traces of flowers…..and pizza. Connor suppressed his laugh, Murphy would be hurt if he heard Connor laughing right now but holy fuck…..what did Murphy do?

Then the lights came on and Connor’s mouth hung open as he saw exactly what the fuck Murphy did.

It was amazing…..completely and utterly amazing in every sense and Connor’s eyes could barely take it all in. Murphy had strung hundreds of tiny white Christmas lights along the rafters and beams throughout the barn, creating a gentle twinkling effect that softly lit the area in a romantic glow. Connor turned in place, his eyes looking up and around the room in awe…..this must have taken days to complete.

His eyes fell upon the table set for two in the middle of the room, the chairs side by side in anticipation of a romantic meal and Connor wondered where Murphy got the white tablecloth. Resting on that tablecloth was a vase of the wildflowers Connor loved from their field, Murphy obviously hand picking them himself that day.

“Do you like it?”

Connor was overcome with emotion…..his Murphy did all this just for him. No one had ever done anything this amazing for him before and Connor was close to tears. He couldn’t speak, he could only nod as his eyes sought out his love.

Murphy closely watched Connor’s reaction and when their eyes met, Murphy was staggered by the tears in his brother’s eyes. He whispered softly, “I take that as a yes.”

Connor laughed and wiped at his wet eyes, again nodding his head. He cleared his throat and finally found his voice. “Yes, Murphy…..fucking yes, I love it. I can’t—I just can’t believe you did all this for me.” He motioned with his hand in the air as his eyes looked around once again before they returned to his brother’s beaming face. “It’s incredible….. _you’re_ incredible. Thank you so much, Murph. It’s just beautiful.”

Murphy nodded in response as a blush grew on his face and he watched Connor close the distance between them until he stopped directly in front of Murphy. He waited for Connor to say something but Connor wasn’t interested in words, Connor was interested in lips.

Connor stared at Murphy’s mouth for a moment before he took his brother by the chin and lifted his head for better access. Connor’s tongue gently licked at his brother’s mouth, tickling his lips with feather light strokes as Murphy smiled in response. He dipped his tongue between Murphy’s parted lips and it was welcomed into Murphy’s mouth with a soft sigh from his brother.

Murphy’s tongue played back as they tasted each other’s mouths, the kiss deepening as Connor pushed his hands into Murphy’s hair, gripping the auburn locks tightly and holding his brother’s head in the position he liked best…..the position that allowed his mouth to take complete ownership of Murphy’s lips and tongue.

Murphy’s hands went around Connor’s waist and he slid his fingers under the hem of his shirt and up his back, his nails lightly scratching Connor’s skin and causing gooseflesh to form. Connor’s back arched in response and a slight smile formed as he pulled his lips from Murphy’s mouth. Even though Murphy could barely breathe, he wasn’t ready to let Connor’s mouth go just yet. He wanted more.

“Don’t, Connor.”

All Connor needed to hear was that breathless plea from the sexy boy in his arms and he was a goner, he just couldn’t resist. A bruising kiss took Murphy’s breath away once again and Connor felt the awakening of his cock as it lurched in response to his brother’s leg that now pressed between his thighs. Murphy’s body melted into Connor’s warmth and his fingers pushed into Connor’s back in a blind attempt to pull him even closer. He sucked Connor’s tongue until his brother slowly retreated minutes later and his delicious wet mouth left Murphy once again.

“Conn,” Murphy quietly whispered his name as his eyes begged for more…..and before Murphy said it, Connor knew the next word he would hear. “Don’t.”

Fucking hell, Murphy was his biggest temptation. Connor wanted to heed his brother’s request to not stop, he wanted to give in to those eyes and those lips…..he wanted to lose himself in Murphy once again. It would be so easy to do…..just lower his head and kiss those soft lips some more. Murphy was what Connor ached for with every ounce of his being and he knew without a doubt Murphy felt the same way.

Murphy’s fingers kneaded his back and Connor smiled at his brother’s attempts to work him, not only with his voice and eyes but now with his fingers. Murphy was becoming quite masterful but if Connor didn’t take a breather, their fun would be over before it really began.

“We have all night to play, Murph.” Connor gently kissed Murphy’s already swollen lips and he cupped Murphy’s face in his hands, his thumbs stroking his brother’s sharp cheekbones. “But we need to take a break or else you’ll get me so fucking hot I’ll cum in my pants.”

 

********

 

“Is this a sheet?” Connor snickered as he sat at the table and pulled at their makeshift “tablecloth,” his eyes dancing with merriment at his brother’s inventiveness.

Murphy had tied the ends of a sheet together under the table in an attempt to hide what it was and he hoped Connor wouldn’t notice…..but of course he did. Murphy shrugged as he fumbled with an explanation, his face red with embarrassment.

“I wanted it to look classy but it’s all I had.”

“You do realize we’re in a barn, right Murph?” Connor laughed as he motioned with his hand to their surroundings, strangely proud of his clever brother. Connor was flattered by Murphy’s efforts and he was too amused by his use of a sheet to notice his brother’s reaction. “Well, I guess a white sheet is classier than the purple sheets you currently have on your bed, right?”

Murphy dipped his head as he stared at the stupid sheet on the stupid table. What a fucking joke. He should have just put his purple sheets on the table; it was just as stupid as Murphy thinking a sheet would pass as a classy white tablecloth in a fucking barn.

He stood and stacked Connor’s plate onto his own and he tossed them into the empty pizza box on the floor. That was another fucking stupid thing he did…..he served Connor pizza. This was supposed to be a romantic date and what does Murphy serve his boyfriend? Fucking pizza. That’ll make Connor want to fuck him for sure.

The funny thing was, pizza seemed like a good idea at the time. Murphy couldn’t cook worth shit…..in fact, Connor joked Murphy didn’t cook, he burned. Murphy couldn’t afford much and he wanted Connor to eat something he loved and pizza was his favorite; Murphy even picked it up from Connor’s “usual” across town. But now Murphy realized how fucking stupid that was…..pizza wasn’t romantic, even if his reasons for serving it were.

Murphy kicked the pizza box and rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand, trying to stave off tears. There was no way he’d tell Connor what else he planned for tonight…..it was all just as stupid as the fucking pizza and sheet.

“I just wanted everything to be special, Connor. I’m sorry if you think it’s dumb.”

Murphy squatted next to the table and he began to pull at the sheet in an attempt to untie it. What a fucking jerk he was…..he’d take this dumb fucking sheet off the stupid table right fucking now.

“What are you doing? Leave it on, Murph.”

“No, Connor. It’s dumb.”

Murphy pulled harder on the knot but he’d tied it too tight and it wasn’t giving. Connor watched his brother struggle for a moment as he tried to figure out what the fuck just happened. He rethought their conversation and with a pain in his heart, Connor saw the tears forming in his brother’s eyes and he realized he hurt his Murph. It had been unintentional but he still hurt him.

“Murph, stop.” Connor squatted next to him and he grabbed Murphy by his wrists, pulling his hands from the sheet. Murphy growled and roughly pulled himself free, his hands returning to the knot in the linen. As was typical, Murphy’s pain had turned to anger.

“Come on, Murph.” Connor got a better hold on his brother’s wrists this time and he twisted them so Murphy was forced to turn in his direction. Murphy instantly struggled but Connor was prepared and he held on tight, pushing his angry brother onto his ass.

“Fucking let me go, Connor.”

With Murphy on his ass and Connor squatting over him, Connor held the stronger position. Murphy tried to fight him as best he could but Connor pushed Murphy’s wrists into his chest, forcing him onto his back. That’s when they rolled.

Murphy twisted and rolled over Connor, trying to pin him, but Connor in turn rolled as well. They rolled over each other until they ended up in a pile of hay with Connor on top, both breathing heavy into each other’s faces. Murphy again struggled beneath his brother as Connor straddled Murphy’s thighs and pinned him with his weight. Try as he might, with his legs pinned between his brother’s spread thighs, Murphy could barely move.

“Get off me, Connor!”

“Will you calm the fuck down and listen? I don’t think any of this is dumb, Murph. I swear I don’t.”

Murphy relaxed beneath his brother but Connor wasn’t about to fall for that old trick…..just in case. He readjusted his grip and shifted his body, holding Murphy’s gaze the entire time as his brother finally appeared to be listening.

“I think what you did is fucking incredible and I love it. I feel like the luckiest mother fucker on the planet to be with you. Don’t you see that?”

Murphy fought his tears…..he wanted to believe his brother but it just seemed so ridiculous. “But…..but how could you, Connor? How could you feel lucky to be with _me?_ I’m the stupid dork who brought you to a barn for pizza. That’s not romantic, it’s dumb.”

Connor released his brother’s wrists and he cupped Murphy’s face in his hands as he sat back on his heels, keeping the majority of his weight off his brother’s body while still straddling him. “You’re wrong, brother mine. This is the most romantic night of my life. Look around at what you did for me, Murph. Go on, look.”

Murphy looked at the hundreds of lights above them, each one twinkling softly just for Connor. He glanced at the table that had been set with Connor’s favorite food, the sheet still in place in Murphy’s attempt to class it up for Connor. And then he looked back at the man holding his face gently in his hands, the man he loved. His Connor.

“It’s not dumb, Murph. It’s fucking brilliant.”

Murphy half-cried and half-laughed, a smile and tears covering his face at the same time as Connor watched him from above. Murphy quietly sniffed and whispered in that soft voice he reserved only for his brother, “You make me so happy, Connor.”

They stared at each other in complete silence for a drawn out moment until they sprang into action in unison, both grabbing at each other, both mouths desperately kissing, both bodies struggling for dominance and melting into one.

Their kisses were somewhat violent in their intensity, their mutual need overwhelming as they nipped at lips and sucked on tongues. They were erratic and uncontrolled; they were passionate and forceful…..they were feral and completely untamed.

Connor had a thing for Murphy’s hair and he pushed his fingers deep into the thickness, grabbing handfuls and pulling as he repositioned Murphy’s head and thereby Murphy’s mouth for maximum tongue depth. Murphy relented to his brother’s control and he opened his mouth wider as Connor deepened his kiss, their tongues gliding and twisting together deep inside Murphy’s mouth.

Connor tasted fucking incredible and Murphy moaned loudly against Connor’s lips despite all attempts to remain quiet. He just couldn’t help the sounds he made; he couldn’t stifle them whatsoever when Connor kissed him this way and he no longer wanted to try.

Murphy’s hands were in constant movement, starting out with firm squeezes to Connor’s thighs before his hands slid to the broad back and muscular arms of his brother. As much as Connor had a thing for Murphy’s hair, Murphy had a thing for Connor’s arms and he took full advantage of his position.

Murphy’s fingers rubbed and pressed Connor’s biceps and when they reached his shirtsleeves, Murphy pushed them up to Connor’s shoulders like a redneck shirt. He now had access to every inch of Connor’s beautiful arms and he stroked his golden skin from wrists to shoulders.

Connor rocked forward on his knees while carefully keeping his mouth in contact with Murphy’s lips; he wasn’t about to lose that tongue to a position change. His left hand released his brother’s hair and he squirreled his fingers under the hem of Murphy’s shirt to hold his waist in a bruising grip. Murphy squirmed in response to Connor’s hot fingers pressing into his skin and Connor wiggled and twisted on top of him, straightening his legs and pulling at his twin’s hip until his body was positioned between Murphy’s now spread thighs.

Murphy didn’t know how it happened…..one minute Connor was straddling his legs and the next, Murphy’s thighs were spread open with Connor between them. Murphy barely registered the position change until he felt Connor’s hard cock urgently pressing between his legs.

As Connor grinded against his bulge, Murphy grabbed at Connor’s ass, pulling him closer, wanting more friction as he opened his legs wider and lifted his hips to grind back. Neither could mistake the hardness they felt in the other, their obvious excitement, their nearing loss of control. Murphy’s moan was louder than before and only muffled by Connor’s lips as their grinding escalated in both pressure and speed.

Murphy clawed at Connor’s shirt, his nails erroneously scratching his brother’s back…..he wanted that shirt off right fucking _now_ and Connor finally broke their kiss and lifted himself from Murphy’s body, kneeling between his open legs, their hard bulges no longer touching. Connor pulled his own shirt off and he tossed it to the side while he watched Murphy struggle for breath, his face flushed and his pupils blown to fucking hell and back.

Connor smiled at his overheated twin. Fuck…..if his Murphy looked like this _now,_ how fucking unbelievable would he look _after_ they fucked?

Murphy’s pink tongue licked at his swollen lips and he reached for his boyfriend, his long fingers running across Connor’s bare chest in teasing strokes. Connor stayed in place, kneeling between Murphy’s thighs and he watched his twins’ face with rapt attention as Murphy felt every inch of his chest. Murphy shyly laughed at how Connor’s muscles twitched to his light touch and he paused to twist Connor’s nipples before his hands travelled slowly down to his brother’s belt.

Murphy’s fingers paused on the buckle and he lifted his eyes to look at Connor, waiting for the okay to continue. Murphy expected Connor to tell him to stop…..every other time Connor said no and Murphy gave him enough time to do so but Connor only smiled and watched, which Murphy took as his approval.

The only sound in the barn was their heavy breathing and the jangling of Connor’s belt as Murphy unbuckled it and pulled it from Connor’s jeans. Murphy couldn’t believe he was finally undressing the love of his life…..his beautiful, sexy Connor. It was the exact same dream he had most every night since his very first orgasm, the first time he came to thoughts of his twin. He bit his sore lip as he unbuttoned Connor’s pants and carefully pulled down the zipper before he looked back at his brother.

“Your turn, Murph.”

Connor motioned for Murphy to sit up and he took his brother by the hand and gently pulled him upward. Connor pecked quickly at his lips before pulling Murphy’s shirt off his body and tossing it to the side to join his own discarded shirt in the hay.

“Now lay back down.”

Murphy crossed his arms over his body in an attempt to hide how skinny he was, which he knew was ridiculous…..Connor had seen him naked at least a million times and he could picture his body whenever he wanted. Murphy laid on his back, the soft hay tickling his skin as his upper body turned a deep crimson.

Connor loved how Murphy blushed…..his boyfriend could be so shy and insecure and Connor found it to be terribly sexy. He took Murphy by his wrists and pulled his arms away from his body so he could see his twin, relieved Murphy didn’t fight him on this.

“You’re so beautiful, Murph. Don’t hide yourself from me.”

“Conn….don’t.” This time those words were a whispered embarrassment but all Connor did in response was lower his head to kiss Murphy’s stomach. He continually kissed and licked Murphy’s pale skin as his fingers slowly undid Murphy’s belt and pulled it off his body.

“That tickles, Connor,” Murphy laughed and his stomach lurched when Connor licked an especially sensitive area just above Murphy’s waistband. Murphy’s hands went to Connor’s head and he ran his fingers through his spiky hair as Connor re-licked that same area a half dozen times, causing Murphy to squirm and pull on his hair. “Fuck, you’re killing me here.”

“I’ve only just begun, my dear Murphy,” Connor mumbled against his stomach, his hot breath causing goosebumps to form across his brother’s skin.

“Fucking hell…..I won’t survive.” Murphy laughed and flung his arms open in mock dramatic fashion as he wiggled beneath Connor’s mouth.

Connor smiled against Murphy’s skin as he unbuttoned his brother’s pants, pulled down the zipper and pushed his trousers open. He lifted his head and sat back on his heels as they both froze at the seriousness of the moment, each looking at the other’s open jeans and knowing each brother wanted what the other had inside.

Then Connor was on the attack again. His mouth slammed into Murphy’s and their lips moved in rapid synchronicity as they pushed at their pants and toed off their shoes. They wiggled and squirmed against each other until their pants and boxers were finally kicked to the side and they could touch each other unfettered by clothing.

Connor stretched his body across Murphy’s, positioning himself between his legs as Murphy used his foot to stroke Connor’s calf. They touched, they teased, they stroked every inch of each other as their hard shafts rubbed for the first time and their precum blended together. Firm fingers were no longer tentative but exploratory as they learned what made the other moan.

Murphy broke their kiss as he brought Connor’s hand to his mouth, drawing his index and middle fingers between his lips and coating them with saliva. Connor knew what Murphy was doing, he wanted Connor to prep him. He wanted to be fucked.

“Murph, wait.” Connor gazed down at his sweaty brother, suddenly afraid he’d hurt his twin, afraid he’d rip him open if he was too rough.

Murphy let Connor’s fingers slide from his mouth as he softly encouraged his lover, knowing Connor’s fears without having to hear them verbalized. “It’s okay, Conn. You won’t hurt me, I promise.”

Connor shook his head, he knew his dick was a good size and even with proper preparation, it would hurt his Murph. Even with a gallon of lube, it would fucking hurt at first.

“Don’t you want to, Connor?”

That question cut Connor like a knife…..he wanted to fuck Murphy more than anyone else he’d ever been with and that look of potential rejection he saw on his brother’s face practically killed him.

“I want you so fucking bad, Murph. I swear to Christ, I want what’s on your mind.”

Murphy grabbed Connor by the back of his neck and pulled his head down to rest against him, forehead to forehead. “I won’t fucking break, okay? I promise I won’t break so don’t you be gentle with me, Connor. I want you to fuck me as hard as you want, do you hear? I want you to fuck me.”

Connor pushed his forehead harder against Murphy’s, feeling the sweat from Murphy’s brow against his skin and Connor closed his eyes and just listened to his baby brother breathe.

Murphy didn’t say a word; he quietly waited and held tight to Connor. When Connor opened his eyes, Connor asked his brother point blank, “Where’s the lube, Murphy? Didn’t you say you bought some?”

Murphy knew where the lube was. It was just where he left it after he brought it home. It was in their room, under his bed…..just waiting to be used. But it might as well have been a million miles away. If they stopped now to get it, Connor might not start again. Murphy couldn’t take it if they stopped now, he’d rather be dry fucked than have Connor stop.

“We don’t need it. We’ll just use spit, Connor. Okay? Please?”

Connor slowly nodded, he’d fucked with just spit before and it had been fine…..he’d just be extra careful with his Murph, he’d go slow so he didn’t hurt him. He pushed his fingers back into Murphy’s mouth, letting his brother coat them with saliva once again. Then he pushed Murphy into the hay and unceremoniously turned him onto his belly. Murphy spread his legs and arched his back, pushing his ass into the air as Connor spread his ass cheeks to find his tight hole.

He pushed his middle finger into his twin up to the first knuckle as Murphy turned his head to the side, allowing Connor to see his profile. Connor’s index finger joined the middle finger and he pushed both inside up to the middle knuckle as Murphy grimaced and Connor waited. Once Murphy’s face relaxed, Connor again pushed deeper until both digits were imbedded far inside his brother.

“You okay, Murph?”

Murphy nodded and Connor began to finger fuck him, slow and shallow at first, then scissoring his fingers once they were deep inside. Connor rotated his wrist and curled his fingers slightly, feeling what he knew was Murphy’s prostate. He probed it, sending jolts through his brother’s body as Murphy contorted, groaned and fisted the hay under his hands. Connor didn’t want Murphy to cum like this, face down in the hay without a proper fucking, so he carefully avoided his prostate, instead focusing on stretching him as much as his fingers would allow.

“That’s as good as it’s gonna get, Murph. You sure about this?”

He removed his fingers from his brother’s body and Murphy moaned with a slow nod, “Just fucking do me already, Connor.”

Connor was still rock hard and he spit into his palm and stroked his cock, his thumb sliding over his weeping slit and spreading as much of his spit and precum over his shaft as he could. He was still scared shitless about hurting Murphy but he was also turned on beyond comprehension.

“I want to see your face when we fuck, Murph.”

Murphy nodded and rolled onto his back, pieces of hay stuck to his sweaty face and body. Connor quickly brushed the foreign material from his brother before lifting Murphy’s legs and placing them on his broad shoulders. Murphy reached beneath his body and spread his ass cheeks as Connor lined his dick up with his hole.

He held Murphy’s gaze as he slowly entered him and Connor pushed his torso against the back of Murphy’s legs, lifting his twin’s hips into the air. Connor pushed in slowly, inch by inch as he watched Murphy’s face to gauge his level of pain and discomfort.

Murphy was sweating as his face contorted to the pain caused by Connor’s thick cock stretching him to an uncomfortable level. Connor was only half in when Murphy clenched his eyes shut and began breathing erratically.

Connor froze before slowly pulling out; he was hurting his brother too much and he’d rather die than cause his Murph this kind of pain. But Murphy begged his brother to continue, he pulled at Connor and promised he was fine…..he swore he just needed time to adjust to Connor’s size.

Murphy seemed okay and after Connor made him promise to stop him if it hurt too much, Connor acquiesced. He spit into his palm once again and coated his dick with spit before sliding it back into his brother’s hot hole. Connor went slower than before, giving Murphy ample time to adjust to every hard inch Connor gave him until finally Murphy was completely impaled on Connor’s long dick. Murphy moaned loudly and shifted against his brother, trying to relax to the fullness inside his body.

Murphy felt so fucking hot and tight that it took all of Connor’s control not to start pumping like a piston. After what felt like forever for both brothers, Murphy locked eyes with Connor and nodded, giving him the nonverbal okay to start fucking.

Connor didn’t hesitate and he pumped his hips, although he did pump slow and shallow at first just to make sure Murphy could handle all of him. Murphy pushed against his cock as best he could, given his position, and Connor’s speed and depth increased with each thrust of his hips. Murphy’s body writhed beneath him and he made soft little grunts each time Connor pushed inside.

Connor shifted his brother’s legs on his shoulders and his dick entered Murphy at a new angle, his dickhead skimming over Murphy’s prostate and causing Murphy’s already hard cock to twitch wildly. With each thrust, Murphy was tortured further into loud moans as their bodies slapped together.

Connor’s balls were tightening and he was close to cumming so he pumped furiously, trying to hit his brother’s sweet spot with everything he had, wanting to make his Murphy cum. Murphy was incapable of speech, he was in a world of pure pleasure as his eyes rolled to the back of his head and his muscles tightened. His body shook and a throaty moan came from deep inside his chest, waves of pleasure releasing through his body as his cock released into the air. His hot cum splattered across his stomach in thick strings and gobs as his balls emptied and his dick quivered.

Connor felt Murphy’s muscles spasm around his dick as his brother rode out his orgasm and that was all it took to take Connor to the brink. Connor pushed balls deep into Murphy and he unloaded every sticky drop of cum he had into his brother, keeping his dick deep inside him as both their bodies shook violently.

When their orgasms subsided, Connor pulled out of his brother and lowered Murphy’s legs from his shoulders before collapsing on top of his sweaty twin, his breath hot on Murphy’s neck. Murphy held him tight and stroked his damp hair until Connor’s breathing returned to normal. With a soft sigh, Connor lifted his head and looked questioningly at his brother.

“You okay, Murph?”

Murphy nodded and pecked at Connor’s lips. “I’m perfect.”

Connor shifted on top of his brother, not wanting to hurt him with his weight but not wanting to get off him anytime soon. “You are perfect, Murph. Don’t ever forget that.”

Murphy rolled his eyes and made a face at his brother…..Connor was so full of shit sometimes. “You don’t have to sweet talk me, you know. You already got me in bed.”

Connor smirked and Murphy prepared himself for a smartass answer he knew was on Connor’s lips. “Not true, Murph. I don’t see a bed or your hideous purple sheets anywhere.”

Murphy again rolled his eyes; he knew Connor loved his purple sheets. After all, Connor was the one who bought them for him last year…..all because he said Murphy looked good in purple.

“Conn?”

“Yes, brother mine?”

Murphy motioned to their bodies, toward where Connor’s stomach was resting on his belly. “You’re lying in my cum.”

Connor raised his eyebrows as Murphy tried not to laugh. Murphy was looking at him with complete love in his eyes and Connor just couldn’t get mad at the little shit when he had this look on his face. Besides, Connor already knew he was lying in his boyfriend’s cum.

Connor casually brushed the hair from Murphy’s eyes but he didn’t move off his brother’s sticky belly. On the contrary, he let more of his weight press into his twin.

“We’ll clean up in a few minutes, Murph. I just want to lie in your arms a bit first, okay?”

Connor’s tone was serious in nature; he was done joking around. Murphy nodded in response, his suppressed laugh forgotten with Connor’s change in demeanor. He’d hold Connor all night if that’s what he wanted.

“But don’t you worry, my dear Murphy…..the night is young and we’re not done playing.”

Murphy’s eyes lit up; he wanted more Connor but he could wait if he had to…..after all, he’d waited years for this night.

Connor burrowed his face into Murphy’s hair and pulled him close, his body still on top of his brother and comforting Murphy with his heat.

Murphy looked skyward, smiling at the twinkling lights in the rafters above them that looked just like the stars in heaven. That’s where he was…..heaven. As tears formed in his eyes he said a silent thank you to God. This was all Murphy ever wanted.


	44. Murphy's Turn

“I want to fuck you, Connor.”

Connor smirked knowingly as he continued to rinse Murphy’s cum off the washcloth, briefly catching his twin’s eyes in the bathroom mirror before returning to the task at hand. Connor had just finished cleaning his brother’s cum from his own belly and he was preparing to tend to his twin when Murphy whispered the words Connor already knew.

Murphy didn’t have to say those words but Connor sure loved hearing them, especially when Murphy’s voice was throaty and laced with lust. There was no doubt in his mind what Murphy wanted…..Connor wanted the same thing, and just as badly. He was eager to feel Murphy moving inside him, to truly feel how big he was and how hard he fucked. Even though Connor seemed cool and collected on the outside, it was nothing but a false façade. Inside, Connor MacManus was a bundle of nerves while he waited for Murphy to do more than talk.

Connor twisted the washcloth in his hands, wringing the water from it before he casually readjusted the tap, warming the water a bit more before placing the cloth back under the stream. He didn’t want to clean his boyfriend with cold water, Murphy liked it borderline hot.

Murphy watched his twin with eyes that rarely looked at anyone other than Connor, eyes that barely blinked when his brother was near…..eyes that could melt Connor with just one glance. Murphy moved his hand to his mouth and began to gnaw on his thumbnail mindlessly, unaware of his own action until the copper taste of blood hit his tongue and he practically recoiled in shock.

“If you’re not careful, one day you’ll chew right down to the bone,” Connor teased before freezing in place to watch Murphy lick the blood from his thumb in an attempt to halt the bleeding, his pink tongue licking in leisurely strokes.

“Jesus, Murph…..stop that.”

Murphy licked twice more at his thumb before lowering it to his side, all the while keeping his eyes on his beautiful boyfriend who was suddenly breathing heavier than the previous moment. Connor narrowed his eyes in realization; Murphy was such a cute little fucker. This wasn’t one of Murphy’s innocent gestures, this wasn’t one of his unknowing teases…..the little shit knew exactly what he was doing.

Murphy wanted Connor right fucking now but he was too scared to make a move. It was ironic, actually…..he practically attacked Connor all week but after one hot fuck in the barn, Murphy was scared shitless. Connor was an incredible lover and he made Murphy feel _amazing,_ better than he ever thought possible. But Murphy was afraid when _he_ did the fucking, when it was his turn to be the incredible lover, he’d only be half as good. He’d be crushed if he couldn’t make Connor moan in pleasure, if he couldn’t make him scream his name…..if he couldn’t make Connor cum harder than he ever had before. Murphy was scared he’d disappoint his love.

He wanted Connor to take control of the situation, to take matters in hand…..to take _Murphy_ in hand. But Connor must not have heard him because he wasn’t taking the hint; even the finger lick didn’t send him over the edge like Murphy thought it would. He had to flat out tell his brother again what he wanted and hope this time Connor would heed his plea.

“I want to fuck you, Connor,” Murphy reiterated, his voice still breathy but a bit louder and more insistent as he waited in nervous anticipation of Connor’s reaction. 

“I heard you the first time, Murph,” was the quiet response as Connor decided to tease back a little, wondering what the fuck Murphy was waiting for…..he looked like he was about to burst into a sexual frenzy at any moment. They already made love once so there was no more waiting for the “right time,” and prior to their first date Connor told Murphy to take what he wanted…..and Murphy obviously wanted him so what the fuck was the holdup?

As they watched each other in the mirror, Connor felt a pang of concern for his brother. Murphy wasn’t acting at all like Connor expected. Murphy was suddenly hesitating, which was surprising considering how long Murphy wanted him. And he was quiet….. _too_ quiet. Murphy became quiet as they held each other in the hay and the quieter Murphy became, the more he clung to his twin.....almost as if he was scared of something. In fact, the only reason Murph let him go was because Connor insisted on coming inside to clean him up.

Murphy’s behavior raised red flags but they’d never had sex before and Connor didn’t know how Murphy acted afterward; that quiet clinging might be normal for Murph. But it might be completely abnormal too…..and given what he suspected happened to Murphy when he was 16, this possibility terrified Connor.

He studied his little brother for a moment, his face etched with the concern of a man deeply in love. Other than Murphy being quiet and his sudden lack of sexual initiative, he seemed just fine. In fact, Murphy was watching him with that intense stare that made Connor sweat. With the resolve of a much older man, Connor kept to his original plan and he decided not to push for answers…..pushing would only traumatize his twin and exacerbate the problem. It might also make Murphy panic and run. No, Connor would be gentle and patient. He’d wait for his lover to be ready to talk.

And in the meantime…..if Murphy wanted to make love, if he wanted to fuck like bunny rabbits, Connor wouldn’t say no. He’d never say no to Murphy again.

Connor twisted the washcloth in his hands and he turned to face his twin, his eyes dropping to the dried cum still on Murphy’s flat belly. Murphy held his breath as his brother approached, unsure of Connor’s intent but hoping he was about to get the opportunity to top. When Connor pressed the warm washcloth to Murphy’s sticky belly and began to rub, Murphy couldn’t help his small sigh of disappointment.

He watched Connor’s face as he cleaned the last of his cum from his skin. Murphy would never admit it, but he loved how Connor doted and fussed over him, how he practically hovered and loved him like no other. He couldn’t get enough of his twin when he was like this…..Connor was caring for him with a gentleness only Murphy saw, it was for him and him alone.

But Murphy knew Connor was confused; it was obvious by his facial expression that he expected a different reaction from him. Truth be told, Murphy was confused too. His emotions were heightened and he felt like he could cry at any minute but he didn’t know why or what to do about it. All he knew was he loved Connor more than he ever thought possible…..and for some strange reason, this scared him.

The washcloth took a final lap across Murphy’s stomach before Connor pushed it down between his brother’s legs and grasped Murphy’s dick with the wet cloth. Murphy inhaled loudly as Connor’s fingers moved and cleaned him with their motion, gently pulling and twisting before lifting his heavy cock upward. Connor dipped his head and placed a gentle kiss on the tip of Murphy’s dick before releasing his twin and returning to the sink without a word.

Murphy stared at the bare ass on display in front of him, Connor’s narrow hips swaying gently as he rinsed the last of the cum from the washcloth. Murphy wanted to bite Connor’s ass, just grab it and bite it. His ass was fucking perfect…..it was round and tight and made to be grabbed and fucked. Murphy waited a lifetime to be with Connor, he was the dream that became a beautiful reality and Murphy just couldn’t wait any longer…..he wouldn’t let his fear hold him back any more. He had to have Connor.

Connor turned off the faucet and looked up, expecting to see Murphy watching him with that hungry look that said he wanted to fuck, the look Connor had seen for years but didn’t understand until just recently. But Connor was alone, completely alone. He slowly turned around in shock, feeling like he’d been kicked in the stomach…..or the balls. Whenever Murphy disappeared without a word, Connor felt his panic rise and consume him like wildfire. With each passing second his fear doubled, it spread and became completely unbearable.

Jesus, he fucked up again. He made Murphy feel insecure just when he’d found a tiny bit of confidence. His lover told him he wanted to fuck him…..he said it not once, but twice. And what did Connor do? Did he flirt back? Did he tell his boyfriend he wanted him? No…..Connor fed his brother’s insecurities with a smart ass comeback and lack of action.

“Murphy?” he quietly called into their bedroom, trying to keep the tremble from his voice as he hoped Murphy hadn’t left the house. He had to fix this; he could make it right as long as Murph hadn’t run away. He’d make his boyfriend feel safe and secure again…..he’d make sure Murphy knew he was loved.

“Murph!” His voice was assertive, demanding a response from his darker half. Connor was prepared to storm into their room to find his pants and chase his brother through town when Murphy quietly returned to the bathroom with a quizzical look on his face, his bare feet not making a sound on the floor as he padded across the tile toward his other half.

Murphy didn’t look upset, not in the least. On the contrary, Murphy looked surprised by Connor’s reaction and his near panic. Murphy’s voice was soothing as he calmed his brother with his mere presence and his gentle gaze. “Conn…..it’s okay. I’m right here.”

A wave of relief swept through Connor’s body at the appearance of his twin and he leaned his hand on the sink to support his weight, dropping his head momentarily to gather himself as his body visibly relaxed. He placed his hand over his heart and he took a deep breath before looking back at his lover.

“I thought you ran away from me.”

Murphy took a couple steps closer, his eyes soft as his mind registered his brother’s unwarranted fear. All Murphy did was leave the room for a few moments but in Connor’s mind, Murphy didn’t just leave the room, he left Connor.

“I didn’t run away, Connor. I didn’t leave you. I just went to get something, s’all.”

Murphy was still naked and judging by the look he was giving his twin, Murphy wanted to play. He lifted a small white paper bag toward Connor, shaking it slightly to encourage Connor to take it from his hand…..after all, what Murphy had in the bag was for both of them.

“What is it?” Connor couldn’t help but laugh, he was pretty sure he knew what was in that bag but he didn’t want to spoil his boyfriend’s game. His shy Murphy was blushing like a virgin bride on her wedding day and that only made Connor want him more. “Your ears are turning red, Murph.”

Murphy’s blush deepened into a richer shade of red and it spread down his neck, coloring his chest with a delightful mixture of pale white and deep crimson. Murphy shook the bag impatiently at his twin and cocked his head to the side as Connor gingerly took it from his hand.

Connor couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips. Murphy was such an enigma sometimes…..blushing shyly while boldly announcing he wanted to fuck, hiding behind his hair while standing naked in front of Connor, not touching when he so obviously wanted to touch. Connor was captivated with Murphy’s idiosyncrasies; his boyfriend could mystify him without trying and Connor was led to distraction by every fucking thing Murphy did.

“Go ahead, Connor. Look inside.”

Connor turned his back to his brother and placed the bag on the edge of the sink to balance it as he unfolded the top of the bag and peeked inside. He stared at the contents for only a moment before he pursed his lips in pleasure and nodded, liking the fact that Murphy was watching him in the mirror.

“Pick a flavor for me.” The excited quiver of Murphy’s words made Connor’s heart pump faster; his sexy Murph was finally making a move again…..Connor was about to get what he ached for.

Connor reached into the bag with a slightly shaking hand and pulled out the first tube, turning it to read the label and then quickly dropping it back into the bag. “It’s not a strawberry kind of night,” he mumbled with a slight laugh, once again enjoying their playtime even though his nerves were making his body feel weak. “That’s more of a weekend lube. Obviously.”

“Oh….. _obviously.”_ Murphy rolled his eyes and laughed at his idiot brother; Connor had a way of making everything humorous, even lube. “So what’s a Wednesday night lube, then?”

“Well…..for my boyfriend, I’d have to go with the cinnamon.” Connor pulled out the proper tube and held it up for his twin’s inspection, twirling it between his fingers as his eyes caught his brother’s wide eyed expression in the mirror. “It’s sweet and spicy all at the same time, just like you Murph.”

“Connor…..” His name was a whispered plea to stop, an embarrassed whine…..a sexy moan. Murphy whispering his name was the sexiest sound Connor ever heard. The only thing sexier than Murphy whispering his name was Murphy whispering his name in his ear.

Murphy moved without a sound to stand directly behind Connor, his expression mirroring his twin’s as he stared at Connor’s reflection from over his shoulder. Connor felt hot hands cup his ass cheeks, Murphy’s fingers kneading him gently as he forced Connor’s hips forward into the cold porcelain of the sink.

Connor watched his boyfriend in the mirror as he bent his head and kissed Connor’s shoulder with wet lips. His hot tongue licked a long stripe toward Connor’s neck and his heated breath caused Connor to shiver involuntarily. Murphy smiled at the reaction his mouth caused and he buried his face in Connor’s neck, inhaling his lover’s sweet scent. Connor tilted his head and presented more of his neck for Murphy’s mouth and with an eager smile, Murphy sucked on his pulse point.

Connor reached up and pushed his fingers into Murphy’s hair, grabbed a handful and pulled him harder into his neck, practically smothering his twin. “No hickeys, Murph,” Connor quietly warned his boyfriend, wanting to be marked but knowing they couldn’t risk it.

Murphy’s mouth shifted and his lips dragged wetly across Connor’s neck. He wanted to suck Connor’s skin until it bruised and he wanted everyone to know Connor was taken…..by him. But he also knew how hard it was to hide those marks and what trouble they could cause, especially if their mother started interrogating them. With a sigh of resignation, Murphy listened to his brother and he softened his mouth. Instead of giving hickeys, Murphy placed light kisses and long licks on Connor’s skin from shoulder to ear and back again.

Murphy’s hands groped Connor’s ass with a firm grip, squeezing and caressing as Connor pushed against his brother’s fingers, aching for more and wanting Murphy to slide his digits inside him. But Murphy released his ass all too soon and slid his hands over Connor’s hips and up his chest, his fingertips light and slowly stroking as they searched for Connor’s nipples. Upon finding the nubs, Murphy twirled and pinched them until they hardened into deliciously painful peaks. And then he played with them some more. Connor loved when Murphy played with his nipples, it felt like a direct line straight to his cock and as his nipples hardened, so did his dick.

“Fucking hell, Murph. That feels incredible.” Connor moaned as he grinded his ass into his brother’s cock, wanting nothing between them, not even air. Murphy roughly grinded back and Connor felt the distinct rise of Murphy’s dick against his body.

His Murphy was driving him insane and Connor started to sweat…..small trickles of perspiration slid down the side of his face and Murphy slowly lapped it up, reveling in the salty taste of his brother’s desire.

Murphy’s mouth slid to Connor’s ear and he licked the outer edge with a pointed tongue before sucking his earlobe between his lips, his hot breath tickling his ear canal. The grinding of Murphy’s hips became more insistent, his dick poking at Connor and making its hard presence known. “Tell me what you want, Connor.”

Connor thought back to what Murphy told him just a short time earlier; to what Murphy whispered with that sexy fucking voice he had….. _‘I want to fuck you, Connor.’_ What did Connor want? He wanted that same fucking thing.

“I want you to fuck me, Murph.” He could barely articulate the words; they were slurred and filled with the breathy need of a man growing more excited by the minute…..a man excited by his new lover.

Murphy’s hands left his body and the warm pressure against Connor’s back eased as the darker twin reached for the lube in Connor’s sweaty grip. Connor wasn’t consciously aware of how hard he was squeezing the tube until Murphy had to pry it from his hand as gently as possible.

Murphy hurriedly opened the tube and squirted a large amount onto his fingers, slickening them thoroughly. Then a different sort of pressure was felt…..it was the pressure of Murphy’s fingers entering his hole and sliding inside.

“Oh, fuck,” Connor quietly moaned and his head lulled to the side as Murphy’s fingers pushed in deeper, his probing gentle and slow. Murphy’s free hand was on his back, rubbing up and down in long strokes to ease his brother’s discomfort while his fingers paused deep inside, waiting for Connor to adjust.

Connor had a white knuckle grip on the sink but not from pain…..from anticipation. Normally Connor had the patience of a saint, normally he could wait for what he wanted…..except when Murphy was involved, then he didn’t like waiting at all. And what he wanted right now was Murphy inside him.

Connor pushed back at Murphy, impaling himself further on his brother’s long fingers to encourage his twin to do more. Murphy’s hand ran down Connor’s back and slid under his thigh, lifting his leg and resting his foot on the toilet, spreading Connor wider. Murphy pushed into Connor deeper and he scissored his fingers as Connor bent at his waist and leaned across the sink, supporting himself on his forearms.

In and out Murphy’s fingers went, scissoring and pushing the slick further inside, faster and deeper. He rubbed Connor’s prostate only once, just enough to make his brother moan and his body jerk but then he carefully avoided it, not wanting Connor to cum just yet.

Then the fingers were gone…..just like that, gone. Connor looked up just in time to see Murphy drop to his knees and disappear from view, only the top of his head visible in the mirror. Murphy patted his butt gently and quietly commanded, “Spread yourself for me, Conn.”

Connor didn’t hesitate, not when Murphy sounded like that…..he’d do whatever the fuck Murphy wanted. He reached around and took an ass cheek in each hand and pulled himself open, feeling Murphy’s hot breath in places he never dreamed possible. Murphy pushed on his hands, spreading Connor even wider and his tongue began licking.

At first, those licks were tiny little teases but they quickly developed into something more. Tiny flicks became flat licks, flat licks became delicate probes and delicate probes became insistent tongue fucks. Each touch of Murphy’s tongue made Connor squirm and moan as his lover licked the cinnamon taste from his body.

Just when Connor didn’t think he could take any more, Murphy stopped and stood, reaching for more lube. Connor released the grip on his ass, rested his weight on his forearms on top of the sink and tried to catch his breath as he watched the most gorgeous man he’d ever seen in the flesh.

Murphy’s face glistened, sweat coated his forehead and sides of his face while the shimmer of lube coated his mouth and caked into his chin stubble. Murphy slowly licked at his lips and if Connor wasn’t so overheated, he would have laughed out loud. Connor certainly chose well…..Murphy loved cinnamon.

Connor’s eyes dropped to the body of his man, his fucking beautiful Murph. He had the broadest shoulders and narrowest waist and his pale skin looked amazing with that light sprinkling of hair on his chest and around his navel. Connor suddenly wanted to lick that flat stomach and make Murphy twitch and squirm. But instead, he let his eyes go further south, to Murphy’s cock.

Jesus, Murphy was big. Connor knew full well his brother was well hung; they’d seen each other naked more times than they could count. Connor had even measured Murphy’s dick throughout their teen years, just for comparison purposes…..at least that’s what he told himself at the time. But seeing Murphy so swollen and hard, with that weeping slit and heavy balls…..Connor couldn’t stop the moan of excitement from escaping his mouth.

Murphy felt Connor’s eyes on him and when he lifted his gaze, Connor was met with the beautiful blue eyes of his soulmate. Murphy smiled at him as he squirted lube into his palm, keeping eye contact while he coated his dick.

Murphy tossed the tube into the bag, quickly wiped his hand clean on a towel and moved to stand behind Connor once again, grabbing him by his hips and maneuvering him into position. Connor kept his foot on the toilet and he stayed bent at his waist over the sink as he spread his ass for his brother, looking over his shoulder in anticipation.

Murphy was careful with his love…..he’d never hurt Connor, not ever. He entered him slowly, just the head of his dick inside his twin at first as Murphy shifted his fingers on his brother’s hips. He pushed further in, inch by slow inch and he allowed his love to adjust to his size before pushing deeper, keeping a careful eye on Connor’s face. Murphy felt bigger than he looked and he stretched Connor wider with each fat inch he slid inside.

Once Murphy was completely embedded in his twin, he stilled and waited, sweat running down his face and body…..Connor felt amazing and it was difficult not to thrust into his boyfriend’s hot ass. But he would wait until Connor was ready…..it would fucking kill him, but he would wait.

Finally, Connor growled, “Fucking move, Murph. _Move.”_

That’s all Murphy needed to hear; he’d been ready for this moment for years. His thrusts were careful and slow at first but Connor was perfectly prepped and Murphy was perfectly lubed so they quickly moved together into a fast grinding rhythm. With each deep thrust, Murphy’s fingers dug into Connor’s hips and he pulled as hard as he could, trying to go even deeper inside his twin. Connor let go of his ass so he could brace himself against the sink and push back as Murphy’s body rocked him back and forth.

“Fuck, Murph!” Connor yelled when Murphy shifted his position and his dick began to slide across his prostate with each pump of his hips. Connor lowered his head and rested it on his forearms as he tried to slow his building orgasm but his brother wasn’t making it easy on him. He never imagined Murphy would be so fucking good at this.

“God, Murph…..I fucking love you,” Connor loudly moaned and Murphy suddenly stopped all movement, his dick half in and half out of his twin as his fingers shifted on Connor’s hips. Connor lifted his head and caught Murphy’s wide eyes in the mirror and they stared at each other for a moment, neither twin moving as blue eyes locked onto blue eyes. Connor didn’t understand why Murphy stopped or why he looked so funny; all Connor said was he loved him…..and he did.

“Murph, you okay?”

Murphy quickly nodded and he wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand as his eyes looked away. The excited sexual glow was still on Murphy’s face but it was a bit muted now…..Murphy actually looked uncomfortable.

Connor must have scared Murphy; it was too soon to tell him he loved him…..Murph wasn’t ready to hear it just yet. But fuck, Connor didn’t want to take it back……he didn’t. He was in love with Murphy and he wanted him to know it, albeit Connor pictured an entirely different scenario. Connor’s sole reason for wanting to take those words back would be to prevent that look on his lover’s face that he didn’t quite understand.

“Murph?”

“I’m fine, Connor.”

Then Murphy began moving again and Connor could no longer focus on his brother’s strange reaction, he could only focus on what his brother was doing to him and how good he felt with Murphy inside him.

Murphy pushed balls deep into Connor and began a grinding motion as one hand slid up and down Connor’s spine and the other reached around to fist his dick. Murphy pushed hard on Connor’s back, pressing his chest into the cold porcelain sink and he held him in place as he began somewhat frantic thrusts, short and fast as he grunted with the effort.

Each time Murphy thrust into Connor, he pumped his hand on Connor’s dick to the same rhythm and his dick teased Connor’s prostate until Connor could no longer hold back. Connor’s balls tightened and he exploded in Murphy’s hand and along the sink and wall, Murphy’s name on his lips in a drawn out moan that echoed in the room.

The muscles around Murphy’s dick spasmed and it felt like Connor’s ass was milking his cock. Murphy quickly fell apart and came inside his brother, Connor’s name on his lips as he collapsed in a sweaty heap on Connor’s back.

The twins struggled to catch their breath and Connor let his brother rest on top of him, feeling Murphy’s dick softening inside him. Murphy was panting hot little breaths in his twin’s ear and if Connor hadn’t just orgasmed less than a minute prior, that soft breath would have made him stiff.

Murphy finally lifted his weight from his brother’s back and Connor lifted his head, watching Murphy in the mirror as his lover’s dick slid free from his tight ass. Murphy’s auburn hair looked black as fuck; it was soaked with sweat and tiny droplets dripped from his hair onto Connor’s body, cooling him.

Once Murphy was off his body, Connor lifted himself from the sink and he turned to face his brother. He cupped Murphy’s cheek in his hand & lightly brushed his lips over Murphy’s mouth, smiling when Murphy returned his gentle kiss with a soft sigh. But his Murphy was tired, he looked completely exhausted so after they quickly cleaned up, Connor took his lover by the hand and led him to their bedroom.

Murphy followed Connor to his bed and he silently watched as Connor pulled back the blanket and climbed inside, motioning for Murphy to join him. Connor flung the blanket over their bodies as Murphy squirmed into his usual position, wrapped around his brother with his head in the crook of Connor’s neck and their legs twisted together. Connor felt the tight grip of Murphy’s fingers on his waist and he wrapped his arms around Murphy and drew his boyfriend as close to his body as he could. Murphy seemed to melt into him and Connor slid his hand to Murphy’s wet hair and leisurely stroked it. 

“You okay, Murph?”

Murphy nodded but didn’t speak, he only seemed to grip Connor tighter.

“You were really amazing, Murph,” Connor mumbled against his hair, following his words with a gentle kiss to the top of Murphy’s head. “Really fucking amazing.”

Murphy shifted in his arms and for a brief moment, Connor was scared he was leaving his bed. But then his twin wiggled even closer & latched on tighter, his fingers almost bruising Connor with their grip. Just like in the barn, Murphy was quiet and clingy. And just like in the barn, Connor was deeply concerned.

“You’re so quiet. You sure you’re okay?” Connor asked after nearly fifteen minutes of silence and he lightly shook Murphy’s shoulder in an attempt to get his brother to respond.

Murphy nodded & Connor was about to let it go and just enjoy holding his lover in his arms when Murphy quietly asked, “Connor? Can I ask you something?”

“You know you can ask me anything, Murph. Anything at all.” Connor held his breath as he felt his brother’s mood shift and darken. Murphy’s fingers tightened a bit more on his hip, almost to an uncomfortable level but Connor would rather die than tell Murphy to let him go.

“How many people have you had sex with?”

Connor wasn’t expecting that question, at least not at this moment, although he fully expected them to talk about their experiences at some point. And even though this topic might lead to some pain, especially if Murphy really opened up, Connor was relieved that Murphy was finally talking again.

“You’re my third, Murph.”

“Brian was your first?”

Connor gently kissed Murphy’s hair as he tried to be as gentle with his words as he could be. Even though it had been years since either of them saw Brian, Connor knew it would still hurt Murphy on some level. “Yeah, he was my first. But we only did it a couple times…..and it was really awful.”

Murphy wanted to know why it was so awful…..Murphy didn’t want to do the same things, he didn’t want to be lacking and leave Connor disappointed but he quickly decided that conversation could wait. At least for now.

“So your second was Katie, then.”

Connor’s muscles clenched at the mention of her name. He couldn’t believe he wasted so much time and effort with that girl when he had his Murphy right under his nose the entire time, just patiently waiting for him.

Murphy misunderstood his brother’s body tension and his misunderstanding fed into his insecurities about their relationship. His fingers tightened imperceptibly as he quietly said against Connor’s skin, “It’s okay if you miss her Conn, I won’t be mad.”

Connor laughed out loud and his body shook the bed. How the fuck could Murphy think he’d miss _Katie?_ She didn’t matter, she was insignificant…..Katie was a _nothing_ in his life. “Jesus, Murph. I don’t miss that bitch. Not one little bit, okay?”

“Honest?”

“Swear to God, Murph…..I’m glad she’s gone.”

Murphy relaxed slightly and Connor barely heard the quiet “me too” from his brother’s lips. But the tension in his twin’s body wasn’t completely gone, the disturbance was still there & Connor knew there was more to come.

“Connor?” Murphy suddenly let him go and sat up, looking down at his reclining twin for a moment before he turned his attention to the spot on his thumb he had recently chewed raw. He picked at his skin, pulling the raw part open once again and watching a small spot of blood appear.

After watching his brother for a moment, Connor reached out & stroked Murphy’s back, wincing when his twin jumped at his touch. Connor paused for a moment with his hand in the air, suddenly afraid to touch his boyfriend but then quickly deciding that was bullshit. Murphy needed his touch, he needed the comfort of his love and that was a fact. Connor lightly rubbed his twin’s back and much to Connor’s relief, this time Murphy didn’t jump. This time, Murphy relaxed against his hand.

“Connor…..I need to tell you something, okay?”

It was always disturbing when Murphy started a conversation with those words, especially considering what Connor suspected about his history. He braced himself as best he could, he prepared for the worst and he promised he wouldn’t let Murphy see him cry.

“Jonathan was the first guy I ever went out with. There’s only been him and you.” Murphy shrugged as he picked further at his thumb, his discomfort obvious. 

Connor wanted to reach out and pull Murphy’s hand away and under normal circumstances he’d do just that. But these weren’t normal circumstances so instead, Connor rubbed his brother’s back as he patiently listened.

“And we did stuff together, boyfriend stuff. I almost had sex with him too.....but I just couldn’t. He wasn’t _you,_ Connor and I…..I just wanted him to be you.” Murphy took a slow breath  & he glanced at his brother with eyes that made Connor want to cry. “I told him I was a virgin but that was a lie.”

A brief sadness filled Connor’s heart. He wanted to be Murphy’s first _everything_ …..his first kiss, his first touch, his first fuck. But Connor knew he wasn’t any of those things; he knew before his brother even spoke those words…..no virgin could do the things Murphy did. But Connor was Murphy’s first _love._ And being Murphy’s first love was far better than all those other things combined.

Murphy waited for a reaction from Connor and what he got was his quiet reassurance, his staunch support and his unwavering love. Connor didn’t look away, he didn’t even look surprised; all he did was slowly stroke Murphy’s skin and wait for him to continue…..Connor understood him in ways Murphy didn’t yet understand himself.

“I pretended I never lost my virginity, like it never happened. I kind of believed it too….for a while, anyway. I guess that’s called repression, right? Or maybe crazy, I’m not sure.”

Connor sat up just as Murphy looked away and he tilted his head, trying to see Murphy’s face and make him believe his words. “You’re not crazy, Murph. Trust me on this, okay?”

Murphy thought about it for a moment before quietly agreeing yet disagreeing. “No, maybe not crazy. But I am damaged goods, Connor. _I’m broken.”_ Murphy sniffed and he bit his lip to stop the tears as he stared at Connor’s blanket and busied himself with a loose string in the fabric. He pulled it loose and balled it between his fingers before unravelling it  & flattening it in his palm. “There’s so much you don’t know, Connor. Just.....so fucking much.”

Connor didn’t know what to say. Murphy was right, there was a lot he didn’t know. Connor didn’t know for certain what happened to his brother, he only had pieces of the story…..small pieces he figured out and even smaller pieces Murphy told him. And he wouldn’t know if his assumptions were correct until Murphy told him what happened. But still Connor felt a rage he never felt before, a rage that screamed for the blood of the person who broke his Murph. He just hoped he could control himself long enough to make sure the proper person paid for what they did.

“Tell me, Murph. I can help you, just tell me what happened.”

Murphy shook his head, still not looking at anything other than Connor’s blanket. He wiped at his face and sniffed quietly before shrugging once again. That shrug broke Connor’s heart; Murphy acted like what happened wasn’t important, that it didn’t matter…..that _he_ didn’t matter.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Connor. I just wanted you to know I wasn’t a virgin, okay? So you don’t have to teach me or be careful with me or worry I can’t handle sex with you. Because I can.”

“I know you can, Murph,” Connor quietly assured him as his fingers grazed over Murphy’s hair, petting it lightly to soothe his baby brother. Connor wanted to know more, he wanted answers and a name but he remembered his promise to not push…..besides, Murphy was obviously done talking about it for tonight.

“I’m getting kind of cold without you on top of me, Murph.”

Murphy quietly laughed & he finally looked at his twin, his eyes wet but filled with relief that Connor didn’t pressure him for more information. It was bad enough thinking about what happened and remembering every fucking detail, it was Murphy’s living nightmare that haunted him on a near daily basis…..but telling Connor and seeing the look on his face would be intolerable. And right now, Murphy just wasn’t strong enough to withstand that pain.

Murphy quickly wiped at his face and nodded, he wanted Connor to hold him and make everything better, just like he always did. He wanted to feel the warmth of Connor’s love wrapped around his body, Murphy wanted to feel safe…..he wanted to be Connor’s _“Murphy blanket”_ once again.

“Well come on, then.” Connor motioned with fake impatience as he laid on his back with open arms, waiting for his Murph.

Murphy wrapped himself around his brother, his hands clutching tightly and his legs tangled around Connor like a pretzel. Connor kissed his still damp hair and stroked his bare shoulder as he pulled his twin even closer but Murphy said no words…..he was quiet and clingy once again.


	45. You're My Murph

“You’re making pancakes, Connor?” Murphy asked with glee as he slid into his seat at the kitchen table, his eyes scanning his brother’s body as he turned off the stove. Even clad in blue jeans, Connor had the best ass Murphy had ever seen.

“As a matter of fact, I am.”

“But you never make pancakes,” Murphy quietly pointed out as he tried to remember the last time they had pancakes for breakfast. Connor hated making them, he said they were a pain in the ass and not worth the bother. “What’s the special occasion?”

The corners of Connor’s mouth turned upward with the memory of last night and how incredible he and Murphy were together, how irresistible his twin had been and how perfect their love was. The sex was mind blowing…..fuck, _Murphy_ was mind blowing and Connor never came so hard in his life.

He set a plate in front of his younger half and as Murphy looked up at him with a confused expression, Connor pushed his hand into the thickness of his lover’s hair and toyed with the auburn softness. Connor would never get tired of touching Murphy’s hair…..not ever.

“You, Murph. _You’re_ the special occasion.”

Murphy held his eyes and slowly smiled as the gravity of his twin’s words sunk in. Connor had a way of making him feel special, even with something as simple and inconsequential as breakfast. Murphy glanced down the hall to the closed door of their mother’s bedroom and he wondered how much longer their ma would be asleep. When his eyes returned to his boyfriend’s face, Connor raised an eyebrow and slowly shook his head, knowing exactly what was on his lover’s mind.

“Murphy…..no.”

Murphy didn’t like being told no and he leaned into Connor’s hand, giving him a look that made Connor seriously consider throwing his brother onto the table and fucking his brains out. Murphy’s eyes were huge and unblinking and he was doing that sexy lip bite that made Connor ache. Connor’s eyes darted to their mother’s door…if only she wasn’t home.

“Don’t be such a chicken shit,” Murphy teased as he grasped Connor’s ass tightly in his hand and squeezed, his fingers gently kneading him through the denim. His blue eyes didn’t waver as he waited for his brother’s reaction, his head tilted upward in the hope of enticing his love into a kiss.

“We’re not supposed to do this downstairs, not with ma home. We promised we’d behave,” Connor tried to gently remind his brother before he fell victim to his lips. There was only so much he could take when Murphy’s mouth was right fucking there just begging to be kissed.

“I am behaving.”

When Connor looked disbelieving at his dark haired sibling, when he cocked his head and pressed his lips together as if to say his twin was full of shit, Murphy became insistent. _“I am,_ Connor. If I wasn’t behaving I’d have my hand somewhere else.”

The thought of Murphy’s hand on his bulge made Connor’s dick twitch in his pants and his fingers tightened in his lover’s hair. “You’re killing me, Murph. You really are,” Connor said as he silently asked for strength. Connor loved this side of his boyfriend a whole fucking lot and he knew he wouldn’t be able to resist him much longer, not when Murphy said things like that. “Fucking hell, I wish ma wasn’t home.”

Murphy shifted in his seat and he rubbed his head against Connor’s hand, working his hair through his brother’s fingers with this motion, knowing it would drive Connor slightly insane. Connor was always the voice of fucking reason but Murphy knew how to get what he wanted and he lowered his voice to barely a whisper. “Just give me one kiss, Connor. Please? I promise ma won’t catch us, okay?”

Connor’s eyes darted down the hall as he contemplated the whispered plea, wanting nothing more than to give in to his Murph and taste his sweet mouth once again. He listened carefully for any hint their mother was awake and might walk in on them, for any sign they could get busted…..for any danger whatsoever. If they were alone in the house, he’d be all over Murphy by now; his brother wouldn’t have to work him with that soft fucking voice of his…..hell, Murphy wouldn’t even have to ask.

Connor looked at his brother and watched Murphy’s tongue glide over his lips, the memory of Connor’s taste still lingering in Murphy’s mind. All Connor could think about was how that tongue drove him to distraction, how it made him writhe with pleasure…..how whenever it appeared, Connor instantly stiffened in his pants.

Connor was so close to giving in. Murphy could tell he wanted to kiss him by how hard he was staring at his mouth. And that’s all Murphy wanted, just a simple kiss. It wouldn’t take much to make Murphy happy, just a kiss from the man he loved.

“Please, Conn?”

When Murphy’s voice was soft and pleading, when his eyes were wide and full of love, when his lips were wet and slightly parted…..Connor just couldn’t resist him. Resisting his sexy Murph was completely beyond his realm of control.

Connor fisted Murphy’s hair and gently pulled his head back, his eyes darting rapidly across his brother’s face as he took in the features of his love. Murphy was so fucking beautiful, especially when he was turned on. His pale skin was flushed with excitement, his eyes wild, his breath heated…..his mouth at the ready. Holy fuck, Connor wanted to kiss those lips right fucking now.

Their ma was still sleeping and Connor would hear her if she woke up, he was sure of it. It was safe…..one quick kiss wouldn’t hurt.

Connor lowered his head toward his brother’s face and paused just before their lips made contact, inadvertently torturing his younger half with his proximity, his heated breath warming Murphy’s face. Murphy pulled against the tight grip in his hair, trying to close the distance between their mouths but Connor held him firmly in place.

“Conn…..” Murphy whined, his hushed voice filled with need, his hand squeezing Connor’s ass in a vise like grip as he tried harder to get what he wanted. Murphy’s eyes darted between Connor’s eyes and his lips, oblivious to everything except the man hovering above him. The world could stop its rotation and Murphy wouldn’t even notice.

After a cursory glance toward the closed bedroom door, Connor was satisfied it was safe and he lightly brushed his lips over Murphy’s mouth in a teasing preliminary of what was to come. Murphy’s tongue flicked at Connor’s mouth, tickling and tasting as he tried to gain access past Connor’s smiling lips. Finally, Connor caved to his brother’s charms and threw caution to the wind, pressing their lips together.

Murphy inhaled loudly as his mouth opened and he sucked Connor’s tongue inside, his hand pulling on his brother’s ass in an attempt to draw him even closer to his body. His free hand went to Connor’s bare chest and began to lightly caress his skin, leaving goose bumps in its wake.

Murphy loved kissing Connor…..he loved the feel of his lips on his mouth, the heat of Connor’s breath, the taste of his tongue. When they kissed, Murphy felt the same thrill as the first time their lips met…..the same excitement, the same desire, the same unending love. A warm sensation flowed through Murphy’s veins and if he didn’t know better, he’d swear his blood actually turned to hot butter.

Murphy’s mouth was eager and demanding but Connor controlled their kiss by the mere position of their bodies and he was careful not to get too lost in his Murph, lest he miss the sound of their mother stirring. The passion in Murphy’s kiss nearly brought Connor to his knees…..every ounce of emotion Murphy had, every bit of love in his heart was contained in that one kiss and Connor was staggered by what he felt.

Murphy was fiery passion. Murphy was pure ecstasy. Murphy was complete love.

Connor didn’t want to stop; he wanted to hold his lover in his arms and kiss him for hours while Murphy softly moaned into his mouth. But Connor knew they needed to pull apart before they got to the point of no return and Murphy was almost there. He reluctantly pulled back from his boyfriend’s mouth and Murphy groaned at the loss of Connor’s tongue, his mouth chasing Connor’s lips almost desperately.

“Don’t,” Murphy breathlessly moaned that solitary word as he clung to his brother. His hand slid down Connor’s chest and his fingers dipped into the waistband of his jeans, pulling at Connor’s pants in an effort to keep him near. He didn’t want to let Connor go….not his mouth and certainly not his body.

Connor playfully swatted at his brother’s hand until Murphy finally released his tight grip on his pants, allowing Connor to pull back a bit further. Getting Murphy to release his ass was a bit more difficult and Connor had to pull at his wrist as he twisted away, mock scolding his twin with a quiet, “Behave, Murphy.”

“It’s no fun being good, Connor,” Murphy huffed as he sat back, his hands suddenly feeling cold without Connor in them. Murphy didn’t want to stop what they were doing; he wanted to kiss and touch and taste some more. “It’s no fun at all.”

Connor smirked at Murphy’s reaction, loving every nuance of his brother’s moods. Sometimes it was so obvious Murphy was the baby of the family and Connor loved that about his brother…..Murphy looked adorable when he pouted.

“Just settle down and eat your pancakes. I’ll let you be a bad boy later…..when we’re home alone, okay?” Connor brought his own plate to the table and sat next to his twin, smiling gently as Murphy’s face lit up with the prospect of nighttime play.

“You promise?” Murphy asked with a glint in his eye, his bare feet finding Connor’s under the table, his toes wiggling and teasing as Connor slowly nodded. Murphy didn’t need to hear the promise, he didn’t even need the nod…..Connor promised with his eyes and Murphy heard it with his heart.

Murphy slid one foot up Connor’s pant leg and teased his shin while his other foot rubbed Connor’s arch, all the while keeping his eyes trained on his brother’s expressive face. A gamut of emotions and a wave of desire passed over Connor’s face as he tried to control his reaction and stay soft between his legs but Murphy was making it damn near impossible.

“Murph…..” Connor quietly warned, his voice stern but his face smiling, his eyes dancing. Connor wasn’t about to tell Murphy to stop, not in a million fucking years and he laughed quietly as Murphy’s toes hit a particularly ticklish spot and lingered.

“What is it, Connor?” Murphy smiled sweetly at him, his wide eyed innocent look mastered to perfection as he slowly blinked his eyes at his brother. As his feet continued to play, Murphy reached for the syrup and he poured an exorbitant amount onto his pancakes, his finger running across the lip of the bottle to catch the last stray drop. With one quick swipe of his tongue, Murphy’s finger was clean and he again smiled innocently at his twin.

“All right, you little shit. That’s enough,” Connor told him with a point to his brother’s plate, eager to see Murphy’s reaction when he actually tasted what he cooked. “Eat your fucking breakfast.”

Murphy decided to stop teasing his brother’s sensibilities, at least for now. Besides, there was only so much they could do with their mother down the hall. But he just couldn’t move his feet away from his brother…..footsie with Connor was too much fun. So Murphy’s feet remained on Connor, rubbing and tickling while he lifted his fork to his mouth and took a large bite.

As soon as the taste hit his mouth, Murphy smiled with delight. _Cinnamon_ …..Connor didn’t just make pancakes, he made _cinnamon_ pancakes. Murphy stared at his brother as he slowly chewed, savoring the taste that now reminded him of Connor.

 

********

 

Connor watched his brother throughout the school day. He watched how differently he walked, knowing it was because of what they did the night before that caused Murphy’s gait to change. He watched Murphy blush each time they caught eyes and exchanged knowing looks, each twin remembering how amazing the other had been. And he watched Murph smirk as he played with his hair…..the little shit having a grand time torturing Connor as he leisurely ran his hand through his auburn locks for the millionth time that day.

Connor watched Murphy more than he should have, more than what was acceptable or could be written off as just brotherly attention. But he just couldn’t help himself…..Connor was in love.

His thoughts drifted back to Murphy’s deer in the headlights reaction in the bathroom when Connor said _“I fucking love you”_ …..during it, during the one time you’re not supposed to say it for the first time, right in mid-fuck. The words had slipped out unexpectedly but that didn’t make them any less true, not in the least. He was deeply in love with Murphy, it was an indisputable fact. No matter what they were doing, where they were or when the words were said…..Connor was in love and that wasn’t about to change. He knew Murphy was in love with him too, he didn’t doubt that for one second. But for some reason, Murphy didn’t say it back, he didn’t smile or even blush. And that wasn’t like Murph at all.

The more Connor thought about it, the more it bothered him…..not so much that Murphy didn’t say it back but that he pretended _Connor_ never said it. Like it was nothing, like it didn’t matter…..like they were just words with no emotion attached. And that fucking hurt.

Connor didn’t want to push his brother but he also knew they needed to talk about it. If he ignored it like Murphy did, it would eat away at Connor little by little and affect their relationship. And Connor couldn’t let that happen. So instead of paying attention in class, Connor watched his boyfriend and thought about what to do, deciding to broach the subject with him after school. He’d be gentle and careful but he’d find out why Murphy didn’t say it back…..he just had to know.

Murphy noticed Connor watching him; he’d have to be blind not to notice. It was exciting to have Connor’s eyes all over his body, to see the desire displayed on his face every time Murphy looked his way. Murphy felt himself shifting in his seat constantly under Connor’s steady gaze; he liked being watched but Connor’s intense stare made him especially nervous.

It took all of Murphy’s inner strength to keep his hands to himself. He caught himself reaching for his brother’s body dozens of times; he wanted to feel Connor’s warm skin, he wanted to stroke and rub every part he could reach…..Murphy wanted to be in constant contact with his incredible boyfriend. But instead, he was relegated to tiny little strokes only Connor would notice, inconspicuous touches no one would think twice about. Or so he thought.

Connor dragged him outside during lunch, which was completely unusual due to Connor’s constant need to eat. As Connor pulled on his arm, Murphy couldn’t help but hope that maybe, just maybe, his boyfriend found a place for them to be alone for a few minutes. A place they could kiss or even just hold hands. A place they could be Connor and Murphy, boyfriends.

Murphy was practically jumping out of his skin…..it was exciting to think Connor wanted to be with him so much that he couldn’t wait until they got home. Murphy couldn’t wait either; he wanted nothing more than to be alone with his Connor.

Connor led Murphy past the parking lot and into a wooded area, weaving them between trees and down a small embankment. When they rounded a large tree, Connor quickly looked around before he turned to his boyfriend and roughly pinned him against the tree, his thigh between Murphy’s legs.

Connor stared into Murphy’s eyes, his breath hot in his face as he reached up and stroked Murphy’s hair with both hands. “Hi, Murph,” Connor whispered, placing a light kiss on his lips as he pressed his body harder against his brother.

“Hi,” Murphy whispered breathlessly, more of a sigh than an actual word. With Connor this close, with his hands in his hair, Murphy couldn’t breathe. Connor’s face, his smell, his body made Murphy swoon and lose all focus.

Murphy stared at his incredible Connor and he placed his hands on his brother’s waist, pausing only momentarily before he squirreled his hands under Connor’s shirt and up his bare back. As he rubbed his fingers along Connor’s chiseled muscles, Murphy felt a blush form on his face as his cock stiffened against Connor’s thigh.

Connor felt Murphy’s dick harden.....he fucking loved how hard he could make his brother. Murphy was breathing heavy and he kept licking his lips with that fucking sexy tongue of his, driving Connor completely insane. Connor grinded his thigh between Murphy’s legs and a small whimper of pleasure escaped Murphy’s mouth, turning on Connor even more with that excited sound.

“Connor,” Murphy moaned as he started to sweat, his fingers scratching along Connor’s back as his excitement grew exponentially. “Don’t…..don’t stop.”

Connor kissed his lips for only a moment before he slid his face downward to focus on Murphy’s neck, licking the small droplets of salty moisture from his brother’s skin. He kept one hand in that soft fucking hair his brother had been teasing him with all morning while the other ran over Murphy’s body, feeling and squeezing everything he could. There was no gentleness in the touch, only needy lust.

“We only have a few minutes, Murph,” Connor moaned into his ear, using his nose to push Murphy’s hair to the side so he could lick his ear. “Not enough time for me to do what I want to you.”

Murphy closed his eyes and pressed his face into the junction between Connor’s neck and shoulder, sucking gently as he grinded his erection on Connor’s leg, his hips moving in a steady rhythm as he inhaled his brother’s musky scent.

“Fucking hell…..” Murphy croaked between soft grunts as Connor pushed his thigh harder against Murphy’s aching cock and grinded in sweet opposition. “I feel like a dog humping your leg.”

“Today’s not hump day, Murph. Maybe we should stop, yeah?”

Murphy opened his eyes and pulled his head from Connor’s shoulder, looking his brother square in the baby blues. Neither twin stopped moving, neither twin slowed their grinding motions…..not even when Murphy muttered a quiet _fuck you._

Connor chuckled as his hand snaked down Murphy’s body and he pushed his palm into Murphy’s hard-on, his hand grinding harder than his thigh ever could and he was rewarded with a low moan from somewhere deep inside Murphy.

Connor wanted to take his time, he wanted to watch Murphy’s face change as his excitement built, Connor wanted to spend hours in the woods playing with his beautiful boyfriend’s body. But they were running out of time, it wouldn’t be too much longer before the warning bell sounded so Connor moved on to Murphy’s belt, making quick work of it before he unzipped Murphy’s jeans and dipped his fingers inside his boxers.

He pulled his lover’s engorged cock free and after only a quick look downward at the beauty he held in his hand, Connor began to stroke his brother off. Murphy’s eyes closed and he tilted his head backward, resting it against the tree and providing Connor with a stunning view of his neckline.

Connor licked a long stripe up Murphy’s neck as he pulled and twisted his boyfriend’s dick, smearing precum along the shaft with his thumb. Murphy panted loudly in perfect rhythm to the dick pulls, his face covered in sweat, his body even sweatier. One hand scratched Connor’s back in jagged streaks while the other clutched his bicep, feeling the muscles in Connor’s arm flex as he worked on his cock.

Murphy warned his brother of his impending release with the growled words _“I’m gonna cum”_ before he fell to his knees in the dirt. Connor didn’t foresee Murphy’s collapse and due to the sheer suddenness of it, Connor was unable to hold him up, so instead Connor followed him to the ground, still clutching Murphy’s cock in his hand. Murphy’s balls drew up and he came with an echoing moan of Connor’s name on his tongue, his face contorted with pleasure as his cum spurted from his body.

Cum splattered on the ground in front of Murphy before the final jets sputtered from his dick and cascaded down Connor’s hand, coating it with his hot love. Connor switched hands to prevent cum from dripping off his fingers onto Murphy’s jeans and he dipped his head to quickly clean his brother, savoring the taste of his sweet Murph. Murphy opened his eyes just as Connor began to lick his cum from his fingers and he watched Connor’s smiling face as he tried to calm his pounding heart.

“You okay, Murph?” Connor asked his exhausted brother once his fingers were clean and every drop was down his throat.

Murphy nodded, wanting to curl up in Connor’s arms and hold him tight……like he’d done in the barn and in Connor’s bed the night before. He felt a desperate need to hold Connor but given the fact they still had a half day of school left, being held by his lover was an impossibility, at least until after school dismissed.

Connor stood and pulled Murphy to his feet just as the warning bell sounded, the piercing shrill echoing in the treetops like a screaming banshee. Murphy jumped at the sound and looked around, almost forgetting where they were for a second. The siren reminded Murphy of their mother’s screeching voice when she yelled at him and it sent a slight chill through his body.

Connor watched Murphy zip his pants and fumble with his belt, his fingers suddenly uncoordinated with his efforts as he glanced in Connor’s direction but didn’t make eye contact. Connor didn’t like seeing his twin like this…..Murphy was suddenly so quiet and avoiding Connor’s eyes. It was unsettling. As Murphy turned to return to school, Connor reached out and stopped his brother with a gentle pull on his arm.

“You sure you’re okay?” Connor asked, his voice laced with not only love but deep concern.

Murphy nodded and finally met Connor’s eyes as he tried to smile for his brother but the best he could do was a slight grin, which Connor knew was fake. He knew Connor was worried about him, more so than normal…..Connor’s eyes gave him away.

Murphy felt bad, he didn’t want to worry Connor but he didn’t know why he was so quiet, or why he felt the need to cling to Connor after they fooled around. He couldn’t explain his reaction to his brother when he didn’t understand it himself.

Being with Connor was the best thing ever, it was his dream of all dreams, and it was what Murphy lived for. He felt wonderful when they were together, their love making was unbelievable and Murphy felt alive in Connor’s arms. But at the same time, Murphy felt scared and he wanted to cry. And worse than that, he wasn’t sure why.

“Murph?”

Murphy wanted to say something but he didn’t trust his voice. If he tried to speak, it would crack with emotion and he just knew he’d cry if that happened. So instead, he bit his lip and motioned with his head toward the school, hoping Connor wouldn’t push.

Connor followed his brother through the trees and out into the sun, heading slowly toward the school. Murphy shoved his hands into his pockets and stared at the ground as he walked in complete silence, his twin brother by his side watching closely.

Once they reached the school, the wet dirt stains on Murphy’s knees caught Connor’s attention and he stopped Murphy just before they entered the side door. Murphy must have hit a wet patch of dirt when he went to his knees and Connor squatted in front of his younger half, rubbing his hand over the stain in a futile effort to remove it.

“Shit. It’s too wet, it’s not coming out.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Murphy mumbled as he brushed his hand over his knees with no effect, his fingers inadvertently running over Connor’s hand. He loved Connor fussing over him but now wasn’t the time…..Connor’s mother henning needed to wait until later.

Murphy’s voice relaxed Connor and his light touch settled his fear even more but it was Murphy’s smile Connor needed…..he wouldn’t stop worrying until he saw that smile. Just as that thought crossed Connor’s mind, just as it was about to take up residency, Murphy smiled at him and Connor felt his worries melt away.

“I’ll scrub my pants when I get home,” Murphy mumbled as Connor got to his feet. “It’s not the first time I’ve had to scrub stains out of something.”

Connor couldn’t help but laugh, his relief making the moment seem even funnier. “I guess it’s better than cum stains, right?”

Murphy snorted as a larger smile formed on his face, finally relaxing his twin completely as they shared a dirty joke. As he reached for the door, Murphy whispered, “Cum stains are always better, Connor. For obvious reasons.”

 

********

 

Connor couldn’t figure out why his brother was mad at him.

They’d returned to school after their fun in the woods and even though Murphy was quiet at first, he seemed fine after Connor made his cum stain joke. Murph was talking and laughing again and telling Connor he smelled like ass. In other words, Murphy was perfectly fine.

They had separate classes after lunch and Connor didn’t see his brother until two classes later and by then, Murphy wasn’t talking to him anymore. In fact, Murphy didn’t even wait for him after school; he took off in an angry huff as soon as the final bell rang and Connor had to run to catch up.

Connor walked by his brother’s side in silence, pacing him step for step…..he wasn’t about to let Murphy get away. Running was no longer allowed, not since that time Murphy snuck out the window and ran to Jonathan. Murphy could ignore Connor, he could tell him to fuck off…..hell, Murphy could even hit him if he wanted. But what Connor wouldn’t let him do was run.

“Did someone take your milk money, Murph? Tell me her name and I’ll take care of it,” Connor joked, trying for some kind of reaction, hoping for at least a “fuck off” from his brother but all Murphy did was pick up his pace in a futile attempt to get away. Connor took a deep breath in order to brace himself for what was to come…..he learned long ago that when Murphy was silent, it was merely the calm before the storm.

It wouldn’t be so bad if he knew what Murphy was upset about…..if he knew what the fucking problem was, he could fix it. Murphy was obviously mad at him but for the life of him, Connor had no idea why. He had to get his brother to tell him what happened. One way or another, Murphy’s silent treatment had to end.

About halfway home, Connor tried again to get his brother to respond. He talked about school, he made jokes…..Connor even promised to make snicker doodles if Murphy would just say _something._

Murphy suddenly stopped and looked directly at his twin, a tiny puff of dust forming at his feet as he shifted his heavy backpack on his shoulder. Murphy narrowed his eyes and muttered one word before he looked away and continued his quick pace toward home. “Something.”

“That’s a good one, smart ass,” Connor yelled at his brother’s back as Murphy tried to leave him behind once again, Connor breaking into a trot to catch his quick footed brother. No further words were said by the irate dark haired boy the rest of the way home; all Murphy did was kick at stones and occasionally glare at his brother.

Once they arrived home, Murphy ran up the porch steps and slammed the door in Connor’s face, quickly making his way through the kitchen and up to their bedroom, two steps at a time. Connor slowly entered the house, vowing not to lose his temper with his emotional other half, and he poured himself a glass of milk to give himself time to cool off before he confronted his brother.

As Connor sat at the kitchen table, he expected to hear the sound of his stuff being hurled across their bedroom. Usually, that’s what Hurricane Murphy did when he was mad…..he threw Connor’s shit everywhere. But it was eerily quiet upstairs. There was no banging, there was no thumping, there wasn’t even the stomping of Murphy’s feet or the squeaking of the floorboards.

As Connor listened to the silence, a sick feeling came over him, a wave of nausea he could barely tolerate. It was too quiet, as if Murphy wasn’t up there at all. The little fucker better not have crawled out the window.....Connor would kill him if he did that shit again.

Connor quickly made his way up the stairs and he paused outside the door to say a silent prayer that the love of his life was still in their bedroom. Connor didn’t care if all his stuff was thrown around their room, he didn’t give a shit if everything he owned was destroyed…..just as long as Murphy was behind that door. His hand shook as he reached for the doorknob and rested it on the brass. _Please God, just let Murphy be home._

Connor slowly opened the door and as he stepped inside, he exhaled quietly. Murphy didn’t leave, he didn’t run from Connor…..he was lying quietly in his bed, his back to the door. As Connor slowly approached the bed, Murphy tucked his hand under his pillow in an attempt to hide whatever he had been looking at, whatever made him sniff quietly and wipe at his face.

“Murph?”

“Just leave me alone, Connor,” Murphy quietly whispered as he turned away from his brother’s voice and pressed his face into his pillow.

But Connor couldn’t do that, he _wouldn’t_ do that, no fucking way would he back off now. He took a quick inventory of the room, noting that none of his things had been thrown against the wall. In fact, nothing was out of place.

Except the dictionary…..the dictionary that held the hidden pictures of them from their first date, the pictures of them kissing passionately in the photo booth. The pictures that Murphy couldn’t get enough of, the pictures he said captured their love. The book wasn’t in the drawer like it should be, it was sitting on their desk, open to the letter “L.”

Connor sat on the bed next to his brother, completely baffled as to why the pictures that usually made Murphy smile now made him cry.

“Murphy…..what did I do? You need to tell me.”

After what felt like an eternity, Murphy wiped at his face and cleared his throat before he quietly began to speak. Connor struggled to hear his brother’s words; when Murphy was overwrought, when he was overcome with his emotions, he could barely be heard.

“You…..you took me to the same place you took Katie.”

“What?”

Murphy really didn’t want to have to explain it to his brother, he just wanted it to go away; he wanted it to cease to exist. It was stupid, he was being a complete fucking baby and a jealous little prick. Connor had relationships before Murphy and he’d been plenty of places with other dates, Murphy knew this. But he just didn’t want Connor to take him someplace where he’d fucked someone else, especially Katie. It hurt to think of Connor with anyone but him. And it hurt even worse to think their love wasn’t special to Connor.

“Murphy…..” Connor sighed heavily, reminding himself that his Murphy was inexperienced with dating, he’d only had one short-term boyfriend and really……did Jonathan even count? Add to that the fact that Murphy was far too believing, sensitive and incredibly insecure and you have the perfect recipe for what Connor saw before him…..his lover in pain for no damn good reason.

“Who fed you this bullshit, Murph?”

Connor waited patiently, seeing the usual shoulder shrug Murphy gave when he didn’t want to answer a question. Murphy’s thumb ran over the pictures in his hand and suddenly he felt like the biggest fool.

“Katie,” Murphy said her name, hating her even more than before.

She had stopped him between classes, telling him she knew where he’d been at lunch and why his knees were dirty. Which made Murphy laugh…..at first. Until she mentioned Connor and what she did with him in the very same woods. Then it wasn’t funny anymore. Then it just hurt.

_“Katie?_ Doesn’t that tell you something?” Connor paused, giving Murphy the opportunity to come to his own conclusion before he set the record straight. After a moment, Connor pointedly said, “I’ve never been with anyone else in the woods but you, Murph. Not Katie, not Brian, no one….. _only you.”_

Murphy rolled onto his back and he looked into his brother’s tender eyes, seeing nothing but love and understanding reflected back. In an instant, he knew Connor was telling him the truth…..Connor would never take him someplace where he’d been with someone else. Murphy had been a fucking idiot; he’d believed a jilted lover and almost ruined the best thing that ever happened to him.

“Connor, I just…..I thought you…..I…..” Murphy sighed loudly as he quickly wiped his sleeve across his reddened eyes, trying to prevent his tears from falling. “Why do you put up with me? I’m such a stupid jerk.”

With a smile, Connor leaned forward and pulled Murphy’s arm from his face, gently wiping the moisture from his cheeks. “You’re not a jerk….. _you’re my Murph.”_

Murphy laughed and again graced Connor with the smile that melted his heart. Murphy liked what Connor said, it was the first time Murphy ever heard Connor call him _“my Murph”_ and it made him feel special.

“Say that again, Connor.” Murphy belonged to Connor and only Connor…..and he wanted to hear his love say it again.

“What?”

Murphy shrugged as his face warmed with the heat of his blush. “Call me your Murph.”

“You like that, huh?” Murphy nodded and Connor wiped the last of the wetness from his lover’s face. He gently kissed Murphy’s lips…..a sweet, tender kiss that Murphy felt down to his toes. As he brushed the hair from Murphy’s eyes, Connor whispered, “You’re my Murph.”


	46. It Doesn't Count

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the delay. I have not forsaken this story, not at all. For some reason, this chapter too forever to write but it is now FINALLY complete. I hope you enjoy and please feel free to leave a comment. And thank you ALL for your continued support.....you continue to amaze me in every way possible.

Connor didn’t want to be mad at Murphy but he was. Another two days had passed since Connor said _it_ in the heat of the moment and Murphy was still acting like it never happened, like Connor never said he loved him. Murphy smiled at Connor, he kissed him…..Murphy made passionate fucking love to Connor every chance he could. But what Murphy didn’t do was dignify Connor’s words with a response. He acted like those words were never said at all.

Connor stared at the ceiling as Murphy stirred beside him, his baby brother still lost in peaceful sleep as his rhythmic breathing warmed Connor’s bare chest. He thought about unhooking Murphy’s hands from his body and crawling into his own bed but _fuck_ …..he loved the little shit clinging to him and he just didn’t want to leave his warm embrace. Even though Connor was mad, even though he was annoyed and deeply hurt, he was also hopelessly in love with the boy in his arms and he wasn’t about to withdraw from him.

As he stroked Murphy’s hair, Connor realized his mistake…..he should have talked to his brother the night it happened, the night he moaned those fateful words. Connor held no regret in his heart for what he said; he was in love with Murphy and he’d never take those words back. But he did regret saying it mid fuck. And even more than saying it mid fuck, Connor regretted his silence afterward.

It was no great mystery why Connor didn’t push Murphy that night…..it was because Connor was scared. He was scared Murph wasn’t ready to hear those words, he was scared he’d overwhelm his lover with the intensity of his feelings…..Connor was scared Murphy would run from him like he did when Connor confronted him about the hickeys. So after Murphy froze with his dick half up his ass and that strange look on his face, Connor didn’t want to chance scaring his brother any more than he already had. He didn’t want Murphy to run from him. So he waited.

By the time Connor got his nerve back up, Katie happened. She misled Murphy with her falsehoods and planted seeds of doubt as she tried to drive a wedge between them. The bitch almost succeeded too. Murphy should have known not to believe some crazy, fucked up lies but his anxiety fed his insecurity and his insecurity fed his fear…..plus Murphy was just too fucking naïve, which Katie was able to easily exploit. It broke Connor’s heart to see Murphy so upset, to see his blue eyes clouded with tears and pain, to see his Murph overcome with heartache. By the time Connor calmed Murphy down, he didn’t have the heart to upset his lover any further with questions about the other night. So he waited. Again.

But while Connor waited, it began to eat away at him bit by bit, piece by piece. It burrowed into his psyche and toyed with his emotions, it wreaked havoc with his heart. He knew Murphy was in love with him….. _he fucking knew it_ …..yet Murphy was holding back and Connor honestly didn’t know why. With each passing moment, with every tick of the clock, Connor’s need to hear those words of love grew a bit more desperate.

Connor needed his lover to look into his eyes and tell him how he felt; he wanted Murphy to whisper over and over how much he loved him in that sexy way that was uniquely Murph. Connor wanted to see it in Murphy’s eyes as he heard it in his words. And until that happened, until Murphy trusted him with his heart, Connor would be empty and incomplete…..their relationship would be stagnant.

With the next beat of his heart, Connor made up his mind. He wouldn’t delay any further, he’d talk to Murphy today…..he had to. If he didn’t, his anger would build and his resentment would grow until it eclipsed the love they recently discovered. And there was no fucking way Connor would let that happen. Come hell or high water, today they’d talk about what Connor said and why Murphy didn’t say it back.

“Morning, Conn,” Murphy’s sleepy voice greeted Connor and tore him from his reverie, his brother’s soft intonation having its usual soothing effect. Connor’s anger didn’t dissipate with the sound of Murphy’s voice but it did diminish somewhat and for that he was grateful.

Connor slid his hand deeper into his brother’s hair and scratched his scalp, detangling the hair with his fingers as Murphy softly sighed against his chest. “’Bout time you woke up, sleepyhead,” Connor mumbled into his lover’s hair, his lips following his words with a soft kiss to the messy mop.

Murphy loved waking up to Connor in his bed…..it was the best thing ever to feel those strong arms wrapped around his body and to feel that hand in his hair. Murphy softly kissed Connor’s chest as his hand moved in slow strokes across his belly, teasing and gently pulling the little hairs around Connor’s navel.   
Murphy lifted his head and squinted in the early morning sun, his gaze falling upon the face of his boyfriend as he tried to focus on his features.

Despite his lingering irritation, Connor laughed at his younger twin. Murphy’s hair stuck up in seemingly random tufts, he rubbed his sleepy eyes with the back of his hand and he was snuggly warm as he slowly crawled up Connor’s body. Holy hell…..Murphy was cute as fuck when he was like this.

“I dreamt about you last night,” Murphy whispered, slowly blinking in a half-asleep haze before he placed a soft kiss on Connor’s chin, smiling at the stubble he felt against his lips. Murphy blushed slightly as he remembered the rough burn he had on his body from his brother’s face the night before…..the rough burn on delicate places he wanted Connor to revisit.

“Oh yeah?” Connor noncommittally responded, carefully keeping his voice neutral as he tried to quash his residual anger before Murphy picked up on it.

Murphy nodded as he gauged the foreign look in his brother’s eyes. Connor looked interested in what he was saying but his demeanor was slightly reserved…..almost guarded. If Murphy didn’t know better, he’d swear Connor was mad at him. Murphy shifted on the bed, moving even closer to his brother as he pushed down his insecurity.....he wasn’t about to let their morning be ruined with his irrational thoughts. He had to stop being an insecure little fuck…..there was no reason for Connor to be mad at him, none at all.

“Mmm-hmm. All night I dreamt about you,” Murphy confessed in his whispery soft voice that he knew drove Connor nuts.

“All night, huh?”

Murphy’s hand flattened on Connor’s chest, his fingers fanning out to tickle his flesh as Murphy bit his lip in an effort to control his excitement. He tried to be patient as he waited for Connor to ask about his dream but he could hardly contain himself.

Murphy wanted to share every nuance of his dream, every tiny detail, every feeling he had. He wanted to tell Connor how they ran away to America, just the two of them…..how deeply in love they were and how good it felt to live a normal life and not hide anymore. But especially, Murphy wanted to tell Connor how happy the dream made him because it felt like a real possibility…..maybe not moving to America, but being happy and in love somewhere together. Just the two of them.

“Don’t you want to hear about my dream?” Murphy finally prompted when Connor didn’t ask any questions, when he just watched silent and unmoving. Connor’s reaction was confusing…..every morning since their first date, they shared their dreams from the night before, delighting in every detail, no matter how trivial. Usually Connor eagerly listened, usually he asked a million questions and kissed Murphy between softly whispered details…..usually Connor was interested. But this morning, Connor wasn’t acting like himself, not at all.

As he watched his brother’s face, the last of Connor’s anger melted away like ice in the summer sun. Murphy was so excited to talk about his dream and Connor was certain by the look on Murphy’s face and the way his fingers played with his chest hair that Murphy was talking about a sex dream. Connor loved how insatiable his twin could be, Murphy was the sexiest guy Connor ever laid eyes on and he just couldn’t resist Murphy when he was this fucking close. Connor reached up and pushed his boyfriend’s hair from his eyes, smiling at his brother and deciding their talk could wait a bit longer. If Murphy wanted to play…..then they’d play.

“You have the best sex dreams, Murph,” Connor whispered as he shifted his thigh against Murphy’s groin, pushing firmly between his brother’s legs and expecting to find hardness. But Murphy was soft against his thigh, Connor didn’t feel any morning wood and this shocked him, considering Murphy dreamt about him all night. “What the fuck, Murph? Your dick still asleep?”

Murphy pulled away slightly, shifting not only his face but his cock away from his smirking twin. In a strange way, it hurt that Connor assumed his dream was purely pornographic and not something more meaningful or profound. Sure, Murphy had millions of sex dreams about Connor, he even told Connor about some of the raunchier ones. But Murphy also had millions of dreams about Connor that didn’t involve sex, dreams that revolved around their future, wonderful dreams full of hope and love.....like last night’s dream.

“Why do you just assume my dream was about sex?”

Murphy sounded hurt and Connor suddenly realized his brother’s dream had nothing to do with sex, not at all. The spark of excitement in Murphy’s eyes was replaced with a twinge of pain, all because Connor misinterpreted the situation, all because he mistook his brother’s natural sexiness for something more…..all because Connor assumed Murphy was horny and just wanted to fuck. Connor felt like a real shit, a complete tool…..Connor felt like the worst boyfriend ever.

“I’m not a sex fiend, Connor.” Murphy sat up and glared at his reclining lover, his irritation growing by leaps and bounds as Connor squirmed under his angry gaze, shocked by how angry and hurt Murphy sounded. “I dream about things other than sex. I dream about all kinds of things. Really nice things.”

“Murph…..” Connor began but was quickly cut off.

“There’s more to me than just sex, you know. I’m not all about _fucking.”_

Murphy’s loud words made Connor cringe, especially the way he spit out the word ‘fucking.’ Connor said no to Murphy so many times in the beginning of their relationship and it was Connor who wanted to wait until the time was right before making love. Murphy _had_ to know Connor wasn’t just after his body, his actions proved that. No, Murphy’s comments referred to something from his past…..or someone from his past. Someone who made Murphy feel like a thing and not a person. Someone who used Murphy’s body for sex and didn’t give a fuck if Murphy said no. Someone who did a complete mind fuck on his twin just because he could.

Connor gingerly reached for his brother and rested his hand on his back, relief spreading through his body when Murphy didn’t wiggle away or push him off. He slowly stroked Murphy’s spine, careful not to go too low on his back; Connor was comforting his brother, not seducing him.

“I know you’re not a sex fiend, Murph. And I know there’s more to you than just sex…..a whole lot more. Nobody knows that better than me. You’re my Murph. Remember?”

Connor felt the expansion of Murphy’s rib cage under his hand as his brother took a deep breath and slowly released it. Murphy looked away for the briefest moment before his eyes softened and returned to his brother’s face. Murphy always had trouble keeping his eyes off Connor and this time was no exception.

“I’m your Murph.” His words weren’t a question, they were a whispered statement, as if Murphy was trying to convince himself of something he didn’t quite believe. He lowered his head as he whispered an apology Connor didn’t want or need. “I’m sorry, Connor. It’s just…..I just don’t want you thinking I’m only good for fucking, you know?”

Connor was shocked by Murphy’s words but he was quick to recover and he pushed aside his own need to talk about Murphy’s reaction from the other night…..or to be more precise, Murphy’s lack of reaction. He’d already waited days to ask Murphy why he didn’t say ‘I love you’ back; a few more hours wouldn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. With renewed vigor, Connor focused his energy on reassuring his boyfriend he was more than just a fuck toy, Murphy was good for things other than sex while at the same time Connor somehow avoided the ‘I love you’ conversation that still gnawed at his insides.

Ten minutes later and the twins were wrapped comfortably around each other once again, their limbs tangled together between Murphy’s purple sheets. Murphy rested his head in the crook of his brother’s shoulder and he watched the steady rise and fall of Connor’s chest as he played with the hair sprinkled across Connor’s skin, reflecting on his words.

Despite his nagging insecurities, Murphy had listened to what Connor told him and he did his best to believe his twin, even though he still had doubts. Connor was careful with what he said and how he said it, his words were gentle and loving but something seemed a bit off. He was treating Murphy with kid gloves, almost as if he were afraid Murphy would break…..or maybe run. Connor was protective but this felt excessive.

The more Murphy thought about it, the more he suspected Connor was hiding something…..something that bothered him greatly. Connor’s behavior was different the last couple days, his fuse was shorter, his manner gruff, their interactions guarded. Connor still looked at him with love and desire, he obviously still wanted Murphy but there was something else haunting that look, something that was eating him up inside. And Murphy needed to find out what that   
something was.

Murphy lifted his head and rolled onto his stomach so he could look directly into his brother’s face, not giving Connor any chance to avoid his eyes. Connor’s smile quickly faded when he noted the serious look on his brother’s face and the intense look in his gaze. Murphy wasn’t looking to kiss, he didn’t want to flirt and based upon how he was studying Connor’s face, Murphy wasn’t playing around either. No…..his Murphy was worried about him. But why?

“What is it, Murph? Are you okay?”

“Yeah…..I’m fine. Are _you_ okay? And don’t you lie to me, Connor.”

Connor considered telling his brother exactly what was on his mind, he really needed answers but now really wasn’t a good time. Not when they were still in bed, not when there was cuddling to be had and _especially_ not with their mother in the house. But Connor knew his brother wasn’t about to give up, Murphy’s eyes were steady and intense; Murphy had that determined look that said he wasn’t backing down. Lying would be pointless.

“I’m fine, Murph. I just have a lot on my mind, s’all. Nothing that can’t wait.” He hoped that would settle his twin down, to relax him enough to return to his arms but it wasn’t even close. Not by a mile.

“I know something’s bothering you, I can see it in your eyes. You’ve been acting pissy for days.”

“I have not. And don’t call me pissy.” Connor didn’t know why he denied it, of course Murphy picked up on his irritation. He wasn’t just Connor’s lover, he was his twin brother. Murphy picked up on things no one else would even notice or understand.

“Let’s go back to sleep, okay? We’ll talk about it later.” Connor tried to keep his tone light as he gently patted Murphy’s butt. Connor tried not to sound annoyed but Murphy knew better and no amount of butt patting would distract him.

“You’re still acting pissy, Connor. I want to know what’s bugging you. Just fucking tell me already.”

With a roll of his eyes, Connor snapped at his brother. “Jesus Christ. No wonder I’m so fucking pissy with you bugging the shit out of me like a little fucking five year old.”

Murphy waited for a moment…..Connor’s little pissy attitude wasn’t about to deter him. He could wait all day if he had to. “Tell me.”

Connor was quiet for a few moments as Murphy waited, their eyes locked in a semi-challenge of wills…..a challenge of wills Murphy won. Hardly seemed fair, really. Murphy was such a stubborn little shit, of course he won.

“Murph.” Connor sighed; he had no idea how to say what he wanted to say or even where to start. After another long moment, Connor cleared his throat and started again. “Murphy.”

Fuck, this must be bad if Connor couldn’t say anything more than his name. Murphy gnawed on his lip, trying not to freak out. Connor didn’t sound pissy anymore, he sounded upset…..which was far worse. Murphy could handle pissy, sometimes Connor got his panties in a bunch but it usually wasn’t a big deal. Sometimes it was even funny. But Murphy never knew what to do when Connor was upset…..it freaked him out mainly because it happened so rarely.

“I need to ask you something,” Connor finally whispered, waiting for the okay to continue but all Murphy could do was nod his head in encouragement…..nod and chew furiously on his bottom lip.

Connor was scaring the fuck out of his brother and Murphy held his breath in an attempt not to vomit as his face paled somewhat. But Connor didn’t notice any of that, he was too consumed with trying not to vomit himself. Connor gathered his courage; he’d come this far, he had to know the answer to his question even if it wasn’t the answer he wanted.

“The other night when we were in the bathroom.....fucking. I said I loved you, Murph. And I know you heard me because you stopped right in mid thrust and just stared at me.”

Now Murphy was really scared because he understood where the conversation was going, he knew why Connor had been so pissy the past couple days, why he’d been so distracted. Murphy now understood why Connor was hurt.

“So I guess I was just wondering why you didn’t say it back.”

Murphy didn’t know what to say. No matter how he explained it or what he said, Connor would be hurt, there was no way around it. Connor was waiting for an answer and Murphy gave him the only answer he had. With a shrug of his shoulders, Murphy whispered, “Because it didn’t count.”

Connor’s brow instantly furrowed, his eyes narrowed in confusion, his mouth formed a frown. “What do you mean it didn’t count? Of course it counted.”

Murphy stared at his brother as he thought back to that moment in the bathroom. It was the best and the worst night of his life, all rolled into one. After years of waiting and wanting, after years of dreaming, he finally made love to his Connor for the very first time. And that was after Connor made love to him in the barn. It was the best of both worlds, the ultimate dream come true…..to fuck and be fucked by the man he loved; to top and bottom on the same night.

But by the same token, it was also the worst night in Murphy’s life. Connor would never love him, not like Murphy wanted him to. How could he? Murphy was too damaged to be loved, he was too fucked up. Father O’Shea was right…..no one could love him, not even Connor. Connor only thought he was in love because Murphy was good in the sack, that’s all.

Murphy took a deep breath and he slowly released it, his words even softer than before as he looked away from his brother. “Just never mind, Connor. You were right. We should go back to sleep.”

Murphy was being dismissive, he wanted to avoid this conversation but Connor couldn’t let that happen…..he wouldn’t let Murphy run from it, not after being told his love didn’t count. That was fucking bullshit and Connor knew it. He grabbed Murphy’s shoulders and rolled him over, pinning his twin to the mattress as he stared into his face. Murphy didn’t react and he didn’t fight; he let his brother pin him on his back with no resistance.

“You fucking look at me, Murphy.”

Murphy obeyed his brother and he looked at the man inches from his face, his Connor, the love of his life…..the only person in this world Murphy gave two shits about. He could die happy if only Connor was in love with him, even a little would be better than nothing.

“What do you mean it didn’t count? How could you say that?” Connor demanded, his voice overflowing with emotional turmoil as he struggled to maintain his control.

“It doesn’t count when you say it during sex, Connor. It’s meaningless,” Murphy explained matter-of-factly, his voice flat as he miraculously held off his emotion. “Even I know that.”

Connor opened his mouth to speak but before he could form any words of rebuttal, Murphy cut him off, his words suddenly full of the emotion he could no longer keep buried. “Don’t fucking say it now either because it still won’t count. Not after I explained it to you. So please just don’t, Connor, okay? Just….. _don’t.”_

Connor rolled off his twin and he stared at the ceiling, trying to decide how best to fix this situation and convince his brother he was sincere with his feelings. It didn’t matter if he said ‘I love you’ when they were fucking, Connor felt that love every moment of every day, not just during sex. “I understand what you’re saying Murph and normally you’d be right. Saying it during sex doesn’t count.”

“Exactly. You only said it because I made you feel good.”

“That’s not why I said it,” Connor instantly denied. “Not at all.”

“Give it up, Connor. You’re fucking lying. I know _exactly_ why you said it.”

“Will you shut the fuck up and let me fucking finish?” Connor couldn’t help snapping at his twin, Murphy was such a pain in the ass sometimes and Connor couldn’t stand it when he wouldn’t listen. Connor took a deep breath as he tried to remain calm; losing his temper with Murphy wouldn’t help.

Connor turned his head to look at his boyfriend…..his stubborn little shit of a brother who was again refusing to look in his direction. Connor wanted to take him in his arms and kiss away all his worries, he wanted Murphy to just fucking trust and believe his words, he wanted Murphy to realize he was worthy of love.

“Murph…..I’m in love with you. Head over heels, completely and hopelessly in love with you.”

Murphy’s eyes darted across the ceiling, his mind racing. After a few moments of awkward silence, he slowly shook his head. “I told you it doesn’t count, Connor. I don’t know why you had to say it again when I told you it doesn’t fucking count.”

Connor sat up and closed his eyes, shaking his head at his brother’s reaction as his hand reached up to rub his forehead. “I don’t know what to do with you sometimes Murph, I swear to Christ I don’t. I tell you I’m in love with you and you don’t believe me.”

Murphy wanted to believe his brother, he really did. He’d give anything if it were true. But he just didn’t understand how someone so beautiful in spirit as Connor could ever be in love with someone so broken and beyond repair. It just wasn’t possible.

“You just think you’re in love because I get you hot. But you’re not in love with me, you can’t be.”

Connor stared incredulously at his brother but still Murphy wouldn’t look at him; Murphy’s eyes remained glued to the cracks in the plaster above their heads. _“I can’t be?_ Well too fucking bad Murph because I am. I fucking love you.”

“Like a brother,” Murphy quietly interjected.

“Like a lover,” Connor responded, their words practically overlapping.

Murphy shrugged and finally looked at his brother once again, his eyes somewhat distant yet still reflecting deep pain. “I told you it doesn’t count.”

Connor was in danger of losing his tenuous grasp on his emotions, the pain in his heart was beginning to overwhelm him and take control. Connor was secure in his love for his brother, he knew his feelings were real and never ending and he knew unequivocally Murphy was in love with him as well. The pain he felt, the ache in his heart was not for himself…..it was for Murphy.

Until this very moment, Connor hadn’t realized just how traumatized his little brother actually was. His beautiful Murphy, the most amazing person he’d ever known and the man he was in love with just couldn’t believe what Connor said to him; Murphy couldn’t believe Connor was in love. This wasn’t just Murphy’s insecurity rearing its ugly head, this wasn’t just an overreaction based on fear.....no, this was something else entirely. Connor was certain Murphy’s reaction was the end result of his terrible ordeal from two years ago…..with Father O’Shea.

Connor felt himself shaking, his entire body was vibrating. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream…..he wanted to rage against the world on behalf of his beloved. But he couldn’t do that…..Murphy was watching him with wide eyes, he looked like he was about to cry as well. Connor had to get control of himself. For Murph. He needed to get away for a few minutes, just time enough to gather himself and regain his control.

“I need a break, Murph. I just can’t handle this right now and I really need a break.”

Murphy didn’t move, only his eyes moved as he watched Connor crawl out of his bed and slowly walk to the bathroom door. Connor mumbled a quiet apology but Murphy didn’t even hear it, his ears were still ringing with the worst words he’d ever heard….. _‘I need a break, Murph.’_ Tears welled up in Murphy’s eyes as he watched Connor disappear behind the bathroom door.

Murphy felt like he couldn’t breathe…..Connor broke up with him. Tears ran down his face as he sat up and looked around the room in a near panic. Connor dumped him. He didn’t know what to do, what’s he supposed to do? It hurts….. _it fucking hurts so much._ Connor doesn’t want him anymore. Jesus, he can’t take the pain. He can’t be here when Connor returns from the bathroom, it’ll hurt even worse to see his face. He should leave. Connor would want him to leave.


	47. One Hides, One Searches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In every life, there is some pain. But every great love will survive. Please remember this.

Where are you, Murph?

Connor searched without success for hours and he was left wondering where the fuck Murphy went, what the fuck he’s thinking, who the fuck he’s with. It killed Connor not to know where Murphy ran off to and his mind tortured him with the endless possibilities.

He did his best to suppress those torturous thoughts as he went to all of Murphy’s usual hiding places.....he went _twice_ in fact, but he still hadn’t found his elusive boyfriend. Even their twin mojo wasn’t working now that Murphy put up a wall and shut himself off from his brother. Obviously the little shit didn’t want to be found but that was too fucking bad. It might take some time and a whole lot of fucking effort but Connor would find him, he always did.

Connor headed to the pier for the third time, still reeling from the shock of returning to their empty bedroom minutes after what was basically their first lover’s quarrel. He should have known his sensitive other half would run, it’s what Murphy did whenever he was terribly hurt or overwhelmed. But Connor hadn’t noticed his brother’s anguish…..he’d been so consumed with his own pain that he never considered how his words would sound or how bad a choice they actually were. One thing you never say during an argument with your boyfriend is you need a break, even if all you need is a few minutes. That’s the shit a person says right before they dump someone and no doubt that’s what Murphy thought was happening. That’s almost as bad as saying I love you when you’re fucking, which of course Connor did as well.

Connor wanted to cry…..he just wanted to fucking cry. It hurt so bad to know he was the cause of Murphy’s pain; no one could hurt Murphy like he could and it was his words that cut like a knife into his brother’s heart.

It seemed all he did lately was fuck things up and hurt his brother when all he wanted was for Murphy to open up and share his feelings. Connor should have been more sensitive, he should have been gentle and patient but he hadn’t been any of those things. He did exactly what he had promised himself he wouldn’t do. He pushed. Murphy even tried to retreat from the conversation but Connor wouldn’t let him. Connor’s feelings had been hurt and as a result he pushed harder and focused not on his brother, but on his own need to hear Murphy say he was in love with him. He’d been a shitty boyfriend. And as a result, Connor had driven his lover not only from the house but from his bed as well.

Connor never could take his twin’s disappearing act in stride but now it was all the more painful. Their relationship had grown and changed into something deeper than Connor ever thought possible, something that lived in his heart and grew stronger with each passing moment. Their love was the most beautiful thing Connor could ever imagine. He’d die for Murph. They were so much more than just brothers now…..they were lovers. And as lovers, Connor wanted Murphy to lean on him instead of running away. He wanted his lover to trust him with every secret he had, no matter how dark it was. He wanted Murphy to give in to his feelings and let himself be loved.

He could fix this, he knew he could. He’d find Murphy and apologize for being a selfish prick. He’d hold his younger half in his arms and gently kiss his tears away until those tears were replaced with the smile Connor lived for. Connor would tell Murphy again and again and again that he was in love with him until Murphy finally believed him. And if Murphy couldn’t yet say it back, if he wasn’t ready to utter the words Connor already knew in his heart, then just knowing how Murphy felt would be enough for now.

 

********

 

Murphy wiped at his face for the millionth time since Connor dumped him but no matter how many times he wiped away his tears, fresh ones leaked from his eyes and ran down his flushed cheeks in long salty streaks. He tried not to cry but the pain was too great, it hurt too much and he couldn’t stop his tears from falling no matter what he did.

Connor broke up with him. Murphy bit his lip to stop its tremble and he briefly closed his eyes in a vain attempt to stop the tears as those five words Connor said ran through his mind once more. _I need a break, Murph_ …..it didn’t matter how many times Murphy heard it in his head, it still didn’t seem real. Probably because he spent all those years lying to himself and pretending Connor wanted him. But the truth of the matter was, Connor _didn’t_ want him. Not anymore. And all the pretending in the world wouldn’t change that painful fact.

Murphy never felt so awful in his life, the pain was unbearable and it only seemed to grow with each tick of the clock. He felt empty and lost and completely alone, almost as if someone died. Connor said he was in love with him but how could he be? And if Connor was truly in love like he said, then why did they break up? No, Connor wasn’t in love…..he was in lust. Murphy was good for fucking and not much else, just like he’d been told a long time ago.

He really didn’t blame Connor for dumping him though…..if he was Connor, he’d dump him too. Connor could do better than a fucked up boyfriend who couldn’t say he was in love with him. He deserved way better than that. Besides, Connor did just fine before they got together, he had boyfriends _and_ girlfriends and he’d find someone else soon enough. Connor would be happier without him. Murphy just wished they could have had more time together as a couple, even just a few weeks more. Although a million years as Connor’s boyfriend still wouldn’t have been enough for Murphy, if truth be told.

He should have told Connor the truth when he had the chance. Murphy should have looked into those eyes that made him forget how to breathe and told Connor how deeply in love he was, how he never loved anyone else but _him,_ how it was always Connor that held his heart. But it was too late for that now. He had his chance and he blew it.

Murphy made his way along the deserted road and he kicked at the random stones with his sneakers, watching them bounce and disappear into the tall grass off to the side. He had to find a place to be alone, a place Connor wouldn’t find him. His brother knew all his hiding places so he had to go somewhere Connor would never think of. It was ironic, actually. Even though Connor just dumped him, Murphy knew he’d be looking for him. But Murphy didn’t want to be found, not by anyone. Not even Connor.

 

********

 

The sick feeling from that morning lingered in Connor’s gut as he headed across town to a new destination, somewhere he really didn’t want to look but knew he had to…..just in case. He’d been everywhere he could think of, all of Murphy’s usual hiding places and his not so usual hiding places but his brother was nowhere to be found. One thing Murphy excelled at was hiding from his twin.

It was like that when they were little kids too, much to Murphy’s great delight and Connor’s even greater frustration. Whenever they played hide and seek, Connor had difficulty finding his twin. Most people thought they’d find each other easily, seeing as they had that twin mojo Murphy loved so much, but it was the exact opposite. Murphy would put up a wall and block Connor out, thinking his brother would eventually give up. But Connor never did. It may have taken hours, but he always found Murphy no matter where he hid.

The problem was, as they got older, Murphy got even better at hiding. So good in fact that when they were fourteen, Murphy hid from him for almost three days over some bullshit. Murphy had been enraged over his brother’s “lack of fucking respect” for his privacy after Connor caught him wanking in their bedroom. The funny thing was, all Connor did was walk into their room unexpectedly. But Murphy freaked out and after Connor refused to apologize, Murphy called him a nosey fucking bastard and took off. That turned out to be the longest three days of Connor’s life.

Connor shook his head at that memory and despite the current situation, he actually smiled. Murphy told him just recently that there was more to that story than Connor knew, _a lot more._ Turns out Murphy freaked out not just because he’d been caught dick in hand but because he’d been masturbating to thoughts of Connor. Murphy had been terrified Connor heard him moan his name. Connor hadn’t heard the moan but he did notice the constant boners Murphy got whenever he was around, which explained a lot now that he knew his brother’s feelings.

As Connor reminisced, it suddenly dawned on him how he found Murphy down by the creek all those years ago, which was the last place he should have been considering how it scared him. In fact, the creek _still,_ scared him…..which would make it the perfect hiding place for his baby brother. It was a strong possibility Murphy was holed up there and Connor vowed to visit the creek next.

Connor felt that familiar panic crawl up his spine and begin to take hold of his emotions but he did his best to push it back where it belonged, back into the dark recesses of his mind. There was no fucking way Murphy would be gone for three days like before…..Connor would find him _today_ and bring him home.

He took a deep breath when he arrived at his destination, his stomach in tight knots and his hands in tighter fists. Connor hated this fucking place; all he could think about was what happened the last time he was here and it made him sick to his stomach. One thing he never wanted to see again was Murphy in another man’s bed.

He slowly made his way to the apartment door of the man who dared call Murphy his “current.” All Connor knew was, Murphy better not fucking be here.

 

********

 

Jonathan couldn’t believe his luck. He had just driven by Murphy’s house and was heading home when he spotted the boy walking along the side of the road. All alone. Without his over-protective guard dog of a lover.

He instantly stepped on the brake and slowed his sports car to a near crawl, carefully staying far enough away to remain covert but close enough to keep a watchful eye. Jonathan needn’t have worried about being noticed however, Murphy was too consumed with thoughts of Connor to notice much of anything.

Murphy staggered slightly before he veered off through a small patch of grass, weaving his way between the trees until finally disappearing into the dense brush. Jonathan thought maybe Murphy had to take a piss but when he didn’t return to the road after a few minutes, Jonathan pulled the car over and parked along the berm.

As he exited his vehicle, he quickly glanced up the road just to make sure Connor wasn’t running after his brother. Jonathan wasn’t in the mood to deal with that possessive prick today and he was relieved there wasn’t a soul in sight. Once he was satisfied he’d have Murphy all to himself, Jonathan made his way through the trees in pursuit of his current.

Jonathan followed the path Murphy left behind until he broke through the trees into a slight clearing, the sound of a bubbling creek reaching his ears for the first time. It was a beautiful sight that greeted Jonathan’s eyes…..not so much the rustic scenery but the now shirtless boy standing at the water’s edge.

He could have approached Murphy right away but he preferred to watch first, if for no other reason than he could. That boy was fucking gorgeous and Jonathan instantly stiffened in his pants. He watched Murphy toss rocks into the water, the slight plopping sound almost making Jonathan laugh. He watched Murphy repeatedly wipe his hand across his wet cheeks, his body occasionally shaking with pent-up emotion. And Jonathan watched as Murphy lifted a now partially empty bottle of whiskey to his lips in an attempt to ease his pain.

It was time to make his presence known, it was time to surprise his current. Jonathan slowly walked toward the pale boy, too quiet to be noticed, too excited by the sight before him to look away, too thrilled with their apparent solitude to leave. There was no one to interrupt them this time; he’d have Murphy all to himself, just like he wanted.

As he reached the boy’s side, the movement in Murphy’s peripheral vision caught his attention and he slowly turned his head, expecting to see his brother. A look of shock covered his tear stained face and his mouth opened slightly as if to speak but no words came out.

Jonathan smiled as sweet a smile as he could muster and he softly greeted the boy he still desperately wanted to fuck.

“Hello, Murphy.”

 

********

 

“You can pound on the door for hours but you won’t get an answer. Jonathan’s not home.”

Connor turned toward the deep voice to his right, his glare that of a possessed man on a mission. His look mellowed only slightly when the middle aged man took a step backward out of deference to the glare and Connor forced himself to relax. If Jonathan wasn’t home, that meant Murphy wasn’t here either.

“Are you sure he’s not home? He could just be ignoring the knock,” Connor pointed out, hoping he was wrong. It wouldn’t surprise Connor in the least if Jonathan saw him at the door and ignored him while Murphy was somewhere inside, oblivious to his brother’s presence.

“No, he’s definitely gone. He drives by his boyfriend’s house the same time every day to check on him.”

Jonathan has a boyfriend? Since when? Unless this man was talking about Murphy, which was pretty fucking likely. It would be just like that fucking psycho to drive by their house as well, just to try to see his brother. After all, this was the same nut job who followed Murphy after molesting him in the pub.

“His boyfriend? You mean _Murphy?”_

The man’s face broke into a wide smile and he quickly nodded, eager to talk about the boy who caught the attention of Jonathan’s neighbors. “You’ve met him. He’s quite the hot young thing, isn’t he?”

Connor felt his hackles rise and his defensive attitude fire up; he didn’t like how this man described his brother. Yes, Murphy was young. Yes, Murphy was fucking hot. But Murphy wasn’t a _thing_ to be objectified…..Murphy was a person, he was Connor’s boyfriend and the love of his life.

“Jonathan says he’s quite shy as well, which I think he rather likes. Young and trainable, I suppose.”

This man was talking to him like he was older than his 18 years, Connor’s confidence and swagger giving him the slight edge. Connor considered this an asset, especially when he visited a pub. While Murphy rarely got served, Connor always did…..which irritated Murphy to no fucking end. But Connor wasn’t in a pub trying to score a beer, he was a man trying to find his boyfriend.

“Young and trainable? What the fuck does that mean?” Connor spit out, his tone peppered with anger and irritation, his eyes narrowing slightly. He really didn’t like this man one bit.....as far as Connor was concerned, he was just a step above Jonathan in the scumbag department.

The man started to look uncomfortable and Connor really couldn’t blame him. When it came to his Murph, Connor could be quite intimidating. The man wiped at his brow and fumbled with his words, trying to back peddle from his earlier statement. “Sorry…..bad choice of words. I shouldn’t have said anything. I haven’t even met the lad yet.”

Connor loudly scoffed. Despite his denial, this man meant every offensive word he said. “Murphy isn’t _‘trainable,’_ despite whatever bullshit Jonathan tells you. You’d know that if you ever met him. And just so you know…..they’re not even together anymore.”

“Really? Well then tomorrow evening should be quite interesting.”

Now Connor was confused. What the fuck was this guy talking about? He had expected him to back off and leave but instead he stood his ground, practically laughing as he explained in a somewhat condescending way. “Jonathan wants everyone to see the hot boy he’s fucking so he’s having a party tomorrow night to show Murphy off.....his words, not mine.”

“They’re not fucking,” Connor hissed, immediately defending his boyfriend’s honor and instinctively straightening his spine so as to stand a bit taller. And show Murphy off? What the fuck is that? The muscles in his jaw twitched as he felt a wave of jealousy spark back to life, jealousy he thought he had buried and did away with. But now all Connor could picture was his boyfriend in Jonathan’s arms, his lover passionately kissing that fucker, his Murphy being touched….. _there._

Connor hated feeling this way; jealousy was such an ugly emotion. He knew Murphy never fucked that creep, all they did was kiss a lot and fool around a little. Jonathan was nothing but a fucking liar. A delusional, obsessed, fucking liar.

“They’re not fucking,” Connor slowly reiterated, his words calmer but still filled with emotion. Even though he knew what Jonathan said wasn’t true, thinking about it still hurt and he felt tears threatening.

“I wouldn’t be so sure. Jonathan gets whatever he wants.”

“Well he can’t have Murphy,” Connor stated that fact with conviction. Jonathan would have Murphy over his dead fucking body.

The man shrugged and turned toward his apartment, mumbling quietly over his shoulder. “I guess we’ll find out tomorrow night. At the party.”

As he watched the man walk away, Connor shook his head at himself and laughed out loud, wiping away the moisture that had formed in his eyes. What a fucking idiot he was. He just fell for the same fucking bullshit he warned Murphy about. He listened to lies and innuendos from a person who just wanted to fuck with his head. Connor let himself and his emotions be manipulated for no good fucking reason and he let jealousy take hold when it had no place in their relationship.

Murphy wasn’t here…..he was _never_ here, not for one second.

It finally made sense to Connor; he finally understood why he came here looking for Murphy. Connor had been just as insecure over Jonathan as Murphy had been over Katie. He’d been terrified of losing the man he was in love with and as a result, he panicked. Just like Murph did.

But enough was enough. Connor needed to quit beating himself up and find a way to fix what he had so royally fucked up. It was time to man up and take care of shit.

Connor took a deep breath and calmed himself, his focus once again where it should be. On the one person in this world who mattered. On the person Connor was in love with. On the most amazing man he’d ever known. His Murph.

In less than a second he knew…..the creek…..Murphy was at the creek. Connor knew this with the same certainty as he knew the sun rose in the east and set in the west. He took off in a sprint toward the other side of town, toward the creek nestled in the woods, toward where he knew Murphy awaited.

But what Connor didn’t know was, his love was not alone. Right now, Murphy was slowly backing away from the smiling man who considered him his possession. Right now, Connor’s love was telling Jonathan to fuck off and leave him alone.

Right now…..Murphy was scared.


	48. Found

“What part of fuck off don’t you understand?”

The best defense is a strong offense, at least that’s what Murphy remembered hearing somewhere and he tended to agree with it. Usually it worked, too…..especially when coupled with the death glare he currently had on his face. Most people backed down. But Jonathan wasn’t most people and the man wasn’t easily intimidated, not even by the glare Connor said could scare Satan himself.

“Calm down, Murphy. Just take it easy,” Jonathan said as gently as he could, treading lightly while fighting the urge to reach out and touch the wild-eyed boy in front of him. Murphy recognized the tone in Jonathan’s voice from when they were dating; it appeared whenever Murphy was too stubborn to suit his ex-boyfriend or didn’t immediately relent to his will. It was a tone meant to soothe and persuade, to calm and coax…..to manipulate. Jonathan used that tone often when they were together, so often in fact that it was more common than not. “I just want to talk, that’s all.”

_Talk?_ Murphy didn’t want to talk; he didn’t want to even _look_ at Jonathan. It made him uncomfortable to breathe the same air, let alone talk to the man. Besides, what the fuck did they have to talk about? They were no longer a couple and they certainly weren’t friends. Rehashing their breakup was stupid and pointless…..Murphy would _never_ take Jonathan back, not ever. Murphy was in love with Connor, not Jonathan, and that wasn’t about to change.

“I have nothing to say to you, Jonathan. Except maybe to tell you to fuck off again.” Murphy took a couple steps toward his ex-boyfriend in a useless attempt to appear bold and forceful, the whiskey in his system giving him the courage he needed even though he was scared shitless. He stopped just in front of Jonathan and forced himself to keep his eyes steady as he tried to stare the man down.

But Jonathan held his ground; he didn’t move as Murphy advanced…..in fact, Jonathan barely blinked as his eyes studied the younger man with an unwavering gaze. Murphy was close enough for Jonathan to smell the whiskey on his breath and as Murphy shifted on his feet with the nervous energy he couldn’t contain, Jonathan noticed the slight sway in his stance.

“What happened to that sexy shy guy who used to blush every time he said hi to me? I kind of miss him,” Jonathan said with a melancholy edge to his voice, as if he were talking about someone other than the person glaring at him.

“Why are you here? Just fucking leave,” Murphy spat in disgust at Jonathan’s pathetic attempts to entice him into conversation, ignoring the comment about his bashfulness. He motioned with the bottle toward the dirt path that cut through the trees, wanting Jonathan to leave but knowing he wouldn’t.

“Not until we talk.” Jonathan’s words held an air of authority which matched his commanding presence, his voice no longer the gentle teasing of a moment ago but the sound of an unyielding man who expected obedience.

“Just fuck off, Jonathan,” Murphy mumbled with a shake of his head as he took a couple instinctive steps backward, suddenly wanting distance from the man who had yet to move a muscle since greeting him moments ago. But it was that lack of movement in particular that made Murphy nervous…..not like the nervous excitement he felt when they first met but a nervousness born from knowledge of what this man was capable of.

Jonathan was solid muscle, which Murphy knew all too well from their make-out sessions, and Jonathan used his strength to his advantage, sometimes becoming a bit forceful and rough. He remembered how easily Jonathan swung him around that time he thought Murphy stood him up and how he carried Murphy throughout his apartment like he weighed nothing at all. Being manhandled was somewhat routine during their relationship, especially when Jonathan wanted to exert his power and control.

Murphy got the better of Jonathan only once…..when he’d been in a blind rage after being groped in the pub. Murphy had the element of surprise on his side that day and an uncontrollable vengeance that was directed not only at Jonathan, but at the memory of Father O’Shea. If not for that perfect storm of emotional trauma coupled with traumatic memory, Murphy would have been no match for the larger man. He would have been easily manhandled once again.

“I can’t believe you won’t even talk to me. That really hurts, Murphy. I never expected you to be so cold and unforgiving. You weren’t like that at all when we were dating.” 

Murphy scoffed loudly, not falling for the fake hurt look that was plastered on Jonathan’s face or the even faker sound in his voice. The man had ice in his veins and there was no fucking way Murphy hurt his feelings…..Jonathan was just being a martyr. “You’re so full of shit, Jonathan. Did you really think I’d say all is forgiven? After what you fucking did?”

Jonathan paused to consider Murphy’s words, thinking back to all that happened between them in such a short span of time. It was true Jonathan had a lot to make up for, most notably for accosting Murphy in the pub, but he was certain his current would soon forgive and forget…..Murphy was just being his usual stubborn self. Jonathan inhaled slowly as he excused his own behavior in his mind, justifying what he did as acceptable. After all, Murphy was his.

“I didn’t expect you to welcome me with open arms but I thought you’d at least be decent to me.”

Murphy shook his head once again, this time in disbelief. Jonathan was fucking delusional. “The fact that I’m not throwing you in the creek right now is me being decent to you. Fucking asshole.”

Jonathan wasn’t rattled by Murphy’s aggressive manner or his heated curses. On the contrary, Jonathan’s face held amusement, his mouth a smirk, his eyes the budding pleasure of a man playing a dangerous game with an unwilling participant.

The more Murphy fidgeted in place, the more Jonathan knew he had the upper hand. The more Murphy tried to act sober, the more Jonathan knew just how inebriated he was. And the more Murphy tried to appear in control, the more Jonathan knew he wasn’t.

“Well then I thank you for showing restraint,” Jonathan quietly stated, trying to bait the younger man once again. “Especially considering you beat the shit out of me the last time we were together.”

Jonathan waited for Murphy’s eyes to soften with concern and regret, he waited for Murphy to look down with shame and when he did, Jonathan instantly added, “I was hurt pretty badly, Murphy. I probably should have gone to the hospital but I didn’t want you to be arrested. So I was discreet.”

His words had the desired effect Jonathan intended; they created an emotional response that was evident on Murphy’s face as he ducked his head further and allowed his hair to cover his eyes in an attempt to hide from Jonathan’s piercing gaze. Murphy always was an easy touch and Jonathan had no qualms about manipulating Murphy’s emotions and stoking the fire of guilt.

Murphy practically flinched at the word _‘discreet,’_ remembering how Jonathan promised to be discreet when they first met. Surprisingly, Jonathan remained true to his word. If he’d gone to the hospital, not only would Murphy have been arrested, everyone would have found out he was gay. He glanced at Jonathan in shock, the blaze of anger gone from his eyes with this realization…..he couldn’t believe Jonathan protected his secret.

“I know you were angry at me for what I did in the pub. And I know you were with someone new,” Jonathan began as he tried to keep Murphy’s emotions in turmoil, he tried to keep him off balance.

“His name is Connor,” Murphy firmly said, not letting down his guard. His anger may have dissipated but it would easily spark back to life if Jonathan said one disparaging word about Connor. Jonathan could say whatever he wanted about Murphy…..anything at all. But Connor was off limits.

“Connor. You were with Connor.” Jonathan hated saying that name but sometimes concessions were necessary to get what he wanted. “But Murphy…..you never even checked on me. Not once. That hurt far worse than all those bruises you gave me.”

Murphy turned away from Jonathan and he took a hesitant step toward the creek, his mind thinking back to that day. Jonathan was right, Murphy didn’t check on him. In fact, it never even crossed his mind to do so.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I didn’t come see you. I should have,” Murphy whispered his contrition, his words barely audible. Jonathan was Murphy’s first boyfriend, he was the first man to kiss him with tenderness and he helped Murphy accept his sexuality. Murphy felt terrible for his lack of empathy…..he was the one who beat Jonathan so severely yet he never even picked up a phone to check on the man he once dated.

Jonathan moved to stand next to Murphy, the silence between them louder than the bubbling stream. He wasn’t about to point out that he actually got what he deserved, considering how he practically mauled Murphy in front of his mother and then stalked him afterward. No…..he’d never point that out. Instead, Jonathan let the silence take hold and he let Murphy feel the weight of his unwarranted guilt.

As the minutes ticked by, the silence became awkward and Murphy wished Jonathan would just leave. Murphy needed to be alone, he was close to losing it again and he chewed on his lip in an attempt to distract himself from thoughts of the man across town…..the man he was in love with.

“I forgive you.”

“What?” Murphy turned to look at Jonathan, not sure what was even said. His mind had drifted to thoughts of Connor and he forgot Jonathan was next to him. When Murphy thought about his love, everyone else ceased to exist.

“I think the whiskey is affecting your hearing. I said I forgive you, Murphy.”

“Oh. Thanks.” Murphy nodded as he looked away, although he really didn’t give a shit if Jonathan forgave him or not. All Murphy cared about was Connor. All he thought about was Connor. All he wanted was Connor. He wondered what his brother was doing this very minute. Was he trying to find him? Or was Connor glad he was gone? It didn’t matter either way, not really. They were now ex’s, they were no longer lovers and they were back to being just the MacManus twins once again…..their beautiful love affair was over. Murphy was alone once again.

God, it fucking hurt so bad.

Murphy quickly wiped at his eyes before taking a long pull from his bottle, the amber liquid burning his throat as he tried to further drown his pain. He couldn’t stop his eyes from filling with tears every time he thought about how much he loved Connor and how his twin no longer wanted him. Murphy was never happier than when he was Connor’s boyfriend…..and now that it was over, Murphy would never be happy again.

“I know those tears aren’t because of me. Connor broke up with you, didn’t he?”

With those words, the pain Murphy foolishly tried to numb with alcohol suddenly became unavoidable and overwhelming. With those words, Murphy’s heart shattered into a million tiny pieces and he crumbled to his knees.

With those words…..Murphy broke.

 

********

 

Connor couldn’t run anymore…..he was fucking dying and he was only halfway to his destination.

His legs felt like wet noodles, his lungs were on fire and his body screamed for relief. He couldn’t go on, he had to stop…..but only for a minute. He paused at old man Nicholson’s house and drank from his hose, thankful for the cool water that seemed to not only refresh his body but his spirit as well. He alternated between drinking and letting the water run over his head and down his back, sighing in relief as his overheated body began to cool to a more reasonable temperature.

As he turned off the spigot, he heard the squeak of the porch door and the low rattle of the old man’s voice calling to him. Normally, Connor would be polite and stop for a brief conversation. Normally, he’d offer to help out with some chores. Normally…..Murphy would be with him.

But Connor was alone, which was not only unusual in every sense but completely troublesome, given the mindset of his brother. It killed Connor to think of his brother crying over him and believing they’d broken up when that was the last thing Connor wanted. He wanted to be with Murphy forever, not just as brothers but as partners and lovers. Every kiss belonged to Murph, every smile was his and every ounce of love in Connor’s heart was for Murphy alone. Connor knew what love was…..it was Murph.

_Murph….._

Connor’s beautiful, sensitive soul mate and his reason for living. He wouldn’t trade Murphy for anyone. Even on days when Murph was acting like a shit, he was still the best thing in Connor’s life.

He couldn’t afford any distraction or any further delay, not when he was without the love of his life. Even though Murphy still had his wall solidly in place, Connor instinctively knew he was at the creek, probably suffering from unnecessary heartache caused by a stupid fucking misunderstanding. A misunderstanding Connor would rectify once he found his better half.

He gave a quick wave to Mr. Nicholson as he took off in a run once again, not really caring if he came across as rude. All he cared about was getting to the creek as fast as he could. All Connor cared about was finding his Murph.

 

********

 

Jonathan squatted next to his sobbing ex-boyfriend, his concern for Murphy’s well-being overshadowed by the jealousy that ran rampant through his body. Murphy should be crying over _him,_ not the brother that came between them. He should be begging Jonathan to take him back, promising all kinds of things to make it up to him…..things of Jonathan’s choosing. But instead, Murphy was crying his eyes out over a relationship that never should have happened in the first place.

“I told you Connor would eventually come to his senses but you just wouldn’t listen. I knew he’d break your heart, Murphy.”

Jonathan dipped his head in an attempt to catch Murphy’s eyes but they remained hidden beneath the thick auburn hair that was in desperate need of a trim. “He’s your brother…..did you honestly think you had any sort of future with him?”

Murphy wiped at his eyes as he struggled to control his emotions, his breath in short hiccups that shook his body. He felt the need to defend his relationship and stand up for their love but how could he explain what he and Connor had? No one could ever understand how incredible they were together, how there was no other love like theirs and how they were _meant_ for each other, in every way. Their love was special and unique; it was something only he and Connor understood, something only he and Connor shared. It was a love for the ages.

“You don’t understand.”

“You’re right, I don’t. So explain it to me, Murphy. Come on…..I’m waiting.” Jonathan paused for dramatic effect, enjoying every second of this cat and mouse game. When Murphy didn’t respond to his goading, when he only sniffed and shook his head, Jonathan lowered his voice and continued. “Tell me how much Connor _loves_ you and how good he treats you because I just don’t see it. He fucking dumped you and you’re crying over him instead of realizing it’s the best thing that ever happened to you.”

Those words caused Murphy to lift his head and stare incredulously at the condescending man in front of him, not caring that his face was covered with tears. Jonathan was wrong. Connor dumping him wasn’t the best thing that ever happened to Murphy…..it was the absolute worst. Murphy never knew he could love someone the way he loved Connor, he never knew how deep his feelings could be or how alive he was until Connor kissed him. And now that Murphy was without him, now that the warmth of Connor’s love was withdrawn, Murphy knew what true pain was. And he was rendered helpless.

But maybe…..maybe their breakup was the best thing for _Connor._ Maybe his brother would be better off with someone else…..someone who wasn’t so damaged and broken, someone who could say _“I love you”_ like his twin needed to hear. Connor deserved a partner who wasn’t an emotional invalid. All Murphy wanted was for his brother to be happy, truly happy. He’d do anything to make Connor happy…..even give him up, if that’s what Connor wanted.

But how do you give up the only person you’ve ever loved? How do you say goodbye to the one person you’d die for? How do you let go of the man you’ve been in love with since….since…..since _forever?_ How?

Murphy stared off into space as his mind was consumed with thoughts of Connor and he slowly lifted the bottle to his lips, pausing for only a second before taking a large swallow. He wasn’t used to drinking hard liquor, up until now he and Connor drank mostly beer and Murphy felt its undeniable effect take hold.

The whiskey made him dizzy and he couldn’t think straight, which he guessed was the fucking point, but the pain…..the pain in his heart was still there. He didn’t stop the pain by drinking, he merely dulled it a tiny bit…..hardly anything at all, if truth be told. And once the alcohol wore off, once he was sober again, he knew the pain would clutch his heart in a vice like grip and never let go. He couldn’t run from the pain he carried in his heart…..it would be with him forever.

“Murphy.”

Jonathan’s voice seemed so far away and when Murphy looked at him, he almost seemed to move in blurry slow motion. Jonathan maneuvered his body to sit on the ground directly in front of Murphy and he reached for the bottle, gently taking it away with a smile of understanding.

“You’re drunk,” Jonathan said with a chuckle of amusement before raising the bottle to his mouth. He curled his lips around the opening and as he took a couple large sips, his eyes remained glued to Murphy’s face. After he had his fill, he placed the bottle on the ground to his left side, just out of Murphy’s reach. “As sexy as you are when you’re drunk, I think you’ve had enough.”

Murphy really didn’t want any more whiskey, he was pretty sure he’d barf if he drank any more but he didn’t want Jonathan telling him what to do either. That bottle was Murphy’s…..well, actually it was his mother’s that he swiped after Connor dumped him but regardless, Jonathan had no right to it. He thought about taking back the bottle but he knew he was no match for Jonathan, especially in his current condition.

“You’re not my fucking Da, Jonathan.”

“No, I’m not your fucking Da. I’m your fucking current, even though you seem to have forgotten that.”

“Connor’s my current,” Murphy interjected with pride as his heart swelled. Connor was his one and only, his true love, his _everything_ and Murphy would tell the whole world if only he could.

Jonathan’s laughter echoed in the gorge, his voice holding a touch of cruelty as he said the words Murphy wanted to forget. “I’m sorry…..didn’t he dump you?”

Murphy bit his lip as his jaw clenched, the muscles in his face twitching slightly as those words of truth rang in his ears. He wanted to avoid it but he couldn’t, not with Jonathan throwing it in his face. Connor wasn’t his current, not anymore. He wasn’t his future either, not like Murphy wanted anyway. Connor was his past…..he was the beautiful memory Murphy would carry forever. Connor was the dream that became a reality only to be relegated back to wishful fantasy. But even with all the crushing pain Murphy felt, even with all the pain he knew was yet to come, he’d never take back a single moment of their time together. And he’d never regret it either.

“You’re a fucking prick,” Murphy whispered with a slur once he regained control of his emotions, his eyes giving away the depth of his anger and disgust.

“You don’t mean that. You’ve had too much to drink and you’re just upset right now,” Jonathan whispered back as he leaned forward and reached for Murphy’s face in an attempt to wipe away his tears.

Murphy clumsily moved away from the reaching hand and he attempted to stand but his head was spinning and he was far too intoxicated to succeed. Jonathan grasped his arm and easily pulled him back to the ground, depositing Murphy on the grass a mere inch from his original position.

“Let me go, Jonathan.” Murphy pulled at the bruising grip Jonathan had on his bicep, the fingers hot on his flesh as they shifted position in an attempt to keep Murphy still as he struggled.

“Not until you calm down.” Then he shook Murphy slightly to make his point and Murphy instantly stilled, not because he wanted to but because he saw no other option. Murphy quickly looked around at his surroundings. They were completely alone in a secluded area.....no one knew where he was and he was drunk off his ass. And one thing he knew about his ex-boyfriend, one indisputable fact…..Jonathan wouldn’t stop until he got what he wanted. Even if it meant manhandling Murphy again.

“That’s better,” Jonathan said as his fingers again shifted on Murphy’s skin, pleased he was still able to get Murphy to relent so easily.

Murphy waited impatiently for whatever bullshit Jonathan had to say and he relaxed only slightly when the grip on his arm lessened. As soon as Jonathan released him, he’d get as far away from him as he could.

“It’s difficult to see you crying over someone else, Murphy. It’s very painful, especially because you originally chose me over Connor. I told you a long time ago that I get a little crazy jealous sometimes.”

Murphy remembered that conversation and at the time, he dismissed the man’s confession as nothing more than a compliment or an insecurity Jonathan had. How wrong he had been. “You’re not crazy jealous, Jonathan. You’re just crazy.”

“Crazy about you.”

Jonathan squeezed his bicep before sliding his fingers up Murphy’s arm and stopping at his bare shoulder, his thumb firmly massaging the pale skin in large circles.

“I still want you, Murphy. All you have to do is say you’re sorry and I’ll take you back, no questions asked. You can even stay with me at my place if you don’t want to go back home. I’ll take good care of you…..better than Connor ever could.”

Murphy almost laughed out loud…..no one could take better care of him than Connor. And he wouldn’t want anyone else to even try.

“Jonathan…..just stop.”

“Take a chance, Murphy…..like you did when you first went out with me. We can start all over and it’ll be better than before. I can make you happy…..you just have to let me be your current again.” Jonathan continued to argue and cajole as he felt Murphy slip through his fingers, his voice pleading and desperate sounding. “I promise I can make you forget all about Connor.”

Murphy didn’t want to hurt Jonathan again but with the man touching him and practically drooling on him, he had no alternative. He had to be blunt. “I don’t want you. I’ll _never_ want you. It’s over, Jonathan. I’m in love with Connor.”

 

********

 

It wasn’t much further…..just another mile or so and Connor would be there. It felt like he was running forever, probably because Murphy was at the end of this journey and he couldn’t wait to see his face. Connor picked up his pace, his legs pumping even harder and he wasn’t about to stop…..not until his brother was back in his arms where he fucking belonged.

He had a funny feeling for the past ten minutes, almost a sense of foreboding or dread that he tried to write off as part of his overprotective nature. Murphy was fine…..his brother was just upset because he believed Connor broke up with him and that’s what Connor was picking up on. What else could it be?

Connor rounded the bend and he skidded to a stop as his eyes focused a half mile up the road and settled on what he instantly knew had caused that terrible feeling in his gut and that chill in his spine. Jonathan’s flashy sports car was unmistakable and it was parked right where the path to the creek began.

Murphy wasn’t alone…..Jonathan was with him.

 

********

 

Before he knew what happened, Murphy was on his back with Jonathan on top of him, the larger man easily maneuvering him into this uncompromising position after a brief struggle. Murphy bucked and he tried to squirm free from the weight pressing him into the grass but the alcohol caused his movements to be uncoordinated and try as he might, he couldn’t budge Jonathan.

“Get the fuck off me!” Murphy felt panic begin to form and quickly bubble to the surface as he continued to struggle beneath his ex-boyfriend, his face starting to throb where Jonathan hit him.

It happened so fast. One moment Murphy was telling Jonathan he was in love with Connor and the next, Jonathan was begging for a kiss. It was when Murphy flat out said no, when he tried to be kind and explain he would never kiss anyone but Connor, that’s when Jonathan hit him.

“Don’t make me hit you again, Murphy,” Jonathan warned, using his size and strength to his advantage and pinning Murphy’s hands next to his head. “Quit being so stubborn.”

Jonathan leaned harder into him, their bodies pressed together and Murphy felt the distinct pressure of Jonathan’s dick on his thigh. Murphy scrunched his face as he turned his head as far to the side as he could, the smell of grass and dirt filling his nose. In the blink of an eye, Murphy relived every nightmarish encounter from years gone by, each unwanted touch and every horrific moment as a screaming 16 year old. He couldn’t live through that again, he just couldn’t. It would kill him this time.

“Please don’t do this to me, Jonathan. Please.” His moan was a quiet whine, a soft plea, a desperate begging as tears ran from the corners of his eyes and quickly wet his hair. He had no strength left after the emotions of the day and the fight was gone from his body, his only response a continuous looping _“no.”_

Jonathan froze in shock as he watched Murphy relive something terrible from his past and he lifted some of his weight off of him, relieving the pressure somewhat. Jonathan was a lot of things…..a jealous prick, an obsessive jerk and a complete narcissist. But he wasn’t a rapist.

“Murphy, it’s okay,” Jonathan gently said, realizing how out of control he had become. He had been furious when Murphy told him he was in love with his brother and that jealousy caused Jonathan to lash out. But he still cared deeply about the boy crying beneath him, he still considered Murphy his current…..even though his current was now scared of him. He didn’t even know why he had Murphy pinned to the ground like this, other than to force him to listen to reason and take him back.

“I’m not a rapist, Murphy. Just calm down…..I’m not going to hurt you like that.”

Murphy never heard his words, however. He was too panicked and lost in his past trauma, the whiskey enflaming the situation into a figurative Molotov cocktail of emotion. Just as his panic reached a crescendo, just when Murphy began to hyperventilate and practically convulse with terror, that’s when Connor broke through the trees.

 

********

 

It was one of the worst things Connor had ever seen in his life.

His Murph…..his baby brother, his best friend and the man Connor was in love with was being held down while he pleaded for release and begged not to be touched. Murphy’s head rolled rapidly from side to side as Jonathan tried to calm his crying captive, mumbling something neither twin heard.

As if sensing his presence, Murphy opened his eyes and locked on to his brother. Time screeched to a stop in that moment as their matching blue eyes conveyed not only their undying love but their desperate need for the other.

_“Murph…..”_ Connor whispered in a soft exhale of emotion, his heart hearing his brother’s silent scream from across the glen.

It was as if there was no sound in the world except Connor’s voice whispering his name; that’s all Murphy ever heard…..his Connor. He watched his brother run toward him through bleary eyes clouded with tears and suddenly the pressure of Jonathan’s body was gone, suddenly he was free.

Murphy’s eyes tried to find Connor through his haze but it was like chasing a ghost; Connor was never quite where Murphy thought he was. But even though he couldn’t see Connor, he could hear him. He listened to Connor curse and threaten, he heard his brother promise to kill Jonathan if he touched Murphy again…..and he caught the sound of emotion in his twin’s voice when Connor took him in his arms and asked if he was okay.

Connor brushed away his own tears and he kissed Murphy’s cheeks when Murphy nodded in response, the relief in Connor’s body palpable. He had to get his boyfriend out of here right the fuck now, he had to get him home…..where it was safe.

“Come on,” Connor said in his best take charge voice as he lifted Murphy to his feet, knowing instantly just how drunk his baby brother was. Murph could barely stand and it would be hell to get him home but as usual, Connor had a plan.

“Get on my back, Murph. Like when we were kids.”

“Need my shirt, Conn.” Murphy pulled away from his brother and he staggered toward where his shirt was lying on the ground, falling to his knees when he bent to pick it up. “Fuck.”

Connor knelt next to him and it was a struggle, but they finally got the shirt on Murphy’s body and once again, he lifted Murphy to his feet.

“I can walk. I’m not a baby, you know.” Murphy pulled away and almost fell for a second time, only Connor grabbing his arm in a steady grip stopped him from toppling over.

Connor sighed…..even drunk, his brother was stubborn and head-strong. It was obvious Murphy wouldn’t make it ten steps without falling and Connor had to find a way to make him give in. Force wouldn’t work…..Murphy would fight him. Reason wouldn’t work…..Murphy was too drunk. Threats were a possibility…..but Connor didn’t want to go there. No, it had to be emotion. That’s what always worked on Murphy. Pure emotion.

“Murph…..please. If you love me, you’ll let me carry you home.”

Connor saw a wave of emotion cross Murphy’s face and then a slight smile. It worked.

“Piggy back ride, Connor?”

“Best in town. Hop on.”

Connor carried his twin on his back the entire way home, each step a labor of love. He listened to Murphy mumble in his ear how sorry he was and how he just wanted Connor to be happy. He felt the clutch of Murphy’s hands on his chest and the tightness of the legs around his waist, almost as if Murphy was afraid to relax his hold. And Connor felt the wetness of Murphy’s tears on his neck when he told Murphy over and over and over how deeply in love he was and that he misunderstood, Connor didn’t want to break up…..not ever.

When they reached home, Connor swore softly at the unexpected circumstance. Their ma was home. And if she saw Murphy’s condition, if she saw her youngest twin drunk and crying, she’d most certainly demand answers. And Connor just couldn’t deal with her right now.

He took Murphy to the barn and lowered him gently into the same hay they’d first made love on. Murphy gazed up at him, his eyes watching closely and when Connor turned his back and took a few steps away, Murphy loudly called out to him.

“Don’t leave me, Connor.”

The desperate sound of Murphy’s voice fucking killed Connor. One thing he’d never do is leave his Murph. He closed the gap and knelt, cupping the face he loved in his hand. “I’m not leaving you, I was just going to sneak into our room and get a blanket. Ma’s home, Murph. We have to hide out here for awhile and the sun’s going down. I don’t want you cold.”

“You’ll keep me warm. Don’t leave, Conn.”

Even drunk, Murphy’s soft voice could easily make Connor do his bidding. Connor lightly stroked the prominent cheekbone of his brother, noting the bruise that was forming. “All right, Murph. We’ll keep each other warm.”

Connor sat and toed off his shoes, kicking them to the side and out of their way. Murphy tried to follow suit but his feet weren’t working and Connor ended up taking hold of his ankles and pulling his shoes off for him. Murphy curled into his brother’s body as Connor wrapped him in the safety of his strong arms and pulled him close as he kissed the top of Murphy’s head.

“Conn…..I really am sorry I ran away. Are you mad?”

Murphy was still slurring his words and Connor knew this wasn’t the time for a deep conversation; tomorrow would be better. The best thing for his lover now was sleep.

“No, I’m not mad,” Connor honestly answered. “But just don’t do that shit again, okay?”

Connor felt the nod of Murphy’s head against his body as he softly sighed in relief and Connor wished he wasn’t wearing a shirt; he loved the feeling of his twin’s hot breath on his chest. He knew Murphy was struggling to stay alert and focused even though the alcohol in his body was slowly claiming him.

“Murph…..you never did tell me your dream. And I’d really like to hear about it.”

Murphy began to speak softly, telling Connor every detail he could remember as his brother listened closely and stroked his hair in encouragement. They closed their eyes at the same time as they envisioned everything Murphy described, every detail sharp and precise. They smiled in unison when Murphy told Connor how happy they were in America…..because they were together and in love. And when Murphy’s voice began to falter, when his words finally stalled with sleep, Connor held his lover even tighter and thanked God for his Murph.


	49. Kiss and Make Up

“Meet me in the field, Murph.”

Connor whispered those words in Murphy’s ear right after breakfast and just a minute before their ma reminded Murphy it was his turn to clean the kitchen. Murphy knew better than to ask to be excused but he was eager to be alone with Connor…..they needed to talk and Murphy wanted to make up. He glanced at Connor only briefly before swallowing his pride and quietly asking his mother if the chore could wait until later, hoping against hope the scowling woman would relent.

But Annabelle MacManus was a firm woman who rarely excused one of her boys from his appointed task and as expected, she failed to give in. With a wag of her finger in the direction of her youngest son, she told him he wasn’t about to be excused…..he could waste the day away with Connor once his chores were done and not a moment before.

Just as Murphy was about to loudly protest and make matters worse, just as his mouth opened to talk back, Connor grabbed his hand and gently pulled him away from their retreating mother. His impatient boyfriend would surely be grounded if he gave their ma any form of attitude or any type of argument and Connor couldn’t let that happen, not when reconciliation was on the horizon.

Once he had his brother safely out of her line of sight, Connor pecked at his lips and smiled in understanding. He knew his Murph wanted to make up, it was obvious in the way his eyes stared. Truth be told, Connor wanted to make up too…..and just as badly.

Murphy was shocked Connor kissed him with their mother so close and his breath hitched as his heart sped up, Connor’s lips always having that same effect on him. That tiny kiss was more than he ever expected but far less than he wanted and he tugged on Connor’s hand in a silent request for just a little bit more.

Connor was tempted to continue…..holy _fuck_ was he tempted and if their ma wasn’t in the very next room, he’d press Murphy into the wall and kiss him until he begged for mercy. But as much as they both wanted that, as much as they both ached for the other’s touch, they had to wait.

“Later, Murph. When we’re alone, yeah?”

Murphy sighed in resignation, not liking it one bit but knowing his twin was right. He had the saddest expression on his face as he slowly nodded in agreement and lessened his grip on his brother’s hand. One thing Murphy didn’t want to do was wait but there was no other alternative, not with their mother home and watching him like a hawk.

“It’s okay…..just meet me in the field when you’re done,” Connor whispered in encouragement as his hot breath warmed his twin’s face, his voice holding a touch of excitement Connor couldn’t hide and Murphy didn’t miss. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

After a reassuring squeeze of his hand, Connor left his brother and made a beeline for their room. He had to get something before he left, something special…..something for his Murph. As his brother banged around loudly in the kitchen below him, Connor opened the bottom drawer of his dresser and smirked; to the naked eye it looked like a pile of unfolded socks but he knew better. He pushed his hand beneath the socks and his fingers quickly found the smooth object he’d hidden there…..the object he’d been working on for weeks.

He held it in his palm and turned it over, examining both sides with pride as a smile formed on his lips. He had patiently waited for just the right moment, for the perfect time and place, knowing he’d realize it when it arrived.

With the certainty of a man deeply in love, Connor knew today was the day. It was time to give this token to his lover.

Murphy would love it.

 

********

 

“You missed a spot.”

Murphy squinted at the plate he just washed as his mother watched him with critical eyes from the kitchen table. He honestly didn’t know what she was talking about, the “spot” only she could see from across the room and he grumbled in response, “It looks clean to me.”

His mother was being particularly picky this morning, almost as if she were intentionally trying to keep him from Connor by making him do double the work, which took double the time. The counter wasn’t wiped properly, he missed crumbs when he swept the floor and now he wasn’t washing the dishes good enough.

“Wash it again. And do it right this time,” his mother commanded from behind a choking haze of cigarette smoke.

“It was right the _first_ time,” Murphy whispered as he dipped the plate into the suds once again. As he began to rewash the crockery, he could almost hear Connor’s words echoing in his ears….. _“I’ll be waiting for you.”_

By now Connor would be at the field, probably sunning himself on the blanket from his bed while he waited with the patience Murphy would never possess. He still couldn’t believe Connor threw his blanket out their bedroom window and into the yard just so their mother wouldn’t see him leave with it. Murphy bit his lip to prevent himself from laughing…..it was the funniest thing to see that blanket waft past the kitchen window from the second floor.

“What are you and Connor doing today?”

Murphy smiled at that thought…..without a doubt in his mind, he knew _exactly_ what they were going to do today. He and Connor were going to talk things through, forgive and forget, kiss and make up like a couple in love would do. That’s why Connor wanted the blanket, so they could make love on it.

But Murphy couldn’t tell his mother any of that. So instead, he shrugged and tried to sound nonchalant as he turned on the tap and rinsed the plate clean. “Dunno. We haven’t decided yet.”

He expected her to respond in some way, usually she had a snide remark or a derogatory comment of some sort, but there was nothing but silence. He washed a few more dishes before glancing nervously over his shoulder, surprised to see his mother hadn’t left the room like he suspected. Instead, she was watching him with surprisingly soft eyes as she took a final puff on her cigarette and burned it down to the filter.

“Come here, Murphy.” Her voice held a tone Murphy rarely heard and a softness that sounded completely foreign, almost as if she were talking to someone else…..someone other than _him._ If she hadn’t used his name he would have sworn someone else was in the room.

“I’m not done with the dishes yet Ma,” he quietly argued, hoping she’d just leave him be. All he wanted to do was finish the stupid dishes, get the fuck out of the house and find Connor.

“Let ‘em soak.”

She crushed the butt of her cigarette into the ashtray and motioned him over, waiting quietly as he wiped his hands on a towel in an attempt to delay the inevitable. He slowly walked toward his mother and stopped directly in front of her, fully expecting her usual comment about how long his hair was or how he looked like a girl. She stared at him for a moment and he shifted nervously from foot to foot, wondering what she was waiting for.

Her eyes darted to his cheek and her lips thinned as she examined the bruise on his cheekbone. Great…..she was going to lecture him about fighting, just what he fucking needed. She reached up and took him by his chin, turning his head so she could get a better look at her son’s face.

“Did Jonathan do that to you?”

Murphy’s eyes widened at the mention of _that name,_ the name he had hoped to never hear again. She released his chin and he emphatically shook his head ‘no,’ not trusting his voice to remain steady under his mother’s scrutiny. He couldn’t tell her what happened, not one bit of it…..no fucking way.

“You tell me if he did, Murphy. I won’t have that man hitting you, I don’t care how close you are.”

“We’re not close,” Murphy responded without thinking, quickly clearing his throat in an attempt to control the shake in his voice. She looked at him with skepticism; she could always see through his bullshit and he quickly added, “Not anymore, anyway.”

“I thought you liked him. What happened?”

Murphy shrugged, not sure how to explain the situation to her satisfaction without condemning himself at the same time. He had to be careful with his words, he had to be vague while at the same time giving her some sort of answer, lame as it might sound.

“Nothing happened. I just don’t want to be his friend anymore, s’all.”

She took a deep breath and crossed her arms as she sat back in the rickety chair, nodding with pursed lips. “It’s just as well…..he’s too old for you anyway. And I don’t like how jealous he was of your brother. Jealousy is a red flag, Murphy. Do you understand?”

No, he didn’t understand what the fuck she was talking about, not at all. But he wasn’t about to admit that and risk having to listen to a long explanation that would keep him from Connor even longer.

“I spent a lot of time with him at the pub and as much as I liked him at first, I could tell he’s far too controlling and possessive of you. You don’t need someone like that, Murphy.”

It almost sounded like she knew what type of relationship he had with Jonathan, as if she knew they had dated. But there was no way she could know, he’d been so careful, he’d hidden everything so well…..unless Jonathan told her.

A cold chill traveled up his spine at that thought and he didn’t want to even consider that possibility. Jonathan wouldn’t do that to him, no matter how mad he was…..he had promised.

“Ma?” His breathing was heavy with fear and he almost choked on his words but he had to know, if for no other reason than to protect Connor from any fallout or potential repercussions. “What did Jonathan tell you about me?”

They held eyes for what felt like an eternity and when she finally gathered herself and opened her mouth to speak, her answer to his question was a simple statement of fact.

“Nothing I didn’t already know in my heart.”

 

********

 

Excited. That’s the word that best described how Connor felt……fucking excited at the prospect of properly making up with his boyfriend.

They’d had a million fights in their lives, usually over something stupid like Murphy leaving his shit everywhere or Connor breathing too loudly, but those fights had all been as siblings. This latest fight was their first as lovers. And it was completely different.

There was no name calling, no yelled admonishments to stop being a fucking jerk or a dumb prick. There were no punches, no shoves into the wall and no glares of any kind. There wasn’t even anything thrown across the room, like the usual shoe that was hurled as a makeshift weapon.

No…..there was none of that. They were careful with each other as they instinctively protected their relationship. Their love remained steady and strong in the face of anger and pain, not warping in the least or diminishing in the slightest. They made their way through the complexity of a lover’s first argument and found nothing but enduring love and a desire for forgiveness on the other side.

The emotion Connor felt staggered him, it was borderline overwhelming in intensity and like nothing he’d ever experienced. They shared a familiarity that went beyond brotherhood, an intimacy only lovers knew and a profound sense of completion when together. Murphy was the man Connor wanted to grow old with, not just as brothers but as lovers and life partners. Murphy was his soul mate in every way.

God, he fucking loved Murph so much…..he felt like he was on fire whenever they were together.

Connor made his way through the tall grass, intent on waiting for his boyfriend at a particular spot in the field. When he reached his destination, he unfolded the blanket and spread it across the grass, flattening the greenery beneath the soft cotton. There was something special about this place, something magical only the two of them shared that dated back to when they were fourteen.

This was a significant place in their history, a shared moment in time that meant the world to them both. This was the place Connor gave his twin the ceramic heart with Murphy’s name on one side and Connor’s on the other, the piece he lovingly crafted for the person he loved most…..his Murph. He remembered how choked up Murphy got, how his eyes filled with tears and his voice shook with emotion. But what Connor remembered most about that day was the constant look of love on Murphy’s face. It was so obvious to him now…..even back then Murphy was in love with him. He supposed he’d been in love with Murph as well, he just didn’t know it at the time.

As Connor sat on the blanket he thought about that ceramic heart. God, it fucking killed him to remember how upset Murphy was when he broke it and how he cried uncontrollably in his arms. That look of total devastation on his brother’s face wasn’t something Connor would ever forget but something he vowed to never see again.

He remembered the promise he made to himself that day as he tucked those broken pieces into his pocket and wiped his brother’s tear stained face. He remembered the promise he made to God on behalf of his broken hearted twin. And Connor remembered the promise he silently made from his heart to Murphy’s, a promise not spoken out loud but definitely heard.

Today those promises would be fulfilled. Today, in this field, those promises would become reality.

 

********

 

Jesus Christ, she’s not denying it any longer.

For the past two years, Annabelle pretended her youngest son didn’t like boys; she lied to herself and ignored the way he looked at men in magazines or on television. She explained to the neighbors Murphy was merely shy around girls, even going so far as to encourage Connor to set him up on dates with Katie’s friends. She even called Murphy a “late bloomer,” which in essence was true but not in the way she meant.

But now she had her head out of the sand and was no longer denying her son’s sexuality. Truth be told, she always knew her youngest son liked men, she just couldn’t accept it until now.

Murphy felt a nervous churning in his gut, his heart pounding faster with each passing second as his panic increased tenfold with his mother’s admission. He waited for her screaming to start, for the fight to begin anew…..for her to threaten to take him back to Father O’Shea to get “fixed.”

He took a shuddering breath and he braced himself for whatever she had in store for him, determined not to give in to her bullying tactics. She can’t tell him what to do, he’s eighteen and not a little kid anymore. He won’t let her take him back to that priest….. _he won’t._

Murphy felt the need to run, to get the fuck away from his mother and find Connor but her eyes held him in place. She was no longer looking at him with disgust or condemnation, like when he was sixteen and she caught him dick in hand watching gay porn. Her eyes were now filled with something he’d never seen before, something he yearned for his entire life…..a mother’s gentle understanding.

 

********

 

Connor was on his back with his shirt in a tight ball beneath his head, watching the clouds travel across the blue sky as he waited for his lover to arrive. He hated leaving Murphy behind, even if it was just to do his chores, but he knew better than to stay. According to their mother, Connor would have been nothing but a distraction…..which was hysterical considering how true that was.

He lifted his head and looked across the field, hoping to see Murphy making his way through the tall grass but he was still nowhere to be seen. Fucking hell…..what’s taking him so long? Connor stared like an idiot for a few minutes until he finally gave up with a heavy sigh and returned his head to his make-shift pillow.

Connor knew Murphy would be here as soon as he could but the wait was killing him. He should have chanced it and gone for another kiss before he left, one that involved a little tongue. That peck of a kiss this morning did nothing to satisfy his need for Murphy’s mouth.

He closed his eyes and felt himself slowly drifting off to sleep, which was just as well considering how little sleep he got the night before. He’d held Murphy in the hay and watched him sleep for hours, comforting him when he stirred and making sure he was warm. Every minute he was with Murph was time well spent, even if his other half was sleeping.

But now it was Connor’s turn to sleep and he finally drifted from consciousness, trusting that his boyfriend would wake him as soon as he arrived. After all, they had making up to do.

 

********

 

Their conversation was brief and highly uncomfortable. Murphy didn’t know what to do or say, he had no clue how to react to his mother’s words. He’d never heard her apologize before, least of all to _him,_ and all he could do was nod when she asked if he forgave her…..even if he didn’t.

He thought he shut off his feelings a long time ago but his emotions were suddenly all over the place and he felt incredibly angry at her…..and terribly hurt at the same time. Two years had passed since she called him sick and begged him to be “normal” but it might as well have been yesterday for how fresh the pain still felt. Ever since that day, she treated him differently; she was tougher on him, her words were sometimes cutting and he often felt like an outcast in his own home. The sad thing was, she probably didn’t even realize what she did to him.

As he listened to her fumbled explanations, he realized something. _He blamed her_ …..he fucking blamed her for what Father O’Shea did to him. She’s his mother, she’s supposed to protect him and keep him from harm. But instead, she took him to a place that wasn’t safe and left him alone with a man who was evil incarnate cloaked in a shroud of religion. That man did terrible things, unspeakable acts…..heinous things that tarnished Murphy’s childhood and haunted his very existence.

He knew it wasn’t fair to blame her for what happened. She had no idea what that priest did to him in the solitude of the rectory for all those months…..it’s not like Murphy told her. In fact, she _still_ had no idea what happened to him, no one did. He tried to push the blame from his heart but it had lived there too long and its roots were deep. He wanted to purge it from existence but he didn’t know how.

All he knew was, he wouldn’t have survived if not for his brother.

When Murphy’s dreams turned into hellish screams, it was Connor he clung to. His brother held him every time he cried out during the night and it was Connor’s soft words in his ear that chased away the demons that hid in the dark recesses of Murphy’s mind. Connor made him feel safe again. His twin even sat up with him until morning more often than not, all because Murphy was too freaked out to go back to sleep.

Connor held him at night and watched him by day, his protective persona in full bloom as he waited for any inkling Murphy was drifting to a dark place. Connor could pull him away from the place terror lived with nothing more than a gentle touch or a soft whisper in his ear, his presence the only thing Murphy ever really needed.

Connor often asked what scared him but Murphy couldn’t say it out loud, the words got stuck in his throat. They were just too horrible to utter. So instead, he’d shrug his shoulders in response to Connor’s questions and change the subject. Sometimes he’d walk away in an attempt to avoid it all together. And sometimes, when Connor was fed up with the evasion and pushed a little, Murphy picked a fight.

Murphy told his twin a million times to fuck off and leave him alone, but Connor never left. Murphy hit his brother as hard as he could in an attempt to _make_ him leave but Connor never did. Murphy even went so far as to move all his stuff into the barn but Connor followed suit, methodically moving his things to join his brother’s as Murphy watched dumbfounded.

And when he asked Connor through tear filled eyes why he did all that, why he didn’t leave like anyone else would have done, Connor responded without hesitation, “Because I love you, Murph.”

Without a doubt, Connor was his saving grace.

“Did you hear what I said, Murphy?”

No, he hadn’t but it didn’t really matter, he’d heard enough. It was obvious she had no idea about his love affair with Connor, which is all Murphy really cared about. Nothing else mattered except protecting Connor and their love.

She mumbled something about both her and Murphy trying harder, which was fucking funny as hell because all Murphy wanted to do was leave. He didn’t want to listen to any more bullshit or excuses. He didn’t want another apology. He just wanted Connor.

“Can I go now, Ma? Connor’s waiting for me.”

She looked surprised and a little hurt that he suddenly wanted to leave and it crossed Murphy’s mind that she might make him stay. He tried not to appear anxious to get away and his eyes drifted to the floor as he waited for her response, both unable and unwilling to look her in the eye.

His eyes studied the gouge in the floor Connor’s chair made just last week after Murphy climbed on him and toppled them both to the ground. They had stayed on the linoleum for the following hour, kissing and rolling over each other until Connor breathlessly said he couldn’t take anymore. They made love on that very spot…..twice. As strange as it sounded, that gouge kept Murphy distracted from his mother and the drama of the moment. That gouge kept Murphy focused on what truly mattered…..his Connor.

It didn’t take her long to realize her son needed time to digest everything; he wasn’t about to engage any further, that much was obvious. She lit another cigarette and dismissed him with a wave of her hand and a mumble to go find his brother before Connor sent out a search party.

As he walked toward the field where Connor awaited, Murphy felt a plethora of emotion threaten to overtake him. His mother was acting so weird and he honestly didn’t know how to deal with her anymore. He was so fucking mad at her, more than he’d ever been before; she acted like he should instantly get over how she treated him but he wasn’t sure it was possible. Or even if he wanted to try.

All he knew for certain was he wanted to see his boyfriend and make up, everything else was secondary. He wanted to look into Connor’s deep set eyes and forget the world, just like he always did. Murphy wanted to be with his man and feel his heart beat in perfect rhythm with Connor’s as they made love in the hot summer sun.

It took fucking forever but he finally arrived at the field. He was surprised by the wave of sadness he suddenly felt and his steps paused without Murphy even realizing he hesitated. He hadn’t been to the field since he broke the ceramic heart Connor made for him and his own heart was heavy with regret. He wished Connor had picked a different place to meet, this place fucking hurt.

Murphy took a calming breath. Connor picked this place for a reason, Murphy was sure of it. Maybe he wanted to create a new memory here, one that would make them both smile when they talked about it instead of making Murphy cry. That must be it. Connor wanted to make new memories…..happy memories.

He began to move through the tall grass, knowing exactly where Connor would be even though he couldn’t yet see him. God, he was nervous…..it felt like a first date all over again. His hand went to his mouth in an attempt to chew on his thumbnail but there was nothing left for his teeth to grab hold of.

Then he saw his love…..lying in the sun all golden and beautiful with a light glistening of sweat across his bare chest. Murphy’s steps slowed as his eyes drank in the body that kept him up at night…..those well-defined arms, that broad chest and hard abs, that huge fucking bulge. Murphy heard all about make up sex but he never experienced it, not once. He didn’t know if it could be any better than all the other times he was with Connor but if it was…..Jesus, he’d die for sure.

As he stood next to his sleeping brother, Murphy smiled. He knew Connor hovered over him last night like a mama bear; he probably didn’t sleep more than five minutes, knowing Connor. He held Murphy through the night and spent hours petting his hair with gentle fingers, just because it helped Murphy sleep. Connor would have watched him to make sure he was all right and didn’t wake up scared and disoriented. He kept Murphy safe and warm, just like he always does…..because Connor loves him.

Because Connor is _in love_ with him.

Is that even possible? Connor’s been saying those words constantly in an attempt to make Murphy believe him…..but were they just words or was there true emotion involved? After all, there’s a difference between loving someone and being _in love_ with someone.

Murphy stared at Connor’s face as he suddenly realized what he heard through his drunken stupor, the words of love Connor whispered in his ear just last night. Connor told him he’d never been in love before now and he wanted Murphy to know just how deeply he’d fallen. He said no one else could ever live in his heart because Murphy owned it, he always did and he always would. Connor even said he could die happy because he now knew what true love was.

Connor wouldn’t have said all that if he didn’t mean it…..right? He’d been emotional when he spoke, there was love in every whispered word and every gentle touch; love that wasn’t the brotherly kind but the kind meant for lovers…..for soul mates.

Oh my God…..it’s true. Oh my God.

Connor is in love with him.

 

********

 

Connor woke to the softness of Murphy’s lips as a gentle kiss was pressed to his mouth. A whisper in his ear followed that kiss, the hot breath of his brother giving Connor instant shivers of excitement that traveled in record speed across his body and pulled him from his slumber.

“Connor?” Murphy didn’t want to wake Connor but he’d been sleeping for a couple hours and if Murphy let him sleep much longer, Connor would give him hell. Besides, they still had making up to do and Murphy was eager to begin.

There was nothing better than the sound of Murphy whispering his name….. _nothing._ Connor could listen to that voice every second of every day and never get tired of hearing it. It was the voice that made him smile. It was the voice he lived to hear. It was the voice of his one true love.

Most people would probably think he was crazy, but when Murphy said his name, it sounded different. Maybe it was the sound of pure love in his tone or the undercurrent of desire that flavored his speech…..or perhaps it was their sexual chemistry that was close to igniting whenever they were together. Whatever the reason, all Connor knew was…..it just sounded _right._

“Conn?”

There it was again…..that beautiful, silky smooth voice. Connor’s eyes fluttered open and he focused on the face hovering above him, the face of the man he loved. His Murph looked tired but happy as the corners of his mouth lifted slowly into the smile that made Connor’s heart swell and it was obvious by the growing blush across his twin’s pale skin that he’d been watching Connor sleep.

“You watching me, Murph?”

Based upon the smirk on Connor’s face and the lift of his eyebrow, Connor was well aware Murphy had been watching him. But then again, that was nothing new…..Murphy _always_ watched him.

“It’s only fair. You watched me last night. Right?”

Murphy expected Connor’s usual smart ass quip, a quick witted retort with a touch of sarcasm, but every once in a while Connor surprised him. This was one of those times. “I can’t help it. I’m in love with you, Murph.”

Murphy felt himself melt…..he turned into a puddle of mush right then and there as his heart pumped harder in his chest. He could see the love in Connor’s eyes and for the very first time ever, he believed those words when spoken. He fucking believed them.

“I can see that brain of yours working,” Connor said with a slight laugh of amusement, sliding his body closer to his sitting brother so that their legs touched. “It’s okay, I don’t expect you to say it back. You’re not ready yet. I can wait.”

But Murphy _was_ ready to say it back, he really was…..he was just too emotional and choked up to actually speak. All he wanted was to finally say what he’d always felt but his voice had abandoned him in lieu of rapidly developing tears. He silently cursed himself as he blinked away his tears even as he savored the moment deep in his heart.

“You hung over at all?” Connor asked, changing the subject to allow his brother time to regain control, not realizing just how close Murphy was to pouring his heart out.

Murphy sniffed and he took a deep breath as he let the shift of subject take place. “Not really. I felt like shit when I first woke up but it passed. Could have been a lot worse.”

 _“Should_ have been a lot worse,” Connor corrected in the chastising tone he reserved only for his brother. Given all the whiskey Murphy had consumed, Connor expected his twin to have a bitch of a hangover but other than the darkening bruise on his cheekbone, Murphy looked surprisingly fine. “You’re lucky.”

“I know. I’m very lucky.” Murphy quietly responded, smiling when he realized Connor didn’t catch his double entendre. Murphy felt lucky in a million different ways, not having a hangover being very low on that list whilst the person reclining in front of him holding the number one position.

Connor nodded as his eyes reflected a memory he’d rather not have, an experience he wished he could forget and an image that was burned into his mind. Connor was remembering the day they discovered one of their differences…..Connor had a higher tolerance for alcohol.

It was shortly after they turned fifteen and in their infinite wisdom, they decided it was time to get good and drunk for the first time. Murphy called it a bonding experience but Connor thought differently, mainly because he remembered with terrifying clarity how he held Murphy as he repeatedly barfed his guts out and prayed for death. Murphy couldn’t even make it back to his bed that night, he slept on the bathroom floor next to the toilet as Connor kept vigil and tried to make him as comfortable as possible.

Connor pushed the memory from his mind, relieved last night was nothing like that first drunken experience…..he didn’t think he could handle seeing Murphy that sick again and being completely helpless to stop it.

It was far too long since Connor touched his boyfriend and his fingers tingled with the need for skin on skin contact. He reached up and cupped Murphy’s cheek in his hand and his eyes drifted to the dark spot near his thumb that marred the perfection of his brother’s face.

“Before you ask, I’m okay. It’s just a bruise, Conn.”

Connor’s thumb lazily stroked the blemish with a feather light touch, careful not to press on the tender area and cause pain. The bruise had grown overnight and was now twice the size as the day before. Seeing that mark infuriated Connor when he thought about all the things that could have happened if he had arrived just a few minutes later.

“Should be gone by graduation at least,” Connor reported with a slight edge to his voice, silently cursing the fucker who did this to his boyfriend. “That prick did a good job on you. I should have beat his sorry ass.”

“He got the message,” Murphy softly said, confused that his response seemed to irritate Connor for some reason.

Connor lowered his hand and he asked the question he had puzzled over since he first became aware of Jonathan’s presence in Murphy’s life. “What the fuck did you see in that guy, Murph? He’s such a piece of shit.”

Murphy bit his lip and waited, unsure if Connor’s question was rhetorical or if he actually wanted an answer. But Connor stared right back, obviously waiting for him to provide some sort of clarification or reasoning that would explain the biggest mistake in Murphy’s life.

“I’ll make a deal with you Connor,” Murphy began as he glanced down at the blanket, seriously considering the proposition he was about to present before speaking. After a moment his eyes returned to his brother and he continued with as much conviction as he could muster. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know…..good or bad. You can ask whatever you want and I promise I won’t hide anything from you. But once I answer all your questions, I don’t want to talk about him again. Okay?”

He hoped Connor would take him up on his offer. He was tired of talking about his ex and he wanted it over and done with for good. Jonathan was the past…..and that’s where he belonged.

Connor moved into an upright position and he sat facing his brother with their right legs lightly touching, the heat from their bodies traveling through the thickness of their jeans. “I don’t need to know everything, Murph. I just need to know he didn’t hurt you worse than you’re telling me.”

“He didn’t.”

They were both quiet for a number of moments as they spoke only with their eyes…..the love, openness and trust flowing freely between them. Murphy waited for any further questions from his lover but Connor had none. Connor realized he already knew all the important things…..Murphy hadn’t been hurt worse than he let on, he never had sex with that man and Murphy never loved him. That’s really all that mattered.

“Do you have anything you need to tell me about _him,_ Murph?”

Murphy noticed how Connor never used Jonathan’s name…..he usually called him _‘that fucker’_ or some other uncomplimentary description. It was as if he didn’t want to give his ex any kind of value or importance. In deference to his brother, Murphy decided not to utter the name either. But there was one more thing about Jonathan that Murphy had to tell his twin and he nodded in response to his brother’s question.

“Ma knows.”

Connor’s jaw went slack as his face lost all color, his skin morphing from a golden tan to a Murphy-esque shade of pale in a split second. “Holy fuck. She knows? _About us?”_

“Connor, wait.”

Connor instantly began to think of a plan for when she forbade them from being together, which she most certainly would do. He wasn’t about to let that happen, no fucking way…..their love was too important, it was a once in a lifetime love. He’d get Murphy the fuck out of here, that’s what he’d do. They’d run away together; maybe they’d go to America, like in Murphy’s dream.

“Connor, listen.” Murphy realized how his words had inadvertently misled his boyfriend and he quickly shook his head and squeezed his brother’s thigh, drawing Connor’s attention away from his frenzied thoughts. “I meant she knows about me and…..him. That we dated.”

“She doesn’t know about us?”

“No. Just him.”

Connor’s color slowly returned to his face when Murphy assured him he was certain their ma knew nothing of their love affair…..if she knew, her reaction would have been cataclysmic instead of the sedate response Murphy saw. He proceeded to fill Connor in on everything that transpired with their mother, including how Jonathan never actually told her they dated but he said just enough that she figured it out.

Connor listened carefully to every word and he rubbed his brother’s back when Murphy’s voice shook with the pain of a child deeply hurt and confused by the actions of a parent…..the emotions Murphy thought buried long ago now exhumed and overpowering once again.

He wished Murphy would let him say something to their mother about how she treated him. It ate Connor up inside to see his twin suffering like this but every time he set out with confrontation on his mind, Murphy instinctively knew what he was up to and begged him to stop. They both knew from experience it would be worse for Murphy if Connor fought this battle for him; their mother took it out on Murphy if Connor defended him in any way but fuck.....Connor hated doing nothing.

“I’m fine, Conn,” Murphy whispered before Connor could offer any words of comfort or support. “I don’t want to talk about Ma any more, okay? Not here. This is _our_ place…..I want to talk about _us.”_

Connor couldn’t agree more and he filed the subject away for a later date, vowing to revisit it at a more appropriate time. They spent the next twenty minutes talking about their argument and its aftermath, both holding the same regret in their hearts, most notably how deeply they hurt the other. They apologized with the same gusto and emotion and they vowed at the same time to never take the other for granted.

Connor laughed loudly when he realized how he ran away just like his brother did, only not as far as Murphy ran…..Connor only ran to the bathroom. And Murphy laughed just as loudly when Connor jokingly explained he wasn’t _really_ running away, he just had to poop.

Murphy pledged to not run from him again and Connor pledged to find him if he did. Connor carefully avoided the ‘I love you’ part of their argument while Murphy contemplated how best to bring it up. And Connor promised to try not to push so hard and Murphy promised to let him push every once in a while.

Their eyes held passion and urgent need, their fervent desire and hunger almost consuming them. Their soft words held promises to never give up on the other and to always protect their relationship. And their souls…..their souls held deep and forgiving love, a love that endures all things, the kind of love every person dreams of finding.

Connor leaned across Murphy’s body and rested his hand on the other side of his brother’s legs, propping himself up so they were now nose to nose, their breath intermingling in the small space that separated them. Murphy smiled at the nearness of Connor, drawing his smell into his lungs as his brother’s eyes scanned his face.

There wasn’t one thing about Murphy’s face Connor didn’t love, not one. He loved the shape of his nose and the stubble on his chin, he adored the way Murphy’s eyes lit up when he was happy…..and Connor thought it was the sexiest fucking thing the way his mole moved when he chewed on his lip, like it was moving right now.

“What are you thinking about, Connor?”

Connor reached up and pushed Murphy’s hair from his forehead, combing the long strands from his blushing face with his fingers. “You. I’m thinking about you.”

“Yeah? What about me?”

Connor’s mouth twitched as he tried to suppress a smile but it was impossible. He was getting more turned on by the second and Murphy’s mere presence was sending him into overdrive. “I’m thinking how incredible you are and how lucky I am that you chose me out of every other guy on this planet. I’m thinking the way you blush is so fucking cute I can’t stand it. And I’m thinking how fucking sexy you are when you’re biting your lip like you are right now.”

Murphy laughed as his lip slid from between his teeth and he looked down in that bashful way that made Connor want to rip his clothes off. It always astounded Connor how his brother never seemed to realize just how amazing he was.

“Connor?” Murphy’s face turned serious and he slowly lifted his eyes back to his brother’s matching baby blues. That nervous feeling he had from earlier returned with the force of an atom bomb and he reveled in the sensation, enjoying its every nuance. “Is this the part where we kiss and make up because I’m fucking dying right now.”

Connor smiled and nodded in affirmation but before he could do anything else, Murphy took matters in hand. Murphy leaned forward and lightly brushed his lips across Connor’s open mouth, his hot breath softly hitting the back of his brother’s throat. He slowly moved his head just enough to tickle Connor’s mouth before licking gently at his lips with half closed eyes.

“Fucking hell, Murph,” Connor moaned and as he spoke, his lips butted against the tongue trying to taste his mouth. He leaned forward but Murphy leaned back, keeping his mouth just out of reach and making Connor work for his kiss. “Talk about fucking dying. Come on, Murph.”

Despite his apparent eagerness and need, Connor was enjoying this game. He loved when Murphy played like this, it was so fucking hot to be teased in this manner. As Murphy’s tongue tickled his lips again, he lifted his hand to reach for his brother’s hair, wanting to grab a fistful of that softness and pull his brother close.

With a small laugh, Murphy pushed his hand away. “No hands, Connor. Not yet.”

Whatever Murphy wanted to do, Connor would allow…..even if it fucking killed him. He obeyed his younger half and reluctantly returned his hand to the grass but the greenery was no match for what he really wanted to grab.

They leaned forward and back, their tongues licking at each other as they played a fevered game of give and take. The heat of their mouths drew the other closer until Connor couldn’t go another second without the kiss of his love, finally giving up the pretense of restraint. He lurched forward and even though the action was aggressive, the kiss was not.

Murphy didn’t pull back this time, there was no more playing ‘keep away’ with his lips; he leaned into his brother and met his tongue with a gentle sucking as it entered his mouth. The kiss was wet and soft as they tasted the deliciousness of each other and Murphy couldn’t help the soft sighs he made in response. Connor smiled at the sounds, those little moans sent a shockwave of excitement straight to his dick and he felt the distinctive twitch inside his pants.

They kept their hands where they were, focusing only on the parts of their bodies currently touching and Connor deepened the kiss just as Murphy’s emotions started to get the better of him. The love Murphy wanted to share with this man was all encompassing and he felt tears building behind his closed eyes.

Connor shifted his position and Murphy mirrored him, their lips never losing contact. Fucking hell, Murphy was a good kisser….. he put everything into his kiss, every bit of emotion, every bit of desire, every bit of animalistic lust.

“God, Murph,” Connor moaned as he lifted his hand and reached for Murphy’s hair. This time his brother didn’t stop him and Connor pushed his hand into the auburn silk, fisted it and pulled Murphy’s mouth harder against his own. His other hand went to his brother’s face and as his thumb stroked Murphy’s cheek, Connor pulled back in surprise at the wetness he felt.

Murphy was crying…..why was he crying?

“What’s wrong?” The panic and confusion in Connor’s voice was understandable…..after all, Murphy should be happy, not sad. “Murph? What is it?”

Murphy smiled and shook his head as Connor cupped his face in both hands, his thumbs wiping away the tear stains. Connor stared into Murphy’s eyes and he saw something that wasn’t there before. Belief.

“Murphy MacManus…..you believe me, don’t you? You believe me when I say I’m in love with you.” It really wasn’t a question, it was more a statement than anything else. Connor could see Murphy believed him…..he could see it.

Murphy nodded as fresh tears overflowed his eyes and Connor kissed his lips gently before kissing each wet cheek, his smile brighter than Murphy had seen in a long time. His Murphy believed him, he finally believed him.

But Murphy wasn’t done, he had something important to say. His hands clutched at Connor’s forearms and his fingers squeezed painfully into his brother’s flesh. Murphy didn’t need to find courage because he wasn’t afraid anymore. He didn’t need to worry because when he was with Connor, his entire world made sense. And he didn’t need anyone else in his life….. Murphy knew he’d never be alone, not as long as Connor could draw air into his lungs.

What used to seem so difficult to say now seemed easy as fuck. Why had he waited this long?

Murphy’s voice was soft but full of conviction, his words didn’t hesitate or falter in any way and the tremble in his voice wasn’t from fear, it was from deep emotion. “I love you, Connor….with all my heart. As far back as I can remember, I’ve been in love with you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before today, I’m so sorry…..”

Connor hushed his brother’s apology with a sweet kiss to his lips; all Connor ever wanted to hear had just been said. Besides, Murphy had nothing to apologize for…..Connor knew Murphy was in love with him, he just wasn’t ready to say those words before now. “I love you too, Murph. Now tell me again.”

Murphy laughed and with no trepidation he quickly said, “I love you, Connor. I fucking love you so much.”

It was the best feeling _ever_ to finally say those words to the only man he loved, the only man who would ever hold his heart. Murphy wanted to say it a million times, he wanted to scream it to the world and he never wanted to stop.

“I fucking love you too. ‘Bout fucking time though, Murph.”

They laughed as their lips met and Connor held Murphy’s face in his hands as they gently kissed. Murphy pulled back and he quickly took off his shirt, tossing it onto the grass before returning his lips to his brother’s mouth, instantly sliding his tongue between Connor’s lips.

Murphy noticed his brother squirming and he wanted to laugh because he couldn’t figure out what the fuck Connor was doing. They continued to kiss as Connor’s hand left Murphy’s face but he wasn’t reaching for Murphy’s pants to take them off, Connor reached for his own…..which was perfectly fine with Murphy. He certainly wanted Connor naked as soon as possible.

But there was no jangle of Connor’s belt being undone, there was no unzipping of his pants or rustling of his boxers. Fine…..Murphy would take Connor’s pants off himself, if that’s what he wanted. Just as Murphy released his brother’s arm and reached for Connor’s jeans, his brother grasped his wrist and pressed something into his hand.

Connor released his brother from the kiss and he curled Murphy’s fingers around the object in his hand, obscuring it from his questioning gaze. Whatever it was felt warm, it obviously had been in Connor’s pocket….it was small and smooth and fit perfectly in his palm.

“Connor?”

Connor pecked twice at his lips and he kept his hand wrapped tightly around Murphy’s fingers as he softly began to speak. “Murphy. Do you remember that ceramic heart? The one I gave you when we were fourteen?”

A glimmer of pain flickered in Murphy’s eyes as he slowly nodded. “Of course I remember. I’m the fucking idiot who broke it.”

Connor smiled at his own idiocy. What a stupid question, of course Murphy would remember…..that heart had meant the world to him. “I made that heart for the person I loved the most in this world, the one person I’d die for. I made it for my Murph.”

Murphy nodded, his words as soft as his brother’s. “I remember.”

Patience was never something Murphy possessed and he felt like he was dying with anticipation. What had Connor put in his hand? It wouldn’t be a new heart to replace the old one…..nothing could ever take its place. It couldn’t be one of the broken bits…..the edges had been too sharp and whatever was in his hand was smooth.

Murphy glanced around with a feeling of déjà vu, now realizing exactly where they were. This was _the_ spot…..they were sitting in the exact same spot in the field as when they were fourteen and Connor “spoiled” him, ending with the gift of that ceramic heart.

“Connor? What did you do?”

“Open your hand Murph.”

Connor released his fingers and sat back, watching his lover’s face closely for his reaction. He couldn’t wait to see his brother’s expression when he opened his hand and saw that token of love. Connor never wanted to forget how his Murphy looked at that exact moment.

Murphy looked down at his closed fist, suddenly scared to see what was in his hand. He stared at his fingers for a moment as Connor waited with his usual patience. Finally, Murphy slowly opened his hand and as his eyes gazed at what he held, his lip trembled uncontrollably.

“Oh my God.”

Murphy couldn’t believe what he was looking at…..it was indeed a piece of the original heart, the largest of the four broken bits. Connor had tucked that piece into his jeans the day Murphy broke it but Connor never discarded it. It was too precious to be thrown away, it meant too much. Instead, he hid it from his brother and worked on it in secret.

It took Connor weeks to gently grind the jagged edges until they were smooth and unblemished, then weeks of trying to reshape the broken piece into a new heart, being careful not to crack or break it as he chipped away at it. The new paint didn’t quite match the old paint but it was still a rich ruby red color, the mismatch in color barely noticeable.

“Conn……Oh my God, Conn…..” Murphy could barely speak as tears filled his eyes and obscured his vision before falling onto the heart unabated. He never felt so loved in his entire life. His Connor did all this just for him.

“It’s a bit deformed. I couldn’t get it to look as much like a heart as the other one. And the paint is a little off,” Connor quietly reported, seeing each and every flaw with his critical eye.

But all Murphy saw was love. All Murphy felt was love. All Murphy _knew_ was love…..Connor’s love. Murphy wouldn’t have thought it was possible but this heart was even better than the original.

Murphy sniffed quietly and he whispered, “It’s perfect. I love it so much, Connor.” He wiped at his eyes as he lifted the ceramic piece closer to his face, inspecting all the work Connor had done.

Even though the heart had been reshaped and smoothed out, it was still only a piece of the original and Murphy ran his thumb over the worn portion of his brother’s name that remained….. _“Con-”_

“Turn it over,” Connor instructed and Murphy flipped it over in his palm, inspecting what remained of his name on the other side….. _“-phy.”_

“We’re still two halves of a whole, Murph. One side is you and the other is me. Forever.”

Murphy flipped the heart back and forth, reading aloud the portions of their names that remained. “Con…..phy. Conphy,” Murphy said with a smile and a slight laugh, his tear filled eyes finding his brother’s gentle gaze. “This means so much to me, Connor. I promise I’ll treasure it forever.”

 _That’s_ the look Connor never wanted to forget…..that look of total and complete love.

Murphy clutched the heart tightly in his hand and he held it to his chest as Connor wiped the tears from his cheeks, telling Murphy just how much he hated it when he cried. Murphy let Connor fuss over him, smiling with the pure happiness of a man hopelessly in love.

Connor leaned forward and gently kissed Murphy’s mouth, whispering against his lips. “Now my dear Murphy…..should we finish making up?”


	50. Top or Bottom?

“You want to top or bottom, Murph?”

Connor’s voice was barely audible over their heavy breathing as they sat face to face on the blanket in the field, clad only in their jeans, their tender kisses of apology growing more frenzied and heated as their excitement grew. Connor’s breathless words were borderline unintelligible with Murphy’s tongue in his mouth yet his brother understood him completely. Murphy responded with a slight moan and a deepening kiss, not giving a shit who topped first…..he just wanted to fuck.

He felt the smile of Connor’s lips against his mouth as their tongues playfully fought for dominance, the swirl of his lover’s tongue fueling the desire in Murphy’s body as he inched closer to his beloved. Connor’s fingers were deep in his brother’s hair but they now began their slow descent, stroking his face and neck before leisurely roaming across the broad expanse of Murphy’s bare shoulders and leaving goosebumps in their wake.

Connor wasn’t in a hurry, he loved the feel of his Murph and he took his time as he alternated between barely there touches and firm squeezes. He wanted to savor every minute, _every second,_ with the love of his life and he wasn’t about to rush any of it…..even though he was just as anxious as his twin.

The loving touches sent shockwaves through Murphy’s body and his skin tingled with every caress as a slight whimper escaped his lips, his soft sound of pleasure encouraging his brother onward. He wanted Connor’s hands all over his body and he was breathless with anticipation as the hot fingers slid further south and teased his ribs. Connor knew all his ticklish spots and he avoided none of them, delighting in making his boyfriend squirm in his arms.

Murphy began to lose himself in the kiss that was just as incredible as the first time their lips met. Connor’s kiss told him how much he loved him, how much he wanted him….. it was tender and full of adoration while at the same time ravenous and demanding. It felt the same yet completely different with neither brother feeling the need to hide from the intensity of the love they shared.

That kiss said everything without Connor uttering a single word.

As magical as the kiss was, it was also a paradox. It excited Murphy yet calmed his anxiety. It made him weak in the knees while giving him inner strength. And it made him want to cry with emotion while instilling his heart with pure happiness.

Murphy still had a tight grip on the most precious item he owned and his fingers toyed with the ceramic heart as he kissed the man he loved, his face reflecting the deepest of emotion and the strongest desire. He never expected to see that heart again, he thought it was gone for good but there it was…..a tiny piece of Heaven in his palm. His free hand moved to Connor’s bare chest and Murphy rested his fingertips directly over his lover’s heart, feeling the pounding rhythm beneath his gentle touch as his own heart beat in perfect synchronicity.

Murphy was the happiest he’d ever been in his life, it just wasn’t possible to be any happier. Every wish he ever had, every hope was fulfilled by the man tenderly kissing him. He still couldn’t believe it…..his incredible Connor was in love with him. That’s all Murphy ever wanted in life and now he had it. He was almost afraid to open his eyes just in case it was all just a beautiful dream.

Connor’s skin was hot to the touch and as Murphy’s thumb grazed Connor’s nipple, his twin shuddered with excitement and kissed him harder. Experience taught Murphy that Connor’s nipples were a direct line straight to his cock…..the harder the nipple, the harder the cock. It was one of his brother’s turn-ons that Murphy took full advantage of whenever Connor was shirtless.

Murphy twisted and pulled the hardening nub, feeling it quickly stiffen between his thumb and forefinger just as a low growl reached his ears. Connor sounded like a wild animal sometimes and Murphy couldn’t help but get turned on when his brother made sounds like that. God, he wanted Connor inside him.

Connor dragged his mouth to Murphy’s neck and he sucked his pulse point before licking a long line toward his ear, his tongue torturing another of Murphy’s ticklish spots with light flicks before gently blowing hot breath across his lover’s moist skin.

“You’re not playing fair,” Murphy was breathless as he tried not to laugh and he gently pushed at his boyfriend’s sweaty chest, his thumb pausing to grind circles over Connor’s stiff peak. As much as Murphy complained, they both knew he didn’t want Connor to stop, not for all the money in the world. Connor sucked Murphy’s earlobe between his lips and gently bit it before moving on to nuzzle his brother’s hair, reveling in the intoxicating scent of his Murph.

“Stop, Connor…..you know I’m ticklish,” Murphy half-laughed, half-moaned in torturous ecstasy when Connor’s lips began to nibble on his ear once again.

There was no doubt Murphy was ticklish…..Connor knew this firsthand. He loved every ticklish spot on his brother’s body, from Murphy’s neck to his baby toes and everyplace in between. It got Connor so fucking hot to make Murphy wiggle and moan when he hit one of those spots just right, like he was doing right now.

“Mmm-hmmm, I know,” Connor whispered into his brother’s ear before following his words with a trail of soft kisses that led to Murphy’s collarbone. The younger twin shook beneath the hot lips and he couldn’t stifle his laugh, not when Connor was doing the things he was doing. One of Connor’s favorite sounds in the whole world was Murphy’s laugh, especially when Connor was the reason, and he smiled widely at the childish giggle he caused.

When Connor lifted his face from his boyfriend’s neck, he was met with an expression he didn’t expect. He thought he’d see the smile of his brother, the heated blush of his lover or perhaps the mischievous smirk that said Murphy was about to make him pay for all that tickling.

But Murphy had turned serious; his laughter had stopped and even though his eyes still held that playful glint, there was an importance in that look like never before. Murphy pulled back and the warmth of his hand left Connor’s chest with a slow drag of his nails across his skin, creating a near panic in his brother. For the briefest moment, Connor’s blood ran cold and he couldn’t fucking breathe as he waited to see if his Murph would withdraw further.

Murphy seemed to recognize his twin’s fear on an instinctual level and his eyes filled with a softness meant only for Connor. This wasn’t a stoppage or a withdrawal of affection. This was a necessary pause and nothing more. Murphy held the ceramic heart up for Connor to see before carefully tucking it into his pants pocket, not willing to risk losing track of it during their lovemaking.

Relief flooded Connor and he quietly released the breath he was holding as he waited for Murphy’s hands to return to his body, eager to continue what they had only just begun. If Murphy didn’t touch him again soon, Connor was certain he’d lose his fucking mind. He dug deep and found the resolve he needed, willing himself to remain still until his love was ready to continue. If he had to, Connor would wait forever for his Murph.

After what was only a few seconds but felt like several hours, Murphy finally reached for Connor. He grasped his brother’s shoulders and carefully climbed on him, kneeling on the blanket and straddling Connor’s thighs. He rested his bulge tentatively against Connor’s groin and waited for a reaction, his fingers shifting nervously on his brother’s flesh.

Murphy didn’t know why he was so nervous…..it’s not like this was their first time together. Connor told him to take what he wanted, to do whatever felt good but this was make-up sex.....it had to be better than good. He wanted Connor to tell him it was the best _ever,_ better than all the other times combined…..he wanted Connor to cum like never before.

Pressure. Murphy was putting too much pressure on himself….. _that’s_ why he was so nervous. He had to stop overthinking the situation and not let his own stupid insecurities ruin this precious intimacy they had just built. He’d trust his gut and do what felt good, just like Connor said.

Connor knew his boyfriend was nervous. Shit, he was nervous too. He wanted to impress Murphy, he wanted to make him moan uncontrollably with pleasure…..Connor wanted his Murph to fall even more in love with him. But first Connor had to control the shake of his body and that was damn near impossible with Murphy on top of him. Murphy made him nervous in a way no one else ever could and Connor couldn’t get enough of that incredible feeling.

“You’re shaking, Connor,” Murphy’s voice was soft and full of wonder, his eyes wide as he hoped he wasn’t misinterpreting the situation. Was Connor really so excited that he shook? Could Murphy really have that effect on him?

Connor scratched at his brother’s thighs and smiled a lopsided grin, responding with only one softly moaned syllable. “Aye.”

That was all the encouragement Murphy needed and his eyes twinkled with sexual excitement as he squirmed even closer. He felt the distinct push of Connor’s growing erection beneath him and Murphy grinded his hips in a continuous circular motion, enjoying the friction his movement created.

“Jesus, Murph,” Connor quietly moaned as the sweet sweat of attraction began anew. He loved it when his lover climbed on him and moved like that; it was the biggest turn on to feel the weight of Murphy’s cock on top of his.

Connor’s hands ran up Murphy’s thighs and circled his waist, pulling him down harder onto his thickening cock as Murphy continued his hip gyrations. Connor’s nipple was tweaked by the slender fingers of his brother while his other hand dug painfully into Connor’s shoulder for leverage. Fucking hell, Connor never knew dry humping could be so fucking hot and if he wasn’t careful, he’d end up blowing his load in his jeans.

Connor pulled at Murphy’s belt, jerking his brother forward in his hurried effort to undo his pants. Murphy bit his lip as his body stilled, his eyes watching his brother’s agile hands work on his buckle. Connor had the best hands ever…..they were so fucking sexy. They were soft yet still retained a manly edge and they were strong but wonderfully gentle at the same time. But the thing Murphy loved most was what those hands did when they touched him.

Connor’s hands did things Murphy used to only dream about…..not just dirty things but things that made Murphy want to cry. Those hands conveyed love in the purest form, they soothed and cherished him…..Connor’s hands touched him with a love that was reserved for the most precious of souls.

Murphy thought he was too broken to ever be loved, he was too damaged and beyond repair. He honestly believed those words Father O’Shea whispered in his ear all those years ago, he thought they were the truth. But as Connor lifted his head and smiled at him, the love shone through and Murphy saw those words for what they were…..complete fucking shit.

Connor loved him, more than anyone ever would. Connor didn’t see a broken person; he didn’t see someone beyond repair. Connor only saw love.

He needed to tell Connor what happened. He needed to trust that their love was strong enough to withstand his brutal history. It would be difficult to talk about, near impossible to put into words and excruciating to relive again but it had to be done…..Connor needed to know.

“Hey…..you okay?”

Connor had pushed his brother’s jeans open but he wasn’t doing anything…..he was too intent on studying Murphy’s face. There was something in those blue eyes that gave Connor pause, something that made him want to stop everything and find out what Murphy was thinking and why he had that look on his face.

Murphy smiled and nodded, doing his best to calm his brother’s concern. Connor’s love gave Murphy strength and he pushed the dark memory from his mind, not letting it take hold. He wasn’t about to taint this day with talk about _that._ It could wait.

He took Connor’s hands and placed them on his hips as he gently kissed his lips, heavy on the wetness but light on the tongue. Murphy let more of his weight rest on his brother and with a soft moan he ran his nails up Connor’s arms and squeezed his biceps.

Connor laughed at his brother’s antics and he slid his hands to the base of his lover’s spine. His fingers drew excruciatingly slow patterns across the pale flesh just above the waistband of Murphy’s loose jeans and he smirked when Murphy gave in to a shiver.

Murphy ended their kiss with a gentle pull of Connor’s lower lip between his teeth and he placed his hands on Connor’s face and held him in the gentlest embrace, his eyes barely blinking. Connor saw that look of love a million times from his brother but this time that look was unbelievably intense, it was honest and unfiltered. Murphy’s love was an open book.

“You’re so beautiful, Connor. You really are. Not just on the outside but inside too.”

They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment before Murphy blushed and looked down, his eyes blinking rapidly as emotion threatened to overpower him. Murphy bit his lip and slid his hands from his brother’s face but Connor wasn’t about to let his boyfriend retreat from this moment…..he wouldn’t let Murphy run from him again, even if it was just his eyes looking away. No fucking way would they take a step back when they’d come so far.

“Murph…..stay with me. Don’t you fucking leave.” Connor’s voice was insistent as he kept his promise from the hour before…..he chased after Murphy when he ran, even if it was only figuratively.

Murphy’s wet eyes returned to his and Connor saw steely resolve reflected back. Murphy was done running, he wasn’t about to leave his Connor…..not ever again. Not for anything.

Murphy was the missing piece in Connor’s life, even though he’d been with him since birth. But it was different now. They were in love. And Connor would rather die than be without that love.

“God, you’re so fucking amazing Murph. I’m so in love with you.”

Connor always knew just what his brother needed to hear, even if Murphy himself didn’t seem to know sometimes. Murphy sighed softly, giving in to the love that flowed freely from Connor’s heart to his own…..the love that encompassed him with undying devotion. “I love you too, Conn. So much.”

Murphy dipped his head and kissed his Connor with all the love in his heart and all the fire in his soul. He clutched at the back of Connor’s neck almost desperately, his nails digging and scratching at Connor’s flesh as he pulled him into a bruising kiss that reminded Connor just how feral and wild his twin could be. While Murphy was untamed in his passion, he was also unselfish and he knew just how to kiss his twin to get Connor’s motor running.

When Murphy loved, he loved with every part of his body, mind and soul…..and every part of him belonged to Connor.

Murphy moaned loudly into Connor’s open mouth when he felt his lover’s hands slide down his spine and into his jeans, his back arching when hot fingers wormed their way into his boxers. Once inside the soft cotton, the hands slid deeper downward and cupped a round cheek firmly in each palm and pulled forward, forcing their bodies to meld together.

They couldn’t get enough of each other and Connor rocked his brother on his lap in a steady rhythm, increasing the sensation in both their cocks as Murphy wiggled and grinded in his grip, driving Connor slightly insane with his movements. They moaned in unison when Connor pulled especially hard on his lover’s ass and grinded their cocks together almost painfully…..a hot, delicious, mouth-watering pain that caused them both to gasp.

In one smooth movement, Connor pushed his brother onto his back and carefully knelt between his spread thighs as he finally broke their heated kiss with a soft sucking sound. Murphy stared up at him, breathless and red-faced with kiss swollen lips and Connor swore his brother was the most beautiful creature God ever made. There was something about the way his hair fell across his face and the way that sexy fucking mole moved when he bit his lip that made Connor want to fuck the living shit out of him.

“You never answered my question, Murph.”

Connor’s voice was husky as he pulled at Murphy’s pants, sliding them down his thighs and off his body. Next were the boxers, which Connor removed exceedingly slow…..not to torture his brother, like Murphy suspected, but to allow himself time to appreciate exactly what he had lying in front of him.

Murphy was so fucking beautiful…..just--so fucking beautiful.

Murphy bent his knees, planted his feet on the blanket and opened his legs wide in anticipation, wondering why the fuck his lover wasn’t prepping him. Connor was excited and obviously hard…..Murphy not only felt it, he could see it straining against Connor’s zipper. By now Connor should be naked himself and ready to fuck but all he was doing was staring.

“Connor?”

Connor’s eyes moved in slow appreciation and when they finally settled on the engorged cock of his boyfriend, his desire nearly burned him alive. Murphy’s dick was hard and straining toward the clouds with his precum glistening in the summer sun as it leaked from his slit. He had the most incredible cock…..long and thick with just a slight curve to the right.

Murphy called his name a second time and Connor couldn’t help but smile at his baby brother…..Murphy never was the patient twin. But given how hot and bothered Connor had become, his own patience had deserted him as well and he was consumed by the urgent ache between his legs.

Connor reached for the tubes of lube he had hidden beneath the blanket’s edge and he held them up for inspection, announcing with a raised eyebrow, “Cinnamon for my Murph…..strawberry for me.”

He didn’t even realize it, but Murphy licked his lips as he waited for Connor’s choice…..one tube meant he’d bottom and the other meant he’d top. He didn’t hope for one tube over the other, they each had their pleasurable benefits and regardless of the decision, both tubes would be used this day.

But Connor didn’t make any type of decision, he made no choice. Connor merely smirked and tossed both tubes on the blanket next to his brother. Murphy’s brow furrowed with confusion, he was uncertain what that action actually meant…..what was the decision? Who was topping? What flavor was chosen?

The sound of metal clinking refocused the darker twin’s attention back to the hips of his lover as Connor undid his belt and then his pants. He stood for only a moment, just long enough to kick his clothing free before kneeling again between Murphy’s open legs and resting his hands on his brother's knees.

Connor squeezed gently and pushed Murphy’s legs open wider and paused.....his eyes locking onto his brother while noting how labored Murphy’s breathing had become. He slowly slid his fingers up Murphy’s inner thighs, crawling at a snail’s pace as he tickled and teased the tender flesh.

Murphy tried to stay still, he liked what Connor was doing and he tried not to wiggle away from the fingers drawing circles on his skin but it was fucking impossible. Murphy giggled like he was ten years old when Connor was halfway between his knees and cock and Connor watched his squirming other half with fascination, thrilled at the discovery of a brand new ticklish spot on his little brother.

“You still didn’t answer my question. You want to top or bottom, Murphy?”

“Yes,” Murphy answered with a slight laugh. His answer was an honest one, actually. Yes, he wanted to top and yes, he wanted to bottom. He wanted everything and anything, he wanted the best of both worlds…..Murphy wanted to give _and_ receive.

Jesus, Murphy just wanted to fuck already.

“You think you’re so fucking smart, don’t ya? You think you know everything,” Connor said in his typical older brother teasing tone that said he knew something his twin didn’t. “But I have a big surprise for you, my dear Murphy.”

Connor dipped his head and gently kissed Murphy’s knee, his eyes watching his brother’s face carefully as he slowly began to kiss a trail up Murphy’s inner thigh. His tongue darted out and tasted the salty sweat of his twin before the kisses resumed, his face inching closer to the junction between Murphy’s spread thighs.

“Connor…..you don’t have to.”

They’d been together dozens of times, they had fucked in multiple positions and Murphy had even rimmed Connor. Hand jobs were eagerly given, cum was licked from fingers and bellies and Murphy had sucked Connor’s dick on more than one occasion.

But Connor had never blown him. Not once.

Murphy just assumed Connor wasn’t interested in sucking dick and he didn’t want his brother doing it just because he thought he _had_ to. Truth be told, Murphy never had _anyone_ go down on him, not ever. And even though he’d kill to have Connor suck him off, he’d been too afraid to ask him to do it.

Connor lifted his head and he smiled sheepishly at his brother, his words uncharacteristically soft but filled with honesty. “I want to Murph, I swear I do. I’ve wanted to for awhile now it’s just that…..well, I’m nervous. I’ve never given a blow job before.”

Connor’s quiet confession shocked Murphy…..Connor had dated Brian for months, he said they had sex a few times and Murphy just assumed they’d done _that_ too. But now it was all crystal clear why Connor hesitated when they were together, why he never reciprocated. Connor was just scared.....he wanted to do it but he was scared.

Murphy sat up and took Connor’s hands in his own, his words barely a whisper as he stroked Connor’s skin with the tenderness of a lover. “It’s okay, Conn. Don’t be nervous. There’s a first time for everything, right?” It felt good to be the one doing the comforting, to be the twin with the reassuring words and soothing touch.

Connor took a deep breath, slightly embarrassed but refusing to let that emotion stop him. He wanted to be incredible for his Murph, he wanted to “wow” him with everything he did and he wanted to give Murphy the best blow job he’d ever had. “I just want to make you feel good Murph, that’s all.”

“You will. I just know it,” Murphy said with conviction, lifting Connor’s hands and gently kissing them before blushingly adding his own confession to his brother’s. “Connor. I never got a blowjob before…..not ever. You’d be my first.”

Murphy didn’t even think twice about sharing this fact with his brother, he knew Connor wouldn’t mock or judge him. And he didn’t want to hide things anymore…..not from Connor.

For some people, that confession would have added to the anxiety, being someone’s first would have increased the pressure. But for Connor, it was the exact opposite. Connor was excited to give Murphy this first experience, to share it together. He was thrilled his brother opened up to him and he felt their bond strengthen as a result. And Connor couldn’t wait to do something he dreamed about just last night.

“The man I love recently told me there’s a first time for everything.” Connor’s smile was infectious and Murphy couldn’t help but smile back. He loved seeing his twin’s smile, it was the best smile in the world.

“Sounds like a smart guy.”

“He’s not just a pretty face,” Connor reported sincerely as Murphy rolled his eyes and looked away…..he still had trouble believing compliments, even from Connor. Before Murphy’s blush could take hold, Connor pecked at his lips and told him to lie back down and “prepare for greatness.”

Murphy laughingly obeyed, bending his knees and opening his legs while knowing full well Connor was making jokes to not only put Murphy at ease but to hide his own nerves. Connor quickly repositioned himself between his brother’s spread thighs and he pushed his legs open wider, his eyes drinking in the beauty of his Murph. 

Murphy had softened but that was fine with Connor…..he could easily fix that. Even though Connor never gave a blow job before, he received the best ones from Murph. Connor knew what felt good, he knew what got him hard and made him cum. Murphy was a guy, he was Connor’s twin brother…..no doubt he’d like the same things.

Murphy kept his eyes on his brother, watching him closely as he reached for his soft cock. Connor had given him plenty of hand jobs and he wasn’t shy about taking Murphy in hand; on the contrary, Connor was eager. He wrapped his fingers around Murphy’s length in a firm grip and lifted his dick toward his face, pausing only long enough to catch his lover’s gaze. Connor held his eyes as he gently kissed the tip, his pink tongue licking a stripe across Murphy’s slit immediately after the kiss.

Before Murphy could even moan, Connor sucked the end of Murphy’s dick between his lips, his tongue swirling and tasting as his fingers toyed with his shaft, milking him in an upward direction, hand over hand. Murphy stiffened quickly and Connor grasped his cock at the base as he slowly took more of his brother into his mouth. Connor hollowed his cheeks as he moved his tongue along the underside of his brother’s dick, waiting for the moan he could see building.

Connor’s mind filled with thoughts of Murphy…..how he sounded, how he felt, how he tasted. Fuck, nothing tasted as good as his Murph. Even his precum was sweet.

It didn’t take long for a guttural sound to be heard, the moan long and drawn out, the words nondescript. Murphy squirmed so much that his head moved off the blanket and into the grass, his shoulders soon following. Connor maneuvered himself flat onto his belly and wrapped his arm under and around one of Murphy’s thighs and held him in place, keeping the majority of his brother’s body on the blanket and in position.

Connor lifted his head and his mouth released Murphy’s dick with a pop, allowing his twin to catch his breath as those ocean blue eyes focused once again on the man between his thighs. Murphy reached for his brother and grabbed a fistful of Connor’s hair when he began licking him like a lollipop with long tongue strokes from base to tip. Murphy’s dick twitched in the air when Connor’s flat tongue licks changed to pointed flicks, his primary focus centered on the underside of his lover’s dick just beneath the head.

Just when Murphy didn’t think he could take anymore, just when he thought he would lose his mind, Connor did something he never expected…..he sucked one of his balls into his mouth. Connor’s mouth was hot and wet and he was very gentle, carefully keeping his teeth off his brother’s tender sack as he sucked with just the perfect amount of pressure.

Murphy didn’t want to close his eyes, he fought to keep them focused on his boyfriend as he watched Connor’s mouth move from his balls to his cock. But as Connor took him deep into his mouth and began to bob his head, Murphy’s eyes immediately rolled to the back of his head.

Murphy’s back arched as his body writhed with pleasure as he felt himself spiraling out of control…..Connor’s mouth was fucking incredible. He opened his legs wider and felt the urge to pump his hips and fuck Connor’s face but he didn’t want to choke his lover or make him not want to do this again. So instead, Murphy fisted the blanket and panted through his excitement.

Connor reached for the lube and he quickly popped it open, releasing his brother only long enough to squirt a large amount on his fingers. He remained flat on his belly between Murphy’s legs and as he sucked his brother’s cock back into his mouth, he threw Murphy’s legs on his shoulders and deep throated him.

Connor pushed his shoulders against the back of his brother’s thighs and lifted Murphy’s ass in the air, his fingers probing for his lover’s hole and quickly finding it. He slid two fingers inside as Murphy made the wildest sound, his eyes closed tight and his body practically convulsing with pleasure.

Murphy’s hair looked jet black from sweat and his pale skin practically glowed in the sun, his body slick with salty moisture. Jesus, he looked fucking sexy…..Connor couldn’t wait to watch him cum.

Connor slid a third finger into his brother’s ass and began to finger fuck him as deep as he could in perfect rhythm to his head bobs, scissoring his fingers with each hard suck of his mouth. Murphy softly grunted and wiggled his hips, wanting those fingers deeper inside him as much as he wanted his cock deeper down Connor’s throat.

Finally, Murphy’s face contorted and he loudly moaned Connor’s name as his muscles tightened and his back arched. Connor watched as his boyfriend’s orgasm took hold and he tightened his lips around Murphy’s fat cock, not wanting to lose one drop of his brother’s hot cum.

Murphy exploded in his mouth, hot jets of cum hitting Connor’s tongue and the back of his throat as it practically choked him with the force. Connor held the cum in his mouth for a moment, wanting to savor the taste before swallowing, and he felt the shake of Murphy’s dick against his cheek as the last drops of cum spurt out.

The moaning stopped and the shaking slowed as Murphy began to soften inside his brother’s mouth but Connor held him between his lips, gently sucking him clean as Murphy struggled to catch his breath.

Connor’s fingers had stretched his boyfriend as much as possible and he waited patiently for Murphy to open his eyes and say he was ready to bottom. His own dick was rock hard and weeping, he’d gotten so fucking excited watching his beautiful Murphy cum that all he could think about was fucking his brains out.

Murphy’s cock slid from Connor’s lips and it landed on his thigh with a wet plopping sound just as his eyes opened and searched for his brother’s face. Murphy looked happy and content, he was still incredibly turned on and he was eager to be full of his Connor.

His body felt boneless as Connor kneeled, grabbed him by his ankles and lifted his legs high into the air, lining his dick up with Murphy’s well-prepped hole. Connor had already coated his cock with lube and he could barely hold back as he pushed inside his lover’s ass with a loud groan of satisfaction.

There was nothing like that first push into Murphy…..it was hot and tight and his brother made the sexiest sounds when he entered him.

They kept their eyes glued on each other…..Murphy watching for Connor’s pleasure, Connor watching for Murphy’s pain. Every time Murphy grimaced, even if it was just the tiniest twinge, Connor froze and waited for him to adjust. And once he adjusted, Connor pushed a little deeper, inch by slow inch until he was balls deep inside.

Once Murphy was completely impaled, Connor began his thrusts…..easy and slow at first until Murphy was able to take his entire size comfortably. The speed and depth increased with each pump of Connor’s hips until their bodies were loudly slapping against each other, drowning out the birds in the trees.

Murphy loved how huge his brother’s cock was…..Connor was fucking amazing in the sack and his dick felt so good inside him. It hadn’t been that long since Murphy came but Connor was hitting his prostate just right every time he entered him and pulled back.

It was inevitable…..Murphy was beginning to harden once again.

Connor noticed the change in his brother’s face, recognizing the flush of sexual arousal, and he released Murphy’s ankles and wrapped his arms underneath his brother’s knees, opening him wider. The pleasure increased as the depth increased and Connor leaned hard against his lover’s body, his belly rubbing Murphy’s cock with every movement.

Like most things in their lives, they were completely in sync. When they came, they came together; perfectly beautiful, loud and explosive…..their orgasms stronger than ever before.

Connor pulled out of his brother and released his legs, gently lowering them to the blanket as he slid to the side, his body half-on and half-off his brother. Connor stared down at his beautiful Murph and he pushed the soaking wet hair from his eyes as Murphy reached up and stroked his face.

“You okay?”

Murphy smiled at Connor’s usual question and nodded, “I like make-up sex.”

Connor laughed at the obvious and gently kissed the tip of his younger half’s nose, their intermingled sweat making them both glisten in the sun. He could almost feel the difference in Murphy’s demeanor and he hoped his lover wouldn’t return to that dark place he usually visited after sex, that place that made him quiet and clingy, that place that haunted his soulmate.

“We have the rest of the day to apologize some more, you know,” Connor pointed out, planning to spend all day in this field, on this blanket, making love with this man. “I brought plenty of lube.”

“That’s good because I’m really, _really_ sorry.”

The relief Connor felt was unbelievable. His Murphy didn’t leave him in any way, not physically, not mentally and not emotionally. He didn’t go to that dark fucking place Connor hated…..Murphy stayed with him.

They spent the rest of the day in that field and didn’t leave until hours after the sun went down. They talked and held hands, they kissed and touched, they made love so many times they lost count.

And there in the field on the blanket from Connor’s bed, they each fell deeper in love.


	51. Love and Truth

Murphy’s blue eyes watched his brother in the bathroom mirror as Connor compared the fresh ink on their necks, his eyes darting back and forth in deep concentration. Murphy knew exactly what his twin was doing…..Connor was making sure every detail of their first tattoos was identical, from the position on their skin to the radiant beams from the Virgin Mary’s head.

Murphy bit his lip as he stared at the beautifully intense face of his lover, remembering how Connor grabbed his hand as soon as they got home and dragged him upstairs with nothing more than a mumbled command of _“come on, Murph.”_ Once they arrived in the bathroom, Connor made quick work of both their shirts and then grabbed Murphy’s narrow hips, wordlessly turning him toward the mirror to study their reflection from over the darker twin’s shoulder. Connor’s fingers felt hot when they slid to his waist and after only a moment, one hand reached up and moved the hair from Murphy’s neck for an unobstructed view.

Jesus, it was unbelievably sexy the way Connor took control. He was forceful without being too rough, his fingers were firm but not bruising and his entire demeanor said he was in charge. He didn’t need to manhandle Murphy in order to get his way; Connor was man enough to take control without inflicting pain.

Not that Murphy would fight him…..at least not when Connor was like this, anyway. He understood his brother’s obsession, how sometimes he needed control and to see with his own eyes that his lover was fine. Fussing was second nature to Connor, at least whenever Murphy was concerned, and it’s something both twins accepted without question.

Connor’s eyes narrowed with pinpoint precision, no longer comparing their neck art for any dissimilarity but now focusing solely on Murphy’s reddened skin. He pulled at Murphy’s waist and angled him for a better view as the crease between his eyes deepened with concern.

There was something about that crease that got Murphy excited, something that made his heart beat like a hammer. It was almost ridiculous how much he loved that crease but he just couldn’t help it. He wanted to smooth it with his finger and relax it with his kiss and then watch it slowly reform when Connor found something else to focus on. Most of Connor’s anxiety was needless, much like whatever was currently plaguing him, and there was nothing Murphy could do but let it run its course and wait for his boyfriend to release his pent-up fear.

“It’s too red.”

Murphy almost laughed out loud at that statement…..the tattoo was less than an hour old, of course it would be red. He knew Connor would flip the fuck out if he giggled at his concern and only by the grace of God was Murphy able to suppress his amusement at his brother’s overreaction.

“What are you going on about, Conn? It’s fine.”

Connor scrunched his face in disagreement and he pushed at Murphy’s head so more of his neck was on display before gently turning him toward the mirror in an effort to make Murphy see what he meant. “No, look. Yours is redder than mine.” Connor motioned with his finger over his brother’s neck and caught his eyes in the reflection, that fucking crease growing deeper by the second, his concern not dissipating in the least. “It shouldn’t be like that. It looks infected.”

“Connor…..” Murphy sighed quietly as he miraculously remained patient in the face of his brother’s phobia. Of course Connor would freak out a bit, Murphy should have known that would happen. He loved Connor’s protective nature and near constant fussing but he didn’t like him this worried when there was nothing wrong. “I’ve only had it for an hour. It’s not infected.”

Connor couldn’t argue that fact but by the same token, he couldn’t shake the feeling that his brother’s tattoo just didn’t look right. The edges were raised far more than his own, it was fire engine red and it just looked….. _angry._ He pressed his lips together, refusing to be dissuaded from what his eyes told him, and he shook his head at Murphy’s attempt to placate him.

Murphy turned his back on the mirror and faced his boyfriend, raising his eyebrows and grinning with reassurance despite the way Connor studied him. He hated to admit it but the look on Connor’s face was kind of hot. That crease was miles deep, those eyes were full of raw emotion and his mouth…..Jesus, that beautiful fucking mouth. The mouth that did such dirty things yesterday now twitched with nervous concern and nearly hypnotized Murphy with the movement.

“You only think it looks redder than yours because I’m not tan like you. That’s all.” Murphy tried to keep his voice whispery soft as he reasoned with his twin, knowing how that softness soothed the savage beast known as his brother. He followed those words with a gentle stroke of Connor’s arm, pausing to squeeze his bicep before taking his lover’s hand into his own. “I’m okay.”

Connor instantly laced their fingers together as he tried to relax and give in to his Murph but his eyes gave his thoughts away. Murphy knew that look far too well…..Connor was trying to decide if he should take him to the emergency room.

Murphy squeezed his hand as he gently reminded his boyfriend how they’d been warned there’d be swelling and redness, maybe even a burning sensation as well. There was nothing to worry about, it was all perfectly normal…..Murphy’s skin was just more sensitive than Connor’s, that’s all.

Connor couldn’t deny his younger half’s argument; even though they were twins, they could have different skin reactions. It all made perfect sense, even if he didn’t like it. He felt himself relenting, at least for the time being, and he slowly nodded his assent as he reached for the cream they’d been given to stave off infection.

Thank God Connor gave in…..Murphy didn’t want to have another fight so soon after making up and he really didn’t want to be dragged to the hospital just because his neck was a little red. He pecked happily at Connor’s perfect pout before lifting his body to sit on the edge of the sink, knowing his twin wasn’t quite done with his fussing.

Connor stood between his open thighs and dabbed cream on Murphy’s neck, his touch exceedingly gentle as he made sure every square inch of that tattoo was covered. Murphy loved his brother touching him, even if it was just Connor playing nurse, and he fought the urge to close his eyes. No one touched him like Connor. That touch was special, it was meant only for _him_ and whenever those fingers danced across his skin, Murphy’s burning desire for his twin went sky high.

“Do you like it?”

The corners of Connor’s mouth turned upward at the softly whispered question, knowing Murphy needed the approval only he could give. After very little discussion, they had picked out the design together and it was Connor who suggested they tattoo their necks, almost as if to tell the world they belonged to each other. It was a permanent mark, an identical display and something that reflected their unending commitment not only to God but to each other.

Yes…..Connor liked it, he liked it very much.

Connor took his brother by the chin and he looked into the bluest of blue eyes, the eyes that made him want to be a better man, the eyes that reflected nothing less than perfect love. Just yesterday, Murphy might have blushed and looked away but not today. Today Murphy held his gaze and returned his smile with confidence, knowing just how much his Connor loved him.

“I love it, Murph. And I love _you_ even more.”

Whenever Connor said he loved him, Murphy felt a rush of happiness…..it was as if there was magic flowing between them that only they could feel. He’d never get tired of hearing those words of love, not when they came from Connor. They were the most important, most beautiful words he’d ever heard and as Murphy whispered _“I love you too, Conn,”_ his happiness was all encompassing.

Murphy wanted to kiss his boyfriend, he wanted to bite at his lips and taste his tongue. But instead of their lips meeting like they should have, instead of Connor kissing him so hard his mouth bruised, Connor surprisingly took a silent step back and released the confused face of his brother.

Stunned…..Murphy was momentarily stunned. What the fuck? He told Connor he wouldn’t break but there were those fucking kid gloves again. Connor was being careful with him, he was treating him like a baby and there was no fucking way Murphy would let him get away with that shit.

Shock turned to steadfast determination as Murphy watched his brother smear a thick glob of cream onto his own neck, his nimble fingers screwing the lid back on the tube when he was done. Murphy wanted those fingers on his body right fucking now and he’d do whatever was necessary to make that happen.

When Connor was about to walk away, when his lover wasn’t going to make a move of his own, that’s when Murphy pounced. He wrapped his legs around his brother and hooked his ankles together, pulling him tight to his body, groin to groin, their heat not masked by the thickness of their jeans. 

Connor laughed out loud and he let his twin trap him, his face reflecting shock but also pure enjoyment as he glanced down at the parts of their bodies pressed together. Connor flattened his hands on the sink on either side of his lover’s hips and leaned harder into Murphy’s body, forcing his twin to grab tight to his shoulders to prevent toppling backward.

“So Murphy wants to play, does he?” Connor teased with a raised eyebrow and he rutted between his boyfriend’s spread thighs, his eyes watching Murphy’s face for a reaction. Murphy’s mouth opened when he sucked in a sharp breath and that sexy pink tongue licked across suddenly dry lips, his face reddening not from embarrassment but with sexual excitement.

“No, Connor…..Murphy wants to fuck.”

Holy shit, when Murphy said things like that Connor about lost his mind…..his usually shy boyfriend could be surprisingly forward when there was something he wanted and Murphy’s reticence dissipated like dust in the wind.

“You sure? You’re not too sore after yesterday?” It was a reasonable question, considering how many times Murphy rode his dick in the past twenty four hours. But as much as he wanted to be buried deep inside his Murph right now, he’d forgo that pleasure if it meant his brother would be in pain.

“Who said you’re gonna top? Maybe I want you to bottom.”

Those words Murphy spoke weren’t necessarily true, however; they were more a playful tease than anything else. Murphy knew his lover and what he needed…..and right now, Connor needed to top.

Most people wouldn’t understand Connor’s need, they wouldn’t understand how it stemmed from fear. But Murphy knew. He knew his twin was afraid something was wrong with his tattoo, Connor felt out of control of the situation and his emotions. Topping would help Connor feel in control again. It wasn’t about power or sexual conquest, not in the least. It was about one man knowing exactly what his lover needed to feel secure…..and then giving it to him.

Connor wrapped his arms around his brother’s waist and pulled him off the sink, his hands clamping onto Murphy’s ass as he shifted his brother’s weight in his arms. Murphy clung to him with a tight grip of both hands and thighs; one hand clinging to Connor’s shoulder and the other to his neck while his legs remained locked like a vice around his waist.

Connor looked up at the face he loved…..his Murph looked so sexy staring at him through those long fucking eyelashes of his. Jesus, he was beautiful. His auburn hair hung low across his forehead and if Connor’s hands weren’t full of the ass he couldn’t get enough of, he’d brush that soft hair from his boyfriend’s ocean blue eyes.

Without a word said between them, Murphy dipped his head and captured Connor’s lips with his mouth. As was usual with every kiss they shared, self-restraint took flight and passion ruled. Murphy pulled at his neck as he inhaled his brother’s hot breath into his lungs, his soft moans making Connor’s lips tingle with the vibrations.

Holy fuck…..no one kissed as good as his Murph. His lips were soft but the pressure was firm, his tongue was frisky and fun yet a complete sexy tease and when Murphy deepened their kiss, Connor felt it clear down to his toes.

Without breaking free from Murphy’s kiss, Connor turned and took a few tentative steps toward the closed door. If they were going to make love, this time they were going to do it in one of their beds.

His left hand remained glued to the curved underside of Murphy’s ass while his right blindly searched for the doorknob, the smile on his face growing when he felt Murphy kick off his shoes…..the little shit could be so impatient sometimes.

But try as he might, Connor couldn’t find the door handle. All he wanted to do was get Murphy in bed and have his fucking way with him but he couldn’t even get them out of the bathroom. After a few more flails of his hand, he was forced to pull free from the mouth he lived to taste.

“Fucking hell, where’s the fucking doorknob?”

Murphy’s hot breath cascaded down Connor’s face in waves as he quietly laughed and leaned backward, his fingers easily finding the handle that had eluded his lover. As he pulled the door open, Connor kicked at it and carried him over the threshold and into their bedroom, making a beeline straight for their beds.

“Mine or yours, Murph?”

“Yours,” Murphy moaned with no hesitation; he knew exactly where he wanted to be.

Connor walked past Murphy’s bed and stopped at the foot of his own, glancing down at the rumpled sheets that would soon need changing. He felt the thighs around his waist relax their hold and Murphy slowly slid down his body until his feet reached the floor, Connor clutching his ass the entire way. The air felt hot between them, the rising heat from their bodies making it feel sticky and close as Connor released his brother’s ass with a hard squeeze.

That’s when Murphy stripped him.

Murphy stared into his eyes as he undid Connor’s belt, his fingers grazing his belly before moving on to the fly of his jeans. Once unzipped, Murphy hooked his thumbs into Connor’s boxers and slowly pushed down. When the clothing passed the curve of Connor’s ass, Murphy couldn’t resist anymore and he finally gazed at the semi-hardness of his brother. Connor’s prick was still the most mouthwatering thing Murphy had ever seen. He wondered if it was weird that he liked to see it in this state, to watch it thicken and rise as it transitioned into a rock hard sex machine. No, he quickly decided…..it wasn’t weird at all.

He allowed the clothing to fall to the floor and pool at his lover’s ankles before kneeling before his twin. He placed his hand on the back of Connor’s calf and lifted his leg to remove his shoe, the only sounds being Connor’s ragged breathing and the ticking of the second hand from the clock on their nightstand.

Shoelaces…..give me a fucking break. Connor always double knotted them, the bastard. Murphy wasn’t about to waste precious time untying Connor’s shoes so he pulled on the heel and removed both shoe and sock as fingers carded through his hair from above. He quickly repeated the process with the other foot before pulling the jeans and boxers from his brother’s body and tossing them to the side. Once Connor was completely naked, Murphy looked up his lean body and waited, the temptation to suck the dick pointing at his face nearly overwhelming him.

Fucking hell.....what a beautiful sight. Connor could barely believe how fucking lucky he was. He had the sexiest guy kneeling in front of him, eager to please. Murphy’s eyes were wide and brimming with love. And they’d just made a commitment of sorts with their tattooed skin, something everyone could see but no one but them would understand. There was no doubt whatsoever…..Connor was the luckiest guy on the planet.

“Tell me what you want, Connor.”

Connor stroked his brother’s hair so lightly that Murphy barely felt it before he pushed his fingers into the silky softness and fisted it. Murphy licked at his bottom lip and then the corner of his mouth as he waited, almost breathless with anticipation.

“Suck it.”

Murphy only lost eye contact for a brief moment when he obeyed his brother’s directive and reached for Connor’s prick. He grasped it at the base and as the tip of his lover’s dick passed between Murphy’s lips, those ocean blue eyes returned to Connor’s face.

“More, Murph. Harder.”

Murphy sucked Connor’s dick deeper into his mouth, his tongue massaging the underside of the hard cock as his hand pumped along the shaft. Connor’s free hand clenched into a fist as he watched his boyfriend hollow his cheeks and suck even harder, the urge to pump his hips beginning to overpower him.

No, he couldn’t thrust…..if he did, he’d choke his little brother. But fucking hell, it was so hard not to. Connor panted through his urge and remained still, somehow willing himself to stay in control as he watched his boyfriend with complete fascination.

A slight hum came from Murphy’s mouth and it nearly shot his boyfriend through the roof with the vibrations, Connor’s body lurching as his eyes widened in shock. Murphy’s eyes didn’t leave Connor’s matching baby blues as his humming grew louder and stronger, Connor’s growing moans quickly drowning out Murphy’s tune.

Connor felt his dick hit the back of Murphy’s throat and he froze…..shit, he had pushed deeper between those perfect lips without even realizing it. But Murphy didn’t pull back, he didn’t gag and he didn’t stop…..Murphy relaxed his throat and he swallowed Connor’s length.

A groan formed deep inside Connor’s chest as his dick disappeared inside his darker half’s mouth, deeper and deeper until his brother’s nose pressed into his body and his balls rested against Murphy’s chin. Hot breath teased Connor’s pubes and even hotter hands squeezed his hips and ass as Murphy began to bob his head.

Shit…..with Murphy deep throating him, it wouldn’t be long before Connor came. But Connor didn’t want to cum in his brother’s mouth, he wanted to cum in his ass.

In one smooth motion, Connor pulled his prick from his brother’s mouth as Murphy’s tongue glided along his shaft, teasing it one final time as he instinctively knew what Connor intended. As Connor’s cock sprang loose, the head rubbed across Murphy’s mouth and coated his bottom lip with a thin layer of precum, which Murphy leisurely licked clean between his heaving breaths.

Normally Connor would have been mesmerized by Murphy’s tongue, normally he would have stopped everything and just watched, but he was too fucking turned on to slow down. The only thing that made him pause, the one thing that would make him stop, was his continuing concern for his partner.

“You sure you’re okay, Murph? I don’t want to hurt you.” Connor stroked his sharp cheekbone with his thumb as he squatted in front of his brother, completely disregarding his hard, weeping cock in favor of his overheated twin. Connor evaluated his Murph with discerning eyes…..he didn’t like how red Murphy’s face was, how hard he was breathing or how much sweat had formed on his body. And after yesterday, he just had to be sore…..maybe too sore to take another pounding. No, even if Connor was gentle and went slow, it would be too much for his Murph.

“We don’t need to make love, Murph…..a blowjob is fine, okay?”

Murphy wasn’t about to lose out on sex with Connor just because his overprotective brother thought he was too sore. That was fucking bullshit…..he’d make love with Connor every second of every day, no matter how sore he was.

“I want you so fucking bad, Connor. Please…..don’t say no.” Murphy bit his lip as he waited with pleading eyes, hoping Connor would give in. He’d waited years to be with Connor and a sore bum wasn’t about to stop him now. “I’m fine. Honest.”

“You swear you’re okay? You fucking swear, Murph?”

“I fucking swear, Conn. Please?”

“All right…..but you tell me if it becomes too much.” Connor grasped Murphy by the back of his neck, leaned forward and gently kissed his forehead. “Now get your fucking pants off.”

Connor helped Murphy to his feet, which was a good thing considering how Murphy’s legs shook with anticipation. Connor walked behind him to get the lube while Murphy took off his pants and boxers, kicking them to the side to join his brother’s discarded clothing.

“Get on the bed. On your hands and knees.”

There wasn’t a position Murphy didn’t like, he liked them all, but doggy style was a particular favorite of his. He liked the feeling of his boyfriend taking him from behind, he loved the deep penetration and Connor always fucked him harder and faster in this position.

Murphy crawled onto his brother’s bed and spread his legs wide as he got down on all fours, his ass hanging over the foot of the bed and tilted upward as he watched his brother approach from over his shoulder.

Connor stared at his brother’s backside as he coated his fingers with a thick layer of lube…..shit, Murphy had a nice ass. His butt cheeks were perfectly rounded, his ass looked fucking great in a pair of jeans and when Connor fucked him, no matter the position, Murphy’s heat nearly burned him alive. Fucking hell, Connor loved Murphy’s ass…..it was fucking perfect.

Connor carefully prepped his brother, making sure he stretched Murphy as much as his fingers would allow. He coated his dick with a ton of lube before lining himself up with the pucker of Murphy’s ass and when he finally entered his twin, the tightness and heat he remembered from the day before nearly brought him to his knees.

They started out shallow and slow with Connor rocking in and out of his brother in an almost leisurely rhythm, the bed squeaking softy with every pump of his hips. He stopped a couple times just to make sure Murphy was fine before starting anew, albeit at a slightly faster pace. Once Connor was assured Murphy could take it, once he was certain his brother had adjusted and wouldn’t cry out in pain, he began to push deeper inside until he was embedded completely.

Their bodies moved in perfect opposition, skin slapping loudly as the thrusts forcefully increased, each twin losing himself in the moment. Connor tried to be gentle with his grip on Murphy’s hips but his excitement seemed to get the better of him and he pulled harder in an effort to go deeper inside.

Murphy lowered his shoulders to the mattress and he pushed his legs wider apart in reaction to Connor’s quickened pace. Connor’s dick hit his prostate at just the right angle and Murphy slid his hand between his legs to fist himself, his hand pumping in perfect time to his lover’s thrusts.

Murphy pressed his head into the bed and fisted the sheet with his free hand as he moaned loudly with pleasure, barely comprehending it was him who made that sound. Connor loved making Murphy moan like that…..short of the sound he made when he came, it was the sexiest sound ever.

Connor shifted his feet on the hardwood floor, widening his stance as his hands slid to his brother’s backside. He took an ass cheek in each palm and pushed his boyfriend open wider as he pressed his hips into Murphy’s body. He held himself in place, dick fully inside his Murph, and he grinded his hips.

“Conn…..” Murphy moaned from beneath him, barely able to enunciate his brother’s name…..fuck, he could barely think let alone speak.

Connor released his ass and reached underneath his brother, pulling Murphy’s hand from his dick and replacing it with his own. His hand pumped a few times as his brother wiggled beneath him, creating the most incredible sensation around Connor’s dick. Holy fucking hell…..Connor wouldn’t last much longer.

“You still okay, Murph?”

Connor couldn’t see the nod of his lover’s head with Murphy’s face pressed into the sheet so he slid his free hand up Murphy’s sweaty back and squeezed his arm, shaking him slightly.

“Murph?”

Murphy grunted quietly as he turned his head to the side and looked at his lover from the corner of his eye. This time Connor caught the nod.

God, he fucking loved Murph so much. He wanted to look into his eyes when they came.

Murphy moaned at the loss of the hand on his cock and the dick in his ass…..until Connor rolled him onto his back and quickly kissed his mouth. Sweaty hot hands pulled at Murphy’s waist until his ass hung off the edge of the bed and Connor reached under his knees with his forearms and pushed against his thighs as he slid his dick inside once more.

Murphy pulled on his dick as Connor fucked him, both brothers growing closer to their peak with each passing second. Their balls drew up at the same time and as much as Murphy wanted to close his eyes in ecstasy, he couldn’t look away from the love shining down on him from above.

They held each other’s eyes as much as possible when their orgasms took control, their vision swimming, their bodies convulsing, their moans overlapping and echoing in their bedroom. They watched for the other’s enjoyment and smiled at the same time, knowing they were the cause of such pleasure.

When the final orgasmic wave passed and the last bit of cum had been expelled, Connor reluctantly pulled his softening cock from his brother’s body and lowered Murphy’s legs. They squirmed in unison up the bed, moving away from the sweat that had collected on the lower end of the sheet, and before the cum could dry on his brother’s belly, Connor got to work licking him clean.

Murphy stroked his brother’s damp hair and he laughed quietly when Connor’s tongue tickled a tender spot on his flesh, his stomach lurching beneath his brother’s hot mouth. When Connor finished, he propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at his beautiful Murph.

“So…..you sore _now?”_

Murphy laughed and lifted his head to peck Connor’s lips, tasting himself on his brother’s tongue. He lowered his head back to the pillow and smiled devilishly at his twin. “I swear Conn…..I won’t walk normal for a month.”

“Only a month? I must be losing my touch.”

“No fucking way…..trust me, that’s not possible.” Murphy stroked his brother’s bicep, loving the feel of the smooth skin and the hard muscle beneath his fingers. He drew circles up Connor’s arm to his shoulder and then down his chest, pausing to pull his nipple before his hand returned to the arm of his lover. “You want me to get us something to drink?”

“No. I want you to stay in my bed. I’ll get it.” Connor crawled over Murphy’s body and off the bed, pausing to pull at the sheet they had kicked loose and covering his Murph with the soft linen. He pulled on his boxers and jeans as Murphy watched and once he reached the door, Connor paused and looked back at his reclining twin. “You really are amazing, Murph.”

Connor was gone before his brother could respond and Murphy smiled with happiness at where he was…..he was in the bed of his boyfriend and lover, his very best friend and the best person he knew. He pressed his face into Connor’s pillow and inhaled his scent, smiling at how Connor’s smell made his stomach do flip-flops of excitement.

His fingers played with the edge of the sheet as he waited for his love to return, the minutes without his Connor feeling like hours. What was taking so long? Connor was probably making lemonade or iced tea, although Murphy would have been happy with just water, if truth be told. But Connor always went the extra mile…..just for him.

Murphy sat up and looked around their room, his eyes landing on the desk drawer with the dictionary, suddenly deciding he needed to see the pictures hidden inside. He vaulted from his brother’s bed and pulled the heavy book from the drawer, his fingers quickly finding the images from their first date.

He stared at the pictures, remembering every detail, every smell and every taste. Ever since that day, his life got better and better. He was happy and content like never before. He could actually see a future when before he only saw darkness. And it was all because of Connor and his love.

Murphy set the pictures on the desk and he reached for the ceramic heart, his smile growing wider as he stared at the small piece of crockery in his palm. _Conphy_ …..that was them, two halves of a whole. Forever, just like Connor said. With a soft sigh, Murphy placed the heart on the pictures, his finger tracing across the image of his lover’s face.

Connor made him feel so loved…..it was the most incredible feeling in the world, to be loved so completely and unconditionally.

He glanced at the bedroom door, taking comfort in the fact that his twin was only one floor below. Murphy’d been such a chicken shit lately, he put off the conversation he knew they needed to have all because he was scared. But it was time to grow up and be a fucking man. He needed to quit avoiding the problem and tell Connor what he’d been through, what that man did to him. Connor would love him no matter what.

Murphy wiped at his suddenly wet eyes and he reached for his pants, quickly pulling them on and making his way down the stairs, his heart full of determination. He smiled at the sound of the tiny clicks of a knife on a cutting board and when he entered the kitchen, his heart instantly warmed.

As Murphy suspected, on the kitchen table was a tray with a pitcher of lemonade and two glasses filled with ice. Connor’s back was to his brother, his attention focused on the fruit he was cutting into bite size pieces and his quiet humming was music to Murphy’s ears.

Maybe he should wait…..it would hurt Connor to tell him what happened with the priest, he’d be devastated. But Murphy wasn’t sure if he’d ever be brave enough again. No, Connor needed to know. No matter how much it hurt them both, no matter how out of control it would make Connor feel, Murphy knew in his heart it was time.

Murphy took a shuddering deep breath before walking to his twin, struggling to find his elusive courage. He wrapped his arms around Connor’s waist and pulled him tight to his chest, gently kissing his bare shoulder as Connor quietly laughed.

“You just couldn’t wait, could you?” Connor picked up a piece of fruit and held it up toward his brother, his head turning slightly to gaze at his twin. “Here…..I cut some apples for you.”

Murphy rested his chin on Connor’s shoulder and he opened his mouth as Connor smiled and placed the fruit between his lips. He chewed slowly as Connor resumed his cutting, his soft words comforting the disquiet in his brother’s heart. “I really meant what I said, Murph. You’re amazing…..in so many ways, you have no fucking idea. Every day I’m more in love with you.”

Connor expected a response of some kind and when he got nothing but a tightening of hands on his body, he instantly grew concerned. He put the knife down and twisted in his brother’s arms until they faced each other, the crease between his eyes suddenly returning when he saw the look on Murphy’s face and the haunted look in his eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

Murphy released his brother and took a step back…..his body started to shake and he felt completely lost as his eyes slowly filled with tears. How do you tell the love of your life something so terrible? How do you make it not hurt? How do you even put it into fucking words?

“Murphy…..you’re scaring me.”

Connor took his brother by the hands and gently squeezed as Murphy closed his eyes in an attempt to hold back the flow of tears. But it was for naught when Connor cradled his face in his hand and stroked his cheek. Once Murphy felt that love, the tears leaked from his eyes.

Connor suspected what was about to happen, he’d been expecting it for some time now…..he just didn’t know all the details yet. He continued to hope he was wrong, Connor prayed what he suspected never happened to his baby brother and he reminded himself to stay calm and be strong. _God please, just let him be wrong. Please._

Murphy opened his eyes, wiped at his face and spoke in a voice barely above a whisper, the tremble giving away his state of mind. “Connor…..you said I could tell you anything. And you’d always understand. You said I could tell you anything at all.”

Now Connor was really fucking scared.

“Did you mean that?”

Connor felt like he couldn’t breathe, like all the oxygen had been sucked from the room. He nodded slowly and did his best to keep his voice steady, he had to stay strong for what was to come. “Yeah, Murph. You can tell me anything at all.”

“Will you still love me no matter what I tell you? No matter how bad it is or how disgusting and sick?”

Murphy knew the answer to that question, there really was no doubt whatsoever. But for some reason, hearing that answer would give him the strength he needed to continue.

Connor didn’t hesitate, not for one split second, his words forthright and full of emotion. “Murphy MacManus, I’ll love you forever. No matter what. You’re my love…..my Murph. You can tell me anything at all and it won’t ever change that love, not ever.”

Murphy bit his lip and glanced around the room, wishing to God he could just run away. But he was done running from the past, he needed to face it and tell Connor what happened, no matter how painful it was. When his eyes returned to Connor’s loving gaze, Murphy nodded and wiped at his face one final time.

Through his tears Murphy finally said the words he could never say out loud before.

“Father O’Shea raped me.”


	52. Pain and Acceptance

Those first words were the hardest. Murphy never thought he’d say those words out loud or acknowledge the horror his whispered confession represented. Two years ago he promised himself he’d take that dark secret to his grave and never tell a single soul, not ever. But things were different now….. _Murphy_ was different now.

He used to live in darkness and unbearable pain, faking a smile while pretending he hadn’t been violated in the most reprehensible way imaginable. He felt like a shadow of his former self, moving aimlessly through time, forever broken and unworthy of happiness of any kind. But then Connor kissed him and everything began to change.

The love Murphy never dared hoped to be reciprocated was suddenly a reality and his bleak existence was filled with comfort and warmth. The darkness that used to rule Murphy’s life was expunged with the very first press of Connor’s soft lips against his mouth and for the first time in what felt like forever, Murphy’s heart was happy.

Connor’s love gave his brother strength and the confidence to face his demons. Murphy could bare his soul and his brother wouldn’t judge him or turn away…..Connor would still love him. There was no reason to be afraid, Murphy was safe with Connor.

Once the words started, they couldn’t be stopped. They came out in a jumbled rush, pieces of sentences when Murphy’s emotions overwhelmed him and pieces of words when the memory became too much. He paused only to wipe at his face and catch his breath, afraid if he stopped, he’d never finish.

Murphy told Connor how it all began, how he’d been overpowered and brutally used, how he screamed and almost passed out from the pain. Murphy’s body shook violently when he told Connor how often it happened and how scared he was each and every time. And Murphy’s tears covered his face in long salty streaks when he whispered how he thought about killing himself afterward but he just wasn’t able to leave Connor.

“God, Murph. No….. _no.”_

He tried to be strong for his Murph, his brother needed him to be his rock. But the more Murphy said, the more Connor lost that battle. The more Murphy filled in the blanks, the more Connor crumbled inside. With each whispered admission, Connor’s heart broke just a bit more as the reality of the situation and extent of the abuse became too much to bear. And when he realized just how close he came to losing his Murph forever, when he could no longer deny how desperate and broken Murphy had been, Connor’s own pain flared until it consumed him, his tears breaking free as his brother’s voice cracked with emotion.

“I couldn’t stop him, Conn. I tried but…..” Murphy’s voice trailed off as he looked down in shame, his face contorting from the helplessness he still felt to this day. Murphy’s hair hid his eyes from his lover’s concern as he again whispered the words Connor could barely stand hearing, the words that made Connor want to curl up in a ball and cry forever. “He raped me.”

Connor felt a burning rage in his gut, a need for blood, a desire for vengeance. That priest had to pay for what he did to his brother, retaliation was called for, and if not for the fact that Murphy needed him more than Connor needed revenge, that priest would be six feet under.

It was strange for Murphy to say the word “rape” when referring to himself but at the same time, it was oddly liberating. It hurt so fucking bad, more than Murphy ever thought possible, but it also felt like the weight of the world was lifted from his shoulders. He suddenly felt stronger, as if he could face what happened and not be destroyed by it. Murphy took back control and he reclaimed his life with his softly whispered admission. He knew he’d never get over what happened…..but he would get through it. And with Connor’s love, Murphy felt like he might actually be okay again one day.

Connor watched his brother closely as his own lip quivered and tears covered his face, his heartache replacing his need for reprisal as Murphy quietly spoke with a pained voice. Every fear Connor had was now confirmed, every nightmare a reality and every plea to God unanswered. Hope was completely lost. His Murph had been….. _raped._

How could Connor not have known what was going on? How could he not have seen how shattered Murphy had become? It didn’t matter that Murphy hid the attacks…..Connor should have known. What the fuck was he doing while his brother was being violated?

The clues were all there, they were right in front of his face the entire time and all the pieces of the puzzle now made sense. The strange bruises, the failing grades, the quiet clinginess, the night terrors…..holy fucking hell, the finger marks on Murphy’s neck. Jesus Christ, that fucker had choked Murphy.

At the time, Murphy explained away those marks as overaggressive roughhousing, an errant chokehold gone wrong during a heated game with the lads from school. He had insisted he was fine, the marks were nothing, and he quietly reminded Connor how easily he bruised while carefully keeping eye contact.

As the memory haunted Connor, he shook his head in disbelief at his own actions, his own naiveté. Why the fuck had he believed that lame story? It didn’t matter that Murphy didn’t stare at his feet with his tell-tale _‘lying to Connor’_ sign…..Connor should have known better, he should have realized it was complete bullshit and pushed for the truth. Fucking hell, they’re twins…..Connor should have felt it in his heart that something wasn’t quite right.

If he had just questioned his brother, Murphy might have confided in him and Connor would have been able to protect him from subsequent attacks. But he had failed miserably. Connor didn’t insist on answers, he didn’t push in any way…..he just said _‘okay, Murph’_ and let it be. And as a result, Connor delivered his love into the hands of the devil himself.

He was partially to blame for what happened to his Murph. He didn’t protect him like he should have; he let his twin go back to that rectory countless times. Murphy was the one person on this planet who actually mattered, he was the one man Connor wanted to be with every second of every day and Murphy was the only one he’d _ever_ love. But Connor had failed him.

“Murphy……oh God, Murph,” Connor snuffled loudly, not even realizing he spoke until his brother’s words suddenly halted and he was met with the piercing blue eyes of his twin. Murphy should despise him; he shouldn’t be looking at him like _that,_ like he loved him. He should be wishing Connor dead.

“Connor?”

That one whispered call of his name was filled with love, a love Connor didn’t deserve. Not anymore. Connor couldn’t stop crying, he could barely breathe as he remembered how scared, how _shattered,_ his brother looked when he came home from those “meetings.” Murphy never said much, he just took a long shower and went straight to bed, usually with tears in his eyes. Shit, Connor thought he was just being a baby, pouting like he sometimes did when he got in trouble but now Connor knew the horrible truth.

Murphy should hate his fucking guts.

A wave of nausea coursed through Connor’s body as he felt bile begin to rise and he clamped his hand over his mouth and ran from the room, leaving his brother to stand alone in the kitchen dumbfounded.

Murphy wasn’t sure what happened…..one minute he was spilling his guts and the next Connor was running away. He was usually the one who ran, not Connor. But maybe Connor couldn’t look at him anymore, now that he realized just how dirty and damaged Murphy really was. Now that he knew the truth of what happened, maybe Connor would never look at him again.

He took a slow step toward the back door, thinking he should just leave so Connor wouldn’t have to see him when he came back downstairs. Maybe it was better that way, to just leave.

But then Murphy thought of the last time he ran from his brother, when he was certain Connor was breaking up with him. Murphy had been wrong to leave then…..maybe he was wrong now.

His mind replayed their relationship in the blink of an eye, remembering every look, every touch and every softly whispered word Connor spoke. They were in love, there was absolutely no doubt whatsoever, and Murphy sure as fuck wouldn’t let his own insecurities drive him from his lover…..not ever again. He meant that promise he made to Connor on the blanket in the field, the pledge to not run from him. And he wasn’t going to break that promise now.

Connor wasn’t disgusted by the sight of Murphy…..he was sick by what he heard, by what he knew happened, not by what he saw. And right now, Connor was overwhelmed, he was hurting. Connor needed him.

Murphy took the steps two at a time in his haste to get to his love, the sound of Connor retching filling his ears when he reached the second floor. Murphy burst into their bathroom without knocking, pausing only long enough to take in the sight of his brother on his knees with his head in the toilet. Connor’s knuckles were bone white as he clutched the porcelain in a death grip, his body shaking with mournful, echoing sobs as he cried with all his heart. It was the worst sound Murphy ever heard. 

“Connor,” Murphy called out to his twin, hoping the sound of his voice would help in some way. He closed the distance between them and dropped to his knees, ignoring the sudden jolt of pain the floor caused, and he wrapped his arms around his brother’s body and pulled him close.

“Conn, I’m here.”

Murphy held tight to his love…..there was no fucking way he’d let Connor go, not now and not ever. Tears filled his eyes as his brother’s body shook with emotion, both their hearts breaking for the other. Connor reached one arm up and he grasped Murphy’s head, his fingers clawing at his scalp as he tried to pull his baby brother closer, desperate for the comfort his presence provided.

Murphy pressed his mouth against Connor’s ear, just like Connor had done countless times to him, and he whispered how much he loved Connor as his boyfriend’s cries continued. Murphy rocked him, feeling his brother’s agony permeate through to his soul, and together they cried for the loss of Murphy’s innocence.

He understood the pain Connor was feeling, it wasn’t anything new to Murphy…..pain had been his constant companion since he was sixteen. But for Connor, that pain was fresh, almost as if Murphy’s attack had happened just yesterday instead of two years ago.

Once the loud sobs were finally replaced with soft snuffling sounds, Murphy reached up, flushed the toilet and let Connor’s sickness be swept away. He pulled at his brother and with great difficulty, he raised Connor to his feet and sat him on the edge of the tub.

Connor closed his eyes as tight as he could but he couldn’t shut out the ghastly images flashing in his mind, they wouldn’t fucking stop…..until he felt Murphy wiping at his face, his touch as gentle as his voice, his concern that of a lover.

“Conn…..I’m right here.”

The terrible images melted away when Connor opened his eyes and he studied the beautiful face in front of him. Murphy tried to smile but it was obvious he had been crying along with his twin; his face was just as wet as Connor’s.

They wiped at each other’s cheeks in an attempt to obliterate the pain of the moment, their fingers stroking gently as they stared into matching blue orbs. Connor was still shaking and his lips pressed together with his efforts to control that which could not be controlled.

Murphy kissed his forehead and reached for a washcloth, quickly wetting it with cool water before kneeling between his boyfriend’s thighs. He reached for Connor’s face but Connor took him by the wrist and stopped his motion.

“Let me take care of you, Connor.” Murphy’s voice held determination while at the same time, his eyes were pleading. Whether Connor liked it or not, he needed Murphy to be the strong one right now, Connor needed to let himself be cared for by someone who loved him.

Connor blinked back his tears and he slowly nodded, releasing his brother’s wrist with a soft sigh of consent. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be, this wasn’t what Connor expected to happen. He had played this worst case scenario in his head for weeks, envisioning Murphy telling him his terrible truth, but their resulting roles were now reversed. Murphy was the one who should need comforting, he was the one truly traumatized.

But right now, Murphy was the strong one. This day, Murphy was the protective caretaker. Today…..Murphy did the comforting.

Murphy wiped his brother’s face with the love and care of a man deeply in love, brushing away the fresh tears before rinsing the washcloth and starting again. He pet Connor’s hair and stroked his cheek before lowering his head to press his lips to the back of Connor’s hands, covering them with gentle kisses.

Murphy wished he could have gone his whole life without telling Connor what happened, it would have been less painful for his brother…..but their love never would have survived. That secret would have contaminated everything in Murphy’s life, including their relationship. That darkness had to be brought into the light or it would have consumed them whole. He just wished he could have spared Connor in some way.

“I’m sorry, Murph. I’m so fucking sorry.”

His brother’s words confused Murphy, he didn’t understand why Connor was apologizing. Connor was the one who helped him survive the past, he was the only person to love him unconditionally and in Connor, Murphy found a love worth dying for.

Murphy furrowed his brow as he looked into Connor’s eyes for some sort of answer but only found guilt reflected back. Murphy’s eyes softened as he shook his head…..there was no reason for Connor to feel guilty, none at all.

“It’s my fault, Murph. You were acting so different. You’re my brother. I…..I should have known.”

Connor wasn’t to blame, not in the least. He was placing responsibility squarely on his own shoulders…..right where it didn’t belong. And Murphy could see that this misplaced accountability was tearing his boyfriend apart.

“There’s no way you could have known what was happening, Connor. I fed you excuses I knew you’d believe in order to hide it. I put up a wall and shut you out. It’s not your fault.”

Connor shook his head, not believing his brother for one minute as tears began to cloud his vision. “Yes, it is. I didn’t protect you, I didn’t stop it. It’s my fucking fault, Murph.”

Murphy inched closer to his lover and he took his brother’s hands into his, squeezing gently, his thumbs softly stroking. Come hell or high water, Murphy would find a way to get through to his twin. He waited for Connor to regain control and once he did, Murphy quietly began.

“Connor…..let me ask you a question. Do you think any of what happened is my fault? Am I to blame at all?”

Connor’s eyes widened in horror and he shook his head rapidly from side to side, his voice strong and his words emphatic. “My God, Murph. No. It’s not your fault. Not at all. Why would you think that?”

Murphy shrugged, his voice a complete contrast to his brothers, his manner soft and gentle as he explained. “I used to think it was my fault. Just like I thought I’d never be happy again. Or have the man I was in love with love me back. But Connor…..I was wrong. I’m so fucking happy right now and it’s because we’re in love. Don’t you see? You didn’t condemn me…..you _saved_ me.”

Murphy paused to kiss first one hand of Connor’s and then the other, his eyes full of love and adoration…..the same love and adoration Connor had seen since birth.

“Connor, I know what happened is not my fault. _I know._ Just like I know it’s not yours, either. The only person to blame is Father O’Shea. Not you……not me. Just _him.”_

Connor nodded in understanding and total agreement. Murphy was right. There was only one person on this planet that was to blame…..only one. Connor relaxed for the first time since their conversation began in the kitchen an hour earlier, finally feeling like he could breathe again even though he still felt the burning need to eviscerate that priest and make that fucker pay. But that could wait…..for now.

“Come on,” Murphy gave him a quick kiss and pulled on his hand, coaxing his boyfriend to his feet and leading him from the bathroom. He wasn’t done taking care of his love…..Connor had cried buckets of tears and he’d gotten sick as well; he needed fluids. “I want some of that lemonade you made. Okay?”

It was so obvious Murphy was working him but Connor didn’t care. On the contrary, he rather liked it. His twin was cute as fuck when he was like this, acting all innocent while trying to get his way when deep down Murphy just wanted Connor to drink something.

When they entered the kitchen, Murphy insisted Connor sit at the table while he put fresh ice in their glasses and poured their drinks. Connor watched his younger half with rapt attention, studying every movement, returning every smile. Jesus, Murphy was amazing…..he was so fucking strong and Connor felt his heart surge with pride.

Connor still felt his need for vengeance but he had no idea how to channel it. Should he kill Father O’Shea? Or should he encourage Murphy to seek his own form of justice? Connor wanted to make that fucker pay for what he did but at the same time, he didn’t quite know how to do that, he had no plan. All he knew was, right now his primary focus had to be Murphy and only Murphy.

Murphy pecked at Connor’s lips as he handed him a glass before turning to get the fruit from the counter. Connor drained his glass in record time, not realizing how incredibly thirsty he was, and Murphy laughed quietly when he returned to the table a moment later, softly admonishing his brother to pace himself before refilling his lover’s drink.

Together they ate the fruit, both dancing around the subject from the hour earlier until Connor placed his hand gently on top of his brother’s and stroked his skin, knowing Murphy still had more to say. Their conversation was a gentle give and take until Murphy began to open up about what happened to him two years prior, once again filling in more of the blank spots.

Connor knew he might never hear all the sordid details but he sure as shit would listen to whatever Murphy needed to say, no matter how much it ripped his heart out. They cried as they held hands and when Murphy took a shuddering deep breath at the mention of the word “rape,” Connor whispered once again how much he loved him.

Murphy whispered back his words of love before they settled into a comfortable silence, their hands in constant contact and their fingers playing. After a few moments, Connor asked the inevitable question Murphy knew was coming. “Are you gonna tell Ma what happened?”

Murphy loudly scoffed and shook his head, looking down at the scratch in the kitchen table, his free hand moving to trace along the defect. “Are you fucking crazy? She hates me enough.”

Connor knew how much their ma hurt Murphy over the years, how mean and unforgiving she could be. His blood boiled when he thought about how badly she treated him but still….. “She doesn’t hate you, Murph.”

Murphy seemed to think about it for a minute as he chewed on his lip, finally responding with a shaky voice, “Well she sure as shit doesn’t _like_ me, Connor.”

“No…..I suppose not,” Connor reluctantly conceded. It certainly seemed like their ma didn’t like Murphy sometimes, that much was true. Connor wasn’t sure why, though. Murphy was her child…..she should not only love her son, she should like him as well. Murphy was the best person Connor knew and if it was because Murphy was gay…..then that was fucking bullshit. And maybe she needed to be told her other son was gay as well.

“Look Connor, I just can’t handle her shit right now, okay? I know she’s trying but…..I just…..I just _can’t.”_

Connor squeezed Murphy’s hand and shook it slightly to focus his attention, knowing his brother had more than enough on his plate right now. “It’s okay. I don’t blame you one bit. I just wish I could make the pain stop.”

Murphy shifted in his seat as he looked up from the table, his eyes locking onto Connor’s and finding complete understanding in those blue depths. “Maybe one day I’ll tell her what happened…..what Father O’Shea did to me. Just…..not yet.”

At that exact moment, Connor’s stomach chose to make its presence known and a loud growl practically echoed in the room. The twins laughed as one, their voices overlapping with the much needed laugh as the tension in the room lifted like fog in the early morning sun. Shit, it felt so fucking good to laugh.

“That fruit did nothing for me, Murph. How about we walk to town for a bite to eat?”

“You buying?”

Connor smirked and raised his eyebrow, leaning forward to speak in a conspiratorial whisper. It really didn’t matter who bought…..they always pooled their money as one. But still, it was sometimes fun to just take his boyfriend out to eat.

“Only if you get my shirt and shoes for me.”

Murphy smiled and instantly stood, his fingers dragging across Connor’s skin as he released his hand and took off like a shot for the stairs. It sounded stupid but picking out Connor’s shirt felt like an affirmation of their relationship, it was something a boyfriend would do…..which is exactly what Murphy was.

Connor listened to his brother’s footsteps travel up the stairs and into their room, knowing exactly where Murphy was by the creak in the floorboards. He took a deep breath before walking slowly to the backdoor, pausing only to gather his thoughts before pushing the door open ever so slightly.

“How much did you hear?”

He really didn’t need to ask that question; he could tell by the woman’s facial expression that she had heard the word “rape.” He wished he could spare her feelings and the condemnation she would surely heap upon herself but right now, his one and only concern was with his Murph. Everyone else was irrelevant, even their mother.

“You take your brother to town, Connor. Get yourselves something to eat.”

With the slightest nod of his head, Connor closed the screen door and left his mother to stand alone with her thoughts in the shadows on the porch. He’d take Murphy through the front door; he’d shield his twin from any further emotional upheaval their mother might cause. Once again, Connor would be the protector.

Murphy broke into the widest grin when he saw Connor standing at the foot of the stairs, his foot tapping nervously on the hardwood floor. He loved seeing Connor waiting for him, even if it was just to go to town, and he practically threw himself down the stairs in his haste.

He watched Connor put on the garment he picked out, the sky blue shirt that matched his eyes, and the soft cotton stretched tight across his chest, accentuating every taut muscle. If Connor wasn’t so hungry, Murphy would suggest they stop off at the field first. Or go back up to Connor’s bed. Or just do it right here on the stairs.

Connor didn’t need any of their twin mojo to know what his boyfriend was thinking, it was obvious in the way Murphy’s eyes studied him. But with their mother hovering close by, Connor couldn’t even chance a kiss, let alone anything more.

They walked down the street side by side, Connor glancing only once over his shoulder to see their mother silently watching her boys. For some reason, the look on her face scared him; she didn’t seem to know they were a couple but still…..that look was a bit disturbing.

Connor tucked that thought into the deep recess of his mind, instead focusing on his boyfriend who was walking in perfect synchronicity next to him. He was so fucking proud to belong to this man. They were due to graduate in a few days and Connor wanted to talk to his brother about their future. He’d been thinking about America quite a bit lately.....ever since Murphy’s dream, really.

If they were to have any kind of life together, they’d need to move away and get a fresh start. Everyone knew them here, everyone watched them like a hawk and if they stayed, one day everyone would find out about them. Every time they made love, every time they kissed…..shit, every time they held hands they took a risk. At least in America they might have a chance, a future. It was definitely worth talking about.


	53. Careful

“So what do you think?”

Murphy shrugged his shoulders in response to his brother’s question as he dipped a couple of fries into a puddle of ketchup and swirled them around, his eyes purposefully avoiding Connor’s eager stare. He hated when his twin was like this, all jazzed up about an idea that had no possibility of ever coming true.

At first Murphy thought Connor was teasing him about his dream, it sounded like the beginning of a joke when he asked if Murphy would miss Ireland when they moved to the states. But all too quickly Murphy realized his boyfriend was serious. Connor spoke passionately about moving, wanting nothing more than to get away from all the bullshit they were surrounded by. His face lit up when he whispered how great it would be to make love whenever the fuck they wanted and not worry about anyone. And he placed his hand on Murphy’s forearm as he told him with serious eyes and a soft touch that if they wanted to be together, _really together,_ then they had to leave. It was the only way.

Murphy knew his brother was right, if they wanted any sort of future as a couple they couldn’t stay here. He loved the idea of moving away with Connor and he’d give anything if they could leave for America this very minute, just get on a plane with only the clothes on their backs and each other. But it wasn’t that simple, no matter what Connor said.

“Well?”

Murphy lifted the fries to his mouth in an attempt to delay his answer, not wanting to hurt his lover with his lack of enthusiasm or apparent indifference…..although if truth be told, he wasn’t the least bit apathetic. Murphy was actually intrigued by Connor’s idea and he wished to God it could happen but he just didn’t see how. They had no money, no passports, no job to go to…..how could they possibly leave? And how would they survive once they got there?

Connor smirked as he watched his brother wrestle with his thoughts, knowing full fucking well all the roadblocks Murphy was erecting. It was actually quite funny to watch, mainly because when all is said and done, regardless of his questions and concerns, Connor knew his lover would be on board with his plan. Murphy might fight him a little because he was nervous and scared but deep down inside, his Murph wanted the exact same thing. And just as badly.

Connor shifted in the booth in an attempt to give his rising cock a bit more room as he watched Murphy lick his fingers for the millionth time, his pink tongue gliding over his skin in torturous slow motion. If he didn’t know better, he’d swear Murphy did that shit on purpose just to get him hard. But as he watched his oblivious twin suck on his fingertips one by one, Connor couldn’t help but chuckle…..Murph was just being Murph, that much was obvious.

His current discomfort was his own damn fault, actually; he really should have known better than to bring Murphy to The Anvil. Where food was concerned, Murphy MacManus was a creature of habit who rarely deviated from his norm. Eating at the pub meant Murphy got fries…..and fries meant the licking of fingers, which was something he did ever since they were toddlers. Connor used to smack at Murphy’s hand and tell him his licking was gross but now…..it was anything but.

Murphy licking his fingers was the sexiest fucking thing Connor ever saw. Maybe it was the pure sexual nature of that slow lick, his mind substituting his own cock for Murphy’s fingers. Or perhaps it was how much his twin enjoyed what he was doing, whether he was licking fingers or licking dick. Murphy’s tongue held the sweetest kisses imaginable but it also did the dirtiest fucking things on the planet. That tongue enslaved Connor…..it fucking _owned_ him and he thanked God every day for his brother’s oral fixation.

“I thought you were hungry,” Murphy gestured toward Connor’s untouched food, wondering why the fuck his brother wasn’t eating. He knew Connor was hungry; as a matter of fact, Connor’s growling stomach was the only reason Murphy didn’t climb all over him before they left the house. Connor should be stuffing his face right now, not staring wide eyed at him.

Murphy licked a small dab of ketchup off his thumb as he looked into his brother’s eyes, the corners of his mouth lifting into a shy smile at the look that greeted him. That look was lusty need, it was raw aching desire peppered with the discomfort of Connor’s growing erection. Fucking hell, Connor looked incredibly turned on…..they really should have stopped at the field first.

“I’m _very_ hungry,” Connor quietly responded, though not necessarily talking about the food on his plate. What Connor was hungry for was smiling back at him and biting his lip in that sexy fucking way that pushed Connor to the brink of excitement, his dick now straining painfully against his zipper. “Jesus, Murph. You get me so fucking hard.”

Murphy sometimes didn’t understand what he did that got his twin so hot and bothered. He wasn’t trying to get Connor worked up, all he did was eat some fries but Connor looked about ready to explode. Murphy squirmed a bit under the intensity of his boyfriend’s penetrating gaze as Connor slowly licked his lips, almost as if he could taste his lover from across the table.

Murphy’s voice was barely audible as he leaned forward to ensure only Connor could hear him, his words filled with amazement, his eyes filled with wonder. “I get you hard? You mean…..like…..right now?”

Connor shifted in his seat but found no relief whatsoever, his pants far too snug for what was inside. “My dick is fucking killing me,” he quietly confided, unable to pull his eyes away from the man he was in love with. “I wish I could bend you over right now and fuck you on this table, Murph.”

Murphy’s response was instantaneous and completely honest. “If we were alone, I’d let you.”

Their eyes spoke words no one else could hear, their hearts an open book only to each other as they smiled in unison at their secret love. Murphy couldn’t prevent the soft sigh that escaped his lips when Connor surprised him by reaching for his hand and gently squeezing, this intimate gesture making Murphy ache for more than a fleeting touch. He turned his hand to lace their fingers together but with a quick look around, Connor withdrew from him before any suspicion could be aroused, leaving Murphy with a sudden feeling of frustration.

It really wasn’t fair to have to hide their love…..they had to be careful no matter where they were, even at home. For just one fucking day, Murphy wanted to be a normal couple doing normal things, like holding hands during lunch. Was it too much to ask that he be able to kiss his boyfriend whenever he wanted and not give a fuck who saw?

He wondered if Connor was right, if things would be different in America. Could they really be together like they wanted? Would they be happy like in his dream? They’d still have to be careful to a certain extent, seeing as they were brothers, but they’d also have a freedom they’d never find at home. A freedom to just be two people in love…..a freedom worth pursuing.

It crushed Connor to see that look of rejection on Murphy’s face when he withdrew his hand. It was a look his twin was quick to hide but Connor still noticed the flash of pain in his eyes and the subtle change in his demeanor, as if sadness suddenly gripped his heart.

Connor felt like fucking shit, his heart ached for what Murphy was missing out on. All his life, Murphy hid his true nature…..he never once held hands in plain view, no one ever staked a public claim on him or kissed those sweet lips without caring who saw. Everything he did was secretive. But if Murphy dated any other guy, if he was with someone other than his own brother, he could do all that and more. He wouldn’t have to hide his love, Murphy could be himself and let the world see. His Murph could live a normal life.

“I love you, Connor.”

Murphy knew exactly what Connor needed without being told and those perfect words brought Connor back to his senses and shook the melancholy from his mind, his disheartened feeling driven away by the emotion those words contained. As unfair as it was to have to hide their relationship, their love was still like nothing else in the world. With each other, they found true love; a love unchanged by trauma and pain, a love to protect and cherish…..a love that would continue to grow and sustain until the end of time. In each other, they found the other half of their hearts.

Connor would give anything to kiss his love right now, he needed to feel his brother’s body heat as he held him tightly in his arms. But seeing as their uncle was watching them with critical eyes from behind the bar, Connor was forced to settle for hushed whispers and vigorous eye contact, his need for his twin amplified by their separation.

“I love you too, Murph. Don’t ever forget that.”

Murphy smiled with complete happiness, his focus solely on the man eye fucking him from across the table. He still couldn’t believe it. _Connor was his._ They belonged to each other and only each other. Their love wasn’t a dream…..it was a dream come true.

“Uncle Sibeal is watching us,” Connor warned, slightly worried his lover would forget where they were and do something reckless. “We need to be careful.”

Murphy glanced at the bar and caught his uncle’s eye, suddenly feeling as if his relationship with Connor was threatened in some way. Sibeal held his gaze and cocked his head before smiling at his nephew, confused by the challenge in the younger man’s eyes.

“I don’t fucking care anymore, Connor. Let him watch…..I’m sick of being careful.”

Murphy’s eyes darted around the room, pausing to glare at every face turned in their direction as if daring someone to say what they were doing was unnatural. Their love was the most beautiful thing Murphy had ever known and being with Connor just felt right, their relationship made perfect sense and Murphy knew, _he fucking knew,_ he’d never love anyone else. Not ever.

Connor understood every nuance of every emotion his brother felt, mainly because he felt the very same things. But Murphy was stubbornly defending their relationship when there was no need.....their secret was still safe, no one knew anything. And Connor intended to keep it that way.

“I’m sick of being careful too. That’s why I want us to leave.”

Murphy turned his attention back to his brother as everyone else in the room faded from his consciousness. It was always the same thing…..whenever he saw Connor, it was as if no one else existed.

“Think about it, Murph. We’d be far enough away that we wouldn’t have to worry anymore. I could be your fucking boyfriend and not be afraid to kiss you, or hold your hand or…..or just be with you. We’d be free to love each other like we want.”

Connor’s excitement was contagious as he talked about living together and having time to explore each other without fear of interruption or discovery. He wanted to find out new things about his Murph, things no one else knew, things only a lover would be privy to. Life could be so sweet, they could be happy, if only Murphy would say yes.

Murphy felt himself being swept away into the beautiful image his twin was painting, the exact same thing he’d been dreaming about most every night. He wanted everything Connor talked about with every part of his being and he’d do anything to make his boyfriend happy. But Murphy also knew part of the reason Connor felt the need to leave was because of his protective nature and his need to keep Murphy safe.

“It’s not fair to you if we leave,” Murphy softly whispered as his twin furrowed his brow in confusion, his words confounding his other half.

“What the fuck are you going on about? How is leaving with you unfair to me?”

Murphy dropped his head and steadied himself for the argument Connor would surely bring forth. It was so obvious to Murphy what was going on. Connor didn’t have anything to run away from…..but Murphy did. It was Murphy who had the crazy stalker ex-boyfriend. Murphy was the one with the abusive history and it was Murphy, not Connor, who had issues with their mother…..issues so severe that she could barely stand to look at him sometimes.

“I’m the one with all the fucking baggage, Connor. It’s not fair to make you leave home just because of me and all my shit.” Connor opened his mouth to reply but Murphy cut him off with a dismissive, “You know it’s true.”

Murphy’s expression stayed the same but his eyes gave away his inner turmoil and reflected a pain only Connor would recognize. With only a beat of hesitation, Connor reached forward and grasped his brother’s hand firmly, not willing to let his Murph suffer alone. Connor loved this man and he needed comfort and reassurance; Murphy needed the kind of love and support only his partner could give him. Fuck anyone who didn’t like it or approve, fuck anyone who thought it looked “funny.” Fuck them all.

“Murphy…..my home is wherever you are. Don’t you know that? _You’re_ my home. I could live in a fucking cave and be perfectly happy as long as I have you to come home to. But we can’t stay here where everyone knows us. I want to leave so we can be together, just you and me. Getting away from all your _baggage….._ well, that’s just a fucking bonus.”

“Ma’s part of my baggage,” Murphy quietly reminded his twin, waiting for that realization to put a stop to their plans.

Connor nodded, knowing full fucking well their mother was a huge part of Murphy’s baggage. He also knew if they left, it might be years before he’d see her again. But he’d be with his Murph, the man he was in love with and the one and only person he couldn’t live without. Murphy was his future, he was all that mattered in Connor’s life and everything else paled by comparison.

Murphy’s blue eyes clouded with tears as Connor quietly explained this to him and reiterated his commitment to their love, his thumb stroking the back of Murphy’s hand in conjunction with his softly whispered words. Murphy listened to every word his boyfriend said, knowing Connor spoke the honest to God truth, and he blinked back his tears at the tenderness his brother was publicly displaying.

“So what do you think? Will you go with me to America?”

This time Murphy didn’t avoid the question, he didn’t clumsily try to hide behind ketchup covered French fries. This time Murphy let himself feel excited, he let his dream spark back to life and grow with each passing second. This time Murphy answered without hesitation.

“You make me so happy, Connor. I’ll go anywhere with you…..anywhere at all.”

Murphy spent the next twenty minutes watching Connor eat his lunch and listening to his brother’s detailed plan, smiling with pride at how analytical his boyfriend was. Connor already had the applications for their passports, all they had to do was fill them out and submit them for approval. They’d graduate in a couple days and get whatever jobs they could find to save up for their relocation. And when their passports finally arrived, they’d ask Uncle Sibeal to use his connections to get them transport on a ship bound for America.

“You want the rest of your fries, Murph?”

Murphy quietly laughed as he pushed his plate toward his brother, amused by how Connor’s stomach often stole the lighter twin’s focus. As Connor ate from his plate, Murphy studied his brother and felt an overwhelming warmth flow through him. Connor was so cute when he was this excited, he was talking a mile a minute and practically bouncing off the walls.

They caught eyes and smiled, each twin feeling the same hope for their future and an identical love in their hearts. Everything was falling into place, Connor’s plan was near flawless and things were finally going their way. They just had to be patient.

 

********

 

Where the fuck did they go? Murphy was sure he left them on their desk, right beneath his ceramic heart. He was sure of it.

He held the heart in his hand and ran his thumb over the remaining part of his brother’s name in an attempt to calm his nerves, thankful his twin was still downstairs completing their passport applications. His body shook as his eyes darted across the polished mahogany of their desk, panic forming deep in his gut when his eyes came up empty.

He needed to calm down…..just calm the fuck down and focus. The pictures of him and Connor kissing didn’t walk away on their own, he must have moved them. He took a deep breath as he retraced his actions from earlier that day, his mind going a mile a minute.

He remembered leaving them under the heart before going downstairs to tell Connor about his assault. Afterward, he came upstairs to get his brother’s shirt but he was certain he didn’t touch the pictures. If he had, he would have tucked the heart into his pocket, like he usually did before he left the house. But maybe…..maybe he just doesn’t remember putting the pictures back in the dictionary. That’s possible. He was distracted and he might have done it without thinking.

Murphy tucked the heart into his jeans before pulling the dictionary from the drawer, his hands trembling as he flipped through the pages on his way to the letter “L.” When he reached the correct page in the book, the page containing the word “love,” he stared dumbfounded at the emptiness that greeted him.

Oh my God…..where were the pictures? Connor told him not to leave them lying around, he warned him dozens of times. Where the fuck were they?


	54. Desperate

Connor’s eyes were captivated by the sight before him as he leaned his body against the doorjamb of their shared bedroom, the passport applications he held in his hand suddenly forgotten as he watched his incredibly sexy boyfriend. Murphy was on his hands and knees next to their desk, his ass high in the air as if on display just for Connor. As the dark haired twin leaned forward and reached between the wall and the desk, his back arched and his hips swayed, causing Connor to temporarily lose the ability to think.

Fucking hell, Murphy had a nice ass. Connor couldn’t get enough of it and he contemplated fucking Murphy right there on the hardwood floor like a wild animal in heat. His twin wouldn’t say no to him, that much was certain, but Murphy was so consumed with whatever he was searching for that he failed to notice his lover’s heated presence.

Murphy quietly cursed when his fingers came up empty and he sat back on his heels in defeat, his panic over the missing pictures growing second by second. He was sure they had fallen behind the desk, they should have fucking been there but nothing except dust bunnies met his probing touch. He scrambled to come up with an alternative, _any_ alternative, other than the one he feared the most. Jesus, he was fucked if their mother found the pictures.

He willed his mind not to consider that possibility as he desperately reached for straws. Maybe the pictures got mixed up with some of Connor’s shit that he left all over their desk and Murphy just missed them with his first cursory search. Or maybe the wind blew them under one of their beds and they got buried somehow. They could still turn up in their room, they could be here somewhere…..it was possible. Murphy just had to stay calm and do a thorough search; he’d look anywhere and everywhere, even in the most ridiculous places until they were found.

Connor covered his mouth to stifle his laugh when Murphy crawled toward their beds…..the little shit looked like a toddler scooting across the floor looking for a missing toy. But the amusement left his mind and confusion took hold when Murphy lifted the edge of Connor’s blanket and looked under the bed, sighing loudly when he found absolutely nothing. The crease between Connor’s eyes deepened as he furrowed his brow in total bewilderment. What the fuck was Murphy looking for?

Murphy moved toward his own bed, knowing he’d have to dig a little…..practically everything he owned was under his bed and he was desperate enough to rummage through it all. He pulled out a variety of shoes, a couple books and a number of rancid smelling socks, tossing them all to the side before discovering the headphones he had accused Connor of losing a month ago. He stared under his bed for a few moments before lying flat on his belly to reach blindly for anything his eyes might have missed but only finding the box of unused condoms he had purchased just before their first date.

That’s when Connor decided he just couldn’t take it anymore. As much as he enjoyed watching his boyfriend squirm on the floor, as entertaining as it was seeing all the treasures hidden under Murphy’s bed, Connor’s curiosity got the better of him.

“What the fuck are you looking for?”

Murphy jumped a mile and his head connected painfully with the metal bedframe as he scrambled to sit up, finally noticing his smirking twin for the first time. He dropped the condoms on the floor next to his leg and he pushed his fingers into his hair, massaging the fast-growing lump on the back of his head. “Fuck, Connor. You scared the shit out of me.”

“Sorry.” Connor took a couple tentative steps forward, prepared to spring into action and tend to his brother if need be. “You okay?”

Murphy nodded sheepishly at his brother’s concern and he glanced at the mess strewn across the floor, hoping against hope Connor wouldn’t ask any further questions but knowing damn well that he would.

“So what exactly are you looking for, Murph?” Connor asked with a slight laugh, his returning amusement with his brother’s behavior only tempered by the fact that Murphy hit his head.

“Nothing.” Murphy shrugged and did his very best wide-eyed innocent look, the one that usually bent Connor to his will. Usually his boyfriend gave in to him, Connor almost always let him get away with murder but judging by the expression on his face, this wasn’t one of those times. Connor wasn’t about to let this one go.

“It doesn’t look like nothing,” Connor pointed out with a gesture of his head toward all the shit at his feet, his toe pushing a discolored sock further away from the duo.

“Ummm…..actually, I was just looking for my sneakers.” Murphy reached for his ratty old sneakers, the ones Connor always threatened to burn, and he waved them at his brother in triumph. “See? Here they are.”

What a complete crock of shit. Connor crossed his arms over his chest as he tried to figure out why the fuck Murphy was suddenly lying to him. He paused to give his brother ample time to explain but instead of coming clean, Murphy only smiled at him and began to put the sneakers on his feet, almost as if this would convince Connor he was telling the truth.

“You need to get rid of those condoms, Murph. If Ma finds them, she’ll ask questions.”

Murphy sighed loudly…..the condoms were the least of his worries. He had intended to get rid of them a while ago but he forgot he even had them.

Connor watched his baby brother for a few moments while debating his next move. He wasn’t angry or annoyed…..truth be told, he found Murphy’s elusive behavior quite comical and he quickly decided to call Murphy out on his bullshit if for no other reason than to satisfy his own growing curiosity. He tossed the passport applications onto the bed and knelt between his boyfriend’s open legs, reaching for Murphy’s chin and gently lifting his head to look him square in the eyes.

“Don’t make me tickle the truth out of you, Murph.”

As enticing as Connor’s threat was and despite the ache to have his boyfriend run his hands all over his most sensitive areas, Murphy wasn’t about to tell his twin what he was actually looking for…..Connor would freak the fuck out if he knew. It was better to search some more first and make sure the pictures were truly missing before burdening his brother with the information. And if for some reason Murphy couldn’t find the pictures, if they were still missing after searching every nook and cranny in their room, then he’d suck it up and tell Connor the truth. But until that moment in time, Murphy vowed to stick to his lie.

“I really was just looking for my sneakers, Conn.”

Shit, Connor was in trouble…..Murphy was cute as fuck when he was working him like this. His angelic look was near perfect, the only flaw being the nervous biting of his full lower lip, and his voice held that whispery softness that got Connor hard. But it was the look of undying love Connor saw deep in those ocean blue eyes that chipped away at his resolve with every single blink, the look he knew was for him alone, the look he wanted to see for the rest of his life. God Almighty, Connor loved this man.

He released Murphy’s chin with a rub of his thumb across the stubble, grinning at the sandpaper roughness he felt against his callused finger as he quietly responded to his brother’s bullshit claim of sneaker hunting. “Okay, Murph. Whatever you say.”

It was obvious Connor knew he was lying but still Murphy clung to his falsehood, still he hid the truth. Murphy felt terrible for trying to mislead his boyfriend, Connor didn’t deserve to be lied to and he certainly didn’t do anything wrong. It was Connor who kept their love safely hidden from the very beginning, sometimes to the point of not wanting to even kiss if their ma was in the house. He’d been patient and incredibly nurturing as he waited for Murphy to profess his love and as far as Murphy was concerned, Connor was everything a man should be. But now the one thing that could unravel their relationship and ruin their future was missing. And it was all Murphy’s fault.

All he wanted to do was protect Connor from the emotional upheaval that would result once his brother knew the pictures were gone. He’d be scared…..and Murphy didn’t know how to reassure him, not about this. Connor would be furious, and rightly so. But worst of all, the thing Murphy feared the most…..Connor might actually push him away.

Connor leaned forward and without touching his brother, he gently kissed his Murph, smiling when he felt his twin relax and open his lips to entice his tongue inside. Murphy’s concern over the loss of the pictures lessened considerably with the softness of his lover’s mouth and the wetness of his kiss, his mind focusing only on the man kneeling between his thighs as their probing tongues played.

It drove Murphy nuts when Connor didn’t touch him, it felt like his skin was screaming for the lightest brush of his hand or the softest stroke of his fingers. He needed that touch, he had to have it right fucking now but at the same time, Murphy couldn’t help but wonder if Connor was holding back for some reason.

Fuck that…..Murphy wouldn’t let his boyfriend hold back. Connor told him to take what he wanted and he fucking wanted Connor. Murphy grabbed at his twin with hot hands, his fingers pressing almost painfully into Connor’s biceps before moving to wrap tightly around his shoulders to draw him closer, Connor quickly giving in to his brother’s need.

Murphy pulled Connor to the floor on top of him, right between his thighs with their groins pressed together, and Connor reached for the hem of Murphy’s shirt as they instinctively grinded against each other. Fingers squirreled beneath the cotton and teased the heated skin, tickling and lightly pinching as Murphy began to squirm and wiggle, causing each twin to shudder with the sensations this caused.

Connor kept his brother’s mouth busy as his hand roamed across Murphy’s stomach and up his side, pausing to torture his ribcage as his twin did his best not to laugh. Murphy’s hands teased back but his lover wasn’t ticklish, not like him anyway, and he quickly abandoned his tickling attempts to focus on stroking. Murphy touched and rubbed everything he could reach before settling on the perfectly rounded ass of his boyfriend, his fingers squeezing while pulling Connor’s body hard against his own.

Connor inhaled loudly as he lifted his mouth free with a slight sucking sound and he looked down at the most beautiful man he’d ever seen, his hot breath gently moving the hair on his brother’s forehead. His Murph looked incredible with his hair fanned out beneath his head and his eyes wide and blazing with hunger, his pink tongue teasing Connor as it darted out and licked his slightly swollen lips. Murphy was waiting for him to make a move, he wanted more touching and kissing, and his younger brother’s impatience was obvious in the way his fingers clenched tightly onto Connor’s ass.

“God, Connor,” Murphy quietly moaned as his shirt was pushed upward to expose his flesh, goosebumps forming as fingers once again ghosted across his ribs. He was so into Connor that he never noticed the teasing look in his brother’s eye or the way his eyebrow arched with mischief.

“Now my dear Murphy,” Connor playfully whispered as he took Murphy by his wrists and pinned them above his head with one hand, the weight of his body holding his squirming brother in place. “Are you gonna tell me what you were looking for? Or do I get to tickle it out of you?”

Murphy used to hide things from his twin on purpose, just to get Connor to run his hands over his body and tickle the truth from him…..but that was before they were dating. Things were different now and Murphy’s eyes lit up with the prospect of Connor making good on more than just his promise of tickling, his brother’s motives suddenly very clear. But as much as Murphy didn’t want to keep any more secrets, as much as it hurt to hide this from his love, he just couldn’t tell Connor what he was looking for. Not yet anyway.

“I told you, Connor. I was looking for my sneakers.”

“Yeah? Behind the desk?”

Shit, he was busted…..Connor saw more than he thought. Murphy tried to work his hands free, knowing Connor was moments away from torturing him, and his eyes pleaded with his brother for mercy.

But Connor wasn’t feeling particularly merciful at the moment, he was feeling exceedingly devilish. He fucking loved having Murphy in this position, it reminded Connor of their first date with the tie on the beach and it gave him a thrill to see the outright pleasure on his brother’s face, both then and now. He slid his free hand to Murphy’s waist and expertly unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants before pushing his jeans open in near record time.

“I know all your ticklish spots, Murph,” he quietly warned as his hand pushed into his boyfriend’s boxers. Connor’s hand paused just above the pubic hair of his twin, his fingers tickling and stroking as the pale flesh lurched beneath his touch. He fanned his fingers to reach a wider berth and Murphy bit his lip in an effort to stop his laughter but with Connor’s hand teasing such a tender area, Murphy’s resistance was futile and he quickly succumbed.

Connor smiled at the sweet sounds emanating from his baby brother, his giggles infectious as his eyes watered and his body convulsed. The way Connor touched him was torturous ecstasy and Murphy could barely breathe as Connor again asked him what he was looking for.

“Nothing,” Murphy squeaked out, wishing Connor would stop but at the same time, wanting him to continue. Connor was shocked Murphy lasted this long, usually he gave in by now, especially with Connor teasing the most ticklish spot on his lover’s body. But all Murph did was laugh louder and squirm more.

Connor couldn’t help himself and he began to laugh along with his brother, their voices overlapping and filling the room, until his fingers slowed and then finally stilled…..Murphy’s stubborn streak winning in the end. He watched as Murphy caught his breath, his face red with laughter and his eyes wild. Jesus, he looked so fucking sexy right now. Connor bent his head and gently kissed his brother’s mouth as he released his hands, the returned kiss lazy due to all that spent energy but just as sweet tasting as it always was.

When they broke their kiss, Murphy’s eyes had softened and he offered as much of a confession as he could, his voice soft and filled with a touch of fear that Connor didn’t quite understand.

“You’re right, I wasn’t looking for my sneakers. But I just can’t tell you anything else right now, okay? Please…..don’t be mad, Conn.”

Connor took a deep breath as he gauged the situation, deciding to let his lover have his secret but at the same time, he also knew eventually Murphy would tell him. Up until now, Connor had been unconcerned about whatever Murphy was hiding but now his twin looked scared…..and Connor didn’t like that shit one bit.

“I’m not mad, okay? But you tell me if you’re in trouble, Murph.”

Murphy really didn’t know how to respond, not without knowing where the pictures were, so instead he tried to allay his brother’s concern with a stroke of his arm and a whispered promise to tell him soon. Connor looked unconvinced but at this point, what could he do? He had to be patient with his stubborn Murph so he reluctantly agreed to take their passport applications to town so Murphy could continue his search.

He pecked at Murphy’s lips and gave him a reassuring smile before adding, “Just don’t wait too long to tell me what’s going on.”

Murphy nodded with relief and together they stood as Connor glanced down at his brother’s open jeans. Fucking hell…..Connor hated leaving Murphy like this, all overheated with his pants undone, but if Connor didn’t leave now, he’d spend the rest of the day making love with his twin on their bedroom floor.

As he reached the door and looked back at his love, Connor caught the crestfallen look that briefly appeared on Murphy’s face…..knowing his Murph wanted him to stay while at the same time needing him to go.

“Hey…..don’t forget. You’re my Murph.”

How did Connor always know when something was haunting him? When his fear had taken ownership of his mind and soul? It wasn’t just their twin mojo speaking to him, not anymore. Now it was something better, something that defied explanation, something that flowed freely from heart to heart. They shared not only a history but a future as well. And Murphy would do anything to protect that future.

Once Connor left, Murphy began his frantic search anew but an hour later he was no closer to finding the pictures than when he first started looking. He stood in the middle of their bedroom, dumbfounded and close to tears when he heard his brother return home.

Fucking hell, Murphy was screwed. He really thought he’d find the pictures but now he was forced to admit they weren’t just misplaced, someone had obviously taken them. And now he had to tell Connor what happened. _Fuck._

He kicked angrily at the things he had thrown on the floor during his search and his eyes settled on the box of condoms…..the condoms Connor told him not to leave lying around in case their mother saw. Which is exactly what he said about their kissing pictures.

Wait just a fucking minute…..maybe Connor took the pictures to teach him a lesson. That made sense; Connor said he was sick and tired of Murphy not listening to him. Maybe Connor has the pictures in his wallet. That had to be it. The pictures were safe with Connor.

Relief flowed through Murphy’s body as he grabbed the box of condoms and practically ran to the stairs, eager to tell his brother he figured out his little plan and he wasn’t mad at all…..Murphy just wanted the pictures back.

“Connor,” Murphy called out to his boyfriend as he headed through the living room on his way to the kitchen where his brother awaited, probably with a shit eating grin on his face. “I’ll trade you…..condoms for the pictures.”

But when Murphy rounded the corner, he wasn’t met with the familiar smirk of his brother and lover…..his Connor was nowhere to be seen. Instead Murphy came face to face with his mother.


	55. I Love Him

“Ma…..what are you doing here?”

Murphy didn’t intend for his voice to sound so loud and incensed but his shock led to the irate tone he couldn’t control. It never even occurred to him that it wasn’t Connor he heard in the kitchen, Murphy just assumed it was his lover returning home, and he took a reactive step backward in an attempt to create space between himself and the scowling woman.

He lowered his eyes to the floor when his mother shot him a look, knowing by her glare that she wasn’t about to tolerate insolence of any kind, and he tilted his hand away from his mother’s eagle eyes in an attempt to hide what he held in his sweaty palm.

Annabelle took a long drag on her freshly lit cigarette and briefly held the smoke in her lungs before curtly responding, “What am I doing here? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” Murphy shrugged and tried to quash his desire to run as he nervously chewed on his lower lip. He wanted to avoid any further confrontation so he softened his voice and honestly added, “I just thought you were Connor, s’all.”

“Is that so?” She took another puff on her cancer stick as she studied her youngest son through the smoky haze, letting him squirm and sweat a bit before her eyes focused with pinpoint precision on his hand. “Give me the condoms, Murphy.”

Hearing his mother say the word ‘condom’ was not only embarrassing, it was fucking gross. He scrunched his face in disgust as the heat of his blush spread across his cheeks and down his neck, his mother waiting patiently with an outstretched hand.

“Don’t bother trying to hide them. I can see what they are.”

Murphy stared at the floor as his fingers toyed with the box. He was so screwed…..his mind was suddenly blank and he couldn’t think of _any_ explanation, stupid or otherwise, that would explain his ownership of a box of condoms. It’s not like he could tell her the truth, how he bought them to have sex with Connor but they decided to fuck bareback instead. No, he sure as shit couldn’t say that.

“Don’t make me tell you again, young man.”

Annabelle wasn’t a woman to be trifled with and she expected obedience from her boys, her firm tone warning her youngest son not to disobey. There really was no way to avoid handing them over, his ma obviously knew what he had, and Murphy sighed quietly as he placed the box in her hand and prepared himself for the inevitable confrontation and ensuing lecture he was certain to receive.

She motioned for him to sit at the table and he quickly complied, his eyes watching her through the fringe of his shaggy hair as she stubbed out her cigarette and opened the box. She pulled out the condoms and made a quick count, her eyebrows rising dramatically as she glanced in his direction with a surprised look on her face. She counted the foil packets a second time, just to make sure they really were all there, before sighing in relief and joining him at the table.

“Who gave you these?”

What kind of question was that? Who the fuck would give him condoms? He thought about saying he stole them, just to shock the hell out of her…..but that would get him castrated. Murphy considered saying one of the lads from school gave them to him but that would lead to a ton of questions, all of which Murphy didn’t want to answer. Then it hit him; the perfect explanation was the one and only thing Murphy would never say, it was the excuse he’d never use.

“Are they Connor’s?”

Of course she’d think they were his brother’s. After all, Connor dated Katie on and off for months and it made sense he’d have condoms. But Murphy refused to use his twin like that; he’d never say they belonged to Connor, not in a million years. Murphy wouldn’t let his lover take the blame for something he owned, no matter how convenient the excuse was.

“No, Ma…..they’re not Connor’s.”

“Then where’d you get them?”

Murphy furrowed his brow and picked at his thumbnail, discarding every excuse his mind came up with before resigning himself to the fact that he truly was fucked beyond belief.

Annabelle waited while her son debated with himself, her need for the truth outweighing her fear of the answer. He was obviously struggling with what to say, or maybe what _not_ to say, and her fingers softly drummed on the box of her son’s condoms as she waited as patiently as she could. With each passing second she felt her blood pressure rise as she began to lose the battle to remain calm.

“I bought them,” Murphy quietly admitted without an ounce of shame, remembering how excited he was when he purchased them…..for him and Connor. It was only because they didn’t want anything between them, not even a thin piece of latex, that they remained unused in the box.

“You…..bought them? From where?”

Her question actually made sense, seeing how he’d hidden his sexuality, and in a strange way Murphy understood her reasoning. Most everyone in town knew he didn’t have a girlfriend; truth be told, Murphy _never_ had a girlfriend. And he sure as shit never wanted one either. But if Murphy was seen buying condoms, questions would be posed and suspicions would be roused. People would wonder. And he just wasn’t ready to have the whole town know his sexual preference, no matter how comfortable he’d become.

“I went across town. To a small store called Kroeger’s.”

She slowly nodded, her eyes not leaving his face as she studied every nuance of Murphy’s behavior. She couldn’t put her finger on it but he was different somehow, he seemed more grown up…..Murphy now had a confidence that was previously nonexistent and she couldn’t help but wonder what had caused the change. Or who.

“No one saw me, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Murphy shifted in his seat under her scrutiny, hoping she was actually worried about _him_ this one time and not just herself, when he suddenly remembered Jonathan had been at the store too. His face contorted at that memory and he looked away from his mother’s intense stare as he added in a whisper, “Except Jonathan. He was there too but he doesn’t really count.”

The tension between them was palpable as she considered his words, the momentary silence making them both fidget and squirm with discomfort. When she finally did speak, her misunderstanding of the situation was almost laughable.

“So I take it you and Jonathan are….. _friends_ again?”

Murphy recoiled in shock at her words, his mother once again presenting him with an explanation she was willing to accept. But even though Jonathan was the perfect excuse for Murphy having condoms, there was no fucking way he’d admit to that sort of lie. It felt like a betrayal of Connor and their relationship…..and Murphy would rather die than reject Connor in any way.

“Jonathan didn’t go with me to buy condoms, he just happened to be at the same store that day.” His mother’s eyes narrowed and Murphy felt the need to be clear on this subject, to leave no doubt whatsoever, and he quietly added, “I’m not seeing Jonathan, Ma. He’s my ex, not my current.”

“Oh. I see.”

They stared at each other as his words sunk in and he didn’t understand it, but he saw a quiet rage building behind her eyes, almost as if she didn’t like any of his answers. Her icy glare sent a chill through his body, he suddenly felt exposed in some strange way and he wished to God Connor was here.

“You said something about trading condoms for pictures. What pictures?”

Murphy didn’t expect that question and with a sick feeling in his gut, he wondered if it was his mother who found the pictures from their first date. He quickly dismissed that thought as ridiculous…..the pictures were safe with Connor. They had to be.

“It’s not a big deal,” Murphy tried to sound dismissive and unconcerned, as if the pictures he was talking about weren’t the best pictures he’d ever seen. His excuse sounded lame, even to his own ears, but he had to say something to explain what she heard and he mumbled with a shrug of his shoulders, “Connor has some pictures of me looking goofy and I want them back. That’s all.”

Annabelle took a deep breath and reached into the pocket of her dress, her hand pulling out something Murphy instantly recognized. His worst fear was realized when she placed the small strip of pictures on the table and silently waited for his reaction.

Murphy bit his lip and looked down toward the table, his heart warming at the sight…..Murphy loved those pictures so much, he and Connor were so beautiful together. Their love was captured on film, the kiss he shared with Connor perfect in every way, their passion obvious…..even to their mother. Despite his current predicament, Murphy couldn’t help but grin as he remembered every detail of their first date and how incredible his Connor made him feel, then and now.

But then his mother spoke and spoiled the memory with her forceful voice and insistent demand, her eyes blazing with accusation. “Explain this to me, Murphy.”

 

********

 

Two weeks. Connor couldn’t believe it, he even made the woman repeat herself just to make sure he heard correctly. Two weeks and their passports would arrive, two weeks and they could leave for America, just him and Murphy. _Two weeks._ Jesus, it was so fucking close.

Money…..they needed money if they were to start anew. He really thought they’d have more time to save, not that he was complaining, and he felt a sense of urgency that wasn’t there before. Connor stopped at every business along the way, he spoke to every manager and gathered two of every job application as he made his slow way back home. To his Murph.

Shit, he was so fucking excited. Connor couldn’t wait to see his boyfriend’s expression when he told him how smooth things were going and how perfectly everything was falling into place. This was real…..they were really going to do this.

Two weeks. It’d be here before they knew it.

 

********

 

“I love him.”

Annabelle’s fingernails dug painfully into the kitchen table in an attempt to steady her nerves as her son softly spoke those three words, her eyes darting between the pictures of her boys kissing and the face of her youngest. Her anger flared and she struggled not to lash out, either verbally or physically, but Murphy wasn’t making it easy on her.

She was hoping for a denial or one of Murphy’s infamous bullshit excuses….. _anything_ other than what he was telling her. Her eyes momentarily closed while she gathered herself and she responded indignantly, “He’s your brother, of course you love him.”

Murphy watched her closely, unsure what she expected him to say or what dark confession she wanted to hear. All he knew was, he wasn’t about to cower from her any longer. His mother saw the pictures, she knew something happened between him and Connor…..to deny it would be pointless.

“I’m _in love_ with Connor,” he quietly clarified as her eyes snapped open and met his determined gaze. Murphy almost lost his nerve when she looked at him, his ma could be fucking scary sometimes, and his eyes filled with emotional tears as the words began to tumble out. “I love him so much, Ma. He’s everything to me. Please try to understand. Connor makes me happy and I want to be with him forever. I love him, Ma. _I love him.”_

Murphy abruptly stopped himself when his mother didn’t respond; she just sat staring at him, barely blinking as he spoke. It was odd to see her like this, usually she was screaming by now and he didn’t know what to make of it. He shifted in his seat and quickly wiped at his face as his eyes fell on the pictures he no longer wanted her to see. It wasn’t that he was ashamed…..he’d never be ashamed of Connor or their love. It was because what they had was private, it was for them alone and nobody else. Those pictures didn’t belong to her and she had no right to take them, let alone see them.

“It’s your fault your brother did….. _this,”_ she hissed as she tapped a finger on the pictures, her voice full of venom and condemnation. She glanced at the photos as she shook her head, noting how tightly they held on to each other. “I don’t know how you convinced him to kiss you, Murphy…..but Connor isn’t like you. He isn’t gay.”

Murphy grimaced as she continued her angry tirade, her words cutting him like a knife, over and over and over. He could barely comprehend what she was saying…..she actually thought he tricked Connor into kissing him. He bit his lip to prevent himself from responding, the copper taste of blood hitting his tongue as his teeth broke through the skin. His mother was so fucking clueless; she’d shit herself if she ever knew it was his twin who made the first move, it was Connor who initiated their very first kiss…..not Murphy.

She again tapped her finger on the pictures for emphasis as she chastised him for sitting on Connor’s lap, calling him a tease as her eyes avoided looking directly at him. Murphy was tempted to set the record straight, to tell her Connor was as gay as he was and it wasn’t just Murphy who had fallen in love…..it was Connor too. His eyes sought out the pictures and upon seeing the face of his beloved, he knew he wouldn’t tell her.

Murphy would take all of his mother’s anger, abuse and blame if it meant saving Connor from the same type of pain and condemnation Murphy had experienced the past couple years. He’d protect his twin from any and all repercussions…..Murphy wouldn’t let her hurt his love. He’d die first.

He reached for the pictures, intending to reclaim what was rightfully his and Connor’s, but she snatched them off the table before his fingers could make contact.

“Those don’t belong to you,” he asserted with only a slight tremor in his voice, his emotions once again getting the better of him. “Give them back.”

“I love you Murphy but I can’t have you and your brother carrying on like this. I won’t stand for it.” She tucked the pictures into her pocket and shook her head, her voice still angry but quieter than before as she ignored his demand. “I want you to go upstairs and pack some clothes. You’ll stay with your uncle until I decide what to do about this.”

Murphy didn’t move, _he couldn’t._ Tears slowly ran down his cheeks in long salty streaks as his body shook…..his mother was sending him away. He was being separated from Connor, the one and only person he couldn’t live without. She couldn’t do that to him, to _them._

“No.”

Annabelle’s mouth hung open in shock, temporarily stunned into silence as she finally looked at her son for the first time since his admission. Murphy had talked back to her a million times, he’d argued and fussed over her punishments, he had slammed doors and thrown things across the room. But never had he so blatantly disobeyed her…..until now.

“What did you say?”

Murphy only hesitated long enough to rub his sleeve across his face before firmly responding, “I said no. I won’t leave without Connor.”

 

********

 

Connor wished his boyfriend was with him right fucking now, he wanted to kiss his Murph so badly. He couldn’t believe it; he actually got a job at the bookstore. And a good job, at that. It was the perfect job in every way; good pay, decent hours and the opportunity to read every book about America that was on the shelf. Holy hell…..things were really coming together now.

They’d have to celebrate. Connor still had some beer hidden away and maybe he’d surprise Murphy by taking him back to their special place in the field to make love. His brother kept hinting about wanting to go back there, although “hinting” really didn’t accurately describe what Murphy was doing. It was more like Murphy trying to work him, which Connor fucking loved.

Connor walked faster, his steps hurried as he planned their evening tryst with a huge smile on his face. He wanted to get home to his Murph as fast as possible and tell him all the good news. He wanted to kiss his boyfriend and start their celebration. Tonight would be a good night for the two of them.

Murphy would be so happy.

 

********

 

Murphy sat unmoving at the kitchen table as he listened to his mother’s heavy footsteps travel up the stairs and into his bedroom. When he stubbornly refused to do as she ordered, when he outright told her no, she took it upon herself to pack some clothes for her youngest son in anticipation of banishing him from the house.

He wiped a stray tear from his face with a shaky hand as she continued to scream at him from the second floor, thumps echoing loudly as she moved haphazardly through the mess he had left. He didn’t give a fuck what she said, she could yell all she wanted; Murphy wouldn’t leave home without Connor. His brother wouldn’t understand if he came home and Murphy was gone…..Connor would think he ran away from him again. Murphy had promised to never do that, to never leave Connor, not ever. And he wasn’t about to break the promise he made to the man he loved.

The squeaking of the screen door caught his attention and Murphy slowly turned his head toward the noise, his watery eyes falling on the concerned face of his lover. Connor…..his Connor was home.

The air left Connor’s lungs in a rush when he saw the emotional turmoil reflected on his brother’s face and the pain that clouded the sweetest blue eyes he’d ever seen. Murphy was fine when he left but obviously something happened while he was gone, something more than his brother’s inability to find whatever he had lost.

“Murph? What’s wrong?”

Murphy vaulted from the chair and flung himself into his brother’s open arms, their chests pressing together as he pulled Connor into a tight embrace and buried his face into the crook of his neck. Connor felt the steady tremble of his brother’s body and the pounding of his heart as he gently pet his lover’s hair, his tender touch calming his Murph in a way only he could do.

“It’s okay. I’m here,” Connor softly whispered into his ear, words of endearment following his words of comfort until he felt his brother begin to relax against his body. A number of loud thumps from above caused Connor’s eyes to shoot toward the ceiling in confusion and he couldn’t help but wonder why their mother was in their room. Regardless of what she was doing up there, she was obviously the crux of the problem and the reason Murphy was so upset.

“Murph…..talk to me.”

Murphy lifted his head and pulled away from his brother’s warm embrace as his hands finally relaxed their grip, his voice so soft that Connor had to strain to hear him. “She wants me to leave, Connor.”

“What? Why?”

How could Murphy explain how badly he fucked up and not make it sound like the worst thing ever? He couldn’t…..it was as bad as it seemed and there was no way to sugarcoat this or soften the blow. He had to be honest with his twin.

“Ma has the pictures. Of us kissing.”

Connor felt like he was hit by a ton of lead and it took a moment for him to realize exactly what Murphy said. They had agreed to keep the pictures hidden, to never leave them out…..shit, how the fuck did she get them? He remained calm in the face of this unforeseen circumstance as Murphy quietly explained all that transpired, from leaving the pictures on the desk to the confrontation with their mother before he finally ended with a tearful apology.

“Jesus, Murph. This is bad.”

Murphy again apologized, his words dripping with agony, but Connor quickly hushed his brother. As far as Connor was concerned, apologies were unnecessary. It was an accident and Murphy had other things on his mind when he left the pictures out, namely telling Connor about the priest…..how could Connor possibly be upset after all Murphy had been through? Considering his brother’s history, their mother finding the pictures paled by comparison and there was no way in hell Connor would let his brother feel an ounce of guilt.

“It’s okay. Shit happens,” Connor said with soft eyes and a gentle smile as he cupped the tear stained face of the man he loved. “We’ll figure something out.”

“But…..she’s packing my stuff.”

As if to emphasize Murphy’s words, another loud thump came from above, causing both twins to look skyward. There was no fucking way Connor would let Murphy leave on his own, that wasn’t an option…..Connor refused to be separated from his love for even one night. But just like his twin, Connor had no clue how to fix this.

“Stay here,” Connor said as confidently as he could, carefully keeping the fear from his voice as he released his brother’s face.

“Don’t Connor.” Murphy clung to his arm, holding Connor back almost desperately as his fingernails bit into his boyfriend’s skin. “She already hates me…..I don’t want her to hate you too.”

Those words, coupled with the look on Murphy’s face, almost killed Connor. His Murph was trying so hard to protect him and as much as Connor loved that about his boyfriend, he wasn’t about to let Murphy take the brunt of their mother’s rage. If their mother hated Murphy, then she sure as shit should hate Connor too.

“Stay here,” Connor said a bit more firmly as he softly pecked at Murphy’s lips before moving toward the stairs, only pausing long enough to ensure his brother was staying behind. Once satisfied with the situation, Connor took the stairs two at a time in his haste to confront his mother.

The noise upstairs suddenly quieted down with Connor’s entrance into their room and Murphy struggled to hear the muffled voices through the wooden floorboards but the words were nondescript. When the thumping began anew and the tone of the voices angered, Murphy moved to the staircase and slowly began to climb.

“It wasn’t like that, Ma. Murphy didn’t turn me gay. I liked boys long before I even knew what gay was.”

“I’m sure you did,” Annabelle answered dismissively as she moved to Murphy’s dresser and stuffed a couple of shirts into a duffle bag, certain Connor was only protecting his younger half.

“And just so you know, _I’m_ the one who pursued _him,”_ Connor loudly continued, his emotions flaring. “He never would have acted on his feelings first, never.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

Connor laughed out loud, finally drawing his mother’s attention away from her task at hand. He shook his head incredulously at her…..she really didn’t know her son at all. “Have you met Murph? Ma, he’s so shy and insecure. It took _forever_ for him to really trust in me and our relationship and part of that is because of you.”

“He says he’s in love with you, Connor. He’s your twin brother and he says he’s in love with you.”

“I know. And I’m in love with him. I have been for years.” His words were firm and unwavering, there was no trace of doubt or uncertainty. Connor was proud to belong to Murphy.

She took a deep breath and placed the duffle bag on Murphy’s bed, her hands gripping it tightly as her eyes drifted to the doorway and locked onto the darker twin. “One of you needs to go.”

Connor glanced over his shoulder to where his mother was staring and he caught eyes with his lover. Jesus, did Murphy ever listen to anything he said? Connor moved toward his mother and ripped the duffle bag from her hands and despite the tension in the room, he actually felt at peace. This was an easy decision.

Annabelle and Murphy watched in complete silence as Connor stuffed a few of his own shirts in with his brother’s clothes and tossed the duffel bag onto his shoulder, a look of determination on his face as he walked to where his boyfriend awaited.

“If you leave, I leave. Come on, Murph. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”


	56. Together

“Stop apologizing, Murph. I already told you, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

But he did do something wrong…..he did. It was Murphy’s fault the pictures were left on the desk instead of safely tucked into their hiding place. It was his fault their mother found them. And it was Murphy who’d been kicked out of the house, not Connor. There wasn’t anyone else to blame for any of that, no matter what Connor said.

Connor had every right to be furious with him; he should be yelling at Murphy and telling him how stupid he was. But instead of angry words, Connor only smiled and graced Murphy with a loving stroke of tender fingers down his bicep…..which Murphy didn’t understand at all. How could his boyfriend not be angry?

Murphy struggled to keep up with Connor’s quick pace, knowing full well his protective brother was on a mission to create distance between them and their irate mother. He wanted to ask where they were going and what Connor thought they should do next but at the present moment, the lighter twin was too focused on whisking him to safety for any questions. So instead, Murphy bit his lip and kept his concerns at bay while at the same time, he continued to curse himself for their predicament.

They walked in complete silence, side by side, for the next ten minutes with Murphy stealing quick glances at his lover until Connor abruptly stopped and turned to look directly at him. A small cloud of dust formed at Connor’s feet and enveloped his sneakers as his intense blue eyes locked onto his nervous boyfriend, Connor’s undying devotion apparent to his other half.

“Murphy…..you believe me, right?” Connor’s voice overflowed with sudden alarm and a pang of anxiety, almost as if the seriousness of the situation finally sank in. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Not one fucking thing.”

His Murph looked about ready to cry and all Connor wanted to do was take his boyfriend in his arms and gently kiss away the fear and self-loathing he saw beginning to surface. God, he couldn’t stand it when Murphy cried…..it fucking killed him. Without any further words, Connor took Murphy by his hand and pulled him off the dirt road, leading him through the thick brush until they broke through the trees and began to head toward the place Connor intended all along…..their special place in the field.

Murphy didn’t need to see where they were going to know where they were headed, he knew as soon as Connor touched him. It was just something he felt in his heart.

Once they reached their destination and their privacy was assured, Connor unceremoniously dropped the knapsack to the ground and turned toward his love. Murphy averted his eyes and lowered his head in an attempt to hide from his brother’s all-knowing gaze even as Connor’s fingers clung to his hand, refusing to let go.

There was no way in hell Connor would let Murphy pull away from him, not after all the terrible storms they had weathered together, not after the fucking hell Murphy had lived through…..their relationship was far too precious. The promises Connor made to his beautifully sensitive partner echoed in his head, the words more meaningful than ever before. If Murphy ran, even figuratively, Connor would find him.

Firm yet incredibly gentle fingers grasped Murphy by his chin and lifted his head, a soft sigh escaping Murphy’s lips as he looked into his brother’s eyes. What Murphy saw wasn’t blame or anger; he saw no annoyance directed his way, none at all. All he saw was Connor’s steadfast concern. All he felt was the warmth of his lover’s touch. All Murphy knew was…..Connor loved him.

Connor slid his hand to Murphy’s cheek and his thumb lazily stroked the prominent cheekbone before his fingers delved into the depths of the thick auburn hair. No one could soothe Murphy like Connor. No one else knew what to do, whether it was a look or a stroke of his hair…..no one except the love of his life. They held eyes with neither brother looking away, each twin blinking back emotional tears while at the same time quieting the unrest in the other’s heart with his mere presence.

“That’s better,” Connor whispered in relief as he fingered the silky strands of the man he loved. He could live to be one thousand years old and he’d still want to stroke his Murph’s soft hair.

The tremble in Connor’s voice and the fear reflected on his face brought even more tears to Murphy’s eyes as he now realized just how scared his brother truly was. Connor wasn’t fearful of their mother; that much was obvious in the way Connor stood up for him and their love. Leaving home didn’t strike fear in his heart either, as evidenced by where they currently were. Murphy’s eyes softened as his instincts told him exactly what petrified Connor and made his body shake with panic…..it was the thought of Murphy running away.

“I won’t leave you, Connor. Not ever.” The corresponding shake in Murphy’s voice wasn’t caused by his own fear…..he’d never be afraid as long as he was with Connor. Murphy’s tremble was caused by the purest of emotion, a love unmatched anywhere in existence and a commitment that grew stronger with each beat of his heart.

“You better not,” Connor said with a raised eyebrow and a mock challenge, leaning in for a quick press of lips once Murphy responded with the slightest of smiles. “Are you okay?”

Murphy took a shuddering breath and slowly nodded as his mind replayed what happened with their mother only an hour earlier, his eyes haunted by the deep pain she had caused them both. He renewed his heartfelt apology, Murphy’s words barely audible as his guilt began to bubble to the surface once more. “I’m so sorry you had to leave home because of me. It’s not fair and I—”

Connor interrupted his brother, his words effectively silencing his twin’s remorse with an honest and firmly spoken, _“You’re_ my home. You leave, I leave.”

It was only a fraction of a second before Murphy’s body visibly relaxed with belief and understanding, although Connor could see his lingering inner struggle, and he waited patiently for his Murph to ask the question he still needed answered.

“Connor…..why aren’t you mad at me? Ma knows about us because of me.”

Connor’s heart nearly broke at the tortured sound of his lover’s voice and he hushed his Murph with a soft explanation before any further pain could take up residence. Murphy listened carefully, nodding as he finally accepted what Connor already knew…..what happened was merely an accident and nothing more.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Besides, I think Ma already suspected something anyway,” Connor said matter-of-factly with a dismissive shrug of his shoulders as he attempted to put an end to his brother’s concerns. “The only person I’m mad at is Ma. She had no right to treat you that way or take our pictures.”

“I have the real thing,” Murphy proudly responded as he leaned harder into Connor’s hand and rubbed his head against his brother’s fingers. “You’re better than any picture.”

Strong fingers scratched at Murphy’s scalp and Connor smirked when his twin practically purred with contentment, the sound sending a jolt of excitement straight to his crotch. Murphy wasn’t even trying, but God Almighty…..he was sexy as hell.

Connor’s touch excited Murphy just as much as it ever did…..that hand created a rush of emotion that threatened to overtake the darker of the pair while at the same time, Murphy’s need for his lover’s comfort nearly brought him to his knees.

“Can you hold me for just a little bit, Connor?”

They made themselves comfortable at the base of a tree with Connor’s back resting against the tree itself and Murphy’s back resting against his partner’s chest, his body fitting snugly between Connor’s open thighs. Connor wrapped his arms around his younger half and pulled him tight to his body as he pushed his face into his lover’s hair and slowly inhaled his scent…..if it was possible, he’d hold his Murph in his arms forever and never let him go.

They watched the sun begin to set, the soft beams backlighting the clouds in spectacular reds and golds as Connor whispered into his lover’s ear. “This is all I ever want in life, Murph. Just being with you.”

 

********

 

Connor woke to feathery light fingertips slowly tracing along the tattoo on his neck, Murphy’s touch exceedingly soft and gentle in an obvious attempt to not wake his twin. It felt _so fucking good_ when Murphy touched him and Connor struggled not to moan in response to that loving stroke for fear that his boyfriend would stop.

They had talked late into the night, sharing plans for their future between gentle kisses and whispered words of love before falling asleep in each other’s arms. Which is exactly what Connor didn’t want to happen. It was far too cold to sleep outside; he wanted to sneak his Murph into a shed or a neighbor’s barn….. _anywhere_ other than sleeping out in the open in the frigid night air.

As Murphy’s fingers played, it suddenly struck Connor how comfortably warm he was. His Murph was like a furnace sometimes but even with his boyfriend draped over half his body, Connor shouldn’t be this warm…..unless Murphy covered him with their clothes from the knapsack sometime during the night. Connor’s heart swelled with realization and pride…..his Murph took care of him while he slept, probably at the expense of his own comfort and warmth.

Murphy shifted his position and exhaled softly over Connor’s face as he studied his brother’s features, committing every pore to memory. He bit his lower lip to prevent any type of laugh…..who the fuck did Connor think he was fooling? Murphy could always tell when his brother was awake; Connor’s mouth turned up slightly at the corners, just like it was doing right now, and that sexy crease between his eyes deepened with his efforts to remain unresponsive. God, Connor was such a shit sometimes…..but Murphy wouldn’t want him any other way.

As Connor continued to feign sleep, Murphy replaced fingers with lips on Connor’s tattoo and tortured his brother’s skin with wet kisses. It was all Connor could do to contain himself when Murphy licked slow patterns over his ink, his tongue alternating between long flat licks and pointed circular strokes before the open mouth kisses resumed.

Connor’s cock began its steady rise as he fought the urge to roll Murphy onto his back and pull his boyfriend’s jeans open…..but if he did that, it would end Murphy’s little game. And Connor _really_ didn’t want to end Murphy’s game.

Fingers snaked down Connor’s chest as his boyfriend sucked on his pulse point, Murphy’s slim hips beginning a slow grind against the muscular thigh wedged between his legs. Shit…..Murphy was already swollen and incredibly hard; Connor wouldn’t be able to resist him much longer.

“I love you so fucking much, Connor,” Murphy moaned into his ear, his words in short bursts as his excitement grew.

It was obvious the cat was out of the bag and Murphy knew he was awake, which was fine with Connor because he was ready to give his Murph whatever he wanted. Murphy reached between his lover’s legs and pressed the heel of his palm firmly into the hardening bulge just as Connor’s eyes fluttered open.

“Hi, Murph,” Connor whispered in a husky voice as he locked eyes with his love, his tongue licking at his suddenly dry lips. Murphy’s pupils were already blown to fucking hell, he was so turned on, and despite the cool morning air, beads of sweat formed on his brow.

“That feels amazing,” Connor growled when the hand between his thighs grinded harder and faster, his breath suddenly feeling very hot. _“You’re_ amazing.”

“Yeah?” Murphy half laughed, almost as if what Connor said shocked him.

“Fuck yeah.” Connor’s breath hitched as he lifted his hips to press himself harder into Murphy’s hand, his brother watching his face with rapt attention as together they worked his cock.

Murphy’s eyes darted to Connor’s parted lips and his gaze lingered for long torturous moments before he finally lowered his head and took ownership of Connor’s perfect pout. They closed their eyes and Connor reached for Murphy’s face, his fingers stroking his brother’s cheek in a gentle caress. His Murph tasted as sweet as ever and they smiled in unison as their tongues touched.

Kissing Connor was like heaven on earth and Murphy’s mouth nearly devoured his brother as he grinded both lips and cock against his twin. His hand grabbed at Connor’s belt, his fingers barely functioning as he frantically pulled on the leather strap until the buckle finally gave way. Cool morning air hit Connor’s skin as his jeans were unzipped and pushed open by a hot hand, Connor’s own hands tugging at his brother’s cotton shirt and ripping it from his body.

They pulled apart at the exact same moment, both twins breathing hard into each other’s face as their hands rubbed and squeezed whatever they could touch. Murphy’s eyes were wild with desire and with an intensity that matched his twin, Connor gave his Murph silent permission to do whatever the fuck he wanted.

Murphy rolled Connor away from him and onto his side, his hands pushing Connor’s jeans and boxers down his body until his tight ass was completely exposed. His t-shirt was pushed upward until Murphy was able to wiggle it free from his boyfriend’s body and Connor looked over his bare shoulder just in time to see Murphy unzip his pants and release his monster of an erection.

Good Lord…..Murphy was so fucking beautiful when he was hard. Connor never wanted anyone more in his life.

Connor watched his love take himself in hand and leisurely stroke his dick before they again caught eyes, Murphy’s skin glowing with a fresh blush as Connor waited for his brother to move into position. He wanted to tell Murphy to stop fooling around and fuck him already but his brother suddenly looked unsure of himself; Murphy’s hand stopped its pulling motion and concern replaced desire in his gentle blue eyes.

“We don’t have any lube,” Murphy quietly announced, his voice full of apprehension. “I can’t…..without lube, Connor.”

“Yes you can, Murph. Just go slow and it’ll be fine, I promise.”

“But…..it’ll hurt you,” came the whispered reply, Murphy’s voice childlike and almost too soft for Connor to hear.

“No more than it hurt you our first time. Just do like I did with you, yeah?”

Murphy chewed his lip as he considered Connor’s words…..it had hurt like a bitch when Connor fucked him in the barn using only spit but after Murphy adjusted, it was fucking incredible. And it’s not like this was Connor’s first time with a dick up his ass.....as long as Murphy was careful, Connor should be fine.

“Are you sure?”

“You’re my Murph…..I trust you.”

Murphy gently kissed his brother’s lips and then his bare shoulder, coating his fingers with saliva as Connor kicked off his remaining clothes. Connor remained on his side with his bottom leg straight beneath him and the other bent and pulled up toward his chest, his knee digging into the soft grass as his brother pushed his ass cheeks open.

Murphy carefully prepped his twin, taking extra time to stretch him as much as possible before covering his dick with a combination of precum and spit, concern still etched on the darker twin’s face even as he spread the mixture down his thick shaft toward his balls.

Murphy again pushed Connor open and spit onto his brother’s hole, rubbing the tip of his dick at his entrance before spitting again. He pushed inside, just the head at first, and once satisfied it didn’t hurt Connor too much, he pushed a bit deeper.

They held this position until Connor softly moaned that he wanted more, his voice dripping with lusty need as the musky scent of his Murph filled his nose. He reached around and replaced Murphy’s hands with his own, keeping himself spread wide and allowing his lover’s hands to shift to his hips for deeper penetration.

Murphy pulled back, spit again and pushed back inside, his dick wrapped in a hot Connor cocoon as a low moan of pleasure escaped his lips. Fucking hell…..Connor was tight. Murphy MacManus was not known for his patience but when it came to his Connor, Murphy had the patience of a saint. He somehow controlled his aching need to thrust and instead pushed painfully slow, his body covered in a slick sheen of sweat as he gave Connor ample time to adjust to his size.

His Murph felt so fucking huge but still Connor wanted more. He moaned for his lover to start moving, needing to feel every bit of Murphy deep inside him, and they began a steady rhythm until Murphy’s cock was fully embedded in his brother.

They rocked against each other with Murphy’s balls slapping loudly against Connor’s body with each hard pump of his hips. Connor was just as hard as his twin and his cock grinded into the dewy grass as his brother fucked him from above, creating the most delicious sensation.

“God, Murph,” Connor loudly moaned, his mind filled with nothing but thoughts of his Murph and how incredible his brother made him feel. “I fucking love you.”

This time those moaned words didn’t cause Murphy to stop. This time they were met with happiness, not confusion or disregard. This time Connor’s words fucking counted.

“I love you too, Connor,” Murphy responded to his love, his grunted words sending Connor into a tailspin of pure ecstasy. “More than anything.”

Connor released his ass and moved his hands to the ground for better leverage. He lifted his hips and pushed his ass up toward his twin as Murphy cursed softly in Gaelic and pumped forcefully, again driving the older twin back into the turf as they both moaned with pleasure.

Hot hands slid up Connor’s back and underneath his arms before wrapping tightly around his shoulders as Murphy spooned him, Murphy’s hips continuing to thrust as their bodies melded together into a sweaty mass. Hot breath tickled Connor’s ear in rapid pulses as his lover panted behind him, Connor’s own excitement rivaling his brother’s when Murphy dipped his head and sucked on his neck exactly where his matching tattoo was located.

The sounds Murphy made, especially when he was the aggressor, were the sexiest sounds Connor ever heard. His slight whimpers were the perfect companion to his heavy breathing and Murphy’s throaty moans grew louder with each pump of his hips, even as his lips continued to press hard against Connor’s skin.

It briefly crossed Connor’s mind that Murphy might leave a mark on his neck. They had agreed to never do that, at least not in a place that would be visible to anyone else, but Connor wasn’t about to tell his boyfriend to stop. Part of him _wanted_ Murphy to mark him; he wanted that hickey on his neck if for no other reason than to let the world know he was taken. Every part of Connor belonged to Murphy…..body, mind, heart and soul. And without a doubt, Connor knew Murphy belonged only to him.

His younger brother shifted behind him and Connor moved with his lover as one entity, Murphy’s dick skimming his prostate at a new angle and causing his body to shudder. Connor clutched at Murphy’s hands as both twins reached the brink of orgasm and tumbled over the precipice together with feral growls and moaned calls of their lover’s name, their fingers intertwined in an affectionate embrace.

Once sated, they held their position and listened to the other breathe as their bodies slowly cooled. Murphy gently kissed his lover’s shoulder and nuzzled his damp hair as Connor smiled and pulled Murphy’s hand to his lips, placing gentle kisses along his skin.

“See? I was right. You’re amazing, Murph.”

Murphy smiled and bit his lip, knowing his brother was talking about so much more than just sex. He could hardly believe how happy he was, _truly happy,_ and it was all because of the man he held in his arms…..his incredible Connor.

“Come on, let’s clean up. I have a job to go to,” Connor reluctantly said a few minutes later with a tap on his brother’s arm. With a groan, Murphy released his twin and together they cleaned themselves as best they could, using Murphy’s shirt and whatever dew they could soak up from the grass. Once dressed in clean clothes, they headed toward town together, Murphy insisting on walking his man to work.

“I wish I could kiss you goodbye,” Connor whispered once they arrived at the bookstore, his eyes reflecting an unnecessary apology as he scanned his lover’s face.

“You can make it up to me later. I want a kiss hello I’ll never forget.”

Murphy watched his lover enter the bookstore, his eyes aglow with anticipation, knowing his Connor would eagerly indulge his demand. Once Connor was gone from his sight, Murphy made his way to the coffee shop for a cheap breakfast and a quiet place to fill out all the job applications Connor got for him.

He sat at his usual window booth, although it was unusual in the sense that Murphy was alone, and he spread the paperwork out as his mind drifted to his twin. God, he wished Connor was here…..Murphy missed him so much already. He had tried to get Connor to join him but his brother put his foot down, insisting donuts were provided to the employees at the bookstore and he’d have plenty to eat. So with a soft sigh, Murphy put pen to paper and got to work as he waited for his toast and coffee.

Murphy had just started the second application when a pitcher of orange juice and a large plate of food were placed on the table, his eyes widening at the sight before him. He didn’t order any of this, and he certainly didn’t have the money to pay for it…..although it did smell incredible. He looked up at the waitress and he motioned with his finger to the plate, “You made a mistake. I didn’t order this.”

“It’s courtesy of the man at the back table,” the woman reported with a gesture over her shoulder, her body blocking Murphy’s view. She briefly hesitated when she saw the look on Murphy’s face before she gently added with a soft touch to his shoulder, “It’s bought and paid for, luv. If you don’t eat it, it’ll just go to waste.”

Once the waitress moved away, Murphy’s eyes travelled to where she had indicated, to the benefactor of the large meal before him. Murphy knew exactly who he’d see; truth be told, if he saw anyone different, he would have been shocked. Jonathan stood up from his table, threw a couple bills down and walked directly toward the wide eyed man watching him from across the diner.

“Hello, Murphy. Can I join you?”


	57. We Have Each Other

Murphy felt sick to his stomach and his eyes narrowed with suspicion as he regarded the man standing next to his table, the man he once called his current. Only now, instead of attraction, Murphy felt repulsion. Distrust replaced desire and only an aversion to this man’s touch remained. All Murphy wanted to do was tell Jonathan to fuck off but that might draw unwanted attention so instead of putting Jonathan in his place, Murphy bit his lip and held his tongue, hoping against hope his ex-boyfriend would just go away.

Jonathan didn’t flinch under the younger man’s assessment; he stood tall with a slight smile on his face and enjoyed the proximity of the wild eyed boy in the booth. With a casual wave of his hand to the empty seat across the table, he quietly asked for a second time, “Can I join you?”

“No, you can’t. But I know you will.”

A soft chuckle escaped Jonathan’s lips as his smile broadened, both men knowing it really didn’t matter what Murphy said…..Jonathan had no intention of walking away. He slid into the seat opposite Murphy and made himself comfortable, motioning to the waitress for a cup of coffee. As she poured the dark brew, Jonathan’s eyes scanned the darker twin’s face before his gaze settled on the ink on the left side of his neck, Jonathan’s eyebrows rising dramatically as his jaw muscles twitched.

“Nice tattoo, Murphy. I imagine Connor likes it very much.”

Murphy ignored the comment as the waitress wandered away, his mind instead thinking of the matching tattoo on his lover’s neck and the commitment it represented. Warmth flooded his body as he remembered the taste of Connor’s tattooed skin from earlier that morning and Murphy couldn’t help but lick his lips in response. He’d give anything to be in that field with Connor right now and he felt the sudden need to see his brother…..but Jonathan would follow him if he left. And there was no way in hell he’d lead Jonathan to where Connor worked.

“You need a shower. You’re dirty and you smell like sex,” Jonathan announced in a slightly contemptuous tone as he opened a packet of sweetener and dumped it into his cup. He reached for a spoon and stared at Murphy as he slowly stirred his coffee before taking a deep breath and adding, “Although I shouldn’t be surprised, knowing how in love you are. Connor is a very lucky man.”

Murphy braced himself and waited for Jonathan to add some type of insult or disparaging remark, fully expecting a sarcastic comment of some sort, but all the man did was blow on his coffee and take a small sip. Murphy wasn’t about to lower his guard, he spent enough time with Jonathan to know better than that, but still…..a large part of Murphy wanted to believe Jonathan was sincere with his last comment. After all, he’d been fairly intimate with this man.

“Your mother visited me last night.” Jonathan spoke just as Murphy was about to leave, his words having their desired effect and stopping Murphy before he could slide from the booth. “She begged for my help with you and Connor.”

Murphy tried not to react but he failed miserably, his eyes widening in shock and fear as his face turned pale. He instantly felt protective of Connor…..what did she say about his twin? What happened in their house, _in their relationship,_ wasn’t anybody’s business, least of all Murphy’s ex-boyfriend. Just like when Annabelle took their pictures, their ma had no fucking right to interfere.

Jonathan took a slow drink of his coffee in an effort to let Murphy stew for a moment before he finally put the younger MacManus out of his misery and filled him in on the brief visit. Annabelle had gone looking for her sons, thinking they might have sought asylum at Jonathan’s, and she left shortly after realizing neither twin was in his home. But before she left, Annabelle asked Jonathan to talk to Murphy on her behalf, wanting him to convince Murphy to stop “tempting” his brother…..which Jonathan found to be quite funny given the fact they had broken up because of Murphy’s deep love for his twin.

Murphy felt a wave of relief, his mother’s visit really wasn’t much of anything, and he shook his head at the idea of going to Jonathan for help…..his ma really didn’t know him at all, not in the least.

“Your eggs are getting cold.” Jonathan picked up the plate and motioned to the paperwork spread across the table, his head tilting and his eyes lowering to get a quick view at what Murphy was filling out. “Move your…..job applications so you can eat.”

Murphy could kick himself for being so fucking stupid. He should have hidden the papers as soon as he saw Jonathan but he’d been too stunned to react. And now it was too late. It was a foregone conclusion Jonathan saw where he was applying, he knew the businesses Murphy would soon be visiting…..he just hoped Jonathan wouldn’t cause him any problems.

Jonathan sighed loudly when Murphy failed to do as he instructed, remembering how much he both loved and despised this stubborn streak in his ex-boyfriend. “Don’t fight me on this, Murphy. _Please.”_

Murphy knew Jonathan wouldn’t give up, not this time anyway. He had that look in his eye that said he didn’t care how stubborn Murphy was, he’d outlast him. Murphy glanced at the plate Jonathan still held; the food smelled fucking incredible and Murphy was so hungry…..Connor would tell him not to be stupid, he’d tell him to stay and eat. But Murphy didn’t want to eat, not if the food came from Jonathan. He quickly decided he’d only eat what he had originally ordered. Toast. And nothing more.

Without a word, Murphy gathered his paperwork and moved it to the side, allowing Jonathan to place the plate in front of him. Jonathan poured him a glass of orange juice as Murphy stared at the overabundance of food…..not only eggs and toast but pancakes, bacon and sausage. It all looked so good and it took all of Murphy’s strength to resist, especially with his stomach so empty and growling.

“Here, I know you like jelly on your toast.” Jonathan pushed the carousel containing a variety of jelly toward the younger man, watching him with a slight smile of amusement as Murphy spun it around in search of grape. “God…..I miss you, Murphy. I miss everything about you, especially the little things. We were so good together and since you left, I’m nothing but complete shit.”

Murphy sat back and fidgeted in his seat, the jelly forgotten as his eyes looked everywhere except at his intense ex-boyfriend who was staring at him with pinpoint precision. Murphy didn’t know what to say or how to react to those seemingly heartsick words. He certainly didn’t want to encourage the man or give him any false hope but at the same time, it also felt like a manipulation of some sort…..almost as if Jonathan was trying to make him feel guilty for what happened between them.

“You need to let me go, Jonathan,” Murphy quietly answered after a moment of consideration, his tone as gentle as he could muster. Regardless of the past, Murphy didn’t want to hurt this man any more than necessary while at the same time, he struggled to be perfectly clear. “There’s someone out there for you…..it’s just not me. I belong to Connor.”

Murphy held his breath as he waited for a reaction, his eyes staring at a large coffee ring on the table. He was afraid to look Jonathan in the eye, Murphy was scared he’d still see that dark obsession reflected back. God, please…..let Jonathan accept the situation. Please, just let this end.

“I hope you know I never would have hurt you that day at the creek,” Jonathan said in a hushed tone as he leaned forward in an attempt to keep his words private. When Murphy didn’t respond, he reached out to cover Murphy’s hand with his own but Murphy pulled away before he could make contact. “I only wanted to calm you down. I never would have hurt you.”

“What?” Murphy lifted his eyes and stared incredulously at Jonathan, disbelief etched across his face at the man’s muddled memory. “You _did_ hurt me, Jonathan. Don’t you remember? You hit me.”

“Yes, I know. And I’m sorry for that,” Jonathan immediately responded with a contrite nod of his head, shocking Murphy with his apology as his eyes dropped to stare at his hands as they rested on the table. “But I was actually talking about after I hit you, when I had you pinned to the ground. You thought…..you were afraid I was going to…..you thought I was going to ra--”

“Don’t. Please, don’t,” Murphy softly whined, his voice trembling as his heart pounded painfully in his chest and a cold sweat spread across his body. He needed this conversation to fucking stop, right fucking now. He took a shuddering breath and closed his eyes as he lowered his chin to his chest, trying to calm himself, trying to stop his salty tears from falling. He was fine, what happened with that priest was years ago. He was fine.

Jesus, he needed Connor. All Murphy wanted to do was run and find his love. He’d feel better if Connor would just hold him for even one minute. But Connor was at work, trying to earn money so they could leave for America. Murphy couldn’t jeopardize that, he wouldn’t delay their future no matter how desperately scared he was. He could handle this on his own…..he could. He was fine now, just fine.

“It’s okay,” Jonathan softly whispered, his voice soothing as he rested his hand lightly on Murphy’s forearm, his thumb stroking the trembling skin before Murphy could pull away. “Take it easy, just breathe.”

“I’m fine,” Murphy lied as he opened his eyes and wiggled free from Jonathan’s grip. He didn’t want any comfort from this man; Murphy wanted Connor and only Connor. He quickly wiped at his eyes and glanced around to make sure no one was watching them before he looked back in Jonathan’s direction, his gaze full of torment and confusion. “I need to leave.”

Murphy paused one final time, hoping he’d finally see the tiniest spark of acceptance in the older man’s eyes. Murphy wasn’t quite sure what he saw though…..possibly empathy, maybe a hint of an apology but most definitely a sense of loss for what could have been. All of which made Murphy feel terrible.

“I know now you wouldn’t have hurt me…..like _that,”_ Murphy began with a slight sniff as Jonathan watched him with hopeful eyes. “I really did like you, Jonathan. That’s why I went out with you. I’m sorry I hurt you, I really am…..but I’m in love with Connor and that’s not about to change. Connor’s everything to me; he’s my past, present and future. _Connor’s my love.”_

Jonathan listened carefully to what his former current had to say, a slight tear of regret glistening in his eye as he stoically held back his emotion. “Connor is a very lucky man, Murphy. If he ever forgets how amazing you are…..”

Jonathan’s voice trailed off as Murphy bit his lip and nodded in response, the end of Jonathan’s thought unnecessary. By this point, both men were beyond words. Jonathan sighed and looked away, staring out the window and leaving Murphy with the hope that maybe….. _finally,_ Jonathan would let him go.

 

********

 

Murphy spent the next two hours dropping off job applications and asking for interviews, all without success. He supposed he didn’t look very professional; his jeans were dirty and according to Jonathan, he smelled like sex…..both of which would never get him a job. Plus he just couldn’t stop shaking.

It was the weirdest thing. One minute he thought he was fine and the next he was violently shaking, his mind dwelling on that one word Jonathan almost said in the coffee shop. Murphy never expected this type of physical reaction to bubble to the surface, he thought he had moved on, but every once in a while it was like being hit by a freight train of emotion. And he just couldn’t stop it.

He felt like a stupid fucking little baby but all Murphy wanted was his brother. Seeing his twin would help Murphy feel safe, it would make him feel better…..Connor made _everything_ better, he always did. The bookstore was just around the corner…..maybe Connor could take a break, even for just a minute or two. He wouldn’t mind if Murphy stopped by. Connor would understand.

Murphy practically ran to the bookstore and he peered through the window, cupping his hands around his eyes to see better but Connor was nowhere in sight. Damn it…..they probably have him working in the back or something, seeing as he’s new and all. Murphy thought about going in and asking for his brother but that could get Connor in trouble, so with a soft sigh of defeat, Murphy turned and slowly walked away.

It took only a moment for the dark haired twin to decide his next action. He’d go back to the field and wait for Connor’s shift to end, that’s what he’d do. And when Connor was done at the bookstore, Murphy would surprise his working man with a back rub. Or maybe a blowjob. Or maybe both.

The shaking finally stopped as Murphy focused on his Connor and all the dirty things he wanted to do to him tonight…..all the things that would make them _both_ feel good. God, he loved Connor so fucking much. All Murphy wanted in life was to make his brother happy.

Murphy made his way toward their special place in the field, his eyes glancing up at the clouds as he walked with a huge smile of anticipation on his face. His eyes were drawn to movement across the field near the tree where they had spent the previous night, his brow furrowed as he focused on a lone figure sitting in the grass.

Connor. It was Connor. But…..he should be at work, not sitting here all alone in the field. Something was wrong, Murphy could tell just by looking at his brother. He practically tripped over his feet in his effort to hurry to his boyfriend, his blood icy cold with fear.

“Conn?” Murphy quietly called his lover’s name as he knelt in front of Connor and softly placed his hand on his brother’s knee. “Connor? Are you okay?”

Connor lifted his head and did his best to smile for his Murph, although his brother easily saw through his pretense…..Connor never could hide much from his love. Shit, he didn’t want to tell Murphy what happened, he never wanted to worry his brother or see any form of disappointment or pain in those blue eyes but there was no way to fix this one.

“Yeah, I’m okay. I just fucked up, s’all.”

Murphy squeezed his knee and shifted into a sitting position, prepared to listen to Connor’s troubles no matter what they were. “I bet it’s not that bad. Tell me what happened.”

God, how should he start? How could he explain what happened and not make Murphy feel insecure? Or scared? Or both?

“Take a deep breath and start at the beginning,” Murphy prompted, his warm hand remaining a steady presence on Connor’s knee. Murphy quietly waited with the patience he possessed only in the presence of his love, his eyes tender and loving as he watched his twin. “It’s okay. Just tell me.”

Despite the current circumstance, Connor couldn’t help but smirk; he loved when Murphy took the lead. He sandwiched Murphy’s hand between his own hand and his thigh, Connor’s fingers lightly stroking as he took a deep breath and began talking…..the name _Katie_ peppered throughout his explanation.

Connor felt the immediate shift in Murphy’s emotions even as his twin did his best to remain impassive. Murphy’s eyes blinked rapidly and he bit his lip as Connor explained Katie was his training supervisor, although Connor had no idea until today that she even worked there.

“She’s your boss then?”

“Well…..no. She only does the training.”

“Oh. But she’ll be training _you,_ right?” Murphy tried not to sound jealous or hurt but he knew Katie would be all over Connor and try to weasel her way back into his life, although Murphy had no doubt she would fail. God, he hated that fucking bitch so much…..he didn’t want her anywhere near his Connor. “Are you asking my permission to work there, Connor? With _her?”_

“If I was…..would you give it?” Deep down, Connor wanted Murphy to tell him no. He didn’t want Murphy to bury his feelings or act like it didn’t bother him because Connor knew it did…..it was obvious. Besides, Connor would never give his permission if the situation were reversed, if Murphy worked with Jonathan…..no fucking way would he allow that to happen no matter how great the job was.

Murphy looked away, his eyes dropping to the grass they were sitting on as his free hand pulled a few blades from the ground, his mind contemplating Connor’s question. He twirled the greenery between his fingers before releasing it into the breeze, his mind tortured by thoughts of Katie spending time with his boyfriend. Again.

“I don’t want you working there. It’s not that I don’t trust you, because I do. And I know it’s completely selfish to tell you not to go back but….” Murphy paused as he quickly wiped at his eyes and quietly sniffed, his words filled with honesty and pain…..the kind of pain that comes from watching the love of your life with another person. “It just hurts, Connor…..every time I think of her, it fucking hurts.”

“Murph,” Connor sighed his brother’s name, his pain equal to his brother’s. If Murphy hurt, then Connor hurt…..it was as simple as that.

“I’m sorry. I can’t tell you it’s okay…..because it’s not. I don’t want you working there, Connor.....I don’t.”

“Good,” Connor whispered as he brushed the hair from his brother’s eyes, his touch gentle and sweet as his fingers caressed the face of his love. He took a deep breath and quietly confessed, “I kind of quit today, Murph.”

Murphy’s head jerked up and when he caught Connor’s eyes, he broke into a loud laugh full of amusement and relief, pride and overwhelming love. He should have known Connor would quit…..he should have known. “Really? You quit?”

“Well, I probably would have been fired anyway…..seeing as I told Katie to go fuck herself.”

Murphy laughed louder and Connor’s heart swelled, his happiness rivaling his lover’s even though the stress of having no money and no job weighed heavy on his mind. He wiped the stray tear from his boyfriend’s face as he laughingly reported, “God, Murph. I really went off on her too…..called her a fucking bitch and everything.”

“Yeah? I wish I was there for that.”

“No, I’m glad you weren’t. It got pretty ugly.”

A soft kiss followed that confession before Connor filled his brother in on all the sordid details, not wanting Murphy to be blindsided if he ran into Katie…..which was likely considering they had graduation in a couple days and they still planned on attending.

After Connor finished his story, he smiled and took Murphy by the hand and asked him about his day, eager for a change of subject. Murphy sighed and lowered his head, preparing himself to tell his brother about Jonathan. As much as he didn’t want to talk about his ex-boyfriend, as painful as it would be for Connor to hear, Murphy had promised to tell Connor everything. No more secrets.

“I saw Jonathan today.”

Initially there was no response. Connor sat silently fuming and waiting for more information before he’d track down that mother fucker and beat him senseless. He had warned that asshole to stay away from his Murph, Connor promised to make him pay if he didn’t listen. One thing Connor would never tolerate again is Jonathan in Murphy’s life.

“Did he hurt you at all?”

Murphy smiled at Connor’s protectiveness. Even after all this time, he still loved this character trait in his lover. “No, he didn’t hurt me Conn. He seemed to really listen this time. I don’t think he’ll bother me anymore, I really don’t.”

Connor made a loud scoffing sound, wishing he could believe that was true but he knew better. His Murph was easily misled, he was too trusting and naïve…..plus Connor had seen the way Jonathan looked at his brother and that kind of obsession didn’t stop overnight. No, Connor didn’t believe they were free of Jonathan. Not for one fucking moment.

“Just promise me you won’t ever be alone with him again, okay?” Connor asked as soon as Murphy had finished talking, his need for this promise non-negotiable after hearing about the interaction at the coffee shop.

“I promise,” Murphy instantly responded with a cross of his index finger over his heart and a gentle kiss of his lips. “You know, it’s too bad we can’t set Katie and Jonathan up on a date. They seem made for each other.”

Connor couldn’t help but laugh at his brother’s logic. “Yeah, except for the fact Jonathan is gay…..they’re a match made in hell.”

Murphy’s hand made its way to his mouth and his teeth gnawed on his thumbnail, the laughter of the moment suddenly gone with the uncertainty of their future. Murphy didn’t have to voice his fears, his Connor already knew them.

“Come here.” Connor took Murphy into his arms and they clung to each other for the next hour, the warmth of their bodies a comforting presence as Connor stroked his brother’s back and kissed his soft hair. “It’ll be fine, Murph. We have each other.”

Tonight he’d sneak Murphy into their barn…..they’d be plenty warm together in the hay and they could shower in the morning once their mother left for work. She’d never know they were there. Connor felt himself relaxing once again with the certainty that things would be fine. At least for tonight.


	58. Give and Take

“Check it out, Connor. I got your favorite.”

Murphy’s eyes lit up as he spoke, his lips holding the tiniest of smiles as he held up a bright red bag his twin instantly recognized, one Connor knew held the most delicious pastries in town. Fucking hell, just the thought of the delectable treats inside that bag made Connor’s mouth water with anticipation.

“Want one?”

Hell yeah, Connor wanted one…..he wanted _ten,_ if truth be told. His sweet tooth paled by comparison with Murphy’s but whenever he saw that red bag from The Sweet Shack, Connor couldn’t deny the jolt of excitement he felt. As far back as he could remember, Murphy brought him treats from that tiny little bakery nestled in the heart of downtown. And each and every time Connor felt the same thrill…..although he was certain this feeling had more to do with his lover than with the pastry itself.

Murphy smirked and held the bag just out of Connor’s reach, shaking it slightly in an attempt to tease his boyfriend as he knelt next to him in the hay. They snuck into the barn around midnight the night before and made love for hours afterward, rolling in the soft hay as they explored each other’s bodies until falling asleep just before dawn, warm and content. Murphy woke first, although it was obvious he hadn’t been awake for very long. He still had that sleepy look in his eye that Connor loved so much and he hadn’t yet put on a shirt, only his jeans covered his body.

Connor’s brow furrowed as he watched his love remove a mini-éclair from the bag, wondering when Murphy went to town and where he got the money to buy something so extravagant and unnecessary. The mini-éclairs were sold by the half-dozen and were terribly expensive. They needed to be careful with what little money they had, especially now that they were sleeping in the barn…..they just couldn’t afford to splurge on frivolous things like sweets.

“Before you stroke out, Mrs. Cooper gave me these as a thank you for doing that work around her house last week,” Murphy quietly explained, knowing exactly what concerned his brother without having to hear the words. “I forgot she was stopping by today until I saw her coming up the walk. It’s lucky I caught her before she reached the house.”

Connor nodded with a proud smile as he remembered how Murphy had worked all day in the hot sun without complaint, all because he heard the elderly widow mention she needed help in her yard. Murphy got horribly sunburned that day as well, so bad in fact Connor could barely touch him for two days, which felt like a torturous eternity for them both…..although they were quick to make up for lost time afterward. But that was his Murph, willing to put up with some pain and delayed gratification just to do something nice for a sweet old lady.

“She found another job for me to do, too. A _paid_ job.”

“That’s great, Murph. But you’re the one who did all that work last week. Why’d she give you _my_ favorite?”

“Because I wanted them for you. To make you happy,” Murphy whispered in a velvety smooth voice as he lifted the petite éclair toward his brother’s mouth and waited patiently for Connor’s lips to part. Connor’s eyes softened with the realization that his brother lied to Mrs. Cooper about his favorite dessert, Murphy telling her he preferred éclairs over cheesecake just so he could give Connor his gift.

Part of Connor wanted to protest, he wanted to chastise his brother and loudly insist Murphy eat the delicacy instead of him. But at the same time, an even larger part wanted to revel in his lover’s thoughtfulness and devotion…..no one loved him like his Murph, he made Connor feel important and special. There was an overwhelming sense of fulfillment Connor had when they were together, it was as if his life finally made sense and his heart felt like it could burst with happiness at any moment. Simply put, Connor was hopelessly in love.

Murphy bit his lip and tilted his head, his eyes wide and unblinking, almost as if he knew what was on his lover’s mind…..although given their twin mojo, that was a distinct possibility. A rush of desire coursed through Connor’s body, the same kind of rush Connor felt whenever he looked into those ocean blue eyes, no matter where they were or what they were doing. Connor released his hot breath exceedingly slow, he was completely captivated by the man staring at him and there was nothing Connor would deny him, not when Murphy looked at him in such a way.

No words were spoken, Connor merely opened his mouth and gave in to his Murph with a silent vow to share the remaining pastries. There was only a brief moment of torturous delay when Murphy’s eyes dropped to Connor’s lips before he placed the confection gently in his lover’s mouth. Connor’s wet tongue leisurely glided over Murphy’s fingers as he withdrew his hand, tasting a sweetness to rival the éclair as his younger half quietly laughed in response.

The morning sun warmed the air around them as it streamed through the slats of the barn and it created a soft glow, reminding Murphy of the twinkling lights they first made love under in this very same spot. It seemed like just yesterday when he felt Connor moving inside him for the first time, it was the most incredible experience of Murphy’s life and their lovemaking was just as beautiful now as it ever was.

Murphy smiled shyly at the memory as he lowered his eyes and licked a small droplet of chocolate off his thumb, enslaving Connor with this seemingly innocent gesture. Connor reached up and pulled a few stray pieces of straw from his brother’s dark hair, his fingers tickling the outer contours of Murphy’s ear as he pushed a large tuft of hair behind his twin’s ear.

“What are you thinking about right now?” Connor suddenly asked, needing to know what caused that beautifully intense look on his lover’s face.

“I was remembering our first time together. And how unbelievable you were,” Murphy whispered without hesitation, the memory of that night so incredibly vivid that it made him ache with need. God, he could almost feel Connor’s hot breath on his neck and his hands on his body.

 _“We_ were unbelievable,” Connor corrected, delighting in the rosy glow that spread across his brother’s face and down his neck. Connor pushed more hair behind Murphy’s ear, pausing to pet the softness as he added, “Each time is better than the last, Murph. You’re so amazing. I can’t get enough of you.”

Murphy would never get tired of hearing those words, not ever, and he leaned forward and licked at Connor’s lips. The taste of chocolate made him smile as dirty thoughts permeated his mind and took up residence, his tongue flicking into Connor’s open mouth in an attempt to taste even more.

“I have an idea,” Murphy mumbled against his brother’s mouth, the vibrations of his words sending tingles through Connor’s lips. “I think you’ll like it.”

Murphy licked twice more before pressing their mouths together in a heart pounding kiss. As much as Connor wanted to know what Murphy’s idea was, he was more focused on what his brother’s mouth was doing.

Connor moaned in response, unable to form words and unwilling to release those delicious lips…..not yet, anyway. They kissed as if they’d never kiss again, tasting the depths of each other’s mouths as their hot breath intermingled. Fucking hell, if they kept kissing like this, it wouldn’t be long before they were rolling in the hay again.

“Conn…..” Murphy exhaled his brother’s name in one long drawn out syllable as he pulled away with a hard suck of Connor’s bottom lip. It was so hard to stop when Connor kissed him like that but knowing he’d enjoy what Murphy had in mind gave Murphy the strength to pull away. “You need a bath.”

 

********

 

“I smell like a barn, right?” Connor joked from between Murphy’s open legs as his brother ran his soapy hands up his back and over his shoulders, occasionally pausing to knead the sore muscles with his slick fingers. Connor couldn’t believe how good this hot bath felt, although having Murphy in the tub behind him certainly helped.

“Not anymore. You smell like my Connor again,” Murphy answered as he cupped water into his hands and carefully rinsed his brother’s back. Connor’s head lulled forward when Murphy’s hands returned to his neck and began to work the tension from his muscles, his fingers occasionally sliding up into Connor’s clean wet hair to scratch his scalp.

“That feels so good, Murph.”

God, Connor loved it when Murphy took control like this, it was so fucking sexy. Murphy had been so shy and scared at the beginning of their relationship but he’d blossomed into a man who knew what he wanted…..and took it. It was Murph who made sure their mother was gone before leading Connor into the house and up the stairs. He’d drawn their bath and stripped Connor’s clothing from his body. And it was Murphy who lovingly washed Connor’s hair and body with a tender touch before spending extra time massaging his back.

Murphy gently kissed Connor’s wet shoulder blade as he continued to rub his brother’s neck and back, shocked at the large knots he felt. He didn’t want to say anything but Murphy was worried about his love. Usually he was able to quickly work out whatever tension and stress Connor held in his muscles but no matter how hard his fingers massaged, the knots remained.

“We haven’t taken a bath together since we were…..what? Nine or ten?”

Murphy had to think about Connor’s question before he answered, mainly because he’d taken a million baths with Connor in his fantasies and dreams. But he supposed those didn’t really count. “I think you’re right. I remember you used to let me put soap bubbles on your head.”

Connor chuckled at the memory as he lifted his head and glanced over his shoulder to catch his lover’s eye. “Only because you made the cutest face when you were doing it. Why’d we ever stop?”

“Stop what? Taking baths together?”

Connor nodded and the look in his eye made Murphy melt a bit; it was a nostalgic look for days gone by, it was a look of regret for all the times they could have done this but didn’t…..and it was a look of pure fucking desire brought on by their mere proximity to each other.

“I…..I don’t know. I still wanted to but I was too scared to ask, especially after we became teenagers,” Murphy quietly confessed with a slight shrug of his shoulders as his hands slid down Connor’s back and disappeared under the water, his movement causing ripples as his fingers stroked along his brother’s hips and thighs. “It’s probably for the best that I was such a chicken shit, though. There’s no way I could have hidden the boner I would have had.”

“You didn’t hide _any_ of your boners, Murph. I noticed,” Connor added his own confession to his lover’s, his eyes soft as he remembered how quickly Murphy got hard whenever he was around. “I guess I was chicken shit too because even back then I was in love with you. I just wish I wouldn’t have been so fucking stupid, you know?”

Murphy smiled at his brother’s words even as that familiar self-doubt began to creep into his mind once more. Murphy knew better than to question what they had, they loved each other and always would…..but he just couldn’t shut off his brain sometimes. He focused on the feel of Connor’s skin beneath his fingertips as he quietly broached the subject that plagued his thoughts.

“If I wasn’t your brother, if we met in some other way…..what would you think of me?”

Connor did his best to turn toward his brother to get a better view of his face, confused as to where this line of questioning was headed and not yet realizing his twin was again fighting one of his inner demons. Had he realized the war Murphy was currently waging, he would have immediately taken his boyfriend in his arms and soothed his worried thoughts. “What do you mean what would I think of you?”

“Would you want to go out with me?”

“What?” Connor asked with a slight laugh, his voice reflecting shock at Murphy’s softly spoken words. What kind of question was that? Of course he’d want to go out with Murph….. _of course._

“I’m serious. Say you just met me.”

“What? Right here in the tub?” Connor said with a smirk as he attempted to make a joke, thinking Murphy would laugh and it would help lighten his mood.

“Ha ha, Connor. Very funny.” Murphy abruptly withdrew his hands from his brother’s legs and he scooted backward, the water loudly splashing as he moved. Murphy knew he was overreacting but he just couldn’t help it. He needed an answer, not a joke. “You’re really a prick sometimes, you know that?”

Connor hadn’t recognized the emotion attached to his brother’s questions and he never expected Murphy to react so strongly. He didn’t mean to hurt his twin…..he loved his Murph and he’d rather chop his arm off than bring tears to his partner’s eyes. Connor waited for a tense moment to see what Murphy would do, hoping against hope his twin wouldn’t run away like he had in the past. As the water began to settle in the tub, Connor felt Murphy shift closer once more and he breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

Connor pulled his knees tight to his chest and he maneuvered his body to face the other direction, wanting to be face-to-face with his boyfriend. He displaced water with his actions but Connor didn’t give a shit if every drop ended up on the floor, Murphy was more important. Once he was turned around and facing his lover, Connor slid his feet under Murphy’s knees and straightened his legs, allowing more of their bodies to touch as he prepared to respond to his brother’s concerns.

“You listen to me Murphy. I’m completely in love with every part of you. And if we weren’t brothers and I met you at the mall, or at school or…..or _anywhere,_ I’d be all over you,” Connor honestly began, knowing his Murph needed reassurance only he could give. “I’m so fucking lucky you said yes to me. I don’t want to live one single day of my life without belonging to you, Murph. I’d chase after you until the end of time just to be with you for one minute.”

Murphy bit his lip and quietly sniffed at the heartfelt words he already knew, his head nodding as he blinked back tears and felt the unconditional love that flowed from his brother’s heart to his own. He really didn’t know how Connor put up with him sometimes…..he was just glad he did.

Connor’s hand rested on the curved edge of the tub and Murphy gingerly covered it with his own hand, his words a trembling whisper of apology as Connor laced their fingers together. “I’m sorry, Conn. I don’t know why I get so insecure sometimes.”

Connor knew why, there really was no doubt. It was because of Murphy’s painful history, it was because of how their mother treated him and how Murph was forced to hide his sexuality in his own home. And it was because of what happened to Murphy when he was 16. All of which Connor wished he could fix somehow.

But Murphy had started to heal, that much was obvious. Just a few short months ago, Murphy’s reaction would have been far more extreme, far more pained. A few months ago Murphy would have run away…..but Murphy no longer ran from Connor, he ran _to_ Connor. Smiles replaced tears, happiness resided where misery once reigned and torment was banished by hope…..hope for their future as loving life partners.

Murphy pulled himself to his knees, sliding along the tub until he was able to climb on top of his boyfriend and straddle his body. Their cocks pressed together as Connor leaned his back against the porcelain and pulled Murphy forward with cupped hands on his ass, the water making gentle waves against their bodies.

Connor burst out laughing when Murphy lifted his hand from the water and he saw the soap bubbles his brother’s palm contained. Other than their stiffening cocks rubbing together and Murphy grinding on top of him, it was like they were nine years old again and Murphy wanted to play.

“You gonna let me put bubbles on your head?” Murphy said with a lilting tease in his voice and a twinkle in his eye, asking Connor’s permission but not really needing it.

“If you want,” Connor indulgently responded with a raised eyebrow, fascinated with every nuance of his lover’s behavior.

“I want,” was the softly whispered reply.

“Then I’ll let you.” Connor remained completely still, his eyes unable to look anywhere but at the animated face of his darker half as Murphy carefully placed bubbles on his head. With a slight laugh, Murphy quickly dipped his hand into the water and added more bubbles to the wet hair before his fingers lovingly traced down the side of Connor’s face with a soapy wet touch.

“You look cute as fuck right now,” Murphy reported with childlike glee, Connor responding with a roll of his eyes in mock agitation. Murphy’s fingers traced a line over Connor’s jaw, down his neck and across his shoulder, squeezing gently as he forgot his laughter and focused on the sexy man he was straddling. “Seriously…..you’re cute as fuck, Conn.”

This time Connor did the licking as he lifted his head and sought entry into his brother’s mouth. Murphy instantly complied, parting his lips and closing his eyes as he lost himself in the taste of his twin. Murphy’s hips eagerly grinded with encouragement as warm waves lapped against their bodies and spilled over the sides of the tub, water splashing loud but unnoticed onto the tile floor. As Connor deepened the kiss, Murphy felt himself spiraling out of control, the heat of the water enflaming the heat of the moment as his cock rose to full stiffness and poked above the surface of the water.

Connor’s hands tightened on his brother’s ass before his left hand slid over to gently finger Murphy’s hole. Murphy sucked harder on Connor’s tongue as the long fingers entered him, three at once, shallow and gentle at first until Murphy arched his back and began to push against them, wanting more depth and speed. What Murphy wanted, Connor gave him. Connor’s fingers delved deeper into Murphy’s hot depths and stretched him as much as his digits would allow, pumping in and out in a steady rhythm as Murphy softly whined in his arms.

Fingernails clawed urgently at Connor’s biceps as Murphy pulled away from Connor’s mouth with a soft suck of his lips. God, Murphy loved Connor’s lips so fucking much…..he could spend hours just licking them, they were so fucking perfect.

“I want you inside me,” Murphy huskily whispered as he stared into matching blue eyes with a hunger only paralleled in the eyes of his twin, his pupils already blown to fucking hell and back. “Fuck me, Connor. Fuck me right here in the tub.”

Murphy wasn’t asking, he was demanding. And Connor would never deny his lover’s demands.

Connor leaned forward and pulled Murphy’s nipple into his mouth, sucking as hard as he could as his tongue slickened it with moisture. Teeth pulled on the hardening nub and he shifted Murphy’s body on his lap, Connor’s fingers still embedded deep inside his lover as he felt a hand slide between their bodies and grip their cocks as one.

Murphy grinded on his boyfriend’s fingers, the small waves of water turning violent as Murphy instinctively tried to connect fingers with prostate. No matter how his lover moved, Connor’s mouth remained glued to Murphy’s nipple and he lifted his eyes to study the heated face of the man he loved, sweaty desire dripping from Murphy’s hair onto Connor’s face.

Dicks were tugged on as precum leaked into the surrounding water, the heads of each strained cock bobbing like a cork in the waves. Connor slid his mouth up Murphy’s chest, his tongue licking water and sweat from his brother’s skin before his mouth attached to the untattooed side of Murphy’s neck.

“Mark me, Conn,” Murphy breathlessly moaned as his free hand grabbed Connor by his hair and pulled him tight to his neck, nearly smothering him. Murphy couldn’t explain it but there was a part of him that needed this, he had to be claimed…..even if no one knew who did the claiming. “Fucking mark me.”

Connor did Murphy’s bidding, understanding his lover’s need even if Murphy himself didn’t. Connor sucked a dark mark onto his boyfriend’s fair skin…..a love bite to match the one Murphy gave him the previous night in a corresponding location. Light kisses covered the bruised skin before steady sucking resumed, Connor wanting Murphy’s hickey to be slightly larger than his own.

Murphy squeezed their cocks harder and the feeling of that hand nearly drove Connor over the edge. Murphy’s touch was confident and firm, it was raw lust tempered with the desire to please. It was insistent while at the same time patient for what was to come. And Murphy’s touch was filled with an everlasting love that would not only withstand the test of time, it would strengthen and endure as they grew old together.

Connor’s lips released his brother’s skin the exact same moment his fingers left Murphy’s ass, their bodies moving fluidly in the bathwater as one entity as Murphy lined his pucker up with Connor’s dick. He sat himself on Connor’s cock and slowly slid downward, the water rising as Murphy’s body lowered.

“Easy, Murph,” Connor held his brother by his hips, his grip slippery in the water as he attempted to slow down his twin. Murphy was so fucking turned on, he was taking too much of Connor inside far too quickly and as much as Connor wanted to bury himself balls deep inside his Murph, the look of discomfort on his lover’s face gave him pause. “Go slow.”

Murphy listened to his brother and he lifted himself almost completely off his lover’s cock, only the head remaining inside his ass. He grabbed Connor’s shoulder in one hand and the back of his neck with the other, wetly kissing his boyfriend before slowly sliding down the thick shaft once more. Murphy paused when half of Connor’s cock filled him and his lips parted as he struggled for air…..fucking hell, Connor was huge. At first it felt like Murphy was being split in half but as he quickly adjusted to his brother’s size, it felt fucking amazing to have his Connor inside him.

Connor released Murphy’s hips, sliding one hand up his brother’s flat stomach to toy with his nipple while the other grasped his lover’s hard dick and pulled. Murphy’s fingers shifted and tightened as he lowered himself further downward with a soft grunt, his breaths in hot gasps as he took the rest of his lover into his body.

They stayed still at first with only Connor’s hand jerking in the water as he fought the urge to pump his hips. God, Murphy looked so fucking beautiful. Murphy arched his back and gave Connor not only an incredible sight but an incredible sensation between his legs as his dick pulsed with painful need inside the tight heat. Connor shifted his hips, not even realizing he’d done so until Murphy softly moaned in response to the position change.

“You okay, Murph?”

Murphy had trouble forming words once he was this excited, he was so lost in the feelings of pleasure Connor gave him that he could barely think. Murphy responded with a quick nod as he began to ride Connor’s cock, his hips rising up and down in a steady rhythm as his brother added his own moan of pleasure to the room.

Connor tried to thrust and meet his lover’s downward movement but his body had no traction in the tub, all he could do was squirm beneath his brother’s ass and pull on Murphy’s dick. Murphy’s hips rose higher and Connor’s dick came dangerously close to sliding free before the darker twin lowered his body and took Connor fully inside once more, Murphy’s pace increasing as he repeated this movement over and over and over.

Soft moans echoed off the tile walls and Connor couldn’t help but smile…..truth be told, he wasn’t sure if it was him or Murphy who made those throaty sounds. All Connor knew was, sex with Murphy felt amazing and their excited sounds only added to the intensity of the moment.

“I need to fucking thrust, Murph,” Connor moaned, desperately needing to _move_ …..he wanted to actively participate and ram his cock inside his lover, not just passively lay back. Murphy was phenomenal at riding dick and it was sexy as fuck to have him do all the work but Connor’s urge to pump his hips was all encompassing.

Murphy sat on his brother’s body with Connor’s cock deep inside his ass, all movement stopped as he waited for Connor to maneuver him into whatever position he desired. There was a give and take to their relationship that was accepted and understood without any explanation necessary. When one wanted control, the other relented. When one needed something, the other gave it. And when one came…..so did the other.

Connor took Murphy’s leg and lifted it across his chest, rotating him on his cock until Murphy’s back rested against Connor’s broad chest. Once in position, Connor threw his arms over the sides of the tub as Murphy placed the back of his knees and arms over the tub edge in a spread eagle formation, both brothers braced for optimum leverage.

Murphy lifted himself into the air and rested his body on the surface of the water, carefully keeping Connor’s dick from slipping out as he waited for his brother to pump his hips from beneath. Connor forcefully thrust upward, pushing deep into Murphy’s ass before pulling back and thrusting again even harder. Water splashed over their bodies and wet their hair as they moved together in the tub, one twin giving what the other was eager to take.

Murphy’s hard cock bounced in the air from the force of his brother’s pounding, his balls heavy with the need to cum as Connor hit his prostate at just the right angle. They grunted in unison, moaned with overlapping voices and thought only of each other as their pleasure grew exponentially.

Connor ached to tell Murphy how incredible he was, how amazing he felt when they fucked and just how much Connor loved him…..but try as he might, he was too close to orgasm to do anything but pump his hips like an animal. He felt wild and free, untamed and full of lusty passion…..all Connor could think about was cumming inside his Murph.

With a drawn out echoing moan, Connor’s balls tightened and he pushed his hips upward and filled his brother’s ass with his hot load. Murphy came at the exact same moment, his own moan just as loud as his lover’s, thick strings of jizz covering his stomach and splashing into the water. Their bodies shook as they rode out their orgasms together until Murphy collapsed on top of his boyfriend’s body, his legs and arms sliding down the edge of the tub and into the water. Connor lowered their bodies as one, wanting to keep his dick inside his Murph as long as possible as he wrapped his arms around his brother’s chest to prevent him from sliding beneath the water’s surface.

Murphy reached up and grasped Connor’s forearm in a tight grip as he struggled to catch his breath, basking in the afterglow of another amazing fuck. Connor kissed the side of his head and nuzzled his wet hair with his nose as Murphy watched his cum spread across the water.

“Looks like we need another bath, Murph.”

 

********

 

“You just gonna sit there and watch me get dressed?” Murphy said with a slight laugh as he reached for his jeans. It was stupid but he felt nervous whenever Connor watched him. He liked having Connor’s eyes on his body and it was exciting to see that look on his face but at the same time, it made Murphy sweat a little. “Seriously, Connor. Get dressed.”

Connor sat naked on his bed, his eyes roaming over his brother’s body as Murphy pulled on his jeans and zipped up with slightly shaking hands. He ignored Murphy’s command to get dressed and instead took a steadying breath as he watched Murphy pull out a green t-shirt from his dresser. “Wear your black shirt, Murph. I like how blue your eyes look when you wear black.”

Murphy bit his lip as he felt the warmth of a slight blush and he gazed at his boyfriend through the fringe of his hair. Jesus, he loved it when Connor said shit about his eyes. Murphy immediately replaced the green shirt with the black one, pulling it over his head and poking his arms through the sleeves with a flourish as Connor laughed in response.

Connor wished Murphy didn’t have to go to Mrs. Cooper’s just yet but seeing as this was a paying job, Murphy didn’t want to keep her waiting. Connor admired that sense of responsibility but at the same time, he wanted to be selfish and have Murphy all to himself for the day.

“What kind of work does Mrs. Cooper want you to do?”

“It’s not for her, actually,” Murphy mumbled as he pulled on his socks, his eyes scanning the floor for his sneakers and quickly finding them. “She’s taking me to meet a guy who wants some work done in his apartment. Painting, I think.”

“What guy?” Connor asked with narrowed eyes and a concerned mind, trying not to sound too suspicious.

“Dunno, just some guy.” Murphy shrugged as he shoved his feet into his sneakers and bent over to tie the laces, quietly explaining, “He overheard her talking about me at the bakery and he knew I was looking for work. Mrs. Cooper wants to take me to his apartment so we can talk about him hiring me.”

“Murph,” Connor sighed as he took a deep breath and shifted in his seat, not liking the sound of the situation one fucking bit. Connor’s voice didn’t hold his usual teasing tone, it didn’t reflect the excitement they’d felt earlier and he most definitely didn’t sound pleased.

Murphy lifted his head and he caught his brother’s eye, instantly knowing by the look on his protective twin’s face who he was worried about. “Stop, Connor. It’s not Jonathan, okay?”

“You don’t know that.”

Murphy chewed on his lip for a moment as he contemplated how best to respond, not wanting to start an argument over someone as inconsequential as his ex. But unfortunately Connor was right; Murphy didn’t know for certain the guy with the job wasn’t Jonathan. But at the same time, Murphy was certain it wasn’t. Jonathan accepted the situation, he moved on…..Murphy was sure his ex-boyfriend finally let him go. Connor was just overreacting. He was protective and overreacting, that’s all.

Murphy knelt before his brother and he placed his hands on Connor’s legs, his thumbs stroking the bare skin of Connor’s thighs in an attempt to calm his anxious twin. Murphy understood his boyfriend and his motivations; he knew how helpless Connor felt after he learned of Murphy’s history. All Connor wanted to do was protect him and keep him safe…..and truth be told, Murphy loved that about his partner. But some things Murphy needed to do for himself. And this was one of them.

Murphy insisted he go alone, this was a job and he didn’t need his brother there watching him paint. Besides, he was certain the guy wasn’t his ex-boyfriend; Jonathan accepted it was over, Murphy could tell. But if by some small chance it turned out to be his ex, Murphy wouldn’t forget his promise…..he wouldn’t be alone with Jonathan ever again. Murphy would simply leave.

“I’ll be okay, Connor. I promise.”

Connor reached up and he pushed his boyfriend’s dark hair from his eyes, his fingers briefly lingering in the softness before pushing a large tuft behind Murphy’s ear. Connor’s mind raced, he weighed all the possibilities and outcomes as he tried to decide what to do. Maybe Murphy was right…..maybe it wasn’t that prick. It was certainly possible. And Murphy did just fine the last time he saw Jonathan, he could handle that jerk again if he had to.

As Connor stared into those incredibly blue eyes, he realized he wouldn’t win this fight. Murphy had that look on his face that said he didn’t want to be babied and he wasn’t about to give in. In fact, his stubborn Murph was already digging his heels in, that much was obvious.

“I really don’t like this, Murph.”

“I know,” Murphy simply responded.

Connor sighed and finally relented, realizing Murphy wouldn’t really be alone with the man, no matter who he was. Mrs. Cooper would be there. And she’d never let anything happen to Murph, that much was certain.

Once Murphy was on his way, Connor quickly dressed and went to the kitchen. It was time to take care of business, enough of this fucking around. He picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number, his fingers drumming nervously as he waited for the familiar voice to answer.

“Uncle Sibeal, is my ma there?”


	59. Ma

Connor ran his hand through his spikey blonde hair as he paced with unspent energy, waiting for the woman who gave them life to return home. This conversation was a long time coming. It had been brewing for years as Connor’s anger festered and grew each time he saw that hurt and confused look on his lover’s face. His mind went over Murphy’s history with their mother at a rapid fire pace, remembering every harsh word, every glare and every severe punishment directed his brother’s way. All completely undeserved.

_I don’t want her to hate you too, Connor._

That’s what Murphy said the last time they saw their mother. Even after Murphy suffered through the humiliation of her finding their pictures, after she ruthlessly questioned him and told him to leave home, he still tried to stop Connor from confronting their ma. Murphy’s voice was full of emotion, his words a whispered plea and his eyes reflected deep concern…..but not for himself. It was for Connor, always for Connor.

It was so obvious now. How the hell did Connor miss it? All those times Murphy begged him not to rock the boat, pleaded to let him fight his own battles and insisted he was fine while deep down they both knew he wasn’t…..in some strange way, Murphy had been protecting Connor all along. He shielded Connor the only way he knew how, by taking the brunt of their mother’s anger and condemnation himself. Connor hadn’t realized at the time the sacrifice his boyfriend made, the pain he willingly accepted and suffered through….. _for him._

The ironic thing was, Connor basically did the very same thing. He protected Murphy the only way _he_ knew how…..by staying quiet. It sounded completely insane but if Connor spoke up, if he defended his brother in any way, their mother’s claws would come out and sink into the figurative flesh of his twin. History told him how much worse their mother could treat his darker sibling…..her words more cutting, her demeanor icy cold and her actions unimaginably cruel. Connor had been afraid of the abuse escalating so he remained silent. But no more.

They were men now. Men who no longer needed their mother’s approval. Men who were about to venture to a new country and a new life together. Men who were deeply in love and intent on spending every moment side by side. They were out from under her roof, possibly for good. And she couldn’t hurt his Murph if they were no longer living in her home. He wouldn’t let her. Connor’s protective nature screamed at him to defend his lover and put their mother in her place…..and that’s exactly what he intended to do.

The thump of heavy footsteps on the wooden porch tore Connor from his thoughts and his mother practically ripped the screen door from its hinges in her haste to enter the house, her face flushed with exertion and her brow beaded with perspiration. Connor didn’t expect her home so quickly and given her current state, he suspected she ran most of the way. She was breathless as she braced herself on the back of the kitchen chair, her gaze falling on her oldest son for a brief moment before quickly scanning the small room.

“Where’s your brother?”

He was surprised she asked about Murphy right off the bat and he felt his hackles rise in defense at her gruff inquiry, wanting to keep their mother as far away from his love as he could. He kept his face neutral as he motioned for her to sit, ignoring her question.

“You answer me, Connor. Where’s Murphy?”

“He’s not here.” Connor purposefully kept his voice firm and his answer vague, not wanting to give her too much information. It was none of her business where Murphy was, she lost the right to know his whereabouts the moment she kicked him out of the house.

“I can see he’s not here. Is he all right?”

The concern in her voice and her restrained demeanor piqued the young man’s curiosity and caused him to falter, but only for a moment. He hadn’t expected worry or self-control from the stout woman. On the contrary, Connor expected ferocity worthy of a woman possessed, anger to rival the hounds of hell and complete disregard for his brother’s well-being. But for some reason, Annabelle displayed none of this expected behavior…..and this puzzled the older twin.

“Murphy’s fine. I’m taking good care of him.”

“’Course ya are. I’d expect nothing less from you,” Annabelle mumbled dismissively, her formerly passive tone now tinged with what could be interpreted as demeaning. It seemed to Connor that she was praising him for being responsible while at the same time, disparaging his twin in some way.

“Actually, we’re taking good care of each other,” Connor clarified, his need to defend his boyfriend taking precedence over the need for secrecy. “Murph even took some shit job just so he could help take care of us.”

She pursed her lips and slowly nodded as her agitation grew, both mother and son shifting anxiously on their feet as they attempted to evaluate the others mindset and motivation. The tension and discomfort hung in the air and it was not only palpable, it was foreign. Never had Connor felt such things between them, such animosity, and even though he didn’t quite know how to deal with it, he actually welcomed it. This was only a fraction of what his partner experienced on a near daily basis, it was miniscule by comparison and something Connor felt he deserved in some way.

Connor never wanted to be the favored son, the twin on a pedestal or the golden child. He didn’t want any of that. Truth be told, all Connor ever wanted was to be one half of a whole, the yin to Murphy’s yang and the love of his brother’s life. And he wanted their mother to treat Murphy decently. But no matter what Connor did, no matter how hard he tried to change their mother’s perception, it was for naught. Her behavior went unchanged throughout the years and as a result, the twins had learned to adapt.

The wooden chair made a loud scraping noise as Annabelle pulled it from the table and sat down in a huff, a loud exhale escaping her lips as the questions began. Where did they sleep the last two nights, were they in any danger…..did they eat?

“We ate,” Connor responded, counting the éclairs as food even though they were nothing but pure sugar. He crossed his arms over his chest as he ignored her other questions and pushed down his anger in a fruitless attempt to remain in control, his fingers digging painfully into his skin from the effort. “Where are our pictures, Ma? I want them back.”

Just like their love, those pictures were special and they meant something. Those pictures represented their willingness to let go and trust only in each other, they reflected passion that threatened to melt the very paper they were printed on and while it wasn’t their first kiss, it was their first date…..and that made them extra special. But above and beyond all that, those pictures made his Murph happy. And _that_ made them priceless.

At first, Connor thought she’d deny taking them but after a moment of hesitation, she defiantly declared, “I burned them.”

Connor’s blood boiled in his veins as his rage flared, remembering the shattered look on Murphy’s face when he told Connor their mother took the pictures. And now the pictures weren’t just missing, they were gone; destroyed by their very own mother out of pure vindictiveness.

“You…..bitch,” Connor hissed as Annabelle’s eyebrows rose in dramatic fashion. In all his life, he’d never once called his mother a bitch. His initial inclination was to rip her a new asshole and call her something far worse, something that would certainly cause an enraged reaction or drive her from the house…..but he still had a few things to say to her first. He needed to stay in control. “Those pictures belonged to _us,_ not you. You had no fucking right to touch them.”

“They were vile, Connor.”

“No they weren’t. They were beautiful, Ma. Perfect and beautiful.....more beautiful than anything, other than my Murph.” Connor shook his head in shock at this unforeseen circumstance, wishing to God he would have been able to return those pictures to his love. “You had no fucking right.”

Annabelle chose to ignore the ‘my Murph’ comment and instead focused on her oldest son’s pain as she felt a twinge of guilt creep into her body. She wasn’t surprised by how Connor defended his brother but she was surprised by the depth of anguish the older twin shamelessly displayed and the love in his eyes he no longer hid from her view.

“I don’t know what to say,” Annabelle admitted, wondering if possibly…..just possibly, she might be wrong about this.

“Sorry would be a start.”

He stared her down, challenging her to look away and causing her to shift uncomfortably in her seat. At this exact moment, she realized her little boy was gone and in his place was a grown man. Connor was now a man intent on defending his love, his chosen one, even if that meant going up against his own mother.

“All right,” she quietly relented, terrified of forever losing one son to the other son as she seemingly accepted her blame. “I shouldn’t have burned the pictures. And for that, I am sorry Connor.”

Connor hoped she was sincere, he prayed she was, even though he still had some nagging doubt. She remained quiet as he watched her with critical eyes, the young man realizing there was nothing he could do about the pictures now that they were gone. He had to let it go.

“Why did you go to Jonathan, Ma?” Five minutes earlier she had asked if they were in any danger, which was particularly ironic considering she was the one who went to Murphy’s stalker ex-boyfriend and put him on their trail.

Annabelle didn’t hesitate to answer and her openness surprised her son as she quietly explained what Connor already knew. She’d been desperate. She went to Jonathan in the hope the twins sought asylum there but only found a heartsick man who wanted nothing more than to worm his way back into Murphy’s life. And she unwittingly gave him the opportunity.

“Jesus Christ, Ma. He’s Murphy’s ex-boyfriend.”

“I know that, Connor. That’s why I thought he could help,” she countered, thinking her reasoning made perfect sense. She furrowed her brow in confusion at Connor’s expression, not understanding why he was so upset. Until he spoke.

“Jonathan is dangerous. He attacked Murphy at the creek a couple weeks ago.”

“What?” Annabelle sat up straighter in her chair, her eyes wide with fear from the danger she had unknowingly set upon her child.

Connor stalked across the room and he grabbed a glass from the counter, filling it with water from the tap in an attempt to distract himself from that terrible memory, if only for a moment’s time. He stared out the window, blind to the natural beauty in their yard as he vividly recalled what happened to his Murph that day at the creek.

“He had Murphy pinned to the ground. Jonathan was on top of him and God knows what he would have done if I hadn’t showed up.” Connor was barely able to speak and he took a long drink of water, his body shaking with the thought of how close Murphy came to being raped by a second man. “Murph swears Jonathan wouldn’t have done….. _that._ But I saw the look on his face, Ma. And I’m not so sure he would have stopped.”

“Oh my God.”

Connor dumped the rest of his water down the drain and he carefully placed the glass in the sink before turning back to face his mother. He was so fucking mad at her and he considered driving his point home by telling her what Jonathan did in the pub, how he touched Murphy right in front of her, but the look on her face stopped him cold.

Annabelle stared at her hands as tears formed in her eyes, the color rapidly draining from her face at the abject horror she felt. She had asked for help from the very man who attacked her youngest son, the man who Connor thought was dangerous, and the heavy weight of blame caused her emotions to spike. Just like that priest, she never saw Jonathan for what he truly was…..until now. And it made her sick.

Connor waited in silence until her eyes finally rose to capture his gaze, her normally hard exterior showing emotional cracks. He briefly took pity on her, knowing she didn’t realize until now just how obsessed and deranged Jonathan was. But that pity was fleeting when he thought of all the times she hurt his Murph and he broke the silence in the room with his non-negotiable words.

“I have a few things to tell you and I want you to stay quiet until I’m done.”

She folded her hands on the table as her lips formed a thin line on her face, surprising her son when she nodded and forced herself to listen.

He began by telling her about Brian and how he’d always experimented with both sexes, almost laughing with amusement at her shocked expression. He tested her resolve to remain silent when he brought up Murphy and how nervous they both were on their first date, how incredibly romantic his twin was and how being together was all either of them wanted. And Connor concluded with a promise to never forgive her for treating his Murph so terribly, for trying to keep them apart and for being the one to take his brother to that priest.

Her face reflected pain and her eyes reflected sorrow as she carefully listened to every emotional word Connor said and try as he might, Connor wasn’t quite sure what to make of her reaction. She seemed remorseful over her treatment of the darker haired twin and she lowered her head to her chest at the mention of the priest, her quiet sniffing the only sound in the room as Connor fought the urge to comfort her. Deep in his heart, Connor knew their mother loved Murphy but still…..in more ways than one, she was the cause of his lover’s pain.

“I’ll never forgive myself for taking Murphy to that priest, Connor. But I didn’t know…..I swear to Christ, I didn’t know what that man did to your brother until I overheard you boys talking about it.”

She raised her eyes at his softly whispered, “I know, Ma. I know you didn’t know what happened to Murph. But that doesn’t change the fact that it was you who took him there…..just because he was gay.”

Annabelle closed her eyes as tears fell down her cheeks, her head slowly nodding before she gave in to her pain and covered her face with her hands. Connor was right. It was her lack of acceptance of her own child’s sexuality that was the impetus of so much pain. Had she been the least bit accepting of Murphy’s budding desires, had she tried to help him instead of condemn him, he never would have been at the mercy of that priest. “I was wrong…..God forgive me, I was wrong.”

Before he could respond to his mother’s sorrow and guilt, the sound of familiar footsteps turned his attention toward the back porch. A hot wave of panic coursed through Connor’s gut as his heart thundered loudly in his ears; it was too early, Murphy shouldn’t be back this soon. Their mother was completely forgotten when Connor’s eyes found the face of his love as Murphy stood frozen in place, staring at him wide eyed from behind the screen door.

“Conn…..I need you.”

Connor took quick steps toward the door, not needing to hear those words…..he knew something was wrong just by the way Murphy stared at him. Once he reached his brother, Connor rested his hands on Murphy’s arms and squeezed his biceps in an attempt to comfort his boyfriend with his touch, fully expecting a gentle smile or the familiar bite of Murphy’s lip in response. But Murphy barely reacted. He didn’t smile, he didn’t move…..he barely even blinked.

“Are you hurt?”

Murphy allowed Connor to turn him from side to side while the older twin desperately searched for injury, his eyes scanning his brother’s thin frame but finding nothing wrong. Except for his dazed appearance, Murphy looked exactly the same as when he left the house an hour earlier. Once satisfied his twin wasn’t hurt or bleeding, Connor placed his hands on his lover’s shoulders for a brief moment before sliding his fingers to Murphy’s neck, one thumb stroking his identical tattoo while the other stroked his matching lovebite. It was meant to soothe Murphy but Connor found this action just as comforting.

“It was Jonathan, wasn’t it?” Connor asked knowingly, certain it was that fucker who had the job for his Murph and caused this reaction.

“I don’t know. I never made it that far.”

A slight movement drew Murphy’s attention away from his brother and he caught sight of Annabelle watching them from the kitchen table, her eyes seeming to bore holes into the pair. Murphy stared at her until Connor cupped his face with his hands and pressed their foreheads together, his hot breath calming Murphy as it warmed his face and returned the younger twin’s focus to the proper place.

Murphy grasped the forearms of his love, his fingernails leaving crescent shaped marks in his brother’s skin as their eyes found each other. God, Connor wanted to cry. Murphy had such deep love and devotion for him…..it was staggering. And it had always been there; as far back as Connor could remember, that love looked him square in the eye and didn’t blink. It was a steadying presence and the embodiment of all that was good in Connor’s life.

Annabelle watched her children as she took a deep breath and slowly blew it out between pursed lips, struggling to accept what she already knew. They didn’t care if she saw them clutching each other, they weren’t ashamed…..her boys were deeply in love with each other.

Murphy bit his lip as he gathered his courage, needing to tell Connor the news he heard when he went to town. “Father O’Shea…..he’s dead. They found him behind the old firehouse, shot in the head.”

Connor got over his initial shock fairly quick, although part of him felt robbed of the opportunity for vengeance…..he wanted to be the one to put a bullet through that man’s skull.

“I don’t know how to feel about this, Connor. I don’t know what’s right.” Murphy’s voice cracked with emotion as that old panic developed and spread, his mind beginning to relive those moments he desperately wanted to forget. Even though he was in the safest place in the world, Murphy couldn’t help but shake in his brother’s hands.

“You feel how you feel, Murph. It’s not wrong no matter what you feel, okay? Happy, sad, angry….. _relieved._ It’s all okay.”

But that was just it. Murphy didn’t feel _any_ of those things, not one. All he felt was scared…..but he didn’t know why. The priest was dead, he couldn’t hurt him anymore…..Murphy shouldn’t be scared. Why the fuck was he so scared?

“I…..I don’t…..Connor?” Murphy was barely able to squeak out his brother’s name before the tears started, the reality of the situation hitting the younger twin with a force he didn’t expect. Murphy thought he had moved on, he thought he was fine…..but once again, he was proven wrong as those first tears opened the floodgate of his emotional dam.

Connor pulled his love into a tight embrace, feeling tears wet his skin as Murphy buried his face into the crook of his neck and began to sob. Connor’s instincts told him what his Murph needed and he gently rocked his boyfriend in his arms as he quietly cooed in his ear.

Annabelle moved to the door to watch their exchange a bit closer, her eyes moist at the tenderness her boys displayed for each other. She vowed to make amends…..and maybe one day learn to accept what her sons so obviously demanded to have. She said a silent prayer they would eventually forgive her for the pain she caused, for the mistakes she made and for the assault that happened to her youngest due to her lack of acceptance and understanding. But even if they never forgave her, even if they hated her for the rest of their lives, she would never regret what she had done just the day before. For her child.

Connor gazed at his mother from over Murphy’s shoulder and he knew…..he knew she was the one who killed Father O’Shea.


	60. She Knows

Connor watched his mother through the mesh of the screen door as he held his twin in his arms, his eyes warning her not to interfere as his mind grappled with the reality of what she’d done. Even though Annabelle was tough as nails and not a woman to be trifled with, Connor never would have imagined she could do such a thing. But at the same time, he couldn’t help but be proud of her. Father O’Shea was an evil person who deserved to die for what he did to Murphy…..Connor just wished he’d been the one to deliver the man.

He felt his shirt bunch up in Murphy’s tight grip as he stroked his brother’s back and pulled him closer, not caring that their mother was witness to his tenderness as he listened to the sobs that threatened to break his heart. Hot tears wet the collar of Connor’s shirt as Murphy leaned harder against the light haired twin, Murphy’s need for his lover’s comfort taking precedence over their mother’s studious observation.

Murphy took a shuddering breath as he held on to his boyfriend for dear life. He’d dreamt of this moment for years, he imagined what it would be like to hear Father O’Shea was dead, but Murphy’s reaction was nothing like he thought. He expected to be smiling and happy…..he was finally free. But even as relief spread through his body, Murphy’s tears continued without interruption. The initial shock was gone but Murphy felt like he was still reeling from the news, almost as if his past had awakened and now controlled him in some way. It was like he took a giant step backward in time and he was sixteen all over again. Sixteen and terrified beyond belief.

He shook violently in Connor’s arms as he struggled to regain his composure, his emotions in motion as wave after wave overwhelmed him. All the feelings Murphy had buried years earlier, all the fear, pain and self-loathing…..every bit roared back to life and demanded their due once again. All Murphy could think about was what that man did to him. His life was irrevocably changed and to this day, Murphy was surprised he survived not only the assaults, but the resulting aftermath.

As he cried harder and broke down further, Murphy felt his lover’s strong arms wrap him in a tight embrace to keep him safe. He felt Connor’s hands stroke his back and feather in his hair as the breath from his soft words warmed his ear. And he felt Connor’s steadying presence and unfailing devotion emanating from his very soul. As always, Connor was Murphy’s anchor.

“It’s okay. I’ve got ya,” Connor whispered as he held the man he loved, his words just loud enough to be heard over Murphy’s soft snuffling sounds as the younger twin struggled to catch his breath. Connor’s matching blue eyes overflowed with tears for all his partner had been through as he shared every ounce of Murphy’s despair. Connor only knew a fraction of what happened to his twin but his mind could easily fill in the blanks…..and those blanks fucking killed him. Jesus, he wished he could go back in time and stop what happened to his Murph. Connor would protect his brother with his life, if need be, and it killed him to see his love in such agony.

“That’s it, Murph. Let it all out.”

Connor cried along with his twin, rocking him in place until Murphy finally regained a semblance of control and lifted his tear stained face, his soft blue eyes seeking reassurance from his older half. They shared an unspoken language no one else understood and Connor’s gentle gaze comforted Murphy in a way no words could match. In unison, they wiped at the other’s face with a delicate touch before Murphy finally felt strong enough to speak.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying. I just…..I just remember everything like it was yesterday,” Murphy quietly confessed as a sudden wave of terror engulfed his mind and threatened to break him once more, his voice trembling with emotion as his eyes lowered to the floor. Hearing about the priest’s death made Murphy revisit what he tried to forget, what he pretended didn’t exist. But he couldn’t escape his history no matter how hard he tried. “I’m scared, Connor. I shouldn’t be, but I am. I’m just so fucking scared right now.”

“Murphy…..you’re remembering how terrified you were back then. It’s the memory that’s scaring you,” Connor pointedly said in a hushed voice as he cupped Murphy’s face in his hands, his thumbs stroking the smooth skin of his twin in an attempt to ground him in the present. He lifted his brother’s face and looked into the trusting eyes of his twin and life partner, his gaze communicating what Murphy already knew…..he had nothing to be afraid of anymore. Murphy was safe with his Connor. “That man can’t hurt you ever again.”

Murphy swallowed the lump in his throat as he nodded in understanding, the dark veil of fear finally lifting as he allowed his brother’s words to sink in. As he thought back to what happened in that rectory, Murphy recognized the exact same feelings as two years prior…..the near crippling panic, the shame and overwhelming despair. _The pain._ But as Connor softly spoke his name and pulled him back to the here and now, a weight was lifted from the darker twin’s shoulders and he finally felt a sense of peace for the first time in years.

“I’m sick of crying, Connor,” Murphy stated after taking a cleansing breath and stabilizing his emotions, again finding the courage and strength he never truly lost as he vowed to not let the past define him. He’d just experienced a major catharsis, an emotional upheaval and a purging of his demons…..and as a result, Murphy felt strangely renewed. “This is the last time that man will control me. The last fucking time ever.”

God, Connor hoped that was true and he smiled at his boyfriend’s determination as he wiped Murphy’s face once more. He knew full well his brother would still be haunted in some way, things of this magnitude didn’t just go away, and Connor mentally prepared himself for when Murphy’s dreams turned into screams. He’d give anything if the death of the priest meant the death of Murphy’s pain…..but that didn’t seem likely.

Annabelle stood waiting as patiently as she could, allowing one brother to comfort the other before loudly clearing her throat to interrupt their intimate exchange. She swallowed her pride and pushed down her disapproval as she opened the screen door that separated her from her children, the stiffening of her youngest son’s back not going unnoticed by the headstrong woman.

“Bring your brother inside, Connor,” she instructed in a voice that sounded strange to both twins merely due to the softness of her tone. “Let’s get him something to drink.”

Murphy bit his lip as he cast a quick glance over his shoulder toward his waiting mother, his eyes locked on to hers for only a moment before he turned back to face his twin. There was no way Murphy could explain why he was crying, not without telling her what happened, not without using the word _rape._ And right now, he just wasn’t strong enough to say that word and deal with her condemnation of his relationship at the same time.

“Connor, she’ll ask questions,” Murphy whispered in a near panic, his throat suddenly dry as his chest tightened painfully. His eyes were wide and darting toward the stairs as his need to get away began to manifest itself once again.

The look on Murphy’s face made Connor hurt all over, every single cell cried out in pain for what he was witnessing. It had been a mistake to remain quiet, Connor should have told Murphy their ma overheard them that day in the kitchen but he’d been too afraid of overwhelming his sensitive other half. Murphy had shared with him the most difficult, painful thing in the world and Connor wanted to protect him from any further emotional upheaval. At the time, it seemed like the right decision but now…..now Connor knew how wrong he’d been.

“She knows,” Connor quietly admitted, wishing he could soften the blow somehow but knowing it was impossible. As terrified as he was to see betrayal in the blue eyes of his soulmate, Murphy needed to hear the truth. “You won’t have to explain because she already knows.”

Murphy’s face contorted with this unexpected news and his eyes looked away from the penitent gaze of his brother as he struggled to comprehend how his mother could have discovered his darkest secret. He’d only ever told Connor what happened, no one else, and they’d really only talked about it that one time. His mind quickly put the pieces together as he realized Annabelle must have overheard him tell Connor his ugly truth. But as angry as Murphy was at his mother for eavesdropping, he was more upset that Connor kept it hidden.

“You should have told me, Connor. We’re not supposed to have any secrets.”

Murphy’s eyes returned to his brother’s face but Connor had lowered his chin to his chest, his eyes staring intently at his boots as the weight of guilt pressed hard upon him. He should have been honest with Murphy, no matter how much it hurt. No secrets meant no secrets.

“I’m so sorry, Murph. I know I should have told you…..but I just couldn’t hurt you like that. Not after what you had just told me.”

Connor forced himself to look into his boyfriend’s eyes, knowing he’d see pain…..pain _he_ had caused. But that pain disappeared as quickly as it flared once Murphy saw the intense love in his brother’s eyes. How could he possibly be upset with his lover when all Connor ever wanted to do was protect him and keep him safe? When everything Connor did was for _him?_ Besides, Murphy knew Connor would have told him eventually, there really was no doubt about that, and Connor hiding this from him was no different than Murphy not telling him when their pictures went missing.

“No more secrets from now on, Connor. Okay?”

“Okay.....I promise,” Connor quickly said with a soft sigh of relief as he took his vow to heart. His eyes drifted to where his mother was watching from the doorway and he ignored the shake of her head as he wondered how she could possibly know what he was about to say, the one final thing he needed to tell his boyfriend before he lost his nerve. “But there’s one more thing you need to know, Murph.”

Connor’s eyes returned to his lover’s face as he told Murphy the very last secret he had, the suspicion that had formed just minutes earlier. “I think Ma’s the one who killed Father O’Shea.”

 

********

 

Connor paced nervously in the backyard as he kept a careful eye on his twin through the kitchen window, his senses on high alert as he struggled with their separation. Murphy had insisted on speaking to their mother alone and given Murphy’s history and what Connor suspected she had done, Murphy needed to do this on his own. While Connor respected and understood Murphy’s position on the matter, it didn’t mean he liked it.

Connor was hesitant to leave Murphy alone with their intolerant mother but his stubborn boyfriend refused to relent. After a brief discussion, which consisted of Murphy working him with a stroke of warm fingers and a lilt in his whispery soft voice, Connor agreed to wait in the yard…..which was as far away as he was willing to stay.

For the most part, it was a peaceful exchange with Annabelle doing the majority of the talking while Murphy chewed on his thumbnail. Her occasional irate tone made Connor cringe and he tried to interpret their body language when he failed to make out their words, the urgency to protect his lover screaming in his mind. He quickly gave up his fight to remain in place and he made his way onto the porch, his need to be closer to his partner taking precedence over everything else. It was a good thing their twin mojo was as strong as ever or Connor would surely have lost his mind, Murphy’s steady reassurances the only thing keeping the lighter twin sane.

As Connor grew closer, their muffled words became clear and he recognized that the conversation between mother and son was nearly done. He tried to act like he wasn’t eavesdropping, even though that’s exactly what he was doing, and his pride grew as he listened to his love speak up for their relationship and reaffirm their commitment. Murphy was straightforward and to the point as he spoke, his voice showing no hint of shame as he plainly told Annabelle to either be happy for them or let them be.

The resulting silence in the room was deafening as Connor held his breath and waited for Annabelle’s reaction. Murphy stood tall and unwavering in his conviction; he was prepared to walk away from their mother forever, no matter how much it hurt. Murphy’s only regret would be the pain this would cause his brother…..pain that could be prevented with Annabelle’s understanding and love.

Annabelle’s response was far too soft for Connor to understand and after what felt like an eternity but in actuality was only a few moments, she left her youngest son alone and moved deeper into the house. Murphy lowered his head and quietly sniffed, his hand going to his face to brush away a stray tear as his unbuffered emotions bombarded his lover.

Connor took a step toward the door before he remembered his promise to stay out of the house, no matter what. Murphy even made him pinky swear like when they were kids and as ridiculous as it sounded, he knew his brother expected him to keep that vow. But waiting on the porch for Murphy to come to him would be damn near impossible, especially when his love was hurting so badly. All Connor wanted to do was take Murphy in his arms and hold him…..just hold him and make it all better.

Fuck waiting. His Murph needed him.

His steps were purposeful as he made his way across the porch and just as Connor reached for the door handle to go inside, Murphy turned toward him. His brother didn’t look shocked to see him standing there and truth be told, Murphy would have been surprised if Connor had waited in the yard like he was supposed to. With a raised eyebrow and a slight smirk, Connor opened the door and waited.

Murphy’s eyes warmed and he slowly shook his head as a slight smile formed on his lips…..Connor kept his promise, he stayed out of the house. Murphy didn’t look to see where his mother had gone, he didn’t listen for her or even think about her. All he focused on was his Connor.

Once Murphy was through the door, Connor led the way across the porch with his lover in tow and he pulled himself up to sit on the wooden porch railing. His eyes took stock of his boyfriend’s condition…..his Murph looked exhausted but there was an underlying strength in those blue eyes that made Connor proud.

“You okay?”

Murphy shrugged as his teeth began an assault on his lower lip, his demeanor sedate and his fair skin a bit more pale than normal. With a flick of his wrist, Connor motioned him closer and Murphy immediately moved to stand between his brother’s spread thighs, the corners of the younger twin’s lips lifting ever so slightly as he rested his hands on Connor’s legs.

Connor stroked Murphy’s forearms with a light touch as gooseflesh formed under his fingertips, his thumbs moving in large circles as his boyfriend’s hands tightened on his thighs. He knew Murphy was working up to something and Connor waited as patiently as he could, his eyes not straying one inch from the face he loved.

“She killed him. For me.”

Those soft words sent a chill up Connor’s spine and a shudder through his soul. Even though deep down he already knew the truth, it was still staggering to have it confirmed.

“Fuck, Connor. I just don’t know what to feel about all this,” Murphy said with complete honesty, feeling a strange emotional cocktail brewing deep inside that threatened to overtake him once more. “She kept apologizing for taking me to him. And for being such a terrible mother. Can you believe that? Ma apologized. _To me.”_

About fucking time, Connor thought as he listened to his brother’s description of their interaction. He didn’t really understand the excitement in Murphy’s voice but he attributed it to finally hearing the apology that was years in the making. Connor just prayed it was enough to help his twin heal some of his old wounds.

“Murph? What’d Ma say when you told her to be happy for us or let us be?”

“You didn’t hear?”

“No,” Connor quietly admitted as he took his brother’s hands into his own and laced their fingers together. He was a bit nervous as he waited for his boyfriend’s answer but just like his twin, Connor was prepared to walk away from their mother forever. He’d be okay, as long as he had his Murph by his side.

“She said it wouldn’t be easy but she’d try. Conn…..she wants us to come back home,” Murphy quietly reported, his eyes wide and unblinking as he studied his brother’s face for a reaction.

“Both of us?”

Murphy nodded as Connor pursed his lips and considered her request, the crease between his eyes growing deeper with each passing second. He hated like hell having Murphy sleep in the barn…..or even worse, sleeping outside in the cold. But coming back home? No, that would never work. Their every movement would be watched and scrutinized, they’d both be self-conscious and as much as he wanted to believe their mother could actually be happy for them…..Connor wasn’t entirely convinced it was possible.

“No, Murph. I just can’t. She’ll want us to sleep in different rooms or some shit like that. I’m not willing to let her dictate our relationship, I don’t care how sorry she is.”

Murphy wiggled one hand free from Connor’s grip, the lighter twin watching in confusion as Murphy’s fingers moved toward his face. Warm fingers stroked Connor’s skin between his eyebrows and gently smoothed the crease that Murphy loved so much, his gentle touch relaxing his boyfriend until that beloved crease finally disappeared from sight.

“I pretty much told her the same thing,” Murphy whispered as he leaned forward and wetly kissed the warm spot he had just massaged. “We should probably go.”

Together they smiled and Connor could tell by the way Murphy looked at him that he was aching for a kiss, even a little peck would do for now. Connor glanced at the window and once assured their mother wasn’t watching, he stood up and stole a quick kiss from his boyfriend. As much as Connor wasn’t about to let Annabelle have a say in what he and Murphy did together, he also didn’t want to rub her nose in it either. Besides, once he started kissing his Murph, Connor had trouble stopping.

They walked across the porch with Connor a half-step ahead of Murphy, their hands still linked together as they moved until Murphy tugged at him and stopped his forward progress. Connor turned toward his twin with an expectant look on his face, wondering what Murphy had to say that couldn’t wait.

“Ma still expects us at the Anvil after graduation. You know, to see the relatives and all. I told her we’d still go but…..” Murphy stopped suddenly and began to chew on his lower lip, his eyes begging for Connor’s indulgence.

“But what?” God, Connor loved it when Murphy was like this. It was so fucking sexy when Murphy wanted something.

“But…..can we celebrate on our own too? Just you and me?”

Connor smirked, wondering what his brother meant by _‘celebrate.’_ Knowing his Murph, it could be anything from getting drunk to laying under the stars and talking for hours…..or Connor’s personal favorite, making love in the field all night long.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Murph. Just you and me.”


	61. Insecurities

“Quit squirming,” Connor mumbled as his fingers nimbly worked on the silky cloth around his brother’s neck. He loved dressing his twin and even though they were running a bit late, Connor couldn’t help but savor the moment. It was cuter than cute when Murphy shyly asked for help with his tie and it was sexy as fuck to feel Murphy’s eyes on his face as he worked. Just being this close to his lover and feeling the heat emanating from his body brought Connor’s own temperature up a few degrees and he felt his hands begin to tremble.

Of course Murphy wasn’t helping things. Ever since they arrived home to dress for graduation and found their mother already gone, Murphy had been quite the handful. He pawed at Connor all the way up the stairs and he said the dirtiest fucking things in that hushed voice that got Connor hot. Once they were in their room, Murphy kicked the door shut and forcefully pushed his twin onto the bed before he could react. Connor adored his brother’s insatiable sexual appetite and he watched with wide eyes as Murphy straddled his hips and smiled in that way that said he wanted to play. Jesus, Connor loved it when his boyfriend climbed on him and he wanted his Murph to ravage his body and fuck him senseless, if only they had the time.

“I miss being in a bed with you,” Murphy cooed as he readjusted his weight and pressed his cock into Connor’s bulge, his slender hips slowly grinding to create the most intoxicating sensation. His hair fell forward into his eyes and he watched his older half through the auburn fringe as he felt the familiar heat of excitement begin to build between his legs.

“Murph,” Connor groaned as his fingers drew lazy patterns up and down his brother’s thighs. His eyes traveled at a snail’s pace over Murphy’s body and as much as Connor enjoyed watching and feeling his lover move, he knew if they started something, they sure as hell wouldn’t stop.

“We can’t,” Connor whispered when his eyes returned to his partner’s heated face.

“I think we can.”

Murphy bent forward and planted his hands on the mattress on either side of his boyfriend’s head as he hovered over Connor’s face, his eyes searching for the indulgence he had grown to expect. Rarely did his lover say no to him but as Connor smiled and gently patted his ass, Murphy realized this was one of those times. Connor’s touch wasn’t a _‘get your pants off, Murph’_ sort of grope…..it was a _‘Sorry Murph’_ kind of denial.

At first Murphy didn’t move, he just stared into his partner’s eyes as the silent communication flowed freely between them. He knew if he wanted to, he could work Connor and get him to give in…..it really wouldn’t take too much effort, seeing as Connor’s cock was already stiffening beneath him. But they had agreed to attend graduation and it was important to Connor…..no, Murphy wouldn’t be selfish. With a soft sigh, Murphy climbed off his brother before any explanation could begin, not really needing to be told why they couldn’t make love right now. He knew.

They washed and dressed in record time with Murphy’s tie the final thing remaining, the soft request for help making Connor ache with desire. Concentration was etched on the lighter twin’s face as his fingers suddenly refused to cooperate and he wrestled with the fabric, his brother’s warm breath on his hands causing him to fumble. With a slightly embarrassed laugh and a quiet curse, Connor pulled the mangled knot free and he began anew.

Murphy watched his twin closely, marveling at how intense Connor could be over something as inconsequential as his tie. Connor’s eyes darted between the tie and Murphy’s lips, almost as if he was nervous being this close and Murphy couldn’t help but notice how flustered his boyfriend seemed. After a cursory glance at the clock, Murphy allowed his urge to take root and with a giggle of amusement, he leaned forward and kissed the tip of Connor’s nose. When he got no response, Murphy tilted his head and pecked loudly at his brother’s cheek, trying harder for a reaction.

Despite the fact that they were running late, Connor couldn’t help but be amused by Murphy’s antics and it took all his strength not to smile at the little shit. Even though his eyes weren’t directly on his brother, Connor saw his lover’s face scrunch up in frustration. Murphy didn’t like being ignored; in fact, he considered it a challenge but Connor just couldn’t help himself. He wanted to see what Murphy would do next.

Connor’s breath hitched when Murphy cupped his cock and squeezed, the bold actions of his boyfriend shocking the older twin and causing his eyes to dart upward and lock blue on blue. His cock instantly responded to his lover’s touch and a sheen of sweat formed on Connor’s brow as he pushed his hips forward in an unconscious attempt for more friction.

Damn it, Connor wanted to fuck. It felt so good when his Murph touched him and Connor couldn’t take much more stimulation _there_ and not do something about it. But even though Murphy initiated this contact and would say yes to whatever was proposed, Connor knew how important graduation was to his twin. No matter what Murphy said or how much he played, Connor wasn’t about to let his brother miss commencement.

“How’s the tie looking, Connor?” Murphy asked with a slow blink of his eyes and the most innocent smile he could muster. It was exhilarating to see his usually controlled boyfriend teetering on the brink of surrender with the fire of lust stoked by the simple rub of his palm.

“Like complete shit,” Connor reported as he reached between their bodies and pulled Murphy’s hand from the growing bulge in his pants. He took a steadying breath and willed his dick to soften as he returned his focus to Murphy’s tie, his fingers again attempting to complete a proper knot. “I can’t get it right if you keep goofing around.”

“Maybe you’d have better luck if you tied it around my wrists,” Murphy quietly suggested, his words growing softer with each syllable. “Like last time. On the beach.”

“Jesus, Murph,” Connor groaned as the memory added fuel to his desire. Just the thought of tying Murphy up made Connor harden painfully and all he could think of was how much he wanted to repeat that experience from their first date. He didn’t dare look into Murphy’s eyes, it was too much of a temptation to see the desire, love and urgent need reflected back so Connor instead focused on the tie in his hands…..the very same tie Murphy wore that night on the beach.

Connor wiped at his brow with the back of his shaking hand before pushing down his own burning urge as best he could but God Almighty, it wasn’t easy. Murphy smelled so fucking good and Connor inhaled deeply as his lover’s sweet scent filled his nose, Connor’s desire to bury his face in Murphy’s neck nearly overwhelming him.

Graduation, he had to get Murphy to graduation. Connor somehow found the focus that had previously eluded him and he pulled at his brother’s tie as his fingers moved in rote automation, looping the fabric over and around and finally creating the perfect knot. In one smooth movement, Connor slid the knot up toward his brother’s throat before rubbing his hand down Murphy’s chest to smooth the tie over his shirt.

As he smoothed the tie a second time, Connor’s fingers lingered on his brother’s body and he sought Murphy’s eyes, fully expecting to see the hungry gaze of his lover and best friend. But instead of basking in the warmth of the bluest eyes Connor had ever seen, instead of sharing a knowing glance only lovers understood, those incredible eyes were averted and Murphy stared at the floor. It suddenly struck Connor how silent his boyfriend had been the last few minutes, how the teasing had abruptly stopped and the flirting had ended. Connor’s eyes softened with understanding, recognizing what his sensitive partner couldn’t put into words and the unnecessary insecurities his twin continued to wrestle with, even now.

“Conn,” Murphy began, suddenly scared and unsure of his boyfriend’s reaction to his earlier comment about being tied up. He had expected Connor to respond with his own dirty comment, to tell him how hot it made him or maybe even tease back a little with the tie. But he didn’t do any of that, Connor didn’t even try to kiss him. Murphy really thought Connor enjoyed what they’d done that night on the beach but maybe he was wrong. Maybe he misjudged the whole thing and Connor was repulsed by the light bondage, maybe it was a turn off for him. Or maybe he just wasn’t into it with his own brother.

“I’d like to tie you up again sometime, Murph,” Connor confessed as Murphy’s head jolted upward and his eyes widened with both surprise and intrigue. Connor spoke the honest to God truth; he often dreamt of having his way with his trussed up twin but he’d been too nervous to mention it before now. “That is, if you let me.”

“Really?” Murphy asked with a bite of his lip and a nervous laugh, his eyes looking downward once again as a deep crimson blush formed across his high cheekbones. “I’d let you. If you want.”

“God, I want.” Connor’s throaty voice contained the perfect mixture of excitement and attraction, seduction and temptation…..lust and love. He reached for Murphy’s hair and slowly combed his fingers through the soft strands on each side of his brother’s head before pushing thick tufts behind his lover’s ears. “You know, we never talked about fantasies. And I’d really like to know yours.”

Fingers pulled gently on the ends of Murphy’s dark hair before the hands slid down his neck and settled on his broad shoulders, Connor’s thumbs straining to stroke the hot skin just above Murphy’s collar as he waited for a response.

They both realized knowing each other as lovers was diametrically different from knowing each other as brothers, or even twins. Things lovers took for granted they were just discovering, brotherly fights remained common while a lover’s quarrel was rare and sexual fantasies had yet to be shared, let alone acted upon.

Sharing fantasies…..Murphy had _tons_ of sexual fantasies about Connor, one dirtier than the next, but if truth be told his one true fantasy had already sprung to life. Murphy’s wish and dream, the man who was the embodiment of his living fantasy was madly in love with him. Everything else was just icing on the cake.

“I guess we still have a lot to learn about each other,” Murphy began as Connor kneaded his shoulders in a firm grip, his fingers promising more intimate touching later. “I want to know what you fantasize about, Conn. I want to know it all.”

Connor pursed his lips and slowly nodded as he anticipated sharing their sexual desires and intimate cravings, eager to learn things about his Murph no one else knew. “We’ll start sharing tonight, okay? It’ll add to our celebration. But right now we’re late for graduation.”

 

********

 

Murphy politely smiled as he accepted congratulations from relatives he didn’t remember, his head nodding in response to questions he didn’t hear as his eyes searched for his boyfriend among the dense crowd gathered at The Anvil.

Murphy didn’t like being separated from his twin and all he wanted to do was find Connor and get the fuck out of here. He wanted to be alone with his boyfriend, he wanted Connor to kiss him and whisper one of his fantasies in his ear…..Murphy wanted to celebrate with the only person who mattered. If only he could find him.

Holy fuck, there’s a lot of people here. The party started immediately after graduation and Murphy was certain their ma invited half the town in addition to every relative in the family, all of whom wanted to talk with him it seems. Whenever the dark twin moved past someone, he was stopped and forced to listen to stories about how much he’d grown, what a handful he and Connor had been as kids and how many headaches they had given their mother…..all of which Murphy knew but didn’t care to hear.

“Have you seen my brother?” Murphy interrupted the elderly woman currently fussing over him. He had no idea who this woman was, only that she knew him when he was five or six and she had a penchant for cheek pinching. “I want to show Connor the card you gave us.”

It wasn’t a lie, not really. Murphy wanted to show Connor _all_ the cards in his hand, mainly because they were full of money. It was something neither twin expected to receive and Murphy couldn’t help but be excited. They needed the money so badly and even though he wasn’t sure how much he actually held, it _felt_ like a lot and he couldn’t wait to see Connor’s face when he showed him.

Murphy excused himself from the woman before she could pinch his cheek for the third time and he wormed his way through the crowd, weaving between people and ignoring calls of his name while trusting his instincts to take him to his love. He caught the sound of Connor’s laughter rising above the din of voices and his heart sped up, knowing he was close.

The crowd seemed to miraculously part and the sight that greeted Murphy made him stop and stare. He knew he had a goofy look on his face as he watched his brother but he just couldn’t help it. Connor was sitting with his back to the bartop, laughing and regaling his audience with the storyline from one of his favorite action movies. Murphy rolled his eyes in amusement before noticing that the people surrounding his twin were mostly female, which was odd considering Connor was talking about a Charlie Bronson movie.

God, Connor was so fucking beautiful. His face lit up as he spoke, his smile was natural and full of life and his eyes…..when his eyes caught sight of his lover and twin, time seemed to stop and both men momentarily forgot how to breathe.

Murphy recovered first and his blood surged in his veins as he lifted his eyebrows and slowly loosened the knot in his tie, his eyes conveying what his mouth couldn’t. He felt like a shit for teasing his brother this way but at the same time, it was kind of sexy to see Connor’s wide eyed reaction and knowing smirk.

Connor knew full fucking well the hint his lover was sending and his words caught in his throat as he watched Murphy undo his tie and let the ends fall down both sides of his chest. Murphy toyed with the silky cloth, twisting it between his fingers before smoothing it against his body, all the while smiling as he held Connor’s gaze. Holy fucking hell, Connor had to be careful and not let his mind drift too much otherwise he’d get rock hard just thinking of the possibilities that tie held.

“Connor. Tell us what happened next.”

The whiny female voice and the tug on his arm tore Connor’s attention away from his love as he looked at the pretty brunette sitting to his left. She smiled widely when they caught eyes and her sole focus was on Connor, as if what he said held the meaning of life. She casually flipped the hair off her shoulder and leaned closer before placing her hand gingerly on Connor’s thigh, petting it with encouragement as he shifted nervously in his seat.

Connor’s eyes held an apology as he looked briefly at his boyfriend before he took hold of the girl’s wrist and removed her hand from his leg, his words too quiet for Murphy to hear. Whatever Connor said didn’t discourage the girl enough and she scooted her stool closer to the light haired twin as she desperately tried to regain his attention.

Murphy felt like a fucking idiot standing there watching that girl try to flirt with his boyfriend. He ached to tell her to get her fucking hands off Connor, he was taken. The fun he had moments earlier dissipated in a cloud of smoke as Murphy chewed his lip and considered his options. He could call Connor over, that would get him away from her. But she would probably follow him. Murphy could go over and kiss Connor full on the lips, tongue and all. But he knew better than to try that. With a soft sigh, Murphy realized that as much as it hurt to watch, he had to let Connor handle the situation.

God, Connor hated the look on Murphy’s face, that hurt look fucking killed him. The turmoil brewing behind his brother’s blue eyes threatened to rip Connor’s heart from his chest and all he wanted to do was take his boyfriend in his arms and kiss away his pain. He glanced at the girl to his left and his anger spiked….. _she_ was the reason Murphy had that look on his face, it was _her_ fault his boyfriend was in pain. Connor had tried to be nice when he told the girl to stop that first time but she didn’t seem to care what he said. His eyes looked down at his arm, to the delicate hand stroking his bicep and he snapped. He didn’t want to be rude but he had enough of this fucking shit.

Connor pushed the girl off his arm and he stood in one smooth motion as he told her in no uncertain terms to stop touching him. He lifted his chin and motioned to the fading hickey still visible on his neck, the lovebite his Murph recently gave him, and he unequivocally announced, “I’m taken.”

The shocked look on the girls face caused him to pause, but only for a moment. He ran his hand through his hair and collected himself, mumbling a quick apology before turning to look for his boyfriend. But Murphy was gone.

Connor instantly knew what happened to his brother, it was a no-brainer actually. When his Murph was upset or scared, when there was something he couldn’t deal with, he ran. Connor just hoped he didn’t run too far this time.

Annabelle tried to stop Connor as he stormed past but he wasn’t about to be dissuaded or delayed, not even by his mother. He moved purposefully through the bar and out the door, only stopping once he reached the outside so his eyes could tell him which direction to go.

The warm air of early evening felt refreshing after being trapped in a stuffy pub for the past couple hours but Connor barely noticed it. He had something more important to focus on. His eyes were drawn to the lone figure sitting on the cement steps across the street and he let out an audible sigh of relief. Murphy lifted his head and when he caught sight of his brother, he gave Connor a slight wave.

“You okay?” Connor asked once he reached his twin and sat next to him, the outside of their thighs lightly touching. “I was worried.”

“I told you I wouldn’t run anymore, Connor. All I wanted was some fresh air,” Murphy feebly explained as he glanced in his brother’s direction, his eyes quickly lowering once he saw disbelief reflected back. Connor always could tell when he was full of shit.

“Okay, Murph. I’m just glad you didn’t go too far to get your fresh air, s’all.”

Murphy grunted in reply, knowing full fucking well he’d been a heartbeat away from running…..only his promise to Connor made him stay. But he also knew if he had left, Connor would have quickly followed.

“I’m not jealous, if that’s what you think,” Murphy mumbled as he picked at his thumbnail, his eyes continuing to avoid his lover’s penetrating gaze.

“I hope not. It’s not like you have anything to be jealous of.” Connor knew Murphy’s words weren’t entirely true but he decided to let it go. Given what Murphy had just witnessed, jealousy was completely natural but at the same time, Connor knew it wasn’t the crux of his problem. “I’m sorry you saw that, Murph. I know it hurts.”

Murphy tried to quash his irrational fears but his mind wouldn’t shut off. He knew Connor was in love with him, he _knew_ it. But seeing that girl all over his boyfriend made Murphy question things he knew and he just couldn’t stop it, no matter what he did.

“Am I going to be enough for you, Connor?”

Now Connor was really confused and his face reflected what his mind felt. He didn’t understand what part of their relationship Murphy was questioning.....or why. All he knew was, his Murph was hurting and he had to put an end to it. “What are you all worked up about? Some girl who doesn’t mean shit to me? You know better than that.”

“Yeah…..but you used to date girls. And you had sex with them,” Murphy pointed out as he turned his body to look directly at his brother. The pain was still in his eyes but it had taken shape, it was no longer vague and diluted; Murphy’s pain had substance. Seeing Connor with a girl, even if it was innocent on his part, brought Murphy’s biggest fear back to life and it made him remember the time he saw Connor fucking Katie. It was stupid but it felt exactly the same and it hurt just as much…..almost like Murphy was in danger of losing something he couldn’t live without.

“I’m scared, Conn. I’m just not sure if I’ll be enough for you.”

“You’re more than enough for me. You’re everything I want in a lover and life partner, Murph. I don’t want that girl. Fuck, I don’t want _any_ girl. I only want you.” Connor’s words were rapid fire as he struggled to put words to his emotions. He reached for Murphy’s hand and lifted it from where it rested on his knee, wrapping it between his warm palms and lifting it to his heart. Connor lowered his chin to his chest for a moment and when he lifted his head, his eyes were brimming with tears and his voice shook with emotion. “There’s no one else for me but you. You’re all I’ll ever need.”

“But…..what if one day…..what if…..”

“Murph, don’t play the ‘what if’ game. Not with this,” Connor pleaded as he hushed his brother not only with his words but with his watery eyes. Murphy needed to let this fear go before it destroyed their relationship from within. “Just trust in me…..trust in _us._ You’re my Murph. Remember?”

They stared into each other’s eyes for long moments as Connor clutched tightly to his lover’s hand, his heart thudding so hard Murphy could feel it against his fingers. Murphy lifted his free hand to gently brush away the tears that had fallen from Connor’s eyes and his fingers caressed the damp cheek of the man who was his soulmate in every sense of the word.

“I’m your Murph.”

Without so much as a glance at the pub, Murphy leaned forward and tenderly kissed his boyfriend’s lips. Both twins knew how risky it was to kiss out in the open but at the same time, they really didn’t give a shit…..it just felt _right._ And neither twin would ever pull back or regret kissing the other.

“So…..you ready to get out of here?” Connor quietly asked as he smiled with anticipation, wanting to be alone to celebrate properly with his Murph.

“Yeah, more than ready. You wanna go to the field?”

Just thinking about the field made Connor warm all over. It was their special place to be together, the place he’d given Murphy the ceramic heart that his brother always carried in his pocket. But the nights were still cold and the ground was hard and Connor wanted something better for his love. Tonight Connor wanted to take Murphy to a place they could be together without any fear of intrusion or discovery, a place that was private and warm…..a place where they could share things only lovers shared.

“Actually, my dear Murphy…..I have something else in mind.”


	62. Celebration

Murphy was confused. It was obvious his brother was leading them back home but he couldn’t figure out why. Connor had promised they’d properly celebrate their graduation, just the two of them…..alone. But there’s no fucking way they could do that _there,_ not with the possibility of their mother returning at any time. It crossed his mind that they might end up in the barn, which was fine with Murphy mainly because he didn’t give a shit where they were, as long as they were together.

“We’re not spending the night in the barn, if that’s what you think,” Connor said with a slight laugh and a raised eyebrow, thoroughly enjoying the puzzled look etched across his lover’s face. He lowered his voice into a conspiratorial whisper as he leaned closer to his dark haired partner and teased, “I told you, I have something better in mind.”

Something better than the barn? Or even the field? Murphy’s eyes flashed with excitement as he chewed on his lip, his mind drifting to all sorts of possibilities as he walked in unison with his lover and sped up their pace. He thought about goading his twin into giving him some sort of hint but given the way Connor was smirking, Murphy knew those perfect lips were sealed. At least for now, anyway. Murphy finally settled on the most logical conclusion, given where they were headed and the way Connor’s eyes roamed over his body…..Connor just couldn’t wait until later. He must want a quickie.

Connor knew he was staring at Murphy but he just couldn’t stop, he was completely captivated by his beautiful boyfriend. He couldn’t put his finger on it but there was something his brother possessed that no one else did, something fascinating and uniquely Murph. Maybe it was the way he blushed whenever he caught Connor watching or it might be the way Murphy’s head tilted to the side when he tried to get his way. Or it could just be the love emanating from Murphy’s heart to his own. Connor supposed he’d never be able to define it and really, it didn’t matter what it was. All that mattered was they were in love and belonged only to each other.

The closer they got to home the more excited Murphy became, his mouth practically watering with anticipation as he wondered if it was a blowjob Connor might want. God, he loved sucking Connor’s dick…..he loved the taste of his brother’s most intimate parts on his tongue, he adored the feeling of Connor’s fingers tightening in his hair and the moan of his name just before Connor came. But the thing Murphy loved most of all, even more than his lover cumming in his mouth, was how Connor looked at him afterward. That intense look of satisfaction mixed with a heaping dose of love and devotion made Murphy melt each and every time.

Once they reached their yard, Murphy smiled knowingly at his boyfriend and took him by the hand, tugging on his arm in his haste to enter their home and give Connor whatever he needed. But instead of eagerly following, instead of rushing inside and pulling his dick out for a quick suck, Connor pulled back and stopped his brother’s forward momentum with a slight shake of his head. He knew what Murphy was thinking, it was obvious in the way he licked his lips, but as much as Connor loved when his twin gave him head, he had other plans to put in motion first.

Before he could hide it from his lover, Murphy’s face reflected a turmoil born earlier that day and a painful conclusion that clawed at his heart. Connor didn’t want to make love, he said no. Murphy’s self-doubt sprang back to life and spread through him like a raging inferno, consuming every bit of confidence he had like paper in fire. After what happened in the pub with that girl, and more importantly after what Connor said on the steps afterward, Murphy didn’t expect his boyfriend to deny him. He expected Connor to want him, more than ever.

Connor’s eyes softened as he recognized how incredibly vulnerable and insecure his Murph still was. He lifted his brother’s hand and placed a wet kiss to the warm skin before he patiently explained, “I’m not saying no, Murph. I’m saying not yet.”

Murphy swallowed the lump in his throat as he allowed his lover’s words to skin in. He’d been certain Connor wanted a blowjob, he would have bet money on it, but obviously his brother had something else in mind…..all of which made Murphy breathe a bit heavier as a trickle of sweat slowly traveled down his spine. Shit, he was suddenly so nervous but he wasn’t about to let his senseless fear ruin their celebration, not when Connor was looking at him like _that._

“Wait here. And don’t look so worried, we’re not staying.”

“I’m not worried,” Murphy softly responded as he released Connor’s warm hand from his tight grip, instantly missing his brother’s touch. “Just…..hurry up, okay?”

When Connor emerged from the house only a few moments later, he not only had a shit eating grin on his face but he also held a backpack full of what Murphy assumed was fresh clothes and lube. The older twin held the younger twin’s gaze as he made his way across the yard and dropped the backpack unceremoniously into the dirt at their feet, his hand reaching up to gently push a long wisp of damp hair behind Murphy’s ear.

They silently stared at each other with as much emotion as when their feelings first became known to the other, their desire just as fiery hot in their veins as the first time their lips met and their urgent need creating a growing heat between their legs.

Fucking hell, Connor wanted to take Murphy then and there. It was damn near impossible to resist him.

Murphy shifted from foot to foot as he tried not to appear anxious, even though he was certain Connor could hear the pounding of his heart. He felt so fucking stupid for being this nervous, it’s not like Connor never looked at him before. He should be used to those penetrating eyes but for some reason, Connor’s gaze felt different. It felt…..hotter.

Connor’s pinky stroked the outer contours of Murphy’s ear before his hand drifted south and he fingered the dangling edge of the tie hanging down Murphy’s chest with a lazy touch. Murphy’s eyes lowered to watch his brother’s hand, wishing to hell Connor would touch something more than just his tie, but all Connor did was stroke the material. When his eyes returned to his boyfriend’s face, Murphy was met with a lopsided grin and a breathy announcement that made his cock ache.

“We’ll need this later tonight,” Connor whispered as he slowly pulled the tie from his brother’s collar, the silky cloth tickling the younger twin’s neck with the motion. Once it was free, Connor took off his own tie and wordlessly stuffed them both into the backpack before turning on his heel and heading toward the barn, glancing only once over his shoulder as Murphy watched with wide and unblinking eyes.

Jesus…..Murphy couldn’t breathe, he was so fucking worked up. He wasn’t sure if Connor wanted him to follow or remain where he was. Connor said they weren’t spending the night in the barn so what the fuck was he doing in there? Maybe Connor changed his mind. That must be it…..Connor wanted Murphy on his knees right there in the hay. That must be what the over the shoulder look meant.

Murphy took a step toward the barn before realizing he still held a large handful of graduation cards in his sweaty grip, cards that held money they couldn’t afford to lose. He grabbed the backpack, stuffed the cards beneath the flap and practically ran toward the barn. He tripped over his feet twice before he reached the weathered structure and he paused before entering, his hand nervously running through his hair to straighten it as he took a deep breath to steady himself. When he gathered himself enough to poke his head inside, the sight that greeted him was different than what he expected. He thought Connor would be naked in the hay. And ready for him. But instead, his brother was sitting on a borrowed motorcycle and pulling on leather gloves, looking every bit hot as fuck.

Just as the engine roared to life, their eyes met and Connor motioned with his head for his boyfriend to come closer, which Murphy instantly did. Connor stood and steadied the bike with one hand as his free hand grabbed Murphy by the back of his hair and pulled him forward in a rough grip, taking ownership of his mouth. Their kiss was wet and forceful with the leather clad hand not loosening its grip in the least, their lips nearly bruising from the pressure.

Waves of pleasure coursed through Murphy’s veins as Connor’s tongue pushed deeper into his mouth and he lifted his hand to grasp tightly to Connor’s bicep as their lips moved in a heated rhythm. Their kiss ended far too soon and Murphy flicked out his tongue for one last taste of Connor’s lips before he pulled too far back, his soft moan drowned out by the engine. Murphy felt breathless and he wasn’t sure if he could wait much longer for more than a kiss, he wanted Connor so fucking bad.

“Get on.”

Murphy pulled the backpack onto his shoulders, swung his leg over the bike and positioned himself on the leather seat behind his twin. Connor twisted his body and pecked at Murphy’s lips before resting his ass between his brother’s thighs, his smile widening when his Murph wrapped his arms tight around his torso and melded their bodies into one.

“I think I’m going to like this,” Murphy mumbled into his brother’s ear as he pushed his hips forward to press his cock into his brother’s backside. Connor turned his wrist on the throttle and revved the engine, causing them both to laugh with dirty delight at the vibrations they felt. “Fuck. I’m going to like this a lot.”

“Just don’t let go, Murph. I don’t want you falling off the back,” Connor instructed in his overprotective tone as he put on sunglasses and passed a matching pair to his younger half. “I mean it. Don’t let go.”

There was no danger Murphy would let go. He’d _never_ let go of his Connor, not ever. Murphy responded with a firm kiss to Connor’s neck and an even firmer stroke of his hand over his lover’s broad chest, his fingers pausing momentarily to tweak his boyfriend’s hard nipple. Connor seemed satisfied with this wordless response and they made their way out of the barn and onto the dusty road, quickly picking up speed as Connor whisked them away from their hometown.

Murphy was in pure heaven. He loved riding motorcycles and he especially loved holding on to his love as they rode through the country roads, his hands taking the liberty of slowly feeling every rippling muscle through Connor’s thin cotton shirt. Murphy tried not to torture his brother too much but the further they rode, the more Murphy wanted to play. It was the best of both worlds…..a hot bike and an even hotter man between his legs.

As they rode, Connor thought he’d lose his mind. Between the vibrations from the engine, Murphy’s wandering hot hands and the even hotter body pressed hard into his back, Connor’s dick was killing him. Murphy had taken to palming his cock as well, which almost made Connor drive off the road and into the ditch with that first touch. He loved having his boyfriend all over him and Connor honestly couldn’t get enough of it, but he also didn’t want to get them killed. So in order to prevent tragedy and the creaming of his jeans, Connor occasionally drove with one hand and gathered his brother’s hands against his stomach and held them tight, temporarily stopping the body strokes until he regained a bit of control.

The roads finally changed from dirt to pavement and Connor slowed the motorcycle as they entered the city limits, yelling over his shoulder that they were almost there. A few blocks later they stopped at a red light and Murphy rested his hand on Connor’s thigh, his eyes glancing around as he leisurely stroked his brother’s leg from knee to hip and back again.

“What are we doing here, Connor?”

“You’ll see.”

Murphy smirked at his brother’s evasive answer, he should have known better than to ask. Connor wasn’t about to tell him anything until they arrived at their destination, that much was certain. God, Murphy loved this side of his partner…..Connor was so fucking cute when he was like this, all jazzed up over one of his surprises, and Murphy shifted his hips against his brother in anticipation. He squeezed Connor’s thigh just as an approaching car caught the darker twin’s attention and he reluctantly pulled his hand from his brother’s leg.

“I guess I should stop. People can see,” Murphy said just loud enough for his brother to hear, his voice filled with a painful apology. He had been lost in the moment and he forgot to act like brothers, not lovers.

“Let ‘em fucking look,” Connor defiantly said as the car slowed to a stop next to the pair, his concern at being seen nonexistent.

Murphy smiled at his boyfriend’s bold statement, the heat of Connor’s body warming him just as much as his heated words warmed his heart. Connor was right; so what if anyone saw them? No one knew them here. They could act like the lovers they were…..they could touch, they could kiss and they could be together however they wanted. Here they could be something other than just the MacManus twins. Here they could be Connor and Murphy, a couple in love.

“You’re my boyfriend, Murph. And I’m yours.” Connor twisted at his waist to look more directly at his chosen partner, his words direct and full of pride. He hated having to be careful whenever they were together and he wanted to give Murphy something he never had before…..freedom to express himself in public, even if it was just for the weekend. “You can touch me all you want.”

Sunglasses hid Murphy’s eyes from his brother’s gaze but some things Connor just knew about his love. And right now Connor knew Murphy was blinking back   
emotional tears.

“I want.”

Those two softly spoken words were accompanied by the return of Murphy’s hand to his boyfriend’s thigh, his fingers firmly squeezing as Connor leaned forward and gently kissed him. Murphy eagerly returned the kiss, brief though it was, and he couldn’t help but smile with pure happiness against his brother’s warm mouth.

The light turned green and they were off again with the darker twin pressed tight against the lighter twin with nary a sliver of light between them, the inside of Murphy’s thighs rubbing against the outside of Connor’s and creating the most amazing friction. After a few more stops and turns in the road, Connor pulled up to the curb and cut the engine as Murphy’s eyes danced over their location…..the place his love brought him to celebrate.

It was nothing fancy, it had no special amenities or frills…..it wasn’t even that big of a place. But it was just nice enough to be special, it was secluded enough to be intimate and it was completely perfect in every way.

They dismounted and removed their sunglasses in unison as Connor turned to face his boyfriend with a sly smile on his lips. It had been incredibly difficult to keep tonight a secret and Connor had been tempted a million times to tell Murphy what he had planned but now that they were here, it was worth all the effort just to see the look on his lover’s face.

“I knew after that night on the beach that I wanted to bring you here tonight,” Connor quietly reported as he took Murphy by the hands, his thumbs moving in soft circles as he remembered their first date and how incredible they were together. “So I booked us a room and I snuck up here a week later to pay for it. It’s ours for the weekend.”

“God, I had no idea,” Murphy responded, shocked and amazed at his brother’s cunning and thoughtfulness as his heart beat harder with each passing second. He’d put Connor through so much the past couple months, more than any boyfriend should have to endure, yet Connor still wanted to be with him. Through it all, his brother never doubted what they had and Connor somehow knew that months after that first date, they’d still be together…..and completely in love. “I can’t believe you did this.”

“I’d do anything for you, Murph.”

Murphy squeezed Connor’s hands as the sudden need to be with his lover took precedence over everything else on God’s green earth. “Connor? I want to see our room.”

 

*****

 

Connor’s hands shook as he fumbled with their room key, his boyfriend’s piercing blue eyes distracting him as he tried for the third time to unlock the door. He didn’t expect to have so much trouble opening a simple lock and even though he still wore the leather gloves, his grip was worth shit. Murphy silently watched with a raw sexual hunger Connor had never seen in anyone else before and even after all this time, that heated stare still made him weak in the knees.

“Fucking hell, Murph,” Connor quietly laughed at his own feeble attempts with the key, his eyes briefly catching his baby brother’s gaze. “You’re making me nervous. I feel like I’m the only one in your world sometimes.”

“You’re the only one who matters,” Murphy responded matter-of-factly as he took a step forward and placed his hand directly on Connor’s bulge, giving it a firm squeeze. Shit, his Murph was as impatient as always…..and driving Connor completely insane.

“You’re in big trouble, Connor. I’m gonna wear you the fuck out.”

“Good thing I took my vitamins,” Connor joked as the door finally unlocked with an audible click. Murphy immediately pushed through the opening and dragged his lover in behind him with the intention of pinning his brother to the wall. But instead of Murphy dominating, it was Connor who took control.

Before the darker haired twin could react, Connor twisted him around and pushed Murphy’s back against the door with such force that the wooden structure slammed shut and the pictures shook on the wall. Connor then pressed his body into his brother, chest to chest and cock to cock as he grinded as hard as he could, his breath in hot bursts across Murphy’s heated skin. Murphy reached for his lover but Connor pushed his hands away, not allowing touching of any kind…..only grinding.

“You’re getting me hard,” Murphy moaned as the friction increased and his dick began to stiffen. He pressed the back of his head against the door as Connor shifted his position and grinded faster. It about killed Murphy not to touch his boyfriend; he wanted to grab Connor and grope every inch of his body until he begged to cum but once again Connor pushed his hands away.

“Let me touch you,” Murphy moaned with a tilt of his head as he tried to work his lover with his soft voice and soulful eyes, fully expecting to get his way.

“I’m the one who’s gonna do the touching, Murph.”

Connor reached up and with a leather hand on each side of his brother’s head, he gently pushed his fingers through Murphy’s thick hair before sliding his hands downward to squeeze his brother’s broad shoulders, his fingers firmly kneading.

“And the kissing,” Connor quietly said, pressing their lips together and sliding only the very tip of his tongue into Murphy’s mouth before withdrawing. He paused for effect with their lips mere inches apart before lowering his head to lick a thick stripe up Murphy’s neck, directly over his matching tattoo, and ending with a wet kiss on his jaw.

“And the fucking,” Connor added just loud enough to be heard over Murphy’s soft whine as he slid a hand between their bodies and palmed his brother’s growing thickness. Murphy closed his eyes, panted softly and pushed his hips forward, knowing this was as much as he’d be allowed to do at this point in time.

Connor grinded the heel of his hand between Murphy’s legs as he stared at his lover for a moment, lost in how incredibly beautiful his partner truly was. Murphy’s face was flushed with excitement and he was doing that sexy lip bite that drove Connor nuts, the one that made his dick stand at attention. Murphy’s facial expression reflected lust in its purest form while his squirming body made Connor ache to commit the dirtiest of sins, again and again. He just had to fuck Murphy, and soon.

Connor kissed his lover and inhaled his scent as he slowly walked backwards, pulling Murphy into the room by his shirt and not stopping until they reached the bed. Another soft whine reached his ears and Connor knew Murphy wouldn’t be able to contain himself much longer…..Murphy’s need to touch was about to take precedence over everything else.

Before Murphy could reach for him, Connor pulled away and abruptly broke their kiss before moving to stand behind his over-heated twin. The backpack was still on Murphy’s shoulders and Connor slid his hands beneath the straps as he maneuvered it free from his boyfriend’s body and tossed it carefully onto the edge of the bed.

“I almost forgot about that,” Murphy mumbled with a slight laugh as Connor pressed into his body from behind and wrapped his hands tight around his slender waist. “You didn’t pack very much.”

“We don’t _need_ very much,” Connor mumbled into his brother’s ear as he began unbuttoning Murphy’s shirt, his frantic fingers nearly tearing the buttons off the garment as he nuzzled his lover’s hair. “I want you naked as much as possible this weekend.”

They toed off their shoes in unison as Connor pulled the shirt off his twin’s body and let it fall to the floor, kicking it out of their way. He pushed forward and pressed harder against his brother until Murphy was forced onto his stomach on the bed. Connor lifted his weight from his twin and stood, easily rolling his boyfriend onto his back as Murphy’s auburn hair splayed across the bedspread and created the most amazing contrast of dark on light.

“God, you’re so beautiful Murph,” Connor said as he towered above his lover, his hands making quick work of his own shirt as his eyes took in every detail before him.

“You’re just saying that because you want to fuck me,” Murphy said in a shy whisper, his inability to accept a compliment from his lover still cutting Connor to the core.

“No…..I’m saying that because it’s true. You’re fucking gorgeous, Murph,” Connor said emphatically, praying the day would soon come when his Murph would accept his words as fact. He noticed a slight change in his brother’s eyes, almost as if Murphy was desperately trying to believe him, and Connor smiled gently at his love as he added with a raised eyebrow, “But you are right about one thing. I do want to fuck you.”

Murphy tried not to laugh but he was far too happy not to and a soft giggle escaped his lips. He arched his back as he adjusted his weight against the soft mattress and he spread his arms wide, his fingers straining but not quite reaching the sides of the bed. He slowly slid his arms upward until his hands rested on the bed above his head, his body long and lean with his eyes holding the merriment of a child. “This is the biggest bed I’ve ever been in. If I’m not careful, I   
might lose you in here.”

“Not a chance. I won’t be off you long enough for you to lose me.”

Murphy liked the sound of that and he quietly laughed with eager anticipation as he squirmed on the mattress, his skin feeling hotter by the second as he waited for Connor to make good on his words.

It was exhilarating to hear the sound of Murphy’s happiness, especially when it was more a spontaneous giggle than an outright laugh. It was the sweetest of sounds and something Connor wanted to spend the rest of his life not only hearing, but being the reason those sounds were created in the first place. Connor stared at the man he’d die for and he held his brother’s gaze as he slowly began to pull one of the leather gloves off.

Murphy quietly watched for a moment as he chewed on his lip and remembered their promise to start sharing fantasies. Connor said he wanted to know what got Murphy hot, what he fantasized about…..what got him hard. He could trust Connor, his boyfriend wouldn’t laugh at him. Murphy focused on the sound of his own heavy breathing as he gathered his courage…..there were so many fantasies to choose from but one in particular was right before his eyes.

“Keep the gloves on.”

Connor was usually the twin to recover quickly but Murphy’s soft words caused him to stare dumbfounded at his normally reticent boyfriend. So his Murph liked leather…..God, that was fucking hot. The wall between them was gone and there was no way Connor would ruin the trust they had built with a joke or a snide comment. He’d do anything and everything his brother dreamt of, without exception.

“Tell me,” Connor gently prompted as he pulled the glove back onto his hand and flexed his fingers, wishing to hell he had more than just leather gloves for his Murph.

Murphy motioned with his eyes to the backpack as he quietly asked, “Did you bring lube?”

“My dear Murphy, you know I did.”

Murphy’s eyes darted nervously across his lover’s face as he tried to look confident, even though they both knew that was bullshit. He was scared to say the actual words but Connor’s eyes told Murphy everything he needed to know and he pushed down his fear of ridicule, knowing his Connor would never laugh at one of his fantasies.

“Then…..then get it, Connor. And touch me.”

Connor’s eyebrow rose dramatically as he considered his options, wanting to surprise his brother and combine their fantasies into one. But first he needed to strip his Murph. He pulled the backpack across the bed until it rested next to Murphy’s hip before he diverted his attention to his partner’s pants, smiling at the outline of Murphy’s half-hard cock. The unzipping of his pants sounded obscenely loud in the quiet room but Connor ignored it and instead focused on removing the remainder of his lover’s clothing, his own pants and boxers quickly joining Murphy’s in a heap on the floor.

The backpack was unzipped next but instead of Connor reaching inside for the lube, the tie Murphy wore earlier that day was slowly pulled out. Connor softly hummed a nondescript tune as he dangled the end of the tie over and around the tip of Murphy’s straining dick, teasing and tickling it as the younger twin’s body shook from the sensation.

“Give me your wrists,” Connor commanded after dragging the silky cloth over Murphy’s length one final time. Connor fantasized about this moment hundreds of times, ever since that night on the beach months earlier, and he could hardly contain his enthusiasm. Even though he was certain Murphy would let him repeat this experience as often as he wanted, Connor still told himself to go slow and savor every sensation, every moan and every look on his lover’s face.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Murph. Promise you’ll tell me if I need to stop.” The excitement in Connor’s eyes paled by comparison with the concern emanating from his heart. One thing Murphy knew…..his Connor would never hurt him, not ever.

“I promise, Conn.”

Murphy watched from his reclined position as Connor carefully tied his wrists together, both twins breathing heavier by the second. He pulled on the knot twice to make sure Murphy couldn’t get loose before he stretched out next to his brother on the bed and gently kissed his lips. Their kiss contained no tongue whatsoever, it was strictly wet lips only, and once it ended, Connor squirmed toward the headboard to secure the tie to the wooden bed post. Murphy’s arms were pulled high above his head with the most sensitive parts of his torso at his boyfriend’s mercy, his vulnerable position adding fuel to Connor’s desire.

Connor slowly ran his hand down Murphy’s inner arm and across his chest, the leather fingers ghosting over his brother’s ribs as goosebumps quickly formed and spread across the tender flesh. He bent his head and sucked on a nipple as his fingers traveled lower and combed through the hair just below Murphy’s navel, his brother’s body lurching violently as he moaned and tried not to laugh.

“I love how ticklish you are. It’s one of my most favorite things about you.” Connor pursed his lips and blew lightly across Murphy’s wet nipple, watching it stiffen as goosebumps again covered the pale skin. “It’s like your skin is having an orgasm.”

Connor kissed his brother’s nipple and then reached across his body for the backpack, pulling his own tie free. He slowly ran the entire length of the tie over Murphy’s cock before moving the silky garment down one thigh and up the other before finishing with a lap across his twin’s twitching stomach.

“Mouth or eyes?”

At first Murphy didn’t understand the question but as Connor stared at him and lifted the tie into the air, clarity formed. It was an easy decision for the dark haired man…..Murphy could never be silent when Connor touched him, it just wasn’t possible.

“Eyes.”

Just like that night on the beach, Connor’s tie was used to blindfold his brother. And like that night on the soft sand, Murphy was just as helpless, just as eager and just as fuckable. But unlike that night months earlier, this time Connor wouldn’t stop. There was no pouring rain to dampen the mood, no cold car chilling them to the bone and no scared partner holding back a lifetime of crushing pain.

This was a night of celebration, a night of love. Tonight there was only Connor and his Murph.

Connor slowly ran his hands down both sides of Murphy’s chest and hips, his fingers feeling the quiver and quake of his lover’s body through the gloves as the leather created a new sensation for his twin. He turned his hands to run the rough backside of his fingers up his brother’s body, smiling with fascination at his lover’s reaction.

Murphy’s breaths came in short bursts though his slightly parted lips as he tried to anticipate where Connor’s hands would go next, his body squirming and writhing with every teasing touch. Good Lord, Murphy moved like he was fucking. It was by far one of the sexiest things Connor had ever witnessed.

The light haired twin leaned forward and placed wet kisses down the center of Murphy’s chest as his fingers continued to travel over every dip and ridge, exploring his lover with an alternating soft-firm touch. When his mouth reached the flatness of Murphy’s stomach, his fingers found the hardness of Murphy’s nipples and began to play. Minutes later, Connor lifted both face and hands from his brother’s body to allow Murphy to catch his breath. But only for a moment.

“Now to pick a lube,” Connor happily announced as he sat back on his heels and reached for the backpack. “I got some new ones for our weekend.”

Murphy listened to Connor rummage through the contents of the backpack as his twin pulled out one tube after another before exchanging it for something better. Murphy tried to be patient, he really did, but his cock was aching to be touched and he just couldn’t wait any longer.

“Fucking hell, Connor. Just pick one already.”

“I should have packed a third necktie for that mouth of yours,” Connor teased, trying to keep the amusement out of his voice as he held a couple tubes in his hand. “What sounds good? Peaches and cream? No, too sickly sweet. Peppermint? Shit Murph, that sounds like toothpaste.”

Despite his current position, Murphy couldn’t help but laugh at his boyfriend who was obviously trying to drive him insane with need. “Connor, please. Pick one.”

“Actually, I have the perfect choice right here. Chocolate.”

A cold shockwave traveled straight to Murphy’s stomach and he shook his head as he tried to keep his face neutral, knowing Connor was looking directly at him and would see his change of expression. He didn’t want to explain to his love that chocolate reminded him of Jonathan…..and how they had licked it off each other. It would hurt Connor too much and he’d do anything to protect him from that pain.

“Connor…..not chocolate, okay?”

Connor furrowed his brow as he tried to figure out why Murphy’s voice sounded so strange and why he said no to the chocolate. They never used chocolate before and it’s not like it was a flavor they hated, like watermelon. It had to be something in Murphy’s history. No, it was some _one_ in his history. Connor tossed the tube into the garbage can next to the nightstand, the loud rattle announcing to his blindfolded lover what he had done.

“Fuck the chocolate. I never touch that shit. Strawberry is more to my liking anyway.”

Murphy bit his lip, knowing Connor had figured the situation out but was letting it go without forcing an explanation. Connor didn’t have to see Murphy’s eyes to recognize the turmoil in his sensitive boyfriend, Connor felt it in his soul. He wasn’t about to let regret take hold and spoil their celebration, no fucking way. Connor leaned forward and pressed their lips together, telling his lover with that one gentle kiss that everything was fine between them.

Connor pulled away from his brother and he squirted lube directly onto his palm before taking hold of Murphy’s cock in his slippery grip, eager to change Murphy’s fantasy into reality. His brother had softened but after a few quick tugs, Murphy’s cock quickly rose and Connor dipped his head to suck the tip into his mouth as his hand pumped.

Murphy arched his back and inhaled sharply at the sensation of leather, lube and tongue on his most sensitive area, not expecting the cold lube to change in temperature. The more Connor worked his hand, the warmer his cock grew. Fucking hell…..Connor must be using a warming lube.

He pulled at the bindings on his wrists, not even realizing he was doing so, when Connor squirted a large amount of lube directly onto the tip of his dick and allowed it to run down the sides of his shaft. It was the strangest sensation to feel the current hotness covering his cock change to cold as the lube flowed downward and Murphy couldn’t help the throaty sound he made once the concoction reached his balls.

Connor kept his eyes on his brother’s face as he again moved his hand up and down, pulling and twisting and heating the lube once again. He sucked the first couple inches of Murphy’s cock into his mouth, bobbed his head and hollowed his cheeks as the lube caused his eyes to water. Shit, Connor could even feel the heat through his leather gloves.

Murphy made the hottest fucking sounds as he started to lose control and his body shook violently, causing both twins to lightly bounce on the mattress. It was incredible to cause this type of unrestrained reaction in his soulmate and with each bob and pull, Murphy grew louder. And wilder.

With a low moan of Connor’s name and a gasp for air, Murphy shot his load onto his lover’s tongue. The force of his orgasm surprised both twins and hot cum ran down Connor’s chin and dribbled onto his glove, mixing with the remaining lube.

Murphy slumped onto the bed, his body glistening with sweat as he struggled to catch his breath. Due to the blindfold, his sense of hearing was heightened and the soft sound of Connor licking the gloves clean was the sexiest thing he’d ever heard.

“Murph…..you okay if I fuck you?”

Connor’s voice sounded far away yet at the same time, it was right in Murphy’s ear. He tried to reach for Connor but his hands were still tied to the bed post and with Connor draped over half his body, Murphy could barely move. God, all he wanted in this world was to have Connor’s dick inside him, filling him…..fucking him.

“Keep the gloves on,” Murphy quietly whispered, aching for the hard fuck he knew Connor wanted to give him.

Without a word spoken, hot sticky gloves grabbed Murphy by the hips and rolled him onto his belly. Murphy’s hands remained bound together and the tie twisted as he rolled, tightening further but not causing enough pain to tell Connor to stop. Murphy turned his head so his boyfriend could see his profile as Connor shifted his position, lightly stroking Murphy’s lower back before running his fingers over the swell of his lover’s butt.

“God, I love your ass,” Connor moaned as he squeezed and moved the tender flesh in his hands.

The sound of the lube being opened was followed by sudden coldness between Murphy’s ass cheeks as Connor dribbled the slick directly onto his pucker, a generous amount used so as not to hurt his lover too much from lack of preparation. Connor squirted extra lube onto his cock before he positioned his body on top of Murphy’s and with a low growl, Connor pushed his dick inside.

Murphy couldn’t help the feral sounds he made when Connor entered him and his volume increased exponentially with the depth of the thrusts, the heat from the lube intensifying the pleasure. His soft whimpers changed to low moans, low moans grew into rhythmic grunts and heavy breathing turned into loud gasps as Connor rode him.

Fucking hell, Connor’s dick felt amazing…..he was such an incredible lover.

Leather fingers dug into Murphy’s hips as Connor arched his back to drive in balls deep, sweat dripping from his body onto Murphy’s back from his efforts. Tying his boyfriend up and then jerking him off with leather gloves was hotter than Connor expected and the reality of the leather and light bondage was even better than the fantasy.

The headboard banged against the wall and Connor wasn’t sure but he thought they may have cracked the plaster from their exertions. Murphy grunted his name, not once but twice, causing Connor to pause and make sure his boyfriend wasn’t being hurt. God, the look on Murphy’s face was incredible, he was so fucking beautiful, and Connor quickly realized his lover was merely lost in the moment.

Connor leaned forward and nipped his brother’s bare shoulder, his hips again pumping as he grew closer to his climax. Between the tightness of Murphy’s ass and the warmth of the lube, Connor couldn’t hold out any longer and he shuddered and shook as he filled his boyfriend’s ass with cum.

Once recovered, Connor removed the blindfold and placed gentle kisses against Murphy’s wet hair as he inhaled deeply. Fucking hell, his lover smelled incredible…..like a sexy concoction of sweat, lube and hot dirty sex. Nothing smelled as good as his Murph after they fucked. Connor shifted his body as he prepared to pull out but he stopped as soon as he heard his brother’s quiet plea.

“Stay inside me, Connor.”

There was no way Connor could deny his brother, not when he sounded like that, but at the same time he no longer wanted Murphy tied and bound. Connor kept himself carefully imbedded in his twin as he reached upward toward Murphy’s wrists, his fingers undoing the knots as his love was released from the restraint.

“Your wrists are raw. You should have stopped me,” Connor said as he brought Murphy’s wrist to his mouth and gently kissed it, his voice full of distress. “You promised, Murph.”

“I never even felt it, Conn” Murphy honestly answered, his wrists looking far worse than they felt. He looked over his shoulder into matching blue eyes as he added, “I swear.”

“Am I that good?” Connor joked as he again kissed his brother’s wrist, sighing with relief when Murphy bit his lip and turned a deep crimson, his reaction telling the older twin that he was just fine.

“You’re amazing,” Murphy said in a whispery soft voice.

Connor pulled his twin tight to his body and rolled them as one onto their sides, becoming the big spoon to Murphy’s little spoon. They held each other for the next hour with Connor’s dick tucked safely inside his lover as the room slowly darkened and night took hold.

“Connor? Are you getting hard again?”


	63. Afterglow and Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second day of their private graduation celebration and the twins remain at the hotel.
> 
> I apologize for the delay in posting the new chapter. I was out of town and upon my return my mom got sick (she's fine now) and then my computer died. In a sense, it was the perfect storm. But all is well now and I hope you missed the boys as much as I did.
> 
> Thank you to all who are reading, to those that comment or give kudos and the ones who just stop by to check this story out. I am honored and I thank you most sincerely.

Connor woke with a huge smile on his face, the type of natural smile born from pure happiness. The previous night had been one of the most incredible experiences of his life and it was all because of the sleeping man curled up in his arms…..his Murph.

They had celebrated their graduation with an evening filled with shared fantasies, intimate whisperings and downright dirty fucking. Every kiss was filled with promises to forever love and each touch was meant to give unparalleled pleasure as their throaty sounds of arousal competed with the loud slapping of skin on skin. It was sexy as hell tying Murphy up and Connor loved every minute of it but what really pushed him over the edge and inflamed his animalistic desire was discovering a kink he didn’t know existed. His twin liked leather.

Connor stared at the ceiling as his fingers stroked the uncovered shoulder of his lover and he remembered his boyfriend’s intense reaction to the leather glove handjob…..the snakelike contortions of Murphy’s body as he shook and squirmed, the loud moans and gasps that couldn’t be contained and the volcanic force of his spurting cum when he finally fell apart. Exploring each other took on new meaning as they let go of their inhibitions and succumbed to the pleasure the other created. Gone were the walls Murphy had erected years earlier as he trusted his chosen one with his sexual fantasy, which Connor was only too happy to fulfill.

Seeing Murphy so aroused stimulated the lighter twin in ways he never expected. Visually, it was stunning to watch such a beautiful face contort as waves of pleasure engulfed the dark haired man. The moans of his name were music to Connor’s ears and the taste of Murphy’s sweat and cum on his tongue sent shockwaves straight to Connor’s cock and made it stand at attention. But it was the _emotion_ Connor felt emanating from his brother that made him want to cry. Through their twin connection, Murphy’s emotions traveled unfiltered between them and shook Connor to his core. He never realized how much Murphy held at bay, the depths he had hidden, until that exact moment. It was as if a dam broke when Murphy’s last wall of protection was lowered and all that emotion came flooding out. Connor couldn’t even describe what he felt, he was so overwhelmed by it all, and even hours later he still couldn’t fully comprehend what happened. All he knew was…..it was the purest form of love he’d ever known. And it staggered him.

Connor usually put on the pretense of being a tough guy or a badass ninja, as Murphy sometimes called him, but at times like this he’s completely helpless and at the mercy of his twin. There’s nothing he’d deny Murphy, no request he wouldn’t honor and no whim he wouldn’t kill himself to fulfill. He told Murphy things he never told anyone else before, secrets only lovers shared. Connor bared his heart and soul to the man he loved and that love was returned tenfold, no questions asked.

God, their relationship is so fucking crazy sometimes and Connor struggled to keep it straight in his head as he tried not to blur the line between lovers and siblings. Murphy is the brother who drives him nuts with his stubborn refusal to admit he’s the younger twin. He’s the pain in the ass that leaves his shit all over the place and refuses to pick up after himself, knowing full fucking well Connor will do it. He takes Connor’s stuff without asking…..and then loses it. He hogs the bathroom, drinks the last drop of milk and throws Connor’s things everywhere when he’s pissed off.

But despite all that brotherly bullshit, Murphy is also the man he’s in love with. He’s the one Connor wants to kiss at night, the one he wants to hold in his arms and protect and the _only_ one he wants to be with in ways other than brotherly. Murphy’s thoughts are of interest, his fears a concern and his dreams something Connor wants to make come true. If Murphy gets scared, Connor wants to soothe him. If he’s sick, Connor will nurse him. And if Murphy goes to that dark place that terrifies him, that fucking hellhole that makes him shake and cry and withdraw from the world, then Connor will be the one to bring his love back.

Connor pulled his boyfriend closer, as if he could protect him from that living nightmare with his mere presence, and he glanced at his sleeping brother’s face when he felt the tightening of fingers on his body. That was his Murph…..always holding him tight, even in sleep.

The darkness of a leather glove caught Connor’s attention as it rested at the foot of the bed, right where he dropped it when Murphy finally let him take it off after that third orgasm. Lying inconspicuously next to the glove was a tie, the one that had covered Murphy’s eyes, and the stirring between Connor’s legs was immediate as he remembered how trusting his boyfriend had been when he blindfolded him. It was incredible to fuck Murphy when he was bound to the bed, helpless and writhing beneath his body, and Connor had marked his brother with long scratch marks down his chest and bite marks on his arms. They ended up fucking so many times that the sheets were soaked with sweat and cum and they didn’t stop until they drained each other dry and exhaustion took over.

At some point in the night, Connor vaguely remembered his boyfriend’s soft voice telling him to go back to sleep as Murphy pulled a blanket over their naked bodies, gentle kisses and hot breath cascading over Connor’s skin as Murphy made sure his lover was warm. Connor had fallen back to sleep with the same smile that currently covered his face and the bright sun of midmorning allowed him to clearly see the reason for that smile.

His Murph is so fucking beautiful, sometimes he takes Connor’s breath away. Murphy hated being told he had a baby face but when he slept, that baby face made him look so fucking young that Connor couldn’t help but run his finger down his brother’s cheek like he did when they were kids. His twin was in a deeper sleep than Connor had seen in weeks, which was hysterically funny seeing as Murphy said he was going to wear Connor the fuck out. The mouth that did such filthy things only hours earlier was parted in sleep as rhythmic breaths teased and tickled Connor’s chest hair with every soft exhale. Murphy always said Connor had sinful lips but right now all Connor could think about was how sweet his brother’s mouth tasted. The dark stubble on Murphy’s chin was a sharp contrast to the fairness of his skin and that hair…..Jesus, that fucking hair.

He pushed his nose deep into Murphy’s messy mop and gently nuzzled his brother’s head, deeply inhaling the scent that made him drunk with desire. Fucking hell, he wanted to fuck Murphy every minute of every day and Connor considered waking his twin for another heated encounter. Murphy would never say no to him no matter how tired he was, but Connor just couldn’t do that. He wanted his love to rest and enjoy something he hadn’t had in weeks…..the comfort of a warm bed.

“You smelling me, Conn?” a sleep laden voice whispered with a hint of amusement that was obvious even at this hour.

Connor softly chuckled, he’d been so distracted admiring his lover’s physical attributes that he hadn’t noticed the shift in Murphy’s consciousness and he hoped it wasn’t anything he did that woke his twin. “I suppose I was,” he simply admitted, again burying his nose in his boyfriend’s hair and slowly inhaling. “I like how you smell. Especially the morning after.”

“You sick fucker. I stink,” Murphy teased, his voice sounding both embarrassed and incredulous at the same time. Even though he knew Connor was speaking the truth, as evidenced by another deep inhale of his hair, he still occasionally had trouble accepting how much Connor was attracted to him.

“You smell sexy, like you just had the fucking of your life.”

“Yeah…..I kind of did,” Murphy honestly answered and despite the certainty that he smelled like a sweaty mixture of strawberry lube and day old cum, he squirmed closer to his love and wrapped his leg over and around Connor’s thighs, pulling their bodies flush. “Stay in bed with me, Connor.”

“You tempt me, brother mine. But the maid will be here soon,” Connor began with great reluctance as he felt the distinct beginning of a morning erection pressing into his leg. “And Murph…..we _really_ need clean sheets.”

Murphy moaned his dissent and grinded his hips into Connor’s body, attempting to dissuade his brother from being so fucking responsible all the time. He let out a dirty giggle that made Connor lift his head and look at him questioningly and Murphy explained with a bite of his lip, “Your leg hair’s tickling my balls.”

Connor just stared at his brother for a moment as the words sunk in, his head shaking slightly. “Jesus, Murph. Is there any part of your body that isn’t ticklish?”

Murphy bit his lip harder in an attempt to stop another laugh but he just couldn’t control himself, not when Connor was trying so hard to sound exasperated. A roll of his eyes and a loud sigh didn’t fool Murphy either, not when there was no accompanying forehead crease, and Murphy held his brother’s steady gaze as he failed to muffle his amusement.

A slight creak of the bedsprings announced Connor’s advances as he rolled toward his brother and easily pushed Murphy onto his back, the mattress dipping with their combined weight as he took his boyfriend’s wrists in one hand and pinned them above his head. Murphy’s laughter disappeared and he squirmed beneath his lover’s body as Connor’s left eyebrow slowly lifted and his mouth formed a smirk. Sleepy blue eyes scanned Connor’s face as the older twin slid his free hand downward to grab a slender hip in a near-bruising hold, his fingers shifting on the warm flesh as he waited for a reaction.

But Murphy didn’t fight back, there was no resistance and no struggle. There was only trust and submission staring back at him.

“You okay?”

Murphy’s nod wasn’t visible to the naked eye yet Connor was still aware of its existence, it was more felt than seen. The line between brother and lover was clearly defined when Murphy didn’t fight back like a sibling but relented like a boyfriend. As they stared at each other, they understood what didn’t need to be spoken out loud…..between the sheets, they were strictly lovers.

Connor shifted his body and he let his weight press into his partner, not so much as to pin him to the mattress but to cover as much Murphy as he could. Shit, Connor liked this position. It was fucking hot lying naked on his heavy breathing boyfriend and as he stared down at his Murph with the wild hair and the even wilder eyes, the familiarity of their positions made the lighter twin ache. This was how they had started out last night.

“Are you gonna stare at me all day?” Murphy asked with a slight challenge to his voice. He didn’t think Connor was torturing him on purpose but fucking hell, he needed to stop. Murphy wanted more than just eye fucking from his boyfriend. He wanted lips. And hands. And dick.

“I might,” Connor whispered back as he slid his hand up Murphy’s body and pushed his fingers into the hair he loved, combing through the thick strands as he released his lover’s wrists. Murphy remained perfectly still and he let Connor play with his hair, enjoying every stroke while he basked in his boyfriend’s care and affection. Hair was pushed behind Murphy’s ear & off his forehead with a tender touch, almost too delicate to be felt, and Murphy quietly whined his brother’s name when Connor’s hand slid to his cheek and cupped his face in a gentle grip.

Murphy’s fingers latched on to his lover’s biceps and he held on tight, his nails leaving half-moon marks in their wake. He felt like he couldn’t breathe with Connor touching him so tenderly and Murphy anxiously licked his lips as Connor’s thumb stroked his skin.

“You nervous?” Connor asked, although if truth be told, he already knew the answer to his question.

Murphy blushed as he slowly nodded, his fingers shifting and creating new marks on Connor’s flesh. He’d been in love with Connor for years, ever since he knew what love was, yet every single time Connor touched him, or looked at him, or spoke or did _anything_.....Murphy instantly got butterflies in his stomach and he felt warm all over.

“Myself as well,” Connor confessed, feeling just as nervous as his twin. It was exhilarating to have such an effect on each other…..to see the sweaty excitement build and to feel their hearts thundering in perfect synchronicity as their pupils dilated to fucking hell and back.

Connor lowered his head and pressed their lips together in the softest kiss, his tenderness a welcome contrast to the previous night’s unrestrained activities. The kiss was gentle and sweet and Connor kept it somewhat tame even as Murphy shifted beneath him and lifted his hips in encouragement, wanting more.

Fingers trailed a delicate path down Murphy’s face and across his jaw before moving on to his throat, the quickening thrum of the darker twin’s pulse giving away his excitement as Connor stroked the hot skin he had marked the night before. His touch lingered momentarily over the matching tattoo before he moved his hand to the nape of Murphy’s neck and squeezed, eliciting a low moan from his partner.

Murphy lifted his head to meet his boyfriend’s kisses and Connor took full advantage of the positional change by sliding his hand into his brother’s thick hair and scratching his scalp. He smiled against Murphy’s mouth when he felt a shiver run through his twin and Connor tightened his fingers into a fist, pulling his lover’s head backwards in a rough grip. Murphy inhaled loudly as their mouths pulled apart and he stared up at his boyfriend’s face, his eyes wide and searching.

“Give me your tongue,” Connor ordered after a beat, his voice husky and his breath hot against his lover’s lips.

Murphy moaned but obeyed, his pointed tongue curling out and teasing his partner’s lips with light flicks before Connor pulled it into his mouth and devoured it. Murphy made the sexiest fucking sounds when their kiss deepened further and they were so focused on each other that neither twin heard the initial knocking on the door.

“Housekeeping,” a woman loudly announced as she knocked a second time and Murphy eagerly sucked on Connor’s lower lip, willing his twin to ignore the woman who was threatening to ruin what had barely begun.

“Murphy,” Connor mumbled in warning against his boyfriend’s lips as he broke free from the hungry mouth beneath him, his hand releasing Murphy’s hair as he rolled over his brother and off the bed. “She’ll come inside if I don’t answer the door.”

“So what? We’re in love. Let her look,” Murphy responded as he stretched his body and rested his head on the pillow, his eyes begging Connor to return.

Connor adored his brother’s feisty defiance and he smiled at the familiar ring those words held from the motorcycle ride into town. He grabbed the sheet off the floor and wrapped it around his waist as he shook his head at his brother and explained, “No one needs to see us in bed, Murph. It’s private and for us only.”

It took less than a second for Murphy to realize Connor was right…..what went on behind closed doors wasn’t meant to be shared. It belonged only to them.

“Besides, I don’t want some woman tempted by what she sees,” Connor continued as he hastily made his way toward the door, his hand gripping the sheet tightly. He glanced over his shoulder and with a raised eyebrow he added in no uncertain terms, “You’re mine.”

Murphy loved it when his boyfriend claimed him, it felt fucking fantastic to belong to Connor not only as his brother but as his lover and life partner. He felt the warmth of his returning blush and Murphy chewed on his thumbnail as he watched his twin from the bed, his eyes scanning the broad back of his boyfriend as Connor opened the door a crack. The words were too quiet to be understood but Murphy knew Connor was apologizing and asking the maid to come back later, preferably after they were gone for the day. His soft laugh made the younger twin smile and Murphy wondered what the woman said that was so amusing.

When Connor returned, he had a huge grin on his face & he dropped the sheet to the floor before he sat on the edge of the bed and rested his hand on Murphy’s bare thigh, his fingers lightly tapping. “It’s fine. She’s coming back in an hour or so.”

“What was so funny?”

The smirk on Connor’s face made Murphy squirm and fingers squeezed his leg in reassurance as Connor explained. “She wanted to apologize to the handsome young man I checked in with. She forgot to leave us this last night.”

Connor held out his hand and in his palm were two pieces of dark chocolate wrapped in shiny green foil with the hotel’s name emblazoned in gold. Murphy smiled and took one of the pieces from his brother’s hand, unwrapped it and held the chocolate up toward Connor’s mouth. He waited as patiently as he could until Connor leaned forward and wrapped his lips around his fingers. A wet tongue glided over Murphy’s skin as the chocolate was released and the richness of the confection created a moan Connor didn’t expect.

“Shit. That’s good.”

Murphy took the remaining piece from his brother and he glanced at Connor as his fingers slowly pulled back the foil. He knew Connor was waiting to see his reaction to the candy but instead of putting it into his own mouth, Murphy repeated his earlier action and held the chocolate up toward Connor’s lips.

They stared at each other for a moment as Connor gauged the stubborn look in his brother’s eye. It wasn’t worth any potential disagreement over a small piece of chocolate, not when Murphy so obviously wanted to feed him. Besides, they had the room for one more night and the maid certainly wouldn’t forget to leave chocolate a second time. Connor relented and ate the candy as Murphy licked the melted bits from his fingers, the lighter of the pair making a silent vow to feed the next two pieces to his love later that night.

“Why don’t we stay in bed a bit longer?” Murphy suggested in that whispery soft voice that usually bent Connor to his will. “It’s nice and warm and I promise I’ll make you feel really good, Conn.”

Fucking hell, Connor wanted to take Murphy up on his promise but he didn’t dare. He’d completely lose himself if Murphy touched him and they just didn’t have the luxury of time, not with the maid returning soon. Showering together really wasn’t an option, either. Running his hands over Murphy’s wet body, soaping him up, washing that thick auburn hair…..no, that wouldn’t work at all. Connor sure as hell would fuck Murphy against the shower door if they bathed together, regardless of the time constraint.

Connor was gentle with his explanation, not wanting to hurt his sensitive boyfriend with what could be perceived as a rejection. Murphy shifted his head on the pillow and listened carefully as Connor suggested he go back to sleep while Connor showered, the older twin hoping to entice his partner with the softness of the bed. When he finished speaking, Connor’s hand again found Murphy’s bare leg and he rubbed it as he waited for a response, hoping against hope his brother wouldn’t fight him on this.

“You suck, Connor.”

“I thought that’s what you like about me,” Connor responded with slight laugh, his hand patting Murphy’s leg dismissively as he shifted on the bed and prepared to stand.

“No, I’m not joking. You fucking suck.”

Connor held his brother’s gaze and slowly nodded his head, not because he agreed with Murphy’s words but because he expected this reaction. Murphy always got mad when he didn’t get his way, especially after working Connor so masterfully with those big blue eyes and soft voice, and Connor tried not to smile but it was hard as fuck not to. He was just glad there were so few of his things in the room for Murphy to throw.

“Go ahead and smile all you want, Connor. But you still fucking suck.”

At first Connor had believed his twin wasn’t serious but the scowl marring Murphy’s features and the tone of his voice said otherwise. Connor sighed quietly as he struggled to understand why Murphy behaved this way, why he was so quick to lash out and push Connor away with the sharpness of his words and the glare in his eye. Given the circumstance, this reaction was extreme, even for Murphy.

“Just go and take your stupid shower,” Murphy angrily mumbled as he motioned toward the bathroom, his eyes flashing with a sudden sadness Connor felt deep in his heart before a wall quickly formed between them. “What the fuck are you waiting for? Go.”

Connor didn’t want to be angry, he really didn’t, but sometimes he found his patience to be lacking when Murphy overreacted and his stubbornness reared its ugly head. Connor felt his hackles rise as his annoyance grew and he lashed out with angry words of his own. “God, Murph. What the _fuck’s_ your problem?”

“You. You’re my fucking problem,” Murphy said a bit forcefully as he pulled the blanket over his body and busied himself rearranging it, carefully folding the top edge down before pulling it back up to mid-chest. He smoothed the material with his hand and picked at the frayed edges while he waited for Connor to leave, his eyes carefully avoiding any contact. “Just go, Connor.”

“Fine,” Connor growled as he stood in a huff, his mind telling his feet to move but his heart refusing to let him go. He stared down at his twin as he struggled to remain calm and his mind debated his next action. He seriously considered pulling the blanket off his brother’s body but he knew better than to try that. Murphy was too angry, he’d fight back tooth and nail. It wasn’t like earlier when they were two lovers playing in bed; this time Murphy would never submit. Talking wasn’t likely either, not with Murphy refusing to even look at him. The only other viable option seemed to be the one thing Connor no longer wanted to do…..his original plan of showering alone.

With his very next breath, Connor’s annoyance evaporated as his twin’s behavior suddenly made sense. His Murph wasn’t mad because he didn’t get his way. He was hurt and scared and as crazy as it sounded, he felt unwanted by the one person he loved. It was as if he truly believed Connor would reject him one day and walk away, that it was an eventuality just waiting to happen, and the longer Connor stood unmoving, the more Murphy looked confused.

Connor had seen glimpses of this irrational fear sporadically during their love affair and now he knew those insecurities had again spiked and were screaming in Murphy’s head. This irrationality was triggered by Connor’s explanation, by what Murphy believed to be a refusal of affection, and his behavior might seem childish or stupid to some people but to Connor it was anything but. Murphy’s reaction was based in pain. And to Connor, Murphy’s pain was a serious issue.

“Murph,” Connor gently whispered, hoping to entice the eyes he loved to look in his direction but his brother’s focus remained on the cotton blanket covering his body.

“I thought you said you wanted to take a shower,” Murphy responded quietly, the sound of his voice killing Connor with the pain he couldn’t hide.

“You’re more important.” There was no way in fucking hell Connor could go into the bathroom and shut that door knowing his love was hurting on the other side. He just wasn’t capable of abandoning his Murph like that.

“I didn’t mean it.”

“Yeah, you did,” Connor knowingly responded with a quiet laugh as he sat back down on the bed facing his twin, his hand again finding Murphy’s leg and stroking it through the blanket. “But it’s okay. Sometimes I think you suck too.”

Murphy nodded in agreement as he struggled to understand how Connor could forgive him so easily and more importantly…..why he didn’t walk away. He took a shuddering breath, briefly closed his eyes and tried to quiet his inner demons as Connor watched and waited. After a few agonizing moments, Murphy found the courage to look in Connor’s direction and once he met his brother’s steady gaze, Murphy’s world made sense again.

Connor loved him…..he shouldn’t, but he did.

There was still turmoil and pain in the blue depths of Murphy’s eyes but at the same time, that fucking wall he had started to rebuild came crashing to the ground and he let Connor back inside. Murphy sighed quietly as he remembered how Connor had promised to never leave, he said forever meant forever and he proved on a daily basis just how much he loved Murphy. Fuck, this weekend alone proved it. But still…..that clawing fear deep inside the darker twin told him Connor deserved someone better.

“I’m sorry,” Murphy quietly said with a look of apology as he fought the urge to withdraw. “I ruined our weekend.”

“Bullshit. You didn’t ruin anything,” Connor argued as a wave of pride engulfed him. Even though Murphy had just taken a step backwards, it was really only a baby step. Murphy didn’t run away. He had overreacted but he had also recovered quickly. And most important of all, that wall of protection Murphy put up during their disagreement was only temporary and something Connor knew wouldn’t last, not after the emotion he felt in Murphy’s heart last night.

“I’m a fucking jerk. You deserve someone better Connor, you really do. Someone who doesn’t freak the fuck out when all you want to do is take a shower.”

Connor didn’t like it when his boyfriend belittled himself, it was difficult to hear and near impossible to stop. He knew Murphy’s self-deprecation stemmed from abuse, not just sexual but emotional, and even though Murphy no longer became quiet and clingy after intimacy, he obviously still struggled with severe abandonment issues.

“All you wanted was to stay in bed with me. That’s pretty damn flattering, Murph,” Connor explained matter-of-factly as he leaned forward to catch his brother’s eyes before Murphy looked away, his hand shaking the younger twin’s leg for emphasis. “I’m so lucky. I have the hottest guy I’ve ever seen in love with me. It doesn’t get any better than that.”

Murphy blinked a few times as he digested Connor’s words and he desperately tried to believe his boyfriend even as his need to put himself down nearly overwhelmed him with its intensity. “I’m pretty high maintenance sometimes, though.”

Connor laughed out loud and raised his eyebrow, agreeing yet also disagreeing with his lover when he said, “I prefer to think of you as challenging.”

A soft smile slowly formed on Murphy’s mouth as redness colored his face and he shyly dipped his head as Connor felt the familiar tug on his heart. Connor knew words alone wouldn’t soothe his twin, only actions over time would convince Murphy he was deserving of love.

As he watched his boyfriend nervously chew on his lip, Connor’s thoughts ran rampant and a remembrance of something Murphy recently told him echoed in his brain. It was one of his brother’s whispered confessions about Father O’Shea and something Murphy had been afraid to even say out loud.

That priest had somehow convinced Murphy no one could ever love him, not long-term anyway. He was too damaged, too fucked up and beyond repair. No one could love a piece of shit, Murphy had joked with tears in his eyes, although they both knew he really wasn’t joking. Connor could still picture the disturbed look on his brother’s face when Murphy confessed he still sometimes believed those lies.

Now everything was obvious to the oldest of the pair as another piece of the puzzle fit into place. That icy cold grip of Father O’Shea’s lies reached out from beyond the grave and caused Murphy to debase his own worth…..which in turn caused the overreaction and emotional upheaval Murphy had just gone through.

“Move over,” Connor gently ordered as he pulled at the blanket covering his brother’s legs. There was time enough to hold his boyfriend for a bit, to reassure him and let Murphy know just how much he was loved.

“Conn, you don’t have to,” Murphy responded without moving a muscle, only his eyes rose to look at his twin. “You can take your shower. I’m okay.”

“I know you are. But who said I’m doing this for you?” Connor responded as a puzzled looking Murphy released the blanket and slowly slid to the side, making just enough room for his boyfriend to occupy the warm spot he vacated. “I’m a sick fucker, remember? I want to smell you a bit longer.”

Murphy beamed and his quiet laugh told Connor the crisis had passed, at least for now. They curled their bodies together and Connor nuzzled his brother’s hair until he felt the slow relax of Murphy’s body as his twin drifted off to sleep. Once he was assured Murphy wouldn’t wake, Connor carefully extricated himself from his brother’s grip and padded off to the bathroom, pausing at the entryway for one final look at his love before closing the door without a sound.

Connor spent too much time in the shower but God Almighty, it felt good. A twinge of guilt stabbed at his conscious for standing so long under the hot spray but at least it provided Murphy with precious sleeping time Connor knew his brother needed. He wrapped a towel around his waist before quickly fingering his hair into place and he moved with purpose toward the door. Time to get Murphy up and moving, whether he liked it or not.

When Connor exited the bathroom, he stopped dead in his tracks and his brow furrowed in confusion at the sight that greeted him. The blanket that had covered his brother’s body had been flung halfway across the room and Murphy was sitting on the floor next to the bed, rocking in place. His chin was on his chest and his hands were clenched tightly in his hair, so tight in fact that his knuckles were white.

“What are you doing, Murph?”

Connor’s concern grew when he got no response from his brother, not a glance, not a twitch…..not even a vibration in their twin mojo. And that wasn’t like his Murph at all. Even when his brother was angry and ignoring him, there were still tell-tale signs that Murphy was aware of his presence. But right now, there was nothing.

“Murphy?” Connor called out again as he slowly approached his love, knowing from experience how easily spooked Murphy could be. When he reached his twin, Connor squatted in front of him and reached for Murphy’s wrists, gently taking them and pulling his hands from his hair. “Stop that.”

Murphy lifted his head and for a brief moment, there was a vacant look in his eye that scared the living fuck out of Connor. It was as if Murphy wasn’t looking at him, but _through_ him, and Connor felt the blood drain from his face at the sight. Jesus, it was the exact same haunted look Murphy used to get after his meetings in the rectory…..with Father O’Shea.

“You had a nightmare, didn’t you?”

Murphy swallowed and nodded as he tried to blink back his pain but a stray teardrop leaked from the corner of his eye and slowly traveled down his cheek. It was excruciating to watch that salty bead cut a slow-motion path down his brother’s face and Connor’s jaw twitched as he struggled to keep his own emotions in check.

“It was so real.”

Connor moved to a sitting position and he wiped the wetness from his boyfriend’s face before cupping his cheek gently in his hand, his eyes staring deep into his brother’s pain. “It was just a nightmare. That’s all it was, just a stupid fucking nightmare.”

“I know.”

A quiet sniff was followed by another nod as Murphy tried to drive the horror from his mind. But how do you banish something that isn’t just a nightmare but a memory? How do you forget and make the pain fucking stop? How do you not let it break you?

“Why, Connor?”

Connor released his lover’s face and he slid forward until their knees touched, his hands moving to take Murphy’s shaking hands into his own as he silently wished he had all the answers his brother needed. “I don’t know, Murph. Only that priest knows why he did that to you.”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Murphy shook his head and interrupted his brother before he could continue, the color of his eyes seemingly a deeper blue from emotion. “I meant why now? Why here?”

Connor was completely lost, he had no idea what his twin was asking him and his confusion was obvious as Murphy sighed quietly and began to explain in a soft voice.

“I’m really happy Connor. This is the best weekend ever and I’m so in love with you and I just…..I just,” Murphy took a deep breath as he struggled to get the words out before he was overcome with emotion, his voice cracking with every syllable. “I haven’t had a nightmare in a long time and I just don’t understand why I had one now. _Here._ When I’m so fucking happy.”

Murphy finished with a loud half-sob, half-laugh sound and he wiped at his face when another tear fell from his eye. It wasn’t fair that their celebration was tainted with something so vile and he looked to Connor not only for comfort but also for clarification.

Connor didn’t want to tell his brother that he expected on-going nightmares to haunt Murphy’s sleep from time to time, probably for the rest of his life. He wanted his love to have sweet dreams of their future, not screaming dreams of his past. But Connor knew why the nightmare had returned this day. Murphy was vulnerable. He was happy and relaxed and his guard was down, which allowed his worst memory to take hold of his subconscious and torture him in his dreams…..all because Murphy believed he didn’t deserve to be loved.

Connor’s chest tightened painfully and his heart ached more with each pounding beat. He loved Murphy with every part of his essence and his words were gentle and soothing as he professed his love not only with words but with tender strokes of fingers over trembling skin.

Murphy listened carefully and drew strength from his brother as Connor told him things he already knew. The nightmare wasn’t real and it would fade, just like it did before. And if it did return…..Connor would be there. They’d get through this like they got through everything else. Together.

“Here I am. Being high maintenance again,” Murphy joked with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. He expected Connor to correct him and say he was challenging but all his boyfriend did was lean forward and tenderly kiss his lips before standing and reaching down to lift Murphy to his feet.

“You’re going to be okay,” Connor said with conviction as he pulled his love tight to his body with one hand around Murphy’s slender waist and the other tangled in his hair. He pressed his lips to his lover’s ear and promised, “I’m going to make sure of that.”

The rest of the day was spent holding hands and strolling through town with Connor stealing wet kisses as often as his boyfriend allowed. The tentacles of Murphy’s nightmare slowly retracted as they laughed and whispered like a young couple in love, which is exactly what they were. And when an elderly woman hissed at them to “get a room” during one of their make-out sessions against a brick wall, Connor loudly informed her they already had one as Murphy pulled him down the street and back to the hotel.

That night, Connor knew exactly what his Murph needed. There was no biting of skin or tying of limbs to a four poster bed. Leather gloves and knotted neckties remained unused as tenderness ruled. Kisses were long and passionate and the touches unhurried in their exploration as Connor worshipped every hot inch of his boyfriend’s skin before loving his Murph with everything he had. Both men brought the other to repeated, earth-shattering orgasms as their lovemaking transcended mere physical pleasure and became an intimate bonding of heart and soul, drawing them even deeper in love.

“I think I’m dehydrated,” Murphy joked hours later, his body slick and still trembling with aftershocks. He pecked Connor’s lips before pulling away and saying with a smile, “Don’t go anywhere.”

Murphy was gone mere seconds but to Connor it felt like an eternity…..it was like he couldn’t breathe when Murphy was away. A glass of cold water was shared between them and when the last drop was gone, Connor motioned for his boyfriend to return to his arms. They held each other as their bodies cooled, their sweat intermingling as they wrapped limbs together and if truth be told, neither brother knew where one ended and the other began.

“You scared to sleep?” Connor inquired, feeling the restlessness of his twin as Murphy resisted sleep.

“No. Not scared,” Murphy responded, trying not to sound too high maintenance as he made an unsuccessful effort to relax his body. “Just nervous.”

“I’m here,” Connor cooed with a kiss to Murphy’s head, feeling the instant calming effect he had on his twin. He stroked the softness of his lover’s hair, eventually lulling Murphy to sleep with the gentle petting, and Connor smiled when Murphy sighed with contentment as he drifted off.

But Connor wouldn't allow himself to sleep. He kept vigil. He may not be able to stop every nightmare from infecting Murphy’s sleep but at least for tonight, Connor would make damn sure the man he loved didn't relive the worst experience of his life.


	64. I Wish We Could Stay

“I’m going to miss this bed,” Murphy quietly confessed as he pulled his black t-shirt onto his body and stood staring down at the rumpled sheets, a small smile forming on his lips as he remembered their early morning fuckfest. He had barely opened his eyes when Connor asked in a heated whisper if Murphy could handle some more cock.....or was he too tired or sore to fuck? The darker twin silently answered his lover’s question with a wet kiss and a firm hand on Connor’s dick as his brother eagerly maneuvered Murphy’s body into the position he liked best. Prep was quick but efficient, deep yet gentle, impatient and full of a lusty need Connor could barely contain. Within minutes of waking, Murphy’s legs were on his boyfriend’s shoulders as Connor pounded him into the hotel mattress.

“This really was the best weekend ever,” Murphy added, wincing slightly as he shifted on his feet. It was going to be a painful ride home but well worth every torturous bump. Usually he wasn’t this sore but they had fucked so many times, in so many positions, and Murphy had bottomed far more than he topped. Given Connor’s size and enthusiasm, it wasn’t surprising Murphy ached so badly and he wondered if it was weird that he liked the pain a bit.

“You said yesterday that you wanted to stay in bed a bit longer,” Connor reminded his brother from halfway across the room as he bent to pick up the stray necktie from the floor, his studious gaze catching his younger half biting his lower lip in response to his words. “I figured you weren’t talking about sleep.”

Murphy shrugged his shoulders and he casually kicked at the blanket lying on the floor in an attempt to disguise his physical discomfort, knowing full well Connor might still catch any subtle difference in his movements. Connor would get the kid gloves out if he even suspected Murphy was hurting and right now Murphy didn’t want his twin fussing over him, not when Connor had fussed all night long because of that nightmare and barely slept. If Connor realized he was the cause of Murphy’s pain, even though it was from overzealous lovemaking, he’d be hurt and upset. He might even hold back the next time they fucked. Murphy just couldn’t let that happen, not after he waited so long for Connor to say yes to him.

Sensing something was amiss but dismissing it as melancholy over leaving, Connor watched Murphy closely and his heart warmed at the sight of his boyfriend’s blossoming blush. He loved seeing Murphy turn such a deep shade of crimson mainly because that shy reaction was such a stark contrast to his wild behavior in bed. His twin blushed and squirmed whenever Connor mentioned sex, Murphy acted almost embarrassed, but when they actually fucked.....holy shit, it was a completely different story. Between the sheets, his timid Murph was nowhere to be seen. Murphy was loud and unrestrained, he eagerly sucked dick and he fucked with the exuberance of a man deeply in love. Murphy gave every part of himself over completely, in every possible way, and he was the most exciting and passionate lover Connor could ever imagine. Connor adored every nuance of his boyfriend’s behavior, whether he was bashful or bold, coy or confident, reticent or uninhibited. In and out of bed, his Murph was sexy as fuck.

Connor felt the undeniable pull of attraction as Murphy stared at him through the dark fringe of hair that hung in his eyes, his gaze smoldering and intense as he waited for Connor to move closer. Neither twin blinked as the oldest of the pair quickly closed the gap between them, his bare feet silent on the plush green carpet. Connor pressed his chest into Murphy’s back and he wrapped his arms around his lover’s slender waist as he nuzzled Murphy’s freshly washed hair, slowly inhaling his scent.

“Fucking hell, you smell good,” Connor growled, hugging Murphy tighter as one hand lifted the hem of his boyfriend’s t-shirt to allow his other hand to slide inside. The necktie hung from his sweaty grip down the length of his brother’s abdomen and the silky garment swung like a pendulum directly in front of the bulge in Murphy’s jeans as Connor rocked his lover in his arms. Connor grinned at the dampness he discovered when he buried his nose deeper into the auburn thickness and he reveled in the tactile sensation of Murphy’s fingertips as the younger twin stroked his forearms with a tender touch.

He teased the hot flesh of Murphy’s flat belly, lightly pinching and feeling the twitch of the taut muscles before moving deeper inside the cottony softness of his lover’s shirt. Murphy was lean with hardly an ounce of fat on his body and as Connor spread his fingers and flattened his hand against his brother’s heated skin, he felt the expansion of Murphy’s chest as he breathed deeply and enjoyed his lover’s attention.

Connor rested his chin on his brother’s shoulder and he marveled at how perfectly their bodies fit together. No matter their position, they could touch almost every inch of each other from head to toe with little more than a hair between them. Where Connor’s body was prominent, Murphy was concave. And where Murphy’s body curved, Connor’s dipped. Their symmetry was undeniable and Connor felt a surge of excitement over how snugly the roundness of Murphy’s ass fit against the ridge of his groin.

“I wish we didn’t have to leave,” Murphy quietly said, his yearning tone breaking Connor’s heart a tiny bit. All Murphy ever wanted was to be with Connor…..to love him like any other person could. They had pretended all weekend that they were like any other couple but the truth is, they’re not. They’re not Connor and Brian or Murphy and Jonathan. Fuck, they’re not even Connor and Katie. They’re Connor and Murphy. Brothers..... _twins._ Siblings and lovers all rolled into one. Murphy would never trade his brother for anything but at the same time, he ached for a normalcy they’d never enjoy and the freedom other couples took for granted.

“I want to stay here forever,” Murphy softly added, his words holding a sincerity he couldn’t deny.

“Me too.”

“I mean it, Connor. I don’t want to go home.”

Home meant they’d have to be careful again. There’d be no more public displays of affection, at least not like they wanted. Connor wouldn’t hold his hand while walking down the street, he wouldn’t push Murphy up against a brick wall and demand to be kissed and he certainly wouldn’t tell people he was Murphy’s boyfriend. Home meant Murphy wouldn’t see that bold look Connor gave him all weekend, the hungry look that gave the darker twin shivers, the look that said _you’re fucking mine._

It just wasn’t fair to lose all that.

“I know, Murph. I know,” Connor said simply as he kissed his brother’s neck, instinctively feeling the ache in Murphy’s heart and the tremor in his soul. He wished they could stay and savor just one more precious day as lovers without any fear of discovery.....Connor would do anything if he could give that gift to his love but the money left from graduation just wasn’t enough to pay for another night. Connor held tight onto his twin and comforted him with his presence as he attempted to soothe his boyfriend with a promise they both knew was empty. “Maybe we can come back again someday.”

Murphy nodded and softly sighed in resignation before whispering the saddest word Connor heard all weekend. “Maybe.”

They stayed in place for a few minutes, just leaning into each other before Murphy took the initiative to end the solemn moment by tugging at the tie in Connor’s sweaty palm. Connor released the silky fabric from his grip and he slid his hands to his brother’s hips, his tongue licking his dry lips without any realization when Murphy bent forward to tuck the garment into the knapsack that was resting on the bed.

“Good Lord, Murph. You testing my willpower?” Connor joked when Murphy’s ass pushed against the zipper in his jeans, the swaying motion of his boyfriend’s hips and the overtly sexual position of their bodies instantly heightening his senses. Connor pursed his lips and exhaled slowly through his mouth in an attempt to remain in control as his fingers shifted and dug painfully into his brother’s body. All he could envision was plunging his cock deep inside that tight fucking heat in front of him, over and over and over.

Murphy glanced over his shoulder with a wide-eyed innocent look that usually meant he wanted to play, although this time he really wasn’t trying to be a cocktease. Shit, Murphy wasn’t even trying to flirt right now. He didn’t think about what he was doing when he leaned forward, he just did it. Yet sometimes when he didn’t try at all, that’s when Connor seemed to want him most.

“Don’t present to me what I’m not allowed to have,” Connor warned, referring only to their lack of time as he took a small step backward and loudly smacked his brother’s ass cheeks with both hands.

Murphy jumped at the contact and he straightened his body to his full height as he bit back the sudden flash of pain, thankful that Connor seemed to dismiss his reaction as merely a surprise to the ass slap.

“You’re allowed,” Murphy softly corrected, knowing full well what Connor meant but pretending otherwise. “You don’t even have to ask. You’re _always_ allowed.” He half expected Connor to grab at his belt or push him onto the bed and fuck his brains out…..but at the same time, Murphy knew that wouldn’t happen. Not when they had to check-out in a few minutes.

After a beat, Murphy turned to face the man he loved and he slowly took in the features he had memorized years earlier. He’d had the great pleasure of watching his brother grow into the handsomest man he’d ever seen yet at the same time, Murphy didn’t think Connor had changed that much from when they were kids. His facial expressions are exactly the same and he still has those kissable lips and piercing blue eyes Murphy has loved since birth. Connor sports a bit of scruff now and his hair is a touch darker than it used to be but that crease between his eyes is still as sexy as ever, especially when it appears for no reason.....like now.

Sometimes Murphy couldn’t help but stare and he wondered what his boyfriend saw in return. Connor said he was sexy and hot and the best person he knew. He actually called Murphy beautiful. But Murphy just didn’t see it. And when people back home talked about twins, they said there was always one twin that was different.....or odd. One that wasn’t quite normal. He didn’t have to be a fucking genius to know they were talking about him, he heard their whispers. It was obvious he was the fucked up twin. But how much of that was because of those meetings in the rectory? Could he blame everything on Father O’Shea? Or was he fucked up at birth?

Murphy supposed he’d never know the answer to those questions, not that it really mattered. Fucked up is fucked up, no matter when it started. It just hurt.....it hurt so fucking much sometimes. Murphy just wanted to be normal.

Connor’s instincts screamed at him and the crease between his brows deepened with each passing second as his concern grew exponentially. He wanted to know what was going on in his brother’s head but at the same time, Connor was afraid to push. Murphy had promised to never run from him again, and he hadn’t, but that time Murphy ran to Jonathan still echoed in Connor’s mind and ripped his heart to shreds. He understood Murphy needed answers only that fucker could provide and he’d only gone to Jonathan’s looking for that explanation.....but that didn’t diminish the quiver of insecurity Connor still felt to this day. He just couldn’t take it if Murphy ran from him again and the one thing Connor learned from that entire incident was not to push his Murph too hard, too soon.

Connor reached up and gently pushed a thick tuft of hair behind Murphy’s ear, stroking and petting in a soothing manner as he smiled gently at his love. “Your hair is getting darker. It’s not as auburn as it used to be.”

“I was thinking the same about you,” Murphy said with a matching smile and a slight lean into Connor’s fingers. “Except for the auburn thing.”

Murphy recognized his brother’s uneasy expression and he felt like shit for sparking that reaction. Their entire lives Connor worried and fussed over him and more often than not, Murphy felt Connor watching in the night. He protected Murphy and kissed his boo-boo’s, both real and imaginary. He wasn’t just a brother and best friend, a protector and life partner.....Connor was Murphy’s hero and the love of his life.

Murphy lifted his hand and he smoothed the crease between Connor’s eyebrows with an attention to detail the younger twin rarely possessed. The strokes of love were unhurried in their comfort and warmth and as Murphy ran his fingers down his brother’s cheek, his gentle touch conveyed not only adoration but profound devotion.

“You really have the best face, Connor.”

Connor’s face visibly relaxed under his boyfriend’s nurturing hand as a wave of love flowed through his body and engulfed his heart. Just hearing Murphy say his name was the sweetest sound on earth but when he coupled it with words that reminded Connor of a special moment, the older twin felt tears threatening. “You said the exact same thing the morning after our first date. Do you remember?”

Every minute spent with Connor was burned into Murphy’s memory and his eyes practically sparkled as he revisited that moment in time. It was one of his favorite remembrances, not just because it was the morning after their first date, but because it was the first time he touched Connor like a boyfriend and not a brother. Murphy had dreamt of that possibility for years but up until that first brush of fingers to cock, he wasn’t sure it would ever happen. It sounded strange, but that touch was monumental in ways most people could never comprehend.

That day, Connor had said yes. Not just yes to a hand job but yes to a relationship, a possibility.....a future. What they did was far more than just a sexual act or a dirty deed, it wasn’t merely one man pleasuring the other, it was Connor’s acceptance of his sexual attraction to Murphy. It was an affirmation to risk it all just for the chance to build something of substance and not fantasy, to take that first step toward the intimacy they both craved. And Connor’s yes meant Father O’Shea was wrong. Someone could love Murphy. _Connor_ loved Murphy. They may not have gone all the way that morning but Connor said the one syllable that made life worth living. Connor had said yes.

“We were in your bed,” Murphy began with a shy edge to his voice, thinking of how gentle Connor had been with him, almost like Murphy was something to be cared for and treasured. “You looked so surprised when I climbed on top of you. And you kissed my fingertips when I touched your mouth.”

“Your fingers were trembling,” Connor quietly added with a tilt of his head, delighting in the surprised look on his lover’s face. He wasn’t about to mention it, but Murphy’s fingers _still_ trembled when he touched Connor.

“You noticed that?”

“Of course I noticed.”

Murphy should have known Connor would catch how hard he shook, not much slipped by his twin, but it was unusual for Connor not to mention it before now. Usually his brother razzed him and drove his jokes into the ground until Murphy got so annoyed that he threw things at Connor’s head. But this time there was no joking or mocking of any kind, there was no brotherly banter.....this time there was only a boyfriend’s quiet understanding. Connor knew why his lover shook. And he’d never tease him for it.

“You were so nervous and scared,” Connor said as he reflected on the moment that changed his life, that very first intimate touch. Not only did it solidify his desire and need to be with this man, it brought to the forefront a love Connor couldn’t live without. “And so amazing.”

“It was only a hand job, Conn,” Murphy mumbled dismissively as his blush intensified. His eyes darted across his brother’s face before he quietly added, “Amazing came later. In the barn.”

“Aye.....that it did.” Connor’s left eyebrow rose dramatically as he nodded in agreement and blindly found Murphy’s hand with his own. His thumb moved in a slow circle across the pale flesh as his younger half trembled in his grip, the same tremble Connor felt his entire life but didn’t understand until recently. “I couldn’t get enough of you. Fuck, I still can’t get enough of you. You fucking _own_ me, Murph.”

“I know.”

Connor had expected a shy look and a lip bite from his twin, perhaps a quiet whine of his name or maybe a tender kiss with lots of tongue. It wasn’t often he was taken aback and Connor’s mouth opened in shock as he stared dumbfounded at his smirking twin until they both broke into a spontaneous fit of loud laughter. His shy and sexy Murph could still shock the fuck out of Connor every once in a while and the older twin wiped at his eyes as he tried to contain his amusement. “You’re such a little shit.”

“I know,” Murphy reiterated and giggled in response, barely able to get the words out. It felt so fucking good to laugh and relieve a bit of the apprehension he felt over going back home, even if it was only a temporary reprieve.

“You do realize you’ll pay for that comment,” Connor warned once their laughter abated, his mind already working on a punishment for his lover’s playful little tease. Nothing too severe or extreme, maybe just some leather bindings and hot wax…..and perhaps a paddle of some kind, just to spank Murphy’s naughty little ass.

“God, Connor. I hope so.”

“Oh you will pay, brother mine,” Connor said with a slow smile, sensing Murphy’s excitement over the prospect of raunchy sex play as well as his curiosity over what plan Connor would implement. “And that’s not a threat, it’s a promise.”

Murphy stared at his twin with wide-eyed anticipation as his mind ran amuck with the endless possibilities, each one as appealing as the next. Murphy wanted his boyfriend to make good on his promise right the fuck now but he also wanted to give Connor time to come up with something really good, something they’d both enjoy…..something that required lots of privacy. Fucking hell, Murphy was already losing his mind. He just wanted Connor to fuck him again.

“You think you can take whatever I dish out?”

“Haven’t I always?” Murphy immediately responded as he did his best to look confident. He trusted Connor implicitly and he’d do anything his lover demanded but that didn’t mean he wasn’t nervous as hell.

“So far,” Connor said cryptically as he reached up with both hands and pushed the hair back from Murphy’s forehead. His fingers combed through the long strands a half dozen times before he was satisfied with the grooming and he slid his hands downward until they settled at the base of Murphy’s neck, his calloused thumb reddening his twin’s tattoo as he roughly stroked the skin.

At times like this, when Connor was suggestive in his words and manner, it was obvious he was teetering on the edge of something a bit more daring than the light bondage they had previously experimented with. But it confused the fuck out of Murphy when Connor failed to act on that sexual hunger.....it’s not like Murphy would tell him no. In fact, Murphy had those same desires himself. He just didn’t know how to ask for what he wanted without sounding like a sex fiend.

As Connor’s eyes scanned his face, Murphy reflected on the past couple days and things started to make sense. It was so ironic. He knew Connor better than anyone else on the planet but it took leaving home for Murphy to understand why his lover hesitated. Connor was in boyfriend mode all weekend and as much as Murphy had his guard down, so did Connor. He inadvertently let Murphy see things he normally hid as the unfiltered fear deep in Connor’s soul shown through his eyes and traveled at lightning speed across their twin connection.

God, it was so fucking obvious.

Connor was terrified. He knew what Murphy had gone through in the rectory, how he’d been held down and repeatedly violated.....and choked. If Connor got too aggressive or extreme, if Murphy felt trapped and out of control, it might trigger a memory and a feeling of panic. It could reignite the agony and the suffering could begin anew. Murphy might even run. Connor was frozen in fear over the thought of Murphy feeling that way with him, of being his trigger. He’d rather die than cause his love that sort of pain.

Murphy bit his lip to stave off his tears as his eyes softened with understanding. Connor was too busy protecting him from the past to see what was going on in the present. Never once has Murphy felt frightened when they were together. That crippling fear and overwhelming desperation from years earlier is non-existent in their relationship. Connor is his answer to the question why. He’s the sole reason why Murphy survived. He’s the reason why Murphy smiles, why he has a future and why he knows what love is. Connor listens and understands, he holds Murphy when the tears start and he wipes away the pain when it’s over.

Connor is Murphy’s safe place. Then and now.

“You don’t have to be careful with me, Connor.”

Despite his best efforts, Connor’s jaw began to twitch and his mood suddenly darkened. Not because Connor thought his lover couldn’t handle any sex game he proposed but because his Murph had said those very same words when he first told Connor he wasn’t a virgin. Fucking hell, Connor could still picture his brother’s pained expression as he tried to be vague and not let on that he’d been brutally raped dozens of times at the hands of a godless man.

“Conn?”

Murphy’s whisper pulled his twin back to the present and Connor quickly reminded himself that things are different now. His Murph isn’t the suicidal and broken boy he once was. Murphy is incredibly strong. He’s healing. And while Connor still feels a burning rage over what happened to his twin, his primary focus is, was and always would be on his brother’s recovery and future happiness.

“I promise I won’t break,” the younger twin vowed as he dipped his head to catch his brother’s eyes.

“I know you won’t break, Murph,” Connor said quietly but with a voice filled with conviction. Even though Connor was certain Murphy didn’t realize the impact of his words or the memory they created, they still cut Connor like a knife and sent a chill up his spine.

Fingers grazed Connor’s waist as Murphy reached for his belt loops and once they latched on, Connor was pulled forward by his jeans with a rough tug.

“Prove it.”

Connor snorted at his lover’s challenge and he tightened his fingers on the back of Murphy’s neck as the room filled with the sexual energy of two young men in love. Connor pushed down the fear clinging to his heart as he tried to convince himself that his brother’s words were true.....Murphy was fine. He wouldn’t break. Connor was just being overprotective, as usual.

“I’m waiting.”

Murphy had the cutest way of tilting his head when he wanted to be kissed, it was a subtle signal he wasn’t aware of but one Connor had grown to recognize. Even when they were kids, Murphy would stare at him with that fucking head tilt and at the time, Connor thought his brother was just being a jackass. But now he knew better. Murphy was burning with desire. He wanted lips.....and who was Connor to deny something his boyfriend wanted?

Connor lowered his head as Murphy lifted his chin and parted his lips but the older twin stopped millimeters short of an actual kiss, the proximity of his mouth torturing his younger half as their breath intermingled in hot bursts. A fistful of hair was grabbed and Connor pulled his boyfriend’s head back with a force that caused Murphy to gasp loudly with surprise and excitement.

Wet lips covered the tattoo on Murphy’s neck and Connor gently sucked on the exposed skin, careful not to leave a mark on the tender flesh. He didn’t need to see Murphy’s face to know his eyes were closed in pleasure and Connor licked a slow trail downward as he pulled the collar of his boyfriend’s t-shirt out of his way, a slight ripping sound going unnoticed by both men. Once he reached Murphy’s collarbone, Connor sucked two small but very dark lovebites in a place only they would see before releasing the shirt and allowing it to hide his marks.

Murphy was beet red and he struggled not to pant as Connor maneuvered his head into a face-to-face position and gave him exactly what he wanted. Their lips pressed together in a rough kiss as Connor’s fingers pulled forward, drawing his boyfriend closer to taste deeper as Murphy responded with soft moans and hard tugs on Connor’s belt loops.

The grinding began when Murphy leaned hard into Connor and straddled his thigh, his slim hips moving in quick thrusting motions as he rode his brother’s leg and almost knocked them both to the ground. As his body moved, Murphy pressed more of his weight into his boyfriend and his leg wormed its way deep between Connor’s thighs, rewarding him with the same stimulation the darker twin was enjoying.

Connor tongue fucked his boyfriend’s mouth, slow and wet at first, but quickly becoming more aggressive and deep as his excitement grew. Murphy responded to his lips the way he always did.....mouth open, willing and eager for tongue as he clung to his brother’s body and began to stiffen in his pants.

He moaned into Murphy’s mouth as their tongues teased each other, their growing excitement becoming more obvious by the second, and Connor reached up to stroke his brother’s face with a loving touch. He considered replacing tongue with cock as a preliminary to his lover’s reparation, his Murph looked so fucking good on his knees, but the maid’s voice just outside their door reminded Connor of the need to stop any further enjoyment before he got to the point of no return. After a few more tongue thrusts and a loud drawn-out sucking sound, Connor pulled away from his lover with a gentle bite to Murphy’s lower lip and firm hands to his hips to stop further motion.

“Tell her to come back later, Conn,” Murphy moaned as he shifted his weight and tested his boyfriend’s resolve.

Connor squeezed his brother’s hips and held him in place, knowing full fucking well Murphy was too lost in their kiss to notice that the maid didn’t knock on the door, all she did was walk by. Murphy was trying to work him with those puppy dog eyes and that whispery soft voice that usually enslaved the lighter twin.....and fucking hell, Connor was tempted to do whatever the fuck his boyfriend wanted but they had delayed the inevitable as long as they could. The next time the maid wouldn’t just walk by, she’d definitely interrupt.

“We should have been out of here ten minutes ago, Murph,” Connor explained as he reached up and wiped the moisture from his brother’s kiss swollen lips with slow swipes of his thumb. As Murphy’s eyes studied him, Connor saw a look that was both familiar and foreign at the same time, almost as if Murphy somehow figured out Connor’s hidden fear and was trying to decide what to do next.

“So what? I bet lots of people check out late.”

Connor’s laugh was dirty sounding and filled with temptation as he considered his brother’s suggestion. It was difficult to ignore that hard cock pressed into his thigh and that lusty look on his boyfriend’s face.....all he’d have to do is say yes and Murphy would be all over him again. But as the sound of the maid working in the next room reached his ears, Connor knew they just didn’t have the luxury of time. A few minutes with Murphy wouldn’t be enough. Connor needed hours.

Murphy tried to seduce Connor with his eyes while he waited for his final decision, knowing how tempted his lover was to stay, and he sighed quietly at his failure when Connor reached around his body and picked up the knapsack from the bed.

“You’re no fun, Connor.”

“That’s not what you said last night,” Connor teased as he pulled the knapsack onto his shoulder and smirked at his twin.

“You were sucking my dick,” Murphy mumbled with a slight blush and averted eyes as he released his grip on Connor’s belt loops and slid off his thigh. “Dick sucking makes you more fun. It’s a fact.”

“Oh,” Connor responded as he took a step back and paused momentarily for emphasis, his amusement barely contained. “And here I thought it was my eight inch cock that makes me more fun.”

“It does,” Murphy immediately responded as he remembered how good it felt to have that eight inch cock pumping inside him. “But only when you’re hard.”

They caught eyes and shared a knowing smile over Murphy’s logic, both twins understanding it was merely a playful tease between lovers. Connor blindly found his boyfriend’s hand and he gave it a firm squeeze as if to apologize in some way, his heart heavy with regret over having to leave.

“It’s okay, Conn. I know we have to go.”

Connor slowly nodded as his lips pressed together in an effort to keep his emotions in check. He silently led the way across the room and they only released hands to put on their shoes, their fingers instantly lacing back together for the walk outside. The older twin reached for the doorknob but before he could turn the brass handle, Murphy halted the motion with a gentle call of his name.

When Connor turned toward his brother, Murphy leaned forward and kissed his lips with a gentleness reserved only for the man he loved. “You make me so happy, Conn. Thank you for this weekend. It really was the best ever.”

“It won’t be the last, Murph. I promise you.....wherever we end up, we’ll find a place just like this one to sneak off to. We’ll have lots of weekends like this, just you and me. I promise.”

Connor was a man of his word and Murphy took comfort in his brother’s heartfelt promise. His Connor would do everything in his power to find a special place just like this one, a place they could be together as lovers and not worry who might see them.

Murphy clung to Connor’s body the entire ride home, although this time his hands didn’t roam like before. There was a distinct sadness they didn’t want to acknowledge but neither twin could ignore and the closer they got to town, the tighter Murphy held on. Once the bike was dropped off to its owner, they walked toward The Anvil together, side by side but without holding hands.

“You haven’t said a word since we left the hotel,” Connor observed, stopping his twin with a light touch to his bicep just before they entered the pub. He slid his hand upward past Murphy’s shoulder and gently squeezed the back of his twin’s neck, wishing he could do more than this innocuous gesture. “I know how hard it’ll be to be careful again.....to not hold hands or touch each other.”

Murphy couldn’t help but smile at his sometimes clueless brother. Connor thought Murphy would be the one to struggle with the no touching but that wasn’t the case. Murphy had been practicing that rule for years. Even when he was 13, he knew he couldn’t touch Connor the way he wanted.....Murphy needed to keep his hands to himself to keep his brother in his life. So he’d learned to look and not touch too much, he stared and chewed on his fingers while pretending one day Connor would want him in a non-brotherly way. Up until their first kiss, Murphy’s entire existence had been one of painful denial.

“God, it isn’t hard to not touch you. It’s fucking impossible,” Connor mumbled, suddenly realizing where his hand was located. He never noticed how much he actually touched his Murph, how often his hands stroked and reached for him. But Murphy knew. He lived for it. “I guess I should be more careful. People might see.”

“Let ‘em fucking look.”

Connor’s fingers slid upward and he tugged gently on a large tuft of hair, reminding both brothers just how much Connor liked to play in that softness when they kissed. They stared at each other and for the briefest moment, Murphy thought Connor might actually kiss him.....but instead of a tender moment with his lover, Connor opened the door and the sounds of the pub washed over them.

They had agreed their visit would be brief.....just get in, get any leftover graduation cards and get the fuck out. But everyone seemed to want a piece of them, especially Uncle Sibeal, who continually asked questions neither twin could answer. Where had they disappeared to? Why in the world would they leave their party? Did they have a good time celebrating their graduation?

The last question made Murphy blush and the lovers exchanged a look only they understood as Murphy deferred to Connor for most of the answers. After all, Murphy couldn’t lie without looking at his feet and Connor was a master bullshitter.

Once the questions were answered to their uncle’s satisfaction, he handed over the remaining cards and a couple of small wrapped gifts before leaving the twins to themselves. As was customary between them, Connor insisted Murphy do the honors and read the cards aloud while he sat back and enjoyed the sound of his boyfriend’s animated voice. Connor watched and listened, he ooh’d and aah’d when Murphy showed him how much money was inside each card and when it came time to open the gifts, Connor continued to indulge his twin.

“This one’s addressed only to me,” Murphy reported when he got to the final gift, a small box wrapped in decorative silver paper with a tiny satin bow adorning the top. His face scrunched up in confusion as he stared at the pretty package.....it didn’t make sense, they’re twins. All the gifts should be for _both_ of them.

“What’s the nametag say?”

“It just has my name. Nothing else.”

Connor held out his hand and Murphy instantly placed the box in his brother’s palm as he shifted nervously on his barstool and began to chew his thumbnail. Connor studied the gift carefully.....turning it over in his hand, rattling the contents and inspecting the tiny name card before passing it back to his younger sibling with a shrug of his shoulders.

“I don’t recognize the writing. It’s pretty fancy wrapping though. Maybe you have a secret admirer, Murph.”

“That’s not funny, Connor,” Murphy quickly responded as a sick feeling formed in the pit of his stomach.

“You’re right. It’s not,” Connor agreed as he glanced around the pub to see if anyone was watching his Murph to see him open the gift. He relaxed slightly when his eyes only saw the usual patrons, all too consumed with their whiskey to care what the MacManus twins were doing. “I guess I just don’t like someone giving you mysterious gifts.”

“It’s probably just a mistake. Whoever it’s from just forgot to put your name on the card too. Stuff like that happens all the time,” Murphy reasoned as his fingers played with the bow, his mind struggling to come up with an explanation that made sense. “Remember when we were twelve? Ma threw us that party but she forgot to put my name on our birthday present that year. At least I _think_ she forgot.”

“Murphy,” Connor began, remembering the devastated look in his brother’s eyes as Murphy stood in the midst of their relatives while their mother explained why his name wasn’t included.

“My point is, even ma forgot to put her own son’s name on a gift,” Murphy continued without missing a beat, only the slight tremble in his voice giving away his emotional distress. “It happens. Right?”

Connor leaned forward and he touched his brother’s knee, drawing Murphy’s attention away from the sparkly package. There was a lingering pain deep within those blue eyes that was obvious only to Connor.....it was like a wound that scabbed over but never quite healed.

“Yeah, it happens,” Connor quietly said, knowing there were no words he could say that would diminish his brother’s suffering. They talked about that birthday many times throughout the years and even though it continued to enrage Connor, they had concluded it truly was just a mistake brought on by their mother’s heavy drinking. But that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

They sat in silence for a few moments and Connor kept his hand on his boyfriend’s knee, not giving a shit who saw his tender display. His Murph needed comfort and Connor would be damned if he didn’t give it.

“I’m okay,” Murphy assured his love as Connor squeezed his leg. He took a deep breath and made a conscious effort to let go of the past, instead focusing on the here and now as he shook the box in his hand. “What do you think it is?”

“There’s only one way to find out,” Connor responded matter-of-factly as he released his grip on his brother and sat back, his head cocking to the side as he watched Murphy closely. “Open it.”

Murphy shook the box once more before tossing it onto the top of the bar with a dismissive flick of his wrist. He shifted in his seat and rubbed his hands on his thighs, almost as if he was trying to wipe something foul from his skin.

“Connor?”

“It’s your gift, not mine,” Connor said as gently as he could, knowing exactly what Murphy wanted without his having to ask. “You should be the one to open it.”

Murphy’s eyes begged for the indulgence Connor usually heaped upon him but this time he coupled it with a whispered plea, knowing his boyfriend couldn’t resist that combination. “Please, Connor. I just can’t.”

Connor sighed quietly and drummed his fingers on the bar as his eyes drifted to the silver package. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was just as nervous about the gift as Murphy was.....maybe even more so, considering who he suspected it was from. He scooped up the gift and in one smooth motion, both wrapping paper and bow were ripped off and crumbled into a ball.

“You sure?” Connor asked his wide eyed twin, giving him one final opportunity to open the box himself. Murphy nodded his head and Connor returned to the task at hand, lifting the lid and pulling off a small piece of cotton to reveal what was hidden inside.

“Well, someone knows you like wolves,” Connor announced as he studied the contents, surprise etched on his face at the seemingly innocent gift. His finger dug inside the cardboard container and he pulled out a small round magnet, the type a person has on their refrigerator. “It’s definitely not new though.”

“Let me see it.”

Murphy knew Connor was watching for a reaction and he tried to keep his face neutral as he took the magnet from his brother’s hand. Murphy didn’t want to recognize it, he wanted it to be completely foreign.....but it wasn’t. It was the same wolf magnet he’d admired in Jonathan’s kitchen, the one Murphy said was cool and reminded him of a book Connor had once given him.

“Why did he give you a magnet?” Connor knew exactly who gave Murphy that gift, he didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure it out and he certainly didn’t need his brother to tell him. The look on Murphy’s face told Connor everything he needed to know, except why.

“Because he’s a prick.”

Connor reached for the magnet and he returned it to the box, quickly replacing the lid to obliterate the offensive object from his sight. His instinct to defend his boyfriend raged like an inferno deep in his gut and Connor was moments away from storming out the door and beating the shit out of Murphy’s ex.

“Connor, don’t.”

“Why the fuck not, Murph?” Connor spat as he slammed the box on the bar, causing heads to momentarily turn in their direction. He ran his hand over his face as he quickly composed himself, his anger controlled yet still burning hot as he lowered his voice to a whisper. “I’m your boyfriend. It’s my job to protect you.”

“Beating him up won’t help,” Murphy pointed out with a softness in his voice that he knew calmed his twin. “It’ll just give him ammunition.”

While he waited for his brother to realize he was right, Murphy debated what to do. He certainly couldn’t let Connor return the gift and there was no way in hell Murphy would ever keep it. He really wanted to throw the fucking magnet in the garbage where it belonged. Or maybe burn it. But then he’d run the risk of Jonathan thinking he kept it, which could encourage the man. Fuck. There was no way around it, the gift definitely needed to be returned.....and only Murphy could do it.

“I’m giving it back,” Murphy firmly announced as he took possession of the box and readied himself for the resistance Connor was certain to give.

“Fine. Let’s go.”

Murphy paused in shock at the lack of his brother’s argument but quickly realized Connor wasn’t relenting, he misunderstood. He expected to be by Murphy’s side when he returned the gift, not waiting elsewhere.

“I know him, Connor. If you’re with me, he’ll think I’m only giving it back because of you. Like you’re making me or something,” Murphy reasoned sheepishly, his eyes full of an apology he wished he didn’t have to give. “He needs to know it’s my decision.”

Connor listened to his brother’s explanation as he struggled to come to grips with the situation. He loved his boyfriend’s innocence and naiveté but at the same time, it could be Murphy’s downfall. Without a doubt, Connor knew Jonathan was hoping Murphy would contact him.....either to return the gift or to thank him, it probably didn’t matter to the man which one. Either way, Jonathan would get to see Murphy again.

“Jesus Christ. I thought we were done with that fucker,” Connor said through clenched teeth, angry at himself for being stupid enough to let his guard down. He had expected that asshole to show up at their graduation party but when he didn’t appear, Connor began to relax. He actually thought Murphy was right, Jonathan finally accepted their breakup. He should have fucking known better.

“I’m sorry.”

Connor’s eyes found his brother’s penitent gaze and he dismissed Murphy’s guilt with a simple shake of his head as he wordlessly conveyed his understanding. His brother held no blame in this, none at all. Murphy wasn’t responsible for the actions of his ex-boyfriend. He didn’t encourage the man, the attention was completely unwarranted. Yet Murphy was still being manipulated into a meeting with a man Connor didn’t trust.

“You promised me, Murph,” Connor quietly said. “You fucking promised me.”

The pain in Connor’s voice reverberated through Murphy’s body and into his soul. He knew exactly what promise his boyfriend meant, he remembered it like it was yesterday. Murphy wasn’t supposed to be alone with Jonathan ever again, not for any reason, not even to return an ill-conceived gift. And there was no fucking way Murphy would ever break a promise to this man.

They decided together that Murphy would still return the gift to his ex, without Connor. But he would do it in a public location, somewhere no one would pay them any attention and a place both brothers could agree upon. Somewhere safe.

“He refused to meet me at the diner,” Murphy advised his nervous brother after calling Jonathan from the phone in their uncle’s backroom. He wasn’t about to tell Connor that Jonathan insisted they meet at his place and he only relented when Murphy told him to fuck off.

“So where are you supposed to meet him then?”

“Here. He’s on his way to the pub now.”


	65. Blindsided

Murphy sat silently at the bar with his gaze fixated on the small gift box directly in front of him as he waited to confront the man he once called his current. He tried to remain still but his nervous energy could not be contained and his leg began to bounce up and down, its rapid rhythm matching the painful pounding of his heart, beat for beat. He felt the eyes of his uncle watching him from across the room, probably wondering why one twin left for home while the other remained behind, and Murphy mindlessly rubbed his chin before reaching for his glass of cola. The cold drink did nothing to settle his stomach and if truth be told, Murphy would have preferred beer, but minutes earlier the elderly barkeep had taken away the lone bottle the young man had snitched and replaced it with soda.

The dark haired twin shifted in his seat and he took deep breaths in an effort to calm himself but that only made him lightheaded and unable to focus. Fuck. If only Connor was here. Murphy didn’t like being without his twin, not for one minute....it felt unnatural, almost as if a part of him was missing. He wouldn’t be this anxious if his boyfriend was with him, he just knew it. Connor has a way of settling him down that no one else seems to possess, he knows just what to say or do, and that natural ability has only grown stronger as their relationship progressed.

Murphy was actually a bit surprised his brother gave in and left, considering how protective he is, and he wished he hadn’t been so insistent about handling Jonathan alone. Connor practically begged to stay and their discussion had grown heated with one twin utilizing logic and the other emotion, their roles strangely reversed. Murphy understood his brother’s feelings, he really did, but he’d been firm in the face of Connor’s impassioned argument and now he could kick himself for being so fucking stubborn. He shouldn’t have worked Connor like he did, that was wrong. But just like the million times before this, Connor gave in to his Murph.....even if it went against the older twin’s better judgment.

Murphy quietly sighed, the weight of their disagreement still heavy on his shoulders. No....as much as his heart screams for Connor, it was the right decision to make him leave, Murphy is sure of it. Jonathan needs to know that returning the gift is solely _his_ decision and that Connor has nothing to do with it. If Connor was here and he saw something he didn’t like, something he deemed inappropriate or offensive, he’d intervene. Connor would protect, even if it meant breaking his promise to stay out of the way. As much as Murphy adores that quality in his lover and soul mate, he just can’t risk Connor getting hurt. Besides, Murphy can handle his ex-boyfriend on his own. He’s done it before just fine.

Jesus, who is he fooling? Murphy shook his head and rolled his eyes at his own idiocy, he really needs to quit lying to himself. Other than that awkward meeting at the diner, every single interaction with Jonathan was a complete fucking disaster and not once did Murphy handle it well. He let himself be manipulated at the pharmacy and mauled at the pub before beating Jonathan to a bloody pulp on the side of the road. And if Connor hadn’t found him that day at the creek, drunk and pinned to the ground beneath Jonathan, only God knows what might have happened.

Murphy ran his sweaty palms down his thighs and his teeth gnawed furiously on his bottom lip as he told himself to calm the fuck down. Jonathan wouldn’t have hurt him like _that,_ Murphy is sure of it. And regardless of those past encounters, things are different now. Murphy’s not the same person he was back then. He’s changed, he’s more confident....even Connor said as much. And Murphy isn’t about to let Jonathan take advantage of the situation. All their previous meetings had been unexpected and there hadn’t been time to prepare or wonder what would happen, it just..... _happened._ But this time, Murphy’s ready for Jonathan. He knows exactly what he wants to say and despite Connor’s concerns, he isn’t scared of the man, not in the least.

But Jonathan’s behavior is unpredictable and Murphy remembered how angry his ex-boyfriend was the last time they saw each other, angry and still terribly hurt, not that Murphy could blame him for that. Jonathan had been pushy and condescending, judgmental and at times even a bit cold. But he also talked about missing Murphy, his manner had turned gentle and his voice held an obvious ache for what could have been. He even apologized for hitting Murphy at the creek. Maybe Jonathan still feels bad for what happened between them and the gift is his way to make amends. Maybe he’s just trying to be nice. That’s possible, isn’t it?

Connor used the word “obsessed” when he talked about Murphy’s ex and he was insistent Jonathan is attempting to maneuver himself back into Murphy’s life, any way he can. He’d use anything and everything to get a leg up, even something as benign as a magnet, Connor had repeatedly stressed. Murphy didn’t want to believe that was true, he wanted Connor to be wrong about this one, but it didn’t seem likely. Shit, the gift itself is proof Jonathan hasn’t let Murphy go yet. It isn’t a peace offering or a token of apology. It’s a tool meant to evoke a memory and thereby create an opening in Murphy’s heart just large enough for Jonathan to worm into.

Murphy leaned forward and he rested his elbows on the bar, his long fingers toying with the box as he wondered how Jonathan will react when the gift is returned. There’s no fucking way he’ll just take it back and leave. Jonathan will want to talk and he’ll demand an explanation, that much is certain. What if he makes a scene right here in the pub? Murphy wouldn’t put it past his ex to do that and Murphy won’t be able to put him in his place, not without everyone knowing they had dated. It’s not like Jonathan cares who knows but Murphy certainly does. And what if Jonathan comes onto him? Or worse.....what if Jonathan touches him and won’t stop? Like before?

The body tremors were instantaneous as the memory of Jonathan’s groping hand from months prior reminded Murphy of another unwanted touch and a violation of the worst kind. His chin quivered and he blinked back salty tears as he tried to drive the images from his mind.....pictures of himself struggling as he’s held down and brutally entered, visions of his panicked fight for air as fingers tighten around his throat, flashes of blood and pain. The memory was horribly vivid yet at the same time, it felt like it was someone else that priest repeatedly raped, some other young boy who had wished for death to free him from his living nightmare. That first assault was over two years ago but for Murphy MacManus.....it happened just yesterday, or so it seemed.

God, he can still hear his own screams echoing in his head.

“Murphy?” Sibeal quietly inquired, his eyes soft and concerned over the state of his nephew. “Are you all right, lad?”

Murphy was too consumed with the horror that was his yesterday to notice his uncle’s approach and when the older man gently touched his forearm in an attempt to gain his attention, Murphy violently flinched.

“I.....I’m s-sorry, Uncle Sibeal,” Murphy stammered, his eyes wide with shock over his own reaction as his uncle carefully withdrew his hand. Murphy forgot where he was, his mind had transported him into the diseased past that was bereft of light and hope.....his struggle to not cry as real now as it was back then. “I guess I was somewhere else.”

“You’re shaking like a leaf,” his uncle observed as he studied the young man carefully, noting how watery his eyes had become.

“I’m okay.”

No sooner had that lie left his lips when Murphy felt the lilting touch of Connor’s thoughts, a caress really, as his partner soothed his emotions and whispered love into his heart. Their souls spoke to each other just as clearly as if they were together and when the darker twin cried out for someone, even silently.....Connor heard.

“You don’t look okay.”

Murphy shrugged dismissively and picked at his thumbnail, not knowing how to respond to his uncle’s statement of fact when only Connor knew the true horrors of his past. He felt the distinct presence of his lover as Connor cocooned him in a protective sheath, shielding the younger twin from further trauma as their twin mojo kicked into high gear. Murphy would give anything on God’s green earth to have Connor hold him right now, anything at all.

“Well, I suppose you have a lot on your mind,” Sibeal continued with an understanding smile, thinking he knew what troubled his young nephew when in reality, he didn’t have a fucking clue. Murphy slowly nodded in response and when his uncle reached forward and gently patted him on the arm, Murphy made a conscious effort not to recoil. “That’s what I thought. I told your ma to be patient with you, it’s not easy figuring things out at your age.”

Murphy had no idea what the fuck his uncle was talking about but he welcomed the distraction, as confusing as it was. It was actually comical to think of his ma being patient with him, Murphy wasn’t sure that was even possible. It would be like Connor letting him walk in front of a bus, it just wouldn’t happen. And what did Uncle Sibeal think Murphy had to figure out? That made no sense at all. Murphy knew exactly what he wanted in life and what his future held.....Connor. It was as simple as that.

“Did you hear me?”

“Huh?” Murphy was thinking of his love and in that split second, he was lost in the minutiae that made his Connor so incredibly unique.

“I said who are you waiting for? It’s obviously not Connor, seeing as he just left.”

Murphy slowly blinked as he stared at his uncle and debated his answer. How could he respond without incriminating himself and exposing his sexual orientation? He certainly couldn’t say he was waiting for his ex-boyfriend and he couldn’t describe Jonathan as an acquaintance.....when he showed up, it would be obvious they’d been much more than that, especially with a gift involved. There was really only one way to describe Jonathan, only one word that seemed to fit, even though it was no longer the truth.

“A friend.”

“Oh. A _friend,_ huh?” Sibeal responded with a smirk and an amused chuckle, almost as if he knew something Murphy didn’t. “Just a friend? Nothing more?”

“Like what?” Murphy’s brow furrowed as a feeling of panic formed in his gut. It almost sounded like his uncle knew who he was meeting and what kind of relationship they’d had. But that was impossible.

“I don’t know. You tell me,” Sibeal cryptically said with raised eyebrows and another smirk, his eyes darting downward.

Murphy followed his uncle’s gaze to the box sitting on the bar, the gift Jonathan dropped off during their graduation party after the twins had left. Jesus, what the fuck did Jonathan do? He wouldn’t have told anyone they dated, he wouldn’t do that to Murphy.....he wouldn’t.

“I’m just glad you have a..... _friend_.....who is good to you. A special friend,” Sibeal said as he leaned forward and stared deeply into Murphy’s wide eyes, his manner suddenly serious and exceptionally kind. “You deserve to be happy, Murphy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”

Murphy held his breath for a moment and he stared dumbfounded, staggered by this man’s blind acceptance of his sexual preference. All these years, Murphy had been afraid of his uncle finding out, he’d been terrified of what he would say or do. But all Uncle Sibeal wants is for Murphy to be happy.....and Murphy _is_ happy, he truly fucking is. Just not with the person his uncle expects.

“Uncle Sibeal,” Murphy quietly began, not really knowing what to say but feeling the need to say _something._ “I need to explain.”

“No, lad. You don’t.” The elderly patriarch covered Murphy’s hand with his own and he gave a gentle squeeze before motioning toward the door, drawing Murphy’s attention to the man who had just entered. “Besides, it looks like your friend has finally arrived.”

Jonathan stood tall in the doorway and his eyes instantly found Murphy as a warm smile formed on his face. His gaze held no contempt, nor was there any apparent anger or displeasure, although the lust was still obvious to anyone with eyes. He paused for the briefest moment before moving with purpose toward the bar, toward his very nervous ex-boyfriend.

Murphy blindly scooped up the gift box and he slid off his barstool to meet Jonathan halfway, not wanting the man anywhere near his uncle. The moment they were face-to-face, it dawned on Murphy how much power Jonathan still had over him.....not physically, although Jonathan was certainly superior in strength and size, but power in a more critical area. Just one word from this man could ruin Murphy’s life, only one spoken sentence would expose a love Murphy would gladly die for. Fucking hell, Jonathan held Murphy’s entire existence in the palm of his hand.

“Hello, Murphy.”

Even though Murphy was expecting him, it was still strange seeing Jonathan again and Murphy suddenly felt unsure of himself. He was still reeling from the emotional upheaval of an unwelcome memory that was too quickly followed by the blindsided exposure of his sexuality, his confidence from ten minutes earlier completely shattered. As Jonathan stared him down, Murphy shifted from foot to foot, not knowing what to do or say.

“I see your shyness has returned. I expected a hello or a fuck off, at the very least.”

Murphy glanced over his shoulder and he locked eyes briefly with Sibeal. The old man smiled and nodded his encouragement as Murphy fought the urge to tell his uncle the truth.....Jonathan isn’t Murphy’s special someone, Connor is. But as proud as Murphy is of his boyfriend and as much as he wants to share the story of their incredible romance, he knows better. Uncle Sibeal might understand Murphy is gay but he’d never accept who he’s in love with. With a soft sigh of resignation, Murphy turned back to face his first boyfriend, his determination shaky at best.

“Hi,” Murphy finally mumbled through partially closed lips, his feeble hello reminiscent of the first time they met and the dozens of times after.

“That’s better,” Jonathan said with a soft chuckle as the ache of his desire nearly overwhelmed him with its intensity. His eyes scanned Murphy’s face, taking in every minute detail as he basked in the nearness of his ex before he leaned forward and whispered, “I’ve missed you.”

Murphy ignored the obvious flirtation and he made a conscious effort to maintain eye contact, needing to appear strong and determined. God, he was so fucking mad at Jonathan for talking to his uncle, for the gift, for.....for _everything._ He wanted to tell him to fuck off but Murphy needed to tread lightly, he had to be very careful. One, because he didn’t want to piss Jonathan off and risk a scene. And two, Uncle Sibeal was still within earshot.

“Thanks for meeting me here.”

“Well I really didn’t have a choice, seeing as you refused to come to my place,” Jonathan said with the arrogance of a man who was used to getting his way. “I suppose I have Connor to thank for that.”

Murphy again shifted on his feet, hoping his uncle wasn’t paying too close attention to this conversation. He felt his anger flare with the immediate need to defend his lover, which he supposed was the reaction Jonathan intended. “Connor has nothing to do with it.”

“Bullshit. Connor has everything to do with it,” Jonathan immediately responded as his calm façade evaporated in the blink of an eye. “God forbid you spend ten minutes with me in my apartment, even though you used to spend hours there alone with me. But we wouldn’t want to upset your little boy toy, now would we.”

Even though Jonathan’s words were angry, his voice remained hushed and Murphy chewed on his bottom lip as his ex-boyfriend spoke, letting his controlled reaction speak louder than any words ever could.

“Are you done?”

Those three softly spoken words seemed to startle Jonathan and the older man cocked his head before raising his hands in a defensive posture, seemingly rethinking his position. He took a deep cleansing breath before lowering his hands back to his side, his manner contrite as he responded, “I’m sorry. I didn’t come here to argue. Just.....seeing you again.....fuck.”

Jonathan looked away and he ran his hand over his face, his head shaking slightly as he struggled to regain his composure. After a moment, his eyes returned to Murphy’s face and with a sad smile he admitted, “I didn’t expect to still have such strong feelings and I guess my emotions got the better of me. I just miss you so much, Murphy.”

Murphy felt himself weakening and he hoped it wasn’t a mistake to give Jonathan the benefit of the doubt but he just couldn’t be a heartless prick, not with his ex-boyfriend still in so much pain. It hurt so fucking much to love someone who didn’t love you back, Murphy understood that completely. After all, he felt that same crushing pain for years with Connor before discovering his feelings were reciprocated. Having lived the same type of existence, how could Murphy _not_ commiserate with Jonathan? Especially since he was responsible for this man’s current condition.

“It’s okay,” Murphy simply responded, alleviating his ex-boyfriend’s guilt while still drowning in his own. “I understand how you feel.”

“Yes, I suppose you do,” Jonathan said knowingly as a twinge of jealousy engulfed his heart, remembering all too well their breakup over Murphy’s then unrequited love for his twin. But as much as that pain still resonated deep within him, Jonathan couldn’t help but wonder if he still had a chance with this beautiful blue-eyed boy. After all, his brother was nowhere to be seen. Maybe they were back to being strictly siblings and nothing more. Maybe Murphy is available again.

Pursuing this possibility in the middle of the pub wasn’t an attractive option and Jonathan considered asking Murphy to join him in his car, just to talk of course, but the younger man would likely decline his invitation. Jonathan’s mind raced for an alternative Murphy might permit, something between public scrutiny and complete seclusion, and his eyes settled on the answer. After a moment of careful consideration, Jonathan suggested they move to the back booth where they’d have the privacy to talk freely.

Murphy made a face and visibly cringed at the suggestion as he took a reactive step backward. Jonathan had groped him in that very same booth and the memory made Murphy feel dirty and used, just like when he was 16. That familiar panic started to rise and take shape as Murphy struggled to stifle the shriek of his past demons, his mind telling him he’s fine even as his fear told him to run.

“I’ll be good this time,” Jonathan vowed as he crossed his heart with his index finger. “I promise.”

Murphy didn’t trust Jonathan, not one bit, but what choice did he have? The pub was getting crowded and he had to get his ex-boyfriend away from prying eyes and listening ears. Murphy had to protect Connor and their love from exposure and public condemnation. He quickly scanned the room for alternatives and realized his options were limited. Every other booth was full. Murphy was completely fucked.

“We could leave, if you prefer.”

“No,” Murphy answered a bit too quickly and far too forcefully, not willing to leave the security of his uncle’s watchful eyes. He didn’t want to be alone with Jonathan _anywhere_ but the back booth seemed the least objectionable location, seeing as it was right here in the pub. Besides, they’d be on opposite sides of the table this time.....that was safe.

“I guess the booth is okay,” Murphy softly concluded, his reluctance as obvious as his mistrust. Fuck, it’s a good thing Connor isn’t here, his head would explode.

Jonathan carefully hid his smug satisfaction and he motioned toward the booth with a wave of his hand, his gesture indicating that Murphy should lead the way. Just as the younger man turned to blaze the trail but before he could take one solitary step, Jonathan announced in a slightly irritated tone, “I don’t fucking believe this. Your uncle is waving me over.”

Murphy froze in place and he searched Jonathan’s eyes for any deception but the answer wasn’t in his ex-boyfriend’s gaze, it was in the sound of Sibeal’s voice insistently calling Jonathan’s name.

“I don’t want to be rude. I’ll just say a quick hello and then join you in the booth.”

When Murphy didn’t move, when he failed to make way for his ex-companion, Jonathan exhaled dramatically and he shook his head at the stubbornness he remembered so well.

“If I wanted to cause trouble, I would have already done it,” Jonathan announced matter-of-factly, knowing exactly why Murphy stood motionless. “But if it’ll make you feel better, you can babysit me while I talk to your uncle.”

The stark reality of the moment hit the dark haired twin like a ton of bricks. It doesn’t matter if Murphy is in the room, across town or on the fucking moon. If Jonathan truly wants to destroy his life, he can do it anytime he feels the urge and there’s not a fucking thing Murphy can do to stop him. With a feeling of complete helplessness, Murphy silently followed his ex-boyfriend to the bar, his thumbnail worried raw between his teeth.

Murphy listened to the superficial conversation and he tried to ignore how insignificant he felt as they talked about him like he wasn’t there, his face reddening with embarrassment when they agreed he was quite the handful. With a slight smile, Sibeal added that Murphy was born headstrong and Jonathan laughed loudly in response as he placed a heavy hand on Murphy’s shoulder.

“Why am I not surprised by that news?” Jonathan joked as he gazed warmly at Murphy, his fingers squeezing firmly as Sibeal watched their interaction with amused eyes. Murphy wanted to push the hot hand away and tell Jonathan to stop touching him, only Connor was allowed to do that, but he knew that reaction would rouse his uncle’s suspicion so instead, he remained still. “Murphy has put up many a stubborn front with me but I can usually wear him down.”

“That’s because you’re someone special,” Sibeal said adamantly as Jonathan’s eyes lit up. The barkeep was completely oblivious to his nephew’s discomfort as he pointed at Jonathan with his index finger and advised, “Murphy doesn’t give in easily but he’s worth the effort, you remember that.”

“Thank you, Sibeal. That’s good to know,” Jonathan said with a smile as he poured on the charm.

“Connor is usually the only one who can get through to Murphy,” Sibeal babbled as he beamed with pride. “It’s been that way their entire lives and it irritates their mother to no end but I rather like that the boys are so close. They even finish each other’s sentences sometimes, although Connor would say-”

“Speaking of Connor,” Jonathan clumsily interrupted as his hand slid off of Murphy’s shoulder and his eyes traveled the length of the bar and back. “I don’t see him here. Will he be joining us soon?”

Sibeal glanced at Murphy and he couldn’t help but be amused by the boys endless fidgeting, which he erroneously dismissed as nervous attraction, before he turned back to scrutinize the man he thought his nephew was dating. Jonathan is a charming man.....he’s intelligent and well spoken, nice looking and he seems to have money. Plus, he practically dotes on Murphy and there’s genuine affection not only in Jonathan’s eyes, but in his lingering touch. Yes.....all in all, Sibeal approves of his nephew’s choice.

“You’ll have Murphy all to yourself, Jonathan. Connor was sent home.”

“Really?”

“Jonathan,” Murphy warned as he recognized the spark of excitement in Jonathan’s eyes. After all, he’d seen that look a million times when they were together and it was obvious Sibeal had unwittingly stoked the fire of hope. Murphy needed to separate the two men and put an end to the innuendoes conjured up in his ex-boyfriend’s mind before things got worse. “We should go sit down before we lose the booth.”

“I think my nephew wants to steal you away,” Sibeal whispered just loud enough for the two younger men to hear, his eyes dancing with merriment over the prospect of a budding romance.

“He doesn’t have to steal me. He can have me anytime he wants,” Jonathan responded before turning to look directly at the dark haired twin. “Murphy knows that.”

“Jonathan.....can we go now?” Murphy tried to keep his voice steady but it was impossible and he not only heard the tremor in his delivery, he felt it as well. “Please?”

Jonathan paused for only a moment before speaking, his eyes still on Murphy but his words directed elsewhere. “Murphy wants to go, Sibeal. So it looks like we’re going.”

Murphy didn’t feel one ounce of guilt for working Jonathan with his softly spoken _“please,”_ he knew what he was doing. It was almost too easy, actually. Jonathan always gave in when Murphy whispered that one word and given the circumstance, it felt necessary to exploit that weakness. Murphy breathed a sigh of relief but before they could move toward the reconciliation Jonathan desperately wanted and the confrontation Murphy was dreading, Sibeal firmly announced that he wanted to speak with Jonathan. Alone.

Murphy watched his ex-boyfriend and uncle from the solitude of the booth, his mind filling in the blanks of a conversation he couldn’t hear as he struggled to remain in place and not lose his shit. It was a brief interaction with both men warmly shaking hands before Jonathan joined Murphy in the back of the room, his smile wide as he slid into the opposite seat.

“Your uncle said it was okay,” Jonathan advised, indicating the beer he placed in front of Murphy as he took a quick sip from his own bottle. “He said no at first but I convinced him otherwise.”

“I’m surprised he changed his mind,” Murphy mumbled as he began to pick at the corner of the label on the bottle, his finger meticulously working to keep the insignia in one piece. “He took away the beer I snitched less than an hour ago.”

“Well......you’re with me now. I guess he figures if you’re old enough to fuck, you’re old enough to drink.”

Murphy shook his head as a scowl formed on his face, his efforts with the beer label abandoned as he raised his eyes and studied the man across the table. Jonathan was completely oblivious to his offensive remark as he glanced around the room and gave a small wave to someone he knew, a slight smile forming when the man eagerly waved back.

“That’s Christopher,” Jonathan said as he turned his attention back to Murphy. “He’s the friend who was having the cookout I invited you to.”

Murphy didn’t give a shit about Christopher, or his friendship with Jonathan, or any stupid fucking cookout he had missed when they were dating. He was too consumed with worry over the interaction he was excluded from minutes earlier.

“What did my uncle say to you?”

He thought Jonathan would evade the question or possibly give a snide response but instead, he surprised Murphy with his straightforward honesty.

“He told me not to hurt you.”

“Hurt me? Like…..hit me?”

“No, Murphy. Hurt you like break your heart.”

Jonathan’s manner was surprisingly tender as he explained that Sibeal was concerned with the age difference and Murphy’s lack of dating experience. He didn’t want Jonathan to be too aggressive or sexually demanding and Sibeal was fearful Murphy would fall in love too hard and too fast.

“I didn’t think he knew how old you are,” Murphy said as he remembered how Jonathan told him not to tell anyone his age, especially his family.

“Well.....technically, he doesn’t. He thinks I’m 25. I thought a seven year age difference would be easier to accept than twelve. Especially since you were barely 18 when we met.”

Murphy nodded with understanding as he remembered their first meeting in the grocery store, at the tomato stand. It seemed like a lifetime ago that he had mistaken Jonathan for Connor, which was incredibly ironic considering how things turned out.

“I’m really mad at you,” Murphy began, his eyes reflecting pain and betrayal as his words tumbled out in an unfiltered mass of emotion. “I told you when we met that my family didn’t know about me and then you go and tell my uncle that you’re my boyfriend. After you promised to never say anything. That’s really fucked up, Jonathan.”

“Murphy.....”

“Plus it’s a complete fucking lie and you fucking know it.”

Jonathan took the brunt of his ex-boyfriend’s anger in stride. He actually expected far worse from the younger man and he was strangely proud of the controlled response, suddenly realizing just how much Murphy had grown since their separation.

“I didn’t tell your uncle anything.”

The look of disbelief on Murphy’s face was almost laughable until Jonathan’s explanation began and clarity formed. Jonathan had gone to Murphy’s graduation party late, hoping the festivities were concluded and he could just drop off the gift and leave. He had missed Murphy by less than five minutes and when Jonathan walked into the pub, Annabelle was in a near panic. Murphy had been spotted on the steps across the street.....kissing Connor.

“What did you say?” Murphy asked as he leaned forward, his thoughts a tangled mess as the dark shroud of fear threatened to consume him.

“You heard me.”

Murphy heard Jonathan’s words but he didn’t want to believe it.....it couldn’t be true, it just couldn’t. But as he stared into his ex-boyfriend’s eyes, Murphy knew this wasn’t one of Jonathan’s twisted mind games or a power trip. Jonathan is jealous. And he’s jealous because Murphy kissed someone else.

“Oh my God. People saw us.....kissing?” Murphy asked as he struggled to accept what he knew was the truth.

“Apparently,” Jonathan said as he took slow sips of beer to provide ample time for Murphy to sweat a bit. “But it was getting dark out and from that distance, I look enough like your brother so.....”

“So you said I was kissing _you,_ not Connor.”

“Your mother said it, not me. I just went along with it.”

It all made sense now. Annabelle had condemned her sons’ relationship and refused to accept their love but in the end, she’s still their mother. And as their mother, she protected her babies the only way she knew how. She chose the lesser of two evils when she “outed” Murphy to the entire town and let Jonathan step up as his boyfriend rather than expose the fact that her sons are fucking each other’s brains out every chance they get.

But it’s more than just fucking the twins are doing, it isn’t just sex to either of them. What they share transcends mere physical pleasure. Each touch holds profound meaning only they understand, every kiss is filled with the fiery passion of true love and when they join together during lovemaking, it isn’t just the melding of two bodies.....it’s the intertwining of two souls.

Connor means the world to Murphy, he’s his everything, and he’d been a heartbeat away from destroying Connor’s life without even knowing it. Connor would have been ridiculed, humiliated and terribly hurt.....and it would have been all Murphy’s fault. Murphy knew better than to kiss in public, he knew it was risky and Connor warned him about public displays of affection a million times. But that night on the steps, Murphy had desperately needed his lover’s kiss. And as a result, Murphy jeopardized the one person he’d die to protect.

“I wasn’t thinking,” the dark haired twin began, knowing that what he said was more of a reason than an excuse. He always led with his heart, never his head, and this time it almost cost him that which he held most dear.....his Connor.

As tears filled his eyes, Murphy glanced across the bar and he caught sight of his uncle. Jesus, he almost fucked up everything for his entire family this time.....not just for Connor but for Uncle Sibeal too. It would have been disastrous for the pub, the business would never survive such a scandal and his uncle would have lost everything. All because Murphy didn’t think.

“Relax, Murphy. I’m not mad, okay?” Jonathan gently said, thinking Murphy was upset over accusing him of an action he didn’t commit. “I know how it must have looked from your perspective. But I swear, I was only trying to help you.”

“You did,” Murphy nodded and he quickly wiped at his eyes before his gaze returned to the man across the table. After all that happened between them, after all the problems and pain, Jonathan was the last person Murphy expected to help save his relationship or rescue his family. “You did help me, Jonathan. You did.”

Jonathan held Murphy’s gaze and he smiled in response to the younger man’s words, his eyes full of the joy a man feels when he’s helped someone he cares about.

“I owe you an apology,” Murphy continued as Jonathan listened patiently, wishing this young man’s regret included more than just words. “I’m so sorry I accused you of breaking your promise. I should have known better.”

“Yes, you should have. I’d never do anything to hurt you, Murphy.”

“I know.”

“I tried to keep things discreet.....for you.”

“I know. Believe me, I know. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Jonathan lifted his bottle and he drank slowly as he held Murphy’s gaze, contemplating the situation as the cold brew made its way down his throat. When the bottle was done, he lowered his empty drink to the table and he quietly said, “I meant it when I said I miss you. I’m trying to forget you but it’s just not working.”

“Jonathan,” Murphy breathed out the name, wishing he could delay the inevitable pain he was about to inflict once again.

“All I want is another chance, Murphy. I promise I won’t be jealous of your brother.....I’ll even make friends with him, okay? I can make you happy, I swear. Just let me be your current again.”

“I’m still with Connor,” Murphy said as gently as he could, his eyes overflowing with empathy for the heartache he saw reforming. “I’ll always be with Connor. We’re a forever thing.”

Jonathan sat stone-faced and unmoving and for a moment, Murphy thought his ex-boyfriend didn’t hear what he said. Until Jonathan reached across the table and took possession of the gift box that had been resting next to Murphy’s arm.

“I guess you’re giving this back then? Is that it?”

Murphy quietly explained the inappropriateness of the gift, his words carefully chosen as he reminded Jonathan that they’re ex-boyfriends and Murphy’s with someone else now. He dismissed Jonathan’s argument that he could just not tell his brother who the gift was from with a firm, “I don’t keep secrets from Connor.” And when Jonathan asked Murphy to reconsider and keep the magnet to remember him by, Murphy leaned forward and he placed his hand on Jonathan’s forearm as he whispered, “I don’t need a magnet to remember you, Jonathan.”

Jonathan glanced at the warm hand on his arm, remembering how shy this boy had been when they first met, so shy in fact that Jonathan could barely resist him. He took a deep breath and pushed the memory from his mind as he confessed, “I just wanted to give you something for your graduation and I thought the magnet might be something you’d accept. I thought you liked it. I guess I was wrong.”

“I do like it. I like it a lot. But come on.....did you really expect me to keep it?”

No, Jonathan didn’t expect Murphy to keep the magnet. In fact, he was certain his ex-boyfriend would return it. But it was worth that one in a million chance that maybe, just maybe, that gift would fan the spark they once had and turn it into a flame.

“I hoped you would.”

“You know me better than that, Jonathan.”

Jonathan nodded his head, realizing how foolish he’d been to think Murphy would keep something that would hurt his lover and possibly drive a wedge between them. The devotion and love this man had for his partner was something to envy, it was perfect and beautiful and it was exactly what every person dreams of finding.

One thing Jonathan now knew with certainty.....Murphy would never stop loving Connor. Not ever.

“I really didn’t mean any harm,” Jonathan honestly said. “I hope you know that.”

“I know,” Murphy said as he gave a firm squeeze to Jonathan’s arm before pulling away, his touch meant only as a comfort, not an enticement.

Together they decided to tell people it was a mutual breakup, that way neither man would be pitied or blamed. Together they agreed to leave the pub at the same time, that way both could avoid unnecessary questions from curious observers. And together they vowed to remain friends, both men knowing how unlikely that actually was.

As they exited the pub, it seemed appropriate that rain had begun to fall and they faced each other to say their goodbye in the cold mist. Jonathan surprised Murphy by grabbing him in a tight bear hug and pulling him close, their bodies pressed together almost painfully. Murphy initially struggled and pushed at his ex-boyfriend in an attempt to get free but when he heard quiet sniffing in his ear, he relaxed and allowed the man to hold him.

“I’ll never regret meeting you,” Jonathan whispered as he rocked the dark haired twin in his arms, the heat of his breath warming the younger man’s cooling skin. A hot hand slid into Murphy’s wet auburn hair and Jonathan played with the soft strands one final time as he vowed, “I’ll always love you, Murphy. And that’ll never change. Not ever.”

Jonathan lifted his head and his hooded eyes scanned his ex-boyfriend’s face and for a moment, Murphy thought Jonathan might try to kiss him. But instead of forcing his lips on the younger man, Jonathan abruptly released him and without a look back, he got in his car and drove away, leaving Murphy standing in the cold rain.

“Murph?”

The sound of Connor’s voice brought tears to Murphy’s eyes and he turned to face the man he loved, eager to kiss his boyfriend but suddenly so afraid to even touch. Thin rivulets of rainwater ran from Murphy’s hair down his face, mixing with the hot tears now leaking from his eyes, and all that pain he’d held back during the past hour came crashing down on him.

“Are you okay?”

“No,” Murphy squeaked that one syllable as his eyes pleaded with Connor for help.

Murphy continued to be bombarded by thoughts of his childhood assault as the wound ripped open once again and shredded his emotions to shit. Every fucking time he thinks he’s fine, something triggers a memory and Murphy realizes just how fucked up he truly is.

And by now, the entire town knows Murphy is gay. His sexuality will be discussed and dissected like he’s a thing and not a person.....they’ll smile to his face while whispering behind his back and they’ll ask stupid fucking questions Murphy can’t answer.....like why.

But what mostly plagued the dark haired twin and made him want to curl up and cry was what he’d almost done to his Connor. He almost destroyed the only person on earth who mattered, the one who was his match in every possible way. Jesus, it hurt so fucking much to realize how close he’d come to inflicting that kind of damage and pain on his love.

“Come here,” Connor said as he lifted his hand in the air and waited for his partner to step forward and fall into his arms, knowing his Murph needed the comfort only he could give.

“We can’t,” Murphy moaned as he glanced at the windows of the pub, his need for his lover’s calming presence and steady hand greater than ever before. His words continued in emotional bursts as he struggled to hold back the emotion that was threatening to overpower him. “People saw. Us kissing. Conn. Ma told them.....she told _everyone_.....that I’m gay.”

Connor listened to his brother’s words and he quickly deduced what had his boyfriend so upset, their twin mojo filling in the blanks of the missing pieces as Murphy struggled to explain all that happened. Connor would give anything to save his brother from the trauma of his past, the panic Murphy obviously felt and the emotional upheaval he was still going through. But right now, Connor needed to obliterate the unnecessary guilt that currently plagued his twin.

This time, Connor didn’t just hold out his hand for his brother. This time Connor went to his love and he wrapped his arms around his soul mate, pulling him into a tight embrace as one hand stroked Murphy’s back and the other pet his wet hair.

“Conn.....people will see.”

“Let ‘em fucking look, Murph.”

Murphy relaxed into his lover and he pressed his face into Connor’s neck, clinging to the man he’d been in love with since childhood. Connor wasn’t even supposed to be here, Murphy had sent him home but somehow Murphy’s painful whispers were carried in the wind across time and space and Connor came running.....he knew what Murphy felt, what he was going through, what haunted him.

Connor felt the tremble in his lover’s body and he pressed his lips to Murphy’s ear as he began to speak, his words overflowing with love and truth as he alleviated his brother’s guilt. It wasn’t Murphy’s fault people saw them kissing.....Murphy merely initiated that kiss a half second before Connor would have. Besides, their ma furnished them with the perfect explanation so no damage was done. And best of all, they’d be leaving for America soon enough so who gave a fuck what people saw or thought.

“I wish we could leave right now,” Murphy mumbled against Connor’s skin before sneaking a gentle kiss to his neck and tasting the rainwater that ran from his boyfriend’s dripping hair. He softly sighed as Connor’s fingers scratched his scalp and slid down to squeeze the back of his neck, his brother’s loving strokes having their usual soothing effect. They released each other as Murphy lifted his head to look directly into Connor’s eyes and the smirk on his brother’s face made him smile. “What?”

“Look what came in the mail today,” Connor said as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out two dark blue booklets, holding them out for his brother’s inspection. “It’s okay, they’re laminated so the rain won’t hurt them.”

Murphy took the documents from Connor’s hand and he opened the first passport, his eyes barely glancing at his own picture before he moved onto the second booklet. He bit his bottom lip as his pinky brushed away the beaded water from his brother’s smiling picture and Murphy softly said, “I like this photo of you.”

“Yeah?”

Murphy nodded as he lifted his eyes to gaze at his rain-soaked boyfriend and he couldn’t help the blush that colored his face. “Fuck Connor, you look good wet.”

“You look better.” Fucking hell, that was no lie. Murphy looked amazing with wet hair and even wetter skin, his clothes clinging to all the right places. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?” Murphy asked as Connor took him by the hand and began to lead him away.

“Somewhere private so I can kiss you for hours.”


	66. Forever and a Day

“God, I love kissing you,” Connor moaned against Murphy’s mouth as the vibration from his words tickled the younger twin’s lips. His tongue flicked and tasted, teased and tantalized, before succumbing to the pleasure of his lover’s passion once more.

They were only half-way home when Connor pulled Murphy behind a large tree, partially obscuring them from the road yet providing the privacy needed for a quick but heated make-out session. This was their third stop since leaving the pub and it was by far the most enjoyable, seeing as they were already excited and eager for the touches they both craved. Murphy reveled in the heat that flooded his body every time Connor kissed him and as fingers wound into his hair, he abandoned all efforts to control his carnal desires.

“Don’t stop this time, Connor,” Murphy begged when their mouths momentarily separated. He leaned harder into his boyfriend’s body and nearly knocked Connor off his feet before his brother pushed back and pressed him into the knotted wood of the mighty oak. Hungry lips enveloped Murphy’s mouth once again and blood surged through his veins, his cock stiffening painfully against the wet denim of his jeans as the rough bark cut tiny tears into Murphy’s faded cotton t-shirt.

The rain continued unabated as their kiss deepened and Connor’s hands cupped the face of his chosen one in a gentle grip. His thumbs tenderly stroked as he inhaled the sweet smell of summer rain and his Murph, the scent making him lightheaded with desire. Fucking hell, he wished they were in his bed right now. Or in the field.....or even the fucking barn. Anyplace but here, out in the open shielded only by Mother Nature and a gnarled old tree.

A feral growl escaped Connor’s lips when his boyfriend grinded his pelvis into his bulge. Murphy’s hips moved in a continuous rolling motion as he simulated a cock ride and the darker twin’s soft moans of pleasure only enhanced the stickiness in the air. Connor was tempted beyond comprehension as hot hands squirrelled frantically up his back, his soaked shirt gathering around his brother’s wrists as jagged fingernails scratched his skin.

Jesus, Murphy was fucking killing him. The way he moved, how he tasted, the sounds he made.....his musky smell from arousal. Connor was never more attracted to anyone else and his resolve to wait for privacy weakened with each grind of his lover’s hips, his own cock quickly stiffening as he enjoyed all the alluring things his other half possessed.

The sound of a passing car jolted Connor back to his senses and he began to slowly pull back from the boy he loves to kiss. Murphy instinctively held on tighter and he sucked harder on his brother’s full lips, willing him not to stop, pleading for just a tiny bit more. When Connor’s mouth finally broke free with an obscenely loud sucking sound, Murphy stared at him through hooded eyes and he whispered, “Let’s fuck like animals, Conn.”

For a moment, all Connor could do was breathe and nothing more. Thick streams of water ran down his body but offered no cooling relief as he pictured the two of them curled together in a mound of hot flesh, his beautiful Murph writhing beneath his thrusting hips as they made wild fucking love.

“I want you inside me,” Murphy added in a voice laced thick with lust as he waited for his lover to act on his suggestion. His fingernails tickled Connor’s back with a feather-light touch as a further enticement and he felt the resulting shiver against the pads of his fingers as his hands did laps across the muscles.

“Murph.....not here,” Connor mumbled in response as he studied his boyfriend’s expression, his lips offering an apology in the form of a gentle peck as Murphy’s hips stalled and his fingers stilled. Connor didn’t want to reject the invitation his lover proposed but at the same time, he couldn’t risk being seen fucking his own brother. Murphy looked a bit shocked by his denial and most definitely disappointed but those ocean blue eyes still reflected a love that’s staggering, even as he attempted to work Connor with that fucking lip bite and tilt of his head. “Stop that.”

“What? I’m not doing anything.”

“Oh, you’re _sooo_ innocent,” Connor laughed as his thumb wiped the moisture from his brother’s mouth. His fingers combed through Murphy’s dark hair and he groomed his twin as best he could, straightening the wet strands he had previously tangled in his grip before his caress returned to his lover’s flushed face.

“I was until you corrupted me,” Murphy teased back, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he leaned forward and opened his lips, his tongue extending to catch dripping rain from his brother’s hair. His tongue flicked a half-dozen times across the wet ends as he allowed the droplets to enter his mouth before turning his attention to Connor’s neck. Moisture was licked from the heated skin in excruciatingly long stripes and once Murphy had his fill, he smiled as sweet as possible and explained, “I was thirsty.”

“You’re such a little shit,” Connor moaned, his breath hot as fire as his heart pounded in perfect rhythm with the beat of the rain on the leaves. He adored the spontaneity in his twin and how uninhibited Murphy is when they’re alone and just knowing his boyfriend would bend over for him right here, right now, is a temptation Connor can barely resist. But as much as Connor aches for the release of the earthshattering orgasm building between his legs, he’s not about to be selfish. Not with his Murph.

Murphy had just faced his scumbag ex-boyfriend while learning his sexuality was revealed to everyone they know and even though he says he’s fine, Connor suspects otherwise. Murphy holds things in, he buries his pain and tries to pretend it doesn’t exist but when avoidance stops working, he runs. And Connor isn’t about to let that happen.

Connor took a steadying breath as he thought back to a day in the field not so long ago when promises were whispered between their conjoined souls, the words spoken aloud but completely unnecessary. They had vowed to protect their relationship, to forever love and to never _ever_ give up on the other. Murphy had also promised to not run from him again.....and he hadn’t, not really. Leaving their graduation party to sit on the steps across the street didn’t count, especially considering how easily Connor found him and how close Murphy remained. They had worked through that emotional situation together, a oneness of mind, heart and soul.....as a couple in love. And their commitment never wavered.

Right now, Murphy deserves that same type of unity and support. He needs the validation only Connor can give. His Murph needs acceptance and tender understanding from the man he loves, not a hardcore fucking in the rain.

“I’m okay, Conn. I promise you, I’m fine. Please stop worrying, okay?”

The corners of Connor’s mouth slowly lifted upward in the slightest smile. He should have known their twin mojo would tell his brother exactly what was consuming his thoughts and stealing his focus.

“You were pretty upset back at the pub,” Connor quietly stated the obvious, knowing he’d never forget that look of pain he’d seen in his brother’s eyes.

“Yeah, I was,” Murphy agreed with a nod of his head and a slight lean into the comfort of Connor’s palm, remembering that feeling of panic and fear that ran through his body just an hour earlier. “It just felt like I was naked in front of everyone, you know? Like I was on display for the whole fucking world to see. And then having to deal with Jonathan on top of all that.....it was so hard, Connor.”

Murphy had already told him all that happened in the pub with no detail excluded, he spared nothing, not even his interaction with Jonathan. Jesus, Connor felt like such a selfish prick because all he could think about was how he wanted everyone to know that Murphy was kissing _him_ on those steps, not Jonathan.

“I almost told Uncle Sibeal about us,” Murphy admitted sheepishly, watching his brother carefully for his reaction. Connor’s brow furrowed with concern but his touch remained gentle and loving, his trust in his partner beyond reproach. “I wanted him to know that I belong to you.....and not just as your twin. Fuck. I wanted _everyone_ to know I’m yours.”

Connor understood his brother’s need better than anyone else ever could. He keenly felt his pain of repression and he commiserated with that burning desire to proudly display their relationship. He’d give anything to be able to walk around town, hand in hand with his Murph, kissing when they wanted and not giving a fuck who saw.

“I’m so sorry, Murph. I wish you could tell the whole world about us.”

“It’s okay. I just get tired of hiding our relationship sometimes,” Murphy said with a soft sigh, his eyes reflecting an inner resolve Connor would never tire of seeing. “Conn, I really am fine. I mean.....I’m not looking forward to people talking shit about me or asking me why I like boys. And I’m kind of mad at ma for what she did, even though I understand why. But now that the initial shock has worn off, I really think I’m okay. Honest.”

Connor’s eyes scanned his lover’s face, searching for any residual pain or lingering doubt but finding neither. My God, his Murph is so fucking strong. The exposure of his sexuality is just a drop in the bucket compared to what that priest did but at the same time, it added to the hefty burden Murphy already carried in his heart. He had every right to feel sorry for himself and withdraw from the world. But instead, he was smiling and standing tall. His Murph actually seemed stronger and more determined than before.

“I’m so proud of you, Murph. I really am,” Connor began as he slid his hands to Murphy’s shoulders and squeezed. His grip was firm yet incredibly tender as he pulled his brother from the tree trunk and wrapped his arms around his slender body, his hands drifting downward until his fingers laced together at the small of Murphy’s back. “Do you know what I’d change about you? Not one fucking thing. Not one. You’re just the best person I know. I feel like the luckiest guy in the world to be with you.”

Murphy dipped his head and he looked down as a soft blush formed on his cheeks, the reddening of his skin a reminder to his twin that this beautiful boy still has deep insecurities.

“Hey.....don’t you leave me,” Connor said as he gently shook his brother’s body, his voice quivering slightly with fear.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Murphy instantly vowed as his eyes returned to his lover’s face, his intense gaze a stark contrast to the softness of his voice. His hands slowly crept down Connor’s back and he mimicked his brother’s position with his fingers intertwined at the base of his boyfriend’s spine. “It’s just.....sometimes it’s hard to hear you say stuff like that.”

“It shouldn’t be. I mean what I say.”

“I know you mean it, it’s not that.”

Connor waited for his brother to elaborate further and a painful crevice formed in his heart when Murphy shrugged his shoulders dismissively, reminding Connor of a time when his lover devalued himself, when his Murph believed he was a nothing. A time when his twin felt undeserving of the most basic human need.....love.

Murphy shifted on his feet as he struggled to vocalize his feelings, not wanting to be anything less than forthcoming with his partner but suddenly at a loss for words.

“Murphy MacManus, falling in love with you was the last thing I had in mind. But some things are just meant to be, like you and me. I love you more with every fucking breath and there’s not a person on earth I’d rather be with. I want to be the one you lean on, the one you tell all your secrets to. I want to be everything you need.....if you’ll just let me.”

Murphy took a shuddering breath and he blinked back emotional tears, nodding in response to his brother’s words. Connor was already his everything, he was Murphy’s happiness and his one true love. He told Connor things no one else knew, dark things that left him broken and crying.....terrifying memories that threatened to break him every second of every day. But through all that pain and trauma, Murphy learned one important lesson. Love can mend a person’s soul.

Murphy cleared his throat and he finally found his voice, his words barely audible over the pouring rain. “You make me so happy, Conn. You’re everything I need, you always have been. And I love being in love with you, it’s the best feeling in the world. It’s just that.....well, I know I’m a fucking pain sometimes.”

“Yeah, you are. But you’re _my_ fucking pain,” Connor said as his eyebrow rose dramatically and he quickly pecked at his brother’s cheek, smiling when his love leaned a bit harder against him. “Look Murph, I know you’re not perfect. But you are perfect for me. I never knew love could be like this and for the first time in my life, I know how forever feels. Because you’re my forever.”

“I want longer than forever,” Murphy immediately demanded as Connor cocked his head in confusion. What could be longer than forever? Was that even possible? “I want forever and a day, Conn.”

“Forever and a day,” Connor slowly repeated with a nod of his head as he considered the phrase that now meant the world to them both. “I like that. It’s perfect.”

“Yeah.....it kind of is,” Murphy agreed, smiling with complete happiness as the rain washed away his earlier pain from the pub.

They instinctively pulled each other as close as possible and melded their bodies into one as Murphy pressed his face into his brother’s neck. Connor rocked his soul mate in a slow rhythm, almost as if there was a love song playing in the trees, and they moved to the music only lovers heard. They moved together fluidly, as if they had slow danced a million times already, and Murphy quietly laughed against his brother’s flesh. Connor pulled back with a confused look on his face, loving the sound of his boyfriend’s laugh yet puzzled over the cause.

“I was just thinking of when we were eight. And we were at Uncle Caleb’s wedding. Do you remember?”

Connor smirked and slowly nodded, his mind instantly picturing his baby brother and how fucking cute he was in a rumpled tie. Eight year old Murphy had the chubbiest cheeks and the biggest blue eyes and by that age, he already knew how to work Connor to get what he wanted. And Connor caved every fucking time.

“I remember how everyone thought it was the cutest fucking thing when we slow danced together. I think that was the only time we actually danced like that.....at least in public.”

“It was,” Murphy confirmed, wishing they hadn’t waited ten years to dance again. There’s something that just feels right about dancing with the man he loves.....it feels like a prelude to love making. “I couldn’t believe it when you took me by the hand and led me onto the dancefloor. I was so nervous. And when the song ended, I just wanted to keep holding you but you walked away. And then you danced with that girl with the pigtails.....Sandy or Sonia, I think.”

“Sandy.”

“Yeah, Sandy. I was so jealous of her.”

“I remember you crying,” Connor said, suddenly remembering his twin watching him with tears running down his face. His Murph looked heartbroken that day, almost as if he lost the only thing that mattered in his life. “Murphy.....were you crying because of me? Because I danced with that girl?”

Murphy bit his lip and he shrugged his shoulders before quietly admitting, “Yes and no. It hurt so bad seeing you with her.....I just wanted to be the one you held. I told Ma that I loved you and I was going to ask you to dance with me again. I told her you’d say yes and she.....she told me boys don’t dance with boys. She said boys only dance with girls.....like you and Sandy.”

“What a crock of shit. Love is love, it doesn’t matter what sex a person is. Love is fucking love.”

_Love is fucking love_.....leave it to Connor to break down the situation to its simplest form and cut through the bullshit. That’s one of the many reasons why Murphy adored him. Connor never gave a fuck about someone’s sexual orientation. All he ever saw was a person.

“I only danced with Sandy because Ma told me to,” Connor announced in a firm voice, shocking his brother with this knowledge. “And you were right, Murphy. I would have said yes if you asked me to dance.”

“I knew it,” Murphy mumbled with a bittersweet smile on his face, wishing he’d been confident enough to follow his heart all those years ago. “I fucking knew it.”

There was a comfortable silence between them as Connor waited for the question that was a decade in the making. Murphy dipped his head but kept his eyes glued to his brother as a blush bloomed across his fair features and Connor suppressed an amused laugh when the tips of his brother’s ears began to redden. God, he fucking loved having this effect on his twin.

“Conn, I want to slow dance with you. And not somewhere hidden.....that’s bullshit. I want to feel like I felt on that dancefloor when we were eight. When no one else mattered, just us,” Murphy’s words were rapid fire as he finally voiced the wish he’d held from childhood. “I guess I just want to be like any other couple, you know? I know it sounds fucking stupid—“

“It’s not stupid,” Connor interrupted. No way in hell would he let Murphy downplay his feelings or diminish his dream, even if there wasn’t a way to instantly fulfill it. “We’ll make it happen.”

“Maybe when we get to America we could find a place to go, like maybe a gay bar or something,” Murphy suggested, his eyes wide with excitement as his boyfriend nodded his consent. They’d never been in a gay bar before and if truth be told, there wasn’t even one within hours of their small town. “It’ll be grand, Conn. We can drink and kiss and dance all night and I’ll even try not to step on your toes.”

Connor’s eyes were soft as his hand moved to his brother’s head, his fingers petting the wet hair of his lover as Murphy spoke. He loved seeing his Murph this happy, this excited, over a future endeavor yet at the same time, there was still a nagging concern in the pit of Connor’s stomach.

“Are you really okay, Murphy? You swear to Christ you’re okay?”

Murphy’s hand went to his brother’s face and his fingers lightly traced down Connor’s chiseled cheek as his heart swelled and overflowed with love.

“I swear, I’m fine. Besides, I was never alone.” Murphy’s free hand dipped into his pocket and he pulled out the ceramic heart his lover made for him, the token that was his and his alone. As he held it up for his soul mate to see, he said in a voice filled with truth and conviction, “You’re always with me, Conn. Even when you’re not.”

Connor’s eyes took in the ceramic piece his brother held and he noted how Murphy’s thumb had worn away the painted area over his name, almost as if Murphy took comfort and strength from his heartfelt gesture.

“I need to be with you, Murph. Now.”

Connor’s controlled manner belied his burning sexual appetite as his ravenous eyes practically consumed his lover whole. His need was overwhelming, it threatened to overtake and drown him in a hot pool of desire as their twin mojo sent a shock wave straight to his lover, causing Murphy to thirst for the connection they create when their bodies join together.

“You said not here,” Murphy pointed out, not wanting to quash his lover’s excitement but knowing they’d be easily spotted from the road. Connor groaned and closed his eyes, resting his forehead against his twin as Murphy’s mind raced. They were too far from the field and the rain made every nearby area a mud pit. The most logical place to go was the one place they’d been avoiding, for one obvious reason. “Ma should be gone. Right?”

Connor exhaled in relief, his eyes opening as he nodded. He’d only been home for a minute or two before he took off back to the pub but it was enough time to realize their ma was gone for the evening.

“We could go there. If you want.”

“I want,” Connor whispered in a husky voice as he took his boyfriend by the hand, leading him toward home in a near frenzy. Murphy struggled to keep up with his twin as Connor pulled on his arm, their legs moving at a rapid pace toward the sexual gratification they both needed.

They clamored up the back steps and onto the porch of their home as Connor’s lips frantically kissed his brother’s face and mouth, his tongue sliding across Murphy’s full bottom lip as their hands stroked and squeezed whatever they touched. Their breathing was erratic at best and Murphy pulled on the hem of Connor’s shirt, lifting it up and off as his twin blindly reached for the porch door.

As they stumbled into the kitchen, their kisses were punctuated by occasional soft laughter as they slid on the tile and enjoyed the taste of each other. Connor’s hands slid under the front of his brother’s shirt and his fingers inched their way upward, pinching Murphy’s flesh before settling on his nipples. He grinded his thumbs roughly over the hard nubs as Murphy pulled his shirt off, letting the garment fall to the floor in a wet heap.

Murphy stood in place for a few moments and Connor watched his reaction as he pinched and twisted his brother’s nipples, his hot lips kissing the stiffened peaks before his fingers returned to their play.

“You like that?”

Murphy bit his lip as his face grew hot, a slight smile forming as he answered with a simple nod. Connor lowered his head and he nuzzled his twin’s neck, his tongue licking at the matching tattoo before he moved further south to lightly suck Murphy’s collarbone.

The darker twin stroked his brother’s still dewy biceps as soft sucking sounds filled the room and both men began to harden inside their jeans. When Connor lifted his head from his brother’s skin, Murphy pulled the hands from his body and he leaned forward, pressing his erect nipples into Connor’s chest. Nipple to nipple, Murphy grinded as Connor breathed heavy in his face. They moved their bodies in opposing directions as Murphy’s nipples tweaked and teased Connor’s pink nubs, causing them to tingle as they stiffened into rock hard points.

“Fucking hell, I want you so bad, Murph.”

They began to kiss somewhat violently, each man vying for control but Murphy eventually relenting to his older half. Sneakers were kicked off as Connor pushed his boyfriend toward the living room with his lips, his hands in continuous motion as he felt every inch of his beautiful Murph.

Before they reached the stairs that led to their room, Connor paused and cupped Murphy’s ass in his hands, roughly squeezing. Their lips never lost contact as Connor lifted his twin and deposited him unceremoniously onto the top of the wooden cabinet their da had crafted years before their birth. Murphy’s back rested against the painted wall and Connor pushed Murphy’s thighs open, stepping between them as his brother wrapped his legs around his hips, pulling their groins together.

“We can do it right fucking here, Conn,” Murphy moaned when Connor’s mouth slid to his earlobe. They’d already fucked in every room in the house, in every position imaginable, and they even did it more than once on the narrow stairs that led to their bedroom. Fucking hell, other than their mother’s bedroom, they had baptized every inch of the house with their love.

Murphy’s belt buckle jangled loudly as Connor’s hands made quick work of it and he pulled on the leather strap until it slid free from Murphy’s jeans. The top button was easily undone and fingers fumbled for a zipper before Connor lifted his head and stared down at his brother’s groin.

“Button fly? Really, Murph? Are you trying to kill me?”

Murphy giggled as he squirmed against his lover, their hard bulges grinding with his motion. “I’m not an easy lay. You need to work for what you want.”

“Oh really? Well you little shit, I may have to fuck you extra hard for making me do all this.”

“Promises, promises.”

Connor laughed as he pressed his face into his brother’s neck, his mouth lightly sucking as his fingers unbuttoned Murphy’s fly and finally dipped inside. Murphy’s breath was hot in Connor’s ear and his legs tightened around his boyfriend’s hips, his hands continuously rubbing across the expanse of the older twin’s back as a soft grunt of excitement filled the air.

“Conn.....”

Connor ignored his brother’s grunt of his name. His Murph often moaned and grunted when he was excited and based upon how hard Murphy was in his hand, the grunt of his name was no surprise.

“Oh my God.....Connor.....”

Murphy’s body had grown stiff with tension and his sudden anxiety went unnoticed by his overheated twin as Connor pulled and squeezed his boyfriend’s cock. Murphy’s nails dug into Connor’s shoulders and he pushed at his brother as his thighs released their vice like grip on his boyfriend’s hips. Connor’s weight held him in place but Murphy’s actions finally filtered through the steamy haze of the moment and Connor stared at his twin in utter confusion.

“What’s wrong?”

Murphy’s eyes were wide and staring but he wasn’t watching the man who made him shiver with delight. He was staring at something over Connor’s left shoulder. Something that caused him to stop their amorous activity and shake with fear.

“Murphy?”

Murphy gestured with his index finger toward a point just beyond his brother. Toward something that made his eyes fill with tears and his head hang in shame.

Connor instinctively tried to shield as much of his brother as he could and he carefully removed his hand from Murphy’s pants, his head slowly turning to see what had his brother so freaked out. Sitting in dumbfounded silence on the couch, watching the twins like they were a show on the telly, was their Ma and Uncle Sibeal.


End file.
